Ho-Hum and the Alien Visitation
A Hyperdimension Neptunia Fan Fiction
by Derald Snyder
Chapter 20- Virus Busters
*Planeptune City suburbs*
"Lady Uzume, so nice to see you again," the old man greeted. "And you brought Lady Neptune and Nepgear as well, I see..."
"Hey, old man," Uzume waved. "You happen to catch the recent broadcast?"
"If it was on cable, no I didn't," he shook his head. "Can't afford those newfangled TVs anyway... why, did something happen?"
"Would ya believe, first contact with aliens?" Neptune spoke up.
"Oh my, truly?!" he gasped. "But why come all the way out here to tell me that? And who's this lady with you?"
"I'm Dragon Ball," the martial artist greeted. "I'm actually one of those aliens... and please, no more green skin jokes!"
"Oh really?" the old man adjusted his glasses. "Prove you're not human then... not that I think Lady Uzume would lie, but..."
"Well, how about this?" DB said as she unwrapped her monkey tail from her waist. "You can touch it, but don't squeeze, alright?"
The octogenarian looked skeptical as he reached out to touch the appendage... "Hmm..." He tugged at it a little, causing the spiky-haired woman to wince, which he noticed. "Oh my! It is real!"
"Told ya so," Neptune muttered. "She comes from the Animenga Star Cluster, if you're wondering..."
"Is that right...?" the old man's face scrunched up a little as something occurred to him. "...Well, now that I think about it, didn't someone in Leanbox send a space satellite out that way?"
"That's right, sir," Nepgear nodded, "and the goddess of that world intercepted it, so and her Oracle came to respond..."
"I'm not the goddess or the Oracle," Dragon Ball clarified. "I'm more like... a disciple of Lady Lilith- er, I mean Lady Haruhi. Sorry, she's got a lot of different names," she chuckled sheepishly with a hand behind her head.
"And you're sure these alien lifeforms can be trusted?" the old man asked, leaning forward on his cane.
"They seem on the level enough to me!" Neptune proclaimed. "Besides, Oracle Neon got attacked by a new bad-guy group, so now we've got a common enemy..."
"They're called the House of Humiliation, and they almost put me and Neptune in an embarrassing situation," Nepgear elaborated. "But we managed to get out of it, though..."
"Don't worry, if they attack again, I'll help take 'em down!" Dragon Ball promised.
"Just as long as Lady Uzume gets some action," the old man said. "She needs Shares too, you know..."
"Heh, thanks for lookin' out for me," the redheaded CPU chuckled, blushing slightly...
"Yeah, by the way, I never heard about what the deal with Uzume was," DB realized.
"Well, if you've got some time, I can tell you about how things were back when she was first born, when I was a young'un," the old man offered.
The trio of CPUs looked at each other briefly. "...Sure, I guess we can do that," Uzume agreed. "Though I'll warn you, Dragsy, it's not the happiest tale..."
"Well, I know you were tryin' your best," the old man stated, "even if I was a brat to you back then... anyway, come on in. Sorry I don't have any pudding, Lady Neptune, but I do have some cookies..."
"I'm good, but thanks for offering," Neptune said as she and the others followed him inside...
*Lastation Basilicom, outside*
"This is Generic Soldier #20, I'm in position." The man in question was currently dressed in an all-black outfit that made him resemble an NPC.
"Good," came Overlord Momus' voice. "According to BlackGatomon, your target wears headgear resembling a mouse. Try to remain casual."
"Roger that. Soldier #20 out." He closed the connection, leaning against a nearby lamp post, keeping an eye on the entrance... only leap in surprise as two girls and a male NPC appeared before him in a flash of light! "What the-?!"
"Well, this looks like Lastation," the young shadow-man observed, looking around.
"Whoops, sorry! Didn't mean to scare you like that!" The middle girl, a brunette wearing a yellow head band and ribbons, leaned down and reached out her hand.
"Uh... right." Soldier #20 accepted the hand, getting pulled to his feet. "Wait, aren't you that alien goddess I saw on TV?!"
"That's me!" Haruhi grinned. "Just call me Lady Haruhi! And this my Oracle, Neon!"
"And I'm John Smith," the other NPC spoke up quickly. "Lowee native."
"But you can call him Kyon!" Haruhi added without missing a beat. "So what's your name?"
"Uh..." Soldier #20 thought quickly. "Harry. My name is Harry."
"A pleasure to meet you, Mr. Harry," Neon bowed politely. "Might you direct us to the Lastation Basilicom?"
"Right behind you," 'Harry' deadpanned, causing the trio to whirl around...
"Hah! Got it in one!" Haruhi pumped a fist in triumph. "And you were so paranoid we were gonna end up in the middle of nowhere!"
"I never said I was paranoid," Kyon retorted. "I was trying to make a joke!"
"Suuuure," the Animenga goddess rolled her eyes. "Aaaaanyway~, let's go in and meet up with Noire, see if we can help her find that rogue soldier that tried to kill her sister..."
"Ah-choooo!" Soldier #20 sneezed vociferously.
"Gesundheit," Neon intoned. "It would seem the air here is not quite as clean as in Leanbox..."
"You think?!" 'Harry' sniffled. "Ugh, I'll be fine, you three go on in." The trio nodded, before doing just that... As soon as they were out of earshot, the 'NPC' brought his watch up to his face... "Momus, we have a new development..."
*Basilicom Lobby*
"I'm sorry, Lady Noire is out right now," the priest as the reception desk apologized.
"Where did she go?" Neon inquired.
"She went out with Sister Ciel to to try and find the remnants of that virus that corrupted our servers," another priest spoke up.
"Virus?!" Haruhi and Neon looked at each other. "I wonder if it's the same virus I took care of in Leanbox?"
"Possible, but doubtful," the Oracle shook her head. "There are many different kinds of computer viruses..."
"Well, this one looked like a little purple blob with a big red eye," the priest described.
"That's it!" Haruhi gasped. "That's the one I destroyed at LASA headquarters!"
"Well, I think we can safely assume that the House of Humiliation is behind this one now," John Smith postulated.
"Wait a minute, I know you!" the first priest exclaimed. "You're that alien goddess that was on the Box News broadcast!" A chorus of muted gasps echoed through the lobby...
"That's me! Don't worry, we come in peace!" Haruhi nodded with a smile, before introducing Neon and Kyon. "So do you know exactly where Noire went off to?"
"I don't know, unfortunately," the priest shook his head, "but Lady Uni might..." Pressing a button on the nearby desk phone, he spoke, "Lady Uni, would you please come down to the lobby? The alien goddess Haruhi has arrived..."
"I'll be right there!" Uni's voice answered. Sure enough, a few minutes later, the twin-tailed CPU Candidate emerged from the elevator. "U-umm, hi... I'm guessing you're looking for Noire?"
"Yeah! Sounds like she's having problems with the virus that I took care of in Leanbox..."
"Leanbox was hacked too?!" Uni gasped.
"Specifically, LASA Headquarters was hacked," Neon elaborated. "While milady took care of the virus, her method of disposal made it impossible to trace where it came from..."
"I know where it came from," Uni stated. "It was made by that ex-Demon Lord that almost killed Vert not too long ago!"
"Which means the House of Humiliation is indeed responsible, by extension," Neon said.
"Thanks for stating the obvious," Kyon sighed, before yelping in pain as Haruhi finger-flicked his shoulder.
"Behave," Haruhi chastised, turning back to Uni. "Anyway, do you know where Noire went off to? And how did she get rid of the virus here?"
"It was Sister Ciel!" a priest spoke up. "She literally dived into the system and cut down those viruses one after another!"
"S-say what?!" John Smith grunted in disbelief.
"Um, yeah, she's actually a digital being like the Demon Lord was," Uni appended. "She called herself a Digimon..."
"Digital Monster," Haruhi deduced. "Huh... I've heard of instances of digital entities substantiating in reality, but I didn't realize it was possible here..."
"Well, technically, this world's a video game of sorts itself," Kyon pointed out. "That's why we NPCs appear as shadows- it's a cost-cutting move by the developers..."
"And Noire says I've been hanging out with Neptune and Nepgear too much," Uni deadpanned. "But as for Noire, she and Ciel went off to the gaming convention center..."
"Could you give us directions?" Neon requested.
"Yeah, sure," Uni nodded, taking out her mobile device and bringing up her Boogle Maps app. "Here you go," she held up the device, showing a jagged line that depicted the fastest route.
"Okay..." Haruhi studied the map closely. "Which way is north?"
"That way," Uni pointed.
"Great! Off we go, then! See ya!" Haruhi waved, before she and the others vanished, drawing a few gasps from the lobby.
*Gaming Convention Center, entrance*
"AHHH! It's the aliens!" an NPC pointed as Haruhi, Neon and Kyon appeared at the entrance. "Run for your lives, we're all gonna dieeeeee!" he screamed and ran off in panic.
"Oh, COME ON! Seriously?!" Haruhi cried in dismay. "For crying out loud, we're NOT that kind of aliens!"
"Oh yeah? Looks like you've brainwashed one of our fellow NPCs to be your slave!" another shadow-man accused.
"Yare yare, brainwashed? Seriously?" Kyon face-palmed. "Buddy, if I was brainwashed, then I wouldn't be able to do this!" He abruptly whirled around and socked Haruhi right in the face, knocking her on her butt!
"Milady!" Neon gasped in shock as she promptly kneeled at Haruhi's side. "John Smith, how could you?!"
"Hey, clearest way to prove I'm not a brainwashed slave," John grunted as he shook his hand. "Damn, that hurt!"
"Ugh... didn't ball up your fist tight enough. Owowow..." Haruhi grunted as she nursed her cheek. "I'm okay, I'm okay... ow."
"Hey, what's going on out here?!" a familiar voice yelled as Noire herself stepped out of the building. "Oh, Haruhi, you're here. What happened?"
"Just trying to prove to these idiots that I wasn't brainwashed," Kyon spoke for her.
"I think you definitely proved that," Haruhi said as Neon pulled her back to her feet. "Remind me not to piss you off..."
"Lady Noire, are you sure these aliens can be trusted?!" the NPC from before spoke up.
"They seem on the level enough to me," Noire responded. "Look, I understand your concern, but the ones you should be worried about right now are those Ho-Hum terrorists! After all, they actually tried to kill Uni, remember?!" The NPC seemed cowed by that response, looking down at the ground and saying nothing more. "Anyway, what are you guys doing here?"
"It seems that the virus that you are attempting to contain is the same virus that infected LASA Headquarters in Leanbox," Neon explained. "So we came to offer assistance, though Lady Vert is adamant that we not overshadow you."
"Really? So we weren't the only ones that ex-Demon Lord tried to infect..." Noire mused. "Well, I've got somebody handling the problem already, but we should probably compare notes..." She then turned and walked back into the convention center, Haruhi and the others following behind...
*Convention Center Main Server*
"Hyah! Hah!" Sistermon Ciel cried as she cut down two Kuramon. (Curses, they've multiplied faster than I thought!) Even worse, some of them had grown bigger, with longer antennae and little claws on their underside! (Tsumemon... I can't let those ones escape!) She hurled a few knives at the larger viruses, nailing one but missing the rest as they dodged! (Oh no, they're adapting to my tactics...!) She took a defensive stance as the Tsumemon rushed forward to retaliate...
-only for all the viruses to suddenly be paralyzed by electric fields! A holo-screen opened, showing a blue-haired woman with a witch's hat and a mole below her right eye... "I have temporarily disabled the viruses!" she exclaimed. "Hurry and dispatch them before they escape!"
"Right, thank you!" Ciel nodded in gratitude, using her White Clover Blade to swiftly cut down the Kuramon and Tsumemon around her.
"MAGES.?! Is that you?!" Another holo-screen opened, showing Noire's face.
"But of course! I am always delighted to assist the CPUs, no matter what dimension I currently reside in! Fuahahaha!" the Mad Magician laughed. "But I am also fascinated by this digital entity..."
"She's a nun that works at my Basilicom," Noire stated. "That's all you need to know for now..."
"Her filename reads 'sister-dot-mon(ciel)'," MAGES. observed.
"Sistermon Ciel, that's me," the Digimon said as she chopped several viruses to pieces. "I'm almost done, Lady Noire!"
"Good work!" Noire complimented. "Come back out here when you're done, okay? There's some people I want you to meet..."
"Perhaps I should travel to Lastation to meet her myself, in the near future," MAGES. mused. "However, I have prior obligations right now..."
Ciel stabbed one last Tsumemon in the eye, deleting it. "There... I think that's all of them," she panted. "Mages, was it? You have my gratitude for your assistance..."
"That's MAGES., with a period," the bluenette shook her head. "But you are most welcome! Until we meet again! Fuahahaha!" With that, the holo-screen closed.
"Alright, I'm coming out now," Ciel said as she rose upward, soon emerging from the monitor back into physical reality. "Oh! These must be the people you were talking about," she gasped as she observed Haruhi and the others.
"Whoa!" Kyon gasped at what he had just seen. "I've only seen stuff like this in comic books...!"
"Sweeeeet," Haruhi grinned excitedly. "A real sentient digital being! So who programmed you?"
"Er..." Ciel sweat-dropped. "I was not programmed... I was born from an egg like any other Digimon..."
"She comes from an alternate world that has a digital root origin, not organic," Noire explained. "She's a Champion-level Digimon, which is the fourth tier..." The two then explained about how Digimon evolution worked.
"And that Demon Lord was a Mega-level?" John Smith sweat-dropped. "That's not good... let's hope there aren't any more of them out there..."
"I hope not either," Noire agreed. "But right now, that Digimon's power is restrained to Ciel's level, likely because whoever's leading Ho-Hum wants to keep her under their heel... Argh!" she grunted as an idea occurred to her, "I should've asked MAGES. whether she could track that cat's collar!"
"Who's Mages?" Kyon asked.
"MAGES. the Mad Magician," Noire said. "And yes, that's how you're supposed to say it..." She then explained who she was, and what she had been doing recently...
"Wait... you mean to say, the reason both Lilithmon and her predecessor entered into this world was due to an error on this woman's part?!" Ciel gasped in disbelief.
"Yeah, she was trying to recall somebody from the netherworld that she'd sent there by accident a while ago," Noire elaborated. "Except said woman had already found her way back on her own... in her defense, MAGES. did all she could to assist Vert and the others against the first Demon Lord after she escaped her captivity in the netherworld..."
"That must have been a horrible experience for her," Sistermon Ciel bowed her head and clasped her hands in prayer. "Thank Goddess she seems to be alright..."
"Well, since the virus issue's been dealt with," Haruhi said, "maybe we can help look into that rogue soldier that attacked your sister?"
"Sure," Noire nodded. "Let's head back to the Basilicom... er, by taxi," she quickly added. "After all, I'm sure at least Kyon here would like to see the city a bit..."
"Fine by me," the NPC shrugged.
"I have no objections," Neon added.
"Taxi it is, then," Haruhi concurred. "Let's head out, then..."
But as the group exited the gaming convention center, a Jeep suddenly drove up, the driver- a black-armored man- firing his assault rifle!
"Get down!" Haruhi screamed, everyone hitting the deck as Neon engaged her personal force-field to protect them!
"An ambush, huh?!" Noire growled, breaking away so she could transform to HDD! "You won't get away this time!" she cried as she charged at the suit of armor, kicking him in the head-
-only for the helmet to fly off, revealing nothing inside! "Huh?!" The rest of the armor then fell apart, revealing placard reading 'APRIL FOOLS!' in big letters! "A decoy?!" Black Heart gasped, before getting surprised as she was suddenly sprayed with gray-green slime! "EWWW! Yuck! This stuff smells disgusting! Ptooey! And it tastes even worse!"
"Look at this!" Haruhi said as she retrieved the assault rifle, pulling at it until it abruptly fell apart! "It's a toy gun! And it only fired blanks!"
"Looks like we got snookered," Kyon snarked.
"Lady Black Heart! Are you okay?!" a female NPC ran up.
"Blech... well, it doesn't seem this stuff is toxic, at least," the CPU groaned as she tried to wipe off the slime. "Since you're here, how about calling the police and telling them to impound this Jeep for evidence?"
"At once, milady!" the shadow-woman agreed.
"Here, lemme get that stuff off you so you don't have to take a reeeeeally long shower," Haruhi said as she placed her hand on Noire's back, the slime swiftly turning to light and vanishing! "There you go!"
"Ugh, thanks," Noire grunted as she reverted her transformation. "That Generic Soldier #20 is becoming a real pain in the ass, though! He better hope he's got his final will and testament sorted!"
"But if he has military training, that may enable him to evade any manhunts by the local authorities," Neon pointed out. "In any case, we should remain here until the police arrive, so we can give them our statements..."
"Well, let's hope they're a little more reasonable than the common citizens around here," John Smith deadpanned, "or Haruhi might end up in the clink herself!"
"Very funny, Kyon," the Animenga goddess rolled her eyes. "No jury would convict me anyway!"
"Unfortunately, that is debatable," Neon stated.
"HEY! What's that supposed to mean?!" Haruhi yelled with a vein pulsing on her forehead. "Kyon, stop laughing, it's not funny!"
"Just be thankful it turned out to be a harmless prank," Sistermon Ciel observed.
*In a nearby alleyway...*
"Looks like everything went according to plan," Generic Soldier #20 spoke into his wristwatch communicator. "Lady Noire and the aliens were caught completely off-guard."
"Good work. I assume there's nothing that forensics can trace back to you?" Overlord Momus queried.
"No, sir. The armor was papier-mâché, and I handled everything with gloves and stocking feet."
"Excellent! I've just received word that our newest member assisted with disposing of the rest of BlackGatomon's viruses, so things should be back to situation normal now..."
"Keee! Did someone say Mama's name?" Soldier #20 looked up to see a purple-colored creature with green eyes, long antennae, and a large grinning mouth full of sharp teeth, tentacles making up it's body save for two long arms with large disfigured hands.
"Uh, check that, sir. There's one virus left... and I'm looking right at it."
"Keee! Keramon am I!" it spoke, waving with it's hands. "Where's Mama? Take me to Mama!"
"Um... right through here," Soldier #20 said, holding out his hand with the wristwatch. "Can you travel through there?"
"Kekeke! No problem for me!" Keramon cackled as it promptly dove into said communicator and vanished...
*Ho-Hum HQ*
"Well, I wasn't expecting this," Overlord Momus deadpanned as Keramon digitized into existence before him. "Dr. Pop, could you go and get BlackGatomon from Peashy's room?"
"At once," MAGES. obeyed, swiftly departing.
"Keee! She's gonna bring Mama to me! Hooray!" the Digimon cackled in delight. Just then, Linda walked into the room...
"Hey, boss, I'm getting antsy! You got something I can... uh..." she stopped cold at seeing Keramon.
"Kee?" Keramon tilted it's head curiously.
"YAAAAAAHHH!" Linda screamed in terror.
"KEEEEEEEEE!" Keramon screeched right back.
It took about a half-hour for Overlord Momus to calm everyone down...
*To be continued...*