Ho-Hum and the Alien Visitation
A Hyperdimension Neptunia Fan Fiction
by Derald Snyder
Chapter 22- Thief's Identity Unveiled
*Lowee Basilicom, Rom & Ram's Room*
"I-I'm going to win this time!" Rom asserted as her go-kart pulled even with Ram's on the TV screen.
"Oh no you won't!" Ram growled as she tried to shove her sister's kart off the track... but as they struggled against each other, even literally pushing against each other in reality, they were suddenly interrupted as a purple monster with large hands, green eyes and sharp teeth suddenly flew onto the screen!
"Wh-what's that?" Rom gasped, watching as the creature cackled, before using it's large hands to knock both karts off the track in quick succession!
"HEY! You can't do that!" Ram cried in protest, as the words 'YOU LOSE' appeared on-screen.
"Is this some kind of DLC we didn't know about...?" Rom pondered.
"Kekeke! Too bad for you, your game is doomed!" Keramon taunted on-screen... before suddenly popping out of the TV with hands raised! "KEEEEEE!"
"Kyaaaaaaaahhh!" Both twins screamed as they clung to each other! Not a minute later, the door was smashed down by Blanc's hammer!
"Rom! Ram! Are you okay?" Blanc gasped, short of breath from running there. "What happened...?"
Rom was too terrified to speak, but Ram cried, "Th-there was some purple ghost thingy that screwed up our race! And it then it, like, c-came out of the screen!"
"I-it had b-big hands a-and really sharp t-teeth!" Rom finally managed to get out.
"Out of the TV...?" Blanc raised an eyebrow skeptically. "Okay, let me take a look at the game..." Ram promptly handed over her controller, her sister sitting down as she looked up at the screen, the game having apparently closed due to an error. She tried to restart the racing game, only to get a prompt saying, 'Unable to start game- the data has been corrupted.' "The hell...? The game's been completely bricked!" Just to be sure, she selected 'The Plumber's Odyssey' and was able to load it without issue. "Okay, so it's just that one game... looks like you two got hacked somehow."
"B-but it really did c-come out of the TV...!" Rom insisted.
"I'm not saying it didn't," Blanc shook her head, "but for now, we need to try and find out how your racing game got bricked... So, why don't you two go outside and make a snowman or something, while I get a hold of Cybercrime?"
"Okay," the twins assented...
*Planeptune Basilicom*
"Come on! Is this really nepping necessary?!" Neptune protested, having been tied tightly to a sturdy chair with duct tape.
"Sorry, but after what happened last time, I didn't want to take any chances," Nepgear said. "Thanks for restraining her until I got her tied up, DB..."
"No problem. But was last time really that bad?" Dragon Ball wondered.
"W-well, the last time someone stole Neptune's pudding, she went on the rampage!" Nepgear extrapolated. "By the time she calmed down, the culprit had several broken bones and severe PTSD afterward...!"
"Okay, so I flew off the handle a bit!" Neptune conceded. "But come on, this is pudding we're talking about! And it was my secret emergency stash, to boot! I think I've got a nepping right to be upset!"
"Well, I gotta admit, I wouldn't have expected to look there for your pudding, Nepsy," Uzume commented.
"Even I didn't know where it was!" Nepgear admitted. "And that was the last place I would have looked! N-not that I ever wanted to steal Neptune's pudding, of course, but..."
"Which begs the question, how did that thief know where to look?" Histoire pondered. "Even I was unaware of the exact location of Neptune's pudding..."
At this, Neptune's face went blank for a brief moment, her struggles ceasing. "...okay, you can cut me loose now. I promise not to go on a rampage or anything, alrighty?"
"Well... okay. But I'm holding you to that!" Nepgear said as she used her laser blade to cut the duct tape apart.
"Excuse me..." the group turned to see Nepgya standing there. "Even though the thief was veiled in shadow, I believe I can reconstruct a facial profile that we can run through the criminal database..."
"Really?! Well, why didn't you say so sooner? I'll get a hold of Iffy!" Neptune exclaimed, grabbing her mobile device...
*Soon, at Planeptune's Guild HQ...*
"Okay, so... where do I plug in at?" IF pondered, holding a jack in one hand.
"My belly-button functions as a jack-in port," Nepgya said as she undid one button on her sailor uniform, revealing said port.
"Okay," IF nodded, plugging in and then turning to the screen typing away at the keyboard. "Uh... where's the facial recognition software?"
"Don't you use this computer all the time, Iffy?" Neptune queried.
"Th-the OS got updated recently! It completely changed the interface!" IF stammered. "Oh, here it is. OK, Nepgya, upload when you're ready."
"Acknowledged. Uploading facial data." A shadowed head appeared on the screen, but then details appeared, showing the shape of the eyes, nose, and mouth.
"Alright, let's get some color on this face," IF muttered as she typed away, the face abruptly taking on a fair skin tone, the black eye-shapes then being filled in with white. "What color should we use for the eyes?"
"Let's just use blue for now," Nepgear suggested.
"Okay..." Blue irises and black pupils were added to the eyes. "How about hair color?"
"Let's try brown," Neptune spoke up, IF promptly changing the hair color. "OK, Iffy, let 'er rip!"
"Roger that, Nep!" Iffy initiated the face search. "This might take a while, so..." She was cut off as 'MATCH FOUND' suddenly popped up on the screen. "Wh- already?!" Looking at the match, her jaw dropped in shock. "N...no way..."
"Nepu?!" Neptune's eye shrunk to circles.
"But... that's impossible!" Nepgear gasped at the image shown on the screen:
87% MATCH: REI RYGHTS
FORMER FINAL BOSS
THREAT LEVEL: EXTREME
CRIMES: conspiracy to overthrow government, massive property damage, attempted genocide, attempted murder of White Heart, Black Heart and Green Heart, apologizing too much
(NOTE: found Not Guilty by reason of insanity, exiled to Lowee City)
"Wait, I thought Rei Ryghts turned over a new leaf!" IF said once she got over her shock.
"She did! She's an Ace Attorney now! She even saved Nep Jr. from terrorism charges! But, you knew that already, right, Iffy?!" Neptune babbled.
"If I may..." Nepgya spoke up. "Maybe the thief used a latex mask of Rei Ryghts in case she was caught on-camera, to deceive us."
"Y...yeah! That's gotta be it!" Neptune nodded vigorously.
"But even so, we need to let Rei know about this!" Nepgear insisted. "IF, do you have her number?"
"I should..." IF replied, beginning to pat herself down. "Now, which mobile device did I leave it on...?"
"Oh, for...!" Neptune sweat-dropped. "Never mind, Iffy, I'll just call Blanc and have her tell us!" Pulling out her phone, she quickly dialed Blanc's number... "Hello, Blanc?"
"Neptune, this better be important, some prankster hacker just scared the daylights out of Rom and Ram and I'm trying to find the bastard responsible!"
"That's not good," Neptune sweat-dropped. "Betcha it was those Ho-Hum guys again... look, all I need is Rei Ryghts' number and I'll leave ya alone, OK?"
"Rei's number? Don't you have... oh wait, I forgot who I was talking to. Alright, just a sec..." Blanc then gave her Rei's number.
"Thanks, Blanc! Good luck finding that hacker with crackers!" Neptune said before hanging up.
*Samson & Co. Law Offices*
The desk phone rang, Rei Ryghts quickly picking up. "Samson Law Offices, Rei speaking."
"Heya Rei, it's Neptune! How ya doin'?"
"Neptune?" Rei gasped in surprise. "W-what's g-going on? I-is Nepgear in legal t-trouble again...?"
"No, no, nothing like that," Neptune assured her. "You see, my pudding stash got stolen, and blah blah blah blah..."
"W-what?! The thief had MY face?!" Realization suddenly dawned on Rei. "TENTEEEEEEENNNN!"
Her scream echoed throughout the whole of Lowee City, making Bartholomew wishing he'd invested in earplugs...
*Ho-Hum HQ*
"W-w-why d-did I j-just g-get this feeling of foreboding d-doom...?" Generic Thief #11 shuddered, now revealed to be Tenten Ryghts from 'Law & Order: Leanbox- The Lynx'.
"Well, you did steal Neptune's pudding stash, meow," BlackGatomon pointed out. "Probably should stay outta Planeptune for a while..."
"I'm back, Mama!" Keramon floated into the room. "Rom and Ram screamed real good, kekeke!"
"Did you make sure they couldn't trace you back here?" BlackGatomon pressed.
"Of course, Mama! They'll never find me!" Keramon nodded.
"Good Keramon! Here's some pudding for a job well done, meow!" She handed a plate of pudding to Keramon, who simply tossed the whole thing sans plate into his large mouth...
"Excellent work," Overlord Momus nodded. "Now then, Dr. Pop, are you ready to proceed with your evil plot?"
"I am indeed!" MAGES. proclaimed. "I will require Underling's assistance in order to deflect suspicion away from myself..."
"No problem! About damn time I got another crack at those CPUs!" Linda concurred.
"I'm coming too, chu!" Warechu insisted.
"That's fine," MAGES. nodded. "My plan is foolproof! Even a useless rat like you cannot inadvertently foil it! Fuahahaha!"
"You better be right about that," Underling muttered under her breath.
"HEY! I heard that-chu!"
*To be continued...*