Ho-Hum and the Alien Visitation

A Hyperdimension Neptunia Fan Fiction

by Derald Snyder

Chapter 28- A Really Bad Day

*Planeptune Basilicom*

"So this is your basilica," Princess Asseylum Aldnoah Zero mused as she and her two retainers entered, G Gundam not far behind. "I have to admit, the exterior design belies what the inside looks like..."

"Basilicom. And I'm not one for anything fancy," Neptune stated. "That's more up Noire or Vert's alley."

"My Basilicom's not that fancy," Noire sweat-dropped. "It's more... sleek and streamlined in design."

"More like cold and impersonal," Neptune taunted back. "Probably one of the reasons you don't have any friends..."

"Will you stop?! We've been over this several chapters ago!" Noire yelled with a vein pulsing on her forehead. "I do have a friend now, remember?!"

"I sympathize with your situation, Lady Noire," Asseylum interjected. "Due to my station, I haven't had many people that I could call a friend, either... Mikuru here is one of the few."

"R-really, Your Highness?!" Mikuru squeaked in surprise, her face flushing a little. Just then, something caught her eye. "Oh! Is that a fairy over there?"

"More like an artificial construct in the shape of a fairy," Vert stated. "Her function is a recorder of history, which is why she's called Histoire."

"It's so cute, though!" Mikuru exclaimed as she ran up to Histoire. "I-I almost wanna take it home with me..."

"Please don't," Histoire spoke up, causing Mikuru to yelp in surprise. "But yes, I am Histoire, recorder of history and Oracle of Planeptune. I welcome you, delegation from the Vers Empire of the Animenga Star Cluster."

"The pleasure is all mine," Asseylum said as she and Urusei curtsied, the princess then introducing herself and her retainers. "So, will you tell us a little bit about the history of this planet, or at least this nation?"

"Cliff's Notes version, Histy," Neptune deadpanned, "don't wanna bore 'em for three weeks..." Just then, a phone rang somewhere.

"Oh, that's me," Vert realized, grabbing her mobile device. "...hello? Really? I see... well, that's great news. Tell the Verdant Knights that I commend them for a job well done! Okay, thanks. Good bye." Hanging up, she said, "That was the GM for 4 Goddesses Online... that Keramon apparently tried to snack on my MMO account, but my guild was able to chase it off."

"4 Goddesses Online...? I'm sorry, I'm afraid I don't follow," Asseylum said in mild confusion.

"It's a massive multiplayer online role playing game, or MMORPG for short," Blanc explained. "We CPUs and our sisters tried the new beta awhile back... it wasn't too bad, even if we had to deal with a hacker trying to wreck the game."

"Oh, so it's an online video game," Mikuru realized. "Princess Asseylum doesn't really do that sort of thing, so it's no surprise she would be confused. N-no offense meant, Your Highness."

"None taken," Asseylum reassured her. "But what about this 'Keramon'?"

"Basically, it's a virus made by that Ho-Hum terrorist group to try and mess up our computer systems," Noire expounded. "A less advanced version was used to infect Leanbox's space team HQ, and also my Basilicom in Lastation. Fortunately we managed to fix the damage in both instances, but..."

"Technically, I fixed the problem at LASA," Haruhi spoke up. "But only because things were so bad that nothing else would've worked..."

"Well, I hope you made a good impression with the local space team," Urusei worried.

"The head administrator required some convincing that we were in fact extraterrestrial in origin," Neon pointed out. "Fortunately the deputy administrator and those below him were a bit more amicable..."

"The citizens of Lastation sure weren't, though," John Smith sighed. "One ran away screaming when Haruhi appeared, and another thought I was brainwashed!"

"That's not good," G Gundam sweat-dropped.

"Reminds me of when Daddy first visited a planet that hadn't yet achieved space travel-tcha," Urusei reminisced. "He was kinda large and intimidating, so the people reacted pretty much as you'd expect... At least they warmed up a bit when I came to say hello-tcha. It helped that I was quite the looker back in the day..."

"You have all the men eating out of your hand?" John snarked.

"Something like that," Urusei chuckled. "Not that I was promiscuous or anything of that nature, mind you..."

"My father said that you used to dress in nothing but a bikini and go-go boots," Asseylum spoke up, causing both Mikuru and G Gundam to gasp and blush red at the thought.

"D-did you have to tell them that?!" Urusei cried as her face reddened, causing some light laughter throughout the room...

But then, another ringtone interrupted the good humor... "It's me this time," Noire said as she pulled out and answered the phone. "Hello, Uni, is something wrong...?" Noire went silent as her eyes went wide, her pupils shrinking to pinpricks. "N... No..." the phone slid out of her hand and clattered to the floor as she slumped to her knees, staring listlessly at the ceiling...

"L-Lady Noire?! What's the matter?!" Asseylum inquired.

"Hello? Hello?!" Uni's voice was heard from the phone, Nepgear quickly walking over and picking it up.

"Uni, it's Nepgear! What happened? ...What?! How could they?!"

"Lemme guess, they screwed with Noire's cosplay costumes?" Neptune sighed.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Noire wailed in despair, before curling into a fetal position, crying her eyes out. Immediately the other CPUs were gathered around her, pulling her back to a sitting position, the twin-tailed tsundere eventually settling for sobbing on Neptune's shoulder.

"Um, Uni says that half of Noire's costumes are gone, and the other half got slashed up by a knife or something," Nepgear explained as she hung up Noire's phone. "It must have been Tenten Ryghts who did that..."

"Is she an infamous thief or something?" Asseylum wondered.

"In my nation, she is," Vert nodded, before telling the aliens about what The Lynx had wrought in Leanbox... "And now it seems she's been recruited by Ho-Hum to steal things for them..."

"You'd think after being framed for murder by a mad clone goddess, she'd be willing to turn her life around," Urusei pondered. "Of course, doesn't mean she wasn't coerced into joining somehow..."

"Um, Noire," Haruhi kneeled down beside the sobbing CPU. "If it's okay with you, maybe I could... fix up the costumes that were left behind?"

"R-really...?" Noire sniffled as she turned her head to look Haruhi in the eye. "Y-you'd do that for me...?"

"Sure! We goddesses gotta stick together, after all," Haruhi smiled and nodded. "After all, you only beat that Deity of Sin, Rei Ryghts and Kurome by all banding together, right?"

"That's true," Nepgear nodded and smiled.

"Anything to stop my parka from getting soaked," Neptune also agreed.

"Okay, then! We'll be right back. Shouldn't take long," Haruhi asserted as she took Noire's hand, the two of them vanishing in a flash of light.

"Um, by the way... what is cosplay?" Asseylum asked quizzically.

"It's when you dress up like a character from a cartoon or a movie," Mikuru explained to her. "Um, Haruhi put me in a few of those costumes too..."

"Well, she better not try to dress you in any of Lady Noire's costumes," John asserted with crossed arms. "Or I might just have to deck her again..."

The alien trio gasped at this. "Y-you punched Ma'nabatea in the face?!" Asseylum cried, unable to believe her ears.

"Seriously?!" G Gundam gasped.

"It was only to convince the one Lastation citizen he was not brainwashed," Neon assured them. "Though I did not approve, either."

"Hee hee, you've got some spunk, young man," Urusei smirked once she'd gotten over her initial shock. "Most people are quaking in their boots when they learn who and what Lady Lilith is..."

"I told you not to call me that!" Haruhi yelled as she and Noire reappeared, the latter looking slightly less despondent than before. "Anyway, her remaining wardrobe's fixed, but they still stole the cream of the crop. Uni's getting ahold of the police as we speak..."

"But Tenten shouldn't have been able to steal all those costumes by herself," Noire muttered. "She must've had help..."

"Maybe it was that Generic Ninja that tried to put me and Nep Jr. on ice, literally," Neptune suggested. "Might also explain how they snuck past Uni and K-Sha..."

"But Steamax should've been nearby, he would have stopped them!" Noire insisted.

"U-unless Generic Ninja #25 IS Steamax..." Nepgear suggested. "I-I mean, I don't think anyone's seen him out of his armor, as shy as he is..."

"But- that guy tried to kill you and Neptune!" Noire pointed out. "It doesn't make any sense...!"

"Unless he was trying to lose to Neptune and little Nepgear," Vert countered. "But to be fair, we don't have any proof that Nepgear's theory is accurate..."

"Maybe we should just try asking Uni herself," Neptune suggested. "If anyone's seen that robo-ninja unmasked, it'd be her."

"Alright, I'll do that when I get back home," Noire assented. Just then, another phone rang...

"Hello?" Blanc answered. "Mina? What's going on...?" Her eyes went wide, before going to 'angry-face' mode. "THEY DID WHAT?!" Everyone in the room covered their ears at her outburst, Blanc then taking her hat and covering her face as she started spewing some colorful language...

"Um, dare I ask what happened this time?" Asseylum ventured hesitantly.

"THEY RIPPED MY DAMN HARD DRIVE OUTTA MY COMPUTER!" Blanc pulled her head up to speak clearly. "All my damn manuscripts were on there...!" She buried her face in her hat again, continuing to curse like a sailor...

"My goodness, such unbecoming language for a goddess..." Urusei Yatsura sweat-dropped.

"And she seemed so nice, too," G Gundam grunted in disbelief.

"Give her credit for tryin' to muffle herself," Neptune sighed, handing a pillow to her fellow CPU. "Here, Blanc, this might work better..." Blanc promptly grabbed said pillow and started cursing into that instead, her language now significantly muffled.

"S-so Lady Blanc is a book writer?" Mikuru asked.

"She tries, but they never sell at all," Noire expounded. "I tried reading one of her books once, but I couldn't get past the first chapter, it was so awful..."

"Like you could do any damn better!" Blanc yelled at her before muffling herself again.

"Um, speaking of computers..." Nepgear spoke up again. "Keramon might've been driven out of 4GO, but what about other games of yours, Vert?"

"Oh my goodness!" Vert's eyes shrank to white circles, "I never even considered that! Excuse me for a moment..." She promptly exited the room.

"I think we better get ready to cover our ears again," Neptune deadpanned. "5, 4, 3, 2, 1..."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Vert's wail of despair echoed through the whole Basilicom and beyond. "All my other MMO accounts...! Deleted! Destroyed! All that progress, gone! Whyyyyyyy...?!"

"Nep Jr, you're up," Neptune said with a nod.

"R-right, I'll go comfort her," Nepgear nodded, heading off.

"Seems like you're all having a really bad day-tcha," Urusei sighed and shook her head.

"Yeah, how about we adjourn for now and give everyone some time to calm down?" Haruhi suggested. "Neptune, maybe you can show Asseylum and the others around the city a bit..."

"I'm fine with that," G Gundam agreed.

"I'll come along too," Noire said. "I could use the fresh air, anyway..."

"Very well, let's be going then," Asseylum assented, she and her retainers standing up...

*Ho-Hum HQ*

Blanc's hard drive had been wired into Ho-Hum's main computer, Warechu reading off one of the many manuscripts stored within... "And the Golden Princess of Dawn smashed the Staff of Beginnings into the Dark Lord Vile Destroyer, causing him to realize all the wrongs he had ever done, and the beauty and purity of the Golden Princess of Dawn lit a small shaft of light within his black dark heart..."

"Gahahahaha-! Stop, stop!" Linda cried, rolling on the floor as she guffawed. "I-I'm gonna bust a gut, here...!"

"Me t-too, meow...!" BlackGatomon concurred, also laughing her tail off.

"I'd heard Lady Blanc's writing was bad, but Dear Goddess..." Generic Soldier #20 sweat-dropped.

"You should try reading her attempts at romance novels," Overlord Momus deadpanned. Just then, the sound of an approaching car was heard. "Ah, it seems Generic Ninja #25 and Generic Thief #11 have returned..."

"We're back!" Tenten called as she entered, carrying a few of Noire's cosplay costumes on hangers. "We swiped the cream of the crop, and trashed the rest!"

"Indeed, Lady Uni and Miss K-Sha were so occupied with their FPS, sneaking past them was a cinch," Generic Ninja #25 added.

"Excellent work!" Momus nodded. "Now we just need to wait for Dogoo Man and Kuma, and see if their rescue mission of the old Tenga was successful..."

*To be continued...*