Ho-Hum and the Alien Visitation

A Hyperdimension Neptunia Fan Fiction

by Derald Snyder

Chapter 30- Asseylum Tours Planeptune

*Planeptune City Streets*

"This is quite nice," Princess Asseylum of Vers observed as she and her retainers walked down a street not far from the Basilicom, Neptune and Noire also with them. "Are all the nations of this world similarly advanced?"

"Well, we're all similarly advanced as far as technology is concerned," Noire replied. "All different styles, though... Like I said before, my nation's more sleek and streamlined, while Leanbox looks more like something out of a MMORPG, almost. Of course, given what Vert does half the time or more..."

"And Lowee's in wintry weather through most of the year," Neptune stated. "They used to have houses that looked like giant mushrooms, but that's kinda fallen out of style for more traditional housing up there these days..."

"Heh... giant mushrooms," Urusei Yatsura chuckled. "Boy, does that bring back memories..."

"But why would anyone wanna live in a giant mushroom house?" G Gundam said as she walked with them, her hands behind her head. "I sure wouldn't..."

Just then, Neptune's phone rang. "Hello? ...Hey Nep Jr, what's up? ...Really? Well, I bet Vert's happy about that, huh? ...Okay, thanks. Bye." She then hung up. "Sounds like they contacted tech support for the MMOs that Vert lost, and most of them said they can restore her accounts from backup."

"Well, that's good to hear," Noire nodded. "Doesn't bring back my stolen costumes, though... or Blanc's tacky manuscripts."

"I would like to read one of Lady Blanc's books," Asseylum stated, "just to see if they're really as bad as you say."

"I'll let her know when we get back," Neptune acquiesced. "But I'm warnin' ya, you're either gonna laugh yourself silly or have your brain melt down from the corniness and cliches..."

"Hey, I think we're being followed!" G Gundam pointed to a group of young men a few yards behind the group.

"They probably just want to see the aliens," Urusei pointed out.

"Oh, I know those guys," Neptune said dismissively, "they try to ogle Nep Jr. whenever she goes out on the streets. They're mostly harmless though."

"Th-they're taking pictures!" G Gundam realized. "Pictures of me! You perverts, cut it out!"

"Ah come on, can't we admire such lovely curves as yours?" one of the young men responded.

"Ugh!" G recoiled in disgust, retreating behind Asseylum. "I knew I should've switched to casual clothes before I came here...!"

"I'll handle this," Urusei said, walking up to the group of perverts. "You boys remind me of the entourage I had back in my prime... But I don't appreciate you taking pictures of my colleague without her permission-tcha. Especially when I know you're just gonna do lewd things with them in bed!"

"Oooh, we're so scared!" Another teen taunted. "What are you gonna do, old hag, whack us with your cane?" A round of laughter was heard among the group.

"Uh-oh," Asseylum's eyes went wide, "they called her a hag. Not good..."

"Old hag? Cane?!" Urusei growled in anger. "Now listen here-tcha, I may be old, but I'm still fit as a fiddle! And now I'll prove it!" With that, she undid the obi on her kimono, before throwing the whole thing off! Underneath, she was dressed in a tiger-striped bikini with matching go-go boots, along with steel shoulder guards and wristbands! A length of chain was wrapped around her body, from her left shoulder to her right hip.

"Holy fish sticks!" Neptune's eyes shrunk to white circles. "She was still wearing that raunchy bikini all along!"

"A-and she still looks good in it!" Noire sweat-dropped.

"O-oh my!" Mikuru blushed at the sight, burying her face in her hands from embarrassment.

"W-what the hell?!" Several of the perverts cried in shock.

"Heh, it's been too long since I've cut loose-cha," Urusei said with a sinister smirk as she unslung her chain, twirling it with practiced precision. "Time to discipline you sorry hentais!" Screams of terror and pain ensued as the youths were assaulted with chain lashes, kicks to the face and to their groins!

"W-whoa, I've never seen her like this before!" G Gundam commented.

"I'd only heard stories from Father, myself," Asseylum concurred.

"Stop hurting my buddies!" One large boy managed to grab Urusei around the ribcage, pinning her arms!

"Big mistake-tcha," Urusei grinned sinisterly. "DIVINE RETRIBUTION!" The young man screamed as he lit up with several hundred volts of electricity! "Don't worry, he'll live-tcha, it's just like a high end taser!" she said as he collapsed to the ground in a smoking heap. A few more tried to tackle her in revenge, only for the greenette to jump and rise several feet above- and stay there!

"Holy crap! She can fly?!" one of the perverts cried in disbelief.

"Maybe now you realize what this old hag is still capable of?" Urusei taunted, her horns and hairs sparking menacingly. "Now shove off, whippersnappers!" Fortunately the teens got the hint, dragging off their zapped friend as fast as they were able!

"I suppose now you see why she's one of my retainers," Asseylum stated rhetorically.

"Um, here," Neptune picked up Urusei's kimono, handing it back to the alien as she descended back to street level. "Put this back on, before you, like, get arrested for indecent exposure or something!"

"Thank you, Lady Neptune," Urusei nodded as she slid the garment back over her bikini. "Well, hopefully those boys'll think twice before trying to take pictures of G again..."

"Th-thanks, Mrs. Yatsura," G Gundam bowed her head in respect. "If I don't need to pilot, I think I should change into looser clothes as soon as I can..."

"I think some of Nep Jr's clothes will fit you," Neptune suggested. "We'll have to ask her, but I don't think she'll have a problem with letting you borrow some of hers..." Just then, her phone rang again. "Whoops, speaking of which... hello?" she answered. "Oh, Vert, what's happening? ...Really? Sweet! About time we had some good news! Sure, I'll let Noire and the others know! 'Kay, bye!" Hanging up, she addressed the group, "Vert just got a call from Chika, sounds like they managed to capture one of the bad guys!"

"Which one?" Noire asked.

"Eh, it was that Kuma bear Uzume fought with not long ago. Sounds like Tekken helped Big Peashy smack him down. But of course, being a bear, he probably doesn't know much..."

"B-bear? As in a big grizzly bear?!" Mikuru squeaked.

"Yeah, and one trained in karate," Noire said. "He's training partners with Tekken, who trains in karate, but she's kind of a masochist."

"What is a masochist?" Asseylum asked.

"Somebody who gets off on pain," Neptune deadpanned. "I think Nep Jr. tried sparring with her, but she quit out of disgust 'cause Tekken kept moaning in enjoyment when she got hit..."

"O-oh, my!" Asseylum put her hands over her mouth. "W-what could make somebody enjoy pain like that?!"

"Explains why a bear's her training partner," G Gundam sweat-dropped. "So this bear was part of that terrorist group?"

"Yeah, but like I said, he's just hired muscle, like that Dogoo Man," Neptune said. "Anyway, we should haul butt back to the Basilicom... Hopefully Blanc's calmed down by now too, so she can get Princess here one of her lame books..."

*Meanwhile, back at the Deucalion...*

"Tell me again why I'm doing this?" Wing Gundam sighed as he flew over the crowds at the airport, having unequipped the machine gun.

"Because the people seem to be really enamored by your robot!" came the reply over the radio. "What better way to help break the ice with a new civilization than to put on a good show for them?"

"Roger that," Wing sighed as he turned and did a forward flip in midair, eliciting cheers from down below... but then, his robot shifted direction, flying right at the ship's hull! "What the-?!" He tried to compensate, only for his robot to simply pirouette and slam it's backside into the ship! Fortunately his cockpit was reinforced for such impacts, but he still jerked back from the inertia. The robot then fell to the ground, before abruptly pulling itself up, starting to wildly dance about with flailing arms! "Argh! Something's wrong with the controls!" He removed the glass shield over a large button labeled 'EMERGENCY SHUTDOWN', then slamming it with his palm! Thankfully it did the trick, the giant robot stopping mid-step before collapsing on its front, multiple airbags deploying to keep Wing safe from a lethal impact. "What the hell just happened...?"

*Ho-Hum HQ*

"It seems I have been cut off," MAGES. mused, sitting at the computer. "The pilot must have engaged the emergency shutdown procedure."

"But you were able to hijack control?" Overlord Momus said.

"Partially, yes," the Mad Magician nodded. "A few tweaks in my code, and I should be able to fully hijack their technology! And then we will see how the CPUs deal with this! Fuahahaha!"

"Indeed, we shall see if they are up to the task of stopping an alien giant robot," Momus rubbed his hands in anticipatory glee...

*To be continued...*