Chapter 2: Bait and Fail
The first time Kaidou and I met, he ran out crying for being bullied for his eight-grade syndrome and charged back in to jump in front of a venomous snake because he had an eight-grade syndrome. He didn't have any feasible plan other than to die, so I had to kill the snake, furthering his eight-grade syndrome.
At least to you readers, that was the "official" first meeting. I ignored Kaidou in our actual first scene together (it happened off-screen and only for a split-second. I don't even remember what it looked like because I blinked at that exact moment.) Most people would be annoyed or disappointed for a lack of reaction, but Kaidou's regressed mind operated differently. His interpretation leaped common sense and bounded over any logic. Since then, he had taken me for a kin. His favourite kin, sadly, even though I tragically wasted more brain cells with Toritsuka than I ever did being around Kaidou.
By default, Kaidou was around when Nendou was around. Odd as this might sound, but adding Nuisance 1 and Nuisance 2 together create a peaceful harmony in my situation. They annoy each other, which I ignore so that they could ignore me. Thus, despite the many scenes Kaidou and I share together, we barely have any direct interaction. It's like having a pet rock. Can anyone truly come to love a pet rock even if they spend every moment of their lives together?
Is Kaidou ever graduating pet rock status? That's what we're about to find out.
"Oh, Saiki! What a coincidence. You just got here too?"
Yes.
Though I can't say it was wholly a coincidence. I used clairvoyance beforehand to check where Kaidou was. For some reason, I was feeling uneasy when I got here, and this confirmed my suspicion…
Kaidou grinned apologetically. "Sorry, I had to take care of something this morning, so I was a bit late!"
That's right. Kaidou, the overemotional guy with a Chihuahua for a guardian spirit, was late.
"Well, we still have fifteen minutes to grab some snacks. What popcorn do you want?"
No, Kaidou. You're late. Fifteen minutes is a perfectly good amount of time to buy snacks for a movie. To normal people, you are cutting it a bit close, but not bad enough to actually be late for the movie. In short, you were right on time.
Something was definitely wrong with that.
The only reason Kaidou would be late was due to a combination of over-excitement and sleep deprivation. But he showed no signs of exhaustion or rapid deterioration of consciousness… Does this mind he had a proper sleep last night? He wasn't so excited that he ended up sleeping at 3 AM?
If only I could read Kaidou's mind, I might glean something from what he did this morning. But as you may already be aware of, my telepathy is useless in a crowded place. A Saturday premiere was bound to be full of people, so I expected this to happen.
Anyway, it isn't important right now. There's a reason why I chose the theatre as the setting of my investigation. Watching an anime film is only the bait of a trap.
And Kaidou had already laid his eyes on one.
Surprise, bemusement…and, if I'm correct…
Yes, Kaidou gasped! He realized it!
"Saiki, look!"
I'm surprised it took Kaidou this long to notice. Samurai Ninja E-Alchemist is an old anime that completely wowed an entire generation of adults back when anime was strictly made for children. It's not an exaggeration to claim that it even changed the anime landscape! I would say the impact was on the level of Neon Genesis Evangelion, but I don't really get why it's so heavily worshipped so I can't really explain it well either.
But it's pretty popular. Popular, especially, among the stars of every anime convention.
Cosplayers!
I know for a fact that Kaidou loves cosplaying. He may even frequent conventions, who knows? But I don't want you assuming that every anime film get this sort of attention though. Samurai Ninja E-Alchemist just happens to be riding a very strong nostalgia wave at the moment. After twenty-five years, the devotees – I mean, fans – are getting a cash cow sequel.
Still, I can't read Kaidou's thoughts. But Kaidou's always been easy to read without telepathy. All I need is my pair of eyes and my keen, observant mind. Now, with this trap, reveal to me thy inner eight-grader! Activate!
Kaidou blinked at me. "Isn't that your brother? Is he back from Japan?"
…I said, Activate! Did I summon Nendou's inner Nendou by accident? Kusuke graduated college a couple of months ago, so he's unfortunately back to Japan. Thankfully, he's squatting with our grandparents instead, where his filthy existence has been of some use to make our tsundere grandpa happy. He's not in town. And even if he were, why the heck would he be in a theatre? And cosplaying—
"Yo, Kusuo!"
…My head did kind of hurt earlier. Could this be a premonition? If so, I have to do everything in my power to prevent this future from happening. Sorry, Kaidou, but I may have to blow away the ceiling to make sure this doesn't happen. We'll watch a movie neither of us really care about some other time.
Kusuke tilted his head as though to get a better angle of my face. "You don't look well. Could you possibly be thinking that this is just some sort of bad dream? Or, do I daresay…a premonition? What's wrong? Did you wet your pants?" Kusuke laughed softly.
I shouldn't justify that question with a response, but I'm obligated to mention that that someone else's running gag.
Wait, does that count as a spoiler? What's the canon point of this fanfic…?
Kusuke feigned surprise at seeing Kaidou with me. "It's Kusuo's friend! Where's the butt-chinned sidekick?"
"Nendou's not here. It's just Saiki and I. What are you – "
Kusuke had that "something's not quite right" look on me. "Kusuo doesn't go to the movies and I know this isn't a date. Someone's being out-of-character here." It can be frightening how on-point Kusuke's intuition is. He didn't say it was me, and of course, he had no reason to assume it was Kaidou.
Kaidou was trying to exchange glances with me, but… I don't know what to tell you, Kaidou. I had a plan to find out the reason for your character change last month. But an irritating NPC made his appearance in a scene I wasn't expecting him to be in. I sensed he was going to pop out one way or another, but as soon as Chapter 2? Is this story trying to move faster?
"I don't really get what you mean... But Saiki and I never really hang out before, you know? We're trying to fix that," said Kaidou optimistically, trying to bring the normalcy back. (I can't believe it would be Kaidou…well, I could. He's not as bad as Nendou, but it feels as if I'm the weird one Kaidou's trying to cover for.)
Kusuke hummed neutrally, still staring at me. He doesn't believe it at all.
What's the point of him being here? He wasn't making unfunny jokes to me or bullying anyone within my close proximity. He's just here being a big inconvenience to my plan for no apparent reason. Shoo, shoo. Don't leave the basement unless I tell you to.
"Hm? Oh! You're wondering what I'm doing here?" Kusuke smiled and gestured to the lab coat he was referring. "And I suppose you're not wondering about this. You don't care enough to be bothered to know."
If you already know that, why not respond to the one I cared enough to bother to know?
Kusuke hummed again, his smile growing cheeky. "I guess I never told you."
What…? I honestly don't care, but if it ends this quickly, just tell me.
It was Kaidou who put an immediate end to this pointless conversation. "I get it now," exclaimed Kaidou. "You're Sai-sensei!"
I see. Yes, this makes sense. I'm glad this mystery has been solved. Goodbye.
Kaidou grabbed my shoulder, not realizing I was about to make my extremely inconspicuous, super natural escape.
"Your brother's a fan, Saiki! Did you know that? I thought his antenna thing was some sort of fad in England, but seeing him in a lab coat made me realize he's paying homage to Ninja Samurai E-Alchemist!"
Kusuke laughed as though he were embarrassed by being exposed. "Oh no, you got me!"
Kaidou pointed at me. No…he was pointing at my limiters. "But I see now that you're an even bigger fan, Saiki! That's what these hair pins are about, right? Look." He pointed to the giant movie poster on the wall. "They're the main character's trademark!"
"It's pretty embarrassing for my brother to find out my love for a magical girl anime," said Kusuke, not at all embarrassed. "Ninja Samurai E-Alchemist was my childhood after all."
No, it wasn't. I know because Kusuke's childhood was spent on pointlessly trying to beat me.
"Oh, you were too young to remember, Kusuo. I was two years old when I first saw it, haha!"
Kaidou blinked. "You remember that far back?"
"Well, duh. I can even recall the first time my eyes adjusted to the sudden brightness. When Mama gave bi—"
Damn it, Kusuke, not everyone was a freak like you. It was time I not-so-subtly took my brother to the side. Kaidou appeared to be on his way to recovery. Don't infect him with anything weird.
"Hm, what's this about, Kusuo? You want to talk about something? Can't it wait after the movie? I'm kind of in a hurry here."
If you were in such a hurry, you wouldn't have wasted both our time. Just don't bother us. You already ruined my set-up.
"Just kidding! It looked like you were up to something, so I got curious. I'll leave you two alone." Before leaving, he patted me on the shoulder. "Just promise me you won't get mad. Bye-bye!"
I have no idea what he was talking about, but I will gladly keep in mind in blaming him for every incident to happen for the rest of the day.
"A world where psychic powers are used for the greater good of mankind? Impossible!" cried Wolven, the antagonist of the movie. He had just been beaten soundly by the protagonist, An Anne Anita after what was a semi-climactic showdown.
"I used to think the same as you, Wolven, but…" An plucked the pink limiters from her long, pink hair, suspiciously in the identical shade as mine. "But my dear older brother's sacrifice has opened my eyes. I can't live this simple girl-next-door life anymore. No…" She shook her head sadly. "Rather…I don't have a choice. This is fate."
Wolven coughed his final breaths to curse the very man he groomed. "I should have… left him to die… that day. An Anne Anita… One day, you will… curse him as I have…"
"Maybe, Wolven. I'm not as strong as people think I am. Even now, I feel as if my resolve would not be enough. But it is because I am weak that I choose to believe. I want to believe… Believe in the future my brother, your protégé, died for."
With her powerful telekinesis, An flew to outer space. It was a gorgeous trip to feast on, with the solemn and soulful Utada Hikaru music giving me chills. I could further attest to its impressiveness as I personally know flying to outer space wasn't as cinematic as the movie was making it to be. But the awe was enough to make me suspend my disbelief.
"I'm sorry for hiding my powers from everyone for this long. If I had shared what I could do to the whole world from the start, everyone would still be alive."
I disagree. You can't make yourself responsible for every life no matter how omnipotent you are. But from what An had been through, I understand that she was speaking from the pain of losing the life she'd always known. This was the only path she saw that could lead her to redemption. At least in her eyes. If Wolven had survived, her fate would have been completely different.
An drew her Gaia Staff from its sheathe and performed the intricate Prometheus Immortal Seals she'd stolen from Wolven. With all her powers, she directed the energy to stop the destruction of the planet and bring it back to the way it was. It was another cinematic show afterward to signal the continuation of life, hope that continued to beckon the future.
I gasped, and so did the entire audience. A dark portal opened behind An, from which the Nine-Tailed Fox emerged and stabbed An with its last claw. I wasn't expecting this at all! An was going to live, right? I hadn't forgotten that the Nine-Tailed Fox was still alive, but the movie was almost over. Were they going to rush a second boss battle? Damn it, don't ruin it! I was ready to forgive the mediocre final boss.
But the portal suddenly closed. The Nine-Tailed Fox was too weak to fully materialize. An went limp. Instead of dramatically falling into earth and making some giant tidal splash in the sea (as I have; space trips are weird) she drifted in space with a bloodied dress and tears on her eyes…
We didn't hear anything from her. We didn't see her eyes to confirm if she were dead. She just drifted, with her face turned to the restored, blue planet. The screen darkened and the credits started to roll.
Wow, that was sad. I have actually already been spoiled right as we took our seats since some movie-goers who saw the fan showing decided to watch again. But I've forgotten about it and convinced myself that something else was going to happen to prove me wrong. I didn't think An would die like that. Did she feel alone? Did she see the beautiful world she worked to protect in her last moment?
The cinema remained dark. I've already overheard that there was an after-credits scene.
"Ah, Mama, let me carry him for you!"
"Oh, Papa, it's okay. More importantly, where's –"
A strangely very familiar family home. A boy with a shadowed face greeted his parents.
"Is that my brother? Why does he have pink hair?"
"I know right? He's so cute!"
"What's his name?" the boy asked promptly.
The mother gasped. "Oh, we haven't even introduced him yet! His name is…"
The voices faded as the screen eased out. My hands were balled into fists. You wouldn't dare…
In the black screen, a name appeared.
[ KUSUO]
You heard that? That was Kusuke just now, yelling and disrupting the movie. He was seated two rows behind us, but I know his popcorn and the popcorns besides him just smacked him on the face. I know, because I did this.
I can't believe that guy actually did it. He just ruined a perfectly good movie for me. What was the point of it? Was it to scare me? A bad, absolutely pointless prank? The movie made such a big deal with the name when it made no sense whatsoever to make it seem like there was a deep meaning behind it! No one would find out I was psychic from this movie, but still…!
"Oh man, that blew me away!" said Kaidou as the lights turned back on. "I didn't know the 'E' in the title stood for ESP."
No one did, apparently, since I didn't know. But what did Kaidou make up of that name in the end? It's just a bizarre coincidence to anyone. Even the eight-grader syndrome Kaidou wouldn't make such a baseless leap of logic.
"I really like the reincarnation scene they added. It gives it a hopeful ending. Like, I think An will finally get the ordinary life she wanted with a normal family, you know?"
Hahahahaha.
Well, I hope they don't make a comedy series about it.
We were about to leave when Kaidou stopped to loiter at the exit of the cinema for some reason. When he saw my confusion, he said, "Hm? Aren't we waiting for your brother?"
You don't even know him – Heck, I'm sure you don't like him either. We're obviously ditching him, come on.
Too late. Kusuke appeared, a stray popcorn wedged in his anti-telepathy invention.
"Hey, Kusuo, where are you going? I really wanted to hear what you thought of my dedication. Haha!"
Kaidou set his frown of confusion at me. "Dedication?"
I'm going to kill this guy.