Ho-Hum and the Alien Visitation
A Hyperdimension Neptunia Fan Fiction
by Derald Snyder
Chapter 31- Caged Bears and Stolen Cosplays
*Leanbox City Zoo*
"Wakey wakey..."
Kuma groaned as he slowly woke up, becoming aware that his paws had been restrained... then his vision cleared, showing Peach and Tekken standing menacingly over him. "(Uh-oh... I'm in trouble.)" Indeed, they were inside a spare zoo cage, and all his limbs had been shackled to the wall.
"BIG trouble," Tekken nodded. "If you know what's good for you, you'll answer us honestly! Peashy, you question him, and I'll translate."
"Alright," Peach affirmed. "First things first- why did you join with these terrorists?"
"(They're not terrorists!)" Kuma protested. "(The leader says we're just testing the CPUs to make sure they're ready when a REAL threat comes around! And given that aliens have landed, I can see why!)"
Tekken relayed this to Peach, who bit her lip in thought. "Is that so...? Alright then, who's the leader?"
"(Somebody called 'Overlord Momus'. But he wears a mask, so I don't know what he really looks like...)"
"Overlord Momus?" Tekken pondered, before asking, "But why would he hire you of all bears?"
"(He knows that you can hold your own against the CPUs, and he figured the same held true for me,)" Kuma growled back. "(I mean, me, a simple grizzly bear, being told I'm near the level of a CPU?! You'd be flattered, too!)"
After hearing Tekken's translation, Peach responded, "So you were lured by honeyed words, not actual honey, huh? So who else is part of this operation? We know there's a rogue Leanbox soldier, a thief, Underling, Warechu, S-Sha's Dogoo Man, the Demon Lord we took down not too long ago, and a ninja... anyone else we don't know about?"
"(There's some kid called Citrus, but I don't know what she does... Oh, and a new recruit called Dr. Pop, she knows a thing or two about computers, but that's all I know.)"
"A kid is part of this group?" Tekken said in mild disbelief. "Unless maybe the kid and Momus are family or something..."
"(I have no idea,)" Kuma shrugged. "(I swear I don't know anything else... I just followed orders!)"
"Following orders? Shame, Kuma!" Tekken shook her head. "I thought even a dumb bear like you would know better than to become a villain's hench-bear! Guess I was wrong... so you can just stay in here for a while!" With that, she and Peach exited, the latter firmly shutting and latching the cage door.
"(...at least those polar bears can't see me in here,)" Kuma grumbled. "(They'd probably be pointing and laughing at me right now...)"
*Back at Planeptune Basilicom...*
"Overlord Momus?!" Neptune groaned upon hearing Peach's report from Vert's phone. "Seriously?! Geez, couldn't you have come up with a better alias than the one Arfoire used in the very first game?!" She and the other CPUs (and Nepgear) were sitting around a large table listening to the bodyguard's report, Asseylum and her retainers sitting with them, while Haruhi, Neon and John Smith stood off to the side.
"And Kuma says there's a child in their ranks?" Vert said. "How disturbing, if true!"
"Wouldn't be the first time Neptune and I have had to deal with a child being used as a weapon," Nepgear commented. "Vert told you about that, right, Miss- (ahem) I mean, Peashy?"
"Yeah, I was pretty pi- er, ticked off, finding out what those Seven Sages did to the other me," Peach caught herself. "If this kid gets hurt while we're fighting Ho-Hum, Lady Vert should hope she gets to this Overlord Momus first! Or Neptuna..."
"So there's two Peashys?" Asseylum observed.
"Yeah, the younger one comes a parallel dimension," Haruhi spoke up. "Neptune can fill you in on the details later..."
"But you say the Tenga escaped?" Vert asked.
"Yeah, they did, that Dogoo Man tossed me into Nisa so she couldn't shoot them down," Peach explained. "So even if we caught the bear, they still accomplished their mission..."
"You did what you could," Vert assured her. "Make sure Tekken knows how much we appreciate her helping out..."
"I'll do that," came the reply. "Staff Sergeant Macintosh out."
"...So this Ho-Hum's purpose is to test you for a real threat?" Urusei mused. "Have things been peaceful here long enough that some might fear you're becoming complacent?"
"Not in Leanbox, they haven't," Vert shook her head. "We had to deal with a literal Demon Lord trying to conquer my nation recently... and one of her former subordinates now works for these villains."
"I had to recently deal with a vampire trying to envelop my nation in eternal night," Noire added. "Thankfully we managed to nip that plot in the bud with help from Rei Ryghts..."
"I assume you stumbled upon this plot when Rei Ryghts was handling a court case in your nation?" Neon guessed.
"Bingo," Noire nodded. "Anyway, it's all over and done with now..." Just then her phone rang. "Hold on... hello? Uni, what's up? ...say WHAT?!"
"What is it this time?" Asseylum asked worriedly.
"Okay, thanks for letting me know. Don't do anything before I get there!" Hanging up, she explained, "There was just a Neptube video uploaded showing Underling and Warechu mocking me in two of my cosplay outfits! I have to go teach them a lesson!"
"Whoa, whoa, hold on!" Neptune cut in. "Doesn't this sorta thing scream 'trap' to you?! It would for me!"
"It could also be meant to be a distraction for a more sinister plot," Vert added.
"So what would you suggest I do then?!" Noire demanded with a visible blood vein.
"Leave Underling to me and Nep Jr!" Neptune declared with a smile. "She won't be expecting us to show up, not to mention, we're not as emotionally invested in your cosplay stuff, so we can keep our heads clear and our eyes peeled for any traps she might try to spring on us!"
"Except last time, you fell right into her trap anyway," Histoire pointed out.
"But we managed to free ourselves by transforming," Nepgear countered.
"Right, so this time we'll confront her in HDD right away!" Neptune said with a confident smile. "You'll let us handle this one, right Noire?"
"...oh, all right," Noire conceded. "Just- try not to destroy my costumes if possible. And make sure Uni and K-Sha stay on guard in case it does turn out to be another distraction."
"Rightcha!" Neptune nodded. "So, Haruhi, if you can warp us over to the Lastation Basilicom..."
"No problem," the Animenga goddess agreed, taking Neptune and Nepgear's hands. "You guys'll be fine without me for a while, right?"
"I'm sure we can manage, Ma'nabatea," Urusei assured her.
"Alright, off we go, then!" Haruhi exclaimed, she and the Planeptune sisters vanishing in a flash of light.
*Lastation Basilicom*
"We're here~!" Neptune announced as she, Nepgear, and Haruhi appeared next to Uni and K-Sha.
"Wait, Nepgear?! And Neptune, too?" Uni realized.
"Where's Noire at?" K-Sha sounded mildly disappointed.
"We came in her stead, to try and catch Underling off guard," Nepgear explained. "So where's the video Underling sent?"
"Right here," Uni turned to the computer, pulling up the video in question. It showed Linda and Warechu taunting Noire, the former dressed in an outfit resembling Ereshkigal from Fate/Grand Order, while Warechu's head poked out the top of a costume invoking the image of a cloaked ronin. The height that Warechu's head was from the ground made it clear he was standing on top of someone else hidden inside the costume...
"Betcha whoever Warechu's standing on is part of the trap they're hoping to spring on us," Neptune observed.
"It's impossible to tell who it might be," Nepgear concurred.
"That Ereshkigal costume is one of Noire's favorites," Uni stated. "She was really proud of it... do you think there's anyway you can get that costume off her without destroying it?"
"Hey, as long as you bring it back semi-intact, I can fix it up," Haruhi pointed out. "In the meantime, Noire says the rest of us need to stay on guard in case this is just a distraction..."
"Right, I understand," Uni nodded.
"We won't allow anyone to sneak past us again!" K-Sha promised. "I know a thing or two about stealth myself, after all!"
"Alright then, we're off!" Neptune exclaimed, she and Nepgear promptly transforming and flying out the open window...
*Lastation City, Back Alleys*
(Music- 'Boss Theme 1', Sonic 4 Episode I)
"Whooooa, easy there, chu!" Warechu cried as he wobbled around atop his comrade in the ronin costume. "I really hope that CPU shows up soon, chu...!"
"She will, there's no way she could resist getting her costumes back," Linda stated. "But will we have a surprise waiting for her!" Just then a sudden gust of wind knocked her hat off! "Huh...? What was tha-" She yelped as she suddenly felt a slight cutting sensation, screaming in shock as the rest of her costume split apart and fell to the ground, leaving her in nothing but her bra and panties! "What the hell?! Who did that?!"
"We did!" Underling and Warechu looked up to see Purple Heart and Purple Sister, their blades at the ready!
"Hey! You're not Black Heart, chu! What's the meaning of this?!" Warechu gasped in shock.
"Obviously, we came in her stead," Purple Heart said bluntly. "As you can see, we learn from our mistakes, Underling!"
"So you two better give up if you know what's good for you!" Nepgear added.
"As if!" Linda shot back, despite turning beet red with embarrassment at her near-nude state. "Citrus, you're up!"
"OK, Punk Lady!" a young voice said from inside the ronin costume which was promptly thrown off (along with Warechu), revealing a very familiar face. "Ta-da! Pea's here!"
"Peashy?!" the two goddesses cried in disbelief.
"Surprise, suckers!" Underling chuckled. "Citrus here is gonna give you some exercise!"
"That's right! Mom-Us says you're getting fat and lazy, Neptuna! That's no good, so Pea's gonna fight you until you're not lazy anymore!" With that the five-year-old was engulfed in a pillar of light, transforming to Yellow Heart!
(Music- 'Boss Theme 2', Sonic 4 Episode I)
Purple Heart and Purple Sister cried out in surprise as they barely dodged Yellow Heart's charge! Undeterred, the blonde CPU whipped around and lashed out with her claws, the Planeptune duo barely parrying her attacks!
"Come on, Warechu, we're outta here!" Linda said as she grabbed the cloak from the ronin costume and wrapped it around herself.
"Right behind ya, chu!" Warechu agreed as the two beat a hasty retreat down the alley!
"Come back- agh!" Nepgear cried as Yellow Heart blocked her path, hastily dodging several slashes from her opponent! "S-stop it, Peashy! You're being a bad girl!"
"Nuh-uh, you're a bad girl for bein' lazy!" Yellow Heart retorted. "So Yellow's gonna give you a work-out!"
"Oh, why is this happening again?!" Purple Sister lamented as she retreated to her sister's side. "I'm getting horrible flashbacks from the Ultradimension...!"
"This isn't like Eden," Purple Heart assured her. "Peashy's tough, but she's not a hopeless boss fight this time. We can win if we work together!"
"Here I come, Neptuna~!" Yellow Heart squealed as she flew at them...
*Ho-Hum HQ*
Overlord Momus felt his mobile device vibrate, swiftly answering. "Yes, Underling #3? ...what? Neptune and Nepgear?! Ah, I see, Citrus is handling them... well, hurry back to base so you can get a fresh change of clothes!" Hanging up, he called, "Dr. Pop!"
"You rang?" MAGES. walked up.
"Neptune and Nepgear are currently away from Planeptune. Have you worked out the kinks in your hijacking code yet?"
"I believe I have. Shall we make our move then?"
"Yes! Let us show these aliens how vulnerable they are, and how unprepared the CPUs are to deal with a true threat!"
"At once, Overlord Momus!" MAGES. made a beeline for the computer...
*At the Deucalion...*
"It looks like somebody attempted to remotely hijack the operating systems," the technician examining Wing Gundam's robot reported.
"How is that possible?" Wing inquired. "We're on an alien planet, our code shouldn't even be compatible..." Just then he heard movement, looking up... but his robot hadn't budged. Another noise caused him and the technician to shift their gazes to G Gundam's unattended robot, which suddenly began moving of it's own accord! "What the hell?! Did someone sneak on board?!"
"No one's in the cockpit!" another technician confirmed. "It's another remote hijacking!" The giant robot's hand glowed with power, allowing it to melt a hole in the hatch, then tear open a hole large enough for it to escape through!
"Mayday! Mayday! G Gundam's unit has been hacked!" the first technician radioed to the bridge. "Request permission to launch Wing Gundam's unit to intercept!"
"Granted! We'll contact G Gundam and the princess at once!" came the reply.
"Roger that! Here I go!" Wing said as he swiftly climbed up to his own cockpit, getting inside and powering up his robot. "This is Wing, ready to launch!" The access hatch promptly opened, Wing's robot rocketing out and pursuing after it's hijacked counterpart!
*To be continued...*