Ho-Hum and the Alien Visitation
A Hyperdimension Neptunia Fan Fiction
by Derald Snyder
Chapter 34- Robot Battle Aftermath
*Planeptune City*
"Hello, everyone!" Orange Heart called over her megaphone, she and the other three HDD CPUs flying before the Nepgeardam 2.0 as it plodded through the streets. "Thanks to Gearsy's Nepgeardam, the evil giant robot is now a giant pile of scrap! Three cheers for Nepgeardam!"
"Hip hip hooray!" the NPC civilians cheered in joy and relief upon hearing the news.
"Still, if word of this gets back to the Vers Emperor, he's not gonna be happy about this..." Haruhi muttered from inside the Nepgeardam, Neon having joined the group and reverted to her human guise.
"Well, hopefully Princess Asseylum can convince her father not to do anything rash," Nepgear suggested.
"Yeah, but who expected those Ho-Hum guys would be capable of hijacking alien technology?" Neptune pointed out.
"Pea's sorry, Neptuna! Pea didn't think they were bad guys...!" Peashy cried, a few tears trickling down her cheeks. "Pea thought they just wanted you to stop being lazy! That's what Mom-Us said...!"
"Hey, hey, calm down, P-ko," Neptune left her console to wrap Peashy in a reassuring hug. "Look, once we get back, you can tell us what you know about these guys, and we'll call that good enough, OK?"
"O-okay..." Peashy sniffled, burying her head in Neptune's shoulder.
*Planeptune Basilicom*
"Welcome back, everyone," Histoire greeted as the party entered. "It seems you've managed to emerge victorious..."
"Yeah, I just got the call from Deucalion," G Gundam said. "Thanks for not completely destroying my mecha..."
"Thank goodness... oh, I see a few new faces," Asseylum observed. "Would you mind introducing yourselves, please?"
"I'm Pea! Er, Peashy," Peashy exclaimed. "I'm a CPU from another dee-men-shun that helps and loves Neptuna! ...though Pea messed up big time just now..."
"I'm Uni, Noire's sister and CPU Candidate of Lastation."
"K-Sha of Gold Third. I'm Noire's best friend~!"
"Uni, K-Sha, good work helping Neptune and Nepgear," Noire acknowledged with a nod, she and the others having reverted to normal. "By the way, Neptune, did you get my clothes back?"
"Got 'em right here!" Haruhi pulled the two cosplay costumes from hammerspace. "I fixed 'em up good as new for you!"
"Oh, so you got Lady Noire's costumes back, that's wonderful," Asseylum said with a smile.
"Yeah, you shoulda seen the look on that Underling's face when we stripped her naked!" Neptune laughed. "I wish I coulda taken a picture...!"
"Hmm, we could probably say that's karma for stripping my Oracle and bodyguard naked," Vert observed with a smirk.
"But they escaped again?" Noire couldn't help but ask.
"It's Pea's fault! Pea got tricked into helping bad guys!" Peashy shouted. "Pea's really sorry to everyone...!"
"Wait, so that means...YOU were Citrus?!" Vert gasped.
"Uh-huh," Peashy nodded sadly. "Neptuna spanked me for that... she says that Pea has to tell you all about the bad guys!"
"I kinda doubt she could tell us anything that we don't already know," Blanc muttered.
"But Pea knows where the base is!" Peashy asserted.
"Ah...!" Vert gasped in realization. "Yes, that's right! If little Peashy was working with them, she knows the location of their headquarters...!"
"K-Sha, see if you can get a hold of the other Gold Third members!" Noire ordered. "We're gonna need all the help we can get when we storm their base!"
"Okay, Noire!" K-Sha nodded, taking out her phone.
"In the meantime, we should take a little time to relax," Haruhi suggested. "I'm sure everyone's a bit winded after all that craziness!"
"R & R sounds good to me!" Neptune agreed enthusiastically.
"Well, in that case, do you have one of your books on hand, Lady Blanc?" Asseylum requested.
"Eh, I'll have to back to my Basilicom to get one," Blanc demurred. "Think you could help me with that, Haruhi?"
"Sure thing!" the alien goddess nodded. "Actually... hey, Mikuru, can you come here for a second?"
"EH?" Mikuru squeaked. "W-w-what for...?"
"Relax, I'm not gonna dress you in one of Noire's costumes or anything," Haruhi assured her.
"You better not," John Smith growled, "or I might have to sock you again..."
"Hey, hey, no need for violence, Kyon. I just wanna ask her and Blanc something real quick..."
"O-okay..." Mikuru nodded, timidly making her way over to the two goddesses. The three then separated themselves from the group, conversing in hushed tones...
"I wonder what Ma'nabatea could want from Mikuru and Lady Blanc..." Asseylum pondered.
"You never know with her..." Urusei Yatsura shrugged. The three then seemed to nod in agreement, Haruhi and Blanc vanishing soon after, leaving Mikuru standing alone. "So, what did she want?"
"W-well..." Mikuru turned to face them with a small smile, everyone doing a double-take upon seeing that her chest was now the size of Blanc's...
*Lowee Basilicom*
"I'm home!" Blanc called as she and Haruhi walked through the door. "Ugh, I feel like I want to fall forward all the time...!"
"Getting some extra weight throws off your balance, huh?" Haruhi ribbed. "Hey there, Rom, Ram!"
"Hiya, Haruhi!" Ram greeted as she and Rom ran up... but upon seeing Blanc, or rather her ample bosom, she gasped in shock before screaming, "That's not Big Sis! GET HER!" Blanc cried out in surprise as the twins roughly tackled her to the ground! "Who are you and what did you do with Blanc?!"
"If you little shits don't get the hell off me this instant, I'll paddle your asses so hard you won't sit for three months!" Blanc yelled, her face shadowed with one angry red eye glowing.
"Ahh! It is Big Sis!" Rom realized, quickly scrambling off Blanc. "O-only she would have a potty mouth like that...!"
"S-sorry!" Ram apologized as she got off her older sister. "But, what happened to your chest...?!" Indeed, the sight of a busty Blanc would be enough to make anyone think she was a fake...
"I happened, of course," Haruhi stated smugly. "I swapped her chest with one of the princess' retainer's chest for a while!"
"O-oh, I see... s-so it's not permanent," Rom nodded.
"Good thing, too!" Ram said. "I remember seeing that vision of you with a big rack when we were trying to save you from Kurome, and you were really stuck-up about it!"
"Y-you saw that?!" Blanc sweat-dropped. "W-well, I want to see the look on Vert's face when she sees this! *Ahem* Anyway, since you're here, could one of you go get a copy of one of my books? That alien princess wanted to take a look..."
"She's gonna regret it," Ram deadpanned.
"I-I'll go get one!" Rom nodded. "And I'll make sure it has a princess in it!" She quickly turned and ran off.
"Blanny, is that you?" another voice called. "I thought you were still in Planeptune..." A busty brunette dressed in blue, with a matching beret entered the room, stopping and doing a double-take upon seeing Blanc's assets. "W-what the?!"
"She did it," Blanc pointed to Haruhi. "Haruhi, this is C-Sha, the leader of Gold Third. C-Sha, this is Haruhi Suzumiya, goddess of the Animenga Star Cluster."
"No need to bow or cower or anything like that," Haruhi appended.
"Oh yeah, I remember seeing you on the Box News broadcast," C-Sha realized. "So, making Blanny busty is one of your pranks?"
"Something like that," Haruhi nodded. "Though all affected parties agreed to it beforehand this time."
"She switched my chest with one of the other aliens," Blanc clarified. "So what do you think?"
C-Sha bit her lip for a moment... "Well, don't take this the wrong way, Blanny... but I liked you better flat." A low piano chord sounded as Blanc went as white as her namesake. "I mean, I'm just so used to you being petite and cute... Blanc with a big chest almost feels like violating the laws of the universe or something."
"Says the one who has a sizable rack herself," Haruhi shot back.
"Y-yeah, but at least she doesn't rub my face in it like Thunder Tits does..." Blanc grunted with her head bowed. "I mean, figuratively speaking. Anyway, did K-Sha contact you yet?"
"Yeah, she did," C-Sha nodded. "We all agreed to meet up tomorrow to help you storm the bad guys' base of operations... even S-Sha agreed that they've gone too far with hijacking an alien giant robot. Sounds like she regrets letting Dogoo Man join with them..."
"Can we help, too?" Ram pleaded.
"Of course you can," Blanc nodded. "Just as long as you two follow my lead, okay?"
Just then, Rom came back with a book in hand. "Here you go!" She handed it to Haruhi.
"Thanks Rom!" Haruhi said with a smile. "Alright, Blanc, let's head back now..."
"Make sure Big Sis has her flat chest back by tomorrow!" Ram called as the two teleported away.
*Back at Planeptune Basilicom...*
Princess Asseylum sat on the floor, laughing uncontrollably as she looked through Blanc's book, having fallen on her rear end from the intensity of her laughter... Mikuru giggled a bit as well, as she read over Asseylum's shoulder.
"Well, at least you can say she's enjoying it in some fashion..." Vert muttered, unable to take her eyes off Blanc's ample chest. "But still, to see you with actual assets... it just seems wrong, somehow..."
"You're just upset that you can't tease me anymore," Blanc shot back. "But to be fair, my sisters didn't exactly approve either..."
"Well, at least Haruhi asked for permission this time before pulling this stunt," John Smith sighed.
"Hey, I learn from my mistakes!" Haruhi insisted. "But, you know, that's another reason I took Neon as my Oracle... having slept for so long, I didn't know what behaviors humans would consider 'acceptable' for a goddess..."
"I do my best to keep milady on her best behavior, pranks notwithstanding," Neon acknowledged.
"I'm back!" G Gundam said as she and Nepgear walked into the room, the former now dressed in a loose lilac t-shirt and black exercise shorts with purple highlights. "Um, why is Her Highness laughing so hard?"
"She thinks my book is damn hilarious," Blanc deadpanned, her eye twitching slightly. "Even though that's not what I intended when I wrote that one..."
"Well, hey, maybe you could try marketing this book to their star cluster, they might find it as funny as the princess does!" Neptune suggested facetiously. Immediately Blanc was standing before her with her trademark angry-face. "Eh-heh... o-or not."
"Well, even if it wasn't what Blanc intended, at least they'd sell, right?" Noire piled on, only for Blanc to teleport in front of her, now brandishing her hammer. "Geez, learn to take a joke!" she sweat-dropped.
"Behave, Blanc, or I'll take away your chest early!" Haruhi chastised. The Lowee CPU promptly put her hammer away and marched to the corner of the room where she sat down and sulked. "That's a little better."
"Anyway, G Gundam, I would like you to contact your maintenance crew at the Deucalion, and instruct them to hold off on repairs to both your and Wing Gundam's mechas for the time being," Neon instructed. "We do not wish to take any chances that they might be remotely hijacked again..."
"Good point!" G Gundam nodded. "I'll them it's a decree from the Oracle herself!"
"Let's just hope they don't try to hack little Nepgear's Nepgeardam," Vert pointed out.
"No worries, Vert! My Nepgeardam 2.0 has the very latest in anti-hacking measures installed!" Nepgear proclaimed. "Even MAGES. wouldn't able to crack that protection! Well, maybe she could, but it'd take a while, and it would set off alarms, anyway..."
"Speaking of which, what about the fact that MAGES. was likely the one behind this hijacking?" Noire spoke up. "Which means she's likely been recruited into the House of Humiliation by this Overlord Momus!"
"Yes, that is quite concerning," Vert nodded grimly. "She may be a bit eccentric, but MAGES. is not an opponent to be taken lightly... Demon Lord Etna's minions found that out the hard way."
"Don't worry, Pea will take care of Witch Lady!" Peashy proclaimed. "Imma fly at her so fast, she won't be able to use magic! Pow! Whack! Bam!"
"I'm not so sure that would work..." Uni sweat-dropped.
"An ambush would probably work better," K-Sha nodded. "Maybe I could lend her one of my boxes for her to hide under..."
"Ooh, hide and seek! Pea likes that!" Peashy exclaimed with a grin.
"I think it would depend on the type of battlefield we confront her on, though..." Uni mused. "It wouldn't work in an open field, but if we confront her inside the base, we might pull it off..."
"Well, how about we go to another room and discuss strategy for the raid tomorrow?" Noire suggested. "If only so I don't have to hear Princess Hyena over there..." Indeed, Asseylum was still laughing vociferously as she continued reading Blanc's book...
"Just as long as it remains primarily a Gamindustri party operation," Vert said. "Given Ho-Hum's stated objectives, we don't want them calling us hypocrites by relying on the aliens for help..."
"That's part of the reason I suggested the Gold Third help us out," Noire said in response.
"Well, we do have some high-end hoverbikes used for covering ground quickly, if that would help," G Gundam proposed.
"I'd be fine with that," K-Sha nodded. "I can ride a bicycle, so a hoverbike shouldn't be a problem... B-Sha can ride with me, since I'm the next smallest after her."
"Well, while you guys discuss strategy, how 'bout the rest of us go play some video games?" Neptune suggested.
"Okay, but no racing games this time!" Haruhi insisted.
"Well, how about an old fighting game featuring furry characters?" Nepgear ventured. "It's kinda slapstick, so it'll be funny even if you lose..."
"Might work for blowing off some steam," Blanc muttered as she stood up.
"I have no objection to that," Neon nodded.
"I'm fine with it too," John Smith concurred.
"Pea wants to play too!" Peashy insisted.
"Okay, then! Off to the gaming room!" Neptune proclaimed, Nepgear, Peashy, Haruhi, John, Neon and Blanc following after...
*To be continued...*