Ho-Hum and the Alien Visitation

A Hyperdimension Neptunia Fan Fiction

by Derald Snyder

Chapter 38- Here and There and Everywhere

*Hirool Beach, Leanbox*

"FOOD FIGHT!" Dogoo Man's voice echoed over the lake, a large pie hitting a sunbathing bikini beauty with an audible 'SPLUT!'

"It's the House of Humiliation!" "Run for your lives!" "I'm too young to pie!" Several beachgoers screamed as they tried to flee, the loose sand inhibiting their movements as several food items rained down around them!

"Oh, you don't get away that easy!" Dogoo Man proclaimed as he lifted up a large watermelon. "Tactical nuke incoming!" He heaved the watermelon into the air, Linda shooting it with her hand cannon, which caused the melon to explode, several pieces coming down all over the beach! No tourist was spared!

"Hahaha! Look at 'em run, chu!" Warechu laughed.

"Got any more melons, Dogoo Man?" Linda asked with a haughty smirk.

"One more!" Dogoo Man grunted as he lifted another melon, slightly smaller than the first. "Heave-ho!" he cried as he hurled it over the beach...

-But before Linda could shoot this one, it was sliced in half by a large sword, the two halves falling harmlessly onto the sand! "That's enough, Dogoo Man!" the sword's owner yelled.

"Oh, crap! It's S-Sha of Gold Third, chu!" Warechu cried in panic.

"M-M-Mistress?!" Dogoo Man gasped in surprise. "W-what are you doing here?"

"Putting a stop to your shenanigans," S-Sha replied matter-of-factly. Pointing at Linda she exclaimed, "Your stupid 'Ho-Hum' group went too far with hijacking the alien's robot mechas! I revoke my permission for Dogoo Man to join your group as of this moment!"

"B-b-but I had nothing to do with that, Mistress!" Dogoo Man stammered. "I-it was that D-Dr. Pop who did that, not me!"

"Silence, Dogoo Man!" S-Sha cut him off. "You get over here this- Gah!" A rotten tomato suddenly splattered on her face!

"Bull's-eye!" Warechu pumped a tiny fist.

"Nice shot, Warechu!" Linda chuckled. "Let's get outta here!" She and the other two promptly jumped in the truck...

"I'll come back later, Mistress, I promise!" Dogoo Man called as they drove off.

"Come back here!" S-Sha yelled after them, to no avail...

Once they were on their way, Warechu asked, "So, why didn't you go back to S-Sha, chu?"

"Well, Overlord Momus treats me a bit better than Mistress does... He only hurts me when I fail," Dogoo Man explained. "I mean, I know you bad guys are gonna get beaten sooner or later, but I'm sticking with Momus for now!"

"That's how you engender loyalty," Linda nodded. "CFW Magic treated me pretty well too, until she went off the deep end..."

"So how come I never get treated well, chu? Is it because I'm a mouse?" Warechu inquired.

"No, it's because most of the time, you're useless!" Underling grumbled. "Anyway, let's find a spot to ditch this truck and go into hiding!"

"Okay!" "Right-chu!"

*Ho-Hum W-2 Base*

"Why am I the one doing this?!" Soldier #20 grunted as he worked on the heater's inner mechanisms. "I'm a soldier, not a mechanic!"

"Because you are the only real man on the team," MAGES. replied from her seat at the control panel. "Dogoo Man doesn't have the dexterity, and he'd be too large to fit in there anyway..."

"A-at least I g-got the p-parts f-for you," Tenten said through chattering teeth.

"Right, right..." Adrian sighed as he turned a wrench a few more times. "...okay, that should do it." Pulling himself out, he wiped his hands with a rag... "Let 'er rip, MAGES.!"

"So I shall!" The Mad Magician nodded as she pulled the on/off switch. The machinery began humming... only to shut down a few seconds later. "Oh dear..."

"Caww! Work you stupid thing!" a Tenga cried, kicking the heater. "OW! Ow owowowow...!" He hopped around on one foot, holding his injured talon in his wings... but it apparently did the trick, as the heater started up again!

"It's alive! IT'S ALIVE! Fuahahahahaha!" MAGES. laughed in triumph. "Well done, Tenga! I'll know who to call on next time I require percussive maintenance done!"

"No problem..." the Tenga grunted, still nursing his injured talon.

"I can't believe we're on the same side as Red Grizzly, caww!" another Tenga said.

"Me neither," BlackGatomon grumbled nearby. "I'll bet you're just keeping an eye on us, aren't you?"

"Something like that," Adrian confirmed.

"As am I, seeing as I was the one who designed your power-limiter in the first place!" MAGES. appended. "After all, you've already gone behind Overlord Momus' back once..."

"Which resulted in that Keramon creature," Adrian said. "Speaking of which, where is Keramon?"

"I'll call it, meow," BlackGatomon rolled her eyes, before whistling sharply, summoning the Digimon in question... but upon becoming visible, the others realized that it now resembled a purple chrysalis with yellow eyes and eight limbs with pointed ends. "Oh, looks like eating all that MMO data made it evolve again... it's Chrysalimon now, meow."

"You can still control that thing, right?" Adrian said, slightly intimidated.

"Of course I can," BlackGatomon sighed. "Even if it did rebel, this witch could probably stop it anyway..."

"I s-sure hope so..." Tenten shivered, though she wasn't sure if it was from cold or from fear...

*Planeptune Basilicom*

"So do we have to stay cooped up in here for the time being?" Princess Asseylum asked Nepgear.

"Well, you should stay with Haruhi at least," Nepgear suggested. "If she wants to like, warp you to another Basilicom, I won't object..." Just then, Haruhi herself walked into the room. "Oh, speak of the alien..."

"Hey, any of you seen Kyon anywhere?" Haruhi asked. "I haven't seen him since the news conference at least..."

"Oh dear, perhaps he got lost?" Asseylum pondered.

"Should we look for him?" G Gundam suggested.

"Right, let's split up. Mikuru, you go with Neon," Haruhi ordered. "Princess, you'll come with me. G, you go with Nepgear, Mrs. Yatsura, you go find DB and Uzume and tell them to keep their eyes peeled."

"Okay," everyone agreed, splitting up to search different floors...

*A few minutes later...*

"Anyone find anything?" Haruhi said as the women regrouped.

"Sorry, we came up blank," Uzume lamented.

"We didn't find anything either," Nepgear sighed.

"Um, I f-found this..." Mikuru held up what appeared to be a DVD. "I-it says 'I Have John Smith'..."

"That doesn't sound good," Dragon Ball said.

"So where do we play this at?" Haruhi requested.

"Over here," Nepgear gestured, leading the group to another room where a DVD player was set up... Taking the disc from Mikuru, she placed it in the slot and hit 'Play', a holo-screen materializing, showing a familiar face... "Oh! It's that ice ninja from before!"

"Greetings, this is Generic Ninja #25," the man began. "If you've found this DVD, then you likely have already figured out what's happened..." The camera panned over, showing John Smith with his arms and legs splayed out, shackled to a circular piece of metal! On top of that, he had been stripped down to his underwear, a piece of duct tape over his mouth!

"KYON!" Haruhi cried in distress.

"Now, I had considered kidnapping the alien princess," Ninja #25 continued, "but not only is that cliche as heck, she was too well protected anyway. So here's the deal: you have... oh, 45 minutes to locate us, or else nude pictures of this young man are distributed all over the Internep! To be fair, once you played this disc, it sends a signal here that starts the timer. Clock's ticking!"

"MMMMPH!" John Smith struggled futilely, just before the video ended.

"That's terrible!" Mikuru was the first to speak.

"E-excuse me, I need to get some ice water after seeing that nude boy," Urusei grunted, turning and exiting with her face slightly red.

"...Goddess CPU Candidate Nepgear." Haruhi turned to Nepgear, now wearing her seven-eyed mask, which seemed to freeze the CPU Candidate in place with a glare. "I assume that you will organize a rescue effort for Kyon immediately..."

"O-of course I will!" Nepgear nodded vigorously. "A-actually, if that DVD sent a signal to their hideout, I should be able to trace it!"

"Calm yourself, Ma'nabatea," Neon gently placed a hand on Haruhi's shoulder. "I am certain she will do all in her power to rescue him in time..."

"She had better," Haruhi growled as she turned and stomped out of the room...

*To be continued...*