Jr. didn't have to open his eyes to know he was back on the Durandal.
His ears were filled with static. When he looked up, his eyes were blurry, still filled with tears.
"Not again!" he hissed, "not again!"
Jr. almost dreaded being here. Did he really want to try again? Could he really go through this a fourth time, mustering hope in vain only to watch Albedo die at his hands again?
That was the worst part of it all. No matter what, it was always his fault. Albedo died because of Jr., because of his mistakes. It was just like Miltia. Everything was always his fault!
Jr. slammed his head into his palms with a loud clap. He'd felt like they were really connecting! Albedo was being honest, Jr. had apologized, everything was going so well. What went wrong?
He felt cold inside. He would have to build all that up again, get Albedo to talk again, get him to listen again-
"…Little Master! Can you even hear me?!"
Jr. blinked. Sometime since he had closed his eyes, Mary had crouched down to his level, hands gripping his shoulders. He hadn't even noticed.
"Yeah," he said numbly. "Mary."
"Little Master!" she repeated, this time with relief. "What's the matter with you?"
"I dunno," Jr. mumbled. Even if he wanted to, he never could explain it.
Mary's eyes flooded with concern.
"Maybe you should take a break." Shelley suggested. Mary nodded quickly in assent.
"You've been workin' so hard lately-"
"Yeah. I'm gonna go lie down in my room," Jr. said. He was not going to go lie down in his room.
His walk to the hangar, muscle memory at this point, was slower than usual. It felt more like walking to his execution than anything else. Jr. couldn't even remember what it felt like to be excited about this, to treasure the opportunity of another chance to save Albedo.
Jr. had to keep going. Even if he was shuffling to another failure, head aching, he had to trudge onwards. He didn't have a choice.
"Jr.!"
Jr. braced himself against the door. He couldn't talk to MOMO right now.
"I'm fine," he exhaled, head dipping low. "I'm gonna stop him this time."
He didn't have a plan. He wasn't even sure if this was even possible, anymore. Maybe the universe was just waiting for him to give up.
His hand pressed against his eyes.
"You don't look so good, Jr.," he heard MOMO prod, footsteps coming closer. "Maybe if I-"
"No." he already knew what she was going to ask. "I have to do this alone."
Denying the offer finally gave him the strength to leave. That was right. This was Jr.'s burden to bear, his alone.
It only felt more like a death knell now, as Jr.'s E.S. carried him back to the time-space anomaly, back to his personal hell. Jr.'s legs felt weak as he disembarked, and his eyes fell upon Albedo again.
Albedo greeted him again. He taunted him again. Jr. followed him with slow, heavy footsteps, unable even to look up at what Albedo was showing him.
It all felt so meaningless, now. How had he even become upset the first time? Albedo was tormented by thoughts of Jr.'s death, by the possibility that he might be abandoned again. Jr. heard the sounds but not the words, felt Albedo's eyes watching and waiting for some kind of reaction.
Jr. didn't have any left.
"What's wrong, Rubedo?" his breath was suddenly on Jr.'s ear, warm and close. "Aren't you enjoying this? I arranged it just for you."
Hopelessness suddenly bit at him. This taunt wasn't Albedo. Jr. was so sick of the front.
"I want this all to stop," Jr. snapped. He just wanted to talk again, but honesty seemed so elusive with Albedo chuckling in his ear like this.
"You want me to stop?" Albedo raised his palms, stepping backwards. "But I've only barely started."
He wasn't listening. The small spark of energy left Jr. as quickly as it had come.
"It doesn't matter," Jr. mumbled. He'd follow Albedo, watch whatever he had to so he could try again.
Albedo laughed, high, mocking.
"That's just like you, not to care." he said. "That's fine. I'll make you care."
The scene melted away, leaving Jr. alone again in the swirling mass of the time-space anomaly. When Jr. had dragged himself to the next portal, he found himself face-to-face with a duplicate of himself.
It was odd, he thought distantly. Normally, Albedo started off in the mirror.
"Now I've got your attention," Albedo crowed. "Maybe I should always look like this. This is the only person you really care about, after all."
Jr. felt like his insides were flooding. He was doing all this for Albedo, to try and prove that wasn't true.
"I'm making it up to you," he protested, and Albedo laughed in Jr.'s voice.
"Liar." Albedo said succinctly, caustically. "Is this how you sleep at night?"
"Albedo-" Jr. didn't get to protest before the scene changed.
Jr. looked about wildly. This was new. Albedo had never warped the time-space anomaly like this before. It was Sakura's house again, but this time they were outside, seated on the swinging bench on her porch.
"Maybe it's simpler," Albedo mused from Jr.'s right. "maybe I just have to be useful to you. Would you like me if I was more like her? If I simpered and flirted, stroking your ego-"
"That's not what it's like," Jr. protested faintly. That wasn't why he'd cared about Sakura, or why he wanted to help Albedo.
"I'd be better than her," Albedo breathed. He leaned close, pressing his lips to Jr.'s cheek. When Jr. turned in alarm, he found Albedo still lingering there.
"Albedo-" he protested, but Albedo drew closer- for a kiss, Jr. realized. His heart stuttered. He didn't want to kiss Albedo like this, taunted and mocked.
"Albedo, stop, I don't-"
"What's wrong?" Albedo asked, softly. "Am I really so disgusting? Are you that much better than me-"
He was too close, cornering Jr. on his end of the bench. Albedo's arms caged Jr. in as he drew nearer.
"Stop!"
Jr. shoved him back with all the strength left in him. Albedo hit the other side of the bench hard, laughing at the impact.
Jr. sat up in a flash, looking over at his brother with concern. Albedo wasn't hurt, of course, but he wasn't moving either. Jr. hated to attack Albedo, it wasn't doing any favors for the guilt stewing inside of him, but he couldn't let him have his way like this either.
"I wonder how you'll do it," Albedo breathed. "Strangle me, maybe? I'd like to feel your hands around my neck. Or you could crush me, or stab me… fill me up with your bullets and let me bleed."
"Stop it," Jr. protested.
"You're such a coward," Albedo mocked, sitting back up. "I don't even know if you have the strength to do it yourself. If you weren't made for this you might just run away."
"Stop!" Jr. slammed his eyes shut. He didn't want to kill Albedo! It just kept happening, and he had to keep watching.
He never wanted to hurt Albedo, never. Jr. didn't want to leave him and run- but he had, and he knew that made him a lousy older brother. Albedo had relied on him, and Jr. had let him fall.
When Jr. opened his eyes again, he was standing back in the time-space anomaly. He hoped desperately that this next portal was to Albedo's throne room.
Instead, when he stepped through, he was greeted with the sight of Albedo's childlike eyes, red and sunken in.
"Do you know how it feels, Rubedo?" He asked, hand locked in Jr.'s.
Jr.'s heart quickened as he recognized his surroundings. Blue eyes stared blankly at him, at the link circling around them. Albedo squeezed his palm.
This was Miltia- the song of Nephilim.
Jr. shook his head. He couldn't be back here.
"No," he croaked.
This was where he had made his greatest mistake- where he had abandoned Albedo.
"…to be left behind? All alone, at the mercy of U-DO?"
Jr. tightened his grip. He wouldn't let go of Albedo this time.
Albedo's hand slackened in turn. Jr. felt him tug, and his eyes went wide, frantic.
Albedo was pulling away.
"Albedo," he gasped, "no-"
Albedo's hand slipped through his, and Albedo disappeared. The scene around Jr. cracked. When the floor melted away Jr. fell through, hurtling down into nothingness.
"I don't." he admitted, wrenching his eyes shut.
He'd been so selfish. He just kept failing Albedo, over and over.
Jr. fell still, coat rippling around him. Jr. wondered if he would fall forever. Maybe he would be in this loop forever, forced to wallow in his own guilt like the nightmares that never ended.
His back hit the ground. When Jr. opened his eyes, blinking the haze from his vision, he saw Albedo's throne room.
Jr. pulled himself to his feet, unsteady. He limped towards Albedo, who had already begun rambling something about U-DO and temporal shifts.
He was threatening to take over this region of space, again. He was waxing poetic about his superiority, again. Jr. was coming towards him, again.
"Albedo," he croaked. "It's you."
"Yes, Rubedo," Albedo replied, exhilarated. "Me, as I was meant to be! I'm more powerful than I ever have been before."
No, Jr. thought distantly, he's seen Albedo like this many, many times.
"Does that frighten you, Rubedo?" Albedo's voice ran low, almost a growl. "You've come to stop me, after all."
Jr. fished his pistols out. They fit comfortably in his hands, like they always did, almost like an extension of himself.
Albedo cackled.
"Nothing to say?" He asked. "And here I always thought you'd be one for pillow talk-"
Jr. tossed them on the ground with a clatter.
"I don't want to fight," he said simply, sinking down to the floor, cross-legged.
Albedo blinked in surprise. After a moment, he began to laugh, raucous.
"I never thought you this much of a coward, Rubedo." He taunted. "Thinking of-"
"-no, I'm not running away either." Jr. shook his head. He was just so tired. He didn't want to do anything. "I'll just sit here."
He just felt defeated.
Albedo seemed well and truly confused by this, though he wasn't showing it. Jr. could still tell, however, by the prolonged silence.
It would almost be kind of funny, if it wasn't so depressing.
"You're making this easy for me, Rubedo," Albedo said. "After I kill you, I'll have everything. I will be free to shape this world as I see fit, to do away with the rotting remains of human culture and substitute it with my own vision-!"
"Yeah," Jr. said, shaking his head, "but you won't."
As though to prove him wrong, Albedo fired a bolt of lightning ether at him. It missed only slightly, whizzing by close enough to scald Jr.'s cheek.
Jr. lifted his head, looking up at Albedo.
"You missed." His eyes shone, daring.
Go on, he said without saying. Try again.
Albedo did. The next bolt hit square in Jr.'s chest, setting his nerves alight with electric pain. Seeing that Jr. still refused to move, Albedo hurled more at him. Each bolt made fresh contact with his body, new and worsening rounds of shocks.
Jr. didn't care. It couldn't possibly hurt as bad as he already did inside.
The force of the blows laid him flat on his back. He laughed a little, delirious.
"You won't actually kill me," Jr. breathed.
The blows stopped.
"I'm sick of all this, Albedo," Jr. said, staring up at the ceiling. He'd never looked at the ceiling before, all the times he'd been here. "I'm sick of fighting and pretending and you trying to piss me off."
Footsteps sounded near him, echoing through the room. Maybe Albedo would actually do it.
"I just want things to be like they were before I messed everything up," Jr. confessed. "Is that selfish?"
It was, he was sure. He was the one who had ruined everything. Still, he wanted Albedo back- because even after all this, the taunting and the lying and the fighting, he loved him. He cared about Albedo more than anything. It was only now that he recognized the hole in his heart for what it had been, all these years, missing Albedo like a limb.
It was like he only had half of his heart.
Albedo was standing over him now, mildly curious.
"Rubedo, my other half," he asked, "what have they done to you?"
Jr. laughed. "You have no idea."
He sat up, and Albedo sat down, and even though they hadn't fought that air of strange vulnerability was back. Albedo still wanted to fight, Jr. could sense it like a slap to the face. Jr. just didn't want to.
Red dragon was rising up in him, though, like a tidal wave inside. Just being near Jr. was sapping Albedo's strength. Jr. sighed. Was there even a way to fix this? Was it even possible to live together when they were possessed with such violent opposites?
Jr. loved Albedo, he did, but the red dragon waves balked at his mere presence. Just being near him and U-DO felt like pushing together the wrong ends of a magnet.
Albedo stared at him, probing. He was likely confused- this wasn't the Rubedo he knew. In all the years they'd been apart, he'd never seen Jr. unsteady or remorseful. It was no danger to Albedo's plans to listen- he would die more slowly exposing himself to Jr.'s red dragon waves here, but die he still would.
Was even there a point to all this? Could Jr. win?
Jr. didn't know. Instead of thinking about it more, he just did what he wanted to while looking at Albedo's thoughtful face, the way his head tilted slightly and his brows knit.
He put a hand around Albedo's neck and pulled him into a kiss.
Albedo made a noise of surprise, but didn't pull away. He laughed a little, breaking only slightly, and Jr. moved his other hand to Albedo's neck to pull him back.
It was clumsy- Jr. didn't have any experience kissing people, obviously, and he didn't know who would be stupid enough to kiss Albedo, either- but good. Even twisted as they were, each brimming with conflicting energy enough to kill the other, it felt good.
If Albedo was confused before, it was nothing to the amount of bafflement on his face when he moved away. Jr. just panted, searching for an explanation with a weary smile on his face.
"See?" he said. "I do care."
Albedo laughed in disbelief. Jr. could feel him searching for something to say, so he talked instead.
"I never stopped loving you," he confessed. "I tried, but…"
Jr. shook his head, mouth suddenly dry. "I guess it doesn't work like that."
"Rubedo," Albedo said softly, "we can't return to how we were. You understand, don't you?"
"'Course things will be different," Jr. said. "But Albedo, don't you want to just… be together, again?"
Albedo's eyes were pained.
"No."
"You're lying!" Jr. felt the energy return to him suddenly, like fire dancing in his veins. "Albedo, you're lying-"
He didn't want Jr. to feel bad. He was trying to soften the blow, trying to make it easier to kill him.
"I can't stand you or Nigredo," Albedo argued, voice low. Jr. shook his head desperately.
"Albedo, stop it. Seriously-"
Too late, Jr. realized red dragon was responding to his anger. It rose up in him, vicious and quick, sinking its teeth into Albedo.
Albedo was dying again.
"No-!" Jr. yelped. It had all been so nice- kissing Albedo, sitting with him and just talking. For a moment it had seemed like it might be possible to be happy together.
"Rubedo," Albedo said, head tilting up to face him, "Stop your crying. This is how things… were meant to be."
"I can't accept that!" Jr. shouted. "I never did- why'd you think I fought so hard?!"
Albedo was smiling. "This is freedom for me, Rubedo."
He wasn't listening. Jr. wanted to argue- to tell him there was freedom in life, too, that he and Gaignun were free with their own names and their own family, that Albedo could join them too, but he was dying and he wouldn't remember any of this in mere moments.
Instead, Jr. let the tears come to his eyes.
"It wasn't supposed to end like this," he said, before everything went dark again.
This time, Jr. lingered in the darkness. He could feel himself suspended, floating as though in a warm pool of water.
He was so tired.
It wasn't a voice, exactly, or a thought, but he could feel the question down to his very bones, echoing around in his mind.
Do you want to give up?
Jr. thought about it- about lying down, finally, sleeping after the endless battles and plans, the tense debates and trying to figure out what the hell Albedo was thinking.
He thought about Albedo.
"No," he said with his last breath, "Never."