Ho-Hum and the Alien Visitation
A Hyperdimension Neptunia Fan Fiction
by Derald Snyder
Chapter 51- Lastation Invasion
*Lastation City Streets*
"My fellow citizens of Lastation!" An NPC male called over a megaphone, standing on the bed of a truck. "We have gathered here today to push back against those who do not belong here! I speak of course, of the aliens from the Animenga Cluster!" The street-filling crowd cheered in agreement. "While the House of Humiliation infects our computer systems with viruses, disrupts our outdoor venues with food fights, and even injures our brave police, what are our CPUs doing? Accommodating these extraterrestrials who came in a giant battlecruiser armed to the teeth!" The crowds booed at this. "They claim to come in peace, but their actions belie their words! One alien viciously tortured a group of boys in Planeptune, and for what? Ogling pretty girls?! From what I heard, they kept a respectable distance and did not harass them, yet they were unfairly punished!" Another chorus of boos. "And then their giant robots wreak havoc in Planeptune City, and Neptune doesn't so much as admonish them?! And now they want to come here to our nation?! What do you say to that?!"
"NO!" the crowd cried as one.
"Do we want these invaders on our soil?!"
"NO!"
"Do we want them to get off our planet and go back to their galaxy?!"
"YEAH!" "Aliens go home! Aliens go home! Aliens go home!"
"Yare, yare," John Smith grunted at the edge of the crowd, "the xenophobia's gotten even worse since last time..."
"No kidding!" G Gundam nodded grimly. "Good thing some of us are human enough to pass as locals!"
"B-but what if they find out about us?!" Mikuru fretted. "Th-they might lynch us or something!"
"Not on my watch," Haruhi spoke up, having made herself invisible. "But yeah, maybe we should split before any of them recognize one of you..." And so the group departed...
*Lastation Basilicom*
"So yeah, we talked to a few of them discreetly, and it seems the general consensus is that all the CPUs, Noire included, have skewed priorities," G Gundam reported to the others.
"Th-they said you shouldn't worry s-so much about your silly costumes, as they put it," Mikuru added.
"Silly?! I put a lot of effort into those costumes!" Noire cried, a vein visible on her forehead. "Argh, this is the last thing we need right now, what with us finally finding out where Ho-Hum's base of operations is...!"
"It's causing a bit of problem with Shares, though," Kei Jinguji pointed out. "We've fallen below Lowee's level for the first time this decade..."
"So Blanc's number one now?!" Noire's eyes shrunk to circles. "I know with her new hybrid console, they'd been catching up lately, but...!"
"So what are we going to do about this?" Uni asked from nearby, cleaning her reacquired laser rifle. "How do we convince the people that the aliens aren't here to conquer us?"
"I wish I had an idea... somehow I don't think a press conference is going to work this time," Asseylum sighed.
"Maybe you should just give them what they want," John Smith snarked, "have your ship come down and abduct Lady Noire and the others go to her rescue..."
"...That's it! You're brilliant, Kyon!" Haruhi exclaimed.
"Huh?!" John grunted in disbelief. "Wait, I was joking!"
"No, it's perfect! We'll go all evil and pretend to torture Noire, and then subvert expectations at the last moment!" Haruhi proclaimed, rubbing her hands in glee.
"Um, I don't think I could do evil very well..." Asseylum shook her head.
"M-me neither!" Mikuru agreed.
"Well, we can leave you out then, Mikuru," Haruhi nodded. "As for Princess, we'll just limit her performance to one or two lines... So, Noire, seeing as you're the costume expert, how should we style ourselves so that we look 'evil'?"
"Um, well, dark colors, for one," Noire stammered, "(ahem) and maybe some bizarre architecture, since you're, you know, aliens... probably form-fitting body suits, something with spikes on the shoulders for the princess... And maybe we could bring in Wing Gundam in Mikuru's place!"
"I dunno if he'll want to go along with this..." G Gundam sighed.
"We'll just limit him to a minor role, then," Haruhi stated. "Now then, here's what we'll do..."
*A short while later...*
"Hey, what's that in the sky?" an NPC pointed upward.
"It's a bird!" "It's a plane!" "No, it's... a spaceship?!"
"It's the alien spaceship! They're coming to get us!" The crowds cried out in fear as the Deucalion descended over them, it's large shape blocking out the sun!
"Everyone stay calm!" The crowd turned to see Noire herself standing on the sidewalk. "I'm sure there's a rational explanation for this, so don't panic!" Just then, a female figure was seen descending from the battlecruiser... "Urusei Yatsura!" Noire cried as the figure became recognizable, albeit wearing a black variation of her battle bikini with spiked shoulders. "What's going on?"
"Oh, not much-tcha..." Urusei chuckled, "Just THIS! DIVINE RETRIBUTION!" The crowd cried out in horror as Noire was struck down by lightning! Floating down to the frizzed and fallen CPU she then chuckled, "And now, you'll be coming with me!" A few NPCs tried to rush in to help, only to get zapped as well! Urusei then picked up Noire in her arms, flying back up to the ship! Not long after, a holo-screen was projected from the Deucalion...
"Hello, all you puny Gamindustrians!" Haruhi greeted, dressed in a shiny black dress with opera gloves, cut to show off her cleavage. A black tiara sat atop her head, her headband and hair ribbons also now colored black. "This is your true goddess speaking! In a moment, we'll begin experimenting on your so-called CPU!" A cry of horror arose from the crowd! Haruhi then stepped away, revealing Noire laying on a metal operating table, stripped down to her bra and panties, her hands and feet restrained by laser-shackles! Bizzare architecture jutted from the ceiling, though not low enough for anyone to hit their heads on.
"The subject is secure," Neon stated as she walked up in her true form, albeit clothed in a black bodysuit. She made sure to turn her head toward the cameras, letting the audience see all seven of her eyes, causing a few to cry out in fear at her appearance.
The camera then panned to Wing Gundam, dressed in a military uniform reminiscent of the Nazi enforcers from WWII. "Your Highness, we are ready to proceed!" he saluted, the camera moving to show Princess Asseylum. She was dressed in a black variation of her usual dress, with small spikes on the shoulders and a bulky black visor on her face!
"Excellent. Commence the torture," Asseylum said in monotone. One of the pieces of ceiling architecture then opened, revealing a laser node! Two panels opened on Noire's sides, two red tentacles, emerging, covered in slime!
"No! NOOOO!" Noire looked from side to side, struggling helplessly as the laser node extended downward... "Someone help meeeeee!"
"Lady Noire!" the crowds cried in horror.
"3, 2, 1," Wing counted down, pressing a button, the laser shooting into Noire's belly!
Noire's eyes went wide, her face twisting and grimacing...
"...PfffffaahahahaHAHAHAHAHA!" She suddenly started laughing! "Not the tickle-laser! Anything but the tickle-laser!" The tentacles then started tickling the CPU under her armpits, causing her to dissolve completely into laughing fits, thrashing about helplessly! "AHAHAHAHA- Stop, please! I'm gonna peeeeeee!"
"Confirmed, Lastation's CPU is quite ticklish," Neon stated in monotone. "Now to experiment on the other- huh?" She looked up, the camera whipping around to a steel door which suddenly exploded! Emerging from the dust were none other than Uni, K-Sha, and Kei Jinguji, all packing heat!
"STOP RIGHT THERE! Uni and friends, to the rescue!" the CPU Candidate declared, the crowds cheering at the calvary's arrival!
"You fools, GET THEM!" Asseylum pointed, Wing drawing his gun, only for Uni to fire in his face! There was a brief flash of orange as Wing doubled over with his hands over his face...
"You will not- GAH!" Neon cried as K-Sha opened fire, her bodysuit suddenly gaining several orange splotches! "Paintballs?!" She then screamed as several paintballs hit her in the face! "My eyes, my seven eyes! The pain!" she wailed as she collapsed to the ground.
"My visor! I can't see!" Asseylum cried as Uni shot her with paintballs as well! With the path clear, Kei rushed in, using her paintball handgun to block the laser node, before drawing her rapier and chopping off the tentacles tickling Noire, the stumps swiftly retreating!
"You idiots!" Haruhi yelled in frustration. "Must I do everything myse- aaghh!" She screamed as K-Sha nailed her with a paint-bazooka, her black dress now half-orange! The people on the streets laughed aloud at the sight! "Stop laughing! It's not funny!" she yelled at the camera.
"Lady Noire, snap out of it!" Kei asserted as she smacked the CPU a few times on her stomach, the pain causing her giggles to subside. "Transform and free yourself!"
"Transform...? Oh yeah, why didn't I think of that?" Noire half-snarked, before being engulfed in light as she transformed to HDD, freeing herself from her restraints in the process! The crowd cheered as Black Heart appeared from the light, summoning her sword! "Now, it's payback time!"
"Aw, snap! Neon, DO SOMETHING!" Haruhi cried in near panic as the CPU charged at her... suddenly the picture cut out, the holo-screen vanishing as an explosion emanated from the Deucalion's lower hull! Two objects were seen falling from said explosion, soon revealed to be Haruhi and Black Heart, the former frantically dodging the the latter's sword swings!
"Everyone, get back!" Noire ordered, the crowds parting to make space for the combatants... but then Black Heart was blasted from behind by Neon's eye-lasers, the angelic alien flying in to protect her goddess! Fortunately Black Sister and Gold Form K-Sha were soon seen flying in behind her, the CPU Candidate opening fire with her real rifle, Neon blocking it with her hexagon-shield!
"That won't work, we need a kinetic impact!" K-Sha cried.
"It is futile," Neon said as she unleashed her eye-lasers at the duo, who barely dodged! "Nothing can break through my AT-field..."
"Are you sure about that?" K-Sha asked with a smirk. It was at this point that Neon realized K-Sha's weapons apparatus was missing, looking up just in time to see it slam into her, falling down and smashing into the pavement, the civilians backing away from the point of impact!
When the dust settled, Neon was lying prone in a small impact crater, swirls in six of her seven eyes! "I stand... corrected..."
"Damn it to hell!" Haruhi cursed as she fired hand blasts to keep her adversaries off her! "You might've got Neon with a cheap shot, but I'm stronger than all of you put together!"
"We'll see about that!" Black Heart taunted, raising an arm to the sky... "I call upon the power of the Hyper Share Crystal! Access NEXT Form!"
"Oh no you don't!" Haruhi cried as she charged in to attack, easily blasting K-Sha and Uni aside when they tried to intercept! Going in for a double-footed kick, she was surprised as NEXT Black's armored gauntlet easily blocked the attack! "Huh?! Hey, what happened to your transformation sequence?!"
"That's just fan-service for the players and readers!" NEXT Black grinned knowingly. "We can transform instantly if we have to! You think we'd be stupid enough to let an enemy take advantage of that trope?"
"Curse your genre-savviness!" Haruhi yelled in frustration as she lashed out with several lightning-fast kicks, all of them blocked! Then Black Sister and K-Sha body-slammed her simultaneously, causing her to smash into the pavement beside Neon! "Argh! You can't beat me that easily!" she growled as she pulled herself back up.
"In that case... it's EXE Drive time!" NEXT Black declared, glowing with power... "INFINITE SLASH!" The CPU promptly hit the alien goddess with a dozen laser blade slashes from multiple directions!
"...Hah! That didn't effect me!" Haruhi exclaimed triumphantly, showing no visible wounds!
"Are you sure about that?" NEXT Black smiled... suddenly, Haruhi's paint-stained dress and gloves split off her body, leaving the alien in nothing but her panties!
"AAAHHHHH! I'm naked!" Haruhi cried as she fell to her knees, covering her bare chest with crossed arms, her face turning beet-red. "No faaaaiiiirr!"
"All's fair in love and war, alien," NEXT Black smiled haughtily. "You lose."
"Not yet-cha!" Urusei Yatsura cried as she flew down from the Deucalion, her hair and horns sparking menacingly! "DIVINE..." But then K-Sha's weapons apparatus smashed her into the pavement as well! "...retribution." Said appartus sparked from Urusei's discharge, before exploding in a large fireball, leaving the elder alien covered in soot and utterly defeated.
"Mission accomplished, Noire!" K-Sha saluted as her transformation reverted.
"Good work, K-Sha," Noire nodded as she reverted to her normal HDD form.
"Yep, that'll show these aliens!" Black Sister said with a grin... only to catch something out of the corner of her eye, turning and aiming her rifle at a hover-platform that descended from the battlecruiser! Asseylum, Wing Gundam and Kei were standing aboard, the former waving an improvised white flag.
As the hover platform touched down, Asseylum removed her paint-covered visor... "Um... is it too late to negotiate terms of surrender?"
"Not at all," Black Heart replied. "But first... that dress needs to go!" She slashed once with her sword, the crowd gasping as Asseylum's black dress split apart... revealing a T-shirt, light brown vest and matching shorts underneath! "Much better! See, Haruhi? You should have worn something more bulky that you could hide some extra clothes underneath, then you wouldn't have been defeated by modesty!" A rumble of laughter echoed from the crowds!
"Hey, YOU were the one that designed that dress for me in the first place!" Haruhi protested, waving a hand over herself, restoring her high-school sailor uniform, her headband and ribbons reverting to their original yellow color, the black tiara vanishing. "You didn't tell me you were gonna pull a stunt like that!"
"Shhh! No, quiet! You can't just give away the game like that!" Black Heart faux-whispered in feigned panic.
"Forget it, Noire, I think everyone here realizes now this whole scene was just an act," Black Sister sighed, resting her gun on her shoulder.
"As if the paintball guns didn't make that obvious from the outset," Kei snarked.
"Or the tickle-torture," K-Sha piled on, provoking light laughter from the civilians.
"Well, my father may be an intergalactic conqueror, but I'm afraid I don't do intimidation very well," Asseylum shrugged with an apologetic smile.
"Honestly, me neither," Haruhi sighed. "I usually leave that sort of thing to my Oracle..."
"Indeed," Neon grunted as she got back up, her extra eyes and wings vanishing. "Milady, can you restore my clothes as well?" One finger-snap later, she was back in her (clean) normal outfit. "Thank you."
"Welcome. So then," she turned to look at the crowd, "I hope this performance helps set your minds a little more at ease about us! After all, if we were seriously gonna conquer you guys, we wouldn't do something half-cocked like this! And we wouldn't be defeated with paint, either!" Laughter rumbled from the crowd. "I'll take that to mean you enjoyed this performance! Take a bow, everyone! And shout-out to Noire for coming up with our evil costumes!"
Applause echoed from the crowds as the entire group bowed...
*To be continued...*