Snippet 223

RWBYvilage

Genre: Humor

Pairs: Not too important

Parody: RWBY/Onevilage

AU-Type: Modern-eqsue AU

Tags: Gag Series, Three Shorts Style, YouTube references, Bordering on Crack,

[Getting a Heart Attack]

Port was grabbing his chest heaving in pain as it was clear to his class, he was having a heart attack.

"Oh my god, somebody call for help!" Weiss said.

"I will." Cinder said getting a calculator out.

"But that's a calculator." Port wheezing.

"Port said no scrolls in class." Cinder said 'innocently'.

Port could only hatefully glare at her before falling to his knees.

[How to Really Stop Bullying]

Jaune was in the headmaster's office as he was in for a meeting with Ozpin and Glynda.

"You know that bully that you had. We suspended him for three days." Glynda said as Ozpin looked unimpressed. "He won't be a problem."

"What the fuck did you do? You stopped Cardin from kicking my ass for three days? You don't think that one of his victims he punched down told of him? What are you doing to do when he comes back, Glynda?" Jaune snapped. "But wait a minute, I got a solution. They make them for these problems."

Jaune opened his backpack and pulled an assault rifle, a pair of knifes, duct tape, an axe, grenades, and chloroform.

"Tools. I was trying to be a good fucking student, but I guess that's over because if Cardin looks at him wrong, I'm expelling him from life." Jaune said getting a pistol out from his bag to cock for emphasis. "I gave you a chance, but you failed me."

"But if he doesn't anything, we'll handle it!" Glynda insisted rather worried.

"If he anything, I'll handle it…permanently." Jaune said before leaving with his things.

"Well, one less problem." Ozpin said sipping his coffee.

"Ozpin!" Glynda snapped. "Aren't you worried?"

"Not really." Ozpin said dryly. "It'll solve itself."

[When You're Friends with The Quiet Kid]

Another boring day in Port's class at Beacon High, and Cardin kept messing with Jaune. Jaune sat at his seat shaking in rage as Pyrrha sat next to him.

"Hey…Jaune, you good?" Pyrrha asked.

"I hate this school, and I hate everyone in it." Jaune said darkly.

"Yeah…I can't wait for summer." Pyrrha said awkwardly laughing.

"I think you should go to the bathroom." Jaune said to her.

Pyrrha looked confused.

"What?" Pyrrha said.

"I think you should go…to the bathroom." Jaune insisted going for his backpack.

"Why? I don't…" Pyrrha said before seeing the small armory of weapons in his backpack.

Her eyes widened.

"Oh…I guess I should." Pyrrha said before getting the teacher's attention. "May I use the bathroom?"

"I don't know, can you?" Port said as Pyrrha just took her bag and left. "Wait, where are you…"

Jaune sprang out of his chair.

"I fucking hate all of you." Jaune said cocking his M4. "Cowabunga motherfu-"

He cut himself off with the sounds of gunfire while students screamed that day. Cardin was not get shot…as he got the axe.

[Waking Up]

Cardin groggily wake up to see he was in a moving ambulance and looks over at the ambulance medic.

"What happened?" He asked.

"You got messed up, my guy. Your legs were shot up pretty bad." The medic said as Cardin groaned.

"Why can't I feel them?" Cardin asked.

"They're in the other ambulance…" The medic said as Cardin nodded.

It was then he realized those words in full and screamed at the stumps that were once his legs.

(A/N: I needed a quick one-off, a break from the miniseries. It was a nice distraction. I think I'll try making more oneoffs of different themes and such. Any suggestions will be taken into consideration.)