"Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me." – Carol Burnett

Sakura has listening carefully teacher's lecture about influence Capital City and Hidden Village to each other. Today he talks about the economic impact and Sakura was looking around the class and make notes at the same time. She was a little bit worried because from today she changed herself. Also, she has noticed that doing some things at the same time it hard but she still tried. Yesterday she talks with parents about her new goal. Sakura promised them that she will protect them and will be strong enough to live. She doesn't know why is it important for them, but she must live to protect them. She knows they are worried about nothing. Her mom told her after she asked how she could get stronger, that she can train her brain, which is her strong point. Now she tries doing a few things at the same time with high concentration. Before she thinking that only physical training is fatiguing and mental training is easy. Because what is hard in learning to exams and with reading big books? Her mom told her that the hardest is understanding things which she learns. Now she understands what her mom said. When Sakura looked around class she felt a strange feeling. Her still developing vocabulary in her vocabulary can't name what she fell. Her chest hurt and she doesn't know why it's the worst feeling in her entire life.

Everyone in the class is bored. Someone write with their friends in notes. She understands why, but still, she thinks that the subject is important. Like infiltration or sometimes it is one of the reasons why war is started. The second Shinobi War was started because Daimyōs in fife country changes the trade route, and the Hidden Villages started to starve and lose strength. Daimyos didn't want to change the decision, saying that the village must be more independent. Villages try to get their new trade route and their merchants. When merchants and their clan or families were using to infiltrations villages and the economic situation in villages started to be uncertain, shinobi started leaving their villages. And it is one of the reasons for the outbreak of war. Nobody in class, if Sakura sees well, is interested. Her heart hurt, but why? Why it could make her mad. It is their choice and Sakura knows that it is boring. Then why?

'I think they are just stupid like you. You'll see if war start, history isn't the most important subject at all. In Sensei's opinion, you should focus more on strategy from wars not reasons why they started.'

'Reasons are important too. I could focus on a few things at the same time!'

'Of course, then focus'

Sakura knows it's a lie. Concentre on the few things is hard. She gives up. She could analyze them later.

After school, she goes to training ground again but this time she's peaceful and focused. Iruka-sensei always reminds all of the class to exceed their limits. Now she tried to find her limited. Like her mother said it is something that everyone must find if want to get better. She knows that, but still, it is not what she has done before. She is a type of thinking person, not active at all. Her parents are jonin, and when she declared her decision about becoming kunoichi they were so proud. In these two years, since she started academy she saw the other girls, and they were not particularly competitive in some subjects like boys do. She thought that if other girls in her age are not as good in taijutsu as boys it is natural that she isn't too, and she did not even try that change. She worked only as much as at school, not more. Of course, she saw when boys coming after school to the training ground and fought with each other just for checking their abilities for fun. They talk about their training and weapons like when girls discuss dresses and hairs. Sakura sometimes wants to do what boys too, but she wasn't brave enough to talk with them.

Two weeks ago one of the girls said that boys don't like girls with musculatures or fat girls, that said her mother, and she starts a diet. Some girls in the class started too. The difference between males and females in class is really visible. On the other hand, Sakura always thinking that males are more childish in some ways. Their talks are never serious, they like pranks and most do not take lessons other than taijutsu or bukinjutsu seriously. Suzume-sensei one day said this is a normal difference. Sometimes Sakura wants to fight with someone like boys do. Sometimes Sakura wants to talks with someone about books like her mom with her friends, but no one is not interested. Sometimes she wants to talks about dress and hairstyles and it is only what she does. She has a lot of interests. Not only girls things. But no one in her age is not like her. Of course, Sakura knows that she does not know a lot of classmates too well after all. But it frustrating, so much. One year ago, when she felt lonely one day because she noticed her dissimilarity. Sakura knew that everyone is different, her mom always says that, but she wanted to have someone to talk about everything. Ino is smart and brave and she is Sakura's best friend, but sometimes Ino does not quite understand her. That day Inner Sakura came.

'Maybe is that I don't understand the others'

She started doing katas more aggressive wanting to get rid of sudden emotions.

It got her two hours until she fainted with exhausted. She felt sadness and despair. Sakura knew that physical strength is not her strong point. But she could not do more than two sequences of academy katas. Her form, as the teacher said, is perfect, Sakura knew that her stamina is not good at all. But she is from two years in the academy, she shouldn't be that weak. Her bukinjutsu is good for girls in the academy, but when she stayed a little further from an object, then she could not hit it. She could change herself and get stronger. She knows that. But still, it hurt.

"Hey, Kid! Aren't you should be in a home now?" The amused voice surprised Sakura. She looked up at talking person. With an embarrassing screech, she jumped up. She began to breathe quickly. Again rule number twelve. She'll never be a good shinobi if she can't be aware of her ambient. She'll never be strong.

"Hey, don't cry!" Now the voice started to panic. "Take deep breaths. Let's do what I. Inhale, Exhale" Sakura listen to the men's voice. Inhale Exhale. Inhale Exhale. What did she have done?! Sakura can imagine her failure as shinobi.

"Hey, what's up?! Uh, Did you hurt or something?" Sakura knew that she shouldn't cry, shinobi don't cry, shinobi are just a weapon, she knew that but

"I won't be a good shinobi!" And started to cry.

"Kiddo, why do you want to be a shinobi?" And Sakura stop cry. It's pretty easy "You'll be good if you don't forget why" And he has gone. She knows.

Sakura is a thinking person. She may conclude, she could analyze them. It easy. Sakura is physically weaker than boys in her class and half of girls. If she wants to be strong as shinobi she has to be stronger than they all. To be strong she has to train. It's pretty easy. Every year, when all of her classmates came back after some of them were stronger than they were last school year. And from year to year, it has had began to divide their chasm. She has not thought about that a lot. Just they stronger. It's all. Ino was one of them. The blonde-haired girl often complains at her dad. Something about senseless training. Sakura sees that it is not senseless if she gets stronger. So if Sakura wants to be stronger than Ino as it looks impossible, she should train more than Ino, more than boys, more than Sasuke-Kun. It's pretty easy so. She has to get progress if she trains everyday. She should be smarter if she reading more than everyone in the class.

She just will overcome her limitations. It's easy.

Shikamaru knows something had changed months ago. When he said something he meant about Sakura. It began one day when Ino got sick. No, it had started a few weeks before. One day Ino was more troublesome than always. On any other day, he would ignore it, but they had to take part in the Ino-Shika-Chou clans meeting and he must wasting time with Ino, thanks kami there was Choji.

That event is being organized every year and lasts two days. During these days three clans meet on Akimichi grounds. New children are presenting, shinobi, they boast about their promotion, talks about new Justus and how to use them to different kinds of formations. Civilian talks about their works. When someone gets married it's an excuse to drink sake by grown-ups. Everything is being named "strengthening cooperation by clans". Shikamaru knows there's a lot of politics. He isn't stupid, his Old Man is jonin commander at least and Shikamaru heard many things. He is used to ignoring them. It's too much trouble for him. He doesn't want to be clan head in the future at least. Instead of his father, he isn't talented that much isn't motivated, intelligent. His strategy too simply. When the old man was in Shikamaru age he was a genius, pride of clan. His laziness was intentional, of course, is weren't a fake, but Old Man could hard working. He worked so hard, studied also he could be inconspicuous. His mother always says that. Always ask why he isn't like his father at that age. He won't be a good clan head. In Shikamaru's opinion, one of his cousins would be better for that.

Day by day Sakura began to remind his father at their age. Maybe some things in personality are different, maybe she isn't as smart as Shikaku yet. She even is a girl. She's the type of genius like his father. She works harder than others, but she doesn't lean. She does not show all her skills, only as far as she is asked. Sakura does that for ended school with Ino. Shikaku have done the same for being in a team with uncle Choza end uncle Inoichi. Shikamaru may be doing something looks like that, but it isn't true. He knows even if he tried, he would never end school before twelve. He's not like them. He's not a genius like them. He is only a little bit smarter than peers. But it Sakura has the same look in her eyes what Shikaku sometimes does.

Shikamaru doesn't know what had changed Sakura. What made her similar to his father. She started to change, Shikamaru is scared and intrigued at the same time.

'Sakura! Did you already make what Suzume-sensei request for? ' Ino asked. Ah, kunoichi classes, nothing interesting. Shikamaru doesn't say it loud, Ino would scream. Yeah, not worth the trouble. Shikamaru thinks it a waste of time for them. This time can be spent on a nap, it is more attractive for him. Thanks, gods he needn't be there too.

'Um, yeah. I did it. I think It was pretty hard. Are you? ' Sakura smiled politely. She was doing it for a few weeks. Sakura has stopped to show what she thinking of when she realized she started to be better than them. She stopped to show her true thoughts and skills. No, more like she shows them in a way that they don't think about them twice. Like when she talked with Ino about new clothes, Ino told her about "cute dresses, you'd look great in the" Sakura respond "They don't match my new taijutsu" and it was all. Shikaku has been doing the same. So similar.

'You too? I made my hidden information look like a love letter. The easiest way I know, don't look at me like that.' Sakura giggled.

'Don't mind Ino-chan, you probably it good. Just it a little bit obvious, isn't it?'

'Maybe' Ino huffs. Choji looks between them.

'Um, What about you learned in kunoichi classes?' He asked. Choji seems truly interested.

'Now? We have to make our code. I mean our year. We must do it until March. Expect that we learned civilian infiltration, how to change yourself, you know. Oh, ikebana! It's my favourite one. We learning about flowers to make hidden notes. I'm the best in class in that!' Ino is so noisy. How troublesome. Shikamaru looked at the clouds. So patient today.

'Why there're only girls? I mean, your dad also specialized in infiltration. And he is a man.' Choji asked carefully.

'Infiltration is one of the subjects in kunoichi classes.' Sakura responds. 'Genins rarely took that kind of mission. Sometimes Hokage is made genin team focused on infiltration, but then you get a special jonin-sensei. More often you choose your specialization when you made chunnin. Then you take special training. We have that subject in classes 'cause almost sixty per cent of people specializing in this field are women. In short at all' Ino looks overexcited. It is not good. If you asked, Shikamaru is not interested in Sakura words. Yeah.

'Are you read that somewhere?' Choji looks surprised and keen on. Ino too. Sakura gets a little blush instead.

'Yeah, kind of.' Ino looked at her with an impressive smile.

'You're so smart Sakura. Don't be shy like that!'

She giggled.

'You're so beauty Ino. Don't show it like this!'

Pink-haired girl huffs. And it is all. No one thinks about this anymore. Uncle Inoichi said that he was realized what his dad do after the year. He said it was like they known his intelligence so they have not been thought how much it is. Uncle Inoichi is intelligent too. Reading people is kind of his hobby. Ino is similar, she should see what Sakura is doing. But like uncle Inoichi trust his Old Man, she trusts Sakura so she does not watch her truly. Uncle Inoichi is watching everything and everyone by now, he does that automatically. He still trusts Shikaku, but he knows him now. Ino has to learn that by herself, she has to get experience. Ino is girlish. Before Sakura changed, Ino had been sulky for a few weeks. When Sakura changed Ino was too. Something changed between them, and it was good. If you asked Shikamaru he would respond about instinct stuff and troublesome women.

Over the past few months, Sakura has fallen into a comfortable routine. She liked to sleep, but she started to wake up two hours than before. Shinobi rule number 22, Shinobi must give up his benefits and convenience for the good of the village. Shinobi role number 23, Shinobi must overcome his limitations for the good of the village. So she does that, she no longer sleeps as long as she can. She wakes and does first short warm-up in her room, she stretches for a few minutes. Then she goes to the training ground for students. She does academy warm-up twice as her mom said. Next, she is doing every katas she knows. She wants to overcome her limitations, so she does them as long as she felt she cannot stand it and two more times. Next, she does half an hour stretches. When she had left time she meditates for some time as taught by her teacher. Next, she came back home, she washes up, packs her backpack, makes two Bentos, one of them she take to school.

When she started to with that kind of training she repeatedly wanted to give up. It hurt. She felt so lonely because she did not tell anyone about her new goal to expect her parents. They are proud of her and motivate her when they at home.

No often they are.

Sakura sometimes feels fragile and weak. When she came back home, so exhausted, unclean. When she begins to doubt no one there for her. Everything hurts her, sometimes she cries over pain. That physically and emotional pain. It is too much for her sometimes. She makes a promise and she knows herself. It would hurt her more and more if she gives up. Like when she gave up on friendship. She fights so. She promised, she does not want to broke it. Even it is hurt. That is why she has the strength to get a shower instead of fallen at the bed. That is why she makes a dish by herself instead of going to sleep or going to school without anything to eat.

Sakura wants to be a good shinobi. She knows she will be. She learned all shinobi rules by heart and use them every day. Everyone decisions what she could decide Sakura does as rules say. If she will not she would not be a Proud Leaf Kunoichi. And she will not be able to protect mom, dad and Ino. Sakura got a new reason to trained, her new friends. Choji and Shikamaru. She is so happy that like she did not expect. They another one of her motivations.

Sakura has a routine. Wake up, trained, go to the academy and she does her best, came back and does her homework, go to train again for a few hours. She learning or reading in the afternoon. And the last she meditates before sleep. It is all in short. Sometimes it is broken when her parents are home or when she has a sleepover with Ino. After all, her morning routine is unchanged, changing only after school. When it comes she trains more at weekend.

Even it makes her cry of pain. She tries not, shinobi don't cry. It is the only one derogation from the rules she allows.

"We have to learn how to stop before we make genin at least"

"I think we'll get stronger until them. We'll we will have more pain resistance I think so"

Sakura did not remember times when she was without her Inner. She may remember when it was but not how. She started to talk with her second self when she couldn't make friends with anyone. She had thought that nobody understood her, her parents too. Her mom always had high expectations for her. How she has to behave as a daughter, as a girl. When she went to the academy as a future kunoichi. And her dad, he expects nothing from her. Sakura does not know what hurts her more. If she gets strong they will be proud of her. She loves her parents, she wants to make them happy of her. She will be a good daughter and a great shinobi. She could do both of that. She is sure.

That is why she has her Inner, her second self. When she has no one to talk about interesting her stuff she is talked with Inner, Sakura knows they the same person, but when she has not enough brave to think about something her self have.

"You know Ino isn't that smart. Say it easier"

"Ino could understand it! She's smarter than me"

"Are you pretty sure?"

When she wants to give up. When Sakura wants to cries in front of someone. When she wants to stop looking underneath every time. Her Inner is able to restore her to order.

Sakura passed people when she came home. She barely kept her usual expression. She came back about eight p.m. she felt every muscle in her body. Everything is terrible. What kind of person would stand it every day? Maybe she should…

"What kind of shinobi you are? Rule number 10, A shinobi must see the hidden meanings within the hidden meaning, rule 24; A shinobi must never show any weakness. Rule number 25…"

"A shinobi must never show their tears." She took a deep breath and finished dressing the wounded fists. All she had to do, with her routine, was do homework and meditation before bedtime. "No one will ever see my tears. My feelings are mine. Shinobi is just a weapon, not a person. So she could stand it."

Thanks, everyone for comments and suggestions. And for Grammarly, I haven't heard about this before it's helped me so much.

LittleGhostx - thank you for your input and effort when writing this comment. I was pleasantly surprised for such a long and helping comment.

I want to explain why a show Sakura like that.

I want to show Sakura as a child who doesn't know what will happen in the future. So she won't know what she should train as long as no one told her. She will be try. All of her predispositions would help her. I want to show it realistic as naruto world as can. Changes in her mind, society pressure, indoctrination in Leaf, characters of her parents.

She was born at the beginning of a new era when third world war had ended no much earlier and new Hokage has been selected. He changed a lot of things in the village as much as he could during one/two years. I think when Third returned to the position he wants to continue what Minato started, but he couldn't according to different ages, minds and experiences. Be Hiruzen tried to start new peacetime. Her parents, like a lot of different shinobis and civilians, lived during one or two wars (or three like people in Hiruzen/Danzo age). Her parents are ninja so they don't know true kind of peace. Why am I talking about this? She grows up with the emphasis of parents and society that living in these times must be happy and her problems are not comparable to their childhood.

Her mother tries to give her choose between civilian live and shinobi so she's strict teaching Sakura. She's not a bad mother. It's only Sakura view. Her father too, he's trying to give Sakura choose without any requirements. He loves his daughter so. Sakura, after being persecuted, thinks that her father considers her a failure. Of course, it isn't true but it's Sakura view.

In the same position is Shikamaru but a little bit different. His mother tries to motivate him, comparing him to his father. I think Shikaku was a genius. Genius equally to Minato. He's smarter than his father and grandfather. He was born during the war. He saw how his clanmate goes to war and didn't come back. When he was young he had the motivation to try to protect he worked hard, trained, learned. Something alike young Itachi. Difference between them is that one became a pacifist in heart and the other is ruthless and calculating in a sense. Shikamaru doesn't know that. He knows as much as his mother and the other growns-up told him. Shikamaru may be intelligent but I think he has low self-esteem as a result of the times he lives in and how he is brought up. He sees Shikaku in Sakura's actions 'cause he doesn't understand what grown-ups try to show him. He's just little boy at least. And it's his view.

I don't try to make Sakura second Shikaku or Kakashi. I'd like to understand how the worldview looks in the world like that. And how could changes as they grown-up.