Author's Note: Nope. Still don't own anything. Mild language warning. Into the garbage chute I goooooo! Have fun with this chapter! xx
Field of Vision
Chapter Fifteen
That night, sleep did not come easy for Ben. His mother's revelations were deeply disturbing and haunted his waking thoughts. All this time, Snoke had been the Emperor's puppet—which meant that Ben had also been the Emperor's puppet.
A mere play thing.
Palpatine must have known everything about him, his family, and his inner darkness and conflict with the light; surely he must have seen something similar happen to his grandfather before his death.
Death.
Ben knew his was coming. There was no way around it if he wanted to fully be redeemed… or if he wanted the girl sleeping peacefully next to him to live.
Slowly, Ben rolled away from Rey's embrace in their narrow bed. He crawled out of bed and pulled the blanket over her bare shoulder, hoping she wouldn't notice his absence. As he walked to the edge of the room to pick up his discarded shirt, he felt funny, like he was being watched. He turned around to look back at Rey, but she was fast asleep. Still reeling from the sensation of being watched, he pulled on his boots and a shirt and stepped outside for a walk in the night air. Needing to clear his head, he put one foot in front of the other and kept moving with no real destination in mind.
Out in the spacious ship yard, Ben felt like he could breathe again, though still sensed that he wasn't alone. Regretting that he hadn't made that new lightsaber yet, Ben looked for anything on the ground to use as a weapon, in case his midnight stroll led to another fight. He grabbed a pipe wrench from a nearby mechanic's cart and held it at the ready. Wrestling with his troubled thoughts, Ben continued his vigilant excursion.
He hadn't enjoyed learning his entire youth had been spent as a slave to an undead Sith legend and realized that his fear of Snoke had been minimal compared to the fear he should have had for the Emperor. But now, out of his anger and a desire for balance through the lens of his revenge, he wasn't afraid of facing the Emperor. As Ben walked through the ship yard, passing X-wing after X-wing, he encountered the Millennium Falcon, resting quietly in its place at the edge of the jungle. The little hairs on the back of his neck tingled and the sensation of being watched felt more intense than ever before.
"Hey kid."
Ben flinched as he heard the distinct deep voice of his father. He spun around, looking for the source of this necromancy. Immediately he grew skeptical of what he'd heard, doubting if he was really awake.
"How've ya been," asked the voice.
Ben started to breathe heavy, the fear and shame rising in him again. There was no question to whom that voice belonged. He decided to indulge the voice; clearly he was beginning lose his wits the longer he stayed with these Rebels.
"Hey dad," said Ben quietly, still turning in slow circles with his eyes peeled for anything else unexpected. He held the pipe wrench in his sweaty hands a little tighter.
Suddenly the hatch of the Falcon opened; the sounds of the ship depressurizing preceded the mechanical ramp's descent. Startled, Ben spun around for the source of the sound.
"Chewie?" Ben called urgently, hoping this was all in his head and his godfather was playing games with him again.
"Nah, it's me, kid. Don't you know your old man when you see him?"
Ben anxiously watched the boarding ramp meet with the ground as he saw a familiar pair of booted legs appear at the top of the ramp, walking down a few steps. The image of his father slowly started to descend from the Falcon, gesturing at Ben to come aboard.
"What the fuck is this," said Ben.
"Hey, watch your language. You don't want your mother to hear that mouth. C'mon," said Han, waiving at his son to hurry over as he ducked back inside.
Ben couldn't believe what was happening. A dreadful sense of curiosity drove Ben to follow his father up the boarding ramp, stepping heavy on the ramp to make sure he was really feeling the Falcon underneath his feet. The metal thrummed beneath his feet, as solid as the earth around him.
"I've gotta be dreaming," said Ben aloud to himself as he entered the darkened hold of the Falcon. It was the first time in his adult life to step in here with his father—ghost or not. The Falcon still held the mild smell of sulfur and mechanic's grease that he remembered as a boy when he used to play in here.
"Hate to break it to you; but you're awake, kid," said Han smugly. He moved around the corner without Ben noticing, still leaving Ben to wonder if this was all just a dream.
"Is this real?" His voice was small, looking around the hull of the Falcon.
Ben turned the corner and came face to face with the man he once knew as his father. The younger Solo took a half-step back, startled by his closeness. In his fright, Ben dropped the pipe wrench as it thudded against the ship's hollow smuggler's floor.
"As real as you want it to be," said Han comfortingly. It wasn't until this moment that Ben got a good look at the ghost of his father. He looked exactly the same as he did from Ben's youth, before he left to train with Luke. His hair was brown and there were fewer lines on his handsome face. He even smelled of the same aftershave he used to wear. It was so strange for Ben to meet his father like this, here and now after all this time.
"C'mon, when's the last time you and I went out together in this old thing?" Han's eyes crinkled at the corners as he smiled wide; his joy of being in the Falcon with his son again was contagious.
Ben's eyes grew wide. His ghost of a father was suggesting of taking the Falcon out? Impossible.
"You've gotta help me though… the Falcon's always been a two-pilot team. Here you'll need these," Han reached his hand out to give something to Ben.
Han dropped something small and metal into Ben's open palm. It was the golden dice that used to hang in the cockpit, and they were real. Fond feelings and memories of playing with these dice flooded back to Ben, reminding him of simpler days.
Father and son, mirrored images of each other, walked through the hull until they reached the cockpit.
"But Rey flew her all by herself, dad. She escaped a battalion of TIE-fighters on Jakku without a co-pilot."
"No, shit," said Han in disbelief, but then covered his mouth to catch himself being a hypocrite. "Don't tell your mother," he said, shaking a disciplinary finger at Ben.
Ben couldn't help himself—he smiled and let loose his laughter like this was just another good day with dad. But then he remembered the strangeness of this experience and set his face back to expressionless stone again.
"You've gotta quit doin' that."
"Doing what?" Ben couldn't help but ask even though he felt stupid for arguing with this specter.
"Cutting Kylo Ren back on like he's a damn light switch. Stoppit! Kylo Ren is gone— you have to stop doubting yourself or you'll never make it."
Silence stretched between them as they stared at each other. Ben felt his heart sink as he absorbed what his father's ghost was telling him. He thought he'd given up his life as Kylo Ren when he risked everything to be with Rey. He didn't think he was holding anything back…
"'Never tell me the odds', right dad?"
The vision of Han smiled proudly as Ben echoed one of his father's favorite sayings back to him.
"That's right. Never tell me the odds," but Han's smile faltered a bit, "You've been beating yourself up too much for what happened. It's... alright, kid. I knew what I was doing by coming for you. I saw my chance and I took it—I didn't need to think about the odds."
Tears stung at the edges of Ben's eyes, subtly reminding him that he was still capable of showing emotion. He didn't know if this was real or some cruel joke set upon him by the universe, but he desperately wanted it to be real. He didn't realize how much he'd missed his father, and regretted everything he'd done all over again.
"I'm sorry, dad," said Ben through a sudden outpouring of emotion. All that he'd been holding in was threatening to come spilling out.
Han leaned forward to pull his son into the embrace he didn't realize he'd been desperate for.
"I forgive you," said Han, his voice breaking slightly. Allowing himself to be held his father, Ben marveled at how real he felt and was relieved that he could finally have this moment with him, even if it was all happening in his head. Slowly they parted and looked at each other bashfully for a brief moment before Han pressed on and continued imparting his wisdom.
"Son, you've got to decide whether or not you're going to jump in the fight— I once had to make the same decision, and looking back, it was one of the best things I could've done. It brought me to your mother, and I've never regretted it."
Ben wiped his face, listening intently as he'd never listened to his father before.
"I used to think it was your mother that dragged me into the trenches. But, if I'm being honest, I was always headed into that war. I was a part of this galaxy too, and just like a Sabacc game with Lando, everything was at stake.
"History is repeating itself. Stop acting like you don't have any skin in this game; take it from me kid, you do."
"Dad," said Ben, trying to argue with him. But Han rounded closer to him, pointing his finger in his son's chest to emphasize his meaning. His father's young, blue eyes grew serious as he stared down his adult son.
"You have nothing to lose and everything to gain! You have more reasons to fight against the Emperor than anyone else. So don't waste any chances, Ben. You can make that shot."
Hearing his father finally say his name rendered his heart. Ben felt stronger by hearing it and found it within himself to finally embrace who and what he was. Together, they took their places in the pilot and co-pilot's seats, prepping the Falcon for launch.
xx
When Rey woke the next morning, she found herself alone in bed. She rubbed her eyes and looked around for any sign of Ben, but couldn't find him. She didn't feel well, but realized how much there still was to prepare for the final mission. Rey crawled out of bed and pushed through her illness to get ready for the day.
After she obtained a meager breakfast in the mess hall, Rey headed out into the jungle with her food, still feeling a little too queasy to eat, but knew that if she waited any longer all the food would've been gone. Growing up on Jakku taught her to prioritize survival needs over anything else. If she had that covered, she could do anything.
The jungle was a vast and verdant labyrinth of trees and vines and colorful brush. The sun was out shining little beams of light through the dense jungle canopy onto the ground below. Over time, Rey had established a well-worn path from the ship yard into the Jedi training course tucked away in the jungle. Anything with eyes or orbital receptors could find it, yet here, she felt hidden and safe, surrounded by living green things she hadn't known existed for most of her life. She began to eat her breakfast while sitting on a rock, semi-meditating. She tuned the rest of the world out while she chewed her bread and focused on calming thoughts, unaware of the wily, old acquaintance hovering silently nearby.
xx
A sudden clatter of mechanical mayhem jarred Ben awake inside the cockpit of the Millennium Falcon. Outside, a team of mechanics were beginning the hustle and bustle of a new work day, continuing preparations on their fleet of fighters for the upcoming battle. Ben's neck was stiff from sleeping in the co-pilot's seat and his heart was racing from being awoken so suddenly. He took a deep breath and stretched as he evaluated his surroundings. The Falcon was exactly where he'd found her last night, unmoved. This discovery did little to assure him that last night's journey with his father across the galaxy was nothing but a wonderful dream.
But when Ben stood up to leave, the golden dice Han had given him fell out of his lap and clinked loudly as they landed on the metal floor. Ben reached down to pick them up, marveling that they were as solid and real as the smuggler's ship around him. He pocketed the dice as the weight of the realization struck him that maybe… just maybe… last night's dream hadn't been a dream after all.
Ben exited the Falcon and walked north into the compound towards his shared room with Rey. The thought crossed his mind to speak to his mother about last night's visitation, but then he thought better of it. He didn't want to see his mother upset anymore. The ship yard was buzzing with activity once more; everyone had a mission to prepare for. It reminded him of the very task he'd been putting off doing.
Passing through the chaos of star fighter repairs and Rebel fastidiousness at work, his heart felt lighter than it ever had since arriving on this planet. He walked determinedly through the ship yard as he made his decision. It was time to open the box.
xx
Since eating her breakfast, Rey had already begun to feel better. Meditating in her jungle hideaway brought a sense of balance and peace to her troubled thoughts, allowing her to levitate a few feet off the ground as she meditated. She was calm enough again that she could summon the bond between her and Ben, sending him positive feelings through their connection.
Where are you? Rey asked him through the bond.
He responded to her eagerly, filling her senses with a bright and radiating warmth she'd never experienced from him before.
Our quarters. Can't wait to see you, he answered.
Rey reveled in the warmth Ben was sending her through the bond; it was bright and held no traces of his former darkness. She'd grown so used to the constant teetering act of dark and light within him, trying to find where she could best balance him out, that she didn't know how to address this new feeling.
But a familiar and gravelly old voice broke the quiet rhythm of the jungle and disturbed Rey from her concentration.
"You're not supposed to use the Force like a comlink, Rey," came Luke's voice from seemingly nowhere. "Didn't I teach you anything?"
Shrieking, Rey jolted out of her calm reverie with her bondmate and fell gracelessly from her delicate perch in midair at the sound of his voice.
"What are you doing here?" Rey was both outraged and surprised to see Luke anywhere outside of Ahch-to.
"Giving you your final lesson," said Luke.
Rey stood up and brushed the dirt off the back of her pants, glaring expectantly at the bluish ghost of her brief and former master. By this point, she'd spent more time under Leia's tutelage than she had ever spent with Luke.
"Alright then, get on with it. Though, I'm still a little mad at you," said Rey honestly.
She had always felt like she wasted her time on Ahch-To over a year ago when she and Chewie arrived, hoping to collect him on behalf of the Resistance. They needed him so badly then, but through many hard lessons, everyone learned that they didn't need a legend to save them—not when they had it in themselves to write their own legends.
Luke walked closer to Rey without making a sound. His body was transparent and the air around them was stilled and quiet, making Rey feel uneasy around his ghost.
"I know I should've been a better mentor to you, but I still believe that it's time for the ways of the Jedi to end."
"I'm no Jedi. And neither is Ben. You've failed both of us—but we've found our own ways," said Rey sharply. "Not that I think you truly cared…"
Luke sensed her hurt and her frustration and couldn't blame her for still harboring it against him. He knew he had failed her, too.
"Ah, Ben. How is my nephew these days?"
Rey didn't appreciate this small talk. She was about as interested in this conversation with him as she was getting a tooth pulled.
"Doing quite well, no thanks to you."
Luke laughed loudly. She was absolutely correct.
"I would imagine so. You've become a better teacher to him than I ever could be," he said with a knowing gleam in his ghostly eyes. "But then again, I'm not a lovely young lady built to catch his eye."
Rey was shocked and outraged all over again. She started blushing at the implication, despite the truth behind it. He was probably trying to get a rise out of her, but only because he didn't understand them.
"What are you playing at?" Rey yelled angrily.
"Don't get swayed by a pair of pretty eyes and forget to do what's right. Sacrifices will need to be made," said Luke seriously as he held up his mechanical hand. "This is no game, Rey. There are real consequences for failure, trust me, I would know."
Luke's implications hit hard; Rey knew about sacrifice more than most and wasn't ignorant to the dangers that came with the mission ahead. Surely, that's why Luke was here.
"I know," Rey cried, "I'm doing everything I can to help, and so is Ben, you've got to believe me."
Luke remained still, staring sadly at Rey's trembling body.
"And Rey," he said softly, waiting for her to look up at his ghost again, "I do care. I believe what you're telling me. That's why I'm here."
Luke turned away from her to look at their jungle surroundings. "This place is wild," he said, changing subjects and immediately irritating Rey. "It reminds me of Dagobah," he continued with a small chuckle to himself.
"Not nearly as wild as that awful island you hid yourself away on," Rey answered, defending her verdant haven.
"Have I ever told you about my old master?" Luke asked as he turned to face Rey, whose curiosity could not be contained.
xx
During their conversation, neither ghost nor girl had noticed the new arrival in their vicinity. Ben had sensed Luke's presence as soon as Rey broke their bond, rushing over as fast as his long legs could carry him. Rey heard his approach through the leafy entrance and was relieved to see him. Boldly, he stared down Luke while he walked over to Rey and put his hand on the small of her back.
"Ah, speak of the devil and he shall appear," said Luke teasingly.
Ben remained guarded and stoic around his uncle, choosing not to respond. He stood protectively close to Rey, trying to fight against the hostile tendencies surrounding the complicated feelings he held. He wasn't the least bit pleased to see his uncle again.
"I'm glad you're both here, that way I won't have to haunt you individually," said Luke sarcastically.
"Thanks. I've been visited enough lately," said Ben irritably. Luke nodded soberly; he seemed to give off the impression that he knew more than what he was letting on. Rey looked at Ben sideways, expecting to be filled in on the mystery later.
"Seeing as how I've fought the Emperor before, I thought I'd share a little advice with the two of you."
Ben scoffed, unbelieving that Luke would have any real advice they could use. But Luke continued, ignoring his nephew's interruption.
"The Emperor has a weakness. He doesn't respect the underdog enough to foresee that it's his downfall every single time. Use this to your advantage, but not before he will try to turn you both—or at least use you for what you can do for him. The Emperor is a tricky old fool who has evaded death for far too long."
"Thanks for the advice, uncle. Now, we've got real things to attend to," said Ben sarcastically, turning with Rey in tow to leave.
But Luke stood his ground, floating around silently to block their leaving. "Look—Ben, I know I've wronged you. And I'm sorry, kid. I shouldn't have doubted you the way I did. It was the worst mistake I've ever made."
Ben contemplated his uncle's apology. Considering how lately he'd been the one to constantly apologize for his mistakes, he understood the amount of humility involved with producing a genuine apology. He accepted it without reservation, though it would take much longer to forget the years of pain and betrayal still hanging between them.
Nodding solemnly, Ben appreciated what it took to get there.
"I see you've made a new one," said Luke, smiling as he noticed the item hanging from Ben's belt. It was half-hidden under his long shirt. Rey's eyes turned to follow what Luke was looking at, then immediately looked up at Ben, her entire face beaming.
xx
"Spar with me," Rey said enthusiastically as she stepped away from Ben, unlatching her own saber from her belt.
Ben's eyebrows raised high. "You sure? We get a little intense," he said, thinking of all the times they've sparred before when they were enemies and allies; they held nothing back.
"I know," she answered, grinning. Her mind was already made up.
"Do I need to leave?" Luke asked, feeling like he was suddenly last week's news.
Ben and Rey both offered answers to Luke's question at the same time, but they were opposite statements of one another, both amusing Luke and embarrassing Ben.
"I think I'm gonna leave," said Luke quickly as he silently backed away from the pair. "I'll catch you kids later."
Ben and Rey stared at each other as Luke's ghost disappeared back into the ether. Slowly, Rey turned and angled her body in a defensive stance.
"C'mon then," said Rey, activating her lightsaber. "No one is watching us now."
Ben smirked and started rolling up his sleeves. This was going to be fun.
Rey circled around Ben slowly, deliberately watching him for the slightest of movements. Rey watched as he took a deep breath in; his shoulders rising and chest expanding and contracting as he exhaled. Then she lunged forward. Ben still didn't reach for his new saber, but dodged her movements easily. He held his arms in close as he shifted and dodged each of her thrusting attacks, wearing her out early.
"I wanted to spar, Ben, not dance with you," said Rey irritably.
Teeth bared, Rey launched herself up the side of a tree and into the air and towards Ben. She spun around like an acrobat in slow motion, threatening to chop him down from above, when Ben rose to meet her with his own rapidly-activated lightsaber. It was vibrantly blue, like hers, and the force of the crystal resting within was strong and stable.
Their sabers crossed and together their bodies were awash in the blue glow. Rey landed on her feet and swung wide, slicing through a few large, low-lying bushes. They could smell the singed edges of the plants while Ben threw himself backwards, barely missing getting struck. His long hair flung droplets of sweat from his head as he spun himself around for a new attack strategy. She was swift as she parried against him, but Ben kept lunging aggressively towards her, a riposte to her parry, and swung harder and harder against Rey's attacks. She could feel the harsh impact from his strikes in her wrists all the way up her arms.
After several minutes of sparring Rey was beginning to struggle, but wouldn't dare show it. She was beginning to breathe heavy as she felt sweat drip down her shirt; Ben was putting up a good fight against her. She swung her saber wildly, determined to overcome him, but Ben parried easily against each attack. Before they'd realized it, they'd sparred to the edge of the training course and were close enough to be heard in the ship yard. Their sabers clashed loudly against one another as they continued to spar, both exhilarated with the effort of being evenly matched. They continued to spar, pushing each other to the brink.
Fatigue was beginning to settle in Ben from parrying her quick and endless retaliation. She was lighter of foot than he; while Ben was used to hulking around and thrusting his saber aggressively, she could still sway and parry him like he was nothing. So, he decided to cheat. Ben snuck indelicate thoughts through their bond, using sex as a weapon to try to get her to slip up. He was relentless as he used the Force to project images of them together the way he knew she liked. But Rey showed no indication of giving in to his advances. She leapt between two large ferns, waiting for Ben to follow into her trap. As expected, Ben came leaping forward, lightsaber raised overhead as he swung down hard.
Since the rulebook had long been cast out, Rey quickly parried his strike, then used the Force to powerfully throw Ben backwards into the green brush. With a single tweaking motion of her hand, she had pulled the saber from his hand and pushed him flat on his back, momentarily stunning him. Without hesitation, Rey climbed onto his heaving chest and lowered her saber close to his neck. The blue glow of her lightsaber illuminated a beautiful combination of genuine fear and burning admiration across Ben's face as he watched her. And since Rey had decided she was having fun, held her saber steady as she ground her hips against his, punishing him for being such a cheat.
Ben didn't dare move with her saber so close to his neck, so he just laid there and took his punishment, groaning with excitement as she lowered herself close enough to kiss him.
"Remember, two can play this game," she whispered, deactivating her own lightsaber and grabbing a fistful of his shirt.
Now that he wasn't at risk of being cauterized by her saber, Ben's hands flew up to hold her head as he kissed her wildly. All their Jedi theatrics had brought an eager audience, who now chose this moment to cheer as the dueling pair kissed. Immediately, the dyad separated and looked for where the noise was coming from.
At the edge of the ship yard, Poe's stupid face was grinning and waving an actual Rebel flag as he cried, "I KNEW IT!" Rose stood cheering and clapping with several other female mechanics along with BB-8, who chirped as he rolled in circles at their feet.
Mortified, Ben blushed a deep shade of red as he suffered under view of this unwanted audience, including his mother and Lando with a delegation from the stormtrooper deserters. But Rey just laughed like nothing was wrong as she finally rolled off of him.
"I KNEW IT!" They heard Poe continue to cry out.
xx