TW - Panic atack

"The beautiful thing about learning is that nobody can take it away from you." B.B. King

Way to be Leaf's shinobi means protect Konohagakure. Protect civilians, if you are chunnin you have to find a way to care about genin. Find a way to make them stronger, wiser or on mission give an order that keeps them with the greatest possibility of keeping them alive. The same responsibility, and way more, have a jonin.

Shodaime-sama believed the village would make a peace in the world. He wanted to stop the whole war forever. He hoped the treaty between Uchiha and Senju will be the first step toward the end of the war. Nidaime-sama believed in the village's system keeps safe people who could not defend themselves and make a place that shinobi will be calling home. He wanted to keep all children safe from dying in the war. He knew people will be always fighting, but he has hoped children have not died for someone wars.

Sandaime-sama was wanting to continue Shodaime and Nidaime Hokage started but times were changing. They taught him and ordered him to keep Will of Fire but doing it in different ways. These brothers minds were like the sky and the earth.

Hashirama was almost a God. His power couldn't be imagined in Sakura's head. He was way too strong, he had way more chakra than everyone. He connected a lot of clans by his power but they all stayed because of his charisma, ideas and results. When Sakura is reading about him he is shown as a God. She admires him. No doubt. She would never be like him, and she does not want to. She admires him but she has more respect for Tobirama.

He was a genius but more importantly, he has believed in work.

He hasn't got a lot of inspirational quotes. He hadn't been telling what would he do. He has just done it. What had been necessary he has done. He has seen what can be improved even if it looked perfect. Tobirama understood that it mostly impossible to made a peace in the world. Instead, he was working to make a chance for the next generations.

Sakura respects him a lot. She wants to be like Tobirama-sama someday, a genius of hard work.

Sakura has been three years in the academy when they were taught about senbon. They had lessons during that year about using them. For the next two years, they haven't been using them. They had a few lessons with this weapon in may that school year but it was all about it. Most of Sakura's classmates don't keen on it.

More like those who train with shinobi from their family, of course, they using them but Sakura didn't hear that anyone is interested in more than throw it somewhere. She thinks it's very flexible.

"Excuse me, sir," Sakura said while she's in the weapon shop. The average senbon package has twelve stuck. This one looks is a good one. She turns and looks at the shop owner "How much does it cost?"

"Usually it's eighty tree Ryo, " He said. The old man raised his eyebrow while he looking at her. Sakura bites her lip and put the package back on the shelf. "You're, kiddo, at academy right?"

"Yes, I am," she said. The shop owner looked above her head.

"You have good eyes, these senbons were made by my best smith," He said with a voice tone she couldn't understand. It reminded her of her granddad, he used to take a long, noisy breath, when he was thinking what to say next. Like he was telling a story and when he had to stop talking for a second he was breathing loud using his nose. The shop owner does the same. Maybe it's old people tick.

"Thank you" she responded politely "I'll remember that"

The old man looked at her and took off his glasses.

"You can take two packages of these and something else what you want. Price doesn't matter" he said and continue without that long breath " That smith who did most of the weapon needs more hands to work. Only for two months, his apprentice just got married. Go there, work for him and you can get it."

"Why? You don't know me and I don't know you" she said without thinking. Her mind turned off, any single thought like fly away. Old man eyes seems amused. He took breath.

"Kid, ask your father about this smith. Then come with answer. Now shoo, you don't have enough money"

It's embarrassing how fast she has ran to home. Her legs feel really light, like weight on her ankles disappears or she is that used to running so her muscles don't need to work anymore. When she finally stood in front of her house she slap herself in the face.

Heat is building in the lower stomach, going up to the chest. Her arms and hand, on the other hand, became super cold. Like the shortest day during every winter, night always seem to be endless and those hours each year she can't get warm no matter how many blankets does she have. She still can't feel her legs but when she looked down she see how they shaking. She can feel how her face and ears became super red.

Her legs lose it so she squats. Her heart is racing like during her workouts and she know that she turning into living tomato because of blush. In her head she have thousands of thoughts it similar to garbage. It so messy and dark, very loud and annoying, she just want them to stop. Her eyes hurts and she can feel her lacrimal gland working and her eyes becoming wet. It won't stop, Sakura can't understand it won't stop, only her breath doing it, that's not okay . It seems to looking for easiest way for not working.

The worst part that happens every times like that, it happens also when she can't sleep. It when she hear her name in head. Her name said by everyone who ever talk to her or about her. It weird but its the worst. She can hear Ino saying her name, her parents, Shikamaru, Choji, teachers, classmates, shop owners. Why she have talked with that many people thru her live. Why so many people she heard talking about her. Can't they just stop? She running out of breath, her muscles she was working on disappear, she has a headache but she can't feel her head. Everything hurts. Stop. She understand. Somebody end it or end her. Its hurts so much.

It's overwhelming. Maybe its some kind of sensor illusion about she read some time ago. She needs to release it but she can't do that. She can't do nothing valid. She embarrass herself, but more important her father. He is so patient with her and her stupidity. She bring shame on him.

She can't breathe. It burning.

Arms embraced her out of nowhere. Fright almost blow up her panic again.

"Sakura" It's her dad's voice and smell. He picked her up and she hold his neck as if she was sinking. For sure it felt like this. He has took her to the house and never soften his hold. It's made her lost her reserve and finally she cried.

But her mind goes quiet.

"Can you tell me what happened Sacchan?" Her dad asked softly and she couldn't muster up her courage to look at him

She can't understand why he doesn't say anything. It would be easier if he get mad like mom. When she was disappointed she said it. He won't say anything and Sakura don't know what to change. She knows only what to improve because he likes to prise her even she doesn't deserve it. She doesn't deserve it, why he is so different. Every other adult would say what she has to change, what she is doing wrong. Even Iruka-sensei. She doesn't deserve it, she has to improve. She has to change for him. She had to be the best for him. If he wouldn't tell her what's she doing wrong she'll become the best to not disappoint him.

Still, she hadn't had any courage to look at him. But she couldn't make him wait, she had to answer.

"Father" she started, trying her best for her voice to be normal.

"Yes, Princess?" He softens his voice even more. She can't stand that, he thinks she's weak and can't talk to her normal. She's embarrassed by herself for being calmed down by it.

"I've embarrassed you in front of your friend," She said. She made her best to keep her face straight and finally looked at dad.

Her heart stopped. He's looking at her so soft. He thinks she's weak.

"Can you tell me about it?" and she had no other choice, she told him. It's all she could do at this point.

"Weapon shop is halfway roads. I didn't have enough money for what I wanted. He was polite and propose to me to work in his smiths. I acted dumb and didn't know what to say. I was Impolite and didn't trust him, and I embarrassed you."

Like, report. She doesn't want to make it unnecessary long.

"Sakura, you didn't embarrass me, you were a good girl. Thank you for telling me" Again she felt bad for relief. "Do you want to work there? Or do you want me to buy these things for you?"

"Dad, I would like to work there." She said. It's all that she could do.

He just smiled.

Once she will get older she'll realise how much impact on her life this moment brings.

...

"Congratulation Sakura, you are officially proud kunoichi of Konohagakure," Iruka-sensei said while he gave her her headband. She did it, she is shinobi. She gave him her learned smile that looks the most natural, looking collected and a little bit exciting.

She bowed to her teachers and left class, where Ino was waiting for her.

She looked excited.

"Sakura-chan, we both did it!" she hugged her very excited.

"Yes Ino-chan," she said politely admiring pure joy on Ino's face. 'I would make everything to keep her happy like this forever ' she thought 'We will'

Sakura got an itch, looked at her friend and smiled with her eyes. Ino twisted some of her hair while thinking. Finally, the blonde girl decided to tell what was she thinking about while the girls left the academy front door.

"I wonder about our teammates." She started her statement with a voice tone that Sakura can't place anywhere. "And of course with who Sasuke-kun will be" Ino tends to think very loud. Depending on the situation it's amusing or worrying Sakura.

"One of us will probably be with Shikamaru or Choji" Sakura respond with a natural fact to see what is on Ino's mind. A blonde girl suddenly became unreadable and it says for itself.

"Yes, one of us obviously. Why we can't be in the same team or each team has two of us?" Ino asked with a fake smile. Ah.

"You worried," Sakura said. Ino raise one eyebrow and crossed her arms. "I see. Want to go shopping? Some dresses and weapons?" Sakura asked

"I like your way of thinking," Ino said with a sudden goofy smirk. 'She's made us say that.' "Today I'll celebrate with my parents, it's our last full free week as kinda non-shinobis. We can go next day shopping, next to springs and barbeque together"

"I think it's good," Sakura said in front of Ino's door. She didn't even notice how fast they got here.

When they split up she didn't head automatically to home. Her parents aren't there yet. Mom working currently in the economic division office while her dad coming home tomorrow from board duty. She headed towards a place she learned a lot.

"Uncle Kajiya, I am here," she said coming into smiths workplace. The owner sixty-eight old man who saying false things in a serious tone and calling it humour. Most people do not like him for that but depending on the occasion she finds him hilarious sometimes, especially when it comes to her, he makes her feel like an idiot.

"Yeah? I wouldn't know it if you haven't told me" He said while he's cooling down the temperature of newly carved out kunais. 'He's annoying' Sakura have to agree.

"Really, so you wouldn't know either that I need some new short senbons for my missions," She asked trying out his humour for the first time, even she's disrespectful towards him, she gets her first rank. She's majority from today.

"Kid, you get some snark. Not that bad" he respond " It was obvious that you'll do it, your weapons are on the table," he said still do not looking at her.

She walked towards the cleanest space The Table. There are all finished things. There was only one package in the middle of the rest other things. 'It's the bluntest way to say that' She agreed with Inner, but still realization finally come to her. She's shinobi. She did it. She isn't a disappointment. Rule number ten "A shinobi must see the hidden meanings within the hidden meanings."

"Now the fuck go away from here. This work's for non-shinobi people as the way to support the village. Come back only in two cases. If you quit being a soldier" He said while taking the package by himself and giving it to her. "I need to repeat or kick you out by myself?" he asked. She truly smiles for the last time in a long time in the future and runs out of the store

'Rule number ten' "Thank you, Old Man!"

"Ha! Even my wife isn't calling me old yet! From today you buying weapons in the shop you punk!"

...

'Ah, it's this time to move' Shikaku is lowkey proud of his son. He manage to be in almost the lowest place on the list, and still, his teachers didn't think twice to consider him an average.

Despite his clan's name. 'I wonder what Yoshino going to cook to celebrate.'

"Now, members of the last team, team ten " Hokage-sama announced. "Chosen team leader, Sarutobi Asuma" Shikaku looked at Inoichi. The Head of the Analisis Team chuckled as he was looking at Asuma-kun. He can't stop doing it at today's meeting. There was a lot, unexpected, news. Inoichi must've has fun from reading their body language.

"Members of team ten will be. Fourth best student and second-best kunoichi. Yamanaka Ino. Student on the seventeen places, Akimichi Choji and twenty-eight,

Shikamaru Nara."

Shikaku looked at Asuma, wondering his reaction. He seems to be unprepared for this. He looked at Hokage two seconds longer than other jonin-senseis. But then he bowed.

"Hai Hokage-sama"

After the meeting was ended, Shikaku has seen Choza inventing Asuma for the dinner. A similar situation was with two parents from team eight members. One of them was unexpectedly Aburame Shibi.

"Ah, Yoshino will kill me if I won't invite Asuma" Shikaku huffs 'I hope Yoshino will make some Shashimi'

Asuma wasn't amused. Old man likes not to tell him things beforehand. Well, sometimes it's a blessing.

He sighs standing in front of Nara Headhouse.

After he knocked he took the last deep a huff of cigarette.

'These deers are making me anxious' Asuma still standing with his childhood theory, that they can see his soul. He hides stubs in a cigarettes package, he would be killed if he leave it somewhere at Nara's, even in a trash can.

"Hi, Asuma" sudden Kurenai's gentle voice make him quiver. He rise his hand saying 'hey'. She's unusually in the jonin uniform and tided hair. They looked each other in the eyes not saying anything more as the doors opened.

They have seen already turned back Shikaku not even looking at them. They followed him.

In the room, they have come into were three other people with Shikaku four. Kurenai was first to speak. She bowed towards Shibi

"Thanks for the invitation" Aburame Shibi just showed her to sit next to him. A person that sat a little bit further from the table, leaning against the wall, laughed.

"Hey, Kurenai. Don't be so official just because you're a newbie. You're jonin like all of us after all" Shinraui Genma, tokubetsu jonin since being sixteen years old. Asuma also sits at the table. Without other introductions, the Last person asked.

"Asuma, you were always the rebellious one. Want to do this one more time?" After that statement atmosphere got serious.

...

Naruto feels so overwhelmed. It makes him so sad, he feels destroyed. It's also a relief, he finally understands why people hated him.

"Naruto? You celebrating?" boy jumped in his seat at ichiraku ramen and looked at his half-full bowl. Iruka-sensei.

"Ne, sensei." He started unusual quiet

"What's wrong? I thought you'd be happy. You passed, you're finally shinobi" Iruka haven't seen Naruto so upset in a long time. He feels his guts twisting

"Am I really shinobi, if I'm a monster?" his voice cracked. All of the emotions from all day, stress, shock after he passed, shock when Sarutobi-jiichan told him about being jinchurriki "Do you hate me too?"

he couldn't stop his tears right now "Why did you lie to me. Why did you pretend to like me…" he freeze. Arms wrap him tightly. He heard a strong voice in his ear.

"You're not a monster, you're a hero," he said that then his arms even more as if it's put more weight into his words "You just like me when I was your age. Lonely, seeking others attention. But you have a lot of more responsibility"

"Iruka-sensei…" Naruto feels again like this lonely six year old, but this time he found someone like family who was his only imagination. He feels as all these tears are from all these years

"You're like a little brother to me"

Hey,

i am embarrassed, i know it was almost two years. I was struggle i little bit. TBH i wanted to delete this story. But then i saw that so many people it follow and when i saw that recently somone new follow it i was like "it won't hurt me if i try"

At the beginning of pandemic i was fine as i'm an introvert but later i realised how bad is my mental state and i had't excuse to ignore it anymore.

Anyway, recently i feel almost good and it's possible that i'll post new chapter by the end of this month. that's my little peosnal goal so wish me luck and strength

Chapter notes: Yes, one child has changed and all plotline will change. Tbh more i'm writing, more i'm suprised by these characters. If you remeber that person Sakura meet in the introduction I can tell you that person has a lot of criticism. has some connections and impact on others. most people in village, even elders themself won't think of them as someone who'd started that sort of things, they don't stand out, but he still uses his brain.

What do y'all think about Kurenai, Asuma, Genma, Shibi, Shikaku and The Person as a team? Why these characters team up together?

Sakura going thru her own evolution, she has ocasion to experience from diverse people widsom. Uncle Kajiya will come back also.

About Naruto, since Mizuki disappeard, other teachers was more controlled by hokage, so Naruto get some good teachers and could pass. Simple

And i realised, Mebuki is a chunin and Kizashi is jonin. Somewhere i wrote that both of them are jonin, but it's not true.