Author's Note: Just to remind you, I do not own Star Wars, only garbage. Also, I totally incorporated some recently revealed facts from the Lucas edit of TROS. I have no shame. Thank you for reading this far, lovelies! xx P.S. My sincere thanks to you all for being such patient readers, and I apologize for the long wait in between updates. Time for pleasure writing is such a privilege I am not often granted anymore. xx
Field of Vision
Chapter Sixteen
The radio-crackled sound of Lieutenant Connix's voice rang through the room's transmitter, disturbing Leia's early morning meditation. She had been in her quarters for hours before the first of many messages came through, permanently disturbing her silence.
"Some things never change, do they," Luke teased his sister.
Her eyes were closed as she remained in a seated pose, her old limbs still able to sit cross-legged. Traces of a smile crept at the corners of her mouth, amused by the brother whom she had missed for so long.
Together they sat as mirror images side by side, meditating through and within the Force. Strangely enough, Leia was comforted more by her brother's presence as a Force ghost than she had ever felt when he was flesh and bone. She had long since foreseen the chaos and the struggle that would come next and was grateful for his presence right now.
"Are you going to tell him what you did, or should I?" Luke asked, his voice dripping with judgement.
Yet again, Leia's concentration broke and she swatted irritably at Luke's knee, though her hand went right through his ghost.
"Don't you dare," she threatened. "You're the last person that should be talking to him… Besides, he needed to spend time with his father. So, no, I'm not taking that away from him."
"Suit yourself," Luke answered with a ghostly shrug next to her. "But you should still prepare him for what he's about to face… Han was… one thing. You're entirely another. He's never had to deal with this before."
Leia pressed her lips together and held her head high, though her spirit hung heavy.
"Some things never change," she whispered.
Another panicked crackle fizzled through her transmitter. The sounds were garbled and incoherent, but the message was clear. Leia could sense the collective fear rising in her ranks. Whatever they had just received, it wasn't going to be good.
"General, come quickly," Lieutenant Connix's voice rang through the transmitter more urgently than before, "You need to hear this."
Exchanging mournful glances with her twin brother, Leia stood up slowly, listening to her old bones creak and groan as she did.
"I've been doing this for forty years now. I'm tired, Luke," she said before she marched out of her quarters towards the command center.
xx
The irony of the situation was astounding. Since the moment Leia arrived with her son to the Rebel base on Ajan Kloss, her forces had mocked and ridiculed him nearly to breaking point. They wouldn't give him the chance to earn their trust, simply because he was their former enemy. Now, Leia was witnessing her same forces laughing and embracing him as one of their own. At least for now. The whiplash was enough to make anyone dizzy.
Leia marched in the direction of the raucous crowd, ready to shatter everyone's fun. Snap Wexley and Lando trailed loyally behind her, all the way from the command center. Approaching the scene, they found Ben and Rey tangled up with each other on the ground with Poe and several others, laughing as though they had forgotten they were about to embark on a deadly mission. She felt a tinge of jealousy at their youthful naivety and instantly missed how Han had once been able to make her forget the dangers of their own missions.
As soon as she opened her mouth, Leia's presence commanded their attention as she spoke firmly and without sugar-coating anything.
"Hate to cut everyone's fun, but this isn't a vacation."
Rebels clambered to stand at attention at the sound of their General's command. Ben was the last one to get back on his feet.
"We've just decoded a high-priority transmission from the First Order. They're making their final approach to Exegol. We have less than twenty-four hours to intercept their command frigate before they reach the Emperor, and attacks on all free-worlds will begin."
A grave-like silence fell over the immediate area; their fun was over. Blank faces glanced nervously at each other as they quickly realized the gravity of the situation and returned to their duties. There was no more time to waste.
"Well, quit standin' around and lookin' at each other! Make it count, everyone!" Leia ordered as they all scrambled to resume mission preparations. "And somebody put that flag back where it belongs!"
Ben and Rey stood back from the others, awaiting further instructions. The dyad knew they were different from the rest and despite how much neither of them wanted to be singled out among the crowd for specialized missions, they knew they were unique in this war. Lando immediately engaged in conversation with Rey, while Ben worked his way through the crowd to seek out his mother. Her back was turned to him and she was beginning to walk away with Lieutenant Connix.
"Hey ma," Ben called to her, unwilling to let his concerns go unaddressed.
Leia dismissed her lieutenant as Ben pulled his mother aside to ask her questions that had been niggling in the back of his mind for weeks now. The fact that they were intercepting First Order transmissions indicated they had a source; otherwise they would've never found the correct frequency to follow. The First Order put out thousands of frequencies for their legions to follow; but two-thirds of those frequencies were phony and designed to throw the Resistance off the scent.
"How'd you know about my red lightsaber being traced?" He asked cautiously, "And what about this transmission; did you check out all the channels to make sure this isn't a trap?"
A shadow of irritation passed across her features. Leia wasn't one for revealing classified information unless it was on a need to know basis. She knew her son wasn't stupid; he knew something was going on behind his back.
"Mom?" Ben pressed her further, sensing she was holding back. At this point, Ben knew she was keeping something big from him. "Who's your source?"
Leia groaned. She was facing down a no-win situation no matter what she said or did. Ben's anger escalated the longer she delayed; she could see it in his unguarded face.
Ben tried to pry into her mind to find the answers he sought, but Leia resisted his childlike attempts, firmly reminding him of how rude that was.
"You know who it is," his deep voice uttered with a profound sense of urgency, unfazed by her attempts at discipline. "Tell me; we might not be able to trust them."
She knew before she opened her mouth again that his reaction wasn't going to be pretty. Resigned to her defeat, Leia told him the source of all their intel came from inside the upper ranks of First Order.
"It's General Hux. He's been spying for us since after the Battle of Crait."
Ben's seemingly permanent scowl darkened even further. Of course it had to be Hux. He should've have been surprised to hear the General's name associated with this. But then again, he wondered if Hux had ever been surprised to learn of Kylo Ren's desertion. Regardless of how true his mother's words were, dark thoughts dripping with revenge suddenly consumed his mind. The General had stolen his saber and tampered with it—all for the sake of trying to get even in some childish game Snoke forced them to play. Ben didn't believe Hux's innocence for a second; Hux was only doing this for personal gain and not because he actually wanted to aid the Resistance.
Leia began to chuckle as she tapped a ringed finger onto her son's chest, bringing him back to reality. "And, boy, does he have a beef with you."
xx
Rey had stepped away with Lando, Finn, and the others to discuss the latest developments in the struggle against the First Order. Their spirits had not been dampened by Leia's news, and while they knew there was still work to do, they needed to be around each other. As the group continued to disperse, one of the former stormtroopers came up and asked for someone to identify names to go with faces. Beaumont eagerly responded, pointing out to the newcomers who was who among the Rebel forces as they passed through the ship yard.
"That's Poe Dameron, one of our top pilots and sometimes test pilot for whatever new shit Klaud comes up with… uh, that's Snap Wexley, and that's Lieutenant Connix," he said as he waived stupidly at her.
"Hey there."
Connix was oblivious to their presence from her perch on the large utility speeder, her back was turned to them as she bent over to help pilots transferring small gear boxes from one speeder into another.
Finn and Rose rolled their eyes at each other as they watched Beaumont practically drool before they moved on.
"Who's that talking to General Organa?" They asked Beaumont, who was barely paying attention anymore. The former trooper pointed at the pair talking a few meters away.
"That big guy over there? That's Ben Solo, formerly Kylo Ren. He defected from the First Order not too long ago."
"That's putting it very lightly," said Rey in hushed tones only for her and Rose's amusement.
But Finn nudged Rey's arm, ignoring Beaumont and pointing at Ben, watching as he turned away from Leia quicker than TIE-fighter dodging an X-wing's blaster attack. Something she'd said had set him off again.
"That can't be good," said Finn, knowingly. "C'mon lets go talk to her."
xx
Alone in the Jedi training grounds deep in the jungle, Ben was stewing over the latest news. Something about this arrangement Hux had with his mother didn't sit well with him. There's no way that slimy little ferret had wiggled his way into his mother's good graces and became a legitimate spy for the Resistance while still within the First Order. Hux was like a window; you could see right through him, even without using the Force. The other generals should've sniffed out his treachery in minutes. He always knew those generals were worthless—loyal to the cause—but worthless. He expected too much of them, even now.
When Kylo Ren had appointed himself as the new Supreme Leader, Hux's childlike tantrums and lack of cooperation were insufferable—and rendered him useless to Ren. He had used Hux like a pawn, the way Hux had often used him to gain favor with Snoke, and now it seems that pawn was coming back with a vengeance.
Unsure of why he came here, Ben had looked for an escape in the jungle. The sting of nostalgia permeated the Jedi training course as Ben looked around, identifying all of the training elements placed around the area meant to test and build the strength and fortitude of each participant. It bitterly reminded him of Luke's academy, where he had mastered these infantile courses with ease.
The old Kylo Ren would have ripped out his lightsaber and thrashed through everything in his path until his rage abated. Allowing his anger to fill him up, Ben stood on a cliffside, unlatched his lightsaber from his belt and stared at the sleek, metal weapon in his hand for several minutes. Ben had already made up his mind—Hux was not going to make it off that frigate alive.
xx
Finn marched towards Leia with a sinking feeling in his gut that something was on the verge of exploding. Rey in tow, Finn asked Leia for a minute with them before she set off again.
"What did you tell him?" Finn asked, worried. Leia threw her hands up in mock defense, ready to be done with it all. She was so tired of conflict.
"We watched him storm off, and, well… he's gotten better about that since he's been here. At least not the way he used to." Finn cringed internally as flashbacks of his first deployment to Jakku came back to him. Kylo Ren's ruthlessness was well known among the troopers, and everyone knew to steer clear of the dark acolyte.
Rey nodded her head in sober agreement.
Though she appreciated Finn's observations, Leia looked up solemnly at the taller young man, shaking her head.
"Sometimes what we want to know isn't always what we want to hear," Leia answered.
Finn thought she was being as clear as mud, but he tried to be patient. He'd since learned that whenever General Organa was being difficult and cryptic, she was trying to teach him something. Her methods of education were a stark contrast to those of the First Order, and while they took some getting used to, he definitely preferred her methods. She made him feel like he had worth, which is leagues more than what the First Order could ever do.
Rey turned to her mentor next, her curiosity equally unsatisfied.
"I told him the truth. And he's finding it just as difficult to take as nearly everyone else on this base did when I first brought him here," said Leia as she pointed a finger at Finn. "General Hux is a spy for the Resistance. He's been feeding us legitimate intelligence, fully aware of the risks he's taking to do so."
Finn scoffed, "That traitorous weasel, I don't believe it."
Leia passed a sharp, judgmental glare at the young man who was once a stormtrooper under Hux's command.
"You're one to talk, my boy," laughed Leia, breaking the escalating tension.
But Finn could only walk away, stewing in his disbelief just as Ben had moments ago. She understood that the subject in question was difficult to trust, and that it would be a lot to ask both Ben and Finn to suddenly put their faith in another turncoat, especially one that caused them both so much trouble.
Finally, Leia turned to the quiet girl standing nearby who was awaiting further assurances. Her face was still flushed rosy pink from earlier, though her expression was set like stone, determined to press on. Rey believed in others so readily; it would've been cruel for Leia to keep this from her.
"Give him time. Ben will come around when he's ready," Leia said gently.
Recalling weeks ago when Ben said the exact same thing about his mother, Rey just sighed, somewhat sad as she crossed her arms. She had the look of someone who bore a heavy burden, and wasn't likely to release it anytime soon.
"Does he know yet?" Leia asked quietly, her eyes downcast. A sly, knowing grin spread to the corners of her mouth.
Rey looked up at her in shock; she hadn't told a soul, firmly keeping her own secret sealed safe in the vault of her mind. She didn't know how Leia found out, but suspected the wise, older woman didn't need any help guessing.
Rey shook her head 'no,' wrapping her arms protectively around herself and feeling as though so much more was at stake now.
xx
Once Ben had slowed down enough to think about all the drastic changes that have happened to him within the past several weeks alone—from abandoning the entire structure of the dark and painful world he used to know; to learning Snoke had been the Emperor's puppet, and now this; his rival had turned into a wildcard, becoming a traitor to the First Order just as he did—he let it get to him.
Nearly everyone on this miserable jungle planet second-guessed him, waiting for him to fail. He could see it in their eyes, even through a smile. They still feared him, no matter what he did or how he behaved to try to convince them otherwise.
Everyone but Rey.
He hoped to include his mother in that category, too, but he doubted his intuition when it came to Leia. He wanted to prove himself changed once and for all; so no more doubt would linger behind her eyes every time she looked at him.
A single moment of weakness allowed all these things to suddenly crash down, breaking something delicate within him.
His pulse began to race as he tore a path straight for the training course, running with unnatural strength up tall trees and engaging with the training obstacles, fighting with furious ease through the challenges that were clearly set up for beginners. Ben desperately needed an outlet—a safe one, away from Rey and his mother and her Rebels. He thrashed unabatedly through the course with his new lightsaber, tearing through anything and everything in his path.
After a few, brief rage-filled minutes, the damage from his lightsaber was everywhere. The training course was completely demolished. His anger only somewhat quenched, he found himself heaving to catch his breath in the dense, humid air. Ben surveyed the destruction he'd caused and felt the guilt rise like bile in his throat for ruining something Rey had worked so hard to build.
He feared how she would react, let alone what she would think of him once she saw the damage.
"Why is this so hard?" Ben roared, the anger thickening in his broken voice. The hollow sound echoed over the cliffside, causing nearby birds to stir from their distant perches in the trees.
The birds momentarily distracted him from his frustration, listening to the fluttering of their feathered wings dissipate as the tiny specks of their fleeing bodies faded from his sight. Ben felt the Force surround and uplift him like an ocean wave, when suddenly, a calm and unfamiliar voice emerged through the ether. It sounded close, as if it was coming from right behind him. The voice banished the creeping darkness surrounding Ben as it spoke and sent a jolt of emotional energy through his core.
"Life is a struggle… but in the struggle, we become better."
Ben spun around to find a young man—no, a Force ghost—dressed in full Jedi robes, and as tall and broad shouldered as himself. When the man winked mischievously at Ben, he noticed he had a vertical scar over his right eye. He smiled proudly at Ben before he disappeared, leaving the living behind with more questions than answers.
xx
When Ben returned to camp via the ship yard, everyone gave him a wide berth. Mechanics halted their transports mid way through the passages, just to turn around or veer off into a different direction. The Rebels were avoiding him like a disease. Despite this, he kept trudging through base, determined not to let it get to him again. With a trace of shame, Ben knew it was only because he wasn't using his head. He was still acting like the mindless, tantrum-prone child Snoke had trained him to be.
The small, yet dominating figure of Maz Kanata came wheeling around a corner and marched straight for Ben. Clearly, she had been looking for him, waiting to pounce.
"Oh, here it comes," he whispered as he braced himself for the full force of Maz's temper about to be unleashed on him. He could feel it humming through the Force as she marched towards him.
When Maz entered within arm's-reach of him, she snatched his newly-built lightsaber from his belt and angrily threw it to the ground at his feet. If she could've reached it, she would've slapped the back of his head, too.
"A youngling is more deserving of this than you!" Maz shouted, pointing a small and accusatory finger at him.
Ben flinched at the harshness of her words, feeling ashamed that he had misused her gift.
"Remember where your strength should come from; hate and anger are a finite and exhausting source of power," Maz said as she motioned for him to come closer. Then, Ben willingly dropped to his knees so he was eye to eye with the elder sage. She placed one small hand on his massive shoulder to steady herself. She was nearly out of breath from berating him.
"You must tap into your feelings, search the Force and find your balance. I know that your anger is strong, but you must find the strength not to let it overcome you anymore. It takes a different kind of strength to forgive—especially when you must forgive yourself."
"What—I don't need to," Ben interrupted her, but she pressed her small hand against his mouth until he stopped talking.
"Hush! I once saw this in your grandfather, and now I see it in you."
Suddenly, Ben's blood ran cold as he finally realized whose ghost he had met in the jungle. He felt like a fool for not realizing it sooner.
"Oh fuck, that was him!" He gasped under Maz's fingers, feeling even more like an idiot.
Maz took another deep breath rearing to continue her reprimand, but Ben suddenly slumped to the ground, nothing but dead weight in his shock. His jaw hung open and his dark eyes were distant, searching out something that was far from here.
While watching him, a flicker of understanding reached Maz's better senses before she acted on impulse. Her round eyes softened behind her thick spectacles when she figured out he had made the connection at last. Her shoulders relaxed and she let her hand fall from where it had tried to silence him.
"Yes, child. Finally, you know your true grandfather. Not the creature behind the mask."
Ben looked up at her sharply. He felt a burning sense of deja vu in hearing those words again.
"You've both made mighty mistakes, but you must not dwell on what you cannot fix. Come now." Maz tried to help Ben stand upright again, but because of his sheer size and weight, her efforts looked like that of a Porg trying to push a boulder uphill.
"That was him," Ben whispered to himself, still reckoning from the brief visitation.
Since he was very young, Ben had heard stories of the legend of Darth Vader. He remembered well his own young pride of learning he was the descendant of such a legend.
But, Ben never knew the man that was his grandfather. He only knew the legends.
He saw the parallels between himself and Vader as plain as day, but never realized how much hurt it caused his family to watch him follow the same path. But even then, after Vader had become a legend, it was still only because he was the Emperor's puppet. And now, Ben could relate even more, but not in the ways his foolish younger self would have wanted.
Giving up trying to move the immoveable, Maz placed a gentle hand on his shoulder and stared intently at the troubled young son of one of her closest allies. Once again, Ben felt like he was being actively dismantled by her penetrating stare, but felt as though his very soul was being comforted this time, rather than judged.
"Do not give in to the darkness, child. Find your balance. And do it quick because this mission cannot fail; the galaxy is counting on it."
xx
Poe stood alone in the intersection of the many paths mechanics and other pilots were scrambling through, bumping into him as they passed without a second glance. Everyone was hustling to get their gear together before the rapidly approaching launch time.
"Ben So-lo!? Has anyone seen him?" Poe asked a couple of distracted mechanics as they walked by. "Anyone? Am I talking to a herd of Banthas, here?"
"Hey!" Rose called to Poe from around the landing gear of a nearby X-wing. She held a wrench in hand and used it to point east. "Maz had him— officer's quarters about twenty minutes ago!"
The ace pilot nodded and thanked her before running towards the bunkers. The Falcon was ready for launch; all she needed now was her crew. Poe looked down at his Chrono-meter to check the time, taking note of how long it had been since he last checked. The Rebels were running out of time if they wanted to intercept that frigate.
xx
All the bustle and activity was happening out in the ship yard, where Rey knew she should be, helping everyone prepare for the final mission. But Rey needed a quiet minute to herself before it was time to leave. She sat on the bed with her hands in her lap, staring at her palms and dwelling on the past several weeks, feeling her heartbeat thrum in her ears.
These past few, yet eventful weeks had brought a whirlwind of welcome change into her life, more than any in the past year alone. But, life on Jakku had taught her the hard lesson that all good things come at a price, and Rey feared there would be a terrible price to pay in order to keep everything she's gained.
The Force was still mysterious to her, but one thing was clear; it demanded balance.
"You're trembling," said Ben softly.
Rey jumped at the sound of his voice; lost in her thoughts, she hadn't heard him come in. Ben loomed large in the doorway, hands braced on either side of the frame as he stared sympathetically at her. Rey quickly hid her hands and acted as if nothing was wrong.
"Ben," she said by way of greeting, but her voice was shaky. She hadn't seen him since this morning, but judging by the looks of him, something had obviously happened since then.
The first thing Rey noticed was the invasive smell of smoke and a scorched earthiness mingling with his scent in the small room, then found all the smeared grey ash on his black clothes and in his hair. It vividly reminded her of how he looked that day in Snoke's throne room, when he killed his former master. The smell of scorched Plastisteel and fabric from the Praetorian guards' armor mingled with smoke from the fires they started were imprinted on her memory. Though she could hardly believe this was the same scenario today.
"What happened to you?" She asked, still looking him over for anything else amiss.
He said nothing as he swept into the small room and knelt down in front of her. He wrapped his huge arms snugly around her waist and took a deep breath, full of her, into his lungs. He could spend all day like this.
His voice was muffled against her shirt, but Rey heard him as clearly as ever.
"Too much, and not enough."
xx