As the water ran out, she heard voices in the other room. She wondered if Starbuck had been relieved from his watch of Jake to come and rescue her, but then she remembered the look of reproach he had cast her. He agreed with the Commander that it was long past time to talk about the events of the past. He wasn't going to come.

It was none of Adama's business what happened to her on the Zakar or on Dilmun. It wasn't even Starbuck's right to know and she'd sealed with him. She wasn't going to play this game and even if she did talk, they wouldn't understand. Both men were so wrapped up in that pathetic old Colonial Creed dictating that human life was sacred, that they wouldn't be able to even comprehend that some people were like rabid daggits; you just had to put them down. Dante and his lackey's actions were unforgivable, and she knew that Starbuck and Adama would come to the same conclusion about her resolutions to the problems. She'd made her peace with it before she acted. She didn't lose sleep over her decisions. Like the bodies, what she had done in response should remain buried in the past.

She stepped out of the turbo and struggled into her pants knowing soon it would be time to give up the regular uniform and switch to the coveralls of the flight deck crew that afforded her growing stomach more room. She had to settle for leaving the tunic untucked and a hair tie woven through the button hole to the button to hold her pants up. It was not how she wanted to face this, half dressed with her pants around her ankles. It served as a bitter reminder that she couldn't just grab a viper or a shuttle and fly away. Where could she go that might have decent medical care? She was going to need it for this delivery more than the others. All the blessings in her life came with complications.

Listening through the door, she heard one voice rise that was not Adama's. Curiosity got the better of her. She opened the door to find Dixon actually dressing down the Commander.

"You cannot order her to tell you anything and there is no legal action you can take if she lies or chooses to keep any information to herself. As her Commander, you can ask for the information and put her on report if she fails to comply, but you cannot force her to give you any information she doesn't want to."

"Then she will be on report until she is more forthcoming," Adama answered casting her a scowl as she entered the room. "I am not asking for the information as a form of punishment, but rather to get to the bottom of the problem and to stop further violence."

Dixon waved her over, pointing to a chair. Rene complied with the request taking the seat and noting that a drink was waiting for her. It didn't smell like fruit juice and she felt a bit better. Starbuck wasn't coming to her rescue, but it seemed Dixon was.

Better than the drink and the rescue was the shock Adama tried to hide at her following Dixon's orders without question. She gave the Commander a smug smile, but Dixon caught it.

"Do you want my help or not?" he asked gruffly. She dropped the grin and tried to remember the rules and regulations that Starbuck had insisted she read. It was a good memory, a night when Starbuck had taken a datapad to bed with them, trying to read passages to her as she teased him with kisses.

"You need to pay attention!"

He had tried to be stern with her, but his sing song voice as he read from the manual told her to keep going. "In the event of a tribunal, you will be provided with a protector. You will have twenty four centaurs, Rene, seriously, that tickles."

"Aren't you my protector?" she had purred while brushing her fingers up and down his chest. "I don't need to know all that, I just need to know you."

Dramatically he had tossed the datapad aside and recited from memory the next part, but all she could remember were the deep kisses he had given her as he quoted, "You have the right to see the evidence against you." He had raised an eyebrow challenging her as he rolled her to her back, pressing his body against hers. He kissed her deeply for almost a centon before pulling back. "You have the right to gather and present your own evidence." She had smiled seductively at that, reaching a hand down to stroke him and he dropped his mock indignation, smiling broadly. "That is very good evidence. You also have the right to remain silent, but I like it when you tell me what you want." His lips had been so sweet that night.

Dixon's voice jerked her from the memory. "And what if some of that information incriminates the Lieutenant in a crime, then what?" Dixon didn't wait for the Commander to answer. "As a civilian she can use statues from our laws to avoid consequences of self-recrimination, but as a warrior, those laws don't apply. Then what?"

"Colonial Military Code does not supersede basic human rights," Adama answered vaguely.

"Actually, according to the military regulation M-132, it does. Unless you have the writ from a military tribunal demanding her testimony, there is nothing she has to tell you."

The Commander who sighed loudly before softening his features. "This is a request, made in the best interest of her and her family. I can provide the writ guaranteeing none of the information will be used against her at a military or civilian tribunal. Will that satisfy you?"

Dixon shook his head. "Not really. I am a civilian psychiatrist, not a legal expert. It is up to her how we proceed from here." He turned to her. "At this point I actually recommend you follow your instinct from when we first met. Resign from the service."

When she had made the suggestion on the Zakar, she had been angry and not really in her right mind. She had tossed it out just to test and see how far she could push back, but since then, too many others had latched onto the idea to make it enviable now.

As Dixon suggested it now, she waited a micron or two to see if Adama would object, but he remained silent, not asking her to stay in the service or agreeing with the resignation. His face was as blank as the gray walls of the Galactica and unreadable. It raised her heart rate in alarm. But then his eyes turned soft, the fatherly guise falling into place, pleading with her to make the right choice. It struck a chord in her, and suddenly the desire to unburden her soul was a soft siren song echoing inside some dark chamber of her heart.

She found herself shaking her head. No, she couldn't tell the him her secrets. If Adama knew how many lives she had ended, how devious she could be, he would treat her differently. If Starbuck knew? She shuddered as she imagined her new husband's eyes turning from loving and trusting, to wary and suspicious. The only thing worse would be Apollo's judgement and how it could take her husband from her.

"You owe him," Starbuck's voice echoed in her mind. "If it weren't for Adama, the family would be in storage closets, or worse, you'd still be on Dilmun with the bastard." She shook her head, rejecting Starbuck's advice. She might owe the Commander some loyalty, but she wouldn't confess all her sins to him. She found she wanted the man's respect.

She pulled her eyes away from Adama, nearly cursing. She had let him see her weakness and it was a flaw many of the Rats had. They had all been fatherless, or worse, had a lousy one. Each of them had a desire for someone to fill the void in their lives. It didn't help any that Starbuck treated Adama like he was one of the Lords of Kobol and the commander called him son. Now she was actually seeking his approval and for reasons other than to please Starbuck. Could it be the fact that this fleet was larger, and yet Adama was able to maintain order and act as a protector and guardian for them all?

No, he was not a god, just a man. And Adama couldn't be her father. He already had kids and she would be where she was before, a charity case.

No, he was her Commander and it was time to remind him of those boundaries. She looked to Dixon. "They won't let me fly if I do. Civilians don't get to own vipers," she answered.

"They aren't letting you fly now." Dixon stated the obvious.

"I am trying to think about the future," she replied.

"As am I," Adama said without hesitation. "We need to break the patterns of the past."

It was an effort to not look at Adama. By the tone of his voice she knew he would have the same look she often saw burning in Starbuck's eyes, a blaze of righteous indignation that burned brighter by the true belief that he could fight evil single handed. On Starbuck, the conviction was touching and made her love him all the more. But on Adama she thought it insipid, making the Commander into a daft old man.

How could he fail to understand what she had grasped at an early age that evil wasn't just one person, or even just a few that could be rounded up, punished and forced to change their ways. It resided in everyone and needed very little encouragement to grow. The Commander was educated. He had seen the twelve worlds and more. Yet he naively acted like he hadn't even been at the destruction of their worlds when she knew damn well he'd had a ring side seat. For Sagan's sake, he had even watched those old idiots sign the peace accord. How could he not have known? Was it something that happened when you grew white hair, you lost the ability to recognize evil when it came cloaked in the guise of peace?

No, Apollo and Boomer, hades even Starbuck had the same problem and they were far from old. It wasn't a Colonial Warrior trait, at least not the ones she had met in Dante's fleet. Bojay and Sheba didn't have that problem either. So why did those closest to the Commander lose their minds? Even Nik was beginning to be swayed to Adama's ideals. Was it like with Dante, if you mimicked his words and actions you earned more privileges? That was true with Dante, but she knew it wasn't true of Adama. He was fair and honest.

"Frak, now I'm doing it," she mumbled.

Dixon shot her a concerned look, but she shook her head at him. Dixon read her mind, sensed that she might be willing to share some information, and he spun back to Adama.

"I need some assurances this will not be used in a tribunal. The methods I am going to use aren't allowed in civilian trials. And," he held up a hand as Adama began to speak, "I'm only doing this because Rene needs to deal with her past, not for vindication or reprisals. She and I will decide what information you receive and how it is used, understood?"

Adama took a deep breath before nodding. "Understood. My goal is to put a stop to the abuse of my warriors and to protect the citizens of the fleet. I was told you hold the same desires, and I trust that you will know what needs to be done."

Adama turned away from Dixon and took a step towards her as she resisted the urge to bolt from her chair. He only took two paces, then halted as his features softened. "You are part of my family. I will protect you as best I can, but I need to know where the monsters are hiding before I can vanquish them."

She nodded, thought of a thousand sarcastic quips to fling at him, but couldn't do it. Adama didn't understand that he was lying. He believed his words, but she knew it was impossible. The Commander couldn't even keep them safe from the enemy outside the fleet, how could he keep them safe from the ones already amongst them.

She looked to Dixon who nodded as if he knew what she was thinking. She turned back to Adama who was waiting for her answer. "Without the Cylons, none of this would have occurred. Stick to fighting them for now. I will take care of the rest."

Relief washed over Adama's features as he assumed her words meant that she would tell Dixon everything.

"Thank you." He nodded before turning for the door, but Dixon stepped to block his exit.

"Sir, there is something you have failed to recognize in Rene and her friends. I think this is as good a time as any to warn you of that oversight."

"Oversight?" Adama puzzled over the word.

"How many complications would you have had if Dante had lived? Would you have been able to deal with all the issues and integrate his warriors as easily as you have?"

Adama stepped back in surprise. The Commander spun his head to look to Rene, back to Dixon, and back again, before squaring his shoulders and addressing Dixon. "Innumerable complications, but if you are asking for my gratitude at the man's death then I am afraid…"

Dixon cut him off. "The Rats are problem solvers, and perhaps the best kind. They will resolve issues that you aren't even aware you have, and they will take whatever means necessary to see that they are solved forever. Do you understand?"

"What are you suggesting? I let the Copper Squadron resolve this as they have in the past and I let the bloodshed continue?"

Dixon shrugged. "Isn't putting Warriors on the prison barge a kind of death? No, what I'm saying is that I think you have failed to recognize how creative and capable the Rats are at getting what they want. They've been underestimated in the past and it has led to tragedy. Do you understand?"

The air in the small room crackled with the intensity of Adama's admonishing gaze. Rene almost muttered a prayer of thanks that the Commander didn't shift his stare to her. The microns stretched before Adama broke the connection of whatever secret conversation he and Dixon were having. He nodded sagely. "I'm beginning to, but I can't help them find more peaceful options if I don't know who and what I am dealing with."

By the scowl on his face, it was not the answer Dixon wanted, but he moved aside to let the Commander leave the chambers. He turned towards her and took the other seat at the table, pulling out a recorder. He didn't turn the recorder on, just set the device on the table between them before leaning back.

"Stop grinning," he said.

It was a bad habit that others had tried to beat out of her. Everyone was right, she was a bad winner. She wiped the grin from her features. "What now?"

"This is up to you. I think it would be good for you to talk about secrets you have kept too long," Dixon said softly, almost in a whisper.

The words shredded the last of her grin as she met his eyes. They were dark and deep, the eyes of a man who knew more about tragedy than any soul should. It was what they had in common, she supposed as she sighed. "It won't change what has happened or what may happen."

"Actually, it might. I am going to use hypnosis to get at the truth you refuse to admit."

"Hypnosis?" She felt a chill crawl up her spine as the image of the rods of the Cylon mind probe descended upon her. "No." She shook her head violently as she felt the grip of the centurions threatening to crush her arms.

"It's not what you think. It doesn't work like they show in the vids."

"I don't care. I've had enough things messing with my mind. I don't need you doing it too." She reached for the drink and downed it before meeting his gaze again.

He quirked an eyebrow as he asked, "Does that include all the things you do to yourself?"

She slammed the glass down on the table as she got to her feet. "I need to get back to Jake."

"Sit back down and save the drama for the IFB."

She growled, but sat back down wondering if Dixon had already planted a subliminal command in her head that made her do what he told her to do. Like hades was she going to admit to him or to herself that talking with him actually made things better. But since he already knew most of her darkest thoughts, she might as well tell him all her secrets. She could kill him later if he violated her trust.

"You know that talking about it will make it easier to live with, that's why you're staying and doing this," he stated, reading her mind again.

"But Jake…."

He cut her off. "They'll come get you if something important happens. Now get comfortable and start at the beginning." He reached out to turn on the recorder.

She sat there trying to think of a way out of this. Dixon allowed her a moment before he got up, headed into the food prep area, coming back with a bottle of ambrosia. He poured her another drink, but as she reached out to take the glass, he spoke.

"Leave it on the table. We will use it as your focal point."

Rene shook her head, wondering herself why she couldn't rebel against this man like she did all the others. "This isn't going to help anyone. I don't know who did it, and if I had to guess, it's people who are already dead."

Dixon took on his doctor demeanor. It was a calm pond that the rocks she hurled in frustration wouldn't even ripple. "You don't think it was anyone who made it to the fleet? What about Pallus?"

Shaking her head, she grumbled again, "Maybe, but this isn't going to help anyone." She looked to the glass as she debated reaching out for the bottle.

"When we're done."

She shivered at the uncanny way he knew her thoughts, and also at the fact that she found it more comforting than unsettling. Dixon had become a part of her world, maybe more a member of the family than Adama or Apollo ever would be.

"Why didn't you come to the party?" she asked, suddenly hurt by the revelation that she hadn't seen him there, and she had looked for his familiar face in the crowd.

"We're too close already," his soft voice sounded regretful.

"Yeah, I guess. So you know everything already and we don't need to do this," she replied finding her escape route and taking it.

"Yes, and no. You've told me what you have dealt with on the Zakar, but what you haven't talked about is probably more urgent right now. We can deal with the humans in your life, but the rest," he paused before reaching out for the recorder and flicking it on. "This is for me, not them," he said waving a hand at the device, "I want to be able to remember all that we discuss. I did what you said to do and summoned him. He…he answered." Dixon's normally steady voice trembled.

Rene leaned towards him. "And what do you think he is?"

"The Count and I had an interesting conversation. You're right, he appears as human, but I don't think you are correct in that he is a god or a demon. I hold with Adama's opinion that he might be an entity from a more advanced civilization. I saw him before when he was in the fleet. His intent I think is more selfish than evil, which begs the question, what does he need us for, or more specifically you?"

Rene's mind ran over all the implications of Dixon's account. In all her yahrens of dealing with the Count, no one else had seemed to see him until the Galactica came along. She had gotten the story about their first encounters with Iblis from Starbuck in bits and pieces, but he was hesitant to talk about the events surrounding Iblis and the ship of lights. She didn't know if that was because the story ended with Apollo's death, or if it was that it came too close to him giving her the coordinates for Earth. Starbuck had equated Rene finding Earth with the idea of her leaving him for good. It was untrue. If she went anywhere, especially to Earth, he'd be coming with her.

She sat back at the revelation. She couldn't go forward without Starbuck by her side, and that limited her options. Was that love, realizing you can only go in one direction and your choices are few?

She felt Dixon's eyes upon her, and met them again. "Iblis wants something from me, but I think the bigger question is why he can't do it for himself. Why does he need not just me, but the fleet? I can't figure it out, but I'm not sure I can say no for much longer."

"Then why can't we say yes?" Dixon asked. The words slid down her spine like cold water.

She found herself shaking her head again. "It just doesn't feel right. I don't know why, it just…" she shook her head chasing the idea away. "You think hypnotizing me is a good idea now that you have summoned him?"

"Yes, because you are right. He can't enter your mind unless you let him. He disappeared when I denied him. He needs us to want him, to need him."

She winced. "I think I might need him."

"And that is what we need to deal with, why you think you need him and what he may have done to you and for you. You want freedom don't you?"

She swallowed down the desire to run as he offered her what she truly desired, to be free to make her own decisions without feeling she owed someone or something the lives of those she loved. She nodded, not trusting her voice to answer.

"Then lean back, get comfortable, and look into the glass on the table. Really look at its contents, the swirls of color." His voice took on soothing tones and she found herself following it down into the depth of the glass before things became blurry and then she slipped away.

She woke to the snap of his fingers, feeling surprisingly refreshed as if she had slept for eight centaurs or more. For some reason she expected her chambers to look different, brighter maybe. It took a moment before she realized it was the sense of relief, as if the weight of guilt had been lifted from her shoulders and she could take a deep breath. She felt the need to check a chrono as a sense of urgency returned. She needed to get back to Jake.

"It's only been a centaur," Dixon said.

"Oh, uh, that was interesting," she said, wondering what she had said as she had no memory of the last centaur.

"Yes, it was," Dixon reached for the recorder, shutting it off. He put it in his pocket and stood up preparing to leave..

"Don't I get to listen to it?" she asked, standing, thinking they should maybe talk about what she had said, or what it all might mean.

"Later, not today. I need time to process what we talked about, but I do have some advice based on what you told me," he said, his eyes looking at her warily. He asked her a question rather than providing advice. "Of all the people you have killed, which one bothers you the most?"

The sense of relief was washed from the room by a tidal wave of regret. She choked, trying to draw air as she felt herself go under. She reached out to grab the table as the word escaped as a mere whisper, "Ari."

"You didn't kill him," Dixon stated, but the words weren't true. She shook her head, then froze as Dixon stepped towards her and wrapped his arms around her. He pulled her close as he leaned down, his voice low and directly in her ear.

"You didn't kill the others either, even though you called on him to help you. He did. He doesn't need you, you need him."

The truth of Dixon's statement jolted through her like the energy Iblis had shot at her. She felt it enter her, settling into her heart, crackling with its potential. She could use him, like she had before.

She pulled back in surprise, but Dixon held on, pulling back only enough to meet her eyes. "Not yet. Wait. That's my advice. Wait until we know just where we can use him best to save us all. Can you do that? Can you promise me?"

She nodded earnestly. "Yes."

He let go then, looking away in embarrassment, acting as if he was about to apologize. "I'll call on you later today, but we should see if your friend wants to talk about what happened." Uncharacteristically, Dixon mumbled the words as he made for the exit. "You'll be okay."

She felt the waters of guilt recede.

In their wake a new sense of hope began to creep in. "Yeah, I think I will be."