Chapter 24: Emotional Conflict
It was a tremendous shock when Hans woke up that morning. He was so accustomed to feeling Anna's weight pressing into him as well as the body heat radiating off of her. It was such a natural and comfortable way to wake up. Instead, he found himself seemingly alone and freezing. Just sitting up enough to glance down his body, he noticed that all of the heavier bedding that covered him during the night was gone and all that remained to keep him warm was a mere fraction of the thin bed sheet. His brow furrowed, as he was still a bit groggy, and he flopped back against his pillow with a sigh. Movement to his right caught his eye, and when he slowly turned his head in that direction, the sight before him made him groan. He wasn't alone after all. Anna was still in bed with him, wrapped up in so much of the bedding that Hans could barely see her. The only thing to give her away was some of her hair fanned wildly all over her pillow.
He stared at her for a few minutes and wondered why she decided to cocoon herself away instead of laying with him as she always had done. It couldn't possibly be more comfortable being suffocated and buried under all of that… that fluff.
There didn't seem to be an easy way to reclaim any of the bedding back to his side without disturbing her, so he decided that now was as good a time as any to get up and start the day. A quiet groan and stiff stretch later, and Hans was up on his feet. As he reached for his waistcoat and cravat, he glanced back over his shoulder towards the bed. His mind began to race as he tried not to make Anna's actions out to be a personal attack against him. After all, she could've had a particularly good reason to roll off of him in the middle of the night. And steal the blankets.
Was it something I've done? He pondered. He didn't recall acting improperly towards her yesterday. And if he did anything overnight, he certainly didn't remember. He was asleep. And with Anna stretched out all over him, it was a bit hard for him to do much of anything besides simply lay there.
Once the neckwear was tied, he sighed and rubbed a hand down his face. He immediately recoiled back with disgust. His mouth twisted into a frown as he moved around the bedroom to stand before the small square mirror hanging on the wall. The reflection staring back at him was unpleasant to say the least.
God, I look hideous.
This was the first time in several days that Hans took the opportunity to take a good look at himself. Dressing and undressing was hardly a difficult task, and his fingers were always able to comb down his hair from any potentially wild bedhead. But now he could really see how different he looked. The short stubble that he had grown accustomed to early on in the trip was long gone and replaced with a much fuller beard.
No wonder Anna wants me to get rid of this. It's revolting… he grimaced. I look like my father. It's like a worst nightmare come true. His eyes shifted on the glass to get a partial glimpse of the bundled mass on the bed. Maybe that's why she got away from me. I'd be terrified, too, if I woke up right next to a monster.
A quick check of his pocket watch showed it still being fairly early. Knowing Anna, she wouldn't be up for quite a while. Without a second thought, he made himself look as presentable as possible before quietly heading downstairs, grabbing his overcoat, and heading outside. The morning air was colder than Hans expected, and he shoved on his gloves. Once the front door was locked up tight, he set off down the dirt path to the road leading to the village. It wasn't a long journey. Within about fifteen minutes, he had made it to the far edges of town. Timing couldn't be better. As he rounded the corner onto the main street, he caught sight of the locals starting to open up their shops.
Hans was never more thankful that he held more self-control than Anna. The bakery was just a few feet ahead, and the smells of fresh bread were a real delight to his senses. If it weren't for all of the pastries that he had bought yesterday, he would have considered making a detour on his return route. But there were still a few treats left over to have for breakfast. They would have to do-so long as Anna would be kind enough to share them. As he passed the storefront, he held in his breath until he was a safe distance away, then let out a large exhale. There would be no unnecessary temptations this morning.
The Barber Shop wasn't open yet, so he sat down on the bench outside to wait. To pass the time, he decided to watch people go by. The produce vendor across the street was filling his sidewalk stand, a florist stood by her cart watering her plants, and around them were men and women starting to fill the streets and take care of their morning errands. Oh, how he envied them all. Simple people living out their very ordinary, mundane lives. There was a small military presence in the village, but it didn't seem to affect anyone's routines. Glorified police to stop petty thieves or handle disputes, not much more.
Hans sighed, his thoughts drifting briefly to part of a conversation he shared with Anna yesterday. He could easily picture himself walking among them, holding an honest, dignifying position in a quiet corner of a kingdom, somewhere immune to the stresses and dangers of political alliances. Somewhere far from the influences of his elder brothers.
Imagine being able to actually do something meaningful with my life… He thought to himself, …or even having a life of my own to do with as I please. I could have a tiny but modest home in a small provincial town… or even on a farm… with a wife and children of my own. A simple life with its simple pleasures…. He averted his gaze down towards his lap as a couple walked by, and a sigh escaped his lips. At this stage, this insane adventure with Anna will end up being the final highlight of my life… and half of this isn't even real.
He rubbed his forehead. Some road-not-taken this is turning out to be. It's saddled with one very distinct dead end, and every day brings it closer and closer. What will I have to look forward to then? At best, I might be able to manage some peace at home if Charlotte can sing enough of my praises to Frederick and the others. Otherwise… He shuddered to even think about it.
"Greetings, friend!" A pleasant voice sounded just to Hans' left. He glanced up to see a man standing beside the shop door with a set of keys in his hand. "Sorry to keep you waiting. I don't usually have customers lined up first thing in the morning. C'mon in! You'll be much better waiting inside than out here in the cold."
Hans nodded and followed the barber inside. The interior wasn't exceptionally large. There was only room for two people to be assisted at once. He was glad he decided to show up early. If he came later, there could be a long wait to be served.
"Go ahead and have a seat," The barber said, "I'll just have to open up the back and I'll be right with you."
There was a coat rack close to the chair, so Hans took advantage of it before taking his seat. While he waited, all he could do was stare at his reflection in the mirror with a grim expression on his face. It really did look like his father was staring back at him—the late King Alexander with a terribly large frown surrounded by a long, copper beard, and cold green eyes that used to burn holes right into Hans' soul for any and every time that he did something unsavory growing up. Shivers went down his spine, and he could almost imagine his father's voice spewing one insult after another at him.
Why did I even do this to myself—
"Don't look so downcast, friend!" The barber had returned from the back room with an apron tied over his clothes and his tray of grooming tools in his hands. "We're just getting a haircut!"
Hans shifted his gaze in the mirror to watch the man set himself up. "Oh, believe me, I'm only glum because I look like a disaster from the depths of hell."
The barber laughed and grabbed a clean drape to cover up Hans' shoulders. "Oh, I don't know if I'd go that far, Herr…?"
"Wagner. Nikolai Wagner."
"—Herr Wagner. Don't get me wrong, you could definitely use a bit of a cut—in the front and back, but I've seen fellows come in here looking' like they haven't been groomed in over a year."
Hans chuckled softly. "Well, I suppose my hair could use a bit of a trim, too. But I'm really here for the beard," he sighed, "it has to go."
"Are you sure? You've got a good face for it."
"Absolutely." Hans nodded adamantly while one corner of his mouth twitched upwards, "my wife hates it."
"Ah…" the barber nodded and started prepping his soap. "The things we do for the fairer sex…"
"Yeah, well…" Hans sighed, "she cut me off from all forms of marital relations until I got rid of it, so here I am. Because I'd rather not spend the remainder of my marriage being banished to the sofa."
The barber burst into laughter and glanced at Hans' face in the mirror, "she hates it that much?"
"Trust me, she does." Hans ran his fingers along his chin before his face got all lathered up, "To be honest, I'm starting to hate it too, so I suppose this outing will work out for the both of us."
The barber nodded and moved in front with his bowl and brush. "So, what'll it be, Herr Wagner? Everything to go?"
The corner of Hans' mouth twisted upwards. "Actually, I was thinking about sideburns…."
Hans left the shop with a delighted look on his face. Finally, he felt and looked like himself again. Every so often, one of his hands would come up and rub at his chin and parts of his cheeks. It was such a pleasant sensation to feel smooth skin again. Of course, his face felt more of the cold now that most of the extra hair was gone, but it was something he would gladly endure and adjust to. His sideburns were back. That was all that mattered.
As he walked down the street, his mind started to wander. The closer he got towards the end of the street, the more his thoughts would focus on Anna. Was she okay? Was she even awake yet? She seemed to be in a pretty deep slumber when he got up this morning-not that that was really shocking. She was usually a pretty deep sleeper, especially in the early morning hours. But what got him all worked up inside was what she would say-or do- upon seeing his freshly shaven face.
The corner of his mouth twitched upwards as he reimagined how she caressed his cheek last night. Her sudden surge of affection and intimacy took him by surprise, and he allowed it to fill him with a type of warmth that he never thought he could or would feel again. The idea of being wanted by her… desired even… he would take every little bit that she would give him. And she certainly gave him plenty during their quiet pillow talk time. He was so certain that she was going to kiss him then. The way she stroked his face and gazed into his eyes… she was speaking to him in a new type of love language, one he had never seen before, not even from Marit to Nikki. It was something new. Something exciting.
There was a bench near the approaching street corner, so he took the opportunity to sit down and reflect for a few minutes. The working relationship he had with Anna had certainly gotten better as of late. They really seemed to fall into a comfortable rhythm. The aura between them started to feel as natural as the day they met. Hans enjoyed seeing this side of Anna again. It reminded him of the happier times when nothing else mattered but each other. Soon, it didn't only hit him when their alternate names were in use. There was no longer a distinct difference between the way they behaved around the Underground and Alvanian citizens, and the way they acted when they were alone. The line between fiction and reality was getting thinner with each passing day, and Hans didn't even pay it much mind until landing at Demeter's farm. That tender afternoon and evening spent playing house really cemented his belief that he could really make a living away from the glitz, glam, and stress of the Westergaard castle and be perfectly happy- even better to have Anna by his side. It really filled him with a sense of pride getting to be the man of the house for the day. He wanted more of it in his future- in their future.
He sighed loudly and raked his fingers through his hair in frustration. But that couldn't really happen. It would be too good to be true for anything to really come from this arrangement. If there was one constant in his life, it was that something so good… so pure could never happen to him. He had his chance at a meaningful life. A perfect life. And he ruined it years ago with a few choice words and horrific actions.
Before, there were times when he longed for them to be back in the early days of their escape, where arguments, insults, and general petty behavior ruled them from sunup to sun down. The rage she had towards him worked well to keep them grounded- keep him grounded. It was the unforgiving reminder that what existed between them was long gone. Unfortunately, a great many of their spats always seemed to hit a little too close to home and pull at his emotions, no matter how much he tried not to let it show. Every moment that pushed him away from her only reminded him of what was truly lost between them. In the end, though, his fractured relationship with Anna had to come second. He had to keep a level head and remember what was truly important. He had to stay focused and committed to the larger task at hand.
This plan was supposed to be simple. Rescue Anna. Cross the continent. Get home. Save Charlotte...
Yeah, right. Easier said than done.
He leaned all the way against the back of the bench and stared up at the puffy white clouds slowly moving across the sky. He expected the fair share of conflicts- run-ins with soldiers, bartering for information and the like. He even anticipated getting a fist or two clobbered into his face from having to deal with Anna and her hatred towards him. They had a history, after all. He broke her heart, and regardless of his reasons, he tried to kill her sister. There was no going back from that, no matter how much he regretted what was done. Thanks to him, he lost the affections and trust of the only girl who ever fancied him. Anna no longer loved him. She barely even tolerated him.
That was how it was supposed to be.
Nothing prepared him for the high levels of emotional turmoil that he was now forced to endure by her hand. The worst part was that he honestly believed she had no idea what she was doing to him. Coming to Rheland for the Fall Harvest Festival was a mistake, Hans knew that now. It was one giant, heart wrenching error of judgement.
A bit of laughter down the street got his attention, and he redirected his gaze to find the source. There was a man and woman standing near the florist's cart, hand in hand. He watched them for a few minutes. They were picking out different flowers, and the man even took one from her bunch and tucked it tenderly behind her ear. The purple petals fit in beautifully against the woman's light brown hair. Hans' eyebrows raised curiously as his eyes traveled to the man. He had dark curly hair with a rather confident air about him.
Courting so early in the day? This guy doesn't waste any time, does he?
Suddenly, his green eyes narrowed. The man looked a bit familiar, but he couldn't quite place where he saw someone like him before. Once the pair finished with their flowers and started to move down the street towards him, the man leaned down to whisper something in her ear. Hans resorted to briefly averting his gaze when the young woman stood on her tippy-toes to kiss her suitor. He didn't want to appear like a creep in case either of them caught sight of him looking.
A few minutes later, the pair happened to walk past Hans, and as he slowly turned his head to follow their movement, it suddenly struck him why that man seemed so familiar. The smile the man flashed to his beloved as they walked by sent a slight chill down Hans' spine. He'd seen a look like that before.
Prince Oscar….
Hans exhaled with a huff and crossed his arms over his chest. Just thinking about the crowned prince made his blood boil. In a way, he was the cause of so much of the turmoil Hans was feeling. Prince Oscar started it all with his desires to court the princess. His princess. The man was well within his rights to, of course, but the way he went about doing it made his stomach turn. Even if the man's affections towards Anna were honest and genuine, he still came off as a bit of a jerk. Flaunting his position, showing off, even the way he was bragging to his friends about Anna without her present. Though, nothing could top that immensely awkward conversation upon his first meeting with the crowned prince. Asking for courting advice… in hindsight, Hans would have easily done everything in his power to sabotage the man- indirectly of course. It could have saved Anna plenty during her stay. Oscar didn't deserve the bubbling, wondrous ray of sunshine that was Princess Anna.
And she certainly deserved better than the pompous ass that was Prince Oscar.
Except she didn't know that. To her, Oscar was like a walking god among men; an attractive, charming man of position… and… whatever else she truly believed about him. And it wasn't as if Hans were in a position to correct her. Assuming she even stopped to let him say his piece, she would have no reason to believe any of it. His concerns would only have been dismissed as being nosy and interfering.
Worse even… she'd accuse him of being jealous. And he was right- she did.
Jealousy. That word couldn't even begin to describe how he felt about Anna and Oscar. He vowed on day one to avoid them. He stayed close to Charlotte during many of her engagements. There were even several days where he lingered in the castle gardens or the stables when he knew the masses would be out roaming Oskberg; anything to not have to see the pair together. Many of his efforts were in vain. He often spotted the princess in the grounds with parchment in hand, though she didn't always notice him. And then the stables became a tainted safe place when he nearly walked in on her and Oscar about to passionately embrace right where he liked to sit.
That moment bothered Hans the most. It truly felt like one more thing that the crowned prince had stolen away from him. First it was the little things- the innocent things- the smiles that Anna gave Oscar were the same ones that she used to give him so long ago… with the delightfully pink-flustered cheeks and bright, sparkling blue eyes. Then it was the laughter… the reminiscence of pitched giggling that was like music in the night. The sheer attention that Oscar received from her throughout the festival seemed to increasingly devalue the very day he and Anna met… the attraction shared on a rickety row boat along with the most wondrous eve of splendor spent all to themselves. It no longer seemed intimate, no longer special. And then that kiss- had he actually caught them in the act, he was certain it would have broken him completely. To think that a man like Oscar could be taking such liberties so easily… so freely… while pretending to be the perfect gentleman while he was completely genuine with her and ultimately robbed of a kiss with his fiancée. All because he didn't want to be too forward. All because he wanted to do things the right way.
Where did that get him? What was his reward? Being the uncomfortable third wheel in a sisterly quarrel that fueled an unexpected magical blizzard. Getting thrust into a position he wasn't prepared nor immediately qualified for. Having to keep a kingdom-her kingdom- alive without her and being crucified in the process.
Feeling restless, he stood up and walked back along the street a bit deeper into town and stopped beside an empty storefront. He turned to stare at his reflection in the window and took in every little detail of his face- how his freshly styled hair and sideburns seemed to clash with the exhausted and defeated look in his own eyes and expression. He tried to remember how he appeared so long ago on that fateful eve of splendor- on a night where he was in his absolute prime. Was the best version of himself really that inferior to what Prince Oscar could possibly have offered her?
What if I became that man again… would Anna admire me for it? Would there be a chance to truly reconcile? For us to…, he swallowed, almost afraid to let the idea speak for itself, ...to fall in love? Again?
Was it even possible?
I don't want to lose her again, but I also don't want to ruin what little we've managed to salvage so far.
In the distance, Hans could hear a church bell ring for the new hour, and it suddenly dawned on him how long he had been in the village. The morning was passing by, and he really needed to get back home before Anna noticed and potentially worried about his absence. He shoved his hands into his pockets and turned back around to head out of town.
I know where I stand in this great debacle… but what about her? Would she even want to try again? Was last night's intimacy really just a fluke? It's not as if I can just come right out and ask her. She'd get defensive and laugh in my face at the mere suggestion.
Some way, somehow… I need to know how she feels. Because I can't keep going on as if nothing has changed.
It didn't surprise Hans one bit when he returned to a quiet house. Everything in the kitchen and sitting areas were exactly the way he had left them earlier. He shrugged out of his overcoat and draped it on the back of an armchair and tilted his head up towards the ceiling to listen for any sounds of movement- just in case Anna was actually up and dressing for the day.
Silence.
Hans pulled out his pocket watch and checked the time. It was now well into the nine-o'clock hour. With a slight shaking of his head, he turned and started up the stairs to the bedroom. About a third of the way up, however, he suddenly stopped and retreated back to the ground floor. If Anna was still asleep, he might have to entice her to get up. Nudging her awake was always effective, but it never did much for her moods first thing in the morning. The last thing he wanted was to deal with sass. No… today he had a better idea to get a rise out of her. In the kitchen, he grabbed two small plates and the box of pastries and then made the journey upstairs.
The bedroom door opened as quietly as he could manage, and just as he expected, Anna was still bundled up under the blankets in roughly the same spot she was earlier. The corner of his mouth twisted upwards as he walked over to her side of the bed and peered over her. At least there were signs that she was alive under there. The wild locks that were spread all over her pillow earlier had disappeared back under the blankets, and now her left hand was sticking out and resting along the top edge of her pillow. The metal ring she wore on her third finger sparkled in the rays of sunshine peeking in from the window as her fingers subtly flexed about in her sleep.
Hans perched himself on the very edge of the bed next to her and tried to give the bedding a gentle tug. They hardly budged. He wasn't sure how she did it, but she wound herself pretty tight under all of those layers. He wondered how easily she'd even be able to get out of there.
"Anna…" he said softly.
A muffled sound was heard from within the bundle, but he wasn't sure if that was her acknowledging him or if the noise was merely her deep breathing. Feeling like a bit of a tease, Hans carefully opened the pastry box and pulled out one of the remaining chocolate danish. He held it around the opening to her cocoon and waved it about.
Who knows… maybe the smell of chocolate will be enough to rouse her?
Part of him felt a bit silly, waving that pastry about as if she could really smell it from underneath the blanket. After all, she wasn't a dog being tempted with a juicy bone or piece of meat. If she smelled anything at all, it was probably a whiff of cotton from the bed sheets covering up her face. But he had his fun, anyway. Chocolate in any shape or form was like a magnet to her senses, and she never wasted an opportunity to indulge. It was one of the charming little qualities that he loved about her. But it seemed that perhaps her deep sleep overpowered any potential desire for food, and once his arm got tired of holding the pastry, it went back into the box. Staring at it for so long was starting to make him hungry, and he wasn't quite ready to eat yet.
Hans got up and walked back around to his side of the bed, making sure to place the box and plates down on a side table before sitting down on his half of the bed and stretching his legs out in front of him. He slouched a bit against the headboard and leaned his elbows down on his pillow.
Oh Anna…. He sighed and gazed at the lump beside him. If he looked hard enough, he could just make out parts of the blankets rising and falling with her breaths. She was too comfortable and cozy to even register him in the room.
I suppose I could just let her sleep. It's not as if we are really in a rush to leave. The next link in the underground chain has yet to make contact with us.
His mouth twisted into a frown as he thought about the situation they were in. He was of course grateful for all of the assistance the resistance movement was providing them- they knew the land, government, and its people better than he or Anna. He shuddered to think of the trouble they would have run into had they been fleeing on their own this entire time. But, this was their first stop amid civilization where they had to wait on their next moves. There was no telling when their contact would be making an appearance. What was worse, they didn't even know who he or she would be. No names or descriptions were given. It left him feeling uneasy.
If there was one thing Hans was used to, it was being in control. After dealing with years of neglect and abuse by his family, it was always up to him to take care of himself and be in charge of his own life. He was accustomed to doing everything on his own. That same mindset stayed with him during the first leg of their journey. He orchestrated the escape from the castle. He was the one to fight off the soldiers and serve as Anna's protector. And he was ultimately in charge of what they carried, where they went, and what they bought. It's only been recently that he felt comfortable relinquishing some of his control over to Anna, regarding her more as a partner and companion instead of just someone he had to put up with for who knew how long. She wanted to help and be on more equal terms, so he progressively felt better about handing over some of their money and supplies. Plus, he had to admit to himself that showing her how to defend herself was a smart move. There was definitely a bit more weight lifted from his shoulders knowing that he didn't have to do everything on his own all the time. Anna, he could trust.
The Underground, however, was one giant anomaly. He didn't know any of these people well enough, with the exception of the Kranzes, and even then he kept himself fairly guarded. They personally knew of the first link in the chain after setting off, but after that, every encounter since had been on blind faith. Ultimate control of their travel was in the hands of strangers, and being at someone else's mercy, even in a desperate-aid-situation, did not fully put him at ease. The hard part was keeping those feelings to himself. Anna was generally a far more trusting person than he, and even she showed plenty of her own fears and anxieties when it was time to actually come face to face with an agent. He didn't know how much of that was towards their contact or just the nature of being in a village where her face could be plastered on any tree or street corner, so he tried to do everything he could to show enough bravery and confidence for the both of them.
Anna shifted slightly and loosened up some of the slack on the top blanket, so he tried to gently tug it and give him enough slack to fiddle with while he sat there. She didn't seem to feel anything. He envied her ability to seemingly sleep through anything. He could, would, never be that lucky. It was a miracle that he'd managed to sleep straight through most of their nights. His guard was always up, just in case something were to happen. Protecting Anna was his biggest priority. He supposed that the only reason he managed to relax thus far was because of her being snuggled up beside him most nights. Her presence was incredibly soothing.
Without warning, Anna's exposed hand suddenly jutted outwards and knocked hard against the wooden headboard. There was a muffled noise from within the blankets, but before she could retract her hand back into the cocoon, he reached over and gently grasped it in his own. His thumb rubbed massaging circles along her skin, and after a few seconds, there was more movement beside him. A few hidden fingers appeared and pulled the blankets down to reveal her face. Hans turned his head to look at her and one corner of his mouth twitched upwards. Her disheveled bed-head appearance no longer fazed him. In fact, he found the sight to be most adorable and refreshing. At least he wasn't the only one who looked like a mess in the mornings. Neither of them were perfect, nor were they trying to be. She looked so much less of a drowsy princess and more like an ordinary girl. He preferred that.
"...hey…" she mumbled drowsily and used her free hand to rub sleep from her eyes. "...what are you doing?"
"You hit your hand-"
"-yeah, I discovered that the hard way, thanks," she grumbled but didn't make an effort to yank herself from his grasp. "It wasn't the most pleasant way to wake up."
"Well, good morning nonetheless." He said softly. "I wasn't exactly sure when you'd make an appearance today."
"It wasn't gonna be now, that's for-" she let out a loud gasp suddenly. Her eyes had finally focused on him long enough to notice his face. Her jaw dropped briefly as she tried to collect her thoughts. "Wha-you- it's gone!"
Hans couldn't help but smile. "I was busy while you were enjoying your beauty sleep."
Anna couldn't resist forming a smile of her own as she rolled more onto her side so her free hand could reach out and caress his face. "I can't believe it…"
"Why not? You're the one who asked for this."
Her fingers traced down his cheek along the sideburn. "Did you really do this just for me?"
He shrugged lightly, "Well, and for me too. It is my face."
"Well, I approve. You're finally handsome again."
"Oh?" He raised a brow playfully and brought her other hand up to stoke the opposite cheek. "I'm handsome?"
"Well, yeah…" Anna blinked sleepily, "You were always handsome. I mean… until you decided to grow fur," Suddenly, there was a shift in her expressions. The adoration and pure joy she eyed him with just seconds ago vanished. Her eyes blinked hard a few times as if she had officially gotten over her drowsiness and came to her senses. Her hands immediately retracted away from him, and she clutched at the blankets to keep them pressed up against her chest. "D-don't read too much into it, though. I was just stating a fact."
Her behavioral change puzzled him. Perhaps teasing her so early in the day wasn't the best idea. "Are you alright?"
"Y-yeah…" she replied and leaned her head back into her pillow. "Just tired, I guess. I didn't sleep too well."
"Oh?" Hans shifted his body more towards her. "How come?"
Her cheeks pinkened slightly and she seemed unsure on what to say. The blankets got pulled up to cover more of her face and act like a barrier between them. "Let's just say that I had a nightmare and leave it at that. I really don't want to get into it."
His brow creased as concern started to show across his features. A nightmare that kept her up at night? That hadn't really happened since the earlier days of their escape. "I wish you would have woken me up. I could have helped."
Anna shook her head. "Trust me, you wouldn't have been able to. Besides, you need your rest, too."
He sighed softly. "Well, at least you managed to find a comfortable way to fall back to sleep. I have to admit, though, I was a bit surprised when I didn't find you laying with me anymore."
"O-oh…" she bit her lip nervously, "well… I suppose I got uh… overheated and wanted my own space."
His mouth opened, then immediately closed again as he truly registered what she said. "You were hot, so you proceeded to cocoon yourself in every blanket available?"
She looked incredibly sheepish. "Um...yes?"
Hans couldn't resist rolling his eyes. It was such an obvious lie, but if she didn't want to talk about it, he wouldn't press the issue further. "Look, I'm not going to complain if you want your own space at night. But maybe next time, don't steal all of the blankets in the process? I woke up freezing this morning."
A slight blush peppered her cheeks. "Sorry…"
As he leaned back against the headboard, he gazed at her face. Her eyes had shifted downwards towards the blankets and her fingers rubbed against the stitched hems. She seemed too embarrassed to look at him now, though he couldn't understand why. He didn't recall there being anything said that could have made her so uncomfortable. "What're you thinking about?" He finally asked to break the silence between them.
Anna shrugged. "Maybe that I want to go back to sleep?"
He chuckled. "Come now, Sunshine, it's mid-morning. Don't you want to get up and start the day?"
"...no?" She sighed and reluctantly pushed herself into a more upright position. After fluffing her pillow behind her, she glanced back down the bed and suddenly frowned. "Hey… how many times do I have to tell you to keep your stupid, filthy boots off of the bed?" She asked him rather sharply and leveled a swift kick into his legs from under the blankets.
"Ow!" He was more surprised and confused than actually hurt. Where did that come from? She had never complained about that before. And what did it matter anyway?
"C'mon! Take them off! I am not spending all day cleaning linens again!"
His eyes moved from his feet back to her face, and he could see the faintest hints of a smirk forcing their way out. "...you're messing with me, aren't you?"
"No? Didn't anyone ever tell you that it's bad manners to have outside footwear on clean sheets?" She bristled, "I guess not. Well, as your wife, I suppose it's up to me to have to condition you."
He chuckled, "my apologies, darling. I'll be sure to remove them the next time I keep you company in the morning." At her triumphant grin, he swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood up. "But since you're up, how about some breakfast? I believe it's my turn to treat you in bed."
"Oh?" Her eyes lit up when he offered her one of the plates. "You actually made me breakfast? I'm touched!"
"Well… not exactly." He picked up the pastry box and held it out to her.
Her excitement instantly waned. "That's cheating!"
"No, it's not. These are perfectly suitable for brea-"
"-yeah, but I made you something from scratch! This is taking the easy way out." When she watched him grab his own plate and sit down beside her, she protested even further. "And wait a minute. These were supposed to be mine!"
"There's too many left, and we can't let them go to waste. Besides, would it really kill you to share just one?"
"Yes."
"Well, maybe if you had gotten up at a reasonable time, we could have shared a warm meal instead." He replied and took a pastry from the box.
"One that you probably would have made me cook, no doubt…"
"Well, it is the wife's job to prepare the meals." He swallowed his bite and shot her a teasing smile. "So, this way actually works out in your favor."
"Gee, thanks." She sighed, reached into the box for another pastry and whined a bit when she realized it was the last one. "Oh well. They were nice while they lasted."
Hans set his empty plate aside and stretched back out. "I'm sure wherever we end up next, you'll have a new box of treats to drool over."
"So long as your grubby hands manage to stay out of them- what did I just tell you?!"
Hans followed her angrily-pointing finger to his boots and sighed. "Does it really matter? There's a good chance we won't be here come nightfall."
"And what if we are?"
"Then it's my side, so I'll be the one stuck sleeping in the invisible dirt."
Anna huffed and crossed her arms. "You could just do as you're told."
He flashed her a teasing smile. "Do you just expect me to lay here with you with my feet sticking off the bed?"
"You could just leave…."
Hans raised his brow. "You're absolutely right. I'll leave and now you can get up and make yourself look presentable," he offered, "let's actually accomplish something before midday." He practically hopped off the mattress and collected the dirty plates and empty box. "You have ten minutes. I'll wait downstairs."
"But-"
"-no buts! Now it's nine minutes." He grinned and left the bedroom and closed the door behind him and snickered the entire way back to the kitchen.
Hans whistled merrily to himself as he finished drying off the two small breakfast plates. He may have had a little too much fun in getting her riled up so early in the day, but in the end he didn't care. A little teasing never did any real harm, and he knew just as well as she did that for every little jab he sent her way, she could retaliate with a slew of others. She had already done so countless times in their journey.
With the plates put away in their proper place, Hans gently tossed the dishcloth onto the countertop and rolled his sleeves back down to his wrists. He could hear movement coming from upstairs. At least Anna seemed to be out of bed. She would probably be downstairs before too long, so he moved over to the sofa to sit and wait for her. One of his hands slid down his leg and as far into his boot as he could squeeze in there and he tried to feel for the spot where she kicked him earlier. The odds of him bruising were slim, though he genuinely hoped that her little stunt didn't actually hurt her own foot in the process.
The way she seemingly transitioned from being Anna to Marit completely caught him off guard, but in the best way. After all, the creation of Nikolai and Marit, and the subsequent relationship gave him the perfect opportunity to try again. Their 'road not taken' was perhaps his only chance to make things right and give them the relationship that should have been in the first place. The names and the rings were fake, but the way he had been portraying himself was very real. He truly enjoyed being Nikolai Wagner. Applying the mask, he was able to stop walking on eggshells around her and show bits of his true feelings. There was little risk at first. She hated what the cover stood for, and because she never took it seriously, she assumed that he didn't either.
Kranz farm was certainly an eye opening experience for the both of them. While it seemed like Anna had the most to learn as far as perfecting their alternate identities, there were things that he was able to pick up on by observing Gertrude and Heinrich, too. He certainly learned to become more patient and understanding towards Anna and her struggles, both physically and emotionally. And while Anna spent most of her time with Gertrude becoming a proper housewife, Hans spent some hours with Heinrich getting some male insight into making his marriage, or partnership with Anna work. There were certain things that he anticipated, but there was one point that really stuck out to him.
Communication.
"It's not about mere words…" he had told Hans one afternoon in the barn, "it's gestures. Feelings. Talking to her is only the first step. Listen to her. Understand her. Let your actions show how you feel…"
In all, it was a far more insightful answer than he was expecting, but he took the advice to heart, and it surprised him how much it seemed to work. Ever since the days on the farm, he and Anna got along so much better. Their first heartfelt chat upon leaving helped him realize that opening himself up to her was not as horrifying as he originally thought it would be. In fact, it calmed him down considerably. He started to look forward to the quieter moments. He actually wanted to talk to her, whether it were about the stress of their day or just pleasant stories about life in Arendelle. Being able to sit back and focus on the sound of her voice made relaxing… even falling asleep so much easier.
As Hans leaned forward and leaned his arms on his legs, he realized that all of that seemed to culminate into what happened last night. If there was still a semblance of a line between what was acting and genuine affection, he was positive that Anna shattered it by the time they fell asleep. He could tell even in the little activities that there was a drastic change. Chores weren't done just because they had to be. They were made into an enjoyable experience for both of them.
He glanced over to his left at the empty seat beside him. Anna sat there last night when they did their art exchange. The corner of his mouth slowly moved upwards at the memory. She had surprised him then, too. He didn't expect her to find something to pass the time that was solely based on his own interests.
I think last night was the first time in years that I drew anything in the presence of someone else… he mused. I never wanted to. It's definitely a strange feeling… knowing someone was genuinely interested and supportive towards something that I enjoyed. No one has ever done that before. No one has ever cared… until now.
His hand came up to rub down his face and around his chin as he considered what that could mean. Anna was very eager to be close- to bond with me. She had to have chosen that on purpose, and not for the drawing itself. She wanted to know me better. Perhaps… Perhaps the pain of our past no longer stings as much as it used to….
His thoughts then wandered to even later that night once he had joined her in the bedroom. The way she had eyed him up while he was undressing sent small tingles down his spine. She had never looked upon him that way before, and if he didn't know better, there was a spark of desire lingering in her eyes. She seemed to act solely on emotions when snuggling up to him. That certainly would never have happened earlier in their travels. Sure, they usually woke up in each other's arms, but they had never gotten so affectionate while they were still awake.
She said I was comfortable… that I made her feel safe…. Those words made his heart soar. Just the idea that she seemed to view him as a comforting companion allowed his mind to race with thoughts and feelings of what could be, even in a last resort scenario.
Is this what domestic bliss feels like? He wondered, when you're so comfortable with each other that you don't even need romance to feel enamored?
He was snapped from his thoughts when he could hear her footsteps getting louder, and he looked up just in time to see Anna step off the last stair and cross the room towards him. He offered her a small, yet warm smile as his eyes subtly gave her a look over. His eyes lingered a tad longer on the way she styled her hair, pulled back just enough so it stayed out of her face, and tied back with a piece of ribbon so the bulk of her long wavy locks could hang loose behind her back. A few tendrils even lay draped over her shoulder. It looked so simple and incredibly pleasing to the eye and paired well with her plain-colored blouse and pleated skirt. And when his gaze finally landed on her face, he let out a small sigh of relief. She no longer appeared annoyed for having to get out of bed. That was a good sign.
"I'm here." She said and glanced around towards the kitchen area. "Where'd you dump the dirty dishes? I guess I'll clean them."
"Already taken care of," he replied as he slowly rose to his feet.
Anna blinked in surprise. "O-oh! Um… thank you."
"Did you really think I'd let them just sit out to force you to do them?"
She shrugged. "I dunno. I mean, you took the easy way out when it came to breakfast this morning. You didn't seem the kind to do women's chores."
"At least I didn't make a mess. That counts for something, right?" He asked and walked around the furniture towards the door where her cloak was hanging on the wall.
"I suppose so." When he handed her the cloak and retrieved his coat from where he discarded it earlier, she frowned slightly. "Are we leaving already? Is that why you rushed me up?"
"No, not yet. I just wanted to spend time with you."
Anna couldn't resist snorting. "Please. We spend every moment together! It's not like we need any designated special time for it."
"Well pardon me for being sentimental." He shot back and fastened his coat closed. "It's not like you have anything more important to do."
"Then where are we going? Into town?" She asked as she draped her cloak over her. "Would that be wise?"
"No, nothing that risky." He slipped on his gloves and offered his hand. "Just a morning stroll around the farm."
She hesitated, glancing down at his outstretched hand. "Wouldn't it be better to just shelter in place until the contact arrives?"
"There's nothing to do inside. C'mon, what're you afraid of?"
"N-nothing…" she sighed and finally latched onto him.
"It's much warmer now than it was earlier." He commented once they were outside walking through the path that led to the main farmhouse.
"It's freezing…."
He chuckled. "Trust me, it was a lot worse hours ago when I sat outside." He glanced over at her. She had let go of him just after they left the house and tucked her hands up under her cloak. "You can move a bit closer if you want. I'd keep you warm."
"No thanks." she said rather bluntly, and quickly added, "I-I mean, I just forgot my gloves and such. The sun was out. I was just expecting more heat, that's all." She sighed. "I guess I'd better get used to it, though. Winter will be here before we know it."
He nodded slowly. "You're right. I'm actually surprised it's stayed as warm as it had been for this long." He spared her another glance, one more concerning. "Are you going to need a new round of warmer attire?"
Anna winced. "I hope not. Even if I did, I doubt we could afford it. Clothes aren't exactly cheap." They walked in silence for a few more minutes before she suddenly shifted more to the side and latched onto his arm. "H-Hans?"
"Yes?" The hesitation and uneasiness in her voice did not go unnoticed.
"Do… Do you think we'll make it to Arendelle before Christmas?"
He glanced down to his arm when he felt her tighten her grip. Even though it was still a few weeks away, he strongly doubted they would have safely made it completely off the continent by then. "I'm not sure."
"...oh."
"Don't get me wrong, I'd love to be out of this miserable place by then…" he sighed, "but I feel that getting out of both Alvania and Corona in two-three weeks would be a bit of a stretch. Perhaps if extreme luck were on our side and everything went as smoothly-"
Anna snorted. "-we're not lucky at all."
"Not really, no. And that's only taking into account working with the Underground. You're right. It is getting colder out. We could be in trouble if Mother Nature decided to take a turn for the worse. I suppose we could push through the rain if we had to, but any kind of heavy snowfall would really slow us down."
Anna sighed heavily and leaned her head into his arm. "I was really hoping to be home for Christmas…" she said sadly, "Even if everything was still going on, it would be such a comfort for Elsa, y'know? We missed out on so many holidays over the years. With everything open again, we've really been trying to make up for lost time and make each season special. I just… I just would hate for her to be so worried about me. Elsa and panicking don't mix well, as I'm sure you could imagine."
Hans nodded, easily remembering what happened that fateful summer. "Els-Queen Elsa will be fine. She's strong and she knows how resourceful you are. Even if you're not there with her, she would probably know deep down that you're alright."
"You think so?"
"I know so."
Anna looked up at him and made a face, not completely reassured. "Do you think she knows anything about what's going on?"
"Probably." Hans mused and rubbed his chin thoughtfully with his free hand. "Somebody has to know something by now… and would have shared it with the right people."
"Yeah… you're right." She said softly and then let out a louder, heavier sigh when they reached the large barn where their horses were being kept. "It's just hard, y'know? Being away like this. Being alone."
He winced slightly. She was homesick and downcast, and he understood that's where her statement came from. But it didn't make her words sting any less. He halted them and turned towards her. His free hand moved under her chin and tilted it up gently to force her eyes on him. "Hey… you're not alone. You have me. And even though the situation isn't ideal for either of us, we can still try to make the most of it." He paused and tried to come up with something, anything, to make her feel better. "If it's any consolation, I would rather spend Christmas with you than any of my brothers."
It looked like Anna was trying to force out the smallest of smiles but didn't make it very far before her frown returned. "I hope you're not expecting me to return the sentiment… because I really would rather spend my holiday with my sister than you."
He shrugged, "Of course not. I wouldn't expect you to bluntly lie to my face like that." He stepped aside and opened the barn door for her. "I know I'm not your first choice… or any choice, really. But there's still nothing wrong with just living in the moment. There will always be something worth celebrating, even if it doesn't seem to be obvious right now."
"I suppose…" She strode inside and made her way right to where their horses were stalled. "Oh, there's my handsome boy!" She cooed as her steed came right up to nuzzle into her hand. "I hope Demeter has been taking good care of you!"
Hans stayed back a few feet and leaned against the barn wall with his arms crossed lightly across his chest. He watched her sudden change in demeanor for the better as she spent time doting on not only her horse, but his as well. He adored how she seemed just as into horses as he was, and that their troublesome duo of steeds had bonded with her as they have with him. He and Anna were certainly two of a kind… quite the unique pair they made.
Our mental synchronization can have but one explanation….
You and I were just meant to be…
Shake it off, Hans. Shake it off.
"I see Arion has warmed up to you." He commented warmly to pull himself back into the present.
Anna paused in her stroking of the dark horse's mane and glanced at him with a puzzled expression. "Arion?"
"Of course. Every creature needs a name."
"...but why Arion?"
He pushed off of the wall and came up beside her to give his horse some affection as well. "It's Greek. I suppose our dealings with the Underground and their penchant for mythology have sort of swept me along. It seemed a fitting name for such a strong, noble steed."
Anna smiled slightly. "I like it. But when did you come up with it? I've never heard you utter it before?"
"I have, you just haven't been nearby to hear it." He replied and stroked the mane. "Since he's my only friend out here, I had to call him something."
"Oh, come now, the horse-"
"-Arion."
She rolled her eyes slightly. "He is not your only friend."
He glanced at her with a raised brow. "Oh really? Says the one who, while clutching my arm, claimed to be all alone?"
Her cheeks turned a light shade of pink. "Touché."
Facing her fully, he gently grasped at one of her hands. "Are we friends then?" He asked softly, bearing his gaze right into hers. "Truly?"
"Well… you're my husb-"
"No." He interrupted with the brief shaking of his head. "I don't mean Nikki and Marit. I mean us. After all we've been through so far, and who knows what else there would be to come… I'd like to know where we stand."
"Hans…" she took a deep breath and averted her eyes downward. She was quiet for a few moments as she seemed to struggle with something to say. "What brought this on?"
"We've gone from extreme familiarity one day to you barely being able to look me in the eye the next." He said bluntly, deciding to come right out with it instead of beating around the bush. And at her prolonged silence, he couldn't resist sighing loudly. "I'm not asking for a confessional. I just want to know if we're on good terms."
"W-we are…."
"Then why does it seem like all of the progress between us was suddenly lost this morning?"
"I…" she sighed and glanced up at him. "I just woke up in a mood, that's all. I'm sorry if I said something to put you off…" her head tilted slightly to the side. "And yes. I suppose we are friends. I think right now, you're my only friend, if it makes you feel better."
He nodded fervently. "It does. Because everything I say or do is really in your best interest. Our best interests. You have nothing to fear in me. You can lower whatever walls you have."
"I… I know." She said softly and tried to force out a small reassuring smile. "And I will. I-I mean… I am-er…I'm trying, I promise." She shook her head at her struggling to find the right words. "I trust you."
His gaze immediately softened, and he brought up her hand to lay a small kiss against her skin. That warm feeling started to bud up inside him again at her words. They gave him a renewed sense of hope. "That's all I could ever ask for-"
"Ah, there you are!"
Both he and Anna jumped at the sudden intrusion in the doorway. He dropped her hand as she took a quick step backwards as if they were caught in a compromised position, and once they took deep breaths to calm themselves, they turned towards the outside. Demeter had walked into the barn with a parcel in her hands.
"You certainly gave me a fright," the woman explained, "I went up to the cottage and you weren't there."
"Sorry…" Anna apologized sheepishly. "We were just desperate for some fresh air."
Demeter nodded and approached the pair. "I just came back from the village-"
Hans' eyes widened, "-does this mean the contact came through?"
Demeter nodded, "they did, yes."
That was a lot sooner than I expected, Hans thought to himself and exchanged glances with Anna.
"Is that for us then?" Anna asked and gestured to the parcel in hand.
"The information for your travel," Demeter replied in a much softer voice and took a quick glance towards the open entrance. Before she went any further, she turned around to close the barn doors. "One can never be too careful…" She took a deep breath before passing the bundle to Hans. "Inside is everything that you'll need."
Hans examined the parcel. It was rather thin. He could tell there was a bit of paper inside- most likely a map. Feeling along the side of the wrapping, there seemed to be something lumpy hidden among the contents, but he couldn't tell what it was.
"When do we leave?" Anna asked, regaining Hans' attention.
"Not until later, I'm afraid." Demeter said, "There's been an increase in military activity in the surrounding villages. It'll be easier to have you travel under the cloak of darkness."
"N-night?" Anna didn't hide the uneasiness in her voice. Her shoulders seemed to slump a bit as she moved closer to Hans and placed a hand on his arm.
Hans gave her a sympathetic glance. They had grown too accustomed to travel during day hours and breaking at night, and it had spoiled them. Being forced to stay awake all night long and possibly the entirety of the following day would not be easy for either of them. "We'll manage," he told her softly. "It'll be fine."
It'll have to be fine… he sighed to himself, it's not like we really have a choice in the matter.
Anna nodded reluctantly and glanced back to Demeter. "Who are we meeting? Is someone coming tonight to take us?"
Demeter shook her head, "Unfortunately, no. I'll be able to take you part of the way, but your rendezvous point is in there." She gestured to the parcel in Hans' hands. "His codename is Achilles, and he'll direct you where to go from there." She cleared her throat and turned towards the barn doors. "I'm afraid I must get back to work before I'm missed. I'd advise you to get as much rest now as you can. You're going to need it."
Anna waited until Demeter had left the barn before turning to face Hans. "I guess the break is over…" she sighed softly, "and now there's more soldiers in the area?"
Hans immediately picked up on her nerves and reached over with his free hand to pat hers. "We've done it before. We're practically experts at eluding Beker's men."
"I know…" she replied, "but it doesn't make it any less terrifying. It's going to be a long ride ahead if we have to avoid the towns on our route."
"True. We'll just have to rough it for a while."
"Ugh…" she groaned and slumped her shoulders. "Long rides and campfires, here we come…"
"At least the company will be pleasant," he offered with a wry smile in an effort to help cheer her up.
"Yeah. I suppose so."
He would have made a remark if it weren't for the little smirk forming across her face. "I got rid of my beard for you. It will be pleasant."
She let out a snort in response and looped her arm through his so they could make their way back to the cottage. "I suppose I had the right idea all along."
"Oh?"
"Staying in bed," she clarified, "We'll need plenty of sleep now if we're gonna be traveling straight through the night. I fully intend on enjoying this rare chance to be lazy."
"You're not planning on changing back into your sleep clothes, are you?" He asked once they were back on the dirt path.
Anna shook her head. "No…" there was a bit of giggle behind her voice, "but I might just steal all the blankets again."
"Come on now…" He feigned a pout, "not again! What if I want to nap there also? As your husband, I'd like to be comfortable and warm, too!"
"Oh…. Fine, I suppose you can." She said, making it sound like it was such a huge concession to make, and then suddenly turned very serious and leveled him a glare that he hadn't seen since the early days of their travels. "But I swear to all that is righteous and good, if you put your nasty boots back on our bed again, I will actually kill you."
'Our' bed, huh?
Hans couldn't hide the little smile forcing its way out. "As you wish, Sunshine. As you wish."