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"Yes… it is a tank… yes I am fully aware…. Yes… no they were in no danger… they are grandstanding with implied squatter's rights that did not exist…. No… they just got here they do not have established gardens… no… they are bullshitting… look the Captain has every right to patrol the boundaries of the property for just this reason…no… that is untrue" Gwen had been arguing for the last half hour with London HQ who were incensed that there had been multiple phone calls of endangerment and threats to life.
Ianto reached out and gently took the phone "hello? Hello there, this is Doctor Harkness-Jones. Sorry to interrupt but you do realize this is a highly protected area due to the Harkness-Jones Piney Studios here… we have to protect our intellectual property and for health and safety reasons we cannot have random hippies wandering about film sets. What if we have live ordinance there for some explosive action scenes? Hmmm? Look… they were not there last week. Less than a week cannot be construed as 'living' there can it? Hmmmm. No. Look, I know they are putting you in a bad spot publicly so the best way to swing this is that they are threatening the livelihoods of thr film crews and such that work here, trying to make an honest living in the TV and film industry. Actually… that being said… we could argue that they are protestors here to cause delays in filming. The new season might not make it out and everyone wants to know if Piney's injuries put him in a wheelchair or not… that cliff-hanger final episode has them slathering. You want to be the one who puts off that release?"
Gwen watched as Ianto's face softened and he started to croon as if comforting the poor man on the oath end who was long since in his snare "Of course. You know… if you want to come we can sort a passport for you to travel over the quarantine line… I know you have all your vaccinations. So brave to be filmed publicly getting them… such a marvelous thing. No. Better still… better still… you stay away to push our safety as a closed community and they are endangering us with their unvaccinated arses. How's this. You make them go away… when the release is due we will have a public media release… no… you can. As the spokesperson for us… you can do that right? Speak for Piney and family? You know the media will love that… you have such a lovely voice. You can have a press release… hold up a reel of film and declare the new season about to start. You saved the series. You. My god… the votes."
Ianto handed the phone back to her and she grinned as he had invited an outsider into to a zone he would never be allowed in… then yanked it back just as effortlessly like it was the man's idea with the now secured free publicity of a press junket at the coin of the London mayor's office.
Holy shit.
He could run for office this one.