Watching Starbuck cross the bay as the pilots parted for him, she knew he was just looking out for her, but she had no intention of following his order. She was tired of running, tired of evading Brody and Pallus and all of the borays from the Zakar. What made them better than her? She was a warrior too. And why should she have to defend herself? She didn't do it. Yeah, she could never deny she had thought about killing Brody a hundred times and that was just in the last secton, but she'd been busy with other things and murder was low on her to do list. If she did decide to enact some vengeance, it would have been far more dramatic than something as pathetic as losing a seal on a canopy. Brody deserved a death more violent than the one he got, but he was dead and she was going to hang around and watch the scene play out. It was satisfying to realize he would be one less boray she would have to deal with. A part of her knew she should feel somewhat ashamed as his limp body flopped one last time. He'd been a fellow warrior and maybe in the right conditions, not a bad guy. But another part offered a rebuttal, "He wasn't a nice guy and you didn't do it. Why shouldn't you enjoy this?"

She wasn't sure what to say to Jake as he headed across the bay, sent by Starbuck. The grin he flashed let her know he too was enjoying the bonus that fate had handed them. He would know she couldn't claim this as her doing. Vipers were off limits. Still she wrinkled her nose in irritation as he flashed the hand sign asking for confirmation, did she or didn't she? Her negative reply twisted his grin into something wicked, before he wiped it from his features. They had gotten lucky this time, but luck often had a way of warping on her. If he thought she might have done this, well frak, Starbuck was right, others would too.

"We should go before Pallus gets ugly," Jake mumbled to her as he came to her side.

She shrugged and didn't move, even as Starbuck pointed in their direction, ordering Crius to join them. By the way Crius sprinted across the bay to her, she knew the goddess of fortune was already flipping the two sided coin from good to bad. Crius didn't say anything, just grabbed her arm, then yanked at Jake's. She didn't resist, letting the pilot fulfill the command he had been given. Besides, there wasn't much more to see here other than the fight Pallus was trying to have with the med techs. Rene was curious how much trouble Pallus might find himself in if he decked a med tech. Would the pilots turn on him? She figured the odds were fifty fifty on that bet. But then Crius dragged them out of the landing bay before she could ante up on that action.

They were barely in the corridor when he reverted to the pilot they had known on the Zakar, the one who filled them in on what it meant to be a warrior with his non-stop lectures.

"We don't frak with vipers! It could have been one of our friends that took that one. Did you think about that? You've freaked all the pilots out. Now they're all going to be coming for us, Blue Squadron, Red Squadron, Silver Spar too. Is that what you were going for, making everyone hate you? You are part of a team, in the sky and on this deck. You can't go rogue without it affecting all of us!" His grip tightened on her arm and she could feel her pulse under his fingers.

"I didn't do it." The words had no effect on Crius's grip.

"Right, sure, like it matters. They are going to think you did it and that's all that matters. I kind of enjoyed being able to walk a corridor without worrying about being knifed in the back. That's gone now. Did you involve Lizzy? Like she doesn't have enough to do already with our kids, and then your kids added in since you don't spend any time with them. You're too busy organizing sealings, sabotaging vipers, and let's not forget dashing off to Caprica for drugs and alcohol to actually bother being a parent."

As her fingers started to tingle from the pressure he was putting on an artery, she opened her mouth to say this wasn't her doing and that wasn't why she went to Caprica, but instead she shut it as Jake pulled away, heading for the corridor to the Life Center.

"Where do you think you're going?" Crius barked. "Starbuck gave an order. We're headed home."

Chuckling Jake muttered, "He's not my Captain. I have to get back to work, and make sure that the tox screen on Brody backs up what we already know."

Crius's grip eased on her arm as he replied, "Yeah, that might help fix this. The Galacticans don't believe in enhancements in the cockpit. Their loss, but yeah, that might be our gain this time. Do that."

She nearly yelped as Crius's grip tightened again and he yanked her in Jake's direction intending to escort him to the Life Center.

"Seriously Crius, ease up!"

Whipping her around the corridor, he growled at her. "Ease up? Why don't you ease up? Do you know what you've done? Lizzy is already as nervous as a felix in a room full of rocking chairs. And now the enemy is back, for real this time, to finish us off. And here you are with the ability to just zoom back to Caprica or take us anywhere, and where do you plunk us down? Right back where we were in the den of the enemy. You could take us anywhere, do anything. You are given a chance to make it to heaven, and you drop us right back into hades."

She mumbled in defense, "I didn't do this. It doesn't work like that," when she felt the full force of Crius's rebuke. It burned nearly as bad as when Dante shot her in the back. Her knees began to give way, but Crius yanked her up, not slowing his stride or his criticisms.

"We had a reprieve for once in the last three yahrens, and what did you do with it? You zipped back to Caprica so you can make a profit on ambrosia and fumarelloes! You can take us anywhere and you just keep leaping back into trouble. Committing suicide by cylon isn't good enough for you? No, you have to stir up trouble here too and take us all down with you. You could go anywhere, anywhere and here we are, up to our eyeballs in mong and totally fraked while we deal with your felgercarb. You could be searching for a place to call home, you could….you could take us anywhere and you could..." he trailed off, his last words coming out as a sigh of regret.

"It doesn't work that way. Where am I to go?" she said softly, her face growing warm. "You know why I chose here."

Her words silenced Crius and the three walked for a moment before Jake spoke, his voice sounding like it was coming from far away. "I know you think you kept us here for me, but I'm not why we are here, and we all know it. And it's not for the kids either. Just admit it, okay?"

"Admit what?" She tried to yank her arm away, but Crius held tight, so she planted her boots on the deck, stopping all of them. "You have some place you want to go? Let's do it. I'm not the hold up."

Crius looked away, grumbling under his breath, "Great, now you two are going to go at it? Just what this moment needs."

"Where Jake? Where should we go? You know all you have to do is give me a coordinate and we are gone!" She met Jake's glare, thought about saying more, only it didn't need to be said. He knew everything. He knew what she could do, was aware of its limitations and they had both paid the costs it demanded. She forced Jake to run through it all in his head and saw his expression change from determined to defeated as he shrugged.

"Whatever, just go home and do what Starbuck says," Jake mumbled. "I'm good from here. Everyone's back in the landing bay. Besides, I think they're all afraid of Salik and he likes me right now. I tossed the old codger some fumarellos. As long as I stay on the Galactica, I'm okay. You need to watch your back more than me. Starbuck likes the promotion. He won't give you the protection you think he will."

As Jake turned away, sprinting for the Life Center, she wasn't sure who he was talking to, her or Crius. It had to be Crius, she already knew Starbuck was blinded by his own popularity, thinking everyone was his friend. Even with Sire Gold Clusters by her side, she knew to look around corners and expect an ambush every time the turbo lift doors opened.

"That true?" Crius asked, in a low voice. "We're here for Jake or for the kids or just because you're hot for Starbuck? You can take us anywhere can't you? I mean you can go all the way to Caprica, you can surely take us beyond the reach of the Cylons, can't you?"

"I didn't choose here," she mumbled, still stinging from Jake's accusation as well as Crius's words. "I didn't choose this just to keep Starbuck happy. If I could I would…" she stood there, trying to figure out how far she'd have to go to be beyond the Cylons.

Crius shook her arm to get her attention.

"I get it, I do. We were in a bind and you had to get us somewhere fast. But since we got here, you could have been looking for somewhere else, or trying to fight the enemy or... I know you've been busy with Starbuck and love makes us all stupid sometimes... but this is completely idiotic, messing around with Pallus and Dante's old cronies just to get Starbuck a promotion or off report or whatever. You could have been saving us, or talking to scientists or...but no, instead...Frak!" Crius cursed at her in frustration. "Come on. I got to get back to work. I've got modules to start running." He started to drag her towards the turbolift that would take them to the council chambers, but she dug her boots in, halting his attempt.

"Come on!" he barked.

"No...no, you're right," she stammered.

"Of course I'm right. I know you thought you had to do it to save Starbuck, but you couldn't multi-task? You can only rustle one bovine at a time? Even a daggit is smarter than that."

She grimaced. When Crius slipped into his country boy lingo, it was to cover a harsh truth he honestly believed. If he thought she had manipulated all of this just to save Starbuck, it meant the others did too. They all thought she had let them down.

She let Crius drag her to the turbolift, where he finally let go of her arm. She shook her hand, trying to get the blood back to her numb fingers as he stared straight at the floor indicator. He was gentler as he took her arm once they were to the level of the council chambers. His voice was lower, but the words were just as harsh.

"You shouldn't have been drugging pilots either. A lot of the pilots know you were behind it and now half of them don't know if they should trust the food they're eating. You know that feeling from the Zakar, wondering if what you're eating is what it looks like or something else. You should have told command about what they were taking and trusted in your fellow warriors. If you don't trust the team, the team won't trust you. You like being on the outside all the time? Eventually someone is going to put you outside of this battlestar, and the rest of us with you. Is that what you want for Lizbet, or the kids? You have got to start thinking about more than yourself. I thought when you started to recruit the kids, Cain and all, you had finally figured out what it meant to be a warrior. I mean, yeah I get it, you want to exact some revenge, but now isn't the time. While you're playing your petty tit for tat games, the Cylons are sniffing us out. Had you put just a micron into dealing with that enemy maybe…" The lecture stopped as they entered the council chambers. They were empty like they usually were this time of day.

"Just…" Crius finally looked at her, but couldn't seem to meet her eyes as he looked away, "just stay here until Starbuck comes looking for you. Make yourself useful for once and clean it up or something."

As he headed for the door, she spoke up, "Crius?"

He halted, but didn't turn to her. "Yeah?"

She hesitated, unsure what she wanted to say. She was sorry, but not in the way he thought she should be. "You're right," she said, realizing even for herself that he was. She could have been doing so much more with what she had.

"I know I am, but it doesn't make it any easier, does it?" He seemed to wait for an answer, sighing heavily when she didn't have one to give. "Stay put for now. We'll figure it out."

He was out the door before she could ask if he meant the words, that they should stay put on the Galactica and in the fleet, or if he was right, they should just go anywhere.

Looking at the plush chairs around the table, she almost lowered herself into one, but Crius had awoken her guilt. It seemed far too selfish to kick back in those seats while everyone around her was busy seeing to the running of the fleet and the family. Instead she walked to the star chart, noting that Boomer had updated it once again in an approximation of their current position. She studied it for a moment, plotting out the planets she knew on their path ahead. "Anywhere," she thought, as she noted the ones that were habitable, the ones that were not. She brushed her fingers over one of the more promising options, then disregarded it as she touched another. None of them were the answer Crius was asking for.

"You could at least make yourself useful."

She jumped at the voice coming from the viewport behind her. She knew that voice and spun to see Ari silhouetted by the stars.

Her heart leapt into her throat at the sight of him, whole and healthy, not a mark on him. He looked so real and so young with his brown hair flowing as if being tousled by a light summer breeze and a smile on his face. She took a step towards him, forgetting for just a moment that he was gone, wishing it wasn't so. He smiled wider, his eyes so boyish and full of life. It was the youthful look that shattered the illusion. Ari had never been young. He'd been tasked with worrying about her since the day she was born, always the responsible older brother, always an old man's eyes.

"Who are you?" she demanded.

"Rene, it's me," he said as his smile slipped in concern. It was a closer approximation to the brother she knew and loved, except for the one irrefutable fact.

"You're dead. I killed you. Either I'm seeing things or you are someone else, a man who wears many faces. So show me your true face, Iblis."

Ari's smile twisted into an evil grin for a brief moment before melting into a visage of pain, her last image of Ari alive, then fading as another face came into view. It was an older face, framed by hair that transformed from brown into gray.

"I can be who you want me to be."

His voice sang seductively in her ears. She shivered from the promise it held, but her stomach churned with bile as her instincts kicked in. She decided to follow her rebellious nature. It hadn't failed her yet.

"You can be him? You can be my brother? Then be him. Be Ari on the day he graduated from the Academy."

"As you wish," he replied and in a swirl of colors, his flowing white robes narrowed down to the dress uniform of a colonial warrior. His aging visage was once again youthful, a reflection of Ari's face including his serious eyes, with a nice addition of a smile of pride. He looked fit, his frame filled out with the good meals of the academy and the training of his body and mind. She tried to memorize the image, but her vision blurred with tears.

Her voice wasn't as strong as she wanted it to be as she said, "You can't be him. That day never came. It will never come. All you can give me is a counterfeit and I don't play make believe. Go away."

In a blaze of fire, the form of Ari turned to ash, replaced by the arrogant aspect of Count Iblis.

"You are correct, I cannot bring you back to the past, but I can give you what you want in the future."

It might have been tempting if she didn't already know that everyone that promised you a future was lying. It was one of the things she had loved about Starbuck from the beginning. He didn't promise her a future he couldn't predict. He offered her here and now. He only gave what he knew was absolute and tangible.

"I already have what I want," she replied, but an image came unbidden to her mind of a home in the mountains by a lake, her children older and happier, glowing in the rays of a summer day in which they played. Starbuck was chasing them, laughing as he caught Kalea, swinging her in his arms.

Iblis's voice beckoned her, "I want what you want. Follow me and we can both have what we desire."

She turned away from him, back to the chart, sighing heavily as she surveyed the few star systems displayed there. "And the cost?" she asked.

"That is for others to pay," he answered imperiously.

She nearly snorted with laughter. It was not the right answer. Once again this superior being had proven, he didn't know her at all. She was the only one who she would allow to pay the price if she took his deal.

"I'll get back to you on that," she replied sarcastically.

"I have waited long enough!" His voice boomed in the empty chamber.

"Yes, there it was," she thought to herself, "you can always count on old men to get angry." She knew she should turn back to him. He might be dangerous now that he was antagonized. She believed Starbuck and Jake when they claimed that the man, or whatever he was, had killed her. In the past that might have not been a problem. She had sought death then, but now? Now she had something and someone to live for, a lot of someone's.

Slowly she spun back to the viewport, and the imposing being. Stalling, she thought of the only thing that might intimidate Iblis. "I can't do that, not yet. Adama will prevent me from helping you."

It was a lie, but she tried to believe it because that is all every good lie needed, the belief that it might be true.

"Then you need to convince him or deceive him. I command it."

It took serious effort to keep her lip from curling up into a sneer. No one commanded her. "I'm working on it, but I'm a lowly Lieutenant with visions of grandeur. And you are nothing but a hallucination that upping my medications might resolve."

Irritation flared across the man's features, before he tamped it down with a placating smile. "I can offer you all that you desire so long as you don't deceive me again. It will be more glorious than you can imagine."

Her eyes closed on their own as the scene materialized again in her mind. It wasn't much, she couldn't even picture a luxurious home. It was a crude structure of wood and stone in a valley that no one had tilled under yet. But it was beautiful in its simplicity as the modest nature of her dream made it all the more real and achievable.

"Give me time," she mumbled trying to pull away from the vision. She tried to remember her conversation with Dixon about Iblis, grasping on to the man's words like a lifeline pulling her back from an abyss. "Use him. Wait until we know just where we can use him best to save us all." Is that what the man could help with, finding a world where they could live in peace? The pounding of her heart held the answer, she needed to find it on her own. "Soon, but I need to gain his trust." Her hand went instinctively to the child within her wondering about the effects of her jumping might have on Starbuck's child. Salik thought she might have shortened all their lives when she jumped the whole fleet. So much was an unknown, she drowned in the details that needed answers. "I promise, you will have what you desire, but you have to give me more time."

"As you wish, but my offer has limits. Don't keep me waiting."

She tried to cling to the fantasy, the placid lake, the warm home with a fire in the hearth, the happy sounds of laughter, but it faded, leaving her feeling empty and bereft. Slowly she opened her eyes to find herself alone.

"Frak," she muttered. She turned to head for the table, reaching for the half bottle of ambrosia left from the night before. She uncapped the bottle, putting it to her lips, intending to take a long swallow, but at the first taste, she pulled it away. She'd made a promise to Starbuck and she'd meant to keep it. She'd meant to be better, and Crius was right. She was only thinking about herself.

She set the bottle down talking to herself, "It should have been a quiet day other than seeing Cain off. I should be elbow deep in a boring task of scrubbing engine parts. It should have been…" She shook her head with a rueful chuckle. "He promises me nothing that I want. All I want is a quiet day. Frak it, want in one hand, mong in the other. Which one gets full first." She headed for the door. Her steps were sure as she navigated the corridors. This wasn't what she wanted, but it was long overdue she supposed. Maybe with it out of her hands, she wouldn't have to worry about it anymore. It could be someone else's responsibility.

It was a short walk. She was chiming the door before she could decide to change her mind. Athena answered with little Ila in her arms.

"Rene?" It was a cautious question and Athena's judicious features almost made her turn around. If she did this, she'd be dealing a lot more with Athena and the snitrad Bojay. She heard Starbuck's voice in her head, "He's not a bad guy."

"Fine," she mumbled aloud. It had already been a day with too many people wanting something from her. "Is Peryton here?"

That might have been relief darting across Athena's features. "No. This time of day he's usually in the electronics lab with Wilker."

"Thanks." Rene turned to go, that very same relief loosening the tension in her shoulders.

"Rene?" Athena called.

She turned mid-step, watching an array of emotions cross the Athena's face, the least of which was discomfiture. What could she possibly want from me too? Rene wondered, blurting out instead, "What?"

"Just . . ." She cleared her throat. The sudden change on Athena's features held Rene as if the woman were another of Iblis's superior beings. Maybe because to Rene, Athena had always been superior. Yahrens ago Rene had envied all that Athena held and commanded so easily, living in a mansion, no lack of cubits, caring successful parents, and brothers who did more than look out for her. If rumor was true, she'd even held Starbuck faithfully in her sway. Even now, Rene craved the safety and security Athena had enjoyed in Adama's fleet as his daughter.

Rene reworded her reply, "What can I do for you?"

Visibly relaxing, Athena asked, "Don't let him do anything stupid. He thinks he can save us all with his crazy ideas of wormholes and new engines." She shifted her daughter to her hip. "I'm afraid Peryton will either lose us or himself. Bojay just got him back." The infant fussed and she shushed her before returning her attention to Rene. "And please don't involve Apollo. I've already lost one brother. I don't think I could bear to lose another one."

Rene let out a shuddering breath rather than voicing her thoughts, "I've lost two. And you're stronger than you think." Instead, she choked out, "I'll try, for your sake, not Bojay's, but I can't promise anything."

"I know." She nodded as if considering events of the past. "And I appreciate that. Really I do. You never promised you could do anything. She took a few steps closer, lowering her voice slightly. "Can you do anything on your own with your ability, or was that just all Iblis?"

Rene considered her for a moment and the nerve it must have taken to ask the question. No one spoke about that moment when she and Iblis pulled the whole fleet into a void and spun them quadrants away. Certainly not with a sardonic grin on their face like Athena's. "I can do some things," Rene replied with assurance, "But...Will you tell me about Iblis? Starbuck and the others," she said as she wrinkled her nose in frustration, "they only give me vague details. It would help."

In answer, Athena stepped aside, gesturing for Rene to come in.

Over two cups of Java, Athena recounted the tale of finding the man on a planet where a large ship had crashed, how he came into the fleet demanding control while also granting every wish as if performing miracles. She spoke of the personal feud that erupted between her brother and the count and the way the man held sway over Sheba.

"You can ask her about it," Athena answered when Rene wondered exactly how the being had won over a woman who had displayed nothing but confidence, even with her own legendary father, Commander Cain. Yet, curiously, Sheba bent to the whims of the count. "She doesn't remember much. She claims it is all a blur. She's not the only one. Iblis seemed to take over everyone at some point, except maybe Starbuck."

"I think he could have had Iblis given him what he really wanted, not just wine, women and endless parties," Rene offered in supposition.

"Yes, true." She stared into her java. "I sometimes regret turning Starbuck down." She looked up abashed. "But after the destruction I couldn't bear losing anyone else, and I knew he'd want to start a family." She laughed humorlessly. "You know Starbuck, surround yourself with people that love you so any losses can be minimized." She looked embarrassed, then shrugged. "Anyhow, at that point I just couldn't bring a life into this fleet." Athena looked down to the baby in her arms.

"So what changed?" Rene asked, noting once again that having children hadn't been her choice, and if it had, she felt much the same way. It was metrons better here than Dante's fleet, but it still was not a place she would choose to raise children.

Athena looked up, a bright light of hope shining in her eyes. "We took on a base ship, and won. And it wasn't because of Iblis or ships of light. It was just us and the way we pulled together as warriors. Even Baltar helped us to defeat the enemy. My brother and Starbuck, all of them came back and we had won. Then we found more and more habitable worlds on our route, while the Cylons stayed away. We could stop if we wanted and begin again."

"Would you?" Rene shrugged, not able to bring herself to really ask what she and Starbuck had been thinking, that once the baby came they might find a planet and start their own colony.

"Not while my father is still with us, but. . ." She hesitated.

"He's human," Rene filled in, finding even she couldn't admit that Adama would eventually die.

"Yes," Athena quickly said, "and miracles keep finding us, ones that aren't brought to us by Iblis or by a ship of lights filled with what some say are guardian angels."

"You don't trust the ship of lights?" Athena was the first to cast suspicion upon the superior beings. Rene wondered how to explain to her that it might be those same lights, if they were the ones giving Rene her dreams, that had brought the Galactica to Dilmun.

"They took our pilots, and when Apollo, Sheba and Starbuck started listing off coordinates, they weren't themselves. Someone or something had taken them over. Then Apollo disappeared and Starbuck followed him. My father had the Galactica leave the fleet, something he would never do before, to go save a world we'd never heard of. Both Apollo and Starbuck kept talking about a man in white who used them for his own benefit. I don't know about you, but that doesn't sound so different from Iblis, does it?"

"Huh," Rene said, taking a sip of the java to cover the chill of doubt that crept up her spine.

"I was taught that what made humans unique is our free will. The book of the word is full of stories about how in the end, we must make our own decisions, that we have dominion over our own lives. If something comes along to subvert that will, even if we benefit from it, can it really be good for us as a race of people?"

"So you don't trust the coordinates they were given?" Popping up in Rene's mind was the vision she had on Caprica, the blue planet, the instrument panel and the coordinates on the scanner, the voices of two men she didn't know. Who had given her those visions? Was it a good thing when they found Dilmun, or when she located the Galactica? She shook her head trying to chase the skepticism from her resolve. She had come here looking for someone to take the decisions from her and simplify her life, not muddle it even more.

"No, I don't, and neither does my father or we would have taken the Galactica up to full speed and found our mythical earth."

Rene nodded slowly, realizing Athena might be right. "What coordinates did they give?"

She hadn't expected Athena to say them, but she only hesitated a moment before recounting the bearing and the star system of nine planets. The warm java turned to ice in Rene's stomach. They were not the same coordinates as the ones she'd seen on the control panel of Peryton's ship as she gazed at the swirling blue of the planet in her view screen.

"I think I need to find Peryton. Um, thanks." The words seemed inaccurate but saying "holy frak!" over and over again didn't seem right either.

"Rene?" Athena had more to say, but Rene wasn't sure she could handle any more today.

"I've got to go."

Rene got to her feet heading for the door, Athena called to her, "Don't keep it from Starbuck. He won't be able to handle losing what he's always wanted."

Rene paused at the open door for a moment, noting once again all the people in Starbuck's life who truly cared about him. He'd had a family before she came along, he just hadn't realized it. "I won't. I won't let him do anything stupid either, but you have to make me a promise too. Don't let him throw it all away for me. I'm not worth it."

An evil grin bloomed on Athena's face. "You sound just like him. Two peas in a pod. I'll do what I can, and if I can't, I'll make sure my father takes care of him."

Rene felt her own lips rise into a smile. "Thank you." She turned to go, her steps steadier knowing she didn't have to be responsible for the hot shot reckless pilot who might follow her into the unknown. It was one less thing to worry about.

She entered the Electronics lab to find Wilker hunched over a circuit board, a soldering iron in his hand. "Can I help you?" he asked, pushing back a pair of magnifying glasses.

"Is Peryton here?"

The old man's head popped up from behind a computer screen that had blocked her view. He fixed her with his eyes that were not as distant and hazy as before. Hope flared brightly for a moment before the haze of uncertainty returned.

"Yes?" he asked cautiously.

"Yes," Rene replied simply.

"Yes?" he asked again, casting his gaze to Wilker, who also asked, "Yes?"

"Yes," she said louder and bolder.

"Everything?" Peryton pushed his luck with the one word, but she was done depending on luck.

"Everything."

"Then what are we waiting for? Sit down. Start at the beginning. Wilker, get a recording, I'll take notes."

She sat, waited for the two men to gather what they needed, and started where she had begun, "On Caprica…."