Chapter Two (Day Zero): ...Brat Viewing

At the underground complex of the office was a series of interrogation rooms. The largest one had been transformed into a padded and matted nursery to contain them. Even from a distance, all sorts of mewling, shushing and crashing noises were heard. The twelve huddled next to the viewing window and they were met with an eyeful of six children and the stressed ANBU to whom they were assigned.

The blond one whose hair is gathered into a high ponytail ran kept hurling plastic toys at his caregiver and yelling "Katsu!" Another hyperactive one was the blue-skinned toddler with small gills atop his cheeks as he was on his stomach crawling, chasing the adults' ankles as if he were a sea shark. The rag-doll looking boy, due to several stitches attaching his limbs, tried getting out of his ANBU caregiver's grasp to reach for his wallet at the back pocket. His lilac haired partner was being prevented by another ANBU to reach the bloody ankle of another caregiver, squirming as it yelled "Leh guh ov me yuh piz av'sha!" The remaining two in the corner were curiously silent in their confusing game of tag. The redhead was trying to get a hug from the Uchiha, while the black-haired boy with prominent lines on his face kept retreating, tapping the other boy's forehead. The redhead would stagger backwards, before getting up to resume his attempt.

The kunoichi are all fixated on their cuteness, while the males stared in awkwardness, trying to decipher how those brats were once the scariest shinobi alive and that some of them had even died in their hands but now they have to be a father to them.

"In the envelope is the file of the children I've assigned to you, the written accounts of most of what we know about their past lives and your apartment key. I expect you to pack the stuff you'll need and move in the apartment this afternoon. Then you'll take your kid home before nightfall." It took all effort to not drop their jaws. Everything was so sudden. Moreover, the pair they were assigned to are members they are not used to teaming up with, as if the Hokage was careful not to select close friends for some reason. "Shizune will be around to assist you." Were her final words before turned around and left.

Once the click of her heels had faded, the twelve formed a circle. Shikamaru requested "Let's open our envelopes together, shall we?" The others complied with a nod and removed the seal from their envelopes, slowly unsheathing the frontmost paper from the given stack. The names and the pictures greeted them.

"Deidara...huh? He looks...cute." Sai said. It's no secret that he does have a thing for blonds wearing a high ponytail. The next one to react was Kiba "Oh man, I hate the smell of fish!" Ino was equally disgusted. Of all the available toddler she had to deal with the most nonhuman-looking one. Why couldn't I have that handsome blackhaired child instead?

"Hmm this Kakuzu looks really sneaky, like he'd steal all our food.." Hummed Chouji. Tenten was a bit grossed out at his ragdoll-like appearance. " I can't see his face. Does our kid even need to eat?" Sakura dropped a sweat as she glimpsed at the familiar red hair "W-we're definitely getting Sasori." Although, she reasoned in her mind, the kid looked harmless and naive, and really craving companionship. She felt pity for the child who kept falling onto his rear at the touch of Itachi. She remembered her friend Chiyo baa-sama, who was this kid's supposed grandmother until they battled each other to the death.

Shikamaru was silently praying it wasn't his worst enemy...but it was. He almost dropped the paper in fury. Lee's fast reflex enabled him to catch it. "Are you alright,
Shikamaru-kun?" He gritted his teeth and glowered into the one-way viewing window "Just what the heck are you planning, Hokage-sama?!"

Naruto did not meet his with fury. He was pensive. "So Sasuke had killed you, huh?" He could hardly believe it. Hinata was next to him, indiscernible. Sakura gazed at him from the other side, somewhat sympathetic, but she shook her head, indicating to him that she thinks their beloved comrade would not be back soon. He forced a grin on his face "I can only imagine how he'll react at seeing you...so...small, dattebayo."

Neji cleared his throat "The godaime is only giving us until this afternoon to prepare. I suggest we leave now so we can return on time to pick up our respective children."
"Hang on. A lot had to be prepared in the house. We can't all just leave! What if none of us will pick up our kid?" Ino intervened. Shikamaru sighed and showed the address from his file "This is probably the address to our apartments. Do you guys live nearby?"

They pooled together their information "I think it's just the same building...like a compound or...complex. " Sakura observed. "Then it's best for us to assign amongst ourselves who gets to set up the house and who gets to pick up the kids." Shino added. The others agreed. But they were interrupted by Shikamaru's smirk. "Hang on,
I've got a better idea."

"This is not fair dattebayo!"

Naruto finds himself, a shadow clone, amongst his six other divided selves within the interrogation booth, chasing around six former mercenary nin-turned-children. Each of his shadow clone suffered the same fate of the ANBU helpers who, despite their porcelain masks, were obviously grateful and relieved as they left.

"Ouch! I said stop it! 'ttebayo!" the clone shouted when a stuffed toy hit him square in the face "Katsu!" the blonde little thing squeaked.

"Don't you dare I will kick your mouth, 'tteba-ouch! Ite!" The sharky toddler's triangular incisors latched onto his feet.

"Get away. You're annoying!" Kakuzu hurled a coin at Hidan, who's two front teeth was missing, shrieking "Shuh up stup'd assho! This gah's mine!" They climbed up, down and around one of the Naruto bunshin.

"What are you doing? Ow!" a young Itachi was perched atop the final clone's head, pinching his cheeks. When the clone stopped retreating, the waddling Sasori had finally caught up and hugged his leg, almost cooing in comfort. "It hurts! Teme..." Naruto growled. Itachi may have pinched too hard and the bunshin disappeared into a puff of smoke. The raven-haired boy never lost his ability as he landed upright, like a cat, onto the ground whereas Sasori plopped on his face. Itachi helped Sasori get up and when he did, the redhead began to cry. The other toddler, wise beyond his years, sat beside his friend and tried to dry his tears with his tiny fingers while at the same time deflecting the toys Deidara was throwing.

"Shizune-san rescue me, dattebayo!" the clone nearest to the observation window groaned. He was met with a polite and equally guilty refusal.

Down to five bunshin the other clone just sank at the corner, glad that no kid's charging at him yet. However Kisame's bunshin disappeared as well, after having his feet almost gnawed off. The clone sighed, having to replace the lost one. The disappeared kage bunshin delivered information (and discomfort) to Naruto, who's having a late lunch with the twelve, who still can't believe that they're under such circumstance.

The sky was orange when they've chosen to return. Half of them. The other half were already in the apartment, preparing dinner. The ones present to pick them up are Neji, Naruto, Kiba, Chouji, Shikamaru and Shino. Of the six, the jinchuuriki was the one who's distinctly tired. He had been receiving the fatigue of his shadow clones all afternoon and just as they'd arrive they're down to the last shadow clone, who had just caught Deidara and was about to bind him like the toddlers Kisame, Hidan and Kakuzu. Meanwhile, Itachi and Sasori were sleeping beside each other, using the splayed story books as their blanket. Seeing them in such a state had made it even harder for them to think that these brats were once their fearsome enemies.

"Oh, finally you guys are here!" Shizune greeted them while holding Tonton. Naruto's eyes were drooping when he quipped "I should be the one saying that." Shizune typed the password to unlock the door. The last clone, panting, dropped to his ass and disappeared in a poof.

Bound and gagged Deidara fell onto his side and began rolling back and forth. Sai avoided stepping on him, dancing back and forth, before he cautiously picked him up. He released a bird from his scroll, which pecked the blond from the ground, secured him in its beak and flew out of the door.

Hidan and Kakuzu, which were hung on the walls each with a kunai, just swung and exchanged angry stares at each other. "I'm sorry if I squeeze too hard." An oversized and overstretched hand grabbed Kakuzu from the wall whereas a shadow dislodged Hidan and carried him by the diaper amidst the ropes. The hotheaded ex-immortal brat never shuts up and hollers insults at the shadow-user through the gag "This is really, really troublesome." He shoved his hands on his pockets.

Kisame was on his side, trying to bite through his gag. "Don't drop him Akamaru or else Ino will scold us for sure." Kiba said as he pats the soft fur of his grown pup. Akamaru bit the gag slung over the back of his head and carried him like a lion does to a cub.

With Naruto's touch the wary but silent Itachi was roused. He scrutinized Naruto, who flashed him a kind warm smile and proceeded to carry him onto his arms. The child didn't put up much of a fight, even piggybacking on him as they left.

The last one in the room was Neji, who activated his Byakugan just to make sure that the kid was truly healthy. He marveled at the purity of the chakra system but promptly knelt over to pick him up. The moment the toddler felt another skin upon his he lurched forward, even with his eyes closed, and quickly clung to Neji's neck. The latter attempted to gently tug him but he had wrapped his arms like a chain, even fisting some of the silky chestnut strands close to the jounin's scalp. How could something this affectionate and charming even be a part of Akatsuki? Shizune flashed a pleased smile. "He's yours now." She said. He glanced again at the boy, asleep again, breath hitting the crook of his neck. Neji returned an awkward grin. "I wonder about about Sakura-san."

A/N: In case the pairings are not clear (NarutoxHinata,Itachi), (SakuraxNeji,Sasori), (InoxKiba,Kisame), (ShikamaruxLee,Hidan), (SaixShino,Deidara) & (TentenxChouji,Kakuzu)