Potential Infection

As their eyes met, Skye again felt frozen. She had no idea what to do or what to say (Should she leap dramatically to her feet? Saunter coolly over to meet him at the SUV? Roll her eyes and pretend she didn't see him?), so she took another bite of her pie. Big mistake. One of the cherries caught in her throat (probably trying to get past the lump that was there) and she choked. Before Grant could reach her, Skye quickly took a drink of water to clear her airway. It did the trick but her eyes were still streaming.

"You OK?" Grant asked. He'd removed his mask but was maintaining at least 6 feet of distance from her.

She nodded, unwilling to speak until she could do so smoothly. She was determined to not act like an idiot this time. He shoved his hands in his pockets, watching her in silence.

Skye took another drink and smiled slightly. "You knew I'd go for the pie, didn't you?"

Grant returned her smile fondly. "You always head for it whenever you're upset. You're like a heat-seeking missile, only with pie." His smile faded. "Clearly, seeing me upset you."

The two continued looking at each other until Skye scooted down to the very edge of the bench and waved her hand toward the opposite end. "Take a seat, stay awhile."

Grant nodded and sat down, folded his arms on the table in front of him and leaned towards her. "How are you?" he asked softly.

Skye closed her mouth, telling herself not to be surprised by this new Grant. Or maybe it was the old one, she didn't really know. All she knew was that The Robot, the T-1000 she'd known as her teammate, wasn't much for emotion or gentleness. That guy had been all business all the time. Skye wanted to kick herself for not recognizing earlier that it was just a cover, a way for him to accomplish his mission without getting caught or distracted. The Real Grant was obviously someone different.

"Well, this pandemic really sucks," she said mildly as she took another small bite of her pie, looking everywhere but at him.

Grant nodded. "It does. But that's not an answer."

Suddenly, she was furious. How dare he be OK when I'm not! How dare he demand answers from me! "You really want to know how I am?" she asked in an aggressive tone.

A hint of wariness entered his eyes. "That's why I asked," he replied steadily but Skye could see him tense. That made her even angrier. He has some nerve!

"Hmm….let's see," she said sarcastically. "My SO – the one person I counted on, someone I thought cared about me – tried to seduce me, kidnapped me, shot at me when I was escaping, and then held me at gunpoint as he threatened to wake something inside of me. Which by the way, sounded if not rape-y then definitely creepy. And if that wasn't bad enough, he left without a word and never tried to get in touch."

Grant looked guilty but maintained eye contact with her. "Skye, I…"

But Skye was on a roll. There was no way she was going to let him get a word in edgewise until she was finished. "All of that left me feeling abandoned, again (she took great care to emphasize that word and was rewarded by a flinch from him), and wondering how I could've been such an idiot to fall for someone who obviously didn't care for me the same way."

Grant opened his mouth but she held her hand up to stop him. "Now I'm stuck with all these feelings about you that I shouldn't have: missing you like crazy, wishing you were still my SO, having dreams about you that I can't do anything about, and feeling guilty about how you were treated even though none of that was my fault." Her voice lowered for a second and she looked away from him. "Although, OK, I shouldn't have said that I hoped Garrett would order you to walk into traffic. I don't want anything bad to happen to you."

She resumed her loud voice and eye contact as she moved down the bench until she was sitting across from him. "And I can't even tell my friends – people who truly care about me – about any of this because all of them still hate you and rightfully so because you killed people, dropped FitzSimmons into the ocean and betrayed every one of us for a mad man who abused you! And to top it all off, we've been enduring this stupid pandemic which is driving me crazy because there's no end in sight!" Skye leapt to her feet, hands on the picnic table, leaning into his face. "You want to know how I'm doing?" she roared. "NOT WELL!"

Grant stared at her, a pained expression on his face, until he finally dropped his eyes. Skye felt a moment of triumph. Damn right, he should feel guilty! When he looked back up, she was startled to see tears in his eyes.

"I deserved that. All that and more. You're absolutely right to be angry with me." He gestured to the parking lot. "If you want me to, I'll go and never bother you again."

Skye considered this for a few seconds, then dropped into the seat across from him with a huff. "I don't want you to go. I just needed to get that out." She glanced guiltily at her previous place at the edge of the bench away from him, tilting her head towards it. "Should I go back there?" She didn't want to though. This was the closest they'd been in forever and, despite her anger, she was enjoying it. He was close enough to touch.

Grant smiled faintly. "There's no use. If either of us was infected, the other would be now too. You were, to coin a phrase, spitting mad which, of course, is one way how it spreads."

She nodded, chuckling a little. Neither of them said anything as Skye got up, retrieved her pie and water and returned to her seat across from him. "You can talk now if you want," she said as she took another bite of pie.

"As long as I have permission," he said with a teasing smile. It faded though as he captured her gaze, looking so earnest that she had to hold back a sob. This was the Grant she remembered, the one she'd longed for all this time. "I'm sorry. I realize that in no way makes up for anything I did and I can't change what happened but I am very, very sorry." He paused, taking a deep breath. "If you know about my history, then you're aware of how much leverage John had over me. I thought I owed him everything, even my life." He sighed. "But you're right. He was a mad man who abused me. I see that now." He looked down at the table for a second and then back at Skye. "I did a lot of things for him that I regretted doing but my biggest regret is how much I hurt you."

Skye didn't realize she was crying until the tears landed on the table in front of her. Grant reached over and gently wiped them away with his thumbs. Skye shivered slightly at how gentle he was.

"I wish I could make it up to you," he whispered. "You're wrong about me not feeling the same way," he continued in a low voice. He was so quiet that if Skye had returned to her seat 6 feet apart, she couldn't have heard him. "I did. I still do. Even John noticed. That's why he made sure to work with the team so often. He felt his hold on me slipping because of you and he was determined not to let that happen."

Skye told herself that she should let him have his time to explain uninterrupted, that he deserved the same courtesy he'd given her. But she couldn't help herself. "But we were your family, Grant, the people who cared for you the most. Garrett may have expected you to help him but we needed you too. After he was captured, after we kissed for the first time, you could've just let him go and come back to me." Her throat dry, Skye leaned forward to ask the question that was the story of her life. "Why didn't you choose me?"

Grant tentatively took her hand that had been gripping the table, rubbing his thumb soothingly against her skin. "I wanted to. Skye, you have no idea how much I wanted to, especially after we kissed. But I was so arrogant, so sure I could do both. I'd spent years imagining John cared about me, that I owed him for how much he'd given me. I couldn't just forget about that. I truly believed that if I could just keep the team safe while I helped him find a cure, then I'd be free to be with you for real. That's why I let May leave Providence alive. It's why I dumped FitzSimmons in the ocean. John wanted me to cross them off and I didn't have any other way to save their lives. I knew they'd find a way to survive and they did."

Skye started to tell him about Fitz's brain damage but stopped herself. Now was not the time. That would be a story for later.

Grant shook his head. "Providence was its own kind of torture. I knew you were going to find out about me soon and it felt like I was watching the team disintegrate. Being with you made it seem like it was going to be OK." He looked deep into her eyes. It felt like he was seeing into her very soul. "I wasn't trying to seduce you, Skye. Everything I felt for you was real. It still is. You have no idea how much I wanted to be with you, to finish that drink, but kidnapping you was the only way I could get Garrett the hard drive and keep you off his radar. I thought that once he had it, he'd lose interest in you." Grant paused, searching her expression. "I never would've hurt you. I hope you believe that. When you and Coulson were escaping, I wasn't shooting to kill. You know me better than that. If I'd wanted to shoot you, you'd be dead. I just wanted to prevent you from leaving so I could keep you safe." He snorted lightly. "I should've known Coulson would have something up his sleeve."

She nodded. His explanation made sense. A sniper as skilled as Grant surely would've been able to hit them a few times, especially at such close range. She'd thought so even at the time and had been puzzled because there didn't seem to be a good explanation for his behavior.

Grant looked away, his hand tightening on hers. "What happened at Cybertech was terrible. Everything kept getting worse. John was acting insane and I was going crazy because I realized that I couldn't save him and protect the team. I didn't know what to do." He turned back to look at her again, his eyes filled with tears. "What I said to you wasn't a threat although I can see why you thought so. It was…stupid of me. I was hoping we could find a way to be together, that maybe if you thought you were a monster, you'd forgive me for being one too." He abruptly let go of her hand and sat back, his expression one of deep sorrow. "I'm sorry, Skye. I'm sorry for it all. I completely understand if you never want to see me again."

Skye stared at him, her mind trying to process everything he'd just told her. Grant had said everything she'd ever wanted to hear him say, looking damn good as he said it too. But she had no idea how to respond to his story. Almost unbidden, her hand – the one that still tingled from where he'd been touching it – rose to caress the side of his face. As she gazed into his wonderfully expressive and beautiful eyes, all the feelings she'd been refusing to deal with, flowed over her. The lust she'd felt at Providence, the fury while they drank coffee at the café, the terror during the plane ride with Deathlok and Grant, the disdain when facing him down at Cybertech, and the longing for him she'd felt ever since.

Suddenly, she knew exactly what she wanted to say. "Grant, if I didn't want to forgive you, I'd never have asked you to sit down."

He let out a breath, one she realized he'd been holding while waiting for her response. He smiled, a tentative one that almost seemed shy. "So where do we go from here?"