Depression

Skye smiled as she sent Grant his daily email. He was still too sick to read but she hoped he'd be able manage it in a few days. She couldn't wait to get his replies. They didn't have to hide their relationship anymore and his medical crisis had passed. Grant was breathing on his own, his fever was gone, and many of his Covid-related symptoms were going away.

I'm sure you know all about sleep deprivation, SuperSpy, but I never want to go through that again! It sucks! I felt like the walking dead and Trip tells me I looked even worse. I could barely concentrate on anything, so it's lucky Coulson and May didn't have anything for me to do. I'm not sure how I got through the last week because, to be honest, everything's a blur. The only thing I remember is how scared I was that you wouldn't get better. If I didn't know before that I'm in love with you, I definitely know it now!

Things had changed for the better since Grant started breathing on his own. Not only was Grant improving physically but so was Skye. After days of not eating or sleeping much, she was taking better care of herself. Although she knew intellectually the importance of sleep and nutrition, she was surprised at how big of a difference it made to her energy level and mood when she was getting enough of both. She woke refreshed, her workouts became more satisfying, she no longer snapped at her friends, and she even laughed a few times, especially when talking with Kara.

Skye spoke daily to Kara via computer. Kara was still in quarantine and would be for a while. She'd finally tested negative for Covid several days before but wouldn't be released from lockdown until she'd had 10 Covid-free days. Her cough was lingering but not nearly as bad as before. Similarly, her fatigue had lessened but she remained tired. To top it all off, Kara was bored and desperate for something to do. Skye first started talking with her for Grant's sake but, once she discovered Kara had a wicked sense of humor and was always up for telling funny stories about him and the Avengers, their conversations quickly became the highlight of her day.

"Grant's way too serious," Kara told Skye with a dismissive wave of her hand, "so loosening him up became my secondary mission."

Skye grinned. "I know, right? It took me forever to get him to smile and that was with me working on him every day!" She cocked her head quizzically. "How'd you do it? He had to be in rough shape when you met him."

"It was bad. Garrett really did a number on him" Kara replied. She smiled sadly. Skye suddenly gained a deeper understanding of just why Grant valued Kara so much. Although she was fun to be around and a skilled agent, she also cared deeply about him. He needed that, especially back when they first met. "Grant was starting to pull away from him so he could be with you but, before he truly could, Garrett died. That really screwed with his head because Grant thought it was his fault. Keeping Garrett alive was his entire reason for living since he was 15 years old. Can you imagine? That's a lot to carry even without believing his whole team hated him. He was a mess."

Skye looked away, her eyes filling with tears. How she wished she'd known this back then. She would've done a lot of things differently.

"Hey! That wasn't your fault," Kara said. "You couldn't have known what was going on. SHIELD didn't even know and Grant certainly wasn't going to tell you."

"I know but…. I just wish things had been different," Skye whispered. "He's had such a miserable life and he deserves better."

"He does and he's going to get a better life," Kara replied firmly. "It hasn't been all bad. I think he enjoyed his time with SHIELD, especially when he was on the Bus with you and the rest of the team. And, underneath it all, Grant has a great sense of humor. I could tell that immediately, so I just started working with it."

"How? You didn't, by chance, play any Battleship did you?"

Kara looked a little puzzled. "No, no Battleship. It was just little things at first, kind of like priming a pump. I made him watch sitcoms, stand-up routines, and funny movies with me. And let me tell you, he was a tough nut to crack! At first, it was just about offering relief from all the angst of his therapy but…"

"Therapy?" Skye interrupted. "Grant was in counseling?" Skye struggled to get her head around Grant opening up to a therapist. The Grant she knew never wanted to talk about himself which, when if she thought about it, was incredibly unhealthy.

"Yeah, we all had to be. It's a requirement of being in the Spies R Us group since we all were brainwashed at some point. Nat in particular is adamant about it. If anyone misses a therapy appointment, they get in big trouble. She doesn't want us to go through what she did."

Skye nodded thoughtfully. That matched with her perception of the woman who'd helped her go to sleep. Who knew the Black Widow, a skilled assassin, could be so maternal. "Speaking of the Avengers, I haven't seen any of them around in a few days. Are they on a mission or something?"

"Steve sent me a message letting me know they were going to be out of contact for a while." She shrugged. "It happens. They'll be back soon." Skye didn't like the mischievous glint that suddenly appeared in Kara's eyes. "Why? Are you waiting for another bedtime story? Or maybe you're hoping for another look at Captain America. Should Grant be worried?"

"Kara!" In spite of her outrage, Skye couldn't help grinning. Although Grant had nothing to worry about, Steve Rogers was definitely worth another look or two. Or more. She wouldn't mind another bedtime story either.

Kara yawned. "I'm beat, Skye. I think I'm going to take a nap. Tell Dr. Simmons I said hi!"

Skye rolled her eyes as Kara clicked off the call. Kara saw Jemma daily, so there was no need to send her regards. Realizing she would be cutting it close if she wanted to be on time for her lunch with Jemma, she closed her computer and took to the halls at a run.

Although she was glad that she and Jemma were able to spend time together again (Jemma hadn't had much time off lately), there was an undefinable undercurrent of tension to their interactions now. It was so subtle that Skye wasn't even certain it was there but it still made her wary.

As they ate, Jemma gave Skye a quick medical update on Grant.

"This is all sounding good," Skye said. "When can I see him?"

Jemma frowned before taking a bite of her sandwich. "Not for a while, I'm afraid. Just because his fever has abated and his symptoms are subsiding doesn't mean Agent Ward isn't still contagious."

"I get it. No worries," Skye said casually. "I'll just have to get all PPE-ed up like I did when he and Kara first arrived."

Jemma put down her sandwich, looking a Skye seriously. "I don't think you do get it, Skye. We're transferring Agent Ward out of our makeshift ICU and into another area so as to cut down on the potential for contagion and give the medical team a break. We're not really set up for this."

"Why can't I visit him in the other area?" Skye frowned. Her niggling suspicion that things weren't right was getting stronger.

"You might be able to but you'll have to get it cleared by Agent Coulson." Seemingly unconcerned, Jemma picked up her sandwich again and resumed eating.

Skye just stared at her. Something wasn't right. "By Coulson? Why? Aren't you in charge of medical anymore?"

"Yes, of course I am, but Agent Ward's being transferred into Vault B and there are strict protocols around that area."

Unfortunately, Skye chose that moment to take a drink of water and it went down the wrong way when she inhaled sharply. She spent the next several minutes coughing and spluttering until she could speak again. "Why the hell is he being put in Vault B?"

"As I mentioned, the medical team needs a break and Vault B narrows down the area we need to monitor. Plus it has the forcefield around it that keeps out any possible pathogens," she said calmly. Jemma took another bite of her sandwich, then looked over at Skye. Her eyes widened as she seemed to take in Skye's distress. "But don't worry, Skye. He'll be completely safe in there."

"Safe, my ass!" Skye muttered as she marched down the hall to Coulson's office. She'd finished her lunch with Jemma – just barely – then immediately set off to vent her spleen on Coulson. With her anger hot and keeping her in motion, Skye could ignore the fear growing in her belly. This wasn't going well at all. The team's hostility towards Grant, Coulson's initial refusal to allow him to be treated, Jemma's anger and reluctance to help Grant all flashed in her mind, one scene after another. How naïve she'd been to think they'd gotten over everything just because Grant almost died. Now that he was getting better, were they really going to exact revenge?

Coulson looked up at her knock, motioning Skye into the room. It'd taken all her willpower not to simply barge in and demand he listen but she remembered her position just in time. She wouldn't be able to help Grant if she was in trouble with Coulson. Skye struggled to clear her angry scowl and instead have a neutral expression. Coulson's calm demeanor made her think she was succeeding.

"Skye! I haven't seen you in a while. Are you ready to get back to work?"

She nodded cautiously. She'd been so consumed with Grant's condition and engaging in self-care that the idea of her resuming her duties hadn't even occurred to her. "That and wondering when I can see Grant. Jemma said I had to check with you."

Skye had to hand it to him: Coulson was good. To the casual observer, his placid expression didn't change. Even she wouldn't have caught the slight narrowing of the eyes or the tightening of the mouth if she hadn't been watching him so closely.

"Simmons told you about Vault B." His tone sounded resigned, not full of the anger Skye just realized was still there.

She was startled to recall that, while neither he nor May had given her assignments or bothered her while Grant was so ill, they hadn't checked to see how she was doing either. It was clear that with the Avengers incommunicado, Skye was now Grant's only advocate. Kara would be on her side of course but held no sway at the Playground. She reminded herself to be cautious, to choose her words with care and not rage at him like she desperately wanted to do.

"Yeah, she did. I'm confused about why he's not going into one of the individual rooms like the one Kara has. Wouldn't that make it easier for the medical team to treat him? And I don't know how good the Wifi is in the vaults. That's going to make it hard for him to have internet access."

"Agent Palamas didn't have Covid as badly as Agent Ward, so it wasn't as dangerous to have her in a room instead of one of the vaults. And regardless of the quality of the wifi, I'm not sure how advisable it is for Agent Ward to have internet access. You may have forgotten but Grant Ward was working for the other side. He's going to have to answer for that." Coulson's tone started off lightly but got rougher when he started talking about Hydra and Grant's crimes.

"I understand but shouldn't that be worked out once he's completely healthy?" Coulson's expression looked unyielding, so Skye decided to try another tactic. "I'm just worried about him, DC. He almost died! And from what I hear about Covid, you're not always out of the woods once you start getting better. You can always relapse."

Coulson's expression didn't change as he stood, indicating their conversation was over. "Agent Ward will be given the best medical treatment we have to offer. But he's not going to get all the comforts of home. He's still the same person who betrayed SHIELD, killed good agents, and dropped FitzSimmons into the ocean," he said in a clipped tone. "I realize you have feelings for him, Skye, but that doesn't mean he won't be held accountable."

"DC, I…"

"That will be all. When we have an assignment for you, I'll let you know."

Skye nodded glumly, feeling like things couldn't have gone worse. At the doorway, she turned, "Can I at least visit him?"

Coulson sat back down and didn't look up. "Not right now."

Grant, I'm so sorry they moved you into Vault B. I tried to stop it. When that failed, I tried to at least get to visit. Coulson told me no. The Avengers are out of contact and, sadly, no but me listens to Kara. You're just going to have to get through it until I can figure something else out. And I know you're not getting my emails at the moment but, when you do, I hope you know I'm trying my best and I'm not giving up!

"They're not letting you see him? At all?" Kara flopped back onto her pillows, crossing her arms. Her eyes snapped dangerously, her expression flattening. For the first time, Skye saw Agent 33 and realized how dangerous she could be.

Skye allowed several days to go by since her conversation with Coulson before telling Kara what was going on. She knew there was nothing the other woman could do, so it didn't make sense to upset her while she was still healing. However, after days of appealing to everyone she could think of to help her and getting nowhere, Skye was at her wit's end.

"I don't know what else to do, Kara. I badger Jemma and Trip every day to find out how he is. Jemma only gives me his medical condition but Trip admitted Grant isn't healing as fast as expected. He's not eating much and yesterday he pulled out all the wires attached to him and tried to get out of bed."

"What happened?"

"It triggered some alarm, so they got there as fast as they could to put him back in bed. Which wasn't very fast since they had to put on their PPE. Apparently, Grant was so exhausted he couldn't do much besides lay on the floor and wait for them to put him back in bed."

Kara made a face. "I can relate." She sighed in frustration, swinging her legs over the bed like she was going to get up. "If only I could get out of here! I feel so damn helpless!"

"I am out and I'm still not able to do anything!" Skye couldn't keep her feelings at bay any longer. Tears ran down her cheeks.

Kara gave her a considering look, then put her legs back on the bed. "Hey! It's going to be fine, Skye. Grant's a survivor; he'll bounce back in no time."

Skye started crying in earnest. "He's been knocked down so many times. What if this is one time too many?"

"I refuse to believe that, especially not now that you all found each other again." She paused, thinking hard. "OK, here's what we're going to do. You're going to talk with Trip. He doesn't have a bad history with Grant, so he's more objective. He's also a specialist and, although he doesn't act like it all the time, he can make things happen when he needs to. Tell him how worried you are about Grant. Really lay it on thick. Talk about his family and his history with Garrett and how he just started dealing with all that."

"I can do that, especially since I already told Trip about Grant's background. And, of course, he already knows about Garrett," Skye said, brushing her tears away. "What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to work on Jemma."

Skye snorted. "How? I've already tried everything I could think of."

Kara gave a lopsided smile. "By appealing to her professional vanity. If Grant isn't doing as well as expected, maybe she'll want to do everything she can to maximize outcomes. I mean, she pulled a severe Covid patient back from the brink. From what I hear, hardly anyone else has been able to do that. But if he dies or gets injured, that's not going to look as good." She caught Skye's expression. "Not that I think it's going to happen; I just want her to worry that it could."

Skye nodded thoughtfully. Jemma did have a healthy ego, so it was possible that might work. And Trip had shown time and again how caring he was.

Contrary to Skye's fears, Kara's plan worked even better than they hoped it would. Jemma and Trip must've been convincing because the next day found Skye practically leaping with excitement down the stairs in Vault B. Since the barrier was up and purportedly kept out any pathogens, she didn't have to wear any PPE, including a mask. Skye was extremely grateful for this small mercy as she wanted to talk with Grant as normally as possible. And there was little that was normal in Vault B. She blanched as she took in the dark, cheerless basement with only a chair to interrupt the blank space outside the cell. This was no place for a sick person!

She was relieved they moved Grant's hospital bed into the cell instead of forcing him to lay on the usual cell bed. However, it was a tight squeeze. Skye frowned at how crowded the cell was with all the machines and medical paraphernalia crammed in beside the bed. Even if Grant felt strong enough to walk around, he couldn't.

Skye eagerly peered at the bed, desperate for her first look at Grant in days. She knew he wouldn't look healthy but was still shocked by how pale, weak, and listless he appeared. The entire time she'd known him, Grant had always seemed in control, moving gracefully with purpose, his eyes animated as he assessed threats, laughed with his teammates or, more recently, sparked with desire. Now they just seemed dull as he glanced over to see Skye standing as close to the barrier as possible.

"Hey there," she said, her voice cracking. Although she'd longed for days for the chance to see and talk with him, his shrunken appearance totally threw her. She didn't know what she could say to make him feel better, especially since he'd just gone from fighting for his life to being shoved into a prison cell. She smiled nervously. "You wouldn't believe what it took to get a chance to see you!"

Skye expected him to smile or at least try to say a few words. Jemma had warned her that his throat was still bound to be sore from the ventilator. Grant could talk in a raspy voice but was able to say only a few words at a time. He got winded easily from the lung problems. But this was Grant: he'd find a way.

Without even changing expression, Grant turned his face to the wall.