Recovery

Over the next few days, Skye skulked in the background as Andrew met with Jemma, Trip, Fitz, Kara, May, Bobbi, and Coulson. She was surprised by the presence of Bobbi on Andrew's list of interviews but, upon further reflection, realized Bobbi probably was offering information about Hydra given how much time she'd spent undercover in the organization. Remembering Kara's statements about doubles, Skye briefly flirted with the idea that Bobbi was the one who sold Kara out. No, that's not possible! Bobbi was incredibly skilled and thoughtful. She had a great sense of humor, was intensely loyal, and lived by a strict code of ethics. Bobbi always tries to do the right thing. Skye convinced herself that if Bobbi had accidentally hurt Kara, she would've told Coulson and owned up to it, even tried to do something to help and atone for her mistake.

Still, the idea of someone she knew being so duplicitous bothered her as did the hypocrisy. Everyone was so angry at Ward for the secrets he'd kept, the things he'd done in service to Garrett, but others had done that much and more, often for less of a good reason. During her moments in the shadows, trying to follow Andrew's footsteps without being seen, hiding from Coulson's inevitable wrath, Skye found herself re-evaluating SHIELD. She desperately wanted someone to talk to about these new thoughts but the only two people she trusted to understand – Grant and Kara – were too heavily watched for her to feel comfortable having a sensitive conversation with them.

Who else would understand? Skye dispassionately analyzed each of her closest friends. FitzSimmons were in SHIELD for the science. Sure, they cared about SHIELD's mission of protection and service but they were focused more on the technology than the relationships.

Coulson and May absolutely believed in the rightness of SHIELD's methods. Even when they didn't like how things worked (like when Coulson was furious with May for spying on him for Nick Fury), they eventually let go of their anger for the good of the organization. How many times had Skye heard May say, "SHIELD is about sacrifice, not for you or me but for the greater good"? At the time, that felt great to hear, to be working in service of an organization that had noble goals. Upon further reflection though, it sounded alarming.

Who decided what the 'greater good' was? How many people was it OK to hurt in service of the greater good? Skye had once believed in the Rising Tide's mission too. She'd totally been on board with allowing all information to be free until she started working for SHIELD. Seeing why the agency kept certain things secret helped her realize that total freedom of information was too simplistic and often dangerous. She now wondered whether the same thing was true about the greater good. But Coulson and May didn't wonder; they were true believers. They wouldn't understand her doubts.

Trip was practically born and raised in SHIELD. It was unlikely he'd ever go against his family's heritage. Mack wasn't an option either. While Skye liked him a lot, she didn't know him well enough to trust his response to her misgivings. She didn't know enough about Bobbi either. What she did know was, like Coulson and May, Bobbi had given up a lot personally to remain in SHIELD. Skye met enough people in the Rising Tide to know that those who give up a lot must ensure those sacrifices were worth it. That often means their morality becomes rigid, that they view "rightness" through the lens of their organization. Besides, there was still that niggling suspicion about Bobbi being the one who ratted out Kara. She'd acted kind of weird during that one briefing. So, Bobbi was out as confidante.

That left only one person on base who didn't appear to wholeheartedly love SHIELD, who viewed it as a job instead of a calling. Skye sighed. Hunter. She found him in the kitchen, head stuck in the refrigerator as he contemplated their food situation.

"Anything good in there?"

"No, just rabbit food. It may be ideal for Bob but I prefer my food a little more interesting," Hunter said as he straightened up. His face took on a far away, wistful expression. "What I wouldn't give for a cheeseburger or a proper fish and chips."

Skye leaned forward, speaking in a low tone, "I can't help you with either of those but I did sneak in a frozen pizza during my last run." She smirked at Hunter's widened eyes. Got him! "You game?"

"Hell yeah!" He glanced around at the empty kitchen and hallway. "How are we going to do this? I'm not fond of sharing."

"Take some beers out to the clearing to the right of the entrance. I'll heat up the pizza and meet you there in about 20 minutes."

Hunter gave her a two-fingered mocking salute and left. Skye hurriedly got out the pizza and put it in the oven. Keeping watch over the pie (it wouldn't do for someone else to start sniffing around) gave her enough time to consider how she wanted to approach Hunter. She remembered like it was yesterday Hunter telling her she needed an exit strategy from SHIELD. At the time, such an idea was unthinkable but now she could see his point.

Hunter was sitting on a thick fallen log already halfway through his first beer – the man could really put it away – when Skye showed up with the piping hot pizza. She watched his eyes light up as the gooey cheese stretched out from the slice she handed to him. The two ate contentedly for a few minutes.

Hunter finished his second slice, then drained the rest of his beer and wiped his mouth. "So…you want to tell me what this is really about?"

Skye almost choked. Hunter was such a brat that it was easy to forget how sharp he was. She smiled guiltily at him. "I wanted to talk with you about something but I didn't want to be overheard."

"That's obvious, luv." He made a show of looking around at the empty clearing. "Let's hear it then."

"Do you remember when you told me SHIELD is just a job?"

"Course I do. If I recall, you said SHIELD was your life." He smirked and although her expression remained neutral, Skye immediately wanted to kill him. "Am I to take it you've changed your mind?"

"Let's just say I have some doubts that weren't clear to me back then."

"Your doubts wouldn't have something to do with a certain bloke currently being held in Vault D, would they?"

"He's part of it." Skye looked curiously at Hunter's placid expression. Although she'd chosen him as a confidante because she wanted an objective perspective, it just struck her that he was a true outsider. What had once made Skye impatient with him (how could he not see the moral imperative in their missions?) now was a huge asset. "You joined SHIELD after Grant left. What do you think about how they're treating him?"

Hunter ate another piece of pizza, chewing thoughtfully. "It's different for me. I was a merc before I decided to join SHIELD. Mercenaries are always in it for the money; nobility isn't our concern. That gives us a clarity that true believers like you don't always have."

Skye decided to let the "true believers" description pass unchallenged; she had bigger fish to fry. "And? What does your 'clarity' tell you about Grant?"

"That it's a bad idea for the people you've hurt to be in charge of your punishment. You end up paying for their emotions instead of getting justice, let alone mercy."

Skye nodded, trying to ignore her feelings of disloyalty to her friends who truly were hurt by Grant.

"In Ward's case, it seems like he's getting punished for things other people get a pass on."

"Yeah, it really does." Skye sat quietly, thinking that over. Coulson was mad at May because of her spying on him but he got over it. The Black Widow once killed SHIELD agents in the service of another agency but not only was she forgiven, she was now practically revered. "Why do you think they're treating Grant differently?"

"Probably because they feel stupid. It's fine when we put one over on other agencies; that's expected. But when one of our own plays us? That's unforgiveable." He shrugged. "Although they'd never admit it, Ward hurt their pride because they never saw it coming."

"I never saw it coming either and I was able to forgive him."

"Yeah, but you were a trainee, luv. They're professionals," Hunter said in a snobbish voice.

"It probably helped I'd fallen in love with him."

Hunter shook his head, pointing his empty beer bottle at her. "You, he hurt personally. That's why you can forgive him."

"That doesn't make any sense. Grant betrayed FitzSimmons' trust and even dumped them in the ocean! He hurt them personally too and they haven't forgiven him."

"But he didn't hurt them personally. Everyone knows that pod was supposed to float. What they can't get over is that Ward hurt SHIELD."

Skye was confused. "If that's true, why are the Avengers giving him a second chance?"

Hunter snorted. "Because they aren't SHIELD, luv. They work with SHIELD but they don't believe in it like Coulson and crew. The Avengers have different priorities. SHIELD's all about the mission, not the person next to you." He grabbed another beer and took a sip. "Besides, at least one or two of them have been in Ward's position. They understand what it's like to be brainwashed."

She nodded and the two sat in silence for a while. Skye was in deep thought, mulling over what he'd said and how it fit in with her situation. He was right about all of it, even the empathy from the Avengers. Skye understood that part too. While she'd never been brainwashed, she knew how easily it could've happened to her. Vulnerable people make for easy targets and both she and Grant had been ripe for the picking. None of the others had that kind of background; they all had people who loved them. Perhaps that made it harder for them to understand but none of them had even tried. Trip tried somewhat but only because he'd known Garrett.

Skye looked up, watching Hunter while he ate the rest of the pizza and sipped steadily on his beer. Although he looked unconcerned, she no longer was fooled. She suspected he played the part of the uncaring merc so he could pretend not to feel as much as he did.

"Thanks for talking with me. It means a lot." He nodded, attempting to look casual. "What should I do now?"

Hunter shrugged. "I already told you: find an exit strategy."

"It's just that easy? You're fine leaving people who care about you at any time?"

"Obviously not or I'd be gone already. But I have to look out for myself. If I don't, who will?"

Skye smirked a bit, not buying Hunter's Lone Wolf persona anymore. "Umm….Bobbi? Isn't that who got you into SHIELD in the first place?"

Hunter grinned, caught. "OK, fine. Love makes you do stupid things. So I guess you're asking how you can help Ward."

She nodded. "Coulson won't listen to me anymore and Grant's refusing to even talk."

"Well, that's why you called in May's ex, isn't it?"

Yep, that was exactly why. Andrew wasn't a true believer, at least not in SHIELD, and he definitely cared about people as individuals, so he'd do the right thing. Skye just had to have faith that he'd help Grant. Now the burning question concerned Grant. Why was he trying to hurt himself? Andrew likely wouldn't tell her, so she'd have to find answers another way.

Patience had never been one of Skye's virtues and she was getting increasingly antsy. The Avengers were still incommunicado and Andrew had yet to visit Grant. Although she was thrilled Andrew was being so thorough by interviewing everyone else first, Grant wasn't getting any better (he still refused to say anything during her visits) and time wasn't on her side. Coulson hadn't yet called her on the carpet for going around him (he likely was waiting until Andrew was gone) but his tolerance wouldn't last forever.

Hey Superspy! I just heard Andrew's having a talk with you. He's been in there for hours. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that he can help you figure out whatever you need to in order to come back to me. He's kind of my last hope which is why I risked a lot to get him to the Playground. Coulson's really mad at me but I don't care. It's killing me to see you like this. I want the real Grant back, so much that I almost did something you might not have been able to forgive me for. I know Andrew won't betray your confidence, so I almost bugged Vault D. I was just so afraid you wouldn't tell me what's truly upsetting you because of some ridiculous belief that you shouldn't bother me with your problems or I'm better off without you. For the record, both ideas are stupid. We're partners now and that means dealing with the good and the bad.

I didn't do it though. I was so close. I even had all the equipment rigged up, ready to go. All I had to do was sneak into Vault D's equipment room. But then I started thinking about secrets, privacy, and trust and how I can't take away your right to decide if, when, or what you want me to know. I guess I'm going to have to trust that you'll tell me eventually. I'll be honest: this trust thing really sucks! If you don't start telling me what's going on with you, I'm going to be hella mad! And for what it's worth, I fully expect you to be proud of me for my personal growth.

The day after Andrew met with Grant, Skye got a glimpse of the old Grant, the one she fell in love with. Instead of turning his face to the wall or just staring at her without expression, she saw a brief smile after she made a joke. Skye tried not to make a big deal out of it – to him or to herself – but she was thrilled, especially since it wasn't even one of her better jokes. Maybe there was hope. The following day, Skye got an even bigger surprise: Grant spoke.

She'd been in the midst of telling him how Kara was doing once she'd finally been able to get out of isolation when she heard a slight noise, barely a whisper. Skye immediately stopped talking. "Wait. Did you actually say something?"

Grant smiled slightly, probably because of the disbelieving tone in her voice. "Yes." His voice was quiet and gravelly due to lack of use but it sounded like heaven to her. "I'm sorry."

Skye approached the barrier eagerly but backed away a little when it lit up. "Sorry for what?"

"Sorry for putting you through hell." His voice was getting stronger the longer he talked. "I know they told you about how I….went through a rough patch. I'm better now."

Skye knew she should be relieved but all she felt was anger. "You're damn right I went through hell! First you get Covid and almost die. If that wasn't bad enough – and, believe me, it was – then you try to kill yourself. I get that it's been hard, Grant, but don't any of our plans count for anything? Don't WE count for anything?"

"Of course, we do. I just wanted you to know I'm through all that. After Andrew and I talked, I got clear-headed, accepting of who I am, what I've done and why."

She waited, sure he'd explain more but soon it became apparent he was done talking. Skye wanted to roll her eyes and yell at him but Grant was clearly still sick (she could see him catching his breath after speaking), so she couldn't. She contented herself with saying impatiently, "And?"

He smiled slightly again, clearly entertained by her poorly-concealed irritation. "And I'm ready to fight."

Skye smiled too. "It's about damn time!"