Chapter 2: Count Olaf
I sat in the car while Mr. Poe chided me for running away again. He saw me as a run away, a rebellious orphan who set fire to a shed. I wasn't of course. I wasn't a bad kid. Well, at least that's what Madame Bovary told me over and over again no matter how much the rest of the school taunted and teased me. But she was busy with her affairs she told me though I didn't know what they were because she never left the property and lived a simple existence.
"Madame Bovary was wrong about you," Mr. Poe said. "You are trouble. She couldn't see it because she was so infatuated by you but I know now that the only way to fix it is to send you to live with the Baudelaires. I know them. They're good children. They lost their home in a fire as you saw. They'll be a good influence on you. You shouldn't be alone. No. I know that now. Count Olaf will raise you right, he will and will teach you discipline, which is what you need as a child so you don't grow up to be more troublesome. A broken home makes a broken child. I should know. I disciplined my own children for similar things. But of course their home is perfectly sound. Yours however was not."
"When will I meet the Baudelaires?" I asked.
"They're at my house," he said. "You'll meet them soon." He coughed. "Count Olaf wants you to prepare to be at his home. He knows you're an actress and a singer so he wants you to prepare to perform."
"I don't want to perform for a stranger."
"Of course you do," Mr. Poe said, "He could train you and give you an extracurricular activity. He could make you famous."
"Famous?" I asked. It was my dream to be famous for acting because I thought that people would feel sorry for how they treated me as an orphan. I was like Annie dreaming of living with Mr. Warbucks. But it felt weird to have to do shows for my new guardian. Monty Kensicle said he wasn't a good person so I would have to dodge that request. "I don't want to be famous."
"You don't want to be famous? Any kid your age would dream of fame? Like your friend Carmelita Spats."
"She's not my friend either," I said.
"Well you're going to have to try to make friends with the Baudelaires," Mr. Poe said.
"I hope they're nice," I said. "I'm tired of being bullied."
"Oh no, Jane. They weren't bullies. Carmelita was trying to save you."
"She was trying to kill me," I said.
Mr. Poe was quiet as he turned the car into his driveway.
Mr. Poe got out of the car and I followed him up the short driveway up to his huge townhouse. I entered the front room and saw Edgar and Albert waiting at the dinner table with three children my age.
I immediately smiled shyly and looked away from them. I looked back and caught eyes with the boy. Not Edgar and Albert. The boy with glasses. He must have been Klaus. I felt like I'd seen him before and I had. I just didn't remember. In a dream I had at the orphanage. It occurred the first time I'd ever entered the school library. I was six and lonely at recess when I decided to go to the library like I saw Matilda do in the movie and I checked out the book. I was reading it the night I had the dream.
One night to you
Lasted six weeks for me
Just a bitter little pill now
Just to try to go to sleep
No more waking up to innocence
Say hello to hesitance
To everyone I meet
Thanks to you years ago
I guess I'll never know
What love means to me
But oh
I'll keep on rolling down this road
But I've got a bad, bad feeling
It's gonna take a long time to love
It's gonna take a lot to hold on
It's gonna be a long way to happy, yeah
Left in the pieces that you broke me into
Torn apart but now I've got to
Keep on rolling like a stone
'Cause it's gonna be a long, long way to happy
Left my childhood behind
In a roll away bed
Everything was so damn simple
Now I'm losing my head (losing my head)
Trying to cover up the damage
And pad out all the bruises
Do you not know I had it
So it didn't hurt to lose it
Didn't hurt to lose it
No, but oh
I'll keep on rolling down this road
But I've got a bad, bad feeling
It's gonna take a long time to love
It's gonna take a lot to hold on
It's gonna be a long way to happy, yeah
Left in the pieces that you broke me into
Torn apart but now I've got to
Keep on rolling like a stone
'Cause it's gonna be a long, long way to-
Now I'm numb as hell and I can't feel a thing
But don't worry about regret or guilt 'cause I never knew your name
I just want to thank you, thank you
From the bottom of my heart
For all the sleepless nights
And for tearing me apart, yeah, yeah
It's gonna take a long time to love
It's gonna take a lot to hold on
It's gonna be a long way to happy, yeah
Left in the pieces that you broke me into
Torn apart but now I've got to
Keep on rolling like a stone
'Cause it's gonna be a long, long way
It's gonna take a long time to love
It's gonna take a lot to hold on
It's gonna be a long, long, long, long way to happy, yeah
Left in the pieces that you broke me into
Torn apart but now I've got to
Keep on rolling like a stone
'Cause it's gonna be a long, long way to happy
'Cause it's gonna be a long, long way to happy
(Long Way to Happy, Pink)
I had many dreams at school. They kept me living. I lived for my dreams of a boy with glasses, Klaus Baudelaire. I would long for rest and daydream all day, trying to imagine myself being with Klaus in a library away from the world. But I didn't know who the boy was until now. I felt my heart flutter but I brushed it off. I never thought anyone could love me. I was a lonely orphan. They were orphans now too. But I didn't grow up with any parents aside from Madame Bovary but she had obstacles taking care of me when a new Headmistress took over the school and stopped her from performing her duties. All she could do was take care of me but I wasn't even allowed in to her common room to spend time with her and they wouldn't let me live with her as often. Even on the holidays. The only time they let me was during the summer. Summers were the best time of the year for me. No one was there and it was just me and Madame Bovary. I forgot to mention—no I'd never forget. Klaus wasn't the only boy I saw in my dreams. There was a boy who went to the Ontario Boarding School for Boys. He called himself Drake and wouldn't tell me his last name but he would come visit me over the summer to play with me. He was a skate boarder and was teaching me how to do it by pulling me along with a rope. He disappeared the summer before Carmelita locked me in the shed. He didn't get a chance to hug me goodbye and I held onto our memories tightly no matter how much they pained for fear that they would slip away. My dreamlike memories of Klaus came back when I saw him.
"Hello Baudelaires," Mr. Poe said. "Meet Jane Rumary. She's also living with Count Olaf, a distant relative of yours. Jane is a juvenile and she will learn much from living you on how to be a good role model."
I blushed and wished I could hide my face. I looked down at the ground, shuffling my feet. I was embarrassed at how Mr. Poe described me. I wasn't a juvenile as Mr. Poe thought. I…i didn't know who I was but I knew I wasn't a criminal.
"Juvenile is a word which here means," Mr. Poe started but Violet finished for him.
"She's not a juvenile Mr. Poe," she said. "She's just a young girl.
"Nonsense, Violet. The fire was her fault," he said. "Now, your parents' will," Mr. Poe said, "instructs that you be raised in the most convenient way possible. Here in the city, you'll be used to your surroundings, and this Count Olaf is the only relative who lives within the urban limits."
"Hello Jane. Jane Rumary, correct?" Klaus asked, looking at me shyly. His eyes flickered away and I wondered if that meant he liked me.
"Yes. That's my name," I said. "What's yours? I'm not a—a um…"
"Juvenile? A juvenile is someone who has broken the law," he said as he rose from his seat. "How do you do Jane? You didn't break the law. We just read about it in the newspaper. We know it wasn't you."
"Ju," Sunny shrieked, and I looked for Klaus to identify what she said.
"She said she's happy to see you alive," he said wth a sad smile. "We all are."
I held out my hand and it shook as it closed on Klaus'.
"Hello I'm Klaus Baudelaire," he said shyly, taking his hand away sharply.
"How do you do?" Violet said as she reached out to take my hand. "I'm Violet.
"Howdo?" Sunny said.
"Nice to meet you," I said.
"Enough chat," Mr. Poe said, "You're going to Count Olaf's house. Clear your dishes, Baudelaires and follow me."
Klaus collected his siblings dishes and delivered them to the sink while I stood there blushing at him. I hoped he wouldn't notice but I couldn't help it. I wanted to stare at him.I wanted him to know. But not now. So I turned for the door, hoping Klaus wouldn't pick up on how much liked him. I never had a crush on a boy until I saw Klaus in my dreams and I wondered if he had dreamed of me.
When I got to the front door, Klaus was already there beside me, eyeing me nervously behind his glasses. He held open the door like a gentleman and let me go first out of the front entrance and down the front steps to Mr. Poe's car. I got in and Klaus and Sunny followed with Violet sitting in the front.
"I'm sorry about your home, Baudelaires," I said.
They all frowned and I looked from Violet to Klaus and then to Sunny.
"We're sorry about the fire you faced," Violet said as Mr. Poe drove us along the streets of the busy, dirty city. "Do you know what happened? They didn't describe much only that you were locked in the shed."
"Carmelita Spats locked me up and left," I said. "She burned from it. I'll never forget her screams."
"The fire was huge," Violet said. "We knew you couldn't have set it. Neither could Carmelita Spats. The culprit is still a mystery."
"Yes," I said. "That's true. It was a bigger fire than Carmelita could have set. The forest was left charred from it."
"How terrifying," Klaus said and frowned at me. "I'm sorry."
He reached out to touch my hand lightly and then stopped as he turned his head to stare sadly out the window.
I'm standing on a bridge
I'm waitin' in the dark
I thought that you'd be here by now
There's nothing but the rain
No footsteps on the ground
I'm listening but there's no sound
Isn't anyone tryin' to find me?
Won't somebody come take me home?
It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Won't you take me by the hand?
Take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
But I, I'm with you
I'm with you
I'm looking for a place
I'm searching for a face
Is anybody here I know
'Cause nothing's going right
And everything's a mess
And no one likes to be alone
Isn't anyone tryin' to find me?
Won't somebody come take me home?
It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Won't you take me by the hand?
Take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
But I, I'm with you
I'm with you, yeah, yeah
Oh, why is everything so confusing?
Maybe I'm just out of my mind
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah
It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Won't you take me by the hand?
Take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
But I, I'm with you
I'm with you
Take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
But I, I'm with you
I'm with you
Take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
But I, I'm with you
I'm with you
I'm with you
(I'm With You, Avril Lavigne)
"What is Count Olaf like?" I asked.
"He is both a count and an actor and travels around the globe," Mr. Poe answered, "with various theater companies."
"Now, I don't mean to cut short our conversation," he said, "but we are almost there."
I stared out the window as we passed carriages and motorcycles along Doldrum Drive and the Fickle Fountain as Klaus pointed out to me. We passed an enormous pile of dirt where the Royal Gardens once stood. We reached a street with houses made of pale brick and Mr. Poe stopped halfway down the block.
"Here we are," Mr. Poe said, trying to be cheerful. "Your new home."
I stared out my window at the most beautiful house I'd ever seen. Flowers grew around the property. The bricks were polished and there were an assortment of well-groomed plants. A woman stood in the doorway with her hand on the shiny brass doorknob, smartly dressed well and smiled at us. She carried a flowerpot in one hand.
"Hello there!" she called out. "You must be the children Count Olaf is adopting."
Violet exited the automobile to greet the woman with a handshake.
"Yes," she said. "Yes, we are. I amViolet Baudelaire, and this is my brother Klaus and my
sister Sunny." She looked over at me. "This is our friend Jane Rumary." Then at Mr. Poe. "And this is Mr. Poe, who has been arranging things for us since the death of our parents."
"Yes, I heard about the accident," the woman said, as we all greeted her. "I am Justice
Strauss."
"That's an unusual first name," Klaus remarked. He blushed when he caught my stare.
"It is my title," she explained, "not my first name. I serve as a judge on the High Court."
"How fascinating," Violet said. "And are you married to Count Olaf?"
I shuddered. I didn't think it was Olaf since Monty Kensicle's warning. It was too good to be true.
"Goodness me no," Justice Strauss said. "I don't actually know him that well. He is my next-door neighbor."
My eyes were already scanning the dilapidated house next store with bricks covered in soot and grime. The house only had two closed windows with the shades drawn. A tall and dirty tower rose above the windows and tilted slightly left. The front door needed to be repainted and an eye was carved in the middle. The whole building sagged to the side like a crooked tooth.
"Oh!" said Sunny, and even though I wasn't her sibling I knew what she was saying. She meant, "What a terrible place! I don't want to live there at all!"
"It gives me the creeps," I said. "We can't go in there Sunny."
I was looking at Mr. Poe but he was looking the other way towards the Royal Gardens down the street.
"Well, it was nice to meet you," Violet said to Justice Strauss.
"Yes," said Justice Strauss, gesturing to her flowerpot. "Perhaps one day you could come over and help me with my gardening."
"I love flowers," I said. "But not because I'm a girl. I'm neither a tomboy nor a girly girl. I prefer wildflowers."
"Me too, Jane. That would be very pleasant Justice Strauss," Violet said, very sadly.
"I hope you change your mind, Jane," Mr. Poe said. "Good girls don't love wild flowers."
"She is a good girl," Klaus said and smiled at me and then looked away before I could catch his gaze.
Mr. Poe used his hat to gesture at Justice Strauss who smiled at us and we watched as she disappeared back inside her gorgeous house.
"Let me," I said, and stepped forward to knock on the door.
"I'll do it," Klaus said, bravely. "I can tell you're scared."
At that, I looked at myself in the reflection and noticed I looked especially pale and ghostly. Klaus knocked against the middle of the carved eye.
After a pause, the door slowly opened with a creak and a tall, lean figure stood behind it with his hands together like he was scheming. It was Count Olaf wearing a gray suit covered in stain. His face had scraggly facial hair with one eyebrow resembling a dragon as I'd seen in the black automobile that passed.
The how I cant recall
But I'm staring at
What once was the wall
Separating east and west
Now they meet amidst
The broad daylight
So this is where you are
And this is where I am
Somewhere between
Unsure and a hundred
It's hard I must confess
But I'm banking on the rest to clear away
Cause we have spoken everything
Everything short of I love you
You right where you are
From right where I am
Somewhere between
Unsure and a hundred
Somewhere between
Unsure and a hundred
And who's to say its wrong
And who's to say that its not right
Where we should be for now
So this is where you are
And this is where I am
So this is where you are
And this is where I've been
And this is where I've been
Somewhere between
Unsure and a hundred
(Hundred, The Fray)
His eyes were shiny as they gazed at us. He looked from Klaus to Violet to Sunny and then at me.
He eyed me carefully and his eyes grew even brighter in both anger and hunger.
"Hello hello hello," Count Olaf addressed all of us in a wheezy whisper. "Who is this?"
He looked directly at me again.
"Jane Rumary," Mr. Poe said.
He surveyed me from head to toe and looked down on me as if I were a special present.
"We're going to have the best time," he said in a low voice to me. "Don't worry."
I shuddered under his stare. Klaus noticed me and held out his hand. It was a mistake though because Count Olaf noticed. His eyes were shiny again as he looked from me to Klaus and then he addressed all of us.
"Hello, my children. Please step into your new home, and wipe your feet outside so no
mud gets indoors."
It was a ridiculous statement but I was too afraid to say anything so I followed the Baudelaires inside with Mr. Poe behind me. The whole house was filthy as if no one took care of it and I suppose no one did. Even the stuffed head of a lion looked mangy while a bowl of rotten apple cores sat on a small wooden table. My hand flew to my nose and I immediately regretted it because Count Olaf caught it.
"Smell something little girl?" he said. "Who is this?"
"Jane Rumary," Mr. Poe said. "I'm sorry for her rudeness. Lower your hand."
I looked over at Klaus who looked like he was trying not to cry. I was about to reach out my hand when Count Olaf stopped me.
"Jane Rumary," he mused as he eyed me again. "Sounds familiar. I'm going to have to deal with you two love birds. Your discipline as my children must be enforced no matter the cost.
"I think what Jane distinguished is that this room looks like it needs a little work," Mr. Poe said, as his eyes surveyed the room.
"I realize that my humble home isn't as fancy as the Baudelaire mansion or Madame Bovary's common room," Count Olaf said, "but perhaps with a bit of your money we could fix it up a little nicer."
Mr. Poe's eyes widened and then he coughed, his coughs echoing in the pitch black room before he spoke.
"The Baudelaire fortune," he said sharply, "will not be used for such matters. In fact, it will not be used at all, until Violet or Jane is of age."
Count Olaf eyed Mr. Poe with a spark in his eye, looking angry like a wolf. He looked like he was about to strike Mr. Poe across the face but then he swallowed. He shrugged his shoulders.
"All right then," he said. "It's the same to me. Thank you very much, Mr. Poe, for bringing them here. Children, I will now show you to your room. Or should I say rooms."
"Good-bye, Violet, Klaus, Jane, and Sunny," Mr. Poe said as he turned for the front door. "I hope you will be very happy here. I will continue to see you occasionally, and you can always contact me at the bank if you have any questions."
"But we don't even know where the bank is," Klaus said.
"I have a map of the city," Count Olaf said. "Good-bye, Mr. Poe."
Count Olaf stretched forward to close the door on Mr. Poe and I looked at Violet, Klaus, and Sunny to see how they were dealing with our new guardian. From their tear stricken faces, I could tell nothing was going well.
When I looked down, I was surprised to find a tattoo of an eye on his ankle that matched the eye on the front door. I looked from one eye to the paintings of eyes along the walls and felt like Count Olaf was eerily watching us through the eyes. I shuddered. I knew they would make me feel this way even when he wasn't nearby.