Chapter 5: Hopeless

The Baudelaires and I spent the next morning chopping firewood in the backyard. I watched Klaus swinging his axe next to Violet and looking defeated while Sunny chewed a small piece of wood. Klaus and I hadn't said much more about the kiss we exchanged last night. It was just on the cheek. But we were both too shy to discuss what it meant. Besides we had too much else on our minds with Count Olaf to focus on that part of our lives. I just met Klaus and I knew from first sight that he was someone I loved. I knew it when I saw him in my dreams at school. I hadn't told him about them. The only other time I'd felt that way was with the boy named Drake from the other boarding school. But Drake was far gone and I would probably never see him again. Klaus was fully here and present and my first love. I'd seen him before I'd met Drake. I knew it was young to feel this way and it gave me butterflies to think of actually being with Klaus. I didn't know what that meant. I was only ten and we were in dismal circumstances where a romance didn't seem to fit in.

Klaus struck the wood once more.

"Clearly," Klaus said and rubbed the spot on his face where he was bruised and where I'd kissed him, "we cannot stay here any longer. I would rather take my chances on the streets than live in this terrible place."

"But who knows what misfortunes would befall us on the streets?" Violet pointed out. "At least here we have a roof over our heads."

"We would starve," I said. "It would be our death."

"I wish our parents' money could be used now, instead of when you come of age, Violet," Klaus said. "Jane too. Then we could buy a castle and live in it, with armed guards patrolling the outside to keep out Count Olaf and his troupe."

"And I could have a large inventing studio," Violet said thoughtfully. She split her log precisely in two. Mine were haphazard. "Filled with gears and pulleys and wires and an elaborate computer system."

"And Jane could have a music studio," Klaus said. "And record her own music."

"And you could have a large library," I said. "We could share it. It would be just like Justice's Strauss' but bigger.

"Gibbo!" Sunny shrieked, which Violet explained meant, "And I could have lots of things to bite."

"But in the meantime," Violet said, "we have to do something about our predicament."

"We can with Jane," Klaus said. "She survived that fire. She's a survivor."

"But we don't know how she survived," Violet said. "It would take a lot to figure it out. We're not facing a fire but it's good to know that Jane can survive such a painful death. Did you still feel pain?"

"At first but then it muted," I said. "It felt warm but like a fireplace. Everything burned but me."

"You survived death," Klaus said. "Like…like magic. That's the only explanation but magic isn't real, is it?"

"I never believed in magic," Violet said.

"I thought I was like Matilda once," Klaus said. "I could make objects move. Have you ever been able to do that Jane?"

"Yes," I said. "I gave Carmelita Spats a pig's snout once when she wouldn't stop laughing at me. I'd been able to do that stuff before. So did a boy I knew from the neighboring school but he wouldn't tell me why."

"Those powers helped Matilda," Klaus said. "Maybe they could help us."

"But we don't know how to control them."

"It happened when I wasn't trying," I said. "I've tried to use them but I don't know where to start. Besides I don't know how they could save us from Count Olaf."

"You're right, Jane. Perhaps Justice Strauss could adopt us," Klaus suggested. "She said we were always welcome in her home."

"But she meant for a visit, or to use her library," Violet pointed out. "She didn't mean to live."

"Perhaps if we explained our situation to her, she would agree to adopt us," Klaus said. Violet was shaking her head and Klaus stopped. I knew being adopted took paperwork and a lot of thought.

"I think we should go see Mr. Poe," Violet said. "He told us when he dropped us here that we could contact him at the bank if we had any questions."

"We don't really have a question," Klaus said. "We have a complaint."

"He's not very helpful," I said. "He thinks I'm a troublemaker and he thinks I set the fire. He wanted me to get discipline."

"I can't think of anyone else to contact," Violet said. "He's our only hope. Mr. Poe is in charge of our affairs, and I'm sure if he knew how horrid Count Olaf is, he would take us right out of here."

"Okay," Klaus said. "Let's get this firewood all chopped and we'll go to the bank."

Although I felt hopeless, it felt good to have a plan or at least try. If Mr. Poe didn't believe me about not setting the fire, I didn't think he would believe us about Count Olaf. But Violet was right that he was our only hope and talking to him would help.

We finished our task quickly so we could have time to see Mr. Poe.

We didn't have a map of the city so we had to go on foot and I remembered the route from my many visits with Mr. Poe before I met the Baudelaires. We paused to drink the fresh water of the Fountain of Victorious Finance and Klaus let me go first before he drank.

I led them to Mr. Poe's bank Mulctuary Money Management. The bank was crowded and I moved closer to Klaus as I tried not to get separated from them in the crowd. We asked a guard to direct us to Mr. Poe and we were led into a large office with file cabinets but no windows.

"Why, hello," Mr. Poe said, and sounded puzzled. He looked surprised when he saw us standing in the doorway. "Please come in."

"Thank you," Klaus said and shook Mr. Poe's hand. We sat down and had to wait while Mr. Poe coughed into his handkerchief. "I'm very busy today," he said at last. "So I don't have too much time to chat. Next time you should call ahead of time when you plan on being in the neighborhood, and I will put some time aside to take you to lunch."

"That would be very pleasant," Violet said, "and we're sorry we didn't contact you before we stopped by, but we find ourselves in an urgent situation."

"Count Olaf is a madman," Klaus said, trying to be direct. "We cannot stay with him."

"He hit Klaus," I said, "And he almost dropped Sunny. He has a bruise."

The phone rang.

"Excuse me," Mr. Poe said, and put the phone to his ear. It was a while before he hung up.

"I'm sorry," Mr. Poe said. "What were we talking about? Oh, yes, Count Olaf. I'm sorry you don't have a good first impression of him."

"He has only provided us with one bed," Klaus said.

"He makes us do a great many difficult chores."

"He made me perform in front of him and his troupe members just to humiliate me!" I cried.

"He drinks too much wine." Violet said.

"Excuse me," Mr. Poe said, as another telephone rang. There was a pause while Mr. Poe talked. "I'm sorry," he said, "what were you saying about Count Olaf?Making you do chores doesn't sound too bad."

"He calls us orphans."

"He has terrible friends."

"He is always asking about our money."

"Poko!" Sunny shrieked.

Mr. Poe lifted his hands. "Children, children," he said. "You must give yourselves time to adjust to your new home. You've only been there a few days."

"We have been there long enough to know Count Olaf is a bad man," Klaus said.

Mr. Poe gave us a long sigh as he looked at each of us. He looked kind but he stared at us in disbelief.

"Are you familiar with the Latin term'in locoparentis'?" he asked.

Violet and Sunny looked at Klaus. I knew what the word meant because I looked it up in the dictionary after Madame Bovary used it with me in regards to her supervisors decision to make me the school maid.

"Something about trains?" he asked.

"It means a parent can decide how they discipline you," I said. "I learned it from the dictionary after Madame Bovary used the word with me."

Klaus stared at me in awe and Mr. Poe nodded.

"'In loco parentis' means," Mr. Poe added, "'acting in the role of parent. It is a legal term and it applies to Count Olaf. Now that you are in his care, the Count may raise you using any methods he sees fit. I'm sorry if your parents did not make you do any household chores, or if you never saw them drink any wine, or if you like their friends better than Count Olaf's friends, but these are things that you must get used to, as Count Olaf is acting in loco parentis. Understand?"

"But he struck my brother!" Violet said. "Look at his face!"

"And his troupe member threatened us physically," I added.

Mr. Poe began to cough so loudly that he couldn't hear either of us.

"Whatever Count Olaf has done," Mr. Poe said, "he has acted in loco parentis, and there's nothing I can do about it. Your money will be well protected by myself and by the bank, but Count Olaf's parenting techniques are his own business. Now, I hate to usher you out posthaste, but I have very much work to do."

I sat there fuming and wishing I could say more but it was clear Mr. Poe wasn't going to help us.

He cleared his throat. ''Posthaste,'" he said, "means—"

"—means you'll do nothing to help us," Violet finished for him. I could see her shaking in anger. She stood up and stormed out of the room with us behind her. "What shall we do next?" Klaus asked sadly as Violet stared up at the sky.

"I wish we did have magic," Violet said. "To take us away from here."

"I'm sorry," I said. "We don't know how to use it. It can't take us anywhere else."

"It's getting a bit late," she said. "We might as well just go back and think of something else tomorrow. Perhaps we can stop and see Justice Strauss."

"But you said she wouldn't help us," Klaus said.

"Not for help," Violet said, "for books."

Klaus nodded. Then he looked at me. "I didn't know you read books as much as me. How did you know the word?"

"I looked it up in the dictionary of course," I said. "I love to read. That's what I spent my time doing when everyone was at recess periods."

"You're like Matilda," Klaus said. "And Count Olaf is just like Miss Trunchbull."

"If Matilda survived her and her family then we can survive Count Olaf," I said.

Klaus smiled as a tear escaped. "You're right Jane. However bleak it may be, we can survive it."

We went to visit Justice Strauss' library to pick out books to read and then back to Count Olaf's house. We spent some time with me playing the guitar in our room:

Little boy, six years old

A little too used to bein' alone

Another new mom and dad, another school

Another house that'll never be home

When people ask him how he likes this place

He looks up and says with a smile upon his face

"This is my temporary home

It's not where I belong

Windows in rooms that I'm passin' through

This is just a stop, on the way to where I'm going

I'm not afraid because I know this is my

Temporary home."

Young mom on her own

She needs a little help got nowhere to go

She's lookin' for a job, lookin' for a way out

'Cause a half-way house will never be a home

At night she whispers to her baby girl

Someday we'll find a place here in this world

"This is our temporary home

It's not where we belong

Windows in rooms that we're passin' through

This is just a stop, on the way to where we're going

I'm not afraid because I know this is our

Temporary Home."

Old man, hospital bed

The room is filled with people he loves

And he whispers don't cry for me

I'll see you all someday

He looks up and says "I can see God's face"

"This is my temporary Home

It's not where I belong

Windows in rooms that I'm passin' through

This was just a stop, on the way to where I'm going

I'm not afraid because I know this was

My temporary home."

This is our temporary home

(Temporary Home, Carrie Underwood)