Chapter 6: Raspberries
We woke the next morning and made our way sleepily downstairs and into the kitchen to find Count Olaf waiting for us.
"Good morning, orphans," he said. "I have your oatmeal all ready in bowls for you."
We sat down at the kitchen table and for the first time, I sat next to Klaus with Sunny beside me. I felt apart of the Baudelaire family for the first time ever and I never had a real family so it was a dream come true for me. Despite our circumstances, I had a family here.
I stared at the raspberries on top of my oatmeal and suspected they were poisonous berries.
"What's with the raspberries?" I asked. "It's a trick, isn't it?"
"You think you're brave don't you?" Count Olaf said. "Don't worry I have something planned that will change that. You should be thanking me. I served you a nice meal."
"Thank you," Klaus said, bitterly and picked up one of the raspberries to examine it.
"Oh, I know what's making you so brave," Count Olaf said. "You have a boyfriend." He gave us an evil laugh. "I can change that. Aren't raspberries delicious?" he asked, changing the subject and grabbing one from atop of the oatmeal. "They were my favorite berries when I was your age."
I could see Count Olaf as younger but something about it was unsettling because he looked like an entirely different person. Tall, skinny with black shiny hair and the familiar tattoo and I could see him with a blonde woman I didn't recognize.
"I received a phone call yesterday," Count Olaf said, "from Mr. Poe. He told me you children had been to see him."
"It was just me," I said. "I went."
"Enough," Count Olaf said. "Your attempts at martyrdom are unappealing. I know the Baudelaires were involved too."
The Baudelaires stared at me in worry.
"We were," Klaus said. "Jane is trying to protect us."
"Mr. Poe told me," Count Olaf said, "that you appeared to be having some difficulty adjusting to the life I have so graciously provided for you. I'm very sorry to hear that."
"You're not sorry," I said. "You're giving us a miserable life here."
Count Olaf's eyes grew shiny and bright.
"Is that so?" Violet said. "I'm sorry Mr. Poe bothered you."
"I'm glad he did," Count Olaf said, "because I want the three of you to feel at home here, now that I am your father."
"You said three," I said.
"I didn't notice you," Count Olaf sneered and I frowned.
I looked down on the ground and then grimaced because I didn't want him to win. But still, he reminded me of past feelings of going unnoticed at my last boarding school and it felt the same way.
"Lately," Count Olaf said with a laugh at me, "I have been very nervous about my performances with the theater troupe, and I'm afraid I may have acted a bit standoffish."
I knew what the word meant and I also knew that it definitely didn't apply to Count Olaf. He wasn't by himself in a corner. He was very presently making our lives miserable.
"Therefore, to make you feel a little more at home here, I would like to have you participate in my next play. Perhaps if you took part in the work I do, you would be less likely to run off complaining to Mr. Poe. Jane can be the lead."
"You're rewarding me?" I asked.
"Not just you," Count Olaf said. "Violet too."
"In what way would we participate?" Violet asked.
"Well," Count Olaf said with shiny eyes, "the play is called The Marvelous Marriage, and it
is written by the great playwright Al Funcoot. We will give only one performance, on this Friday night. It is about a man who is very brave and intelligent, played by me. In the finale, he marries two young, beautiful women he loves, in front of a crowd of cheering people."
"But you usually marry one person," I said. "Unless it's for religious reasons."
"Oh, but they'll make an exception because the man can't help but marry two," he said. "It will be endearing. You, Klaus, and you, Sunny, will play some of the cheering people in the crowd."
"But we're shorter than most adults," Klaus said. "Won't that look strange to the audience?"
"You will be playing two midgets who attend the wedding," Olaf said patiently.
"And what will I do?" Violet asked. "I am very handy with tools, so perhaps I could help you build the set."
"Build the set? Heavens, no," Count Olaf said. "A pretty girl like you shouldn't be working backstage. Jane always wanted to be an actress. Now is your chance."
"But I'd like to," Violet said.
"I don't want to be in that play," I said, feeling queasy.
Count Olaf's eyebrow rose an inch in anger then he calmed down.
"But I have such an important role for you both onstage," he said. "You two are going to play the young women I marry."
"I'm only ten," I said. "I'm way too young to get married."
Violet looked ill and my stomach stirred.
"You will marry me orphans," he said. "In a play of course. That's why it's a play. It's acting."
"That's not how I want to be an actress," I said. "I'd rather be a cheering person in the crowd with Violet."
"Good thing you have no lines other than 'I do,' which you will say when Justice Strauss asks you if you will have me."
"Justice Strauss?" Violet said. "What does she have to do with it?"
"She has agreed to play the part of the judge," Count Olaf said. I stared at my hands in my lap and felt queasy about even looking at Count Olaf. I didn't want my debut as an actress to be marrying Count Olaf on stage. Yuck!
"I asked Justice Strauss to participate because I wanted to be neighborly, as well as fatherly."
"Count Olaf," Violet said but she stopped.
"Father," she said, "I'm not sure I'm talented enough to perform professionally. I would hate to disgrace your good name and the name of Al Funcoot. Plus Jane is far too young to be in such a big theatrical event. It seems like it's a show for adults only. I'll be very busy in the next few weeks working on my inventions—and learning how to prepare roast beef," she added quickly.
He was about to reach one scraggly hand out.
"She's only fourteen!" I shouted before he could do it.
Then he looked at me.
"You will both participate," he said, "in this theatrical performance. I would prefer it if you would participate voluntarily, but as I believe Mr. Poe explained to you, I can order you to participate and you must obey."
Olaf rose from where he was seated and left the room.
"Well," Klaus said hesitantly, "I guess it won't hurt to be in the play. It seems to be very important to him, and we want to keep on his good side."
"But he must be up to something," Violet said.
"Yes," I said. "He wants to marry children in a play. That's what's up."
"You don't think those berries were poisoned, do you?" Klaus asked worriedly and looked at me.
"I didn't touch mine," I said.
"No," Violet said. "Olaf is after the fortune we will inherit. Killing us would do him no good."
"But what good does it do him to have us be in his play? You can't marry two people except in Biblical times and in certain religions."
"I don't know," Violet admitted miserably.
"Maybe he wants to humiliate me again publicly," I said.
"But that won't give him your fortune, Jane," he said. "What good will that do for him?"
Violet stood and began washing hers, Klaus', and Sunny's oatmeal bowls. She offered to take mine as well.
"I wish we knew something more about inheritance law," Klaus said. "I'll bet Count Olaf has cooked up some plan to get our money, but I don't know what it could be."
"I don't want to marry Count Olaf in any play. He can't force us. We need to talk to Mr. Poe. Or read about it."
"We need to read about it. Mr. Poe would probably call Count Olaf again, and then he'd know we were on to him," Klaus pointed out. "Maybe we should try to talk to Justice Strauss and read the books in her library. She's a judge, so she must know all about the law and have plenty of law books."
"Book!" Sunny said, nodding in approval.
"Count Olaf didn't leave us any chores to do," Violet said, "so I suppose we are free to visit Justice Strauss and her library. Thanks for saving me again Jane. I need to repay you for that. I'll help get us both out."
"Me too," Klaus said, "I don't want you to have to marry Count Olaf in any play. Violet included."
"Now we'll be reading books to save ourselves instead for enjoyment," I said.
"Our lives are changing," Klaus agreed. "And I'm not liking it. Come on, Jane." He rose from his chair and held out his hand and I took it to walk with Klaus out of the room and to the front door with Violet carrying Sunny behind us. "Justice Strauss said we could come over soon," he finished, "and we don't want to be standoffish."
Beauty queen of only eighteen, she had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her, she always belonged to someone else
I drove for miles and miles, and wound up at your door
I've had you so many times, but somehow I want more
I don't mind spending every day
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay a while
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
Tap on my window, knock on my door, I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get so insecure, it doesn't matter anymore
It's not always rainbows and butterflies, it's compromise that moves us along, yeah
My heart is full and my door's always open, you come anytime you want, yeah
I don't mind spending every day
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay a while
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
I know where you hide, alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls, yeah
Tap on my window, knock on my door, I want to make you feel beautiful
I don't mind spending every day
Out on your corner in the pouring rain, oh
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay a while
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
Yeah, yeah
I don't mind spending every day (Ooh, ooh)
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
(Please don't try so hard to say goodbye)
(She Will Be Loved, Maroon 5)