Chapter 14: Lousy Lane
I wander through fiction to look for the truth
Buried beneath all the lies
and I stood at a distance
To feel who you are
Hiding myself in your eyes
And
hold on before it's too late
We'll run till we leave this behind
Don't fall just be who you are
It's all that we need in our lives
and the risk that might break you
Is the one that would save
A life you don't live is still lost
So stand on the edge with me
Hold back your fear and see
Nothing is real 'til it's gone
And
hold on before it's too late
We'll run till we leave this behind
Don't fall just be who you are
It's all that we need in our lives
So live like you mean it
Love 'til you feel it
It's all that we need in our lives
So stand on the edge with me
Hold back your fear and see
Nothing is real 'til it's gone
And
hold on before it's too late
We'll run till we leave this behind
Don't fall just be who you are
It's all that we need in our lives
And
hold on before it's too late
We'll run till we leave this behind
Don't fall just be who you are
It's all that we need in our lives
It's all that we need in our lives
It's all that I need in my life
(Before It's Too Late, The Goo Goo Dolls)
I awoke to a crisp autumn morning, my head leaning on Klaus' shoulder as Mr. Poe drove his small automobile along the roads of Lousy Lane. My window was sealed shut to keep the bitter smell of horseradish at bay. I took a sniff and regretted, having to turn and cover my nose. Klaus watched me and looked concern.
"Is everything okay?" Klaus asked. "Is the smell bothering you?"
"It's alright," I said though I rubbed my nose. "I can manage. How about you?"
"I'm hoping we'll get used to it," he said. "And that whoever our guardian is won't have this smell lingering near his house. It's just bitter. That's all."
"Are you uncomfortable back there?" Mr. Poe asked as he looked from Violet to Sunny to Klaus and to me all crammed in the backseat. Sunny sat on Violet's lap but still looked just as uncomfortable. "I'm afraid there isn't much room in my car. You'll have to wait for me to bring your suitcases as they couldn't fit in the trunk.
"Thanks for your concern," Violet said in a faraway voice and I noticed her hair was tied up in a ribbon as she thought long and hard.
"It's the smell that's the most trouble," I said and wrinkled my nose as I ran a hand through my head of blonde hair. Despite coming from an impoverished background my hair was one of my features that remained flawless and beautiful even without styling it. Carmelita had been envious of my hair that draped along my shoulders like a glittery mane of gold. Today I hadn't blow dried my hair after showering and it remained especially straight and fell to the middle of my back. Klaus' hand brushed against a strand as I sat up and I noticed his cheeks flush red from the contact.
"Where are we headed now?" I asked Mr. Poe.
"To the countryside," he said. "It will be a nice change. Oh, we've arrived at the turn. We're close."
"After living so long in the city," Mr. Poe continued, "I think you will find the countryside
"Good," Klaus said. "Perhaps there will be interesting books to read in the countryside."
He moved his glasses up his nose.
"You'll enjoy Dr. Montgomery as your guardian as well," he said. "He's a big traveler with many stories to tell. His house is full of collectibles from the places he's been."
"Bax!" Sunny shrieked and Klaus explained she meant, "I'm very nervous about meeting this new guardian."
"What does Dr. Montgomery collect?" I asked and felt nervous at what our new guardian could possess from his travels. After living at Count Olaf's, I was afraid our new guardian would be just as awful. "I just hope we won't have chores to do."
"That's for Dr. Montgomery to decide," Mr. Poe said. "He collects reptiles. It's his passion. He's a herpetologist."
"Wow," I said and my nerves returned. "That's very adventurous. Are they…dangerous?" I asked.
"Don't worry," Mr. Poe said. "Montgomery monitors them and keeps them in cages. He will teach you how to handle them."
"How is Dr. Montgomery related to us?" Klaus asked.
"Dr. Montgomery Montgomery is the brother of your father's cousin's wife," Mr. Poe said, "He receives money from the government for his work."
"Did you say Dr. Montgomery Montgomery?" I asked.
"Don't make fun of his name, Jane," Mr. Poe said. "I'd expect you would have more manners than that."
"She has plenty of manners," Klaus said in my defense and kissed me on the cheek. Each kiss sent a river of butterflies through my gut and despite Mr. Poe's accusation, I felt at great peace.
"You need to cut back the kissing," Mr. Poe said, making Klaus and I turn red in embarrassment. "I didn't mean for you to get too close. You are after all children and Jane you are far too young to be kissing a boy."
I blushed and looked down but my arm was still against Klaus' and I left it there, warmth radiating from his skin.
"Anyways," Mr. Poe said. "He has Montgomery as his first and last name. He doesn't like to be ridiculed about it so I suggest you keep quiet about it. Ridicule means—"
"I already know what 'ridicule' means," Klaus said.
"We know not to make fun of people's names," I said.
"Are his reptiles dangerous?" Violet asked as she pulled her ribbon out of her hair.
"No," he said. "Dr. Montgomery takes good care of them. I didn't have much time for chitchat. Here we are."
Mr. Poe pulled his car down a long driveway with hedges on either side in the form of snakes. The car pulled around a loop surrounding a fountain and we examined the stone house. The house had square windows lining it, open for the breeze and there was a well looked after lawn. The house's door was dark wood.
We got out of the car and I took Klaus' hand as we approached the house.
"Ready?" Klaus asked and I looked at him carefully.
"For what?" I asked.
"For the next chapter," he said and I knew he was thinking that our next guardian could promise as much misfortune as Count Olaf had.
"With you, I am," I said. "It will be an adventure." Then I let go of Klaus' hand and stepped forward next to Mr. Poe as he held his cough.
"No mischief from you this time, Jane," Mr. Poe said. "And I'd tone down the questions Klaus. Violet, put your hair ribbon back in your hair. It looked nice. Sunny, please don't bite Dr. Montgomery.
Mr. Poe went to the doorstep and knocked. It opened slowly and I held my breath as I stood next to Klaus and Violet holding Sunny. I leaned forward to peer inside and felt myself feeling especially brave as I caught sight of a small, chubby man with a red face.
"Hello, Dr. Montgomery," Mr. Poe said.
"Hello, hello, hello, children!" he boomed. "Perfect timing! I've just finished making my coconut cream cake!"