Chapter 15: Incredibly Deadly Viper
"What a great story Jane!" Uncle Monty cried as he served me a slice of coconut cream cake. "Surviving a fire of that size. You're one lucky girl."
"So you don't think I did it?" I asked. Mr. Poe decided to tell the story of how I got kicked out of my boarding school like he did with everyone he met and I was happy to hear Uncle Monty didn't suspect me.
"Of course not," Uncle Monty said. "I've been accused of many things myself from the Herpetological society and none of them are actually true. A miracle occurred helping you survive. Unfortunately your parents didn't."
"If she survived a fire," Klaus said, "Imagine what more you could survive. It couldn't have been just luck."
"Nonsense," Mr. Poe said. "She survived because the fire department came and put it out. Not of her own doing. That's impossible."
Klaus looked like he was about to protest and looked at me briefly before closing his mouth and staring at his half-eaten coconut cake.
"Is Sunny going to eat her cake?" Uncle Monty asked, redirecting the subject to Sunny who went pink.
"She prefers hard food," Violet said, "Like carrots."
"Well, how unusual for a baby? However many snakes such as the Barbary Chewer who must have something in its mouth all the time or else it will eat its own mouth. It's a very difficult snake to look after. I have raw carrots for Sunny."
"That would be great, Dr. Montgomery," Klaus said.
Uncle Monty opened the fridge but stopped to wave his finger at Klaus. "Call me Uncle Monty. My fellow herpetologists don't call me that."
"What's a herpetologist?" I asked.
"What do the others call you?" Klaus asked.
"No more questions children," Mr. Poe said in a stern voice.
"It's quite fine," he said. "Asking questions shows that they have curious minds which is perfect for the kind of life we're going to live with herpetology."
"A herpetologist is the study of something…" Klaus said. "But I can't remember what—"
"Reptiles?" I asked.
"Close," Uncle Monty said. "It's the study of snakes! I love snakes, every kind and I venture throughout the globe in search for different kinds to bring to my laboratory for research. Interesting, huh?"
"That sounds dangerous," I said. "Don't they bite?"
"It may sound dangerous," Uncle Monty said. "But if you know the facts, it's less so. I've been bitten of course but never anything poisonous fortunately. Would Mr. Poe like a raw carrot as well? You seem to not be enjoying your cake.
"No thank you, Dr. Montgomery," Mr. Poe said. "Who would take care of the children while you circle the globe?"
"We can stay on our own," Violet suggested.
"We can manage," I said.
"Nonsense," Uncle Monty said. "Jane, you're far too young. I want you four to come with me. We'll be leaving for Peru in ten days and I would love it if you children came with me."
"All the way to Peru?" I asked. "In a rainforest?"
"It would be great to have your help," Uncle Monty said. "Yes in a rainforest. Not to fear, we will be prepared to deal with any danger. You shouldn't be scared you survived a fire."
"Really?" Klaus said. He looked excited. "You'd really take us to Peru with you?"
"Your help will be much appreciated," Uncle Monty said and he took a bite of Sunny's cake. "I have an assistant name Gustav, who resigned unexpectedly yesterday. A man named Stephano will be joining us. He won't arrive for a week and I'm behind on preparations. Someone has to read up on the terrain of Peru to navigate through the jungle with no problem. I need someone to make sure all the snake traps are working. Someone needs to slice an enormous rope into smaller pieces and someone needs to prepare music to sing our reptiles to sleep and entertainment.
"I would love to learn about snake traps," Violet said, as she licked her fork, "so I would be happy to learn about snake traps."
"I find guidebooks quite engaging," Klaus said as he wiped his mouth with his napkin. "I would like to read up on Peruvian terrain."
"Eojip!" Sunny shrieked and took a bite of the carrot. I assumed she meant, "I would be thrilled to bite up rope into small pieces."
"I love to sing," I said. "I can sing a lullaby to the reptiles and practice the guitar for our entertainment.
"Quite superb!" he said. "I'm glad for your enthusiasm. It will help now that we don't have Gustav. It was odd for him to leave. We were unfortunate to lose him.
"Wonderful!" Uncle Monty cried. "I'm glad you have such enthusiasm. It will make it easier to do without Gustav. It was very strange, his leaving." He frowned and shook his head to clear it of his thoughts. "We should get started. No time like the present as I like to say. Let's bring Mr. Poe to his car and I'll show you the Reptile Room."
I walked Mr. Poe to his car with the Baudelaires, imagining all the wonderful times we were about to have at Uncle Monty's house. I'd never been anywhere that felt so close to home and Uncle Monty reminded me of the father figure I didn't get to have.
"Now, now, children," Mr. Poe said as he stood at the side of his car, coughing into his handkerchief. "I will come back with your luggage in a week and to check up on everything. I know Dr. Montgomery may seem intimidating but I'm sure you will get used to it—
"I'm not intimidated at all," Klaus said. "He's easy to get along with, right Jane?"
He smiled at me and my heart fluttered in my chest.
"Yeah," I said, "I'm excited."
"I'm looking forward to seeing the Reptile Room," Violet said in excitement.
"Meeka!" Sunny shrieked. I knew it meant, "Goodbye Mr. Poe. Thank you for driving us."
"Well, good bye," Mr. Poe said. "Remember the drive from here to the city is short so please contact me or anyone else at Mulctuary Money Management if you have any trouble. See you."
He waved awkwardly with his handkerchief and stepped into his small car and drove back down the steep driveway. We stood and waved back. .
"Bambini!" Uncle Monty cried out to us as he stood at the front door. "Come along, bambini!"
We hurried back to Uncle Monty and stopped when we reached Uncle Monty.
"We're not Bambini," I said, "It's the Baudelaires and I'm Jane."
"I was speaking the Italian word for children," Uncle Monty explained. "I had the urge to speak a little Italian. I'm thrilled to have you four with me. It's fortunate I'm not speaking gibberish."
"Did you ever have children of your own?" Violet asked.
"No I haven't," Uncle Monty said. "I wanted to find a wife and start a family but it slipped my mind. Would you like to see the Reptile Room?"
Yes, please," Klaus said.
Uncle Monty guided us past the paintings of snakes in the entryway into a fairly large room with a grand staircase and high ceilings.
"What's up there?" I asked.
"I have prepared your rooms," Uncle Monty said, and gestured up the stairs. "You can decide which room you'd like and move the furniture around to suit your taste. Mr. Poe said he's bringing your luggage later on so please make a list of anything you might need and we'll travel to town and purchase it."
"Do we really each get our own room?" Violet asked.
"Definitely," Uncle Monty said. "I won't coop you all up in one room when I have this enormous house. Who would do that?"
"It was like that at Count Olaf's," Klaus said.
"Oh, right. Mr. Poe told me," Uncle Monty said. ""He sounds like an awful person. Here we are: the Reptile Room."
We reached a tall wooden door with a large doorknob in the middle. He had to stand on his tiptoes to open it and it was out of my reach. It swung open on its hinges and the Baudelaire orphans gasped in amazement at the room we saw. The Reptile Room was made entirely out of glass with bright and translucent glass walls and a high glass ceiling that rose up to a point like the inside of a cathedral. Outside were bright green fields of grasses and shrubs visible through the transparent walls. Being in the Reptile Room was like both being inside and outside at the same time. The reptiles were lined up in locked cages perched on wooden tables in four neat rows all the way down the room. There were a variety of snakes and I stayed back as we surveyed them, wary and fearful.
"Don't worry, Jane," Klaus said. "I won't let them hurt you."
I nodded and frowned in embarrassment for being fearful. I was afraid to go to the rainforest and to deal with snakes. I didn't want to be afraid. Ever since the fire there were many things I was afraid and the fire was what I feared the most. Fire, snakes, the rainforest…why did I have to be so afraid? I wanted to be brave.
Klaus held Sunny up as we explored the Reptile Room and then the library with rows of bookshelves with books of different sizes and shapes with tables nd chairs and reading lamps.
"It's amazing," Violet said finally breaking the long silence.
"Don't be afraid Jane," Uncle Monty said. "No harm will come to you in the Reptile Room. "Thank you, Violet. It's taken me a lifetime to put together."
"Can we really come inside here?" Klaus asked.
"You're not just allowed, you're encouraged to come inside here! We must gather here tomorrow to prepare for our expedition to Peru. I will clear off a table for you to work on the traps, Violet. Klaus, I expect you to read all of the books about Peru I have and make careful notes. Sunny can sit on the floor and bite rope. And Jane can sit in one of the armchairs and practice the flute. We will work all day and then we will go to the movies after supper. Any objections?
We exchanged glances and grinned. I couldn't be happier with these plans and I couldn't believe my luck at ending up at a happy home. I took Klaus' hand as we walked along to a cage with a cloth on top of it.
"What's this?" I asked and peered at it close to Klaus.
"That is a new snake I brought from my last journey. Only Gustav and I have seen it. Next month I will present it to the Herpetological Society as a new discovery but for now I will allow you to look at it. Come, children."
I followed Uncle Monty's gesture and came to his side at the cage. With a flourish, he swept the cloth off the cage. Inside was a large black snake, coiling all around the cage and very thick.
"Since I discovered it," he said, "I got to name it."
"What do you call it?" Violet asked.
"The Incredibly Deadly Viper," Uncle Monty replied, at his words the snake unlatched the door of its cage and bit Sunny on the chin.