Leaning back into the soft cushion of the dining chair, I sigh and gaze wistfully at the creamy confection in front of me. Peeta told me it was called cheesecake, but whatever its name, it's divine. Sweet and velvety, it beckons my fork for another scoop, but my stomach flips at the thought, warning me against the action.
Up until this moment the evening, and its decadent meal, has gone well. I've successfully finished each of the 6 previous dishes I've collected from the course carts that circled the dining room at timed intervals. Sans a buffet, my choices have been limited to one plate per course, which in all honesty is probably why I've been able to make it the whole meal without having to push my leftovers on to Peeta…that was until now. Resigned to the fate of the deliciousness in front of me, I looks across the table at him.
With his elbows propped on the table, his empty dessert plate pushed away, he's astutely listening to Tova as she talks animatedly about "histories". Apparently the "histories" are recently un-vaulted old and previously illegal books, movies and music. They have been the main topic of discussion over dinner, one that even drew Haymitch out of his usual grumpy silence. However, as the dinner courses progressed so did the discussion. Slowly the chatter deviated into smaller separate conversations. By the time dessert arrived, I'd lost interest in the conversations surrounding me in leu of happily scooped creamy goodness into my mouth, but now overfull, I have to find a way to reinsert myself into the group dynamic so I can get Peeta attention.
Long moments pass and Tova doesn't break from her description of an old movie she recently watched. Does this chic ever come up for air? I glower as she drones on. I glance over at Peeta and find his attention completely focused on the purple hair woman's story and it irks me. As the familiar feeling slowly creeping up my spine, I flash back to the day before when I had first found out about Peeta secret friendship with this green-eyed girl. "She's not my girlfriend," his voice echoes back at me but they bring no real comfort. You're being ridiculous, I chastised myself and push the conversation from my thoughts and choose to focus my attention back on catching Peeta's eye. Feigning a look of interest, I lean forward and wait for an opening, but the talking goes on, and on and on. Fifteen minutes later, I nearly groan in frustration. Damn that girl can talk! Feeling defeated, I drop my chin in my hand and resort to simply staring at my ex-district partner, hoping he'll feel the glare, but he doesn't notice. Unfortunately, being the center of attention for years on end, results in the dulling of your sense of gaze detection.
I sigh at look wearily at the delectable desert.
"That pie say something mean to you?" Gale's deep voice rumbles from behind me. Startling a bit I turn to find my old friend gracefully sliding into the empty seat to my right.
"Cheesecake," I correct.
"What?"
"This, it's cheesecake, not pie."
"So…uppity pie then," he says, a smirk on his lips.
A reluctant smile breaks on my face. "Delicious, uppity pie," I agree.
"And you're mad at it because...?" he draws out.
"Because I can't fit another bite into my stomach at the moment."
He laughs loudly. "A hungry kid from Twelve is full, who'd of thought that was possible 3 years go."
The mention of Twelve finally gets Peeta's attention and he turns his focus back to my side of the table.
"It's not the first time this has happened, I've been known to overdo it at banquets," I say sheepishly, glance over at Peeta.
"In your defense, the food really was the only highlight of our previous visits," Peeta interjects, smiling playfully.
Gale shifts uncomfortably in his seat and I can see he's holding his tongue. Peeta seems to have notice too, as his eyes are darting between myself and Gale. I clear my throat and change the subject. "Did you get to have dinner?" I ask Gale.
"Yeah, sort of. They had a quick meal for us in the kitchen shortly after we got here," he says, his voice tight.
"Are you working the whole night?" I inquire.
At this, he seems to relax a little. "Nope, Collins showed up about 10 mins ago, so I'm officially off duty until tomorrow at noon," he sighs happily.
"Oh! So, do you get to enjoy the rest of the party then?"
"Yeah. I mean, as much as I can enjoy a swanky thing like this," he answers coolly.
I nod understanding the feeling, having my own fish out of water feelings too. In hopes to break the tension, I slide the plate of cheesecake in front of him. "Seeing as you are now an official apart of the party, make yourself useful and finish this for me won't ya?"
Gale grins, grabs my fork and digs in. "Don't have to ask me twice," he mumbles around a forkful.
Out of the corner of my eye, I spot Peeta with a look of disappointment in his eyes, but it quickly fades, replaced with a neutral smile. The urge to apologize washes over me but I try to brush it off.
"That's some pretty damn good uppity pie," Gale exclaims, bring my attention back to him.
"Now you see my dilemma now," I say distractedly as I try to keep my eyes from seeking Peeta's.
Nodding, he sits back in his chair, "So what happens now? There isn't some fancy second course of deserts is there?" he asks sounding genuinely curious.
This garners a musical laugh from Effie who has at some point started following our conversation. "No dear, they are done stuffing us for the moment. Now we dance," she says excitedly.
Leaning over, he whisper's, "She's joking, right?"
"Oh, no Effie does not joke about scheduled events," I grin playfully. This earns me a grimace. "And it's not just dancing, there's mingling as well," I offer sarcastically.
He snorts. "I should have requested to stay on duty!"
Effie tskes. "Captain, the dances are not difficult. Also I've been told that the band will be playing a few district reels as well tonight," Effie scolds.
Gales eyes glance over at me the question clear on his face, Is she for real? Effie see's the transaction, and tosses her head to the side in a huff. "Mr. Hawthorn, perhaps you can consider this a night of education. I realize that this event is very different than what you are used too, but if Haymitch and Katniss can learn to socialize, I'm confident just about anyone can do it." She lectures. Haymitch grunts and gives her a disapproving look, but Effie goes on undeterred. "I would also like to point out that there are a number of lovely young ladies in attendance tonight, so I can't imagine dancing with them will be much of chore," she says with a raised eyebrow. "You never know, if you give people a chance, perhaps they might challenge your preconceptions about the people who live here," she says defiantly, but softens the delivery with a smile. "Perhaps you'll even meet someone?" she finishes in her most encouraging escort voice. Gale slumps back into his chair and his face goes red at having been properly dressed down by the petite little Effie Trinket, Capitol-lite.
I have to bite the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing, but Peeta chuckles rather loudly from behind his hand. Effie shoots him a look and the laughing halts, but a smile stays put in spite of what appears to be a herculean effort to remove it.
Dabbing her lips delicately, Effie then places her napkin on the table before rising. "Haymitch, I would like an after-dinner cocktail, would you please escort me?" she asks.
Haymitch sighs but stands up. "I could use one myself," he admits, offering her his arm.
Before Haymitch leads her away, Effie turns back to the table. "I expect the four of you whom have successfully navigated these waters in the past to make the newcomers feel welcomed," she instructs, pausing to look each victor and finally Tova in the eye.
Peeta is the first to stand, "Shall we go and take in the festivities?" he asks the table.
Seemingly satisfied that Peeta has our group well in hand, Effie turns back to Haymitch and disappears into the crowd.
Our group slowly meanders its way into conservatory were music is playing and people are dancing and socializing. It's not long after that, that Thom and Becca break away to dance and talk with other district contacts. Just a few dances in and party-goers start approaching Peeta and I for dances. We both graciously accept of course, but I desperately hate this practice, especially during slow songs. The whole idea of dancing closely with someone I don't know goes against all of my natural instincts.
After my third dance in which my partner, a very small Capitol man, spends the entirety of the dance stepping on my feet, I'm finally released for a rest. I make a beeline for Johanna. "That was torture" I groan, limping towards her.
She snorts, "Oh, yeah? Then I probably shouldn't tell you he spent the whole dance staring at your breasts then, hu?"
Heat rushes to my face. "No! He didn't…did he?" I ask, mortified.
She nods, "Yep, as if there was a television attached to them," she cackles.
My embarrassment flares into anger. "I hate this," I grunt.
"That just means you need another drink," she says grabbing me by the hand and pulling me towards the back of the room.
"What about the others," I ask glancing around our immediate area for our group.
"Peeta was just snagged up by Tova for a dance and I haven't seen your cousin since the first dance," Johanna says without a backwards glance.
My stomach tightens at the mention of Tova and Peeta. In spite of myself, I can't keep from careening my neck to look for them on the dance floor.
"Oh relax, it's a reel, she can't get too cozy," Johanna taunts, yanking me forward by the arm.
I bristle at the accuracy of her assumption but try to play it off with scoff. "I was actually wondering how Gale is handling the Capitol crowd," I lie.
"So Tova's a little sweet on him hu?" she asks, totally ignoring my attempt to change the subject.
"They're friends," tell her, careful to keep my face neutral.
She snorts out a laugh. "Says who? Gimpy?" she asks, taking our place in the drink line.
I roll my eyes at the horrible nickname and turn my attention to the shrinking line of people in front of us. My gut, however, turn in circles at her observation.
"That's a yes," she laughs.
"Why shouldn't I take his word for it?" I retort, trying to sound bored.
She sighs and moves up to the open spot in the bar. "We'll take two of the Panem Ice Tea's," she orders. With that, the bartender disappears down the counter.
"What's a Panem Ice Tea?" I ask, happy for the change in subject.
"Don't worry you'll like it," she says waving the question off. "So Peety doesn't know he's got an admirer. Can't say I'm surprised, he can be as oblivious as you sometimes," she says steering us right back into the Tova and Peeta conversation.
I bite back a groan as the drinks arrive. Grabbing one, I take a long swallow and Johanna snickers and pushes away from the bar.
"What?" I ask, looking down suspiciously at the glass in my hand.
Tossing an arm around my shoulders she whispers conspiratorially, "Let's just say that this wouldn't pass Haymitch's beverage parameters for you."
I eye the drink for a second, shrug, and take another swallow. "Tastes good," I dismiss.
She hugs me to her side, "At-a-girl," she laughs.
As we work our way through the crowd in the conservatory, we spot Peeta, Tova, and Haymitch making their way towards us.
"Well, well doesn't she look flushed with happiness," Johanna mummers to me under her breath.
I glance at Tova's, admittedly, joyfully face and take another long swallow from my glass. Johanna's comments are making my thoughts divert down paths that, whether real or imaginary, are frankly none of my business. If she likes Peeta, who am I to stand in the way anyway? Right? I take another swallow and feel my fingers being to tingle.
"What are you drinking?" Haymitch asks as soon as he's within earshot.
"Something tasty," I answer evasively.
He growls and gives Johanna the evil eye. "She pucks, you get to ride home with her!"
Johanna waves him off and turns to Peeta and Tova. "Enjoy the dance?" she asks much too innocently. Tova doesn't seem to catch the implication, but Peeta does because I see his lips tighten into a straight line.
"It was a fun, " he says evenly.
"Yes, very fun. I don't think I've ever done that one before," Tova bubbles.
"Well, it's from district 7 so I'm guess you won't have had the chance to learn it," Johanna says sarcastically.
Tova opens her mouth to respond, but Peeta buffers, "The next dance is one of the slow ones that Effie taught us for victory tour, would you like to dance it Katniss," he asks.
My eyes pop open in surprise. We're supposed to be trying to keep the gossip down, plus we haven't exactly put the whole "Peeta might be able to touch me without going Mutt," to a true test. "Uh…well…I…" I stammer and glance at Haymitch, who is regarding us both wearily.
"You remember the steps don't you," Peeta teases me when my answer isn't forthcoming.
"I just don't want to…deny the other… guests the chance to dance with you," I manage to finally get out.
Johanna swats my arm. "Come on brainless, dance with the man, it not like there's much to pick from outside our bevy of beauty's. The pickin's at this party are slim," she says dragging out m on the word slim.
The musical interlude that has been playing between songs changes key and I know I've got to choose now, so I choose to jump in with two feet. Walking over to Haymitch, I hand him my drink and whisper, "Watch him for me, just in case, won't you?" He glares at me, his unsaid words clear in his glare. I quirk an employing eyebrow at him and he caves, giving me a reluctant nod.
Turning on my heels, I stride over to Peeta. "Me forget the steps? This from a man with two left feet," I tease.
"That's not fair, the plastic one just doesn't keep as good of time as the real one," he returns playfully. I know this meant as a joke and not at all meant for me to feel bad about how he lost his leg, but I can't keep the twinge of sadness that dampens my smile a bit. He sees the change in me and quickly changes the subject, "Well, between my two lefties and your inability to recall the dance steps, we should make everyone else out there look awesome," he smiles, offering his arm.
I take a breath and reach out for it. As my elbow slides into his, my eyes lock on him, searching for any sign that I need to flee.
"Relax, I'm fine. I wouldn't have asked you otherwise," he says as he guides us to the dance floor.
I swallow hard as his left-hand slides into mine and his right come to rest in the middle of my back. The music starts and we begin to move.
"And what about the other thing," I ask, resolutely keeping my eyes fixed on a point over his shoulder now that we are dancing.
"This is one dance among dozens. I figure if I don't dance at least one with you the rumors will just go the other way and everyone will begin speculating why we hate each other."
Good point, I think. "I suppose that's true," I admit aloud.
The singer begins to croon:
When your legs don't work like they used to before
And I can't sweep you off of your feet
Will your mouth still remember the taste of my love
Will your eyes still smile from your cheeks
"Try to relax Katniss," Peeta whispers, rubbing a small circle into the tight muscles of my back. "Haymitch is just over there watching me like a hawk, everything is okay," he soothes.
My eyes flit to his for just a moment and find them clear and unworried. The confidence in his face assures me that HE is in control, and not the mutt. I let out a slow breath, loosen the tension in my arms and back, and let my eyes focus once again on the spinning couples around us.
And darling I will be loving you 'til we're 70
And baby my heart could still fall as hard at 23 And I'm thinking 'bout how people fall in love in mysterious ways Maybe just the touch of a hand Oh me I fall in love with you every single day And I just wanna tell you I am
The words of the ballad begin work their way into my heart and head, pulling at long-buried memories of the past; of a time before Peeta's proclamations of love were stolen away. Most days this part of our past seem to have happened a lifetime ago, but in this moment, it feels close enough to touch.
So honey now
Take me into your loving arms
Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars
Place your head on my beating heart
I'm thinking out loud Maybe we found love right where we are
My diverted eyes drift up to my dancing partner and I find him gazing down at me, one of his blonde curls hanging down across his forehead. The moment seems to slow and focus out of time with reality and I'm seem to be seeing the Peeta I used to know. My chest tightens and my feet suddenly struggle to keep up with the music and I stumble over my own lumbering feet into his chest. I feel a flush creep up my cheeks and I quickly curse Johanna and her drinks under my breath. Peeta chuckles softly and slides his palm across my back until I'm safely tucked into the apex of his bent elbow. "Now, now, she didn't force the glass into your hand," he teases gently. I want to reply with a snappy comeback, but the words dissolve in my mouth as his body heat begins to warm me. This is not a good idea, my subconscious warns, but as old feelings of safety and comfort that I've missed so much in the last year begin to wrap around me, and I find it hard to care.
When my hair's all but gone and my memory fades
And the crowds don't remember my name
When my hands don't play the strings the same way, mm
I know you will still love me the same
'Cause honey your soul can never grow old, it's evergreen
Baby your smile's forever in my mind and memory
"Evergreen…Everdeen…a girl who loves the forest… if this song weren't from before the Dark Days I'd think the writer was talking about you," Peeta says softly, his breath stirring a loose curl at my temple. The sensation is strange, but not at all unpleasant, and I find myself letting out a soft sigh. The tingle from the alcohol seems to mingle with song and sends my thoughts swirling. "Yes, but you're the one with the unforgettable smile," I mumble contently.
One of his eyebrows shoots up quizzically at the comment and the aforementioned smile graces his face again. Heat flushes my cheeks and my stomach flutters a bit as I realize my comment could be considered flirty. My first instinct is to blame the liquor I've consumed again, goodness knows it's the cause of my loosened tongue, but I can't seem to force the excuse past my lips. The truth is his smile is captivating, so I give up and simply shrug. His electric smile widens and his arm around me tightens a bit.
I'm thinking 'bout how people fall in love in mysterious ways
Maybe it's all part of a plan
I'll just keep on making the same mistakes
Hoping that you'll understand
s we slowly spin, the words of the last phrase cling to me. I'll just keep on making the same mistakes… I'll just keep on making the same mistakes, the phrase repeats over and over in my head, each time becoming more accusatory. In the years I have known Peeta the mistakes I've made are too many to count. From my mistrust of him in our first games, to my callous disregard of his feelings, to how I acted when he was brought back broken from the Capital, I regularly struggle with the fact he has chosen to remain my friend, a choice that requires a daily fight for him. The blessing of who Peeta Mellark truly is hits me hard, causing my heart to thump wildly in my chest. My hand on his arm grasps his jacket in a fist and grateful tears fill my eyes.
"Hey what's wrong?" he asks, shifting me in his hold so he can look into my eyes.
I smile through my tears. "Nothing," I promise.
He studies me a moment, a warm hand squeezing my hip where it has migrated to during the dance. He looks unconvinced and worried, which only makes me tear up more. I'm trying to regain my composer when a sharp jab to my shoulder blade startles me and causing me to jump. Gazing over my head, Peeta groans pulls us to a stop. I whirl about and find Haymitch and Johanna standing in closed ballroom position, but at a dead stop, staring at us. I'm immediately upset at the interruption, but swallow it down when I meet Haymitch's raised eyebrow. "I was wonderin' if I could cut in, I haven't had a chance at a dance with ya yet Mockingjay," he says sounding casual despite the look on his face.
Code word "Mockingjay", yep, I had that coming, I think. I look at Peeta apologetically before turning to Haymitch. "You'd better not step on my feet old man," I grumble, taking his outstretched hand.
"I started doing this before you were born Girl," he tossed back as he swoops me onto the dance floor.
After a few turns, I caution a glance at Peeta and find he and Johanna have begun moving to the music. "Ahem," Haymitch chokes aloud. I take a breath and look up at him. "It's rude to ignore your dance partner Mockingjay," he admonishes.
"I get it Haymitch," I mutter.
"I don't think you do," he returns his voice low. "What if he had an episode out there?" he growls.
"He's been having fewer issues with that…with…touching me and not having them...so he thought that it would be okay…" I stammer.
He rolls his eyes, "So you two decided to test it out here!" he asks in disbelief. "What if he was wrong? Forget that you might get really hurt, imagine the news articles! It would shoot this conference all to hell!"
I know he's right, didn't I think something similar?" It turned out fine," I shoot back with more venom than is deserved.
The song ends and Haymitch sighs. Leading me off the dance floor he guides me, not towards the crowd but to an empty hallway at the back of the ballroom. Once we're free of prying eyes, he pulls me to a stop and glares down at me. "Y'all want to test your boundaries, fine by me, but do us all a favor and practice in private, that way if he tries to strangle you at least there won't be footage of it for the evening news!" He growls.
I double down, regardless of the fact that I know that Haymitch is right. "He wasn't going to hurt me!" I yell.
Haymitch takes a step towards me and I try to back up but I'm already against the wall. He's so close I have no choice but to look him in the eye. Surprisingly when he speaks again, his voice is even and controlled. "Look Sweetheart, you and that boy are the closest thing I have to a family, ya got to be more careful," he says with more sincerity and warmth than I've ever heard from him. Shocked, I blink and mutely nod my head.
"Good," he breathes, sounding relieved. "Now let's talk about that dance," he says his eyes narrowing but full of a playful energy.
"There you two are," Johanna's voice bellows along the empty hallway. The sound startles both Haymitch and I. In spite of Haymitch's death glare at her, Johanna continues on casually, "Effie and Purple girl are looking for you two," she says.
Under his breath Haymitch mutters something about needing a 'damn minute to himself' before placing a hand on my elbow and guiding me past a laughing Johanna. As we pass through the threshold and back into the ballroom, he squeezes my arm gently and whispers, "No more canoodling with your boyfriend in public," then let's go of me and disappears into the crowd.
Irritated, I stare are the spot he's vanished into until Johanna appears at my side. "Your cousin is lookin' for you for a dance," she says, elbowing me in the ribs. I blink and shake my head in acknowledgment, but don't move from the spot I've rooted myself. Johanna stands in silent vigilance with me for a moment before adding, "Might be a good idea since you and Peety single handily tried to derail your whole kibosh on the star-crossed thing," she says, this time her voice low enough for only me to hear.
"We danced a dance," I mutter half-heartedly.
"You were snuggling on the dance floor," she returns.
I drop my eyes in resignation. "It's the first time I've been that close to him in over a year," I tell her confidentially. To my surprise, she just nods as a look of understanding passing between us. "You should go find Gale," she instructs, giving me a small shove, "He's over by the stage I think." Tossing her a grateful smile, I turn and begin wadding through the sea of people before me.