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Chapter Text
The car Haymitch arranged for me pulls up to Tova's building and I let out a sigh. This is not how I thought this morning would go, I mean it started out surprisingly pleasant after all, but the nosedive it took before I even got breakfast has my head spinning. Add my unresolved fight with Katniss to the mix and I'm far from in the right headspace to talk this out with Tova. I curse Haymitch under my breath, but hear Effie Trinket's voice of reason, "He has 25 years if dealing with media and scandals, you really should listen to him." Rubbing a hand down my face, I steal my spine and push open the door and exit onto the small sidewalk. I look over and find my driver giving me a look of exasperated for letting myself out, so I offer him an apologetic smile.
"Sorry, I'm not really used to having a driver. Heck, I'm not very used to traveling by car," I offer.
He quirks an eyebrow at me but gives me a reluctant nod before closing the open car door. "Would you like me to ring the apartment for you Mr. Mellark?" he asks.
I glance at the door and note the missing call box. In an attempt to avoid tipping off the media that camped out in front of Tova's building we are using a resident-only entrance. "I guess that's the only way to get in, hu?" I say offhandedly.
"Yes, I believe so sir," he returns.
"Okay."
The driver is leaning into the car rummaging around for his portable phone when the side door opens and Jeromy steps out.
"Hey," he waves, a smirk on his face.
I return greeting and tap the windshield to get the driver's attention. He withdraws himself, phone in hand. "This person lives in the unit, I think I'm good," I offer. He gives me an even look and places his hands behind his back. "Very good. I will remain here until you are ready to leave." I drop my head in understanding and turn for the door, and Jeromy's smirking grin.
"Good Morning," I offer, feeling awkward.
"I'm surprised to see you back here," Jeromy says.
"Trying to avoid the circus out front," I explain.
He stares at me a long moment, looking amused at my discomfort before moving to hold the door open. "I'm off to work. The apartment doors open," he says.
"Thanks," I mutter, taking the offered door from him and stepping through the threshold.
Jeromy moves out of my way but pauses. "Hey," he says. I turn to look at him. "Be kind to my girl, okay?" he says seriously.
"She's my friend. I care about her too," I tell him truthfully.
He considers me a moment, then smiles. "I'll see ya 'round," he says and heads off down the sidewalk.
I watch him go for a moment, all the while working up my nerve to simply climb the stairs to Tova's apartment. In the back of my head, I hear Haymitch, "Standin' here ain't gettin' it done boy!" I scoff to myself; who'd have thought Haymitch Abernathy would become a voice of reason. Letting out a breath, I let go of the door and begin to climb.
XXXXXXXXXXX
A soft knock comes to the bedroom door, "Katniss," Effie calls softly.
"Come in," I call as I pulling on a sock.
"Captain Hawthorn is here," she says gently.
I tug on the other sock and nod. "Thanks, Effie," I'll be right out," I mutter.
She hesitates at the door, "I'll take Haymitch outside, to give you privacy," I she tells me.
I look up at her and see nothing but kindness in her face. "Thank you," I say sincerely.
She despairs down the hall and a few seconds later I hear her herding Haymitch out the backdoor and on the patio. I quickly twist my hair into my usual plait and tie it off as I head down the hall towards the living room.
I find Gale looking out a picture window that looks out over the city. I pad silently across the room and join him.
"Where's Peeta?" he asks, his eyes not leaving the scene outside the window.
I stiffen. "Gale," I warn.
He turns to me. "Look I don't like him, and I don't think your safe with him, but you can't really expect me to keep my peace while he cheats on you in front to the nation? he asks, his voice surprisingly even.
I feel my chest tighten at the description, but I push it away. I swallow down the lump in my throat and move to sit on the couch. "Haymitch didn't ask you here to talk about Peeta," I say, suddenly feeling tired.
He snorts. "Katniss," Gale starts but I cut him off. "Look it's not…we're not together, not in the way you mean," I say, my voice sounding weak even to my own ears.
Gale stares at me, clearly not believing me. "Sure, if you say so Catnip," he exasperates.
"Gale, I don't have the energy for this debate this morning," I warn. "Please let it go."
He looks irritated but he nod's his agreement.
I take in a long breath. "You've seen the picture?" I ask.
"Yeah. Can't tell it's me. And they got the whole premise of what was going on out there wrong,"' he grumbles.
"That's the thing with pictures, you can make up any narrative you want," I retort.
"Unlike video footage?"
I glare at him but choose not to engage in the Peeta debate again. "The mystery of who you are will probably be in the news for the next few days and Haymitch just wants me to make sure you aren't planning to talk to reporters. He thinks if we ignore the questions, the curiosity will grow cold and people will lose interest."
He crosses the room and joins me on the couch. "Or you could play it that you have a new love interest. I mean, if Peeta can then why can't the Mockingjay?" he asks but playfully.
The taunt irks me, but in a way that reminds me of my old relationship with Gale. I give him a sarcastic grin and elbow him in the side. "Seriously, we don't want any of this foolishness to overshadow what we all really here to do."
He relaxes back into the buttery leather cushions and puts his hands behind his head. "I'm not going to say anything Catnip. But to tell you the truth I don't think our grainy picture is what everyone's going to be talking about." He points out. "Haymitch have any ideas on that or is Peeta going to be getting a new public girlfriend?" he asks.
It irritates me that he's brought this back to Peeta, but he has a valid question. I just shrug. "I wasn't present when they discussed it," I mutter.
He looks over at me. "I need someone to talk to or just need me to steal Peeta's leg when I'm sleeping, I'm your guy," he teases and smiles. "But seriously, I want you to know I'm here. I know I've not given you a reason to consider me as your first choice when it comes to talking your life...with him," he stammers, "but I was serious when I said I wanted to be your friend again." He offers sincerely.
I squint at him suspiciously.
"I even promise to keep my insults about him to under 2…no 4, an hour," he smiles.
I roll my eyes and roll my eyes playfully at him, but honestly, this is an olive branch and the first he's given on this subject. I don't think I'll be discussing my complex relationship with Peeta with him anytime soon, but I appreciate the gesture. I lean into the sofa next to him. "So, what did you think of the party?" I ask, changing the subject.
"Stuffy," he answers.
"Stuffy, that's it?" I quip.
"I guess the end of the night was kind of crazy, but…" he smirks, but turns serious again. "Did you get any more information about Cinna?" he asks.
I shrug. "There's more to the story than I've been able to get, but I got some clarity," I return.
He nods in thought. "From what I've heard, he was a really decent man," he offers.
I lift an eyebrow. I never heard him say anything remotely kind about anyone attached to the games, except for maybe Plutarch. "He was my friend and he was more than decent," I sigh sadly.
He places a hand on my shoulder. I take a cleansing breath. "Are you hungry or want something to drink," I ask lamely, steering away from the sadness trying to overtake me.
He shakes his head, "I wish I could stay but I actually need to get going. I have a security meeting this afternoon before the event tonight," he tells me.
We both stand and I follow him to the front door. "I'll see you there then?" I ask rhetorically.
"I'll be heading up the security team," he nods.
"On delegate duty?"
He takes a step closer to me, "On Mockingjay duty," he returns through a smile.
I look up at him and he puts a hand on my shoulder.
"Remember what I said earlier. I'm here for you if you need…anything."
I don't know what to say to this. I miss this part of my friendship with Gale, but there's been so much that's happened between us that I feel a bit out of sync. Since words elude me, I simply shake my head.
He smiles, then leans into places a kiss goodbye on my forehead. It's a quick peck, something he's done a hundred times, maybe more, but it's a shock all the same. If I'm feeling out of sync with his sentiments, this completely throws me for a loop. I'm stunned to silence, but if Gale notices, he doesn't show it. He simply steps back and opens the door.
"See ya later Catnip," he says, and with a wink, he is gone.
XXXXXXXXXXXXX
As I reluctantly approach Tova's door the sounds of upbeat music play loudly from the other side of the door. It has the same quality to it as music at last night's party, so I assume it must be part of Tova and Jeromy's "histories" stash. I stare at the brightly painted teal door for a long time under the pretense of trying to make out the words of the song, but really, I'm just stalling. I reach up and knock. Nothing happens. The music continues. I knock again, still nothing, the music is camouflage knocking. I consider leaving but hear Haymitch in my head again. "Damn it," I mutter. Jeromy told me the door was open on his way out, but I don't like the idea of letting myself in but I don't really see an option. I reach and turn the knob, opening the door wide enough to peer into the room. Beyond the sitting area, I spot an open workspace. The area is crammed with four dress forms, all draped with Katniss's and I's clothing, the walls are covered in inspiration drawings, and there seems to be cloth scraps draped over every vertical surface in the work area. Standing in front of a form, draped in my navy suit coat, is Tova. She is dress in a slim cut pair of jeans, a loose t-shirt and has her long sunset-colored hair pulled up into a messing bun atop her head. In each hand, she has grasp of a sleeve as she dances and sings along with the music. I can't help but smile. I take a step into the apartment and let the door close and watch her.
When tears find your eyes and you're feeling like life's got you down
When you feel so alone when there's nowhere to go, don't you cry
When you're thinking you can't go on
'cause everything you try just goes wrong
I'll be that shelter in the rain
if you say you need a sunny day.
Then I'll be that sun when you need it to shine
And I'll move mountains and lakes,
if you say that they're in your way
Just like the stars I'm your light when it's too dark to see
Just say the word and I'll be whatever you need
And know that you'll always have me
That's what I'll be
Halfway through the refrain, Tova lifts one of the coat sleeves and begins to spin under it when she spots me. Yelping in surprise, she stumbles back into the mannequin and has to scramble to catch it before it hits the floor. I stifle a laugh as I jog across the small sitting room to help her steady the dress form back onto its legs.
Reaching into the pocket of her jeans she pulls out a small remote and shuts off the music. Her cheeks are flushed red and her eyes wide. "Peeta…I didn't even hear the bell!" she says, a hand going up to the messy top knot on her head.
"Jeromy let me in…I knocked but I don't think you could hear me," I grin.
Her cheeks go an even deep shade of red. "Oh…sorry. I like to listen to music when I work," she explains shyly.
"Looks like fun, I'll have to try it when I'm baking sometime," I wink.
She chews on her lip but laughs. "So, what do you think?" she asks, laying hand on the shoulder of the jacket that was just her dance partner.
The coat appears to have been pulled apart at the seams and pinned back together in a bigger size. I eye it and raise an eyebrow, "It's amazing that you can adjust it at all. I'm a lot bigger than I was back then," I offer.
She looks at the piece then back at me. "When I got your measurement, I was worried, but when I started pulling things apart, I was shocked to see that it was constructed with an abnormal amount of extra fabric in the seams and cuffs. It's as if Cinna knew….," she trails off.
I smile sadly, "That sounds like Cinna. He had a vision," I offer.
She returns a small smile but is slowly fades and silence falls between us. She knows why I'm here, I called to ask her for this meeting and even that was awkward. Everyone is always telling me I have a silver tongue, a way with words, but at the moment I feel like a mute.
"Would you, ummm, like some coffee or tea?" she asks after several moments of silence.
I clear my throat, "Tea would be nice," I accept. She turns and heads over to the kitchen in the corner and I take a moment to gather myself. Straightening my back, I turn and head over to a length of countertop that has stools tucked under it. I pull one out and sit to watch Tova as she shuffles around the kitchen. As she's fulling a kettle with water I notice a large colorful bouquet of flowers laying on the counter next to the stove.
"Those are amazing," I offer.
She places the kettle on its base and flips it on before picking up the flowers. "Came for Jeromy this morning, I had to keep him from putting them down the garbage disposal system."
"Really? Why?" I ask as she fills us a vase.
"They came from Bise," she says.
"The guy who outed you?" I say surprised.
"And Jeromy's most recent attempt at dating," she adds, placing the flowers in a vase, then on the end of the counter.
"He seemed a bit…self-involved."
"Guessing that's why there wasn't a second date. Running into him last night was a fluke," she says quietly. "I feel like a bit of an idiot, I set Jeromy up with him," she sighs.
"Why? I can't imagine you thought they'd be a match." I ask, surprised.
"I've never met him. It was a friend of a friend thing. I've been setting him up a lot lately," she tells me.
I raise an eyebrow in question.
"Jermoy struggles to fit in here, I guess I just want him to be happy," she says softly.
"Random dates…interesting way to strengthen a friendship," I smile.
She blushes, "I'm a romantic at heart," says her green eyes flashing.
The space between us seems to shrink as the elephant in the room squeezes between us. I clear my throat nervously and try to figure out how to start the conversation I came here to have.
The ding of the kettle breaks the tension and provides me with a moment of reprieve when Tova turns and pours to mugs of steaming water. Setting one before me and dropping a tea bag in, she asks, "Milk or sugar for your tea?"
I instantly flashback to a cold night in a campground outside the Capitol and Katniss's voice saying,
"You're a painter.
You're a baker.
You like to sleep with the windows open.
You never take sugar in your tea…."
It's like I'm there. I can almost smell the smoke of the fires. I close my eyes and I can see her, her eyes shimmering with tears, in spite of the weak light, begging me to come back to her. I then flash to today and our fight, the same look, the same tear-filled eyes. My heart sinks.
"Peeta are you okay?" Tova asks, breaking me from the reverie.
My eyes pop open. "I'm sorry, I just…an old memory snuck up on me….Dr. Aurelius encourages me to go with them when they come on me like that," I fib, and immediately feel guilty about it.
"Oh…are you okay?" she asks, worried.
"Yes, nothing to worry about."
She pauses for a moment, then looks at my cup. "I'm sorry I didn't get an answer, sugar or milk?" she asks waving at my mug.
"Oh, um, nothing," I return picking it up and taking a tentative sip. She nods, fixes her cup and comes around the counter to join me.
We sit sipping our tea for what feels like forever while I build up the never to broach the topic.
"So…video camera outside the mansion, that sucks," Tova says, taking the reins on the discussion.
I can't keep a laugh from bubbling up. It's part amusement, part relief. "Yeah, what is it with the Capitol's love of live footage?" I return.
She smiles, but quickly her face becomes serious, "I'm sorry I got us into this…this…media shitstorm," she finally manages.
I reach out and place a hand on top of hers on the counter. "You don't need to apologize, you didn't do anything wrong," I tell her. "The only person who should be apologizing is the person who leaked the footage. It was clearly a private moment and they used it for gain."
She turns her hand over and wraps it around mine so we are palm to palm. "This is definitely not what I had in mind when I imagined the moment," she reveals.
My heart thumps in my chest.
Her eyes drop to our hands. "I also need to apologize for how I acted last night," she mummers softly.
I lump forms in my throat. "As I said, you don't need to apologize, you did nothing wrong," I tell her.
She chases a glance up at me, "I could tell…you weren't…um…" she stutters.
I can feel the discomfort rolling off of her in waves, "I was surprised," I say softly.
She blushes again. "It was unprofessional."
I squeeze her hand, "You were my friend before you were my stylist."
She's chewing the inside of her cheek in thought. "Did I ruin our friendship with that kiss last night?" she asks, now for the second time, "I know you said no, but…"
I look into her green eyes and thoughts return to the night before. What did I think of it? I really have been pushing the whole episode away. "Of course not," I reassure her, my voice an octave lower than a moment ago. I try not to think much about what happens next. Leaning over, I place my lips on hers. She very still at first, but then her hand that's clasped in mine let's go and slips around my neck. Her lips are soft and welcoming causing my heartbeat to quicken. It's been so long since I've kissed someone. My mind slips to a day in the sewers, running from mutts…from myself. Anxious lips on mine begging me. I shove the thought away and pull out of the kiss.
We are still close, and she looks up at me, eyes alight. "You're good at that," she blushes.
I feel my own cheeks redden, "I'm a bit out of practice," I say uncomfortably.
She raises an eyebrow and twinkle in her eyes, "That was you out of practice? Well, I would very much like to be the one to help you brush up on your skills."
She looks beautiful, radiant in the moment, and I kiss her again. This time the kiss deepens. What are you doing! My subconscious rants, but I ignore it, instead start nibbling on the lip between mine. We come up for breath. "It might be coming back to me," I say through deep breaths. She laughs and drops her forehead to my shoulder. Fuck! FUCK! What am I doing?
I gather myself and push her back to onto her stool. "I need to be back to get ready for the meeting, so we really should get to the reason I'm here, to begin with.
"Ah, the shitstorm," she says, this time her cheeks glowing with something other than embarrassment.
"Yeah, the shitstorm."
She straightens her shoulder and tries to look serious. "I'm guessing there is a plan?" she asks.
I nod. "Haymitch thinks is best to not address it publicly. If asked, say we are friends and leave it at that," I tell her.
Her nose wrinkles, "Really?"
I shrug, "Or you can do what I plan on doing, ignoring them," I offer.
She pushes off her stool and stands very close to me, "Or we could just…" and she kisses me again. My head is spinning, but I push her back. I take a deep breath. "Tova, my life is complicated and…"
She steps back, "And you what, kissed me out pity?" she asks, sounding hurt.
"No, no, I kissed you because…" but I don't have the right words. Word's that won't hurt her.
Her eyes fill up and I feel like a heel. I give in decide to tell her the truth, steeling for the fallout. "Honestly, I wanted to see what it was like. Last night I was too surprised to take it in, so I thought I'd try it again."
She sniffs, "And your conclusion is what?"
I'm shocked she's not put off by my honesty and my stomach turns over. "I…I liked it," I admit. This returns her smile. "But I'm not sure what it means," add cautioning her. Her smile fades a bit, but not completely. "It's not an excuse, my life, it's complicated. I still struggle with the mutt and…" And there's Katniss, of course, my brain fills in. I push it way, "and I still need the therapy that only 12 can provide," I say instead. "I need time," I offer.
She nods. "You can have as much as you need," she says sincerely. "And I'll go along with Haymitch's plan."
"How do you know it was Haymitch's plan?" I ask.
"Only a mentor would manage the situation," she says.
"We both agreed on the plan actually. We don't want anything to distract from the real reason we are here," I counter.
"The delegate meetings," she nods.
"They are why we came, and we need to keep our eyes on the prize."
She quiet for a second, "Okay," she agrees.
A smile pulls on my lips, "Okay," I return. My watch beeps, and I look down. "Now this, this is Effie Trinket," I say holding my wrist up for her to see.
"What? A new watch?" she smiles.
"No, an alarm to tell me when I need to head back," I chuckle and stand.
"She does love her schedules," she smiles, following me to the door. She takes my hand as I reach for the door handle. "Can we hang out tomorrow?" she asks, looking up at me through her lashes. I feel my pulse pick up, but my fight with Katniss echoes in consciousness. I have a meeting tomorrow, but I can let you know tonight." I return.
She nods, and despite myself, I lean down and kiss her gently. "I'll see you tonight," I say.
She simply sighs through a pleased smile and pulls open the door.
I step into the hall, give her one last look and head for the stairs.
Once out of sight, I slump down onto a stair and bury my head in my hands. I am a liar.