Keep Me Where the Light Is (part 2)
Worry,
Oh worry, worry, worry, worry
Sometimes I swear, it feels like this worry
Is my only friend…
But I've been saved,
By a woman
I've been saved,
By a woman…
She won't let me go,
She won't let me go now…
(Trouble ~ Ray Lamontagne)
Saturday, June 18, 2022
9:18 PM
Santana Lopez opened the laundry room door in the basement of her apartment complex, holding it with her hip until she could push her black, plastic basket through the doorway. She gripped the molded handles on each side and lifted the basket to start up the steps of the relatively low-lit stairwell, realizing the full basket of folded towels and garments was heavier than she anticipated.
The brunette struggled more than usual as she navigated the multiple levels, making it to the fourth floor of their walk-up building before her stamina evaporated. She set the basket up on the landing then turned to sit on the top step, unable to go further without a moment to rest.
She looked around at the ornate railing of the staircase then up at the antique sconces on the wall that gave the hallway a soft glow. She and Brittany fell in love with this building because of its classic New York City charm. It was the couple's first adult home together once they moved from the university apartments after Santana graduated from NYU. At the time, the trek up six flights to the top level was nothing to the young girls, and they even joked about how lucky they were to snag the "penthouse" view so early in their careers.
Six years later, Santana sat two floors below her front door and looked up at the remaining stairs, ready to give her right eye for an elevator, her regiment of fertility medication month after month finally overpowering her. Oh god, what if I am pregnant…I will never survive this climb with a baby and a stroller. She sighed heavily, lost in thought, not hearing the footsteps of someone approaching.
"Are you staging a protest?" a masculine voice asked jovially.
Santana looked down to see her fifth-floor neighbor, Grayson Knox, coming up the stairs. "Funny…," she told him, smiling at the handsome Ad Exec who was dressed in a designer suit and tie, "…but no."
"So…just taking a break? Or is the view better from here?" he winked as he stopped next to her and leaned against the wall.
"I couldn't go further," she laughed at her own show of weakness, adding, "You're overdressed for a Saturday night. Working late?"
"I don't only work, you know," Grayson answered with mock defensiveness.
Santana tilted her head and raised an eyebrow, "Ohhh? Did you have a date tonight?"
Grayson held a frozen expression of vagueness mixed with his trademark dry humor.
"Grayson Knox!" the Latina clapped her hands together in playful excitement, "You did, didn't you? Who is this mystery girl?"
The handsome blonde's expression faded into shared laughter, revealing, "No, there's nobody…I had a presentation for some high-powered clients. It went long."
Santana shook her head in disappointment, "You're hopeless. Handsome, but totally hopeless."
"Now don't act like you aren't just as career driven, Santana Lopez-Pierce…future Tony Award winner," Grayson pushed gently on the brunette's shoulder, "You and that dancing wife of yours."
"Not true!" she protested, "First of all, I still know how to go out and have a good time…something you have apparently lost track of in between all your schmoozing clients and ad presentations."
"Guilty," the thirty-four-year-old held up his hands in lighthearted defeat.
"Second…I am willing to sacrifice career for family," she stated firmly.
Grayson gave her a sympathetic half-smile. After being their neighbor for the past two years, he was well aware of Santana and Brittany's trials and tribulations in getting pregnant.
"I thought you were spectacular in Charmed Life…when was the last time I reminded you of that?" he referred to the off-Broadway show Santana quit three months ago to focus her efforts full-time on her quest to become a mother.
"Oh, probably yesterday at some point," she surmised, rolling her brown eyes at him, but she was still internally grateful for his loyal support.
Grayson certainly wasn't the only person who vocalized disappointed with her decision. The show's producers and director said they understood her choice, but they assured her it was a risk that could be detrimental to her career in the long-run.
At least though, Brittany was as steadfastly encouraging as always. The love and devotion in the blonde's blue eyes never wavered when she told Santana that the ultimate choice was hers alone to make.
"I read in the Times that they may be moving it to Broadway sometime in the fall," he pushed, "Is that true?"
"There has been some talk…nothing's decided from what I hear," she answered with a heavy sigh.
Leaving the show in which she had invested nearly three years of her life was certainly not easy, especially since the Latina had been involved from the beginning in creating one of the show's main leads. The role of Lola had been a perfect fit for Santana. She breathed life into her, and all her reviews had been positive.
"Hey…you'll make it to Broadway, Santana," he patted her knee, "No doubt in my mind."
"Yeah," she bit at her lower lip and looked down.
Grayson could sense he was stepping off into a tense topic so he pulled back, asking with a smile, "So want some help with this?"
"Please," Santana smiled, standing up and taking his leather briefcase from him so he could pick up her laundry basket.
The two of them walked up the remaining stairs to the sixth floor where Santana used her house key to unlock the front door, stepping out of the doorway so her friend could set the basket inside.
"Brittany's at rehearsal tonight?" he asked.
"This night…and every other night," Santana said with a hint of exasperation.
"You'll be ok?" he asked protectively.
"Yes, of course," she smiled.
"Well, just stomp on the floor if you need anything," he joked, as he took his briefcase from her and moved toward the stairs.
"I will," Santana chuckled, appreciative of his close proximity, adding with a wave, "Thanks again, Gray."
Sunday, June 19, 2022
10:43am
Brittany slowed her step to allow Santana to catch up to her on the sidewalk. The couple was running slightly late for brunch as was usual living in a massive borough such as Manhattan. They never went anywhere that they didn't change modes of transportation at least twice and still end up walking several blocks. With Brittany's long legs and determined gait, it always seemed that Santana had to take two steps for her one.
She looked over at her wife and smiled, stopping in front of an ornate glass door and reaching up to open it for the brunette, telling her, "You look beautiful this morning."
Santana smoothed out the skirt of her fuchsia and white flowered-sundress, making sure she was Sunday-best presentable, and smiled up at the taller girl who looked equally lovely in her taupe ensemble, responding, "Thanks, love…you do too."
The girls moved through the front door of the restaurant to its posh waiting area, instantly seeing two older men who were standing near and looking at the colorful fish in a giant saltwater tank.
"Dads!" Santana called out to them to announce her and Brittany's arrival.
Daniel and Trey Berry turned around with huge smiles on their aging faces.
"There they are," Daniel reached out to pull Santana into a tight embrace, kissing her on the forehead, "How are you, sweet girl?"
"Doing just fine," she answered, "You guys look great! How was your flight?"
"Uneventful," Daniel responded cheerfully.
"Sorry we're late," Brittany said as Trey leaned to kiss her on the cheek, giving her a squeeze.
"Oh, don't worry about it at all," Daniel insisted, hugging Brittany, "You two look lovely this morning."
"Thank you," Brittany replied, tucking a strand of blonde hair behind her ear.
"Happy Father's Day!" Santana said excitedly as she hugged Trey, "We're so glad you could visit for a few days."
"We needed a little get-away…so why not come here. We get to see all our girls, and we get to shop and see a couple of shows," Daniel said.
"Yes, and eat…so let's sit down," Trey urged with a laugh.
The foursome followed the smartly-dressed hostess to their reserved table in the center of the elegant dining room.
"Will this be satisfactory?" the woman asked flatly.
"Yes, perfect," Daniel assured her.
"And you have one other joining you?" she clarified, pointing to the fifth table set up at the round table.
"Yes, our other daughter should be here shortly," Trey answered.
"Rachel texted that her cab was a few blocks away," Daniel said in a lowered voice toward Santana and Brittany who nodded in reply.
"Brunch menus," the woman stated, handing them each a menu and motioning to the young man behind her, "Your waiter is Edmund."
"Welcome to Maguire's," Edmund told them, "Is this your first time dining with us?"
"No," Daniel said jovially, "This is one of our favorites."
"Wonderful," the seasoned waiter responded, "I see you're waiting for someone to join you so shall I start you with coffee? Bloody Mary perhaps?"
"Yes, coffee sounds great," Daniel answered, pointing toward his spouse, "We'll both have some."
Edmund looked toward Brittany, "Miss?"
"Coffee please," the blonde replied.
Santana paused before telling him, "Just water for me." She made eye-contact with Brittany and smiled, mouthing the words, "Just in case."
Brittany smiled widely at their potential secret.
"I'll be right back then," Edmund assured them.
"I hope you girls are hungry. Everything here is delicious," Trey told them after the waiter walked away, having eaten at the restaurant on several visits to Manhattan.
"Yes, the Eggs Benedict with the crab cakes is my personal favorite," Daniel added.
"Oh yes, dear…their hollandaise sauce is delectable, isn't it?" Trey informed them.
Brittany and Santana looked down the short list of high-priced brunch entrees then looked at each other and swallowed hard.
Daniel gave them a side-glance, noting the looks on their attractive faces, telling them nonchalantly, "This is our treat so order whatever looks good."
"Dad, no…it's Father's Day…we want to treat you guys," Santana tried to cover her concern over the prices.
"That's right! It is Father's Day…so you have to let us do whatever we want," Daniel reached over and put his hand over Santana's hand as she held the fancy menu, "And our favorite thing to do is spoil our girls."
Santana looked across the table at Trey who winked at her then she felt Brittany's hand lovingly pat her knee under the table.
"I'm here…finally!" a voice squealed across the half-full dining room, causing everybody at the table to turn in the direction of the petite brunette who was walking toward them with a broad smile and outstretched-hands in full dramatic flair.
Rachel Berry was dressed in a stylish summer dress with a chunky red necklace that perfectly-accented the black and white geometric pattern. She went straight to where Trey was seated, hugging him from behind and kissing his chiseled jawline, then straightened to hug Daniel who stood up from his chair, kissing him sweetly.
"It's so good to see you, pumpkin," Trey stated, reaching up to squeeze her hand.
"Happy Father's Day to the two best dads on the planet," she stated enthusiastically.
"Rachel…you look positively breathtaking," Daniel told her, sitting back in his seat and returning his cloth napkin to his lap.
"Thank you, Daddy," Rachel replied, circling around the table to quickly greet Santana then Brittany on the cheek with a warm kiss before taking the remaining seat between the blonde and Trey.
"Everybody looks fantastic…all dressed up for brunch," Rachel said dynamically, "And I have wonderful news to share with you. Where's our waiter…we need something to toast with."
Daniel turned and motioned for Edmund who was already walking toward their table with the service of coffee.
"Welcome," the waiter said to Rachel, "What can we get you to drink, Miss?"
"You can bring each of us one of your famous frozen Bellinis so we can celebrate," she instructed him.
"Absolutely, Miss…I'll bring those right away," he smiled then walked away.
"What are we celebrating, Rachel?" Brittany asked, always amused at Rachel's flamboyance which had grown over the past few years with her success in theatre.
"My favorite topic…me!" she smiled at everyone, starting, "Okay, so guess who will be the featured article in Playbill for August?"
"Hmmm? You?" Santana smirked playfully.
"Yes!" Rachel beamed as though the answer weren't obvious, "They are doing a full write-up of Funny Girl…even though the show's opening has been pushed back three more weeks. That's huge."
"That is spectacular, sweetheart!" her fathers both applauded her which made the tiny diva glow innocently as if she were still four-years-old and taking her first recital bow.
Edmund appeared with a tray full of champagne flutes filled with a peach-colored frozen concoction, setting one in front of each of them.
Daniel held his up and led them in a proud toast, "Congratulations, Rachel…and Brittany…we are giddy with anticipation for the show's premiere."
Everyone smiled and congratulated Rachel for her first starring role, taking a sip of their alcoholic beverage. Santana raised her glass to toast the smaller brunette then set it back down on the table discreetly without drinking from it…or so she thought.
Rachel Berry was often a self-indulged prima donna, but she loved dearly the Latina whom she called her sister. She was also observant, looking across the table at Santana, seeing her push away her still-full Bellini before pulling her water glass toward her.
"Are you not drinking today, Santana?" Rachel asked her.
"Not today," Santana replied casually, looking back toward her fathers.
"Cream for your coffee then," Rachel offered to pass the silver cream server, knowing exactly how Santana took her much-beloved coffee.
Santana paused then stated, "I'm drinking water today."
Rachel nodded with a furrowed brow, "It is a hot day…it's good to stay hydrated."
"Did you hear that Giselle is opening at Lincoln Center next month?" Brittany quickly threw out the topic of the famous ballet to distract from Rachel's curious tone.
"I have always loved that one," Daniel reflected, "Trey, do you remember the first time we saw it. D.C. was it?"
"It was, yes…at the Kennedy Center…1994, I believe," Trey added.
"It was '94, you're right, because it was shortly before Rachel was born," Daniel confirmed.
"Speaking of being born…," Rachel interrupted, refusing to let go, "Is there any particular announcement you want to make today, Santana?"
Santana shifted awkwardly in her plush chair, feeling all eyes suddenly on her. "No," she shook her head and gave Rachel a tight-lipped smile.
"Oh come on, San. Tell us…," the smaller brunette pushed more gently, "Did you guys have another IUI?"
Brittany looked to her right to see her wife looking back at her with an emotionless expression.
"Brittany?" Rachel prodded.
Brittany took a sip of her coffee.
"We don't know anything yet," Santana finally relented.
"Yet?" Daniel asked, hopeful.
"So you might be?" Rachel clarified with clear excitement.
"The probability is the same as it has been in the past," Santana stated sadly, knowing her family understood her hesitation to be overly optimistic.
"Sooo…you might be," Rachel offered with a sweet smile.
"You guys will know when we know," Santana specified with a less tense expression.
"You know, Daniel…we are two very lucky fathers on this wonderful day," Trey raised his glass in a salute to his daughters.
Daniel raised his as well, agreeing, "We certainly are!"
Wednesday, June 22, 2022
1:12am
Brittany eased open her front door, shutting it closed behind her and locking both deadbolts as quietly as she could before setting down her dance bags on the floor.
She tip-toed over to the couch where Santana had fallen asleep watching television and pulled a light-weight throw off the back of it to cover her sleeping wife.
The blonde moved about the tiny apartment, removing her sneakers and sweaty-smelling rehearsal clothes, changing into cotton shorts and a freshly-washed t-shirt. She went into the bathroom, grimacing slightly when the door creaked as she shut it, where she freshen up by washing her face and pulling her long hair into a tight ponytail on top of her head.
Brittany then moved into the corner of the room that was their kitchen, flipping on the light over the sink in order to pour a bowl of cereal, topping it off with milk from their small fridge. She took a seat at a small round table that sufficed as their entire dining room, pulling up one leg against her chest as she sat and smiling to herself as she tilted the red box to look down at the friendly leprechaun on its front. She may have turned twenty-eight on her last birthday, but Lucky Charms was still her personal favorite.
In between bites, she heard Santana stir and sit up, asking, "What time is it?"
Brittany brightened the screen on her phone and answered, "One thirty."
"Did rehearsal go better tonight?" Santana inquired as she walked behind Brittany, stopping long enough to kiss the top of the blonde's head, moving toward the sink to run some water in her glass.
"Somewhat," Brittany replied, still chewing, "I mean, it seemed like Alton screamed a little less tonight."
"Maybe he's given up hope?" Santana teased, taking a long drink of water.
"I would too if I were piloting The Hindenburg," Brittany referred in jest to her over-the-top director, Alton Weiss, whose melodramatic personality made Rachel Berry seem calm in comparison.
Santana took one last sip and set her glass in the sink, joking, "Don't mention that in front of him or Gail…or that will be their next project."
Brittany laughed out loud. The only producer insane enough to try and stage Hindenburg: The Musical would be Gail Thornton, and the only director arrogant enough to think he could actually pull it off would be Alton. "Yeah, he would probably want live flames each night…and he would have us dancing out of the fiery ruins as it crashed to the stage below."
Santana shared in Brittany's humorous vision, laughing heartily as she moved back over to where she sat, hugging her tightly from behind. "Hang in there, babe. They're fortunate to have someone with your talent."
The blonde kissed Santana on the side of her mouth as the Latina leaned over her, "Thanks, hon."
"Alright, I'm going to the bathroom then I'm getting in bed," Santana informed her wife, closing the bathroom door.
"I'm nearly done with the light," Brittany said loudly enough for her to hear.
Brittany finished her cereal and leisurely read some of the day's headlines on the Huffington Post via her cell phone. She could hear the toilet flush then the water running inside the small bathroom. After several minutes passed, the tall dancer stood and walked over to the sink, running water in her dirty bowl, washing it, and setting it in the drain board.
She picked up Santana's water glass and ran some cold water in it, taking a long drink.
"Um…Britt?"
Brittany turned mid-sip to see Santana walking up nervously behind her. "What?" she asked the brunette.
"Okay…um…so you know how this Friday is fourteen days since the insemination, right?" Santana asked.
Brittany nodded, lowering the glass.
"Well…I've been just sort of randomly taking these pregnancy tests…just for the hell of it," Santana explained, holding up a white and blue plastic stick.
Brittany could see that her wife's hands were trembling, but she wasn't quite sure what she was trying to tell her. "Okay."
Santana stepped closer toward Brittany. "I just took one…there's supposed to be a second line if it's positive."
The blonde reached to steady Santana's hand, tilting the stick toward the brighter section of the illuminated kitchen. She examined it then pulled it closer. Puzzled, she stated, "I think I see a second line."
"Me too."
Brittany looked up, and her eyes locked with Santana's eyes. She then pulled the Latina with her to the brighter light of the bathroom, both of them crowded around its sink. Inspecting it again, she said more boldly, "There's a second line."
Neither of them said anything as time seemed to screech to a halt.
"Do another one," Brittany suggested with urgency in her voice.
"It was my last one," Santana frowned.
Brittany brushed past Santana to leave the bathroom, her heart racing, and she walked over to where she last left her sandals.
"Where are you going?" Santana followed her, confused.
"CVS…we need more," Brittany answered as though that rationale was completely plausible, squatting near the door to dig out her wallet from her messenger bag.
Santana stepped over to their bedroom, sliding her feet into her shoes too and grabbing her keys from the kitchen table, "Let's go."
The two of them traveled quickly down six flights of stairs on adrenaline alone then practically raced around the corner and up the main street to the 24-hour pharmacy. This time, Brittany had to stretch her steps just to keep up with the shorter brunette.
"Honey…slow down…you're going to cause one of us to have a heart attack," Brittany said to her wife as they slowed to wait for the automatic door of the store to open.
"This was your idea," Santana reminded her, making her way quickly to the aisle with the pregnancy tests.
The two stopped and stared at all the choices, both brand-names and generics.
"Which one this time?" Santana asked, looking up at Brittany.
The blonde grabbed one of each kind and said, "I hope you still have to pee."
After they paid for all five boxes and a large bottle of water, the girls ran to the back corner of the pharmacy where the restroom was located.
"Hurry," Santana said to Brittany in a frantic whisper, uncapping the plastic bottle.
Brittany unboxed and ripped open several of the various sticks while Santana chugged half the bottle of water in nearly one gulp.
"Britt…I can't pee that much," Santana said as she looked down at all the opened testing sticks.
"Well, just…you know…stick them all under there…at the same time maybe," Brittany suggested with a shrug, lost in unfamiliar territory.
Santana couldn't help but laugh. "What the hell are we doing here?" she asked, looking around the relatively-clean, brightly-lit public restroom.
Brittany laughed too at the mounting absurdity, tossing some of the foil wrappers in the nearby trashcan.
"Okay, take your pick then," Brittany held out five sticks like a deck of cards from which Santana could choose.
Santana picked a traditional one and a digital one and went inside one of the stalls.
Brittany waited as patiently as possible, reading the back of the e.p.t. box, for Santana to use the restroom and step back out to wash her hands, placing the plastic sticks on a paper towel. The girls stood there for two of the longest minutes of their lives just staring at each other with nervousness pulsing through their veins.
The blonde looked at the clock on her phone. 2:09 am. She smiled at the brunette across from her then pointed to the pregnancy tests.
"I can't look," Santana bit at her lower lip, "You look first."
Brittany took in a deep breath of air and slowly blew it out then leaned over the counter, picking up the digital test.
"Well…?" Santana prompted when the blonde didn't immediately react.
"A minus is probably a bad sign, huh?"
"A minus?" Santana repeated with extreme disappointment, feeling instantly gutted, "Yeah."
Brittany turned and held it up for her wife to see, "So good thing it's a blue plus sign!"
"What?" Santana shrieked which echoed loudly in the small restroom, grabbing Brittany's hand to see the indicator screen.
"You're pregnant, honey!" Brittany announced animatedly, pulling the Latina into a hug.
Santana reached for the other test, seeing a positive reading on it as well, confirming with awe, "Two lines."
Brittany laughed, "Two lines…twice! And a plus sign."
Santana could only stand there, stunned. She didn't necessarily feel any different at the moment, but three tests were telling her that she had life growing inside her. She looked up at the face of her wife, seeing fresh tears in her bright blue eyes, and she knew that it must be true. She was pregnant. Finally.
"Britt…," Santana wrapped her arms around Brittany's waist and fell into her for support, crying uncontrollably.
"Oh my god…I can't believe this, honey…," Brittany caressed the curve of Santana's back as she felt the brunette's shoulders shake with emotion.
Santana looked up, her voice cracking, "We're going to have a baby, Britt."
"I love you so very verymuch," Brittany kissed her firmly, her own emotions equally out of control with a mixture of extreme relief and overwhelming joy, declaring aloud, "We are actually going to have a baby!"
Author's Note: I am elated that so many of y'all have taken to this new story so quickly. I hope you enjoyed this update. Thank you to each of you who took a moment to leave a review. I read them all!
Oh and to prove that statement: a HUGE thanks to "Guest" for helping me with my fertility acronym faux pas. My ex-partner (who carried our little ones) literally slapped me in the back of the head when I told her I mixed them up. Oops. It is IUI (not IVF) which I went back and fixed.
Also, thank you for the comments from you theatre folks. I know I may invoke creative license occasionally and move around a few things in the duration of this fic, but I promise to try hard to stick as closely as possible to true theatre facts and customs. Be polite but keep me honest. :) Kim