Keep Me Where the Light Is (part 8)
Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I'm not sure I could
They say time heals everything,
But I'm still waiting…
I'm through with doubt
There's nothing left for me to figure out
I've paid a price,
And I'll keep paying…
I'm not ready to make nice
I'm not ready to back down
I'm still mad as hell, and I don't have time
To go round and round and round…
It's too late to make it right
Probably wouldn't if I could,
Cause I'm mad as hell, can't bring myself
To do what it is you think I should….
(Not Ready To Make Nice ~ Dixie Chicks)
Monday, August 15, 2022
7:46 PM
Santana Lopez-Pierce followed behind her wife as they were guided through the low-lit Italian restaurant by the Maître d', until they arrived at the table where Austin Royle and his date sat engrossed in conversation.
She paused to allow Brittany to pull out a chair for her, looking down at Austin's dinner guest and seeing the worst part of her past looking back at her.
"Santana?" she heard Brittany say to her, but her wife's words didn't register through the intensity of emotion filling Santana's head at the sight of the man who raped her.
Brittany looked over her shoulder at Santana, finding she had a focused expression of panic. The brunette literally looked like she was staring into the face of a ghost. When the blonde looked back toward the table, she saw David Karofsky sitting there with a similar look of astonishment.
Austin unknowingly interrupted the intense reunion, saying to Brittany as he pulled her into a friendly hug, "Ladies, sit down. I'm going to pass out from hunger if we don't order soon."
Finally breaking eye contact with Karofsky, Santana looked toward Brittany who shook her head, her blue eyes expressing let's leave now. Santana sat down though, guided by something internal, not wanting to exit in defeat.
Brittany swallowed hard and helped Santana by pushing in her chair, hating that her love had to sit next to Karofsky while she took the seat next to Austin.
"So Brittany…Santana…this is Mitch Resnik," Austin enthusiastically introduced his date, putting his hand over Karofsky's hand which was propped on the table, holding tightly to the stem of his wine glass.
There was an awkward silence as all three of them stared at each other, broken only by a well-timed waiter who appeared.
"Wine, Miss?"
"Please," Brittany replied with a hint of desperation in her voice, her skin tingling with disgust for the man sitting across the table. Everything inside her was extremely heightened at the moment as her internal instincts of wanting to protect her wife and their child battled fiercely with needing to follow Santana's lead. She pushed her glass toward the waiter, adding, "Fill it all the way."
"Yes, ma'am," the waiter smiled as he pulled the wine bottle from the center of the square table and filled her wine glass nearly to the top with a deep red liquid.
"For you, Miss?" he asked across the table to Santana.
"No, thank you," she responded softly, swallowing hard and trying to take calm, even breaths, "Water will be fine."
Brittany took a long sip of her wine, hoping it would calm her, not knowing exactly why they willingly sat down to participate in this train wreck of an evening.
"Isn't this cabernet smooth?" Austin said as he held up his glass, smiling at Brittany then over at David, "Mitch ordered it…he knows a lot about wine."
"Yeah, it's awesome," Brittany snipped as she rolled her eyes and took another sip, further suggesting, "It's also awesome of Mitch to pay for everybody tonight."
Karofsky choked slightly on his swallow of wine as Austin laughed, thinking Brittany was joking, seemingly oblivious to the mounting tension hanging over the table.
"Have you guys ever been here before?" Austin asked as he read over his menu.
"No," Brittany clipped, continuing to drink her wine, staring across the table at David who was now avoiding eye contact with the girls.
"It's Mitch's favorite," Austin looked up at Karofsky and practically swooned, "He loves Italian food."
Brittany felt her stomach turn at how head over heels her best friend was with Karofsky, and she watched Dave as he shifted nervously in his seat and flipped a page in his menu without responding.
"So…Mitch," Brittany started, setting her wine glass back on the table, "Tell us about yourself…."
Karofsky looked up at her, more unnerved at the impending conversation than he felt when he first saw Santana and Brittany standing at the table.
Santana's head turned quickly to look at her wife, picking up the bread basket and setting it on top of the blonde's menu, "Here, sweetheart…have some bread with your wine."
"I'm good, thanks," Brittany forced a smile toward Santana and set the basket back in the center of the table, "Are you from New York originally?"
He cleared his throat and said softly, "Uhh, no…I'm from Ohio."
"You didn't tell me that," Austin said with a dramatic gesture, "Brittany and Santana are from Ohio too."
"Small world…isn't it, Mitch," Brittany said sarcastically, taking another drink from her wine glass.
"Yeah, it is…," Karofsky retorted, a pained look on his face, "…and shrinking more and more by the minute."
Santana turned her attention to Dave Karofsky's face as he spoke to Brittany, noticing he had slimmed down in the past eleven years since she last saw him. He once was a hefty, brute of a teen on the William McKinley varsity football squad, but now, with his baby flab gone, he was quite lean with broad shoulders, muscular arms, and a very handsome face.
The fact that Dave Karofsky was out of prison was not the shocking part of seeing him again, since Santana received a parole notification from the Federal Correctional Institution's Parole Board four years ago, informing her that he was being released after serving eight of the twelve-year sentence he received for raping her.
According to the letter, "Mr. Karofsky" had been a "model prisoner" in the span of eight years, making him "an ideal candidate for early release." Just how Karofsky went from being Dave, an Ohio parolee, to Mitch, Prince Charming of Manhattan, was the part currently spinning around inside Santana's head.
The waiter appeared again to refill Brittany's wine glass, asking, "Are you ready to order?"
"Absolutely!" Austin said, ordering the pasta special with shrimp.
"For you, Miss?" the young man asked Brittany who was already taking another long sip of wine.
She picked up her menu and handed it to the waiter, "Nothing. I've lost my appetite."
Santana cleared her throat, realizing that her wife was pissed off and well on her way to being drunk, insisting, "She'll have the lasagna."
"And you?" he asked Santana.
Not having looked at the menu, she just picked an Italian standard, "The cheese ravioli please."
"Marinara or meat sauce?" the waiter specified.
"Marinara please," the brunette answered politely.
"Sir?" he asked Dave.
"Chicken piccata," he answered softly and handed over his menu without looking up.
"Very good," the waiter smiled and collected the remaining menus, "More wine too?"
"Yes …," Brittany replied at the same time Santana said loudly, "No…."
The waiter looked confused until Karofsky stated, "Yes, another bottle…please."
"I'll be right back with that," he told them.
As soon as the waiter walked away, Brittany started again, "You know, Mitch…you look familiar. Have we met before?"
Santana looked over at Brittany then put her hand over the blonde's and squeezed it.
David cleared his throat, and responded, "I think I just have one of those familiar faces."
"Yeah, maybe that's it," Brittany retorted, pushing further just to rattle him more, "You don't look much like a Mitch though…if that's your real name."
Austin laughed again, thinking how quirky his dear friend could be. "Oh, Britt."
Santana nervously laughed too, subtly reaching to pull Brittany's wine glass away.
"No, seriously…is your name really Mitch…Resnik, was it?" Brittany restated, deadpanned, putting her hand on the stem of the glass to pull it back toward her.
David stared across the table at Brittany, his eyelids twitching.
Austin's laugh broke, and he looked at his blonde friend, "Of course that's his name, Britt."
"Mitchell is actually my middle name," David responded to the doubt in her question.
Brittany nodded, staring coldly across the table at him and picking up her glass for another calming sip of wine before asking bluntly, "So, Mitchell…have you ever been in prison?"
Santana and Karofsky both choked on their respective drinks.
"Brittany!" Austin let out an awkward laugh, thinking she was being protective of him, "Of course he hasn't…do you want him to submit financials and a blood sample too?"
"Excuse me…I need to go to the restroom," Santana said politely as she wiped her mouth with her napkin and pushed out her chair, "Britt, honey…will you please join me?"
"No, I'm good," the blonde replied, her hook firmly planted in David Karofsky, enjoying the sight of him having to squirm under her direct questions, "You go ahead."
"Brittany…sweetheart…," Santana said firmly, "Please?"
The tall dancer took a deep breath and set her cloth napkin on the table then stood and followed Santana toward the sign that read Restrooms.
As soon as Santana pushed through the door to the ladies room, she looked under the two stalls for feet then turned to face her wife who was right behind her, challenging her, "Oh my god…what are you doing?"
"Calling him out on his double life," she grimaced as if it were obvious.
"Britt…?" Santana shook her head, at a complete loss as to what to say to her wife.
"Why are we even still here?" Brittany asked, seeing the stress on Santana's face.
"I am trying to be civilized."
"Why should we be civilized? He's a monster…who almost destroyed you. He doesn't deserve to sit in your presence!" Brittany raised her voice which vibrated in the small space.
Santana took in a deep breath of air, pausing. "Because Austin hasn't done anything wrong…," the brunette replied softly, "…and neither have we. Why should I be the one to run out of here in shame?"
Brittany didn't say anything in response, folding her long arms and leaning back against the wall.
Santana eased her arms around Brittany's waist, telling her calmly, "Babe, you are drinking way too much wine, and you are making everyone uncomfortable."
"I want to smash his face in," she confessed with a harsh tone, her anger causing her to breathe heavily through her nose.
Santana hugged her wife, saying lovingly, "Then let's just leave, because I won't allow him to make you be somebody you're not."
"Austin deserves the full truth," Brittany snipped, her anger keeping her from relaxing under Santana's touch.
"Yes, but he deserves it from Karofsky...not some crazy, drunk, blonde woman," Santana smiled up at her which made Brittany laugh slightly.
"I am sort of drunk, huh?" Brittany admitted.
Santana laughed, "Yeah…a tad more than sort of." She hugged Brittany tightly, laying her head on the taller girl's chest, "I love you so much…and I love you even more for always looking out after me."
Brittany sighed and leaned her head against Santana's, "I guess this proves you can never fully forget the past."
"No…but having to look at us and see what he will probably never have is enough satisfaction for me," Santana revealed.
Brittany took a deep breath, realizing how well the years of therapy had helped Santana process what happened to her. Santana was scarred, but she was not broken any longer. Brittany also realized she herself wasn't to the point of forgiveness yet.
"I don't think I can go back to the table and play nice," Brittany confessed, biting at her bottom lip, "I'm sorry if that makes me weak."
"It's okay…and it doesn't make you weak…it makes you human," Santana reassured her with a small kiss, asking, "Should we ask for our food to be boxed up since you have Mitch paying the tab?"
Brittany laughed slightly, putting a mental check-mark in her win column, suggesting, "No…let's find our waiter and order everything on the menu then sneak out the back."
Santana shook her head, trying not to smile, advising, "Or…you can text Austin and tell him one of us isn't feeling well enough to return."
8:20 PM
The phone in Austin's pocket buzzed, and he reached in to pull it out, lighting the screen to read it. "Hmm…that's weird," he said aloud.
"What?" David Karofsky asked, still reeling from his unexpected encounter with Brittany S. Lopez-Pierce.
"They're leaving," Austin replied with confusion.
"Who?"
"Brittany and Santana," Austin stated, "Brittany feels sick she said."
Dave did not reply, experiencing an unusual mix of relief and distress, knowing they left because of him.
"Well, that explains maybe why she was acting so crazy tonight," Austin explained to his date, "I'm really sorry…she's not usually like that. She's usually so wonderful, and I was really looking forward to you meeting her."
"Yeah, I know…," Dave grimaced, remembering how excitedly Austin spoke about his best friend the last time they went out, insisting, "You never mentioned she was married though…to a woman…named Santana."
"Didn't I?" Austin reflected, "I guess I didn't…they are so adorable, aren't they? They've known each other their whole lives…I just think that is so amazingly romantic." Austin looked at Dave with sincerity in his hazel-colored eyes, "I want so much to find something like that."
The waiter appeared with a tray of food for the table, setting all the plates at the proper places.
"Oh…I'm sorry," Austin spoke up as he set down the girls' plates, "My friends had an emergency…would you just box their entrees please?"
"Sure," the young waiter replied, picking up the two plates and setting them back on his tray before he carried it toward the kitchen.
Austin picked up his fork and immediately took a big bite of his pasta, "Oh my god, this is so good."
David took a sip of his water without eating his chicken. He looked over at his date, remembering that he instantly found Austin attractive, and once they went out a couple of times, David found him equally charming and full of life. It was never his intention to harm or mislead Austin. He simply wanted a chance to start fresh.
"What's wrong?" Austin inquired, wiping at his mouth as he swallowed.
"Austin…," David started then paused.
"What?"
Karofsky sighed heavily. "I don't know why I ever thought I could just…start over."
Austin stopped mid-bite. "What do you mean?"
"You need to know something. My first name is David…my middle name is Mitchell…and I know Santana and Brittany from Lima, Ohio," he said slowly, the dredging of his past clearly hard for him, "We all went to high school together."
"What?" Austin shook his head, "That's so bizarre…why didn't any of you guys tell me?"
"I was a different person then…," he confessed, running out of words quickly.
Karofsky swallowed hard, trying to force moisture back into his dry mouth. He had worked so hard, both mentally and physically, to better himself while he was in prison.
He got his GED then took college courses through the prison and earned a marketing degree from Lima Community College. David worked with a counselor to push through his anger control issues and his self-hatred over his sexuality.
Once he was released on parole, he worked in Columbus for a year. After that went well, David applied to a new program being tested in the Federal parole system that allowed "well-qualified candidates" to transfer to other participating states to pursue professional job opportunities.
His sex-offender status would have been an automatic denial, his parole advisor revealed to him, but his age at the time of the offense together with his clean record in the nine years that followed were enough to edge him into the program.
Three months later, David found himself living in an apartment in Manhattan and working for the marketing department of the New York Knicks professional basketball team. He had been extremely careful about venturing out into the New York City nightlife until recently when he completed the program that officially ended his parole.
Prisoner 08122008 was now considered rehabilitated by the Federal Correctional System, and David Karofsky, taking on his mother's maiden name, was reborn as Mitchell Resnik.
"Mitch? What's going on here?" Austin was starting to panic, looking for any reassurance at all in his date's face.
David Karofsky did not know what more to say, feeling anything at this point would only destroy any chance he had with Austin. He stood and pulled out several bills from his wallet, throwing them down on the table to pay for dinner, saying in total defeat, "I'm so sorry, Austin…but you deserve someone much better than me."
Austin Royle set down his fork and watched his date walk out of the restaurant, leaving him alone at the table and in overwhelming confusion.
8:50 PM
Santana pushed her house key into the lock on apartment #6C then opened the door for her and Brittany.
"Okay, babe…take a seat," Santana pulled her wife toward their small living room, nudging her down onto to the couch, "We need to get you something to eat."
"I'm fine, Tan…," Brittany insisted, but the slur of her words betrayed her.
Santana took a glass from the kitchen cabinet and filled it with cold tap water. She then walked to the bathroom and pulled a bottle of Advil from the medicine cabinet, walking back over to the couch and handing the glass of water to Brittany.
"Here," she told the blonde, popping off the bottle's top and shaking out two tablets into her hand, "Take these…you'll need them when those tannins hit."
Brittany did as instructed and swallowed the pills, "Thanks." She took another long drink of the cool water then handed the glass back to the brunette who set it on the coffee table.
Santana sat on the floor between the couch and the small table and took off Brittany's shoes then began to massage her bare feet, kissing the tops of them sweetly.
"That feels really good," Brittany told her, sitting on the couch with her head resting back on one of its over-sized cushions.
"We have to keep these feet in top working condition," Santana kissed them again, "since they are our only source of income lately."
Brittany laughed, "They are very…very…tired and achy lately."
"I know, babe…and I appreciate all you do for us," the brunette smiled, "so I want to take care of all your aches."
"All of my aches?" Brittany smirked, lifting her head to look down at Santana, her movements somewhat sloppy from the wine.
The Latina pulled herself up to her knees, leaning forward on Brittany's thighs, "Well…where exactly are you aching?"
"In a place only you can alleviate," Brittany tried to say, but the word alleviate came out like a hybrid sound a toddler would make. The blonde sat up and leaned in to kiss her wife firmly on the lips, laughing slightly when their front teeth clanked.
"You're drunk," Santana smiled into the kiss.
"Just because I'm drunk doesn't mean I'm not horny," Brittany slipped her hands under Santana's arms and pulled her up on top of her, kissing her harder.
"We have both been preoccupied lately, haven't we?" Santana broke for air and admitted, missing the passion she typically shared with her wife.
Brittany didn't respond verbally but ran her hands over Santana's shapely backside and up her back, rubbing the smooth skin of her shoulders that was exposed at the top of her dress. She then lowered her mouth on the brunette's neck which she'd been eying earlier in the evening, sucking gently below Santana's right ear.
Santana moaned, moving her hands up to the blonde's jawline, pulling her into a deeper kiss and slipping her tongue into Brittany's mouth.
The two of them stretched out further on the couch and continued to kiss, their hands exploring each other's bodies, reconnecting their souls.
"I need you to touch me," Brittany confessed breathlessly, adding, "Please?"
Santana whispered, "Of course, my love," as she shifted her body toward the back of the couch so she could unbutton and unzip the top of Brittany's pants then slide her hand down inside her underwear. The Latina smiled when she discovered how wet Brittany already was, pushing apart the blonde's thighs with her knee and slipping her middle finger between her folds.
Brittany took in a deep breath of air as she felt Santana's finger move up and down then start rubbing her skillfully. A loud moan escaped from her throat, her ache stronger than she previously thought. "Oh yesss, right there," she confirmed.
"Feels good, doesn't it, sweetheart," Santana asked with a sultry tone to her voice, continuing to rub consistently on Brittany's throbbing clit.
"Uhuh," she assured her, closing her eyes and tilting her head back further, enjoying the intensity that was building between her thighs.
Santana watched her wife's face as she pleasured her. It was clear that Brittany was savoring the focused attention she was getting, devoid of other distracting sensations or mutual stimulation. In this moment, it was simply Santana meeting Brittany's most basic need.
The Latina's eyes scanned every inch, every feature, of Brittany's face, from the light brown of her brows to the long, angled ridge of her prominent nose to the sprinkle of freckles scattered across her very familiar face. Santana watched as the skin between Brittany's brows wrinkled then smoothed then wrinkled again as the blonde's expressions oscillated from concentration to ecstasy under Santana's touch.
The love for this woman that Santana felt was way beyond physical or even emotional. Her love for Brittany surpassed any words she could verbalize. It existed in another realm where they synchronized as one entity, and to watch Brittany in a complete state of euphoria and vulnerability overwhelmed Santana's senses, bringing tears to her eyes.
It wasn't but a moment longer and Brittany's body went taut under Santana as electricity shot through her entire body, Brittany's orgasm shaking her all the way down to her toes.
Once Brittany stilled, Santana pulled her hand out of the blonde's pants, wiping it subtly on Brittany's abdomen, before she wrapped her arms tightly around her, telling her, "Do you know how truly beautiful you are?"
Brittany squeezed Santana, feeling so amazingly sated and relaxed, having needed that release desperately, replying simply, "Thank you, honey."
Author's Note: I'm so glad everyone enjoyed the last chapter! I loved hearing from so many of you about it. I hope you liked the aftermath just as much.
I know these chapters are shorter than my chapters were in Her Smile Heals Me, but please keep in mind that I am updating KMWTLI much faster this way. Stay with me, folks! There is so very much that is going to happen in this story.
Leave me a review if you have anything at all to say! I read each one and respond to many of them. Also, don't forget you can find me under mamatots on tumblr. Thanks, Kim