Keep Me Where the Light Is (part 9)
I'm not the sort of person
Who falls in and quickly out of love,
But to you I gave my affection
Right from the start…
I have a lover who loves me
How could I break such a heart,
Yet still you get my attention…
…You make me lie when I don't want to,
And you make someone else
some kind of an unknowing fool,
And you make me stay
When I should not
Are you so strong or is all
the weakness in me….
(The Weakness In Me ~ Joan Armatrading)
Wednesday, August 17, 2022
11:15 AM
Cate Boyd walked hand-in-hand down West 4th Street with her girlfriend, Jess Crawford, on Wednesday morning. Once the couple reached Broadway, they crossed the street and turned left, passing in front of one of the university bookstores.
"Oh, hon…," Jess stopped abruptly, "Let me run in here and check if my textbook came in."
"Sure," Cate smiled, following the younger girl inside.
Cate browsed one of the sale tables while she waited, picking up one of the suspense novels and reading the inside jacket. She put it back on the table then moved over toward the fiction section, seeing a display in the center of the store called Staff Recommendations.
The brunette paused in front of the display, scanning the staff's selections. Being an avid reader most of her life, she recognized many of the titles as being old and new bestsellers, having read most of them already. Her light blue eyes froze on a particular title though, not having thought of it in years. The book was Room by Emma Donoghue, and Cate's memory instantly went to a night eleven years earlier when she drove to hear the author speak about her novel. It was the first time Cate Boyd ever went out with Quinn Fabray…it was also the night she first kissed her.
The older girl took a settling breath as she shook off the flash of memory which seemed to invade her out of nowhere.
"Cate?" Jess said from nearby.
The tall brunette shook her head and turned toward her name, "Yes?"
"Did you hear me?" Jess asked, tilting her head and narrowing her eyes, recognizing that far-away look on her girlfriend's face.
"I'm sorry…I was reading something," Cate covered, "What did you need?"
"I asked if you have any change."
"Uh, yeah…," Cate slid her right hand down in the front pocket of her favorite jeans, pulling out a handful of coins, a tube of lip balm, and a balled up, forgotten piece of paper. She paused again, looking down at the varied items in her palm and seeing the ragged white ball.
"Do you have thirty cents?" Jess prompted.
"Yeah," Cate picked out a quarter and a nickel, handing it to the younger girl, "Here."
"Thanks," Jess smiled and turned back to the cashier.
Cate stepped over to the side of the store and stuffed everything back into her pocket except for the piece of paper. She had not thought about it since Saturday afternoon when Santana insisted she take it. She had wadded it up and put it in her pocket, discarded.
It had been washed with her jeans, making it quite tattered. As she unrolled it, she surprised herself that she internally held hope it remained readable. Once she flattened it out, she was relieved that all but one number was legible. The next to last number was smudged from the washing machine, but Cate could tell it was either a four or a nine.
She stood there staring at it. It really looks more like a four, she thought. Or could it be a seven? No, this number is definitely a seven so that one has to be a four. The brunette shook her head. Stop it, Cate, she chastised herself for even trying to figure it out.
She balled up the paper again and stuffed it back into her pocket. I don't care, she reminded herself.
"Ready?" Jess asked, walking up behind Cate and slipping her arm through the older girl's arm to link them.
Cate jumped slightly at the unanticipated contact, internally cursing herself, feeling as though she were caught doing something she shouldn't be doing. She sighed heavily and forced a smile, telling Jess, "Yeah…let's go."
Saturday, August 20, 2022
10:51 AM
Santana stood in the middle of the hotel lobby, watching from a short distance as Brittany used the concierge phone to call her parents' hotel room. The last time Santana stood inside this lobby was when the Glee Club went to the Show Choir Nationals competition her junior year in high school. They'd lost that year, but the group won the title of National Champions the following year in Chicago.
Glee Club meant everything to Santana, and to Brittany, when they were teens. Through that experience, Santana found her passion for singing and performing, she met the friends who became her second family, including Rachel Berry who became the sister she never thought she wanted or would ever have, and most importantly, she faced and ultimately accepted her deeply-rooted love for Brittany.
"Santana!"
The Latina turned toward the wall of elevators to see a bubbly, attractive nineteen-year-old walking in her direction. Santana smiled broadly and acknowledged with outstretched hands, "Hey, squirt!"
Emily Pierce hugged her sister-in-law tightly, questioning, "I'm about to be a sophomore in college…don't you think I'm a bit old to be called squirt?"
"Nah, never," Santana winked at the young blonde as Brittany walked up to them.
"Hey, Em," Brittany hugged her younger sister, kissing her cheek.
"Mom and Dad are coming," Emily informed the older girls, "Are we eating soon? I'm starving."
"Yeah, I texted and tried calling Mom's cell when we got here, but the call went straight to voice mail," Brittany said, "So I just called the room."
"Our phones both died," Emily explained, adding with a victorious smile, "I claimed the charger first when we got to the room."
"How was the drive in?" Santana asked the young blonde, thinking how much she looked like Brittany, especially now that she'd grown slightly taller than her older sister.
"It was fine…all my stuff is boxed and stuffed into the back of the van," Emily divulged.
They shared a small laugh as Meg and John Pierce stepped up behind them, "Hey, girls!"
"Dad!" Brittany hugged her dad then her mom, telling them, "I'm so glad to see you guys. I've missed you so much."
"We've missed you too," her mom told her, holding onto her eldest child's hand, squeezing it.
"You both look fantastic!" John assured them, hugging Santana, "Do you know where you want to eat lunch?"
"Yes, we know a great place near the theatre," Santana answered.
"I'm so glad you guys could come into the City to see the show," Brittany smiled.
"Of course, sweetie," Mrs. Pierce said, "We hate that we couldn't come for opening night, but this way at least…we get to see you two and the show before driving Emily upstate to Binghamton."
"Finally moving away to college!" Santana stated excitedly, "We're so proud of you, Em."
"Thanks," Emily beamed, "I can't wait!"
"Santana, you look more beautiful than ever today," Meg stepped around her daughters to hug Santana, pulling back quickly and looking down at her lower torso, "You're pregnant!"
Santana instantly looked over at Brittany who was looking at her mother like a deer in headlights, astonished that she could tell.
"Wait…how did you know?" Brittany asked.
Meg Pierce put her hand over her daughter-in-law's slightly protruding abdomen and smiled ear to ear, "This sundress does not fool me, dear."
Santana blushed slightly though the brown of her skin hid it.
"Besides…you are glowing, sweetheart," Meg complimented Santana.
Santana looked over at Brittany who winked at her with a proud smile on her face.
"When were you going to tell us, girls?" John Pierce asked joyfully, "Congrats!"
"At the restaurant," Brittany laughed, accepting a big hug from her dad, "I swear!"
"I'm so happy for you girls! You two will make wonderful moms…," Meg told them, understanding all their past struggles and what a blessing this pregnancy was for the entire family, "…but I'm even more elated that I'm going to be a grandmother!"
"Congratulations," Emily hugged them both again, looking forward to her future role as aunt, "And I'll be closer now so I can see the baby more!"
"Exactly!" Santana laughed, "How much do you charge to babysit for a weekend?"
Meg hugged Santana, asking sweetly, "You told your dads?"
"Yes, we had to tell them early if we wanted to make sure we beat Rachel to it," the Latina teased, remembering how excited Daniel and Trey were when they found out they'd be grandfathers finally.
Meg leaned closer to Santana, looking directly into her brown eyes, "Did you tell your mom yet?"
"I called her last night," Santana said with relief in her voice, "She's thrilled…and…she's visiting next week for her birthday."
"That's wonderful," Mrs. Pierce smiled with relief, "She and I will have a lot to talk about once she gets back…plus we have planning to do!"
"Mom, slow down…," Brittany insisted, "We don't even know yet if it's a boy or a girl."
"I vote boy!" John raised his hand.
"I vote girl," Emily stated with insistence, looking over at her father with a smile.
"Uh, sorry…it doesn't work that way," Brittany replied jokingly, slipping her arm lovingly around her wife's waist as the group walked out of the hotel.
Sunday, August 21, 2022
1:25 PM
Brittany rounded the corner of 51st Street in the theatre district of Manhattan, heading to the Gershwin for the Sunday matinee performance of Funny Girl.
She was excited that her family was in town for a short visit to see her dance and that they would be in the audience again today. Though the Pierces were immediately taken with the revival and the fabulous performance of Rachel Berry as the infamous Fanny Brice, being sure to point out how extraordinary the chorus members were too, Brittany knew her mom was now preoccupied with thoughts of becoming a grandmother.
Mrs. Pierce had given Brittany a small, decorative sack after the show Saturday night, saying she bought her and Santana a "small surprise" while she was out shopping that afternoon.
Brittany's sister promptly spilled the beans in typical Emily fashion by revealing, "It's for the baby."
The memory of her mother's face and the look she gave Emily made Brittany giggle to herself, but she assured her mom she would keep it a surprise until she and Santana could open it together.
The tall blonde was lost in her thoughts to the point that she almost past by Austin Royle on the sidewalk without realizing it. She stopped and backed up before she saw that he was on his phone.
"So anyway, I guess there's no use trying anymore," Austin said into the phone, "I suppose after a week, if you were going to call me then you would have already."
Austin turned unexpectedly, bumping into Brittany as she stood there.
"Oh sorry," he said then realized it was his best friend, "Oh…hey."
"Hey," Brittany frowned, feeling extremely disconnected from Austin since Monday night's fiasco dinner.
"I had to come outside to get a decent signal…I hate this stupid phone," he said, holding up his cell with a look of disgust on his handsome face.
"Austin…I'm sorry you're upset lately," Brittany didn't really know what more to say to him.
She had apologized several times in the past few days, mainly for her behavior at dinner that night. Santana suggested that Brittany not mention anything more to Austin about Karofsky or their connection to Karofsky, insisting that it was not their place to tell him. The blonde breathed deeply, feeling that she owed Austin more explanation than she had given, especially since it was clear Dave wasn't willing to take responsibility and face Austin's questions.
"It's okay…I guess I just scared him off," Austin said sadly, "He won't return any of my calls or texts."
"No…seriously, Austin…it's not you," Brittany tried to reassure him, adding vaguely, "Dave…I mean, Mitch…just has some personal issues that he needs to face and be upfront about."
"I know his name is David, Britt," Austin replied, "Remember? He told me that much."
"Right," the blonde frowned, leaning back against the bricked wall of the theatre and folding her long arms.
"Why won't you tell me the full story?"
Brittany swallowed hard, "Because I'm trying to be respectful of Santana and her privacy."
"Did they date or something? Is that why everything is so awkward with all of you?" he asked, stepping closer toward her, "Because I don't care if they did…I mean, if she doesn't feel weird about it then I'm cool with it."
"They didn't just date, Austin…it's way more complicated than that."
"What then? Somebody have the balls to tell me the truth here!" Austin raised his voice, causing a few passers-by to turn their heads toward the friends.
Brittany paused a long moment, contemplating the situation from all sides. She looked up to see the innocence in her best friend's face, knowing he had never wavered in his allegiance to her since she knew him as a geeky teenager.
She took a deep breath then disclosed softly, "He raped her, Austin."
Austin tilted his head, looking directly into the bright blue of Brittany's eyes, "What?"
"He brutally raped her…then he lied about it until he was forced to tell the truth," Brittany recounted her version of events for him, "He went to prison for it."
Austin's face lost all expression, and his pale skin went even whiter.
"It happened right before I met you at dance camp," she added.
"We were just kids then…why would he do that? How could he do that?" Austin pondered aloud, "That doesn't sound anything like the man I met."
"That's just it, Austin… you don't really know him. You don't know the real Dave Karofsky. He is not what you think he is."
"But…but…," he stammered over processing the truth, "He's so quiet…and gentle around me."
"There is no way that guy is gentle…if you knew the details of what he did to Santana…," Brittany trailed off, tears filling her eyes. She scanned her friend's face, seeing a look of disbelief, so she pushed the topic, "Do you remember when your brother drove me back to Lima because of an emergency at home?"
Austin nodded.
"Santana tried to kill herself because of what happened to her…because of him…you can't believe a word he says to you, Austin…you just can't," Brittany spoke sternly.
Austin sighed heavily, "I'm so sorry, Britt…I'm sorry I dragged him back into your lives."
Monday, August 22, 2022
9:28 AM
Brittany sat on the edge of the bed, rubbing lotion on her freshly shaven legs and bare feet, when the bathroom door opened and out stepped Santana.
"Ok, I'm ready," the dark-haired beauty announced, holding her hands out to the sides as she presented herself to her wife, "Am I dressed appropriately?"
Brittany scanned up and down Santana, from her casual, navy Capri pants with her navy and white striped top down to her stylish white sandals and her red-painted toenails, replying with a smile, "Perfect!"
"So when do I get to know where we're going?" Santana asked as she moved toward the bed and put her arms around Brittany, kissing the top of her blonde head.
Santana eyed Brittany's outfit for any clue, seeing that she had on comfortable, beige cargo pants with elastic around the knees and a plum-colored cotton t-shirt.
"And spoil the surprise?" Brittany laughed, standing up and kissing her wife on the lips. She then bent to the floor and picked up two cloth bags which Santana could see were full of things like a folded blanket, a water bottle, and some suntan lotion.
"Hmm…I think I have a guess," Santana offered as she took her wedding ring and sunglasses from her jewelry box on the top of their ornate clothes chest.
As Santana slipped the personalized band on her ring finger, twisting it twice out of habit, she followed behind Brittany while she circled through the kitchen to pull a large Ziplock bag from the vegetable drawer at the bottom of the refrigerator, stuffing it into one of the cloth bags.
"You do, huh?" Brittany played along, "Ok…where?"
"Central Park for a picnic?" Santana stated almost triumphantly.
"Nope," Brittany teased, turning to pick up her keys and sunglasses off the kitchen table, giving Santana another quick peck on the lips, "Totally wrong direction."
"Hmmm…," Santana's eyes narrowed, struggling with reading her wife's vague clues.
"Come on, my confused honey bunny," Brittany told her with a wink as she opened the apartment door and stepped into the hallway.
Santana tried to grab one of the bags from Brittany as they started down the staircase, but the blonde snatched her hand away, exclaiming, "Nice try…I've got it though."
"You're enjoying this little secret of yours, aren't you?" Santana accused with amusement as they stepped to the landing of the fifth floor just as the door to #5C opened, and Grayson Knox stepped into the hall with Rachel Berry.
The girls paused, looking at each other with great delight then staring over at Rachel and Grayson who were lost in a passionate kiss.
After the kiss lasted a bit longer than was pleasant for Santana and Brittany, the Latina cleared her throat to indicate their presence.
Grayson broke the kiss and looked up to see his neighbors smiling back at him and his overnight guest.
Rachel turned around, her shoes in her hand and her long, dark hair pulled into a loose ponytail, as a red blush spread across her cheeks.
"Hey, Sis," Santana smirked, enjoying the caught you moment with Rachel, "Were you coming up to say hi?"
"Umm…," Rachel Berry was unusually lost for comment, answering, "Yes?"
Santana and Brittany started laughing harder which made Grayson laugh too.
"I'm glad all of you find this so funny," Rachel retorted, pushing up the long sleeves of her cardigan before lifting one leg then the other to slip on her shoes.
"Ok well, you kids have fun…we're heading out for the day," Brittany told the new couple.
"Where are you going?" Grayson asked with curiosity, noticing the jubilant mood his good friends were displaying.
"Your guess is as good as mine!" Santana said loudly, starting down the stairs again after Brittany.
"Does it involve the baby?" Grayson hollered after them, putting his muscular arm around Rachel's petite frame, pulling her into him.
"Rachel!" Santana shouted up the stairwell, "You promised!"
"Sorry!" the tiny diva grimaced and nudged Grayson in the ribs with her elbow for revealing that she told.
"Congratulations, by the way!" Grayson yelled again, looking down, over the ornamental, wood railing at Santana and Brittany who paused and looked up at him, "We're so excited!"
"Thank you!" they replied with huge smiles.
"Love you guys," Rachel shouted down to them, "Have fun on your mystery date!"
"Love you too!" Santana yelled back at her sister, hearing one of their lower-floor neighbors shout at them to shut the hell up right as the front door to their building closed behind them.
She giggled as she and Brittany stepped off the front stoop and walked down the block until the brunette spotted a recognizable red and yellow taxi cab that had Caliente Cab Co painted along its side.
"What the hell is going on?" Santana stopped in her tracks when she saw Frap leaned against the refurbished 1950 Studebaker, holding out a set of car keys that dangled from a rainbow-striped rabbit's foot.
"It's all gassed up and ready to roll, my dear," the eccentric restaurant owner told Brittany as she accepted the keys from him.
"Thanks, Frap!" the blonde dancer stretched up to kiss the taller man on the cheek, "I owe you…big!"
"Just bring it back with a full tank and no dents, k?" he groused in his typical, lovable style.
"This is getting strange, Brittany Susan Pierce," Santana pointed out lightheartedly.
"I know! This is so much fun, isn't it?" Brittany finished setting the bags into the backseat of the cab then opened the front passenger door for her wife, slapping playfully at the brunette's firmly-rounded backside, "Get in!"
Santana shook her head and got into the car as Brittany shut the door behind her then circled the front of the Studebaker to get into its driver's side, "Thanks again, Frap…see you this evening!"
The white-haired man waived then started walking back up the side street toward Bleeker.
"Ok…buckle up," Brittany instructed happily, sticking the key into the ignition and starting the taxi's engine.
Santana shook her head in amazement, pulling her seatbelt from the side and locking it across her torso, "Do you even remember how to drive?"
Brittany buckled her seatbelt and put her hands on the oversized steering wheel of the historic taxi cab, trying to remember how many years it had been since she'd actually driven a car.
Even when the couple had flown back home for visits or out of town on vacation, Santana was always the one to drive their rental cars. Brittany chuckled and shrugged, exposing, "I guess we'll find out!"
"Oh geez," Santana mumbled as Brittany turned the wheel to pull away from the curb, looking back over her left shoulder to see a car passing, pointing out quickly, "Car!"
"Oops, sorry," Brittany said after stepping hard on the break.
"A blinker is probably a good idea, babe," Santana swallowed hard, shaking her head, realizing this was payback for all those times she'd driven like a bat out of hell.
Brittany flipped the handle on the blinker, smiling as it started clicking inside the otherwise silent interior, "Okay…ready or not…here we go!"
The girls made their way on the one-way side streets of the West Village until they were on a main street where the mid-morning traffic was relatively light and flowing smoothly through most of the intersections. Santana knew enough of their surroundings to realize that Brittany was driving them toward Long Island, and she watched her wife periodically check the driving directions on her phone as they escaped the concrete jungle of lower Manhattan.
After a couple of hours in the car, traveling the Long Island Expressway, Brittany looked at her mapping system on her phone, following the blue line toward the preset destination. She made the appropriate exit off the highway and followed the route through town until they reached a parking lot.
Once she parked the colorful, old car, Brittany turned off the ignition and looked over at Santana with a huge grin, "We made it!"
Santana swallowed, not revealing to Brittany that she'd totally been white-knuckling the handle on her passenger door most of the trip, "Yay!"
The Latina watched her wife jump out and pull the sacks from the back seat with great enthusiasm, joining her by the time Santana stepped out onto the pavement.
Brittany took Santana by the hand and drew her toward a brown fence at the top of a small hill, telling her, "Come on, hon!"
The couple walked up some weathered stairs, and Santana breathed in fresh salt air as they reached the top, smiling widely when she confirmed visually they were at the beach. "Britt…," Santana said softly as she turned to look at her love, "You went to this much trouble for me?"
"Of course!" the blonde confirmed, "Do you like your surprise?"
"It's wonderful," Santana assured her, snaking her arms around the blonde's waist, pulling her into an embrace, "Just like you."
The look on her wife's face was worth all the effort Brittany put into arranging this day-trip, knowing they both needed a change of pace desperately. "Let's go find a spot on the beach."
The girls walked down toward the shore where they spread out the blanket and took off their shoes so they could relax in the sun.
Santana and Brittany both loved being at the beach, especially since they grew up in the Mid-West, far from any ocean. The childhood sweethearts loved the sand and sun so much that they had their wedding on a beach, exchanging their vows to each other as the sun set. Santana's favorite memory of her wedding to Brittany was watching the orange glow across the horizon and how the dimming light made Brittany's blue eyes sparkle. Even now, the thought of that moment with the love of her life, brought warm tears to Santana's eyes.
The Latina looked up into the clear blue, afternoon sky as she lay with her head in Brittany's lap, enjoying the sight of the seagulls overhead. "Thank you again for this, Britt…."
Brittany ran her long, thin fingers through the dark locks of Santana's thick hair as she looked down at her wife, telling her, "I just wanted to celebrate you for reaching twelve weeks."
"The longest twelve weeks of my life," Santana grimaced, the memories of all the nausea and other side-effects flooding her mind.
"I know it was hard…but you survived like a trouper!" Brittany encouraged.
"With lots of complaining?" Santana self-chided.
Brittany chuckled, agreeing, "Yeah…a tad bit of complaining."
Santana reached up with her arms and pulled Brittany down toward her for a kiss, "I couldn't have made it without you, babe."
"We're a team," Brittany assured the Latina, "We tackle everything together."
"Just remember you said that when the baby cries in the middle of the night," Santana joked.
"Promise," Brittany smiled, "Getting hungry? I brought snacks."
"Like what?" Santana asked with interest.
"Strawberries and red grapes…thoroughly washed for the little sprout," Brittany said as she put her hand over Santana's small bump in her lower abdomen.
"Little sprout?" Santana laughed, putting her hand over Brittany's, "Seems appropriate until the sprout has a name."
"Do you still want to find out if it's a he sprout or a she sprout in a few weeks?" the blonde asked.
"Definitely…and Britt…once we know, I want you to pick the name," Santana revealed.
"Me? Really?" Brittany was surprised that Santana would trust her with making that huge decision alone.
Santana sat up and crossed her legs, taking Brittany by the hand and pulling it to her mouth for a kiss, "My genes…your name…okay?"
Brittany felt overwhelmingly emotional suddenly, a tear escaping her eye and rolling down her cheek. She looked down at the blanket and sniffed before saying, "Yeah, okay."
"Hey…look at me," Santana lifted her wife's chin with her index finger, "I love you more than I could ever tell you in this lifetime…in a hundred lifetimes…and I want you to feel like your spirit is as much a part of this child as mine is."
Brittany's voice caught in her throat as she tried to speak. She wiped at the tears that fell freely down her freckled face and leaned into Santana, nuzzling her face in the crook of the Latina's neck. She took a second to breathe in Santana's familiar scent and the citrus smell of her dark hair.
Brittany swallowed and finally responded, "I wish everyone in the world could feel as loved as I feel right now."
Author's Note: Thank you again for a lot of feedback on the topic of Karofsky. I find it interesting that so many of you fall on the side of Brittany…where you aren't sure he could ever truly change or that he deserves a chance to move past what he did to Santana. I may need to explore that further to see if any of us could alter our view to see him as someone who ultimately took responsibility and served his sentence and deserves a happy life now. Maybe? Hmm, the jury is still out.
If you connected to this chapter or have anything in general to say about this story, please leave me a comment in a review so I can know your thoughts! Thanks, Kim