Keep Me Where the Light Is (part 22)
Right from the start
You were a thief, you stole my heart
And I, your willing victim
I let you see the parts of me
That weren't all that pretty,
And with every touch, you fixed them
Now you've been talking in your sleep,
Things you never say to me,
Tell me that you've had enough
Of our love, our love…Just give me a reason,
Just a little bit's enough,
Just a second we're not broken, just bent
And we can learn to love again.
It's in the stars,
It's been written in the scars on our hearts,
We're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again…
I'm sorry I don't understand where all of this is coming from,
I thought that we were fine,
Oh we had everything.
Your head is running wild again,
My dear we still have everything,
And it's all in your mind
(Yeah, but this is happening)
You've been having real bad dreams,
Oh oh
You used to lie so close to me,
Oh oh
There's nothing more than empty sheets,
Between our love, our love, oh our love, our love…
Just give me a reason
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent,
And we can learn to love again
It's in the stars
It's been written in the scars on our hearts
We're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again…I never stopped,
You're still written in the scars on my heart
You're not broken just bent and we can learn to love again…Oh tears ducts and rust
I'll fix it for us
We're collecting dust but our love's enough
You're holding it in
You're pouring a drink
No nothing is as bad as it seems
We'll come clean…Just give me a reason
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
It's in the stars
It's been written in the scars on our hearts
We're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again….
(Just Give Me A Reason ~ P!nk with Nate Ruess)
Saturday, November 12, 2022
10: 28 am
"Come on, Quinn," Santana voiced loudly with a heavy sigh. She rolled her dark brown eyes as she sat down dramatically on a nearby plush sofa, "I could've already hand beaded a dress by now."
Rachel Berry blithely slapped at Santana's shoulder, giving her the shut up look. "Take your time Quinn…this is all about you."
"If she takes any longer, she's going to have that baby in the dressing room," Santana lamented.
Rachel closed the bridal magazine in her hands and leaned toward her sister to whisper, "She gets to do this once in her lifetime…now shush!"
A few minutes later, an older woman stepped from behind a closed curtain. She turned toward the seated brunettes and gave them a pleasant smile, informing them, "I think we found the one."
"Okay…are you girls ready?" Quinn asked coyly from the other side of the curtain.
We've been ready, Santana started to say, but instead, she plastered a smile on her face and nodded as Rachel answered, "Yes, of course! Come on out!"
As soon as the curtain opened and Quinn stepped out into the bright lights of the boutique, time stood still for all of them. The dress Quinn chose was a light smoky grey, with a modest but dazzlingly beaded top. It had a high neck line and capped sleeves, and the bottom was made of long, flowing chiffon that perfectly accentuated Quinn's growing baby bump.
"Oh wow, Quinn…," Santana was finally at a loss for words.
Rachel wiped a tear from her eye and clasped her hands, "You look amazing!"
"Not like a dressed up whale?" Quinn turned to look at herself in the circle of full length mirrors.
"You look like a beautiful, sparkling princess," Rachel assured the mother-to-be.
"Really?" Quinn asked self-consciously.
"Really," Santana confirmed, "You are breathtaking, Quinn. Cate will love it."
A huge smile spread across Quinn's face as she turned toward the older woman, "This is definitely the one then."
"Perfect. We'll get your measurements," the woman replied cheerfully, "Once the finished gown arrives, we can make the necessary adjustments for you before your wedding."
Quinn put her hands on her stomach, saying, "I'm glad there's growing room."
Rachel sat again and pulled out her iPad, scrolling through her notes, "Okay, venue…check. Lighting…check. Wedding gown…check." The petite starlet put a check mark on her list next to the item, adding, "So now we just need to finalize your colors, and we can meet with the florist and pick out our bridesmaids dresses."
"What color were you thinking?" Santana asked.
"I'm still trying to decide," Quinn told them, "I want a winter color."
"Well, red is festive…Black is classic," Santana answered, adding with a flip of her long hair, "And I look great in both of those!"
Quinn giggled, "I'll keep that in mind."
"Green would match your eyes, Quinn," Rachel suggested with a sweet smile.
"Those are all great suggestions," the blonde told them then paused contemplatively, "But, I'm thinking of something with special meaning to surprise Cate."
"Do we get to know?" Santana furrowed her brow, "Or is it a surprise for all of us?"
"Maybe," Quinn winked, "Now let me get out of this so we can go eat."
She went back to the dressing room with the older woman.
"I'm getting so excited!" Rachel was beside herself with enthusiasm in assisting Quinn with arrangements for the wedding. She continued to look at the wedding notes she and Brittany made with Quinn the week before, "If Brittany can book the band Quinn wants for the reception, we are in good shape."
Rachel realized she was thinking out loud and looked up at Santana.
"You don't have to look at me like that every time her name is mentioned," Santana said, turning to inspect a display of wedding accessories.
"I wasn't looking any certain way," Rachel fibbed, putting away her iPad and restacking the bridal magazines on the small side table.
"Yes you were," the Latina pressed, "but it's fine…I'm fine. Besides, I talked to Brittany last night."
Rachel stood, her face showing complete surprise. "What?"
Santana smiled sheepishly, "She called me. We talked."
"And you are just now telling me this?"
"Telling what?" Quinn asked, stepping back out into the main area of the boutique. "I want to know too."
"Brittany called her last night," the shorter brunette revealed, moving closer to the other girls.
"How did it go?" Quinn asked, sounding just as surprised as Rachel.
"Awkward at first," Santana was honest, "then, I don't know, it was good. She hinted she might be there Monday."
"At dinner?" Quinn clarified.
Santana nodded and grinned.
"That's wonderful!" Rachel said, enveloping her sister in a tight hug.
Quinn put her arms around them both from the side, "This has been the best day. I'm so glad you girls could be here with me."
Rachel broke the hug and pushed them toward the door. "Now let's go eat…I've got a matinee to get to!"
12:10 pm
"Glasses up, ladies," Quinn instructed, raising her virgin Bloody Mary in the air.
Rachel did the same with her champagne flute of mimosa then giggled as she waited for Santana to join in.
"Get 'em up," Quinn pushed playfully, "A toast to my dearest friends."
Santana smiled and added her glass of sparkling water.
"The planning of this wedding is fast and furious, but I would not want to do it with anyone other than you girls."
Both brunettes were genuinely touched by Quinn's sentiment.
The blonde clanked her glass against theirs. "So here's to my lovely maid of honor," she said to Rachel then winked at Santana, continuing her toast, "And to the most voluptuous best man ever."
"Oh funny…," Santana nodded in appreciation of Quinn's humor.
Rachel laughed and finished the last of her drink.
"Now, you're sure you are okay with being on Cate's side of the ceremony?" Quinn verified with her best friend.
"Yes, of course," Santana assured her, "I am honored she asked me."
"Well, don't worry, Santana…you get to be my matron of honor," Rachel disclosed to them.
Quinn pointed out excitedly, "That's right, Rachel's next!"
"Not yet! I have a very specific order in my mind," Rachel reminded.
The pregnant beauty leaned back in her chair, reflecting aloud, "Ahhh yes, the Rachel Berry bucket list of success…NYADA then staring in her first Broadway show by age twenty five…."
Rachel interrupted, "Which…technically I accomplished even though that show was a flop."
They all grimaced in laughter, recalling that short-lived musical.
Santana sat up in her seat, "Yes, I remember this well. Her first Tony by thirty…."
She pointed a long, thin finger at Rachel who finished reciting her list, "…then happily married by thirty two." She grinned, stating proudly, "So see, I still have four whole years before I walk down the aisle!"
"But...," Santana interjected, "I think I know who will be waiting at the other end of that aisle."
Rachel blushed as she smiled, "I think I do too."
Quinn rubbed her belly, asking pleasantly, "Ok, who's going to share dessert with me?"
Santana wiped at the corners of her mouth with a white cloth napkin, laying it to the side of her mostly empty plate, "No way, Q…I'm stuffed."
"Rach?"
The young starlet finished the bite she was chewing. "Nooooo, not today. I need to sing in a couple of hours." She took a sip of ice water and pushed back her salad bowl.
A waiter appeared, reaching in front of each of them to clear their plates. "Can I bring you ladies anything else today?"
"I guess not," Quinn answered with a playful frown.
The cellphone in Santana's purse rang so she reached in to see who was calling. "Oh, this is my agent, let me take this," she told them then spoke directly into the phone, "Finally!"
"Hey, Santana," Adrian Locke replied casually.
"I've been waiting two days for you to call me…did I get the call back?"
"I'm sorry," he stated, "You weren't chosen. But listen, I heard about another open call for next week. I'll text you the address ok?"
Santana closed her eyes and took a steadying breath. She really wanted that call back, not so much for the part but just to validate her efforts, to confirm that she still had what it took to move forward in this town.
"Santana?" Adrian verbally nudged.
Santana opened her eyes, seeing both Rachel and Quinn watching her reaction to the phone conversation. "Yeah, that's fine…just send me the details," she answered tentatively then hung up and laid the phone on the table.
Rachel could tell Santana was upset. She put her hand over her sister's hand and asked, "What's wrong?"
"I didn't get the call back," Santana revealed with a shrug, putting on a nonchalant tone, "No big deal."
"I'm sorry," Rachel grimaced. She understood the feeling of rejection in this business, especially in New York.
"There will be other auditions," Santana tried to sound upbeat, pausing before she added regretfully, "I'm just afraid I'll lose my chance with Brittany if I can't get my shit together."
Rachel and Quinn looked at each other, both wanting to help.
"What about the photographer you mentioned earlier?" Quinn suggested.
"Yes! Call him," Rachel agreed enthusiastically.
"You think I should?" the Latina was still uncertain.
"Call now," Quinn insisted, pushing Santana's phone closer to her, "What do you have to lose?"
Santana dug in her handbag until she found the black business card. She hesitated but ultimately picked up the phone and dialed the number on the card.
There were several rings, and Santana almost hung up but then a voice answered, "Hello?"
"Miller?"
"Yes, who is calling?"
"I met you the other day at MOJO's…."
"Ah, Santana?" Miller asked with immediate recognition.
"You remember," Santana smiled with relief.
"I never forget such a beautiful face," Miller told her.
Santana ran her hand through her dark hair, unsure what to say next.
"Relax, Santana…I can nearly hear you blushing through the phone," he joked, trying to ease the tension, "I wasn't sure I'd hear from you."
Santana looked up at Quinn and Rachel for reassurance. Both silently nodded their encouragement.
The Latina took a deep breath then said, "Well, you're in luck…I happen to be available if you still need someone."
"Definitely…I'd love to include you in my work. Can you come by my studio next week?"
"Yeah, I can do that. Does Tuesday work for you?" Santana offered.
"Tuesday is great. Let's say around…two o'clock?"
"I'll see you then," she agreed, "Thank you, Miller."
"No, thank you. See you Tuesday," he told her before hanging up.
Santana felt satisfaction. She smiled at her friends.
"Yay!" Rachel beamed, thrilled to see Santana's life back on track.
Monday, November 14, 2022
7:22 pm
Grayson Knox opened the front door of Rachel Berry's apartment. He was carrying a pink cake box which he gingerly balanced in his hands while he pushed the door shut with his foot.
Placing a set of keys in a polished silver bowl on the ornate entry table, he called out, "Rachel."
There was no answer.
"Honey?" he called again, "I got the cake. Where do you want me to put it?"
There was still no answer.
Grayson made his way down the short hallway toward the kitchen, rounding the corner. "Rach?"
Inside the small but renovated space, he found Rachel crying. She was sitting in the floor next to a metal roasting sheet and a dozen or more tiny potatoes.
"Rachel?"
She burst into more tears but still said nothing.
Grayson set the cake on the counter and kneeled beside the crumpled Broadway star. "Oh honey, what happened?"
Through her sob, she managed to tell him the obvious, "I dropped the potatoes."
"I can see that," he consoled her, trying to hide his grin.
"The pan slipped when I was taking them out," she recounted.
"That's ok…the rest of us can make do with the roast. Let me make a quick salad."
"The roast is ruined too," the petite brunette revealed then cried more while explaining, "I feel so bad, because you spent all day making it." She continued in a blubbering ramble, "I thought I turned the top oven on for the potatoes, but I accidentally turned the bottom oven back on and it burnt." She paused then wailed, "It looks like an old, black shoe."
"It was an accident, honey," he emphasized, "It could've happened to anyone."
"But it didn't…it happened to me," she told him, "and I wanted everything to be perfect for Santana's birthday. And I wanted my friends to think I could cook, but now they'll just laugh because they all know I can't."
"Oh sweetheart, come here," Grayson pulled her into his chest and hugged her, telling her calmly, "I'll tell them I burnt the roast, and we'll tell them you made the green beans. Which they will believe, since you are our lovely vegetarian."
"We can't even do that," Rachel pulled back and wiped at her very wet, red eyes.
"Why not?"
"I forgot to buy them," she confessed, whimpering.
Grayson snickered under his breath, telling her, "It happens. You are very busy these days, Rach."
He could hear her sniffing so he handed her a clean tissue from a box on the shelf above them then he hugged her again before asking curiously, "Do you have anything in the fridge we could make quickly?"
She wiped at her tears and blew her nose, "I don't think so. There's maybe grapes and some leftover saag paneer."
Grayson helped her stand before opening the refrigerator door. He stood looking, "Well, you remembered to chill the wine…and there's some brie."
He turned and looked at her. Her mascara was smeared, and her eyes were puffy. "Hey listen," he started, looking at a nearby clock, "Everyone will be here in about thirty minutes. You go catch your breath and finish getting ready while I clean up and call in a favor from an old friend, ok?"
She nodded, still sad at the mess she made of the dinner party.
He pulled up on her chin and asked, "Do you know how adorable you are right now?"
That got a small chuckle. "Yeah, right."
"Seriously…I could not love you any more than I do right now."
"Promise?" she probed.
"Pinky promise," he winked then kissed her softly on the lips, "Now leave everything to me."
8:08 PM
The doorbell rang, and Rachel opened it immediately.
"Hellooooo," Kurt and Blaine said simultaneously, each presenting their hostess with a bottle of wine.
"One red," Kurt stated.
"One white," Blaine joined.
Kurt gave his high-pitched giggle. "The best of both worlds," he claimed as he walked through the doorway and hugged Rachel.
"Just like us," Blaine added with a giant grin, also hugging Rachel.
"I'm so glad you made it!" she told the boys. The pep was back in her demeanor even though she had no idea what Grayson planned to do for dinner.
The threesome walked toward the living room which was recently decorated by a well-known interior designer who was thrilled to have been contacted by the production staff of Funny Girl. They paid to have Rachel's entire apartment completely redesigned for an upcoming photo layout, promoting the show in its bid for Tony recognition.
"Rachel, the finished space is amazing," Kurt told her as they entered the vintage-chic living area. It was mostly hues of grey and silver and white with accents of Tiffany blue.
Rachel twirled dramatically, "I love it! It's so beautiful and serene."
"Want a drink, guys?" Grayson was mixing himself one at the mirrored-glass side bar. He gave the cocktail shaker a firm shake then poured the clear liquid into a martini glass. Once he garnishing it with two green olives on an ornate pick, he lifted the glass to offer it up, confirming with a wink, "Shaken…not stirred."
"I'll have one," Blaine took the offered glass, taking a sip, "Mmmm, perfect."
"Rachel, if you'll get me a couple of bottles of wine, I'll go ahead and open them," Grayson said.
"Be right back," she smiled at the group of men.
The doorbell rang again.
Rachel called from the kitchen, "Kurt, would you get the door?"
"Certainement," he said casually with a French accent, heading toward the door.
He reached for the knob just as the door opened and Santana walked inside.
"Satan!" he greeted her mischievously, kissing her cheek.
"Good thing that never gets old, Lady Hummel," she teased.
"And neither does that," he retorted with a forced smile, "Come check out the new living room décor!"
"I saw it the other day," she took off her jacket as they walked, "Isn't it divine? And absolutely, 100 percent free…I can't believe they paid for it."
"Believe it, sister!" Rachel said, walking up behind them. She paused to give Santana a kiss, "Hello. Give me a sec, and I'll put your coat in the bedroom."
"I can take it, Rach…finish what you're doing."
Santana walked to the back of the apartment where she knew Rachel's room was and draped her jacket across one of the two sitting chairs. She admired the new design a moment then she heard the doorbell. Her heart fluttered, hoping it was Brittany.
As she made her way back down the hallway, she heard Quinn's voice.
"This is really stunning …I love that color," Quinn said as Santana re-entered the living room.
"Tiffany blue," Rachel beamed.
"That was my suggestion," Kurt beamed too, taking a sip of wine.
"Hey, Happy Birthday," Cate exclaimed spiritedly when she saw Santana.
The Latina smiled broadly, "Thank you." She always loved being the center of attention.
"So what's for dinner?" Blaine asked.
"I'm starving," Santana could feel her stomach rumbling, partly from hunger and partly from nerves of possibly seeing Brittany.
"Uhh, good question…Grayson?" Rachel grimaced, "Did we have an ETA on dinner?"
"Any time now, guys…hang in there!" he told them cryptically, "We had a slight setback earlier in the evening, but we'll be back on track shortly."
Santana stepped into the kitchen to get some water. Seeing the pink cake box, she lifted the lid and grinned. Her birthday cake looked delicious, and she touched the tip of her finger in the bottom part of the icing to taste it.
"Hey, birthday girl," a familiar voice said from behind her.
She turned quickly to find Brittany standing there, smiling at her.
"You came!" Santana sounded relieved.
Brittany giggled, "I caught you, didn't I?"
"Caught me what?" Santana feigned innocence.
"You were sneaking a bite of icing…just like you do every year."
"Me? Never," Santana fibbed.
Brittany stepped closer to her wife and wiped the tiny bit of chocolate icing from her chin, chuckling, "It'll be our secret."
"Brittany!" Rachel unintentionally interrupted the couple. She set an empty wine bottle on the back part of the counter and hugged the tall blonde with both arms. "I'm so glad you joined us."
Brittany looked over at Santana again and smiled, replying, "Me too."
"Food's here!" Grayson announced as two dark-haired men entered the cramped kitchen behind him.
The name of the restaurant on the catering bags said Ethos Greek Tavern.
"It smells incredible," Santana commented, stepping out of the kitchen to make room for set up.
"You ordered Greek?" Rachel said with slight confusion.
Grayson nodded at his sometimes uptight girlfriend, asking rhetorically, "Who doesn't enjoy Greek?"
"Greek?" Cate stuck her head into the kitchen, "I love Greek!"
"See?" Grayson kissed a stone-faced Rachel Berry on the mouth, adding festively, "Opa!"
"Grayson Knox," Rachel warned sternly, "Don't you dare start throwing my good china against the wall!"
He laughed and gently guided her out into the living room with her guests.
Once the setup was complete, Grayson walked the men back to the front door, giving them a handful of cash. "Tell Costas thank you…I owe him big time!"
"Thank you," the taller of the two men responded, "Enjoy."
Grayson shut the door behind them, turning and saying, "Let's eat!"
9:54 pm
The conversation at the round dinner table was starting to die down. The clank of glasses and plates being stacked together could be heard as Rachel brought another chilled bottle of wine from the kitchen.
"Will you open this?" she asked Grayson, squeezing his shoulder lovingly.
"Of course," he responded gladly.
"This orzo salad is delicious," Quinn stated, taking another bite.
"You said this place is in Midtown?" Blaine inquired.
"Yep, east…between 50th and 51st," he told them, "I've eaten there for years, best hummus I've ever had."
Rachel patted him on the back and proclaimed, "It was all a wonderful surprise."
"Ok, dim the lights," Kurt called out, "Drumroll please."
Cate flipped off the light switch behind her as the others lightly drummed on the table.
Brittany appeared with the tall chocolate cake which was now lit with multiple, colorful candles, and they all joined in a chorus of Happy Birthday.
Santana was seated and pushed aside her empty plate to make room for Brittany to set the cake in front of her.
As the singing finished, the group applauded.
Santana paused several seconds then inhaled a big breath. Right before she blew out her candles, Santana felt Brittany's hand pull her long, dark hair back as she leaned forward. The contact sent a tingle down Santana's spine, and she looked up at her wife.
Brittany gave her a sweet smile and reminded, "Don't forget to make a wish."
Santana knew exactly what her wish was then she blew out all her candles with one breath.
Cate turned back on the lights, and Kurt handed the Latina a giant knife to cut the cake.
Santana cut several slices, laying them on small dessert plates which they passed around the table until everyone had a piece.
"Oh my god, this is so decadent," Kurt said dramatically.
"I'm going to wrap up the rest of mine to take home, Rach," Quinn explained, "If I feed this kid too much sugar, we'll both be up all night."
"No problem, let me get some clear wrap," Rachel responded, returning to the nearby kitchen.
"Thank you all for helping me celebrate," Santana told the group, looking over at Brittany as she added, "It's been a rough year…but things are definitely looking up now."
They all smiled at the two of them, and repeated, "Happy Birthday, Santana."
Once the cake was eaten, they all took dirty dishes to the kitchen to clear the table.
Quinn and Cate hugged everyone and left, and the guys congregated around the sink to assist Rachel and Grayson with clean up.
Santana went down the hall to get her jacket, stopping first by the restroom. She washed her hands then opened the door, surprised to find Brittany waiting.
"Oh…hello," Santana greeted her.
"Hello again," Brittany joked. She lingered, asking, "Did you enjoy your party?"
"I did," Santana confirmed, "Thank you so much for coming tonight."
"I'm glad I came. It felt really good to see you, Santana."
"It felt really good to see you too," Santana stepped out of the doorway and closer to her wife, "It was the best part of my evening."
There was a slightly awkward pause between them. As the girls stood face to face, the voices of the others could be heard, followed by laughter that traveled from the kitchen.
Santana inched closer and asked timidly, "Can I give you a hug?"
Brittany let out a nervous snicker, "Of course you can."
They each put their arms around the other, gently at first, but then they both felt the other one tighten her hold.
Santana leaned into Brittany, instinctively smelling her long blonde hair. Just as she remembered, it smelled like a mixture of citrus and sunshine, and suddenly, Santana was home again in her wife's arms.
Brittany was unsure how long they held each other. It could have been five minutes or it could have been five seconds, but ultimately, she pulled away.
She took an extra couple of seconds to look into Santana's dark eyes then she tucked a wayward strand of dark hair behind her wife's ear.
Smiling, Brittany repeated, "Happy Birthday, hon."
"Thank you," Santana said with a heavy intake of air. She stepped around Brittany, saying, "I know you still need in the bathroom. I was just going to get my coat."
She walked toward Rachel's bedroom. Once inside, she had to collect herself. Did that just happen? Ok, yes. That happened. Santana's entire body shivered with emotion.
She took a deep breath then another. She swallowed to force moisture back into her mouth and reached for her coat. Before she could pick it up, she felt the motion of being turned around.
The next thing she comprehended was Brittany standing in front of her again, pushing against her body until her back was touching the bedroom wall, then kissing her hard against her mouth.
The kiss lasted several seconds. It was tender but determined; it was not guarded at all. Once the kiss broke, Santana stood motionless, her brown eyes fixed on Brittany's bright blue ones. She could not believe this was actually happening. Inwardly, Santana felt as taken aback as the first time she felt Brittany's lips on hers, back when they were teenage girls.
As giddy as Santana felt, she found the focus enough to put her hands around her wife's neck and pull her into another kiss…a longer one and then a more passionate one. The two of them kissed for several minutes, and their hands started to move up and down each other's bodies. Intense need soaked into their exchange, and they deepened their kiss even more.
Sounds around them dulled; time slowed. It was just Brittany and Santana, and if only for this moment, they were together again.
Author's note:
Thoughts? Comments? Please leave me a review to give me encouragement to write the next chapter.
I was thrilled that so many of you enthusiastically returned to this story with me. Thank you so much for continuing to read!