Chapter Fifteen
Quinn's next few days go slowly. Without her Deputy around, there really isn't much excitement to be found in anything. Now that exams are over, she has time to do other things.
But, most importantly, she has time to think.
For Quinn, being left alone with her thoughts hasn't always been a good thing. Just in the few days she's been without Rachel, she's managed to convince herself she doesn't deserve Rachel or what she represents.
She convinces herself that she can't have this happiness.
It's not hers.
Rachel and Quinn text endlessly, and then talk for hours in the evening. They don't talk about any of the things that Quinn is worrying about because it doesn't seem like a couple problem, and more of a Quinn problem.
In return, Rachel tells her all sorts of things about her day, about her family and all the wonderful thinks the baby is doing.
Quinn talks about the plans for the last few days of school. Kurt has taken the mantle as her second-in-command while Rachel is away, and they're managing to get things done without all the bickering.
Rachel exaggerates a gasp, which allows Quinn to shower her with compliments.
She's missed.
She's desperately missed.
And neither girl is afraid to say it.
"Is that Quinn?" Santana asks, frowning at the sight of a blonde head waiting with Kurt in the line for Bus Five.
Brittany follows her line of sight and squints into the sun. "I think it is, yes," she says.
"What is she doing in the line?"
Brittany shrugs, clearly not seeing the significance of this moment.
Quinn does not take the bus.
Ever.
It's not exactly something her parents… allow.
But, Santana knows that it's more than that. Quinn doesn't like the bus. In fact, she doesn't like any form of transport, and the fact that she's willingly getting onto the bus means something because, even when she went home with Rachel for Thanksgiving, Quinn organised a car to take them to the station.
So, what's so different now? Isn't she supposed to be going home? Wouldn't that require the car? Where is she going? Is she going home with Kurt?
That part makes sense, because Santana knows Quinn's parents probably aren't going to be spending much time with her over Winter Break anyway - or any at all. She finds that she's relieved that Quinn won't be spending Christmas alone.
But.
Quinn doesn't end up getting onto the bus.
Santana just turns in her seat and watches as her bus drives away, leaving Quinn standing there, watching them leave her behind.
Santana has to know.
She has to, which is why she takes out her phone and texts… Who is she supposed to text? It's not as if she can message Quinn. Maybe Kurt?
Rachel.
Santana pulls up her contact and starts to type, just knowing that Rachel will know. There's something of a… friendship between them, and it makes Santana slightly uncomfortable. She can't be sure why exactly, but she worries about them both, for different reasons.
For whatever reason, she just knows one of them - or both - is going to end up getting hurt.
Santana: Do you know if Quinn is going home for Winter Break?
Santana doesn't have to wait long for a reply, and she frowns at Rachel's obvious deflection.
Rachel: Um, I assume so. Are you on the bus yet?"
Santana: So, you don't know?
Santana: And, yes. My bus just left. B got on the right bus, and she should make it home all right.
Rachel: All I know is that Quinn will be in Hartford for her parents' annual New Years' Party. Oh, that's good. Are you excited to go home?
Santana: What aren't you telling me, Berry?
Rachel: Oh, Santana… SO MANY THINGS.
The second Rachel's eyes land on Quinn, she practically skips towards her. The blonde looks flushed, slightly traumatised and a little high from the trip, which makes Rachel's smile widen. Her girlfriend looks so stinking cute, and the way her face lights up when she spots Rachel steals the brunette's breath.
"God, I missed you so much," Rachel says when she's close enough, drawing Quinn into a tempered hug. "Like, so much."
Quinn hugs her close, breathing in the familiar scent and feeling the part of her that's been twisted into a knot for days finally loosen. "I missed you, too," she murmurs into Rachel's hair before she releases her.
As much as Rachel wants to take Quinn's hand, she doesn't. Instead, she robs Quinn of the handle of her small suitcase, and she gets them walking. "So, how was the trip?" she asks.
"I really don't want to talk about it," she immediately replies, the dismissal clear to hear in her tone. It was traumatic. "I'm more interested in you, though? How are you?"
"Better now," she says, somewhat shyly. "It's been a strange few days, but I think everything will be better when my dad comes home."
"Tomorrow, you said?"
"If all goes well, yeah," she says. "They're going to run a few last tests tomorrow morning, and then they'll discharge him in the afternoon if he does well."
"Is he doing well?"
Rachel's steps falter, and she brings them to a stop. "He's a stubborn man."
Quinn risks a step into her personal space, which offers them both a moment of comfort. "It's going to be okay," she says, and she's saying it for the both of them. "I promise it's going to be okay, Rachel."
"You can't make those kinds of promises," she says.
"Maybe I should kiss you instead."
Rachel's eyes flicker with the challenge, but she eventually smiles. "Do you want to get a coffee in that coffee shop before we go to the hospital?" she asks. "There's kind of something I need to talk to you about."
Quinn's brow creases. "Is it something bad?"
"I just want to clear up some things," she says. "About us, and about the way we're going to approach my… family."
"When you say your… family," Quinn says; "you really mean your Uncle Jared, don't you?"
"Things have been… tense," she says. "I think he would get too much satisfaction knowing that - " she stops, frowning.
"Russell Fabray's daughter is gay," Quinn finishes in a whisper.
Rachel sighs. "I'm sorry."
"Why are you sorry?"
"I don't know," she says. "I just am."
"I don't want you to be sorry," Quinn says. "I won't apologise for what we have here, and I don't want you to either, okay?"
"Okay."
Quinn clears her throat. "So, coffee?" Then: "Well, tea for me. Caffeine and my meds don't really mix that well."
Quinn senses the moment the air around Rachel changes. The brunette grows tense, and Quinn is forced to duck her head to catch her gaze. "Hey," she says softly. "Is everything okay?"
Rachel doesn't immediately respond.
"Rach," Quinn whispers, leaning in. "Did I say something?"
It's that question that brings Rachel back to the present. "No, Quinn, it's not you," she says, sighing. "I just - I forget that people know who I am in Wallingford."
Quinn frowns. "Okay...?"
"I don't usually spend any time in town," she confesses. "It gives people the opportunity to - " she stops, sighing.
"Rachel?"
"There's a man sitting at a table twenty-five feet away from us," she explains. "His name is Jackson Prescott, and he's my attacker's brother."
Quinn's face twists into a heavy scowl, her protective instincts rising to the surface. "Is he allowed to do that?" she asks through clenched teeth.
"He's always been careful to keep his distance," Rachel answers, sounding utterly defeated. "The restraining order can only do so much, and the police sort of grow tired of constant complaints about violations. Particularly when they're coming from me."
Quinn growls in annoyance. "Do you want to go, then?" she offers, not wanting her girlfriend to be uncomfortable. "We can go."
Rachel wants nothing more than to do just that, but then she would be allowing him to win, and she's not about to do that. "No, we can stay," she eventually says. "Just, you know, maybe shift your seat slightly. I don't want to be able to see him, and I definitely don't want him to be able to see either of us."
Quinn doesn't have to be told twice. She's been dying to get closer to Rachel since they arrived and she slides her chair as quietly as she can. "Better?" she asks once she's settled.
"Having you closer will always make things better," she replies, and Quinn blushes. Then: "I'm never going to be able to escape it, will I?"
"I guess it depends on what you define as escape," Quinn says thoughtfully. "In this place, for now, people will remember, yeah. But, one day, it will just be something of the past."
"Do you really believe that?"
"I do," she says. "News comes and goes, so it'll be old eventually. But, if you're wondering if you'll be able to escape it inside of you, then that's something else entirely."
"Inside of me," she echoes. "Do you think there's a part of me that's tried to push it aside, rather than dealing with it?"
"Only you can answer that," Quinn says, honest and true. "You know yourself better than anyone."
"I want to know what you think."
Quinn, admittedly, is wary. "I don't want to start a fight."
"You won't."
She shakes her head. "Look, I'm definitely not one to talk because I hide and bury things deep, deep, deep, but I do think there are still things you have to deal with. Leaving here and going to Dalton isn't going to magically fix everything. Believe me, I know. It's a constant work in progress, Rachel."
"Are you referring to the flashbacks?"
"Partly, yes," she admits. "I'm also thinking about the way you have yourself convinced I wouldn't want you in all the ways I've tried to assure you I do."
Rachel drops her gaze, absently trapping her bottom lip between her teeth. "Sometimes, I feel as if I'm untouchable," she confesses quietly. "Like, after knowing how dirty I am, nobody would want to touch me." She looks pleadingly at Quinn. "I don't even know if I even want to be touched."
Quinn stares at her for a moment, trying to formulate a response. "As your girlfriend, I'm not entirely sure there's a safe way to respond to that," she says, smiling gently. "I would want to, Rachel. I do want to, okay? You're going to set the pace. That's perfectly fine with me. I want you to feel safe and comfortable, with me and without me. I'm not going anywhere."
"Even if we never have sex?"
Quinn raises her eyebrows. "Is that your way of saying you'll never want to try?"
"I - I don't know," she answers, suddenly timid. "Definitely not any time soon."
"Then, okay," Quinn says. "I don't want to sound as if it would be only for my benefit but, even if we break up or whatever the future holds for you or me or us, I would still implore you to try, okay? All these things that scare you, your strength is found in facing them."
Rachel stares at her for a beat. "You know, life would be so much easier if both of us could just take our own advice."
Quinn laughs out loud, the sound almost melodic, and Rachel wants nothing more than to pull her close and kiss her senseless. But, they're in public, so she settles for patting her hand on the table, and then returning her attention to the hot chocolate in front of her.
Changing the subject, Rachel asks, "So, how does it feel having a fully functioning arm again?"
Quinn's grin is contagious. "It feels great," she says brightly. "I can't wait to get back to playing. I'm going to have to work on my fitness while I'm here. I think I'm losing definition in my abs."
Rachel rolls her eyes, because she sometimes forgets that Quinn can actually be such a jock. "And, I would expect nothing else."
Quinn cocks her head to the side. "Now that we're together, does that mean you're going to come watch me play?" she asks, genuine in her curiosity.
"If I can, I will," Rachel assures her. "I mean, we're always so busy but, if I'm free, I'll be cheering for you from the sidelines."
"You know, until Kurt, I never actually had anyone support me?"
She frowns. "Nobody?"
Quinn shakes her head. "My parents have never cared enough. I mean, I guess I've been in boarding school for so long, it shouldn't bother me, but sometimes it does."
"What about Sam? Santana?"
Quinn chuckles. "As a football player, Sam wouldn't be caught dead watching soccer, and Santana would much rather eat her own hair than sit for five seconds watching girls run around with a ball for ninety minutes."
"Why doesn't she play, anyway?"
"She prefers field hockey, I guess," she says. "She claims it's more of a contact sport. She gets to use a weapon."
"She's insane."
"But very good."
Rachel studies her face. "I'm guessing you've watched her play before?"
"I'm the Head Student," Quinn dismisses with a shrug. "I've seen everyone play."
"You can't hide from me, Fabray," she says, rolling her eyes. "You can pretend you don't care all you want, but I know. I see you."
Quinn's gaze meets her. "You do see me, don't you?"
"I kind of like what I see," she says.
"Only 'kind of?'"
Rachel desperately wants to kiss her, and her eyes drift down to perfect, pink lips.
It's enough for Quinn to suck in a sharp breath, and then lean back. "We should get out of here," she says.
"Yeah," Rachel agrees, quickly downing the rest of her drink.
Quinn just laughs at her antics as she too finishes with her tea, suddenly feeling both light and heavy at the same time. It's a feeling she experiences a lot whenever she's with Rachel, and she's not yet sure if she should be afraid of it or not. "Rachel," she says gently.
"Yes, Quinn."
"I'm so glad I'm here," she says.
"Me too," Rachel says, a slow smile spreading across her face. "God, you have no idea just how much."
"I'll get the car," Rachel says, bumping Quinn with her hip. "You just wait here and look pretty."
Quinn shakes her head in amusement, and just watches her go, a small smile playing on her lips. She has missed being with Rachel, and she would really love to be able to kiss her, but they have to wait.
She can't help wondering if it'll ever get better for them; if they'll ever be able to be free to just be together; if they'll ever get it right.
One day, she's sure.
In the future.
After.
Quinn is still lost in thought when she feels a tap on her shoulder, forcing her to turn and come face-to-face with the very man Rachel pointed out to her. She raises her eyebrows in surprise.
"What are you doing with the Berry girl?" he hisses at her, and she steps back in actual shock. The man, looking sinister, shakes his head in disgust. "Be careful," he practically purrs. "She's going to ruin your life, if you don't watch out."
Quinn is left dumbfounded as he spins and walks away. It happens so quickly that she's not even sure it did. She takes a deep breath to keep herself calm. She has the sudden urge to lash out at him, but she keeps control of herself.
It's not right, and it's not fair.
What is he doing trying to ruin Rachel's name in this stupid town?
She's just able to push it from her mind when Rachel pulls up, and they share a smile once Quinn climbs into the passenger's side after putting her suitcase in the trunk.
Rachel immediately takes hold of Quinn's hand and links their fingers, loving the warmth. "Did I mention that I missed you?"
"Once or twice," she says, ducking her head in embarrassment.
"Well, I did," she says. Then: "Are you ready to see my dad?"
Truthfully, no, Quinn isn't ready to see Hiram - not after the last conversation they had - but she still nods her head yes.
She'll always say yes when Rachel asks.
Hiram is asleep when Quinn and Rachel arrive at his hospital room. Quinn managed to change out of her school uniform in the bathroom, and she gets less looks as the two of them walk through the corridors.
They're… just friends here.
Everywhere.
It's something they decided over hot beverages. Even in Rachel's home, they will remain just friends when they're not alone. Her brothers won't know, and Rachel won't confirm or deny any claims made my Noah or Emily-Anne regarding what they think they know about her supposed feelings towards Quinn.
The same as with Brittany, she supposes.
Quinn and Rachel step into Hiram's room and sit comfortably in the two chairs beside his bed. In the safety of the room, Quinn rests her hand on Rachel's thigh, squeezing every few moments.
"I know we haven't had time to discuss it, but what are the plans for your birthday?"
Rachel looks momentarily surprised, as if she's managed to forget that she's turning eighteen on the eighteenth. "Oh."
Quinn cocks her head to the side. "Just so you know, I already bought your present, and I honestly can't wait to give it to you."
Rachel places her hand over Quinn's on her thigh, threading their fingers together. "I'm just glad I get to see you on my birthday."
Quinn glances at the slumbering Hiram. "Silver linings, huh?" she asks.
"We have to find them wherever we can."
Quinn nods her head, and then leans towards Rachel. "Tell me how you are," she whispers, risking pressing a kiss to Rachel's cheek. "I want the truth."
"I always give you the truth, Quinn."
Quinn kisses the corner of her mouth. "Tell me."
"I'm mad at him," she says. "I know, technically, I shouldn't be, but I'm just so mad at him." She sighs. "It's a lifetime of bad choices that have got us here, and he's treating it like it's a joke. Doesn't he understand how serious this is? If he doesn't get better and stay healthy, it's going to happen again and his heart is already weakened, and he won't survive it. He won't, and then what, Quinn? If he's not around, he won't get to see me graduate or sing on Broadway or get married or have babies." She's crying now, and Quinn wraps her in a hug, pressing kisses to her hairline in comfort.
Rachel sobs into Quinn's coat, inhaling the gentle scent of her girlfriend.
"I'm sorry," Quinn murmurs.
Despite herself, Rachel chuckles. "Was that too much truth?"
Quinn pulls back slightly, absently smoothing Rachel's hair. "You said babies," she says. "As in, more than one. Is that what you want?"
Rachel blinks in surprise. "Um, yes," she says, trying not to give too much thought to the fact that Quinn has chosen to latch onto that particular part of her honest ramble. "I spent a lot of years growing up as an only child, and I don't want that for my children." She audibly swallows, shifting out of Quinn's embrace and wiping at her eyes. "I want a big family."
Quinn shifts in her seat.
"Do you?" Rachel asks, suddenly nervous to hear what Quinn is going to say.
"I haven't really given it much thought," she admits. "I've been working at reaching one milestone after the other, you know," she says. "As far as my parents are concerned, I'll have two-point-five children by the time I'm thirty."
"So, you don't know what you want now?"
"I do," Quinn says, her tone serious. "I just want to be happy."
It's an hour later when Hiram finally wakes, his sheets rustling and drawing the girls' attention. Rachel immediately rises to her feet, moving into his line of sight with a forced smile on her face. Despite the joys of having Quinn here, she just can't forget that her father is in the hospital.
Still, it definitely helps.
Just Quinn's presence helps.
"Hi, Dad," Rachel murmurs, catching her father's attention and drawing a smile from him.
"Hi, Sweetheart," Hiram says, hoarsely, and Rachel immediately gets him a cup of water, her eyes never straying from his face.
"Look who's here," Rachel says as she hands him the cup.
Hiram's eyes wander, and he sees Quinn for the first time.
In truth, Quinn isn't sure what to expect from the man, given their last conversation where he assumed Quinn wouldn't be receptive to Rachel's declaration about her feelings. It's almost expected for things to be… tense, but Hiram smiles easily, and Quinn feels herself relax.
Slowly, she rises to her feet. "Hello, Sir," she says, which draws two separate Berry eye-rolls. "It's good to see you."
"It's good to see you, too," Hiram says, and he sounds sincere. "I hope we're not dragging you away from your holiday plans."
Exchanging a look with Rachel, she places a hand on Hiram's forearm and says, "There's nowhere else I'd rather be." She's never meant words as much as she means those, and she feels Rachel's hand slide along her back, which draws Hiram's attention.
Slowly, the man smiles. "So, you two, huh?" he asks, and Rachel blushes.
"Dad," she says, shaking her head. "We already discussed this."
"I know," he says with a chuckle. "I'm just so glad I get to see it." His eyes drift to Quinn. "You make her very happy, Quinn."
Rachel turns her body to look at Quinn fully. "Please ignore him."
Quinn just grins at her. "I make you happy, do I?"
Rachel pokes her in the ribs. "Stop it, you," she says. "Don't encourage him."
Quinn resists the urge to kiss her by looking at Hiram. "How are you feeling, Sir?"
Hiram casts a nervous glance Rachel's way, before his eyes resettle on Quinn. "I've been better," he confesses. "Right now, I'd just like to go home and sleep in my own bed. This one is deathly uncomfortable, and I miss my family."
Quinn nods in understanding. She's had her fair share of trips to the hospital, though only Mary and Tori know about some of those. "I hear we're busting you out of here tomorrow, though?"
Hiram chuckles heartily. "I'm not too sure about the whole 'busting' thing, but I'm definitely coming home," he says, before he looks at Rachel. "It's my understanding that LeRoy has done an overhaul of my menu?"
Rachel bristles slightly. "He has, yes," she says. "In fact, we've all decided to embark on this journey with you."
Hiram grumbles. "Why should we all be miserable?" he asks, and then looks at Quinn. "Do you want to be subjected to boiled food too, Quinn?"
Quinn, wisely, doesn't respond. She just places a hand on Rachel's hip and draws her into her side.
The movement prompts Rachel to reveal to her father that she and Quinn have decided it's best to keep their relationship on a need-to-know basis. With a lot of family expected to be around for the holidays, it's what makes the most sense. The chances of other people finding out are much too high when more and more people are in on the secret.
Also, Rachel is determined for her Uncle Jared never to find out. There's a hatred he carries for Russell Fabray, or just his particular brand of politics that sets Rachel on edge. She's determined to protect Quinn from it, because it's something, and she doesn't want her girlfriend to be subjected to it if she can help it.
"Are you sure?" Hiram asks them.
Rachel's fingers close around the fabric of Quinn's coat. "For right now, yes," she says. "We'll see how things go."
Quinn smiles in agreement, and Hiram just hopes that, one day soon, the two of them won't have to hide at all.
When Hiram sends them home, citing that LeRoy expects them on time for dinner, Rachel and Quinn leave, both of them feeling the effects of the long, emotional day. The fact that they've been apart for a few days definitely hasn't helped, and all Rachel wants to do is touch.
"Do you want to drive?" Rachel asks Quinn, an idea suddenly coming to her. "I mean, maybe it'll make the trip easier. You said it might be something about control, right? So, what if you had the control?"
Quinn casts a skeptical eye at her.
Rachel frowns slightly. "Baby, you do know how to drive, right?"
Quinn traps her bottom lip between her teeth as they come to a stop at the car. "I know how to drive," she says. "I just - well - "
"You don't have a license?" she questions, finishing it off for her.
"I don't have a license," she confirms. "The independence of women in my… social circle isn't really a priority. I don't even know if my mother has a license. For as long as I can remember, we've always been driven places."
Rachel merely nods, and then crosses to the driver's side. She unlocks the car and climbs in, silently waiting for Quinn to do the same on the passenger's side.
Earlier, Quinn's medication was enough to let her endure the car ride to the hospital, but now it's twenty miles to the estate, and Rachel is slightly worried. She doesn't want to be responsible for any of Quinn's distress.
It's one of the things Rachel has been dealing with: how not to overwhelm Quinn with the depth of her love. They've barely been dating a few weeks, and she still doesn't know Quinn's history with… relationships with girls.
Rachel knows this isn't purely a physical thing. Quinn is definitely in the wrong place for that. What they have is deeply emotional, two damaged people determined to hold onto each other.
Breathing a sigh, Rachel reaches for Quinn's hand and gives it a gentle squeeze. "Just focus on me," she says. "Just me. I'm right here."
Quinn's fingers squeeze hers right back, and then she lets go, allowing Rachel to drive with both hands. "I trust you," Quinn says after a moment. "It's just - " she stops.
Rachel glances at her as they leave the parking lot. "I know it's not about trust, Quinn."
"Then what is it about?" she asks, and she sounds genuinely curious.
"I don't know," Rachel admits. "All I do know is I'm right here, and we're going to work on you, and on me, together, all right?"
Quinn nods. "All right."
Quinn can't actually remember the last time she really looked forward to the holiday season. Winter Break was always just another expanse of time during which her parents would be distanced and removed, and she would pretend she didn't exist beyond the familial obligations of keeping up the appearance of a happy, yuppy family.
She's never actually been excited over presents or even wanted to stay up late in case she sees Santa Claus. In fact, she barely believed in him when she was younger. As much as Mary tried to preserve her childhood, there was only so much the woman could do to make a lonely, neglected child's days… better.
Quinn didn't… believe.
In the Easter Bunny or the Tooth Fairy or any of those other fantastical creatures that are supposed to bring magic to children's lives. Besides her voracious reading, Quinn liked to ask questions, and Mary vowed always to tell her the truth. It was all she could offer this beautiful, inquisitive child, who would forever carry the weight of a life she would come to believe she didn't save.
For Quinn, asking about her sister once she learned of her existence was a natural progression, and Mary was the one to tell her all she needed to know.
Somebody had to.
And then, just months later - after what she would come to refer to as the 'Summer From Hell' - Quinn was leaving for boarding school, purely lamenting her belief that she was never truly wanted. Just some baby that was supposed to save the child they did want, and ended up failing.
She failed, and now they all deserved to be miserable.
So, no, Quinn's holidays have always been particularly lacking, and Rachel almost starts crying when Quinn tells her all of that. There are no longer going to be secrets between them, and they are going to bear the burden with the other. They're definitely in it together now.
"You have a place with us, Quinn," Rachel says, as they're pulling up in front of the house. "Always."
Quinn glances at her. "Do you really mean that?"
"I know it must be difficult for you to accept my words, but I'm going to say them, anyway," she says. "No matter what happens between us, you will always have a place here, okay? My home is your home, and my family is your family. Believe me, there's plenty enough to share."
Quinn chuckles softly, and then sighs. "I've really missed you," she says.
Rachel's eyes linger on her face. "Let's hurry and get inside, so I can actually give you a kiss 'hello.'"
Quinn grins. "I think that's the smartest thing you've ever said."
Quinn barely has time to set her backpack down in Daniel's old bedroom before Rachel's hot mouth is claiming hers. There's a brief battle of lips, tongues and teeth before Quinn relents, and allows Rachel to press her up against the door. Her lips trail along Quinn's jaw, drawing a soft moan of pleasure from the blonde.
Rachel pulls back at the sound and grins at Quinn. "Welcome home, Fabray," she says silkily, and Quinn practically whimpers. They don't really have much time - LeRoy expressly said he wanted them back downstairs in exactly fifteen minutes - but Quinn is determined to make every second count.
As gently as she can, Quinn wraps her arms around the small of Rachel's back and lifts her up, forcing the brunette to hug her waist with her legs.
Without seeming too eager, Quinn crosses the room towards the bed, and gently lays Rachel down, climbing over her and settling her hips to align perfectly.
"Are you okay?" Quinn asks, her voice low.
Rachel runs both hands through Quinn's hair. "I'm perfect."
It's all the permission Quinn needs to fuse their mouths together, her tongue seeking entrance and establishing a dangerous tempo that has Rachel's nails digging into the small of Quinn's back. Rachel is the one who moves her hips first, grinding upwards, all thoughts abandoned in her search of any kind of relief.
To her credit, Quinn doesn't try to remove any clothing. Even her coat stays on, which is a good thing, too because, not even a few minutes later, LeRoy is yelling from downstairs, and the girls reluctantly pull apart.
"Later," Rachel promises, stealing one last kiss before disentangling their limbs. She feels sufficiently flustered, and she's hoping this evening goes quickly, so she and Quinn can get back to not talking.
One of LeRoy Holt's favourite things to do is feed his family. It wasn't something he especially did when he was younger. His wife was always the cook, and he worked too hard at the hospital to be of any use to her in the kitchen.
But then she passed away, and everything about his life changed. On Monday, he was an Emergency Room doctor with three wonderful sons and a beautiful wife, and on Tuesday, he was a widower with heartbroken children and the task of, somehow, surviving.
It wasn't easy.
At first, LeRoy attempted to do it all, but he was forced into leaving his post to be the father he needed to be. It was never a part of his dream to maintain the estate - his wife was the one who handled the business of the vineyard with his brother, Jared - but he took to it the way he did everything else.
Getting involved in the business is how he first met Hiram.
Everything happens for a reason, he believes.
Everything has its own time, and he's never been more sure of that when he sees Quinn Fabray roll the olives from her salad onto Rachel's plate. There's a certain easiness between them that LeRoy wasn't expecting to see.
From their Thanksgiving visit, it was obvious they were both rather guarded, hiding secrets and unwilling to share it all, but that seems to be gone now. It's almost as if they've both made this mutual, yet silent, decision to give everything of each other, wholeheartedly.
It's a beautiful thing. Scary and terrifying, of course, but still beautiful. They both still have so much to overcome, and he worries. How can he not worry?
This life they live; it's not for everyone.
And those people are much closer to home than he cares to acknowledge.
After dinner, Rachel settles on the couch in the living room with baby Lena in her arms and Quinn pressed against her side. It looks friendly enough, but Rachel just wants her girlfriend as close as possible. If she could help it, Quinn would never be more than a yard from her ever again. Always within touching distance.
Except, maybe, when either of them has to use the bathroom, she supposes.
"What are you thinking about?" Rachel asks, her eyes drifting from Lena's tiny face to Quinn's smiling one. Hazel eyes are shining with the kind of affection Rachel's never seen before, and it stills the breath in her airway.
"I'm thinking that the idea of you with a baby is… very appealing," Quinn whispers, practically right into Rachel's ear.
Rachel swallows audibly. "Oh, really?"
"It's ridiculously sexy, actually," Quinn says, and then frowns. "I don't know what that says about me. Does that mean I'm attracted to mothers?"
Rachel giggles. "I think it means you're attracted to me as a mother," she says.
"That makes more sense," Quinn agrees. "I'm definitely attracted to you."
Breathing a sigh, Rachel relaxes further into the couch, and into Quinn. "I'm so glad you're here," she says dreamily. "I would have hated to spend the entire Break without even getting to say goodbye to you, and now I actually get to see you on my birthday. I get to kiss you on my birthday."
"You get to kiss me whenever you want," Quinn says, her voice dipping in register, and Rachel does just that. Their mouths meet in a slow, languid kiss, and it's Lena's protests from being shifted that make them break apart, mutual laughs escaping from their lips.
It's just in time, too, because Daniel and Emily-Anne walk into the living room at that exact moment, and the laughter dies on Quinn's lips.
"What's so funny?" Daniel asks.
Rolling her eyes at Quinn's antics, Rachel is the one to respond. "Oh, just one of Lena's reactions," she says, which is partly true. It seems baby Lena has something to say about two girls kissing. Rachel makes a mental to keep an eye on that as she grows older.
Or, really, maybe Lena was trying to warn them that her parents were coming.
Emily-Anne plops herself down beside Rachel, just as the brunette blows a gentle raspberry against Lena's cheek. She laughs at her sister-in-law's antics, and then looks past her at Quinn, whose eyes are on Rachel. There's something heavy in her facial expression that both frightens and delights Emily-Anne.
She's not naive enough not to have noticed a certain shift in their relationship, but she's decided not to say anything. Rachel will tell her if she wants to and, until then, she'll try not to feel hurt that the trust she thought they shared couldn't extend to this.
"Quinn," Emily-Anne says, and her fellow blonde snaps to attention, offering her a sheepish smile. "It's good to have you back, you know?"
"For your sanity?" Quinn questions cheekily, and Rachel swats her leg playfully.
Emily-Anne smiles at Rachel. "Did I mention that I like your friend?" she says, and Rachel quirks an eyebrow.
"I like her too," the brunette eventually says, returning her attention to Lena.
Emily-Anne just smiles to herself, and then feels Quinn's eyes on her. For a moment, their eyes lock, and Emily-Anne can see every fear imaginable.
Oh.
It has nothing to do with trust between her and Rachel.
It's about Quinn.
Of course, it is.
Emily-Anne just smiles, trying to and hoping she can convey something.
If Quinn sees it, she doesn't show it. She does look away from Emily-Anne, her eyes on Rachel again. She can see this in her future. Rachel and… their baby.
Their baby.
For now, though, she's going to enjoy this moment. Sliding a hand over Rachel's on Lena's back, the brunette gives her a curious look.
"You and your cold hands," Quinn murmurs, and Rachel bursts out laughing.
The last thing LeRoy wants to do is have this conversation, but he feels it's necessary. It would be different if Quinn were a boy, of course. He doubts he would be this uncomfortable or nervous.
In fact, if Quinn were a boy, he would have been his usual intimidating-LeRoy. Oddly enough, he thinks it would have little effect on Quinn.
Definitely not like it did on Finn.
But, then again, they probably never would have allowed Finn to spend the night in their house. This is new territory for all of them.
Predictably, LeRoy doesn't find Rachel in her own bedroom when he knocks. Sighing at how predictable his daughter is, he goes to Daniel's old room, which has been dubbed Quinn's for the duration of her stay. He hovers for a moment before he lifts his hand to knock on the door.
"Come in," a voice calls from inside, and LeRoy opens the door, unprepared for what he finds. Quinn is sitting on the floor, crossed legs, with Rachel sitting on the bed behind her.
Rachel is… brushing Quinn's hair.
Okay…
"Hi, LeRoy," Quinn says, tilting her head slightly at the slight shock his face is sporting. "Everything okay?"
LeRoy stands awkwardly in the doorway for a moment as he attempts to school his features, and then enters the room and closes the door behind him. "Are you two all right?" he asks.
The girls exchange a look, and then they both nod. "We're good," Rachel says.
LeRoy shifts his weight from his left foot to his right. "Do you need anything?"
Another look is exchanged, and then Rachel sets the hairbrush down, giving LeRoy her full attention. "Lee," she says seriously. "Is there something you want to talk to us about?"
"Well, I mean, Hiram mentioned that you two are, umm - "
"Together," Rachel finishes for him. "Quinn is my girlfriend, yes."
At the sound of that, Quinn rests her head against the inside of Rachel's knee while Rachel threads her fingers through strands of blonde hair, and LeRoy feels as if he's witnessing something special; something of which he should take note.
LeRoy clears his throat. "Rachel, Sweetheart, is it your intention to sleep in here?" he asks. "With your girlfriend?"
Rachel's fingers fall still in Quinn's hair. "If you're worried that we're having sex, we're not," she says, and Quinn groans at the same time LeRoy's jaw drops. "We're just going to sleep, Lee. I promise."
LeRoy looks at Quinn, who's smiling at him. It's the sincerest, gentlest look he's ever seen on her face and, yes, everything about this moment is important. "Oh, okay," he says. "Just, you know, behave."
Quinn flushes at the sound of that, and Rachel just laughs.
"Goodnight, girls."
"Goodnight," they echo together, and he leaves a moment later, unsure how he feels about any of this.
As long as Rachel is happy, he reasons.
As long as they both are.
"I thought you said you were going to behave," Quinn pants as Rachel uses the skin of her abdomen to warm her cold hands.
"No, I didn't," Rachel murmurs, lips against the skin of Quinn's neck. "I didn't say anything, if you recall."
Quinn chuckles lowly, her own hands sliding under Rachel's t-shirt and caressing her back. "You're sneaky, aren't you?"
Rachel just hums, and then drags her lips back up to Quinn's mouth. They kiss for the longest time, Rachel's entire body draped over Quinn's. It's honestly the most comfortable position she's ever been in, and she spent hours resting on her father's chest when she was little.
Quinn brings her closer, sliding her hands downwards and cupping the curves of Rachel's ass. She squeezes the flesh, and Rachel moans into her mouth, which makes Quinn smile.
"You have to be quiet, dear," Quinn murmurs.
Rachel just kisses her harder, drawing moans from them both. One of these days, Rachel knows she's going to end up saying the words 'I love you' and then they're going to have to deal with that.
But, for now, she's just going to enjoy the taste of Quinn and hope this feeling never disappears.
Rachel wakes first, which is odd, because Quinn is usually up before her, already on a run or just floating around the room in that graceful way that makes Rachel both jealous and love her that bit more.
So, it's a surprise to her that Quinn is still asleep, stretched out on her stomach with a peaceful look on her face. Rachel wonders if she's been getting any good sleep lately, and her heart hurts a little at the thought that this is the first good night she's had since Rachel left Dalton.
Quinn's fingers are loosely clasped around her wrist. In any other situation, the position would be too difficult to accept, but there's a gentleness about Quinn in this moment. There's a certain innocence about her that makes the light grip endearing, as if she's just holding onto Rachel, afraid she might float away if her fingers fall away.
That thought hurts as well, and Rachel has to accept that loving Quinn is going to come with a little pain as well, whether she likes it or not.
Breathing a sigh, Rachel rolls onto her side and shifts in closer to the warmth of Quinn's body. The blonde squirms in her sleep, her brow creasing, but then she relaxes again.
"Quinn?" Rachel whispers, checking to see if she's actually awake. "Quinn?" When she's satisfied with her girlfriend's slumber, Rachel says words of which she's terrified. "I love you," she says. "I love you, Quinn Fabray, and I don't know what I'm supposed to do with that."