A/N: See Chapter 1 for Disclaimer. I also want to warn all of you who have come this far to buckle your seatbelts. I warned you all in the beginning that this story was going to be very intense. I know Chapter 4 was tough, but the Chapter 5 ride may be even more turbulent, so brace yourselves. Thank you all for stopping by. ((HUGS)) to everyone who needs one today. God bless.
Chapter 5: Suppressing the Truth
For the rest of that day, I was so shocked and overwhelmed that I couldn't really step back and analyze the situation. But later on that evening, reality began to set in. I started looking back on my dealings with that terrible man over the years. Martin Stuart had been a friend of our family for years, decades even, and he'd always been a powerful political ally. Very soon after Philippe's death, the von Trokens began pushing hard to have me removed from the throne, and had it not been for Stuart's political support, they just might have succeeded. That was a fact that was constantly in the back of my mind in the years before Mia ascended the throne. And the day after Mia's nineteenth birthday, Stuart approached me and asked me to do him a favor, and I did it without a moment's hesitation. It was the most selfish, most heinous, most evil thing I'd ever done. My deepest regret.
"What have I done, Joseph?" I gasped as Joseph and I were sitting on the couch together in the living area of our suite. "What have I done? My baby! Oh, God! Joseph, what have I done?!" I cried out, and then I began sobbing for about the millionth time that day.
"What is it, Clarisse?" Joseph asked gently while I continued to cry. I had yet another good cry, and then I wiped my eyes and caught my breath, and a few moments later, I answered Joseph's question.
"I…I never told you this, Joseph. I never told anyone about this. But that terrible man came up to me one day after our we'd just finished a session with Parliament. This was a couple of years before Mia ascended the throne. After everyone else had left the Parliament chambers and it was just the two of us, he asked me to do him a favor, and he asked me to keep it just between us, and I did. I did what he wanted me to do without a moment's hesitation, may Jesus forgive me."
"What did he want you to do?"
"He wanted me to use my authority as Queen to kill a story that was about to go out in the press. A story that claimed that he was a pedophile and a child trafficker. And I did it, Joseph. I did it," I tearfully confessed. "I stopped the Genovian press from airing that story. I used my power and authority as Queen to protect that vile snake."
"Why, Clarisse? Why would you do such a thing?" Joseph gasped.
"He'd been a close friend of the Renaldis for decades, Joseph. I'd known him ever since I was nineteen years-old. I'd known him my entire adult life. And it was, at least somewhat, because of his political support that I was able to remain on the throne after Philippe's death, despite the von Trokens' endless attempts to steal the crown. He'd always been a powerful political ally of ours and an invaluable asset to our family."
"What are you telling me, Clarisse? Are you telling me that you suppressed the truth about that beast just so that you could hold onto power?"
"No, not at all," I insisted as I fervently shook my head. "I never believed that there was anything to suppress. When he asked me for my help that day, I was completely convinced that the story was a lie. I never dreamed that he was capable of anything like this. I chose to help him because I really did believe that he was innocent, and I really did believe that this was nothing more than a vicious smear campaign being run against him by all our political opponents."
"So you used your power and your authority to suppress the story, and then you just went on with your life without giving it a second thought?"
"In a nutshell, yes, that's basically what I did."
"It never dawned on you that you should've had him investigated, just to be on the safe side? It never dawned on you that you should've done everything in your power to make certain that the story wasn't true before you decided to allow him to continue serving in our government? You never once realized that you owed it to the children of Genovia to be one hundred percent certain that he was not a threat to them?" Joseph asked me in pure disbelief.
"Like I said, Joseph, I never imagined for one moment that there was even the slightest possibility of it being true. He was a good friend of Rupert's and mine for decades. I never dreamed that it was possible that he'd actually been faking his friendship to us all these years, biding his time until he was able to buy off Royal Security and instill his minions throughout our government. Furthermore, at the time, I was thoroughly convinced that something as evil as child trafficking could never happen here. I was certainly aware that child trafficking happened in America and in other countries, but back then, I really did believe that it was impossible for such a heinous thing to happen in Genovia."
"Were you really convinced of that, Clarisse, or did you choose to believe that because you didn't want to confront the difficult and painful possibility of it being true? Did you really believe it was impossible, or did you simply choose to sweep it under the rug so that you would not have to face something that would have been terribly uncomfortable for you, as so many people of our generation are guilty of doing?"
After a long silence, I admitted, "I think it's probably both. I really was convinced back then that child trafficking could never happen here in Genovia, but now that I look back on it, I think it's also true that I chose to not even consider the possibility because it scared me so much. Because the mere thought of it just shattered my heart completely. I just couldn't bear to consider the possibility that child trafficking was actually happening here in my beautiful Genovia. I couldn't bear to think about it for a single moment.
"But Mia? She had to think about it every day; she had to deal with it every day. She didn't have a choice. Thanks to my blindness, my willful blindness, Mia inherited this horrific mess that I left her with. During her final weeks as a princess, she made a lot of mistakes because she was inexperienced and naïve about what life as a Genovian monarch was really like. But when it comes to life in the real world outside our palace walls, I was the naïve one, not Mia. I never told Mia this before, but the truth is, there have been so many times when she's really amazed me. Giving our castle in Libbet to orphans and foster children so that they could have a home…reaching out to give support to bullied and suicidal children…those are things I never would have thought of doing as Queen. And now that I finally have all the facts, now that I finally see the picture as it truly is, I finally get it that Mia is a better queen and a better person than I could ever hope to be. Mia's always seen so many things in life that I couldn't see because…"
"Because…?"
"Because I've spent my entire life living in an ivory tower. And while I was closed off here in my palace, in my own personal ivory tower, enjoying wealth and comfort and status and privilege, completely sheltered from the real world, my granddaughter was out there enduring constant verbal, emotional, and sexual abuse. I've been surrounded by servants catering to my every whim every day of my life. I've always been surrounded by people who valued me and treated me with respect, which is a luxury Mia certainly never had. And because I had it so good for so long, I guess it all went to my head. I guess my self-confidence became arrogance without me even realizing it. All these years, I've been so arrogant and blind, and I never even saw it until today. I was convinced that things like child prostitution and child trafficking could never happen in Genovia. And I convinced myself of that because of my own cowardice and arrogance. I chose to protect that vile snake because I didn't have the guts to deal with it, and because I arrogantly and blindly believed that my judge of character couldn't possibly be wrong.
"It's so funny," I said in the next moment with the most bitter laugh. "When you really stop to think about it, the level of irony is completely off the charts. All these years, I had the nerve and the gall to think that I was a better royal than Mia and that she was beneath me. I had the unbelievable nerve to question if Mia had the makings of a queen simply because she was trying to have a private conversation with someone, all the while I was enabling pedophilia and child trafficking. I had the unbelievable gall to lecture Mia about responsibility and higher standards of behavior while I was turning a blind eye to our own children being raped and trafficked. Whenever Mia made a mistake in the past, I dared to think to myself that she was stupid. I dared to believe that I had the right to look down on her. But I finally realize it now that whatever stupidity Mia may have had in the past, it was stupidity she inherited from me. Now, for the first time in my life, I'm finally seeing things the way they truly are. Whatever stupid things Mia might have done in the past were completely understandable given her youth and lack of experience. But me? I don't get that excuse. I had enough experience as a queen, more than enough experience, to understand the importance of being thorough in matters like these. For all my talk and bluster about duty to my country over the years, I failed my country when it mattered most. I failed my country's children when it mattered most. I selfishly swept the truth under the rug just to protect myself from discomfort. But Mia? She didn't give into the temptation to be cowardly and selfish like I did. She courageously faced the truth head-on, and she sacrificed everything, everything, to save Genovia from that beast. It's so very ironic. In all my years as Queen, I did so much talking about my duty to Genovia while stabbing Genovian children in the back, and I had the nerve to believe that I was so much more dutiful than Mia. But Mia? Mia didn't talk about duty to her country. She lived it."
"She certainly did," Joseph said quietly.
"Oh Joseph…can you ever forgive me for what I've done?" I asked as silent tears streamed down my face.
After the longest silence, Joseph finally replied, "When I married you, I gave you my word that I would always stand by you for better or worse. When you truly love someone, you don't just stay loyal to them when things are going well; you stay loyal to them even in the worst of circumstances, because that's when it matters the most. My love for you is unconditional, Clarisse, and it will never end. And yes, I do forgive you.
"But when you decided to sweep all of this under the rug, you did an evil thing, Clarisse. A horribly evil thing. Your granddaughter is still suffering to this very day and she will continue to suffer every moment for the rest of her life because of what you have done. You've always talked about responsibility, but now, it's time for you to put your money where your mouth is. You've caused your granddaughter a lot of pain, and now, it's time for you to accept responsibility for what you've done and start easing her pain. Now is the time for you to finally come off your royal high horse and stop looking down on Mia. You have always been the Queen of Genovia first and Grandma second, and that has got to change. You have to be Grandma now, nothing else, and you have to start loving your grandchild, your only grandchild, in all circumstances, good and bad. You have to be there for her. You understand? You have to really be there for her. I always gave you unconditional love, but you never extended one ounce of unconditional love to Mia. Your love for Mia has always been based on how well she performs as a royal. That's always been obvious. You had no problem loving and supporting Mia whenever she did things right, but the instant she made a mistake, your 'love' for your only grandchild almost always flew out the window. That has got to stop."
"It's going to stop, Joseph," I assured him. "It's stopping right now."
"You owe our little girl an apology, Clarisse."
"I know that. The second we're able to leave the palace and go see Mia, I'll tell her how sorry I am for everything I've done."
"And you'll tell her how much you love her. You'll tell her how proud you are of her; how proud you've always been of her. You'll start doing everything in your power to make our little girl's hellish life easier to bear. And from this point forward, if you have anything to say to her, you'll say it with respect."
I nodded and said, "Of course."
Joseph then pulled me into his arms and held me close. And as even more tears started streaming down my cheeks, I silently thanked Jesus over and over again for my husband's forgiveness and unconditional love. And in those moments, I made up my mind that I would never give my baby girl anything less than completely unconditional love and the deepest respect.