Chapter four

I slept for almost three hours. When I woke up and looked to my side, the gentleman next to me had his eyes closed and was breathing unevenly. I realized he wasn't sleeping so I touched him gently on his shoulder to let him know that I was awake. He smiled at me and I excused myself to go to the bathroom. My mom was already up and making a conversation with a young woman sitting across the aisle. I gave her a small kiss on the forehead and she reassured me that she had barely noticed my absence since the flight attendant had told her where I was.

I was relieved by that information for two reasons: first, I didn't want her to worry, and second, she would almost certainly come up with something like, "My daughter was kidnapped during the flight and they jumped off the airplane with her!" I'm not being mean, but she is prone to overreact about pretty much everything. Honestly! A couple of months ago during the peak of her "post-Phil depression", she had a discussion with a pregnant lady over chocolate: "Why do you need two bars? If you wanted to look like a hippopotamus you already succeeded, no need to keep up with the hyper caloric diet!" She had made the poor woman cry. She eventually realized what she had done but that didn't keep her from eating the chocolate.

There's something childish about her personality that can be very captivating, but it can also be exhausting sometimes. I fear that for me it's more often the second than the first. I blame my grandfather for that. He was crazy about her and he was the only person that balanced his parental duties evenly: he was protective without being oppressive. I guess my dad, Charlie, is a little bit like him in that way. He kept his trusting personality despite the fact that every life experience might have taught him otherwise – he's a police officer and my mother left him when I was five and Em was seven. We were separated after the divorce was finalized: my mom took me but Emmett was too close to Charlie and didn't want to leave him. The only right decision my mother ever made was allowing Charlie to raise Emmett. He did well!

Renée was still distracted talking to the same lady so I went back to Mr. More's side. What is it with that "your grace" thing? I wondered. Should I ask him? Can I? I sat by his side. He was watching "Atonement". That's hardly what I expected him to watch. But then again, what was I expecting? I watched the actors playing their parts exquisitely; I had seen it before and really loved it. It broke my heart to know that the main characters didn't end up together. How many misunderstandings do you have to deal with in your life? It's scary how little mistakes alter everything so completely that you eventually can't bring yourself to recognize them. Does it matter anyway?

"Is it better to have loved and lost or never to have loved at all?" Mr. More asked, removing his earphones and looking directly into my eyes. That surprised and intimidated me a little.

"I honestly don't know," I said truthfully.

"Are you in love, Bella? I'm not asking if you've ever been in love because I like to differentiate love from infatuation."

"No. I don't think I've ever truly loved anyone. But I was engaged until six months ago."

"Can I ask you what happened?"

Could he? I hesitated and then answered, "It wasn't meant to be."

"You didn't love him?"

"Now I'm sure I didn't."

"What made you decide that?"

"He cheated on me with one of my closest friends. He could have chosen someone I didn't know… I was so blind."

"Well, if she did something like that to you it's a good thing you found out. She can't be a good friend to you if she took advantage of the trust you had in her."

"I suppose you're right. Will you think I'm evil if I told you that I took comfort knowing that he'll probably do the same to her? Usually a man who cheats has that trait in his character; I believe they tend to relapse, so to speak. I mean… he did try to get back with me after and he was officially dating her at the time."

"I wouldn't dare to think any less of you." He stared at me and then added, "I hope you won't think less of me after I make a confession."

"What?"

"I'd cheated on my fiancée before our wedding. It was under different circumstances than yours." He almost rushed his explanation. "I always regretted it. And I never did it again. You see? You can learn from your mistakes."

"Did you tell her?"

"Tell who?"

"Your wife."

He looked away…ashamed? Hurt? It was hard to tell what his dominant feeling was just by looking at his expression. "Yes. She has always known."

"At least you told her, and by not doing it again you proved to her that you meant it when you said you were sorry."

"I regretted getting married to the person I did when I loved someone else. I cheated on my fiancée with the woman I loved. No one else touched me the way that she did, and that helped me keep my promise to my wife and stay faithful to her even when I couldn't love her the way she deserved. I know that I failed them both but I knew that I wasn't the man that Marie needed, and I truly hope she lived a happy life. Even so, I can't help to think that her child and grandchildren should have been mine."

What a coincidence, my grandmother's name was Marie.

"So you didn't marry her because you were already engaged to another woman? That was noble of you."

"Maybe it could have been if my primary reason was to respect my prior promises. But it wasn't. I truly believed that we were from two different worlds that shouldn't blend." He laughed humorlessly. "That we would eventually hurt and hate each other. I really believed that once the passion was gone there wouldn't be anything capable of keeping us together. I was afraid to fail the most important person to me, the one who held my universe, so I didn't even try. I could have had it but I was a coward."

"So you don't think now that all you can hope for in life is a certain sense of contentment?"

"No. Those people who say that love isn't always enough to make a marriage had a choice in the matter… and either misjudged their true feelings or were too selfish to put real effort into making the relationship work."

"Sometimes the timing is just wrong, though…"

"Maybe. But don't give up on love, Bella. The idea of what could have been can scar you for life, trust me. I would know…"

"I'll try not to. But I make no promises on the subject, okay?" I tried to give him my best smile. I'm not sure why I needed to reassure him. I almost felt sorry for this man. Maybe it's better not to love at all… I wouldn't have been able to recover after the "Michael-Jessica affair" had I been in love with him. Maybe men just cheat… it's in their nature to just try and spread their seed, right? Emmett always said that Michael looked like a moron. He was probably right… I hope he didn't read about the study that concluded that men who cheat on their wives or girlfriends tend to have lower IQ scores.

"Why are you so quiet?"

I blushed a little but decided to answer truthfully. "I was remembering an article I read recently in a magazine… something about men who are unfaithful to their wives or girlfriends tend to have lower IQ scores. My mother disagreed with that, though. She argued that intelligent men probably didn't let themselves get caught!" He laughed genuinely.

"That's very sensible of her." He paused for a while before starting again. "What are you going to do in Sydney and how long do you plan on staying? If I may be so bold as to ask."

"I'm staying at my brother's home and I plan on staying for a couple of weeks in Sydney."

"Are you staying just in Sydney?"

"Yes. I hope I'll be able to come back eventually, but I haven't seen Emmett in eight months so I really want to be with him and just enjoy some quality family time."

Suddenly we heard the flight attendant's voice over the intercom: "Ladies and gentlemen, we're about to land. Please remain seated and fasten your seatbelt."

"I should get back to my seat with my mother. She may need an arm to squeeze while the plane is landing," I joked.

"Sure… I took enough of your time already. It was very nice to meet you, Bella."

"You, too." And it was. He seemed so lonely and sad. I got up and when I reached the aisle he stopped me by pressing my hand gently.

"Bella, you were such lovely company that I can't help myself… would you like to join me for lunch anytime during the next week? I hardly know anyone in Sydney, and I truly enjoyed talking to you."

I was about to decline and he almost certainly sensed my hesitation because he hastily added, "It's not a date. I'm old enough to be your grandfather, for God's sake. I'm not looking for some random female company. I just feel like I can trust you and that I've known you for a long time. I promise you'll have fun, and you'd give an old man the pleasure of a delightful day."

I couldn't refuse him when he looked so earnest. "Okay. On one condition..."

"Name it!"

"I choose the place. I don't want to go to one of those fancy restaurants that I suspect you frequent."

"That seems very reasonable."

"Great! So how do we meet?"

"Give me your phone number and I'll call you. And before you ask, I'll pick you up. I'm that old-fashioned."

Ashlee came out of nowhere and gave me a pen and a little notebook so I could write down my number. After handing the slip of paper to Mr. More, I quickly returned to my seat next to Renée, who gave me an inquiring and curious look. She promptly asked about my new acquaintance, but she either found it uninteresting or her attention was engaged on the landing process, because she squeezed my hand with all her strength and the subject was dropped as quickly as it was raised. I really missed my brother!

AN:

As always I don't own twilight, SM does.

Thanks again to my Beta Scooterstale for editing. Did you read her story already? If you didn't please do, you won't be disappointed!