Chapter Thirty-One

The first few days being back are the hardest, which is expected.

Quinn is quiet, even a little prickly, as she adjusts to being back at school. The first afternoon is odd for her, waking to Tracey's face, and then having to encounter a handful of students on her walk to the conference room to meet Holly for her first official session with the trauma counsellor.

Her skin continually crawls with the weight of their stares. It's worse that everyone knows what happened. And, even if they didn't, they were bound to learn the truth, if they went looking hard enough.

Well, not even that hard, really. The entire thing has been on the local news. Also, just one search of her name, and it would link to her father, and she just knows she's not ready to face the great big world right now.

Or, ever.

Quinn doesn't talk much, in the first session, and Holly doesn't push. All Quinn asks is how Rachel is doing, after the initial blowup that was their earlier reunion, and then grows quiet once she hears Rachel is doing okay, given the circumstances. It's already a trying enough day, but Holly does prepare her as much as she can for seeing the Berry-Holt family in all their numbers, as much as she can.

There's a cake.

LeRoy brings it to the conference room after Holly ends her short session with Quinn, and the entire family pours into the room after him, all of them singing a very quiet, subdued 'Happy Birthday' with tears in their eyes and smiles on their faces.

It's overwhelming, and Quinn doesn't know if she can handle it all. They just - they obviously care about her, but she did this thing and hurt them and -

Rachel is there, emerging behind her mother, and Quinn's breath catches in her throat and stills in her lungs, and she -

Rachel closes the space between them in a few short strides, barely hesitating before throwing her arms around Quinn once more. This time, Quinn doesn't say a word, standing frozen for a moment, before she allows herself to relax into an embrace that is supposed to bring her comfort. If she blocks out their last hug, she knows there's never been a safer place for her.

Rachel doesn't say anything, either. Just holds her close, kisses her cheek, and then releases her, leaving her to the attention of the rest of her family. She's never even met Shelby before this moment, and, if Quinn had a choice, this definitely wouldn't be how she'd want to meet her girlfriend's mother. What's more striking is that, if she'd succeeded, this meeting wouldn't even be happening at all.

God.

Everything is such a mess.

Quinn can't quite meet any of their eyes, and she's aware they must know it. There's an undeniable awkwardness that lingers, but Quinn tries. She tries to be present and not feel guilty and actually look at the cake they've brought for her.

It's all just a reminder that she's eighteen now.

She's finally eighteen.

She made it.

But… she almost didn't.

This is the day they were all waiting for; the day she was living for, and, now that it's here, all she feels is… empty.

Not even relief.

No dread.

No joy or even a little bit of fear.

Just nothing.

For a moment, she worries that she managed to break something in her attempt to break everything, but then Rachel slips her hand into Quinn's, and that feeling can't be faked.

Quinn turns her head to look at Rachel, seeing every emotion Quinn should be feeling reflected in her chestnut eyes.

Only one really resonates, and Quinn will take it. Hold onto it with every part of her she has left.

It's love.

The first Saturday, Holly has a list of seven students she has to meet, starting with Brittany Pierce. She's planned out a series of questions she intends to ask each of them; just to help her figure out their current states of minds and how they're dealing with the aftermath of what's happened. It's then based on the initial half-hour that she'll decide if she'll have to see them again.

It takes Holly less than two minutes to realise Brittany probably won't need to be back. It isn't even in anything she does; but rather in the way she starts the entire session by saying, "I think they're going to be okay," with all the confidence Holly wishes she could feel.

Holly desperately wants to believe it, but she's more cautious by nature. "Why do you say that?"

"Because they both actually slept last night," Brittany says, entirely too casually, and Holly accepts that might be the most optimistic thing she's heard. "They're already healing."

Holly nods, accepting it for what it is, even if she has a more scientific approach to it. "You were with Rachel," she says instead; "when she found Quinn."

The small smile slips from Brittany's face. "I was, yes," she says carefully. "And Candice. Santana said she heard Rachel's scream and came running from her room, and - "

Holly waits, patient and knowing.

"I'm aware that Quinn is still alive because of what Santana did in that bathroom, but I don't think it's actually settled into San's head what she's done."

Holly makes a note of it, because Santana Lopez is on her list, and she has a feeling that's going to be a complicated session without even getting into the life-saving techniques she performed on Quinn less than a week ago.

"A lot of stars aligned to make sure we were able to save Quinn's life," Brittany says, and Holly wishes she had her head so screwed on right when she was Brittany's age. "I don't think I can look at it any other way."

Holly hums. "Are you close with Quinn?"

"Not really," Brittany tells her. "But Rachel is probably my best friend, besides Santana, and I - I've watched her work through all her feelings regarding Quinn since they met. Girls can be so clueless sometimes."

Holly won't even touch that last statement. "Were you aware of their relationship?" she asks instead.

"I was," she says. "Not many people were. I picked up on it really early; how much they liked each other. They kept it a secret for so long, but Rachel ended up telling me without actually telling me." She looks at her hands. "It's almost as if they were afraid something like this would happen, and it seems they were right to be scared."

Holly scribbles a few notes on her notepad. "How has Rachel seemed today? Yesterday?"

"Herself," Brittany says. "But, like, pushed to one hundred." She shifts in her seat. "She couldn't stop looking at Quinn while we were at breakfast this morning, as if she still can't quite believe Quinn is here."

"That's expected."

"I just wish I could help," Brittany says sombrely. "But I know it can't be rushed. I think only time will work here. And therapy. Talking to each other. All the things people tell us to do, but we usually don't."

Holly blinks at her. "You don't even need me, do you?"

Brittany shrugs. "My mother's a therapist," she reveals. "I understand a lot more about what's going on than I probably should."

"You'll be on the lookout for anything I miss?"

Brittany nods, and then gives her a serious look. "I get the feeling that, if Santana is going to talk to anyone, it's more likely to be me than you," she says. "No offence."

Holly takes none.

Kurt Hummel is unexpected, but also not. He's a little stiff and guarded when he comes into the conference room, eyes darting about, before he seems to settle himself and take the offered seat.

Holly immediately knows this won't be the only time they meet.

It takes a little prompting, but she eventually gets him talking. The past few days haven't been easy on him, it appears, and his hands fidget in his lap with things left unsaid.

"Do you know she doesn't really talk to me?" Kurt finally asks, jaw clenched. "Not about anything real."

Holly waits, patient.

"I tell her everything," Kurt says. "About losing my mom, and about trying to parent my dad. I tell her about how terrifying it is to be out, and how I can't bring myself to take a leap of faith she's tried so hard to get me to. I talk about singing and my dreams of the future and, just, everything."

"But Quinn doesn't do the same," Holly states.

"And, you know, at the time, when she did, I didn't even care that she waited so long to tell me she and Rachel were dating," Kurt says. "I didn't even care that she couldn't come out to me until a few weeks ago, even though it hurts a little. I - "

"What do you care about?"

Kurt's jaw clenches. "I care that, at the end of the day, it feels as if I know absolutely nothing about her."

Holly chooses to remain silent, allowing him to continue.

"You know, when I came out to my dad, he told me he already knew," Kurt says. "He always knew, and he was just waiting for me to be comfortable enough to tell him." He puffs out a breath. "I spent so long agonising over it; preparing myself for how he would take it, and it was both disappointing and such a relief that he already knew, because nothing really changed between us.

"But, there was something I read when I was preparing for my big speech, about how parents can react to the news they have a gay child. They equated it to something like your child dying, which I always found so dramatic, but it makes sense to me now. Every thought; every dream you've ever envisioned for your kid… kind of just disappears at the new reality, and it's as if the child you knew no longer exists because, at least with me, sexuality is such a huge part of a person, and, as much as we want to pretend it doesn't change anything, it does." He clears his throat. "I - I don't think it's like that with Quinn, because our relationship is different, but - "

"It feels as if the Quinn you knew is gone," she finishes.

Kurt sighs heavily. "It isn't even the fact she's gay," he says, and he means it. This is beyond that; beyond this part of her she revealed to him. "I don't - I mean, I've always known there are parts of her she hides from me and everyone else, but I - now, sometimes, I look at her and I don't even recognise her, and then I remember that this stupid girl is my best friend in this stupid place and I hate that it feels as if she willingly ripped herself from me and I don't even know if I'm allowed to be angry."

"You're allowed to be angry," Holly assures him, choosing to address that, because she's not sure she's understand what he's trying to say with the rest of it. "You can even tell her how angry you are."

There is fear in his eyes when he looks at her. "But - "

"It's going to be okay."

"How can you even say that?" he asks, sudden and sharp, and it seems to surprise him. "How can you know that?" His voice is high with distress and something like despair. "She almost died. She was almost just gone, and how is anything okay? Like, my reading has made me aware of the statistics, Dr Holliday. The numbers are overwhelming. The number of LGBT youth who take their own lives is astronomical, and I - I can't stand the thought Quinn could have been just another number to add to a horrifying statistic." His ire dissipates in an instant. "Why couldn't she come to me? That day. When everyone learned about her in the worst way imaginable; why couldn't - "

"Kurt."

"Did I not show her enough support?" he asks, and it's rhetorical. "The first time she told me. Because I thought I did. I - I didn't want to be too excited about it, and she was so - " he stops, breathes out. "She told me she wanted me to know her. I thought we were getting somewhere. I thought I could help."

"Nothing that's happened changes that, Kurt," Holly says. "She's going to need all your help. If you're willing to give it."

Kurt nods his head. "Of course I am," he says. "I just - does she even want it?"

"I think you'll have to ask her what she wants," Holly says. "You have to tell her what you want, too. None of this has been easy for any of you, and you're all going to need one another."

"I want her to know she can rely on me," he says. "That this isn't the end of the world. She has people. I hate that she forgot that."

Holly watches him work through his own thoughts, wondering if she'll have to jump in at some point.

"I just have to remind her."

She needn't worry.

Next on her list is Candice Lewis, and Holly knows of her connection from what she's learned from Rachel and Brittany. She was there too, when Quinn was found, having raced through the corridors behind Rachel and Brittany when the uncomfortable realisation that something had to have happened settled in.

It helps that Candice doesn't look too haunted.

It also helps that Candice says, "I had breakfast with them this morning," and Holly suspects she's referring to Quinn and Rachel. "It was… weird, but also not. They didn't really say all that much, but Kurt cracked this stupid joke about Quinn's bedhead, and she laughed, which, yeah - it was totally trippy to think we wouldn't hear that sound again." She shakes her head, smile slipping. "I barely even knew her last year," she admits. "I mean, we were classmates and part of a few of the same clubs, but I didn't really talk to her, you know?" She blinks. "Just, it would just really suck if she were actually gone, you know? She's pretty awesome, and the world needs more of that."

Holly manages a smile, not even tempted to try to get a word in.

"Do you think she needs me to, like, I don't know, make sure she knows I'm totally cool that she's with Rachel?" Candice asks, a crease in her brow.

"Is that something you want to do?" Holly asks in return.

"Yeah," Candice says. "I mean, this massive thing was just exposed about her, and it was meant to hurt everyone involved, and my boyfriend was telling me about triggers - he's really into psychology - and I don't want Quinn to think that we're part of her worst case scenario."

"Then, you should tell her what you want to tell her," Holly says.

"Cool."

Holly's lunch break is only half an hour long, and she spends majority of it accepting that she's probably going to have to be here longer than she initially expected. Not just because of Quinn and Rachel, but for these other students, too.

Their teachers, as well.

She has lists of people who work closely with Quinn, and closely with the people around her. The ramifications of actually losing Quinn would have been more severe, of course, but she suspects there's another type of difficulty in having Quinn still be here, knowing what they now know.

Quinn was used in a slander advertisement to hurt her father, exposing some of her deepest secrets and placing a target not only on her back, but also on Rachel's. And possibly other LGBT youth.

Holly hasn't paid too much attention to what's happening beyond the walls of Dalton, but she imagines the state's media is still in a frenzy. She's instructed both Quinn and Rachel to avoid all social media and stay as far away from the news as possible, and she's relieved by the knowledge Quinn's phone isn't in working order. Dalton's PR team has also made it easier to keep the students protected, and Holly is working hard to make sure it stays that way.

Still, she can't help but worry about what happens once they leave this place.

Blaine Anderson reminds Holly of Rachel in a way, and she feels her heart warm to him immediately. He's a little fidgety, but his eyes are focused, and she barely has to prompt him before he starts talking.

"I may or may not have bet Quinn my firstborn child," is what he starts with, and it's about the most unexpected thing Holly thought she would hear today. "Now I get why she and Rachel are always so amused whenever it comes up."

There must be an entire story behind that, and Blaine takes enough pity on her to explain the long-standing lore of Quinn Fabray, the Hat-Trick Hero. Holly knows, on the surface, that Quinn is something special on the soccer pitch, but the way Blaine talks about it makes her seem unreal.

Out of this world.

Which, given everything, might not be too far off base.

"Rachel and I are part of the ConChords," Blaine says after a moment. "With Kurt," he adds a beat later. "Jesse, our director, actually cancelled all rehearsals this week. He looked, I don't know, spooked about the entire thing, and I don't think any of us were in the right state of mind to sing, anyway."

"How are you feeling now?"

He looks at his hands, fidgeting. "I'm not sure," he admits. "I haven't yet tried to sing, but we don't have long to go until we compete at Regionals, so we're going to have to get it together pretty quickly."

Holly makes a note to ask Rachel about her feelings on the matter.

"Sam is my roommate," Blaine blurts out, and Holly accepts he's the type of boy who shifts topics quickly. "I - that's kind of how I knew Quinn. Before. But now she's my friend, you know? We're friends. Because we're prefects, but also because of Kurt, and Rachel, and I thought - "

"You thought," she prompts.

"It's silly," he deflects.

"Tell me anyway."

He hesitates, and then quietly says, "It felt special. The four of us. Like, we were some kind of unit; the people the entire school looked to as the student leaders of the school." He audibly swallows. "She trusted us to help her, you know, and I thought - I thought it would last."

"What makes you think it's over now?"

"Even if it's not," he says sombrely; "I'm realistic enough to know it'll never be the same again." He pauses. "But, then again, maybe that's best."

The relative ease of Blaine's session is in such stark contrast to the icy reception she receives from Santana Lopez. If Blaine was a reminder of Rachel, then Santana reminds her of Quinn in a lot of ways, and she doesn't realise just how accurate that is until she gets to talking.

"Brittany forced me to come," Santana says, arms crossed over her chest. "She thinks I need to talk about it."

"And, what do you think?" Holly asks, curious.

Santana hesitates. "I think that talking about it isn't going to fix anything."

"Then, what will?"

"Aren't you supposed to be the one with all the answers?" Santana immediately counters.

"What's the point of that, when you won't listen, either way?" Holly shoots right back.

The fact Santana doesn't immediately respond is something Holly takes as a good sign. "We're going to have to talk about it," she says. "I have to establish if you're dealing with the events of the day in question."

"You mean the day my best friend tried to kill herself," Santana says tensely.

Holly tilts her head a little. "You called Quinn your best friend," she points out.

Santana frowns, replaying her own words. "I just mean - I meant to say my ex-best friend."

Holly makes a note on her notepad, which she knows will irritate Santana to no end. "Why are you ex-best friends, anyway?"

"Does it matter?"

"You tell me," Holly says. "Because, the way I see it, there's another underlying feeling you're holding onto that has nothing to do with Quinn at all."

Santana's nostrils flare. "That makes no sense."

"But, I'm right, aren't I?"

"Would you like a medal?"

Holly just makes another note, because there is a lot of anger here, and it's striking that it's not directed solely at Quinn. It's directed at Santana, herself, and Holly doesn't understand why that could be.

Maybe she pushes too much, or just asks the correct question, because Santana storms out of their session just thirteen minutes in, and Holly sighs in defeat.

Obviously, it's not the first time it's happened to her in her career, but it still leaves her feeling unsettled. As if she's failed in some way.

She makes another note, Keep trying with this one. She could be the key.

Gina Doherty is on the list for the sole reason that she's another one of Quinn's deputies. Her Vice Captain on the soccer team, to be clear, and she still looks rattled.

"We have to play tonight," Gina starts, her knee bouncing. "I mean, it's not the first time we've played without her, because she's been injured a bunch of times, and she was totally sent off this one time, but she's kind of our talisman, you know?"

"Do you want her to be at the game?"

Here, Gina hesitates. "Of course," she answers, too quiet to be all she's going to say. "But, I don't want her to be there if it's too hard for her, you know?"

"What do you mean?"

"The entire day, people have been staring at her, murmuring about her, and it would just be worse at the game, and I wouldn't ask that of her, even if I know she'll force herself to come if she knows it's what we want." Her smile is a little sad. "She's always been our best cheerleader." She shakes her head. "And our martyr."

"That's an interesting word to use," Holly points out.

"But accurate," Gina says, leaning back in her seat. "She's very good, you know? And patient." She smiles softly. "We started teasing her, when Rachel and Kurt started showing up to all our home games. She would wave at them and blow these kisses in their direction, and we would tease her about her fan club. She would always blush, though, like we were saying something else, and now we know why."

Holly manages a smile, herself. "How has the rest of your team handled this past week?" she asks.

Here, Gina stills. "Mostly okay, I guess," she says. "I mean, she's Quinn, so we love her, but this all makes her behaviour make a lot more sense."

"What do you mean?"

Gina clears her throat, looking slightly uncomfortable. "I don't actually know if it's to do with her… sexuality, but she never changes in front of us." She shifts in her seat. "And she doesn't usually shower when we're around. She either skips it entirely, or stays out on the pitch until we're all gone. And, at first, we thought she just thought she was better than us, you know, but it's not that at all." She closes her eyes for a long moment. "She also doesn't like being touched, and I can probably count on one hand the number of times she's joined into a goal celebration with the rest of us."

Holly's sure she could go on, but Gina doesn't add any more examples.

"I just want her to be comfortable with us," Gina says. "Do you think, now that we know, and she knows we know, that she won't be as… careful? As guarded?"

"I don't know," Holly tells her, which is the truth. "That, I'm sure, you're going to have to talk to Quinn about."

If Holly is being honest, she's not entirely certain why Sam Evans ends up on her list until she hears him say, quiet and a lot guiltily, "I always knew something like this would happen."

Holly's pen freezes where she's in the middle of writing his name on a fresh page. His words aren't that much of a surprise, given it's something she's picked up: that this event isn't all that surprising to the people around Quinn.

"I just - I hoped that it wouldn't," Sam says. "I could sense it when we were together. Something just wasn't right, and I know she tried. She tried so hard with me, but then it ended, and it was as if a weight had been lifted, just for another one to be put in its place, and I always knew we would be here one day.

"I tried to warn Rachel," he says. "Before. It happens, sometimes, when she loses her way a little. When it gets bad. I watch, sometimes, to make sure I'm there if it ever gets too bad, so I can be ready. So I can do something. But then - " he stops, and Holly waits. "I didn't see this one coming. And then I was too late."

Holly knows she's going to have to find the words to help discourage his guilt, but he keeps speaking before she can even start.

"I thought Santana would be there," Sam says. "Like, I thought we had this understanding, where we banded together in silence to make sure Quinn would be okay, but then they had a falling out, and then it was Rachel who was there." He shakes his head. "Is it because we didn't do enough?"

"Sam," Holly says. "I know, and you know it was never your responsibility."

"Then, whose is it?"

"Nobody's," she tells him. "Or, if it's anyone's, it's Quinn's, and I don't think you believe her weak, do you?"

"Of course not," he rushes to say. "She's the strongest person I know."

"Then, let her be strong," Holly says. "Let her face this as it is, struggle and figure it out. Let her take responsibility for herself." She meets his gaze. "You can rest, Sam. She's got this."

"Do you promise?"

"I don't think I can make that kind of promise," she says; "but I can promise to do everything in my power to make sure she does."

In the brief amount of time she's spent with Rachel, Holly knows to expect the unexpected.

After her list of seven students is complete, Holly has scheduled sessions with Rachel, and then with Quinn. She's going to be meeting with them every day from here on until she can realistically sign off on their initial trauma counselling.

She just knows nothing can be rushed.

Especially not when Rachel walks into her session, drops into her chair and quietly says, "My family did this," with her gaze focused on her hands in her lap. "My family, Dr Holliday." She sounds disgusted, even to her own ears. "My Uncle Jared, he - he hates Quinn's father, and - " she stops, sighs. "Eric filmed us," she reveals. "I - I don't even know why." She blinks. "I mean, I'm not supposed to know why, but I do, and I think he wanted to hurt Quinn, while Uncle Jared wanted to hurt Russell Fabray's campaign… and they were just too blinded to… consider me, or how - God, she could have died." Her breath stops.

Everything stops.

Because -

"She did die."

Holly just watches, making mental notes actually to look into all the media has said about the entire incident. She knows there's an entire investigation ongoing beyond these walls, but her priority is and will always be these students she's been contracted to help and protect.

"She died, Dr Holliday," Rachel says, voice barely above a whisper. "I - I held onto her body, and I couldn't feel her heart beating." She licks her lips. "Do you - do you know how still a body can be? Because I do. I know what it's like to exist in a world where Quinn Fabray isn't living, and I - I never want to experience that ever again.

"I came this close to losing her. This close. And, you know, we were working towards something. We were almost there. Just a few days, and she would have been free, but then it all went so wrong. Her father made his announcement, and the Powers-That-Be decided that outing a minor was the best way to hurt him, and all they really ended up doing is hurting her. Me. Our community. Our people. And I can't ever forgive them for that. How do I even look at my uncle again? How do I look at Eric? At anyone?

"How can they even begin to justify what they've done? Hasn't my privacy already been violated enough? I mean, Quinn and I were so careful. So careful. But this happened in my house. Under my roof, surrounded by the people who are supposed to love and support me. And, while I didn't think anything like this could happen, I was still worried enough that I convinced her to keep it a secret from most of them. And now look what's happened? How can she ever forgive me for that? How can I ever forgive myself for putting her in danger this way? For making her secret unsafe, in a place that is supposed to protect us?"

Holly waits to see if Rachel is going to continue, but she seems to have run out of steam. "Do you think Quinn blames you for any of this?" she asks, addressing what's probably the most important issue.

"I would rather she do that," Rachel says, not quite answering the question.

"Why?"

"It's better than her blaming herself," Rachel says. "She's done far too much of that for one lifetime, and, if I can save her from this, then I will."

"Why do you have to be the one to take the blame?"

"Who else is there?" Rachel asks, and she sounds tired. "I'm the one who took her there. I'm the one who promised her safety from the great big world, if we were going to try to make it work and actually be together. And then I failed. I failed to protect her, just like every other person in her life, and I almost lost her because of it."

Holly suspects this is a much larger issue to be dealt with at some point, but she can't see herself getting through to her in this moment. It's as if Rachel needs to say these words; just get them out, before they can start working through them.

"Do you know she thinks she deserves it?" Rachel suddenly asks, voice high and expression pinched. "Everything her parents have ever done to her; she thinks she deserves it, as if it's some kind of penance for something that was always going to be out of her control. I don't - I've tried so hard to make her see that it's not true. I've tried so hard to make her see reason." She growls softly. "She told me her birthday would be the day they wouldn't have power over her anymore, and, god, we were so close.

"She won't tell me what they said to her," Rachel says, frustration seeping into her tone. "She won't tell me anything about that last phone call; the one that almost took her away from me. I've asked her, but she always deflects or just doesn't say anything at all. I don't even know why I need to know so badly. I keep thinking it's because I want to avoid getting anywhere close to that topic, but - " she stops, visibly thinks it over. "It's not that at all."

"What is it, then?"

"I want to know what is so powerful enough to trump her love for me," Rachel says, and then closes her eyes, as if she hates the sound of her own words. "I want to know what is so powerful enough to take her away from me."

"Rachel," Holly says. "You know what Quinn has done doesn't make her love for you any less."

"Logically, yes," Rachel says; "but I don't feel it. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel settled in this new reality when I don't know what else is out there that could potentially take her from me again."

"But, she's not gone," Holly feels the need to point out.

"Isn't she?" Rachel questions. "She's not the same. Nothing is the same."

"Do you want it to be?"

Here, Rachel doesn't have an immediate response. "No," she finally says. "I just want it to be better."

"And, it will be," Holly says. "But that isn't something that can happen overnight."

"Why not?" Rachel asks, and it comes out in a slight whine.

"Because we're human beings," Holly says. "And we're broken and beautiful, flawed and works in progress. It's going to take time, Rachel, and isn't it a wonderful thing that you still have that?"

Rachel must hear something very specific in Holly's voice that she didn't intend to reveal, but it does the trick, because she instantly deflates and leans back, an expectant look on her face.

"Okay," she says. "How do we do this, then?"

While Holly seems to be making some kind of headway with Rachel and the others; she can't exactly say the same for Quinn.

The teenager is quiet, reserved, and not entirely up for talking beyond their first session. Holly has to coax words out of her, and even that takes hours out of the time they have allocated.

Holly knows from her conversations with other students in and around the pair that nothing is as it was before this past week happened. It's expected, of course, because the collective school obviously doesn't know how to act around Quinn, Rachel or the pair, now that truths have been revealed.

But, Quinn's Saturday session is filled with silence, and Sunday doesn't get Holly any more joy. The fact Quinn even shows up is a feat in itself, and Holly suspects Quinn wouldn't want to disappoint Rachel by skipping their sessions.

Holly asks about the soccer game, which Quinn admits to skipping, but FaceTimed with Kurt the entire time. He pretends he goes to the game for me, but I know he secretly loves them.

And that's really all Holly gets from her.

She's determined for Monday to be better, but Quinn appears more subdued. Sullen in a way, and -

Well.

Holly won't admit to losing her patience, because that's not actually what happens. It's just that forcing Quinn to talk is more for the teenager's benefit than it is for anyone else's, and Holly can't exactly leave Dalton until she can safely say Quinn has dealt with the initial trauma of what's happened.

So, enough it enough.

Quinn Fabray is going to talk to her.

"We've spent hours talking about nothing, Quinn," Holly starts, careful with her tone. "I don't know about you, but I really don't want to spend the rest of this session in stilted silence."

Quinn sighs, and it sounds heavy to both their ears. "What do you want me to say?"

"I don't want you to say anything," she says. "What do you want to say?"

Quinn meets her gaze, then, and Holly is struck by how dark they are. They haven't even scratched the surface of this, have they? "Aren't you just so tired of dealing with other people's problems?" is what Quinn ends up asking, and it catches Holly way off guard.

The truth is that yes, she sometimes is, but she has a duty to help if she can. "Not if I can help," she tells Quinn. "So, let me help."

"What does it even matter?" Quinn asks, practically scoffing. "I'm already dead."

Holly's brow creases. "Why do you say that?" she asks. "Because, as far as I can tell, you're very much alive."

Quinn clears her throat. "Do you know that I planned for this moment?" she says. "The moment I wouldn't exist to my parents ever again. I prepared for it; made sure to get all my little ducks in a row, because I knew the day would come when I would mean nothing to them." She pauses. Breathes. "I just failed to realise that that day came long before I was even born."

Holly thinks they're getting somewhere, but she can't be sure exactly where that is. "Quinn," she says; "you're going to have to explain that to me."

Quinn looks visibly reluctant. "Will you let the session end if I do?"

Holly will pick her battles as they come, so she agrees. "I think it's important we have this specific discussion."

Quinn knows that much, so she resigns herself to her fate and tells Holly all she knows about her sister Frannie. If she's being honest, she's not certain anything she says is actually true. It's all secondhand information from various sources, right until the moment Quinn learned about Frannie's existence from her actual parents and Mary.

"I think they tried," Quinn says, voice quiet as she keeps her gaze focused anywhere but on the woman in the chair opposite her. "Things weren't so… terrible until I outlived Frannie. I think it all just hit them then that - that I would be the one to live when their daughter wouldn't." She sighs. "I don't really blame them for that, you know? Not really. It's easy to wish for something you don't have; to get lost in a dream that's never to be. I don't blame them, no, but they blame me, and that's - that's expected too, right? Because I couldn't save her. I mean, they had me just to save her, and I couldn't even do it. Why wouldn't they hate the person who killed their child?"

Holly, frankly, doesn't know how to respond. She's vaguely aware of some of Quinn's background from her sessions with Rachel, but this is the first time some of Quinn's demons have been lain out for her to see.

"Quinn," Holly begins, heart beating a little too fast. She's unprepared. "You - you have to know none of that is your fault," she says, because that's the number one thing she needs to get into Quinn's head. "You have to understand that."

Quinn's jaw clenches.

Holly breathes out slowly. "I think, logically, you're aware that you had no control over whether the cells they found in your cord blood would work for Frannie, but you've been conditioned to blame yourself for it, anyway."

Quinn's eyes are impossibly darker when she looks at Holly. "Who else is there to blame?" she asks, and it sounds like a genuine, desperate question. It's also an echo of Rachel's session, and Holly has little more to offer than she did earlier. "There's no one else. Just me. Only me."

Holly scrambles a little, shifting through various ways to steer this conversation. She sifts through bringing up Rachel, all the way to alluding to Quinn's faith, but all her options have the potential to blow up in her face.

Fortunately or not, Quinn doesn't really give her the time to come up with something, because she says, "I actually have a question."

Holly audibly swallows. "I'm listening."

"Will I be allowed to leave campus tomorrow?"

Holly blinks. "Tomorrow is Tuesday," she says a little dumbly.

"It's also Valentine's Day," Quinn points out; "and I'd really like to do something nice for Rachel." Her features soften at the mention of Rachel, and she looks like an entirely new person. Quinn Fabray definitely wears love well. "She's been - I've put her through so much this past week, and she deserves something nice. I just - I want to spoil her. Do something. Just for her. From me. Maybe let her forget who we are and what we're dealing with, just for a few hours.

"She worries so much, and I don't - I wish she wouldn't worry so much." Quinn runs her tongue over her teeth. "She can barely handle it when I'm out of her sight," she divulges. "I'm sure she's freaking out a little while I sit here with you, and don't even get me started on - "

"On what?" Holly presses.

Quinn puffs out a breath, and Holly is so relieved she's managed to get her talking. "It's like she's decided to take over Tracey's job, now that she's gone."

Holly makes a note of that, because Rachel has displayed that tendency in their sessions. Even during their own time together, there's a certain shiftiness to her; as if she's just waiting to be able to set eyes on Quinn, needing to see her alive and breathing.

Quinn clears her throat. "Anyway, I want to do something spectacular for her, so will I be allowed to leave?"

Holly can't be certain Quinn is ready for something like that. Especially if she gets recognised. "What are your plans?" she asks instead.

"I just need to pick up supplies," Quinn tells her. "I'm not actually planning on some huge restaurant date or anything. I just - I need a lot of candles. And flowers. And perfume." She sighs. "You can even accompany me, if you feel so inclined."

Holly probably won't do that, but she thinks she might have to. Tracey was a necessary person, and Holly doesn't think she would be comfortable with Quinn leaving campus by herself.

Except, Quinn says, "I would go with Kurt." She chuckles. "He has his own Valentine's thing to plan."

"Oh?"

Quinn nods, looking more comfortable talking about someone who isn't her. "I've been trying to get him to make his declaration for months now, and he's finally listening to me, because - " she stops quite suddenly.

"Because?" Holly prompts.

Quinn sighs. "Because life is short, and he hasn't managed to kick his crush yet, which basically means he's done the unthinkable and fallen in love." She shakes her head. "The idiot's finally listening to me."

Holly makes a note on her pad that one sure way to get Quinn to start talking is to ask her questions about her friends. This outing is something Quinn has asked for, which is why Holly agrees.

Even though Holly suspects it's not really her permission to give.

"No."

Quinn forces out a hard breath. "I'm not asking you," she says, and she has to fight to remain calm. "I'm informing you of my upcoming whereabouts."

"No," Rachel repeats, hands on her hips as she stands in front of Quinn's closed door, preventing her from leaving. "You are not going anywhere."

Quinn breathes in deeply and lets it out slowly. "I have to," she says, her mind already on the shopping list she has in the back pocket of her jeans.

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why do you have to?" Rachel asks. "Why can't Kurt just buy whatever you need?"

"Rachel," Quinn says with a sigh. "The point is for me to go. I have things I need to buy. For tonight." She looks away. "Also, I think Kurt and I need to talk."

Rachel eyes her critically. "What's happening tonight?"

"It's Valentine's Day," Quinn tells her, as if she needs any reminder. While she and Rachel have been otherwise occupied, their prefects have rallied around them to put together something of a Dalton event to mark the day.

"I'm aware," Rachel says.

"And, I mean, I don't think you have plans, do you?" Quinn asks, just a little coy. "Unless you've got some other Valentine you've been hiding?"

Rachel narrows her eyes at her. "I wouldn't joke about that," she says, still a little tense about the idea of Quinn going off campus, even if it's just for a few hours. "You know as well as I do that you are the only one for me."

Quinn blinks at her. "So, then, let me show you," she says. "I'll pick you up from your bedroom at seven o'clock."

"Are you asking or telling?" Rachel asks, still not convinced.

Quinn doesn't get the chance to respond, because there's a knock on her door. There's a slight pause, and then the door opens and Kurt pops his head in. If he picks up on the lingering tension between them, he doesn't mention it.

Instead, he asks, "Ready to go?" of Quinn, and she nods.

Quinn grabs her bank card, which mercifully has gone untouched by her parents, and moves towards the door, pausing just long enough to kiss Rachel's cheek. "I'll see you at seven," she says. Then: "I love you."

Then she's gone, and Rachel feels her anxiety rise with every second she's out of sight.

She doesn't even feel guilty when she pulls out her phone.

It's the only way she knows how to cope.