A huge thank you to the lovely reviews, I've never been so proud to depress people! :D Sorry to tell you that it gets worse before it gets better. The next chapter is the funeral and after that the fall out kicks off...what...don't tell me you thought that THIS was the fall out? Oh no my friends, it gets much worse than this... :D Please review, I know I've been fairly appalling at updating as of late but if you leave a nice review I promise to try and update sooner in the future. That's right. I'm using bribery.

Chestnuts roasting on an open fire…Jack Frost nipping at your nose…

Allie padded down the stair case, frowning to herself as the Christmas carol blared through the house. The wooden floor boards were cool against her bare feet, her pyjamas doing little to ward off the chill that was wafting about the large foyer.

Following the music, she ended up in the living room, reaching up to push some hair out of her eyes as she closed the door behind her and took in the open fire in front of her, the flames licking the old brick deliciously and filling the room with an oaky warmth that made her feel like a child again.

"Oi, stranger, you're late."

The voice made her jump and she turned, her mouth falling open when she spotted Lara sat on the sofa in her own pyjamas, a huge mug of coffee in her hands.

"Lara?" she whispered, her heart rate quickening.

What the hell was going on? Lara was dead. Despite the queasy feeling she got in her stomach as the words sunk in, Allie forced herself to repeat them.

Lara's dead. Lara's dead. Lara's dead.

"It's already midnight," Lara rolled her eyes. "We've got all of an hour left before Pete stumbles in from the Abbey wanting a drunken shag, you really wanna spend time firing questions at me there blondie?"

Allie grinned and shook her head, diving onto the sofa next to her and reaching for some wrapping paper.

"What am I supposed to wrap?" she frowned. "Where're all the presents?"

"I'm so sorry Allie-Cat," Lara told her quietly. "I should have called you, it's not your fault you're late,"

"What?" Allie looked at her in confusion, struggling to grasp what the hell was going on. "What are you…?"

"It's not your fault, Allie," Lara took her head in her hands and met her gaze. "I mean it, ok? It's not your fault,"

She repeated the phrase even as she pulled the blonde into a tight hug allowing Allie to revel in the warmth of her body, in the beat of her heart.

Gently stroking her hair, Allie's eyes snapped open when she felt something wet on her hands.

Lifting her hand up, she gasped seeing it was covered in blood, blood that was now pouring down Lara's back and pooling in the sofa.

"Oh my God," Allie whispered, her stomach clenching when Lara suddenly went slack against her, the sharp snap of her neck as it lulled to one side making Allie scream as she fought relentlessly to push the body off of her.

"Help me!" she screamed, shoving the corpse as hard as she could. "Lara, stop it! Stop it!"

Allie gasped, sitting up in bed a little too quickly given her condition and panted, sweat rolling down her forehead as she clutched her chest tightly.

It was a dream. Just a dream.

"Mummy?"

Allie gasped again, turning and seeing Poppy staring at her, her bright blue eyes wide as she stood next to the bed.

"You were yelling," she murmured.

"I was," Allie whispered. "I was just…oh God," she closed her eyes for a long moment and shook her head. "Mummy's ok, baby. It was just a bad dream, that's all,"

A bead of sweat dripped off of her forehead, mingling with the tears she had shed in her sleep. Licking her lips, she tasted the saltiness of them and grimaced before turning back to Poppy and holding out her hand.

"Honey, its ok," she assured her. "I'm fine, see?"

Poppy stared at her, her blue eyes wide they shifted back and forth between her mother's eyes and her outstretched hand.

With a small nod, she tucked a stray curl behind her ear and promptly ran out of the room, her teddy bear dangling by her side and skimming the floor as she went.

"Shit," Allie hissed, falling back into the pillows and draping her arm over her face.

She'd scared Poppy; but then it wasn't a real surprise given she had scared herself as well. The dream had been so real, so vivid that she had to cast a glance downward and make sure Lara's blood wasn't really staining her hands.

The taste of bile made itself known in her mouth and she instinctively clasped her stomach, pleading silently for the wave of nausea to pass.

"Hey,"

Pete's voice forced her eyes open once more and she stared at him almost blankly as he stepped into the bedroom carrying two mugs and carefully balancing a plate of biscuits on his arm.

Having only been out of hospital for three days, Allie was still unsure of how to 'be' in the house without Lara there. It was like having to get used to life without her all over again, only this time she hadn't just moved four minutes up the road.

Pete had more than picked up on her uneasiness which was made more disturbing by the fact that bar the day he told her what had happened, he had yet to see her cry. So he did his best to make things easier for her, to try and comfort her without smothering her. But it was getting more and more difficult not to just hold onto her for dear life like he wanted to; especially now as she sat in bed, wiping the very same tears she never wanted him to see off of her face looking so lost and vulnerable that he felt his hands shaking with anger.

"I scared Poppy," Allie mumbled, tucking her hair behind her ears and grimacing when she realised the honey coloured locks were dampened with sweat.

"Nah," he smiled at her. "She's just grumpy because I wouldn't let 'er 'ave coco pops for breakfast,"

Allie wanted to smile, she wanted to laugh and roll her eyes and jump out of bed into his arms like she usually would. But she couldn't.

"How're the war wounds?" he asked, placing the cups and plate carefully down on the antique dresser and coming to sit next to her one the bed.

"Ok actually," she nodded. "Same as yesterday I guess,"

"'Ere," Pete jerked his chin in the direction of her shoulder. "Lemme 'ave a look,"

Allie swallowed hard and carefully picked the material of the loose fitting shirt Pete had given her to wear off of her shoulder. The heavily bruised skin underneath came into view but it was only when he spotted the stitches that Pete's stomach churned.

The doctors had had to inflate her lungs after they had collapsed during surgery and they had informed him on more than one occasion how lucky Allie had been that her body had held out the way it did.

The thought made him shudder and he forced his mind away from that dark place, instead focusing on what was in front of him.

"D'you want some painkillers or somethin'?" he asked her.

"No," Allie mumbled, pulling the material back up and clumsily fastening the buttons.

Despite his annoyance, Pete understood where she was coming from; he had been the same after his accident all those years ago. The pain aspect of the recovery process was almost comforting in the fact that you could focus on it and be reminded that no matter how bad it was, at least it meant you were alive.

"What time is it?" she asked, squinting at the clock.

"About three," Pete shrugged. "Lily isn't here yet so I figured I'd let you sleep longer."

At the mention of Lara's mother, Allie froze and stared at him, her emerald eyes wide with terror. Allie had grown up around Lily, she had been the one to take her and Lara to the park the day after Allie's mum's funeral, the one to give her 'The Talk' on boys. Why was the thought of seeing her now so daunting?

Maybe because her daughter's dead and you know that in some weird way she'll hold you responsible, her mind answered smugly. Remember…the exact same way your brother did?

Thinking of Harry and the things he had said to her last week, Allie felt her throat tighten and steeled herself, not wanting to lose it here with Pete staring at her as though she was about to break.

"I'll get up," Allie pushed the covers down revealing her legs which were as bruised as the rest of her body.

Pete instantly reached out and ran his hand comfortingly along the skin, the gentleness of his touch making her eyes flutter shut for a moment.

"Come on," he told her, wrapping an arm around her waist and hoisting her up. "I'll help,"

Allie grimaced as he held her, feeling sickened that she wasn't even able to dress herself without help now. She knew it would pass, that one day the accident would be nothing more to her than a few scars and shattered memories but as it stood in that moment, the accident was ruling her life.

Pete dressed her quickly, his big hands covering the expanse of her back as he slipped a loose fitting gray sweater over her head. Smoothing it over her, he met her eyes and saw the tears there, the utter sorrow and the pure desperation.

"Allie," he breathed, cupping her face in his hands. "Baby, please just…talk to me, alright?"

For a moment she just stared at him, the tears still threatening to fall but then a knock on the door interrupted whatever she had been about to say. Pete's head snapped around to glare at the intruder and but his fierce gaze softened when he came face to face with a set of brown eyes so akin to the ones he and everyone else had just lost that he was unable to do anything but stare.

"Sorry," Lily Knight smiled weakly, her sandy coloured hair which was stark contrast to her late daughters falling out of the loose bun it had been pulled into.

"Poppy's a bit upset," she bit her lip. "I thought one of you…"

"I got it," Pete nodded, looking at Allie and wanting to scream at her when he saw the guilt on her face. How many times would he have to tell her that this wasn't her fault?

Releasing his wife, Pete shifted nervously out of the room, his feet scuffing along the carpet as he breezed past Lily and gently touched her shoulder, not knowing the woman well enough to pull her into a hug.

Lily smiled at the handsome young man and then averted her gaze to the broken blonde in front of her. Allie Harding or Dunham as it had become in recent years had always been a girl of almost unfeasible beauty. From the moment Lily had first laid eyes on her as a slightly chubby 6 year old prancing about in a tutu, she had known that Allie Harding was something special.

Much like Lara she was more than just 'pretty' or 'gorgeous'; she was stunning.

Yet the skinny, bruised and lost looking girl in front of her in that moment was a stranger.

"Do I get a hug?" Lily asked. "Or are you going to play the cripple card on me?"

Allie felt a laugh bubble up in her throat, more than aware that had Lara been here, she would have said the same thing.

Hobbling over to the older woman, Allie raised her arms, ignoring the searing pain in them and throwing them around her neck, hugging her as tightly as her exhausted body would allow.

Lily hugged her back just as tightly, the kind of hug that only a mother could give. The same hug that she would bestow on Lara and Allie if they had nightmares during a sleepover when they were little.

Growing accustomed to the warmth and security of the embrace, Allie closed her eyes and tried to pretend that this was all just another nightmare than Lily was rescuing her from.

However when she opened her eyes a few moments later, she found that the same pain still swept through her body, she didn't have to call out to know that Lara was gone and what was worse as that Allie Dunham was very much awake.

"I've done as much as I can," Lily sighed, sipping her earl gray thoughtfully as she stared out of the large bay windows lining Allie and Pete's kitchen.

Old paint pots filled with brushed and brightly coloured water sat amongst unopened post and wilting flowers as though trying to remind them all that once upon a time, things had been normal in this house.

"I just…" she bit her lip and looked at Allie who was staring back at her with her green eyes wide, almost manically focused. "No mother wants to admit that they never spend enough time with their child but at times like this…" she felt her throat tighten but steeled herself against it. "You know what she'd want…music is the only thing I can't quite think of…that and…"

Allie stiffened as the old woman paused.

"What?" she prompted.

"I think she would want you to…say something,"

Allie closed her eyes and struggled to breathe; the idea of standing up in a church next to Lara's coffin and waffling on about how 'nice' she had been made her feel physically sick.

"I don't know…" she whispered.

"Allie," Lily reached across the table and took her hand. "Sweetheart, please?"

Allie looked at her for a long moment, her mouth going dry and leaving her with no alternative but to nod mutely.

"Thank you," Lily smiled weakly. "I know she would have wanted you more than anyone else…I mean, you were her…"

Tears welled up in the old woman's eyes and began to trickle down her pale face.

"You meant so much to her, Allie," Lily sobbed. "I know how much she loved you darling and I know how much it would hurt her to see you like this now,"

"I'm fine," Allie shook her head.

Lily looked at her sadly and reached out, brushing her hair out of her face.

"Please don't shut this out, Allie," she pleaded. "Don't make yourself forget her, just to ease the pain."

Allie's eyes began to sting and she stood up so quickly she very nearly tipped her cup of tea over.

"I should go check on Alex," she mumbled. "He might be hungry,"

"Yes," Lily nodded. "Ok, you so that and I might…" she sobbed and then shook her head as though trying to break herself out of misery. "I thought I might go and sit in her room for a while if you wanted to…"

"I can't," Allie shook her head. "I'm sorry…I just…I can't…"

With that she turned and ran out into the hallway leaving Lily staring at the kitchen door as it swung shut, for the first time understanding that Allie Dunham wasn't shutting the grief out.

She was doing her best to keep it in.

It was two days later and with only one day to go until Lara's funeral that Allie found herself staring into the bathroom mirror trying to suss out who the hell was looking back at her.

Fast, light footsteps pounded past the door and she knew without looking that Poppy was more than likely running about in her pyjamas playing hide and seek with Pete or whatever game he had concocted up tonight to make her go to bed.

Splashing some cold water on her face, Allie took a deep breath and smoothed her hair back from her face, frowning at the black circles underneath both her eyes.

"I look like shit," she muttered, shaking her head and reaching for her moisturiser.

Suddenly an all too familiar noise rang out in the hall and she froze, her eyes locking onto their reflection in the mirror.

Last year for her birthday, Poppy had given Lara a wind chime shaped like a pig that despite its ugliness, the red head had dutifully hung on the back of her door, consequently sounding like an ice cream truck whenever she left or entered her room.

The bell sounded again and Allie practically threw herself out into the hallway, her hair flying into her eyes as she made her way down the corridor.

Lara's bedroom door was half open, a faint light coming from inside and making Allie's breath catch.

Without thinking or taking her fear into account, Allie shoved it the rest of the way open, her body seething with anger when she saw her daughter sitting at Lara's antique Victorian vanity table, playing with her lipsticks.

"Poppy!" she shouted.

Instantly the tiny blonde dropped what she was holding and turned to face her mother who despite her tiredness looked ready to kill.

"What the hell are you doing in here?" Allie shouted at her.

"Auntie Lara always lets me play with her make up," Poppy shook her head. "I just wanted to…"

"Auntie Lara isn't here." Allie snapped. "And you do not go into this room anymore without asking me first do you understand?"

"Mummy, I just wanted…"

"Out!" Allie shouted, grabbing her arm and dragging her into the hallway.

"Mummy!" Poppy sobbed, her bottom lip trembling. "Stop it,"

"Allie?" Pete frowned as he exited the bathroom, wiping the excess moisture off of his head with the towel over his shoulder. "What's going on?"

The eyes drifted back and forth between Allie and Poppy who were staring each other down defiantly.

"You're not to go in there, do you understand me?" she snapped at her daughter, ignoring Pete for the time being.

"I said I was sorry…" Poppy sobbed, using her free hand to wipe her tears away messily.

"Allie, let 'er go." Pete frowned. "She knows she'd done wrong, alright?"

"No," Allie shouted. "It's not alright, what the hell were you doing letting her go in there?"

"I didn't let 'er do anything," Pete shot back. "I was in the shower and I left 'er playing in 'er room, its not a big deal alright?"

"Not a big deal?" Allie glared at him with so much anger he fought the urge to physically back away from her. "What if she'd broken something? Its not her room to go into, Pete."

"I just wanted to play with Auntie Lara's make up," Poppy mumbled. "Like we used to before,"

"That's enough," Allie hissed at her. "Go to your room, now."

Poppy looked at Pete who opened his mouth to say something when Allie got there first.

"I said now, Poppy," she screeched, forcing another sob out of her daughter before she took off down the hall, her blonde curls fanning out behind her as she sped down to her room and slammed the door.

A few minutes of silence passed in the hallway as Pete stared at her in horror, trying to push down some of his anger as he knew that getting into a fight with her right now was just about the dumbest thing he could do.

"What the fuck was that about?" he asked her, shaking his head slowly.

"She shouldn't be in Lara's room," Allie explained, closing the door firmly and not letting her hand linger on the door nob for a split second longer than it needed to. "This house isn't a fucking playground, why can't anyone see that?"

"Maybe it's because the only thing I see at the moment is you losing the fucking plot," he hissed at her. "Allie what the fuck is wrong with you? I leave you alone for ten minutes and I come out the shower to find you screaming at Poppy?"

"We're not talking about this," Allie shook her head. "Just keep her out of that room."

With that she turned on her heel and began walking back down towards her bedroom as fast as her bruised legs would take her. She ignored the pain and picked up her pace, especially when she heard Pete's footsteps following her.

He was too fast for her though and just as she was about to enter the room, his strong muscular arm slammed against the doorframe in front of her, effectively blocking her path.

"We've done it your way for the past two weeks, how about we try it my way for a change?" Pete met her eyes and dared her to look away. "I'm done letting you walk away whenever you feel like it, Allie. We're dealing with this and we're dealing with it now,"

"Dealing with it?" she looked at him in disbelief. "And how do you suppose we do that, Pete?"

"Fuck," he whispered, rubbing his forehead tiredly. "Why are you doing this to me?"

"Doing what?" she asked him in faint disgust.

"Shutting me out!" he shouted. "Fucking hell, Allie I'm not a complete emotional retard, y'know? I get how much this is hurting you and I ain't expecting you to just…get over it or nothin' but…"

"But what?" Allie shrugged. "Come on, Pete. Hit me with those pearls of wisdom you're obviously so desperate to share."

"You wanna play the wise arse?" Pete shook his head. "You want to hear the truth, fine." He shoved her back against he wall and got in her face, making sure she had no escape.

"Do you fuckin' realise that you 'aven't picked Alex up since it happened?" he shouted at her. "Do you realise that it's been me who's put Poppy to bed every night? She's wonderin' what the fuck is goin' on with her mum, Allie and I'm starting to run outta excuses,"

"Lara's dead, Pete," She screamed back. "My best friend, my sister is dead and you expect me to just…go back to normal?"

"No," Pete rubbed the back of his neck. "I just want you to realise that you're a mum now, you don't get to do this."

"Do what?" she shouted.

"This!" Pete gestured to her and laughed bitterly. "Look at the fuckin' state of ya! We've got a son and a daughter now…I know how much pain you're in, babe alright? I really do, but you can't expect to be this selfish,"

"Selfish?" she whispered. "How the fuck am I being selfish?"

"You ain't the only one who lost someone, Allie!" Pete shouted, his voice cracking. "Harry lost his girlfriend, I lost one of the best mates I've ever 'ad but you've not once asked me how I am," he slammed his fist against the wall and felt tears sting his eyes. "The other morning I found a voicemail she'd left on my phone a few weeks back, it was just 'er ranting on as usual about me getting your Christmas present sorted and listening to it fucking ripped me to shreds. But I just 'ad to swallow it down because I'm too worried about you to think about what I've lost."

He looked at her seriously.

"We all lost someone that day, Allie," he whispered. "So why are you acting like you're the only one with the right to grieve?"

"I'm not making out that this is worse for me than it is for anyone else," she shoved his chest hard, barely making him move an inch in her weakened state.

"I know you're upset about what Harry said…" Pete brushed her arm gently.

"You don't know jack shit about what Harry said," Allie hissed violently slapping his hand away. "Don't you dare bring that up with me,"

"Why aren't you letting me help?" Pete demanded. "Why are you shutting me out? I'm meant to be the one fucking person that you can actually let go in front of…I mean…Allie…I just…."

He sighed and cupped her face in his hands, feeling slightly buoyed when she didn't pull away.

"I need someone right now n' all." He whispered.

Allie looked up at him, his blue eyes so wide and open, so innocent and pleading that she felt her heart break all over again.

The feeling was short lived though, instead replaced by surprise when his lips swept over hers, showing no mercy as his tongue invaded her mouth, his hands finding her hips and holding her tightly.

Having been here before with Pete, Allie already knew what would happen. Unable to help her any other way, he would rely on the physical aspect of their relationship; he would make love to her, bring her to the point of ecstasy over and over again until her body gave out and allowed her mind a few hours of peace.

He needed it right now as much as she did but at the same time, she couldn't bring herself to go there; to give herself up to him so completely took more than she had in her right at that moment.

"Pete," she gasped against his mouth as his hand slid down her thigh, lower and lower until he reached the buttons on her jeans. "Stop…" she pushed him back and quickly stepped out from the gap in between him and the wall, pressing her fingers to her still kiss swollen lips as she did so.

Pete fought the urge to growl in frustration as he let his forehead rest against the wall, his heart pounding in his ears as he listened to her pace the floor boards nervously.

"I'm sorry…" she told him eventually. "I just…fuck, I don't know what I'm doing but I can't…I can't be with you like that, not now I just…I need…"

"And what about what I need, Allie?" he asked her, turning his head and staring at her furiously. "What about Poppy and Alex? What about Benjamin and Harry? What about everyone else whose suffering right now, what happens to us or do we just not matter?"

"I'm sorry." She told him again, her voice shaking as she stepped around him and made her way back down the hall.

"I've lost Lara," Pete called to her and she stopped dead but failed to turn back around. "I've lost one of my best mates but right now the only thing that's scaring me is that for some reason, I feel like I'm losing you."

He stared at her as she stood with her back to him, her shoulders rising and falling rapidly, hinting that she was trying desperately to get her breathing under control.

"Allie?" he called again, his voice breaking with emotion.

"I should go and see Poppy," she told him over her shoulder. "Say sorry and make sure she's ok,"

Pete closed his eyes as his heart seemingly ripped in half; he needed her so badly. Not even in the physical sense but just to do what Allie always did: to be his best friend. To sit with him, to let him hold her hand and look after her.

But she wouldn't and the worst part was he had no idea why.

He watched her as she made her way down to Poppy's room, his chest tightening as he watched her pace pick up distinctly as she passed Lara's room, almost as though she couldn't bear to be near anything that reminded her of her.

So it was with a heavy sigh that Pete walked over to the closet and pulled out his suit, fresh from the dry cleaners and lay it gently across the bed, his stomach churning at the thought of putting it on tomorrow.

Because that meant it was a little more real.

Shaking the thoughts from his head, he turned on his iPod stereo and sighed with relief as the sounds of the Zutons poured out, temporarily ridding his mind of some of its darkness as it unbeknownst to him drowned out the noise of his wife crying as she leant against Lara's door and wept for all she was worth.

Hardly the feel good chapter of the year I know but even if it depressed you to hell, I'd still quite like a review. :) Thanks guys!

xxx