Author's Notes: Nope, you're not dreaming. It really is another chapter after about 3 ½ weeks when my average has been around 5 ½. That is partly due to my new beta-reader, Enact, who's been brainstorming ideas with me and motivating me to get the works out faster. So, here it is. And some of the credit definitely goes to Enact for this one, for ideas and proofreading and polish. So, thanks.
And huge thanks all around to my readers, whether you all reviewed, faved or alerted, or just read through and like the work thus far. You guys are all awesome.
Hanakotoba is the Japanese 'language of flowers', for those whose everyday vocabulary doesn't include it.
Standard disclaimers apply. I don't own Persona 4, am not making money off it, on and on. Now, go forth and enjoy.
Chapter 17
Ruddy clouds edged in violet greeted the sun as it rose, curving the light into ribbons and streamers of bright gold. The morning below was cool, with dew from the evening's rain still clinging to the turning leaves of the maples and cherry trees around the Amagi Inn. Their smell was carried on a calm breeze under the cleaned windows and ancient hewn beams and boards. Along the walls and down the walkways and around corners like children playing tag until it reached and passed a particular window. And the young woman behind that window stirred beneath the quilts, pulled out of sleep long enough to look at her alarm clock before rolling back over to try and catch the fleeing threads of her dream. But no matter how nice a dream it was, and how much she enjoyed Souji's particular scent or the feel of his hands, so real they made her shiver, there was also the sounds of footsteps of the staff hard at work and the smell of miso soup wafting from the kitchen. And she knew that when the soup was being made, it was time to get up for school. With a sigh as her dream, such a nice dream, faded from around her, she pulled back her quilts and pushed herself up.
She stepped out of her short sleeping yukata and hung it on the nearby peg, then slipped out of her customary drawstring shorts and t-shirt before getting dressed for school. Underwear, stockings, shirt, skirt, it all went on in easy routine. Then she looked at her mirror, seeing the impossible-to-ignore smile that dreams of Souji had spread across her face, and brushed her hair until it shone in the low light of the morning. He always had liked her hair. So had she, and tending to it was a pleasure first thing in the morning. Finally, she grabbed and set her barrette and pulled on her cardigan before turning to the door and grabbing her book bag, slipping into the hallway as quietly as she could.
Yukiko stopped at one of the corridor intersections and looked down at one of the indoor Zen gardens the staff tended to so carefully. She found the swirls and curves of the crushed rocks and the sharp faces of the boulder as calming now as she had found them fascinating as a child. Mother told her that when she was sick or cranky as a child, they could always bring her to the gardens and she would immediately calm down, staring at the tended rocks for hours on end. It even got to the point that she'd creep out of her room at night and the next morning they'd find her asleep against the railings surrounding the gardens, out like a light. There were even times, before she could remember, that she had slipped into the Zen gardens to get a closer look at the designs or touch the black boulder in the middle. Her parents had encouraged her curiosity and fascination, but the Inn workers politely encouraged her to stay out of them – raking the rocks in just such a way was time consuming. Yukiko chuckled to herself. The gardens had always put her at ease and made her connect with the Inn better than she had years ago. It was more than a building – it was a labour of love combined with something inexplicable that her family had always been a part of, right from the first plans and ideas. And that feeling hadn't changed in all the generation leading up to her.
This was more than where she lived: this place was home for her. And after coming to terms with that, it had never felt so good to say it, to herself or out loud. She smiled as she continued down the hall; she had Souji to thank for that.
She considered bypassing the hall where her parents' room was, but thought a "Good morning" when they'd all been so busy would be appropriate. She slipped quietly down the hall and was about to call to them when she glanced through the open door to their room. And the words died in her chest while she covered her smile.
Her parents were resting together on the opposite side of the room, and if not for the faint stream of ambient music from an unseen stereo, piano and flutes and synthesizers, she would have thought they were asleep. Her father, wearing a simple brown sleeping yukata, was sitting against the door frame, eyes closed and looking remarkably peaceful and happy despite how much he chewed Souji out when he'd visited months before. And Mother, clad in burgundy, sat next to him, leaning against her husband with a similar expression of happy serenity across her classical features. His arms were gently wrapped around her stomach, and her hands linked with his. They were each off in their own world, and they were traveling there together.
Yukiko let herself enjoy the scene for a moment before the needs of the day took over. She quietly padded past the open door and through the kitchen to grab her breakfast and lunch, greeting all the employees she came across, before heading toward the main foray, where Kasai was carrying an oddly-shaped package in from the front door.
"Good morning. Did that just arrive?"
The older employee turned her eyes up at the sound of her voice. "Ah, Yukiko-chan. Good morning. Yes, just now."
Kasai set the package on the front desk of the Inn and carefully unwrapped it, immediately humming in pleasant surprise when she saw its contents. Yukiko, on her way toward the door, stopped long enough to look over the older woman's shoulder to see what caused the reaction.
It was a bouquet of flowers, and despite ordering and collecting bouquets for different occasions since she could walk down the street by herself, it was one of the most colourful arrangements she had ever seen. A cluster of white anemones on one side, pink and red roses on the other. A large cluster surrounding the centre consisted of pansies, zinnias, yellow camellias, sakura flowers and, of all things, several chains of bluebells. And in the middle was a ring of forget-me-nots, two rows deep, surrounding a centre of lotus blooms. The scent of the arrangement was gentle yet strong, noticeable and distinct in a way that flowed through her like water. And despite not seeing any other flowers, Yukiko caught the distinct scent of lavender in the air before she told Kasai "Sorry, I have to get going. They are lovely though, could you make sure they get into some water?"
"Of course, dear. Have a good day."
Yukiko grabbed her book bag and purse before turning to make for the door, and she had just closed it when, unseen, Kasai opened the letter accompanying the bouquet and turned to her, too late to call her back.
Yukiko took the morning bus, as always, to the shopping district and began to walk the rest of the way. Normally she'd meet Chie on the way, but had already received a text saying the brunette was running behind, and so she continued on alone. But her solitude was broken when she turned the corner of an intersection and ran into Kanji, who was fighting with his book bag and jacket and breakfast still lodged in his mouth.
"Oh, good morning Kanji-kun."
He finally wrestled his jacket into place before freeing his mouth. "Mornin', Yukiko-senpai. How's things?"
"Well enough. The Inn's busy, but nothing we can't handle. How are you doing?"
His expression was a mix of embarrassment and pride. Far more of the latter than the former, if his wide grin was an indication. "Ah, not bad. Those dolls and keychain plushies're goin' over good with the kids. Ma's even talking to her regulars, seein' if they got any special requests I can work on."
It felt good to see her old friend so enthusiastic about his work. "Sounds like you're enjoying yourself."
"Yeah, it's gettin' good. Even got some new ideas for-" his expression suddenly grew tense and his fists clenched shut. He'd glanced over her shoulder and suddenly froze up. "Uhhh... well, new ideas... and..."
Yukiko stopped to take a closer look at him. "Kanji-kun? Are you alright?"
"Good morning Yukiko-senpai, Kanji-kun." Yukiko turned to see Naoto, dressed in her usual school uniform and untucked shirt and police cap, standing behind her.
Yukiko bowed politely, receiving a similar bow in response. "Good morning, Naoto-kun."
Kanji seemed caught between wanting to stop and talk to her and wanting to keep walking, and in the end he executed a half turn that, while not graceful, kept him on his feet. "Uh, hey."
Naoto nodded. "It is an agreeable morning. May I join you?"
Kanji spoke before Yukiko. "Sure. No problem."
The trio continued toward Yasogami, Yukiko between the detective and the delinquent, and part of her couldn't help but look for Chie and Yosuke as well. Despite the murder mystery being solved and the fog no longer a threat, or perhaps because of that, what remained of the team still enjoyed their time together, no matter the reason. Yet when she looked to the left, her childhood friend didn't look calm or like he was having fun.
If anything, he looked like he was having a conversation with himself, lips moving without producing words and speaking too low to hear, and had been for several blocks until he stopped near the intersection leading to the school Nanako-chan went to and turned to the ladies. "Uh, hey Naoto."
They both halted and the girl in question looked up, squinting a little in the light. "Yes?"
"I was wondering if I could ask you somethin'."
A thoughtful frown adorned her face as she checked her watch. "We run the risk of being late for school."
"It wouldn't take too long," he assured her quickly.
"Very well. What can I do for you?" she asked after a moment's consideration.
"W-well, y'know, you an' me- an' all of us- worked pretty good together dealin' with the Shadows an' Adachi, y'know?"
Naoto looked confused by the shift in topic, and Yukiko couldn't help wondering what Kanji was trying to do. "That's correct. We did work well together back then," Naoto acceded, trying to put his words together. "And we've all become good friends because of it, no?"
He looked relieved to have found an in, or at least that she put to words so well what he couldn't. "Yeah, we are. Friends. And, I was wonderin', y'know, as friends, if we could-"
"Hey, Mister!" Yukiko turned to see the child that had become such a common patron of Tatsumi Textiles running toward them and waving happily. Several other children had followed him, and they all looked hopeful. "Do you have a minute, Mister?"
Kanji glanced at Yukiko and Naoto, both of whom were looking at him curiously, and scratched the back of his head. "Uh, I dunno. I'm gonna be late for school at this rate."
The irony wasn't lost on Yukiko, and she had to hide her chuckles. Naoto watched the exchange with a curious tilt to her head.
"It'll be short, I promise!" the boy assured them. "Some friends of mine were wondering about the dolls and stuff that you make, and they wanted some for themselves."
"Yeah," one of the children added, "we heard you can make anything. Like Featherman R! So could you, Mister?"
Kanji looked stunned by the attention, or perhaps it was the timing, but growled to himself when he got under control. "Quit callin' me that. I ain't that old."
"So you can? Could you make me one?"
"Me too!" another called from the group.
"Is this a common occurrence, Yukiko-senpai?" Naoto asked, watching the scene curiously.
"It seems so," Yukiko replied, looking on as Kanji quickly scrawled notes in his school books and double-checked the information, breaking from the children once or twice to look at the girls like he was afraid they'd kept going without him. "Souji said the children love the pieces he makes. Nanako-chan has mentioned them as well. He's become quite popular with them."
The sleuth watched for a moment longer, then turned to continue to school. Kanji looked after her, torn by indecision, until Yukiko steeped up to the group. "We have to get to school, otherwise Kanji-kun will be in trouble." She staved off the protests of the children with an upraised hand. "You can come with us to the gates and Kanji-kun can make sure he has everything down, alright? But we will need to get moving." The children cheered and began to work into a line as they moved, slowly but surely, toward Yasogami. Kanji gave her a grateful look, and it was clear that he wanted to get through the requests as fast as he could so he could catch up to their pint-sized detective.
Unfortunately for Kanji, they didn't, and the little escort followed them right up to the gates of Yasogami. By the time he'd taken down their names and requests and shooed them off, Naoto was already at the front door. Kanji closed his notebook and looked after her, then grunted in annoyance and rubbed the back of his head.
"What were you going to tell her, Kanji-kun?" Yukiko asked, stopping with him to talk.
"I was... was thinkin' of somethin' Senpai told me," he admitted, not looking at her or the school doors, itching and twitching with unspent energy. "Thought... well, never mind."
He looked nervous. Not in the flushed, defensive way that Yosuke-kun was so good at provoking, but closer to about-to-try-something-incredibly-stupid nervousness, and it stopped her in place for a moment. "Did you want me to find her for you? Or pass on a message?"
"Ah... nah. Thanks Yukiko-senpai, but it'd be better if I asked myself."
"If you're sure..."
"Hey, Yukiko! Kanji!" They both turned to see Chie barrelling towards them at full tilt from the road and not even breathing hard. "What's up? We waiting for Yosuke or something?"
Kanji replied first, shouldering his book bag and clearing his throat. "Nah, nothin' like that. But I gotta get to class, so I'll see you guys later." He continued on toward the door himself, pushing past students who didn't get out of the way fast enough.
"Good luck, Kanji-kun," Yukiko called after him. She got a waved hand in response, but nothing else.
Chie perked up, stepping up to her friend curiously. "Hm? Good luck with what?"
But Yukiko shook her head. Maybe Souji knew more about this than she did, and yet it was hard to shake the feeling that she'd missed something. "I'm not sure," was her response as the morning bell rang and they made their way up to class.
Classes went by in a breeze of talk and discussion and lectures, questions answered right or wrong and Ms. Kashiwagi moving sporadically between telling them to start getting ready for exams and making sharps assertions that Rise was never coming back. The words alone had seemed innocuous, but her insistence that mature fruit was more worth the effort to pick only silenced the class like Mr. Morooka's curses never could. Once she felt her point had been made, the lecture continued, but the enthusiasm and spark had gone out of half the class in a strained silence or fervently methodical attention to detail. And everyone seemed to look to the front of the class only as long as it took to take notes.
Lunch came and most of the class vacated the room like children running for a specialty taiyaki truck in the winter. Yukiko pulled her bento out of her book bag, complete with the wrapped pair of ivory chopsticks Souji had bought her on one of their trips to Okina city. The memory of that day still made her smile, and the vacancy behind her stung a little less. She'd call him tonight. It had been a while since they'd spoken, and maybe he knew something about Kanji. Not only that, but he hadn't sounded well last time they'd talked.
"Hey Yukiko!" She looked up to see Chie brandishing a small wrapped box, a grin on her face that wouldn't have been out of place on the ship's cat of a tuna boat. "Package for you, special delivery! Had to sign for it and everything!"
Yukiko cocked her head to one side. Perhaps it had something to do with the package that morning? She set aside her food and chopsticks and took the box, too light to hold food and too small for a book, from her friend and carefully unwrapped it. "Special delivery? How'd you get it then? And who's it from?"
Chie took her seat and leaned over, gesturing impatiently. "Don't sweat the small stuff. That was nothing. Looks like it's from Souji. So hurry up and open it!"
The room went quiet around her, and the eyes of what remained of the class prickled her skin like needles. She didn't notice. Her heart had tripped over itself, knowing that Souji had taken the time to send something to her. And even with it fitting in the palm of her hand, it couldn't have been cheap. The shipping costs from Kofu to Inaba must have been substantial.
"Well?" Chie prodded, eyes bright with curiosity and mischief. "C'mon."
"Yes," Yukiko murmured, taking in the dark wood of the box and the carved sakura branches along the edges and corners. She slipped a nail between the edges and broke the seal, opening the box reverently. Sitting there, framed by crimson velvet and dark wood-
-was a torn-off scrap of folded paper, propped up and perfectly steady despite looking like it was about to fall over. Yukiko frowned a little – the paper was lined, and she could see creases from writing across the surface, despite what writing she could see not following the imprints at all. It was like it had been torn from a notebook.
She hadn't been expecting a gold-edged letter, but a corner scrap ripped from his school notes?
Then she heard a faint clink from behind the paper, and reached over to lift it up. And her doubts vanished when she saw a pair of polished, silver fan-shaped earrings, red and green beads tied to the bottoms. A variety of kanji characters were inscribed on the fan folds, and she couldn't help the smile that raised the edges of her mouth. Still holding the box in one hand, she unfolded the paper with the other and carefully read the sloped, flowing script so characteristic of Souji's calligraphy.
Hi Yukiko
I nearly tore the library apart trying to write this, but a friend said I should just be honest. So, that's what I'm trying. Let me know if it works, okay?
I saw these on a shopping trip with Rise and some of the guys on the basketball team, and I thought these would suit you, especially in your pink kimono. Hopefully the flowers made it there this morning.
Every line of poetry I could find seemed so trite and cheap for this, so in the spirit of being honest, I thought these would say how much you mean to me. I miss you a lot, and I haven't forgotten anything from Inaba. The ups and downs, the trips to school and by the river, the fireworks at the festival, everything I got to see there and it was better because I could share it with you. And I want you to remember that – you're still the most important person in my life.
Remember that day at the shrine? I've never been so nervous. Not before then or since. And yet that was the best decision I've ever made.
I still 'really like you'. No matter what.
All my best. Happy anniversary, Yukiko.
Seta Souji
Whatever pang of loneliness she'd felt up to that point from missing him dissolved in the flood of happiness that rose in her heart at his words. She could hear his calm voice, soothing as a lullaby, as if he was sitting right next to her and couldn't help the blush that warmed her cheeks or the free, silly smile that crossed her lips. She moved the note to the side and looked at the earrings again, and felt that they matched her boyfriend's eyes and hair perfectly. Her boyfriend. It still felt strange and wonderful to think that, and he'd brushed away any of her doubts or concerns with a single letter. While he, her boyfriend, was on the other side of the country. And that didn't seem all that far away now.
Yukiko's smile lured Chie closer, trying to look at the contents of the box, and then at the note when Yukiko pulled the box in for a closer look. Yukiko's thumb covered the first half, but Chie caught the end of Souji's writing and perked up in an instant. Pointedly staring around the room to get people back to what they were doing, she leaned in closely and excitedly whispered "What anniversary?"
Yukiko started in her seat, looking at her oldest friend in surprise, with a very telling blush across her face.
Because I really like you, Yukiko.
"It's... uh, that's..." She floundered, completely off balance and searching for the words.
Chie saw her plight and kept up the stern curiosity for a moment longer before giving a long-suffering sigh. "Alright, alright. Not here. But I want some details later, okay?"
"Uh, right. It's a little... I guess, if you want to know," she replied finally.
"Good! Now let me see! Those're beautiful, and they look expensive!"
Classes were over before Yukiko even noticed they'd started again. Chie's perpetual grin and meaningful looks to her book bag where she'd stashed Souji's gift were her companions through what parts of the school day she did remember. Yukiko had been given enough time to collect her things and take three steps out the school doors; Chie was waiting on the fourth, giving Yukiko an expectant 'Well? Come on!' look that she knew from their childhood together. But Chie was satisfied with the short, mostly-concise explanation that the anniversary in question was when Yukiko and Souji had started going out. Telling some of the details had left Yukiko blushing, but Chie didn't push for more. All she did say when the story was over was "Souji can be a real sap, huh?" Then she shrugged with a smile. "Still, that's really sweet of him. I don't think Yosuke would remember an anniversary, or put that much effort into it."
They chatted on their way home, about classes and upcoming exams, where they were planning of going to university and what studies to pursue. Chie affirmed her desire to become a police officer and had badgered Souji until he'd put in a good word for her with Dojima. The grizzled detective had been hard to convince, and was still skeptical of her resolve. That he'd apparently told Souji as much had made Chie a little edgy, but hearing the man say it personally steeled her resolve. Even after he told her how much school work and studying went into being a uniformed officer. Their conversation died when Chie got a call from her parents and had to run the rest of the way home, leaving Yukiko in the shopping district. She had some time, so she pulled Souji's gift out and opened the box again.
They were so bright in the sunlight that she had to look away, but not before they sent her mind careening to the past. To the stage lights and mist-filled corridors and TV screens everywhere. Quicksilver movement from one side or the other. The flash of weapons and lightning. A Persona manifesting and tearing the room apart. But also the light of healing and protection.
And glasses for everyone on the team. They all gleamed like that in the light. Especially his. Whether it was because he regularly cleaned them before, after and during their forays into the TV world, or his mixed bag of Personas, or maybe just his fair complexion, his glasses and eyes always flashed in the light of battle.
Before and after he'd left, Yukiko had overheard the girls in class debate what Souji's best features were. Plenty said it was his smile, because he so rarely showed it with sincerity. Others said it was his voice and diction, his insight and how he respected people and gave them encouragement whenever he could. Almost all agreed his body made up the majority of the package, from his toned biceps to legs hardened from years of running, and the firm butt housed nicely in between.
Yukiko liked his hands, callused from basketball grooves and swinging a sword, but still soft from holding books. And just the right size. She liked his mouth, expressive and showing his thoughts through twitches and quirks even when he thought he was being stoic and distant. And she especially liked his eyes, how they could go from the shade of pale concrete to dark slate depending on his mood. But they were always soft when she talked to him. She blushed a little, but smiled as the thought led to another: she'd never wish Souji's vision to diminish or fail, but she couldn't deny that he looked really good with glasses.
When she looked up from the earrings, she noticed she was at the steps leading up to the shrine, and stopped to look up at the ancient structure. Gold plating and regular scrubbing from the new faithful aside, it hadn't changed much from when she had asked the question that had been nagging her for weeks. When Souji's answer was reflected in the lovely note in her hand.
The memory always made her smile, and yet it was the day before they became a couple that truly made her laugh.
She'd been waiting at the shrine for a while already, soaking in the relaxing silence. Puffy clouds drifted lazily across the sky, carried on a gentle August breeze. The smell of soil and bark and leaves surrounded her, kept her heart and mind calm. Even the sharp shafts of sunlight that hit her face through the thick canopy only added to her thoughts instead of interrupting them. There was still the matter of the Inn to consider. It had been getting harder and harder to find the motivation to leave, no matter what reasons she came up with. But Souji was meeting her soon. Maybe talking to him would help her decision. And with that she let her mind turn over the Rubik's cube that was the boy who'd occupied her attention for so long.
Where did he come from? What sorts of things had he seen? What was his family like? She'd never heard him talk about himself before he'd moved to Inaba, and it only made her wonder more. What did he like to do? Besides basketball – everyone knew about his friendship with Ichijo and Nagase. And, the discussion topic of the week at school, what sort of girl did he go for?
That one had her turning circles in her mind. He was athletic, so she was sure he'd get along with Chie. And they did, quite well if their comments in the TV world were any indication. But Chie never mentioned going further than that. And the other female athletes at school didn't seem to appeal to him, regardless of their straightforward personalities and tight frames. Maybe he liked city girls? She'd heard he was from Tokyo, and he and Yosuke had hit it off in no time at all. Was Rise-san, bubbly and bouncy, more to his taste? He'd... Hmm. Yukiko frowned. He'd helped her in school, but no more than any of the team. He'd invited her to their victory party– no, that had been Yosuke. Souji had been as supportive and welcoming to her as he'd been to Kanji, yet never went further than that.
And despite all the time she'd spent with him, from shopping at Junes and the downtown district to walking and talking along the Samegawa to fighting Shadows in the TV world, the topic had never come up. Nor did he give any indication to where his tastes lay. Sure it was a personal question, but he could have given some indication as to how he felt.
Her thoughts were cut off by the object of her musings taking the shrine steps two at a time. He already had a smile for her, and she gestured to the spot next to where she was sitting.
"I hope you haven't been waiting too long," he told her after they exchanged greetings, taking a seat next to her. At a respectful distance, of course. Souji was always respectful.
She shook her head. "It was nothing. It gave me time to think."
He looked around the shrine grounds, took in the trees and the stone walkways. He seemed fixated on a point behind her for a few moments, but when she turned to see what it was, he just shook his head. "This place does lend itself to that," he replied finally, stretching in place and looking skyward. "If you don't mind my asking, what were you thinking about?"
"The Inn, the TV world and the murders, among other things."
He gave a low hum of understanding. "You too, huh? It's understandable. But I hope it doesn't take over your concerns, Yukiko. We'll work things out as a team."
She smiled at that. "I think so too." She ran the words through her head and chose a line that seemed the most discrete. "I appreciate all the help you've given me these last few months. I know it can't be easy to find the time, with everything else you must be juggling right now."
"I don't mind it," he replied softly. "I helped you because I wanted to. And I'm always learning something with you guys. Chie and her martial arts or Yosuke and Junes or Kanji and... well, just him being Kanji. It's never boring."
There was a hitch in his tone that made her look at him closer, and she saw a soft look in his eyes that was trying to tell her something, nudge her in just the right way as to get his point across. Her lips parted to ask him-
-and she stopped as Kasai-san came running up the steps, as much as she could in her kimono, to tell her about the TV crew that'd been hounding her. And her heart skipped. No. No, not now. She was close, she knew it. The last thing she wanted was to hear that slick, oily drawl and those ridiculous ideas. But up the crew came, and hear them she did. And it was impossible to think through the frustration, the mortification, that their words brought up. The Inn into a freak show? Her a public spectacle? Worse, everything she'd known and lived by all her life broken and pointless, all to preserve a mockery of what she loved. And worst of all was that Souji was there to hear it all, to see her make that choice. What did he think of her? How did he see her? He looked angry at the man's insinuations, but that would mean hiding behind him. Relying on someone to solve her problems for her again. All she heard then was her Shadow's mocking voice. For an instant, she was surrounded by flames and those gilded bars. And she couldn't stand the thought of any of it.
There was no stopping it. She snapped. The frustration of the TV crew's constant badgering, their crude insinuations, the threats against a cornerstone of her life, the one thing she'd known since she was born, her home. And all in front of Souji-kun. It was too much, and it all came out at once. Instead of being scattered in her anger, she was focused. Concise instead of flustered. Authoritative where she might have faltered. When she was done and they'd left, she felt a clear-headedness that she hadn't felt since her time in the TV. Or even before that. She became giddy at the freedom and adrenaline thrumming through her veins, so much so she almost fell over. She had been honest – the Inn was everything to her, and to hear them disparage it like-
Oh. Oh dear. Souji-kun heard everything. She hadn't meant to say- No, she had meant to say those things. She should have said more, and sooner. But to be so brash, so forward, what did Souji-kun think of her? This was her, after all, unfiltered and honest, so did he-
He looked shocked at first. But the expression turned into a wide grin, half covered by a raised hand, and chuckles. He took a step closer to her, eyes guilelessly open and warm. "That-" He paused, collecting his words. Then he started laughing. "You were awesome."
The tension died instantly, and her giddiness started to return, warming her from the inside. "I... I was?"
He nodded. "Completely awesome. Those idiots had that coming from the starting gate."
That warm feeling grew with her smile. "You think... yeah. They did, didn't they?"
"Remind me never to make you mad," he continued, not losing his smile. She chuckled and used the opportunity to confirm what she'd thought for a while now – he was handsome when he smiled like that. Kasai had made her exit with neither teen noticing.
"You don't think I was too... I don't know, but-"
"No. That was perfect." His grin was infectious and fuelled the fierce feeling of pride and delight in her chest. Before she knew it, she was laughing, trying to explain that it was at the TV crew, but he joined in her glee and was doubled over, laughing right next to her. The sounds of their mirth filled the shrine grounds, open as the sky and as free as the birds. She needed that, more than she knew. They both recovered eventually and sat on the temple steps, though one would chuckle or laugh at the other's smile, and when the humour finally subsided, she noticed her hand had strayed to his, fingers resting across his palm, and he didn't seem inclined to change that. Neither did she.
"Thank you," she said finally, looking at him full on. "I wouldn't have said any of that when we met outside the bookstore. Seems like forever ago, doesn't it?"
He shrugged, still holding her hand. "Not really. I mean, you've changed since then, but not in a bad way."
"I'm sorry. I hope I didn't..." His smile changed, grew a little softer and more pensive, and she lost her train of thought.
"Don't. There's nothing for you to apologize for. I've enjoyed our visits together right from the start, and I was always looking forward to the next time."
She blushed at that, almost losing her words, but she pushed them out anyway. "Thank you." He didn't answer, and she realized how broad that was. "The Inn, the people there, they're everything to me. I wanted to run away before, but now I know what's important to me. And I don't want to forget that."
He nodded, seeming satisfied with her answer. "Then you're staying here?"
"Yes, I am."
"And it sounds like it's by your own choice."
"Of course."
This time he just shook his head, diminishing the growing gravity of her words into a familiar, easy languor she'd gotten so used to around him. "Then I'm glad I could help. Because you would have regretted it, and you don't need those sorts of regrets in your life."
She blushed a little, but smiled at his words. He always knew what to say in situations like these. She had to wonder why she thought he'd be quiet and unresponsive when she first met him. "Thanks for staying with me until I saw that. It means– hey."
He turned to her more, clearly amused by her suspicious stare. "Yes?"
"You thought I'd regret leaving the Inn? When did you start thinking that?" Despite her almost accusatory tone, their hands stayed together, not moving in the least despite her shift in mood.
"From the beginning," he replied calmly. "Your family, the people you grew up with, you've talked about them so many times that it was pretty clear how you felt about it. Leaving all that behind would be a huge decision, too big to make on a whim."
Yukiko wasn't prone to pouting, not even as a child. She became depressed and hid deeper in her responsibilities, or just stopped talking. But she felt like pouting now. Her shoulders sank and her head dropped a little, and her lower lip stuck out petulantly. Souji grinned, and he tried to hide it behind an upraised hand. "You didn't tell me that before? I would have listened."
He shook his head, grin subsiding into a warm smile that, some other time, would have made her squirm with butterflies. But not now. "You would have realized it on your own. You stood up to your Shadow before, and you know, far better than I do, what the Inn does and doesn't mean to you. And you hesitated when you could've just packed up and left. So I wasn't too worried."
He made sense, but his logic just made her pout deepen, and when she spoke she still sounded huffy. "You still should have told me."
He chuckled and squeezed her hand. "I had faith in you, Yukiko. That's what it came down to."
She looked over at him to see if he was lying. He sounded sincere, but she had to see first. But his easy smile and honest gaze cracked her stubborn front, and the silence for the next few minutes while they still held hands saw it disintegrate entirely as his words sank in. He believed in her. It didn't surprise her; she saw proof of it every time they assembled and went into the TV. But to hear it herself was different. She felt a blush creep up her neck, and didn't restrain the smile quivering at her lips. She'd already thanked him, and the words felt insufficient, so instead she laced her fingers with his, dismissing her inner doubts about propriety and how he felt about her, and squeezed his hand. And he squeezed back in response. They enjoyed the silence for a few minutes, then he shuffled a little closer to her, not enough to touch, but enough to catch her attention. His grin and chuckles were back. "And I have to say it again: you were pretty awesome back there."
They both broke into laughter and stayed there, holding hands, until her phone rang and they both had to leave.
She didn't get her answer. But it hadn't mattered. He'd been there with her, and that was enough.
Yukiko came back from her memories and felt her cheeks stinging from the smile on her face. Her cell phone rang, indicating she had a text, so she started walking back to the Inn. The earrings were still gleaming in the sunlight, and she thought again what a thoughtful gift they and the note were. She'd have to find some way to thank him.
She had been hoping to drop her bags off in her room, along with Souji's gift, before tending to her responsibilities. The lobby of the Inn, however, was as far as she got before she saw her parents. Her mother was looking over the flower arrangement from Souji, now in a large vase of water, with glinting eyes and wry smile firmly in place. She seemed to find something entertaining, though even Yukiko couldn't guess what. Her father, on the other hand, was pacing near the front desk while trying to not look like he was pacing. His face was dark, his stance and features rigid, and his hands were clasped behind his back as he prowled from one side of the room to the other. Yukiko knew her father didn't clench his teeth, no matter how much he might look like he did. But he did thread and clamp his fingers together when he was stressed. And now she thought she could hear his knuckles grinding together from the Inn landing. So, bracing herself for the scene before her, she removed her shoes and announced "I'm home."
Her father's glare hit, but her mother's voice, liquid laughter threading into every word, reached her first. "Ah, good afternoon. How was school?" Without waiting for a reply, she indicated the lovely floral arrangement. "Kasai says these arrived for you this morning."
Her father looked about to say something, but stayed silent. Yukiko nodded. "Souji sent them." She couldn't help but notice her father's glare intensify at her boyfriend's name.
Her mother chuckled, running her fingers over some of the stems and petals. "I see. He did his homework in sending you this. Did he mention what the occasion was?"
Hanakotoba was something Yukiko had been meaning to dedicate more of her time to, but it had kept getting pushed aside. Before it was Shadows and the murder investigation, and now it was school and preparing for university, but Yukiko found her interest in the topic both sparse and short no matter how often she told herself she was going to memorize the books she had on the subject. That still left the question to answer, however, and she hesitated before doing so. "He sent them as an anniversary present."
To his credit, her father didn't snap at her, or even turn when she spoke. Her mother laughed to herself. "That makes sense. I take it the initial event was important."
Yukiko blushed, but nodded, moving through the lobby so she'd feel less like the centre of attention. "Yes, quite important."
"Do you know if the sentiment is genuine?" her father growled, finally breaking his silence.
Yukiko felt the weight of his anger and bore it without a flinch. "I haven't spoken to him yet, but I believe so. He sent me another gift and a letter along with it, and he wouldn't do that carelessly."
"So far as you know," her father pointed out, finally turned to face his daughter. "He could be stringing you along while he's getting into trouble with that idol, Risette."
"Souji wouldn't do that," she replied, immediately without a hint of doubt in her voice. "He explained that situation, Daddy, and Rise-chan is a very bubbly, very physical person. She just likes to touch people."
Her father sighed like a steam vent, frustration clear in every move. "And that explains it? That forgives it? Yukiko, you can do better than him. He's unreliable, he's on the other side of the country, and you have no way of knowing if or when that's going to change. What about university? Will he go with you? Or will you have to wait for him even longer?"
That was something they had to talk about. "I don't know yet."
"Then he's an unnecessary risk. There are other choices, closer and more reliable who won't make spectacles of themselves for the benefit of the paparazzi."
Maybe, but none of them were Souji. They hadn't seen her, helped her, accepted her when they knew so little about her. They didn't know where her scars came from, weren't there when she got them or know what they meant. "I don't want anyone else," she replied finally, quietly but firmly. "Souji... You may not like him, Daddy, but he is important to me. And I know I'm important to him, no matter what the magazines look like or how the paparazzi spun that situation. And it's not about how close we are or how convenient it is for us to be together. He's dear to me."
Her father was not so easily convinced. "Do you know what his plans are? How stable his life is so that he'll make something of himself? Perhaps he won't go anywhere in life, and we have a reputation to uphold here."
"We haven't spoken about that, no. But we will, and we'll work around matters as they come. And he's too determined, too smart and resourceful to not make something of himself."
Ryoko was watching the entire exchange with interest, her usual half-smile still present but not reaching her eyes. Instead she was watching their daughter as close as a mother bear did her young. Katsushiro was no different, and was losing his frustration to his daughter's stubborn defence. "I don't think you can trust him, Yukiko," he told her finally, an appeal to reason instead of an order.
She shook her head anyway. "I do trust him, Daddy. I know you're concerned, and I love you both dearly, but this is what I want. And I'll live with the consequences of that." She walked up to him and calmly nodded. The mouse pulling the thorn from the lion's paw, the vestal virgin tending to the sacred flame. Respectful, but not afraid.
Her father shook his head finally and muttered "We'll talk about this later," before leaving down one of the halls.
Ryoko watched her husband leave, then came around the desk and walked up to her daughter. "Give him time," she told Yukiko. "He's still protective of you."
"I wish he and Souji would see eye to eye," Yukiko confessed, letting a little doubt show through."
"You're his daughter. It's only natural for him to be protective of you." Yukiko was about to protest again when Ryoko raised her hand, silencing her immediately. "I know," she murmured with a soft look in her eye. "I was there myself, and I know how you feel."
"What do you think of Souji?" Yukiko asked after a moment. "He seemed... cautious around you when he was here before."
Ryoko chuckled, the sentimental moment passing between them. "He's polite and smart. Any boy his age that makes an arrangement like this," she gestured to the flowers on the desk, "is either very thorough, or has a clever florist on speed dial. I think it's too early to tell, but I'm willing to wait and see."
"Thank you, Mother," Yukiko breathed out in relief.
Ryoko's smile caught an edge of frost. "Though if he does hurt you, he'll hope your father gets to him first." Then the iciness was gone. "But, that's neither here nor there. Take your flowers with you and try to understand what Seta-kun is trying to tell you. And don't forget to say 'thank you.'"
The junior Amagi smiled and grabbed the flower vase before turning toward her room. "I will." When she arrived she placed the vase on her desk, careful not to disrupt the arrangement or order to the flowers, and pulled out her homework. Part of her wanted to find her books and read up on each flower and its meaning, but it felt more romantic to not know. Satisfied with the answer, she caught up on her readings and homework and had just finished dinner when she put everything else aside and phoned Souji. He picked up on the second ring.
"Everything got there, I hope," was how he greeted her. "The shipping company took forever to convince – they said delivering to a school was going to cost extra."
"You mean the flowers and the earrings? Yes, they made it here."
He sighed audibly on the line, accompanied by a thunk as he landed on his sofa and leaned back. "Good. I hope they suit you."
"They're lovely, Souji." She was blushing despite not seeing him, and couldn't help the happiness in her voice. "It's a very touching gift."
He chuckled. Even through her happiness and over a phone line, he sounded tired. "It was worth it. They suit you."
"I'll try them on next time I see you. Are you visiting soon?"
She heard him yawn into the receiver, then sniff loudly. "Sorry. Yeah, I'm planning to be by for Christmas. Might stay there and do school by correspondence to finish up the semester, but we'll see how the pieces fall on this end."
That got her heartbeat up. "Really?"
"Yep. And if not, I'll be there after I graduate. I've been talking to some online tutors and looking into correspondence courses to study for the university entrance exams. And I'll concentrate better in Inaba than I will here."
"That would be wonderful," she replied with a smile in her voice. "Though with everyone around here, you might not get as much studying done as you want."
She could almost hear him shrug. "Beats being here."
Through the rosy and rainbow tint of her world at the moment, she heard a trace of anger and frustration in his deadpan voice, and it pulled her mind together. "Is something wrong? You sound a little-"
"What?" Souji called, and not to her. "One sec Yukiko, hold that thought." She couldn't hear the exact words, and she got the feeling Souji had covered the receiver, but his tone was cooler than she expected. Maybe he was stressed? "No," she heard him say suddenly, clearly not talking to her and colder in tone, "I don't. I'll work things out with university teachers on my own."
She heard another voice, more distant than Souji's then. "...is a concern to us. We have..."
"I understand, Father, and I'll take care of it. You're going to miss your flight."
Then he seemed to realize the phone wasn't covered up as well, and she heard very little after that. She frowned and let her eyes wander over her desk. She knew he had problems with his family, but, when she thought about it, she knew very little else.
"Okay, I'm back," he continued as smoothly as he'd left, sounding normal again. "Sorry, my parents are running around juggling work and things here at the house right now."
"What are they like?"
"Who?" He sounded genuinely puzzled.
"Your parents. You don't talk about them."
He scoffed lightly under his breath, but still loud enough for her to hear. "I'm sure I've talked about them before."
She felt her face set into a more determined mask, staring at her bookcase like it was keeping the answers from her. "No, you haven't. And you said they were part of the problem during your last visit to Inaba."
He was silent for a few moments, then spoke slowly like he was choosing his words carefully. "There's really not much to say. They both work corporate finance and live at the office. My father's going back to the States to brush up on some clients he landed before and possibly hit up some new ones. Odds are he'll be there for four to six months."
"And will you be going with him?"
"Nope. I said I'd be miserable and go stir crazy from traveling and the work over there if he tried, plus my grades would suffer and... well, that was him leaving."
She tried to think of Souji or her own father being on the other side of the world, so much distance between them. It made her shudder. "Will you miss him?"
He was choosing his words again. "That's... well, he's my father, so, I guess... it's complicated."
"Would you explain it to me?"
This time he sighed and sounded a little annoyed. "Why do you want to know, Yukiko? My parents don't fit into my life plans or designs."
"Because we're close," she replied, quietly but firmly. "They're part of your life, and so they're at least a little bit part of mine, right?"
Souji sighed, becoming frustrated. It occurred to her that this was becoming their first real fight as a couple, and it didn't worry her as much as she thought it would. "They're... we're not close. It's not a happy topic for me."
"That's what I'm here for," she murmured. "I don't expect you to be perfect. You don't have to prove anything to me. But I want you to trust me, even with the things that are hard to deal with." She hadn't raised her voice at all, but Souji went quiet like she had.
Finally he sighed, sounding both frustrated and in pain. "I do trust you, Yukiko. More than anyone, and I'm not exaggerating when I say that. But this... It's something you shouldn't have to deal with. It's not something I wanted to go through either."
"It would help if you told me. Maybe we could work together and figure something-"
He cut her short. "Can we discuss something else?"
She silently acceded to his request, and the rest of their conversation was heartfelt but still cool. When they'd said their goodbyes and hung up, Yukiko was already putting the pieces together. After rereading some of her notes and helping with some of the tasks around the Inn, she went to bed early. But the entire time her mind was on the following days. There was someone she needed to talk to.
It hadn't taken much. The team's exploits and regular trips over to the Dojima residence had familiarized them all with Souji's uncle and cousin. A few phone calls and a trip to Junes after school a few days later saw Yukiko sitting across from Nanako, enjoying an after-school snack. They chatted about classmates and homework and whatever other topics the conversation drifted to. She had to admit it was odd visiting with Nanako when Chie had cut their usual after-school antics to catch up on studying, when Kanji and Naoto were nowhere to be found and Souji was so far away. But they made the most of their meals, greeting Yosuke as he was run ragged with customers and coworkers and merchandise, watching Teddie entertain children and rattle off promotions and sales with nary a wasted movement or breath. And every now and again, when their discussions hit a lull, Nanako would hum or sing the Junes tune, doing so more openly when Yukiko smiled encouragingly in response.
"Thanks for the meal, Big Sis Yukiko!" she gushed as she set down her chopsticks. "That was really good!"
Yukiko couldn't help the smile that graces her lips. "Any time, Nanako-chan. We did say we'd hang out with you before."
"Yep!"
"I was wondering, why am I your Big Sis?"
Nanako looked puzzled by the question, then thought about it for a moment. "Well, you and Big Bro always spent time when he was here. He seemed happier when you were around." Then she smiled again. "And I guess if I ever had a big sister, I'd want her to be like you!"
Yukiko smiled at the girl's candor. "I see. Thank you." Then she got to why she'd asked Nanako out for food in the first place. "Nanako-chan, do you know much about Souji's parents?"
"Hm? Um, I know I haven't seen aunt Izumi in..." she frowned, trying to place a time to the name she'd only ever heard before. "I don't know. I know Dad talks about her sometimes, but he says she's really busy."
Seta Izumi. At least now she had a name. "Did Souji ever bring her up before?"
The girl shook her head. "Nope. Big Bro didn't talk about her or his dad much. He just said they worked really hard, as hard as Dad does. But that was it."
"I see. Thanks, Nanako-chan."
Her smile was back in a flash. "Yep! You're welcome."
Their discussions varied after that, and Yukiko escorted Nanako to the grocery aisle where she had agreed to meet Dojima. The unshaven detective nodded to Yukiko when he saw her, a small smile on his face. "Thanks for looking after her," he told her when they exchanged their greetings.
Yukiko shook her head. "It was nothing. She's wonderful company."
"I see." He looked at his happily-grinning daughter. "Well, what should we get for dinner? I'll let you choose." Nanako immediately set down the grocery aisles, looking excitedly at everything she could. Yukiko was about to join her when Dojima held a hand out to stop her. "Thanks again," he told her quietly, watching over his daughter protectively. "It means a lot to her to see you and the others. And she could use a feminine influence sometimes, you know?"
Yukiko was a little surprised at the usually-gruff man's open candor, but took it in stride. "She's a friend of ours, and not just because she's related to Souji. I'll help where I can."
He chuckled. "You have your own life to live, so I wouldn't expect you to drop everything else to help me raise her. But these outings are good for her."
"Of course." Yukiko braced herself for the real reason she'd called Nanako and Dojima in the first place. "I was wondering if I could ask you something. About Souji."
He looked a little surprised, and shifted his jacket before shrugging. "No harm in asking. Not sure what I can tell you that he wouldn't though. You almost know him better than I do."
"That's just it. I want to know about his parents." His expression froze over. "It's something he doesn't talk about. I get the feeling he had problems with them, and I want to know more."
"Then you should ask him about it yourself," Dojima replied, bluntly but not unkindly.
"I have. I asked him the other night, and he dodged the questions or refused to talk about it."
He stared at her for a moment, then grunted. "You know he might see this as going behind his back. You prepared to live with that if he finds out?"
She didn't budge. "We've been dating for more than a year. We've talked about so many things that I feel like I know him better than I know myself. But that's one topic he won't touch, and it is important to me."
Dojima was silent for several moments, turning to watch Nanako carefully pick through the packages on the shelf. "You sound like Chisato," he murmured to himself with a chuckle. "She wouldn't let things go either, no matter how many times I tried to drop the issue."
Yukiko cocked her head to the side, momentarily puzzled. "Chisato?"
"Yes. My wife."
She remembered what Nanako-chan had said about her mother. "Ah. I'm sorry."
Dojima shook his head, a nostalgic grin on his face. "No, it's not a bad thing. She hung on to things because she cared, and so do you." He grunted and squared his shoulders, readjusting his jacket again before addressing her. "Izumi – that's my sister's name – and her husband have always had a gift for business and corporate finance. They met in business school, graduated within a couple years of each other, and have never really stopped climbing the pay roll since they got their degrees. So it was a surprise when Izumi learned she was pregnant." He sighed and glared a little to the side, not meeting Yukiko's eyes. "Despite having Souji, they didn't really stop pursuing their goals. They've spent most of his life going from one city and office to another, and Souji..." He grunted heavily. "Souji had to do a lot of growing up on his own. I love my sister, but the man she married was always very career-oriented, and she got caught up in the rush up the ladder."
Yukiko narrowed her eyes thoughtfully. "So they're distant because of their work? Yosuke-kun has a working family, and Rise-chan is an idol, and they seem alright."
"The difference is that corporate work of any kind is more than a job. Izumi and Yuuma put in more hours than I ever could sometimes. When I tried phoning her I had to threaten the secretary so she wouldn't pass me off to voice mail. And Yuuma... Well, he and I don't see eye to eye anyway. Souji and I talked about it when he was here, and the picture he painted wasn't very pretty. If he wasn't exaggerating, then he'll be back here, or at least out of the house, as soon as he can, because it sounds like he's itching to get away from them."
"But they're his family."
Dojima shrugged. "That's what I said to him, but I still get the impression they aren't close. When I talked to Izumi, she didn't seem to know what was going on with him, so I don't think he's talked to them about anything that happened here."
Yukiko frowned. It did make sense. Souji was already a private person, but knowing that his parents were so distant would have been a source of aversion to him. And perhaps he'd grown so distant from them that even talking about them was difficult.
"Does that help?" Dojima inquired as Nanako returned with her arms full.
"It does. It explains a great deal, actually." His dedication to Nanako-chan and his uncle, how much he tried to help others with their own problems, and how understanding he'd been with the members of the team, recognizing their difficult pasts and problems.
Dojima continued after rolling his shoulder with a grunt. "He cares. There's no denying it. But him and his parents, that's not a happy situation. I know that much. And I don't know if it can be fixed."
"I see. Thank you."
He quirked an eyebrow. "You're going to keep pushing the matter with him?"
She shrugged, turning the new information over in her head. "Maybe not push him, but I want to help him where I can."
He chuckled before turning to Nanako. "Souji's many things, but he's also very stubborn. So wherever you go and whatever you do, Amagi, I wish you luck."
"Thank you for the help," she replied with a bow. He shook his head before turning toward the cash registers. "And see you later, Nanako-chan," she added with a smile as the girl walked by.
Nanako nodded and tried to bow back with her arms full, nearly losing her grip. "You too, Big Sis!"
Yukiko watched them leave before turning toward one of the other exits from Junes. She felt the pieces coming together in her mind, puzzles and layers and designs all merging together. She might have been called to by people in the store or on the way home, or she might have been completely ignored. She didn't notice either way.
She went through her usual duties at the Inn, helping where needed and working with the others like usual. She talked to her parents over dinner and spoke to Chie on the phone before retiring to her room.
But not to study or read. This time her books stayed untouched and unnoticed where they were. Instead she ran her fingers over the petals of the flowers Souji had sent her. She let herself drift on their scent and turned the idea over in her mind while minutes or hours passed by. Finally she broke her reverie and opened the box again, looking at the earrings in one hand and holding his note in the other. Would it work? Possibly. She had the time for it, and he would understand. She'd make sure he did.
Nodding to herself, she snapped the box closed and prepared for bed, already forming a list in her mind. No time for doubts or second guessing. She had plans to make.