Chapter 20

"Are you ok?" Alice asked softly as she saw me entering her room.

"I've been better. I should probably call Emmett."

"It's late in Sydney, let the man sleep. So I take it, it didn't go well. I'm sorry if I'm meddling."

"I offered her money to stay away from me. What kind of person offers her mother money to stay away from her?" I chuckled humorlessly. "I have to pay up my own mother," I mumbled to myself, "now what does that tell you?"

"It tells me that you were unfortunate but maybe it doesn't have to be like that. Things haven't always been easy with my mother but now we found a common interest and we've bonded. That can happen with you and your mom, too."

"I don't think that can happen for us. I totally lost the respect I had for her... I gave her money to stay out of my life. When she said she wanted more, I coerced her to accept my offer."

"How much did you offer?"

"Five million dollars," I answered guiltily.

Alice whistled, surprised with the number. She took some time to compose a reply.

"At least you know she'll be able to provide for herself. It's not like if she crashed or something you wouldn't be by her side in a heartbeat… not that I'm saying that something will happen to her," she added quickly when she saw my disgruntled face. "Greta showed me her interview… she did sink lower than I expected. I mean, claiming you abandoned her at her ex's hands and whims; affirming that you didn't ask your father for help when she called you telling you what was going on with Phil… come on! And that thing that her husband beat her up because she gave you all her savings to pay for school, seriously? I know better because I know you, but if that garbage ever became public knowledge your reputation would be ruined. I mean what else you could do?"

"She said all those things?" I asked, dumbfounded. She twisted everything.

"You didn't read it?" Alice asked, a little taken aback.

"No, but I'm pretty sure that sums it up."

I exhaled loudly, knowing I should have probably done so but was too afraid. We stood in silence for a long time. She was fidgety, probably wanting to start the process of beautifying the ugly duckling, but making an effort to be considerate. Things were easy between us, even in the most fucked up moments. Yes, I cursed, because there was no better way to describe it.

"Now what the hell are we attending tonight?" I finally asked.

"Well, are you sure you still want to go?" she asked.

"Now that I'm here I might as well be done with it. What's done is done and even though I'm already regretting it, I haven't come up with a better solution, so what can I say? It´s just something I'll have to deal with."

"We´re both going to a charity auction."

"And what's on the items list? What are they selling?"

"Mostly, us…"

"What do you mean by that?"

"Well, a date with the auctioned lady is sold for the highest bid."

"That's a little medieval. You rich people are weird," I accused.

"Yes, we are. And you were such a great addition to the lot," she teased lightly. Her eyes were moistened with my unshed tears. I hated to sense that she was feeling sorry for me.

"Why didn't you tell me where we were going?"

She looked at me guiltily. "Okay, I was hoping you'd only find out after it was too late, but I might have signed us both up to be auctioned."

"Alice!" I scolded her. "I can't attend a circus today. Not today."

"It's for cancer research. I mean, that has to mean something to you… think of all the little kids with no hair…"

"You're not actually using that argument with a doctor…"

"What, doctors don't have a heart?"

"They do, but this one here only gets used today for keeping a good cardiac debit to ensure an optimal tissue blood supply."

I breathed in deeply to keep from crying.

"Come on, it'll be fun! You need it and it'll be for a good cause. Because you're a novelty I believe you'll get a record bid."

"You usually do this? What was the highest ever?"

"Last year Uncle Henry paid a hundred thousand pounds for my company. I wasn´t selling too well… I think he just took pity on me and wanted to contribute to a good cause since I went after Madeline Gray and Jasper paid twenty thousand pounds for her… that's when they made it public, so to speak."

"She'll always be Mindy to me," I chuckled at my silly attempt at a joke. "Will she be auctioned this year?"

"Probably…Do you think Jasper will be so enthusiastic buying her attention tonight?"

"Didn't you invite Seth as your date tonight?" I diverted. They had kept in touch after the New Year's Eve party. They were getting closer, but he was still far from taking the eldest Lord Cullen from her mind. Nevertheless, she lightened up around him.

"Yes, he'll be here soon," she answered curtly, clearly picking up the double meaning of the question. "But you should know since you were the one who paid for his trip. Now, young lady, let's get you a cup of coffee and see what I can do to conceal those craters beneath your eyes."

"And here I was thinking I never looked better. Do I really need to go?"

"In this circle everything is about appearances. You don't need to feel it, just show it. In no time you'll be home and back to your routine, but every once in a while you have to do this. Let's make ourselves presentable. All eyes will be on you tonight and consequently on me…"

After nearly two hours of brushing and painting we were ready to leave. Once again I was wearing one of Alice's designs as she forbade me to wear anything else. Apparently I was good publicity. Greta thought this sort of event was the kind of good attention I wanted for myself so I'd actually have to smile for the photographers on my way in.

And smile I did. When I exited the limo I wasn't instantly recognized, but as soon as someone screamed 'Isabella' in my direction the flashes went wild. I even tried to pose a little.

Someone screamed in my direction asking what was I wearing and I answered, "Alice More."

There was a general chuckle and after another round of flashes I was escorted inside. Alice, who had entered the building a couple of minutes before, was chatting lightly with Seth, waiting for me by the door.

"You did well. Let's go inside." She smiled reassuringly.

"I'm a little nervous about it; please don't leave my side tonight."

"Like you didn't leave mine last time you took me to a party."

"I needed some fresh air," I defended myself, knowing well what party she was referring to.

"With Edward…" was her comeback.

"I've explained you before what happened…"

"Hey, girls, I'm right here," Seth reminded us good naturedly. "And Lady More, I believe I kept you company the night you're referring to."

"You sure did, milord." She smiled sweetly and their eyes locked for a moment.

"You people make me sick," I pretended to gag. They looked cute as they blushed a little. Neither of them was willing to take the first step admitting that they genuinely cared about each other, but they were always inquiring whether the other had shown any sign of interest. He was everything she needed… I just hoped someday she would realize it.

"I'm going to give you some instructions if you want to survive in this jungle. At that table you see over there," she said, pointing with her eyes, "make sure to memorize the faces. If any one of them talks to you, just smile, be polite, evasive and excuse yourself. They are well-connected and know everybody who's anybody in high society, but they're also the biggest gossipers you'll ever find. You're novelty and they can sniff scandal better than most. At the other table over there, you have the socialites – publicly known and attend parties for a living… they're all broke. Stay away or they might find a way to get invited to one of your country houses."

"I don't own one," Seth said, "maybe I should go sit with them…"

"I'll go with you, it seems like fun," I winked.

We kept walking towards our table, all eyes on us, and Alice kept smiling and trash talking about pretty much everyone in the room. My eyes, though, always went back accusatorily to the same place… him.

"That area in the back is reserved for the nouveau riche. They have money but aren't influent yet…"

That last sentence actually caught my attention. "That's where I belong…"

"Oh no, you're influential…" Alice said confidently.

"Why?"

"Because you're the richest woman in the room," she said earnestly.

"I already regret this…" I muttered.

"I'm nearly asphyxiating in self-importance," Seth whispered.

I smiled at his joke and was a little sidetracked by it. I would be sitting with the Cullens; for me the room felt suddenly quiet as Edward stood up to greet me. Alice and Seth eyed us curiously, expecting some sort of confrontation - he gave them none. He smiled brightly, sincerely almost, and kissed my hand softly, pulling out my chair, portraying the image of the perfect gentleman.

"Edward," I begrudgingly acknowledged him.

"I feared this seat would remain empty for the night," he began after the quick greetings I gave his parents, brother and Mindy, who barely looked in my direction.

"I wouldn't dream of missing a benefit party."

"You're known for missing important events," he accused.

"I have no idea what you're referring to."

"Do you not? Maybe you should reconsider your ways to show who's in charge…"

"Maybe you should reconsider your words and the way you act around me. That would be extremely beneficial for both of us. I have no idea what you're talking about," I retorted.

"You're very difficult for me to read," he said without breaking eye contact.

"What are you talking about so secretively?" Molly asked, gaining the attention of everyone at the table.

"I was telling Edward a little about my work at the hospital," I lied.

"You're still working as a doctor?" Carlisle asked.

"Yes, I started my residency on the 4th of January, like I previously had planned."

"Why do you still work there?" Jasper inquired, clearly surprised.

"Why would I quit the one thing I chose for myself?"

Edward eyed ne questioningly but I ignored him.

"So, Alice, I saw your name on the list. I fear your contribution this year will seem meager compared to the one you had the year before," Mandy continued venomously, apparently unsatisfied with my answer.

"His Grace was really generous," Alice stated calmly.

Her mother intervened, guiding us all to more neutral topics. I think Miss Gray caught the warning in Lady Esme's eyes and behaved for the rest of the dinner. I was also convinced that she was too occupied noticing that her fiancé never took his eyes off of Alice, his so-called little sister, and Seth. Edward, who seemed to notice that as well, was particularly witty that night and made every effort to divert everyone's attentions. He had a good sense of humor and gave quick answers to any remark. Seeing him so at ease, so good natured, surprised me. Some part of me was praying for him to act like an ogre, as it would be easier to dislike him. I, on the other hand, was barely able to utter two words that night and talked solely when forced.

"Ladies and gentlemen, we're reaching the high point of the night. Our finest, loveliest single ladies have agreed to go on a date, which evidently will occur on the ladies' terms, with the highest bidder. You know the rules… " the auctioneer started.

After a couple of young girls, Miss Madeline Gray was called on stage. There were a few bidders that were probably trying to annoy Jasper. He offered 5,000 pounds and the deal was about to be closed when someone shouted 10,000.

"Sold to Mr. Gray, for ten thousand pounds. You may come and claim your date."

I clapped enthusiastically when I noticed she wasn't pleased with the fact that Jasper didn't bid higher; her father was the one who won. Mr. Gray didn't seem too happy as he was also looking expectantly at Jasper. After a few moments he stood up and claimed his prize.

"Seth, bid for Alice, I'll cover for you," I whispered in his ear as she went up on stage next.

"How much do you want to spend?" he said quickly, entering the game.

"I'll tap the table lightly with my finger if I want you to stop."

"How high can I go?"

"Really high," I smiled. Henry wasn't there for Alice anymore, but she had me, and I had her back. And the money was for a good cause, after all. I wanted to annoy Mollie and contributing to a good cause seemed like a good excuse, unlike what I did with my mom. I cringed at the thought.

"So now we have with us the talented Lady Alice More. We start the bid at 500 pounds."

"500," Carlisle said and people clapped. It was polite for the dad to make the first bid.

"600," a young man from the 'nouveau' table said.

"700," another said.

"1000," Jasper's voice resounded loud and clear.

I signaled Seth to bid twice as much.

"2000."

"Ok, two thousand pounds for the gentleman over there."

Jasper's eyes glinted at the challenge and bid higher.

"2500 pounds," he said out loud and then lower, only for us at the table to hear, "Why don't you give it a rest? We both know you can't afford it."

"5000 pounds," Seth added, responding to the provocation.

"6000," Jasper rebuked.

"It's nice of you to bid for your sister," Seth teased, "I think I'm up for the challenge, and she's worthy. Ten thousand!" he nearly shouted, after looking at me for approval.

Jasper's eyes flickered momentarily at the word 'brother,' but he soon composed himself.

"Fifteen thousand," Jasper said slowly.

"Son, what are you doing?" Carlisle asked.

"What does it look like I'm doing?"

"You're embarrassing us…" Lady Esme scolded him.

"15,000 going once…"

I kicked Seth to urge him to continue. He cleared his throat and at the last minute said, "30,000!"

"Lady Alice is sold to the gentleman at table three. You may claim your date."

"Go get her, Seth," I said as I clapped along with everyone else.

He stood up with a toothy smile plastered on his face and walked confidently towards Alice. Edward, on the other hand, was fuming by my side.

"For the first time on stage, we have next the lovely Dr. Isabella Swan."

I stood up and walked cautiously towards the stage. Alice winked for reassurance as our paths crossed. Everyone stared – finally the heiress of Lord Henry More had a face to be attached to name. I felt them talking, maybe about the clothes, or the hair, or even the jewelry. "She's not worthy," also came to mind. The auctioneer looked kindly at me and started the bidding at five hundred. For a few seconds the room stood in silence and I feared for the first time that no one would bid even more than I feared someone would.

"500," Carlisle started, acting as my savior.

"2000," one of the 'nouveau' group added.

"2100."

"2200."

"2500."

"5000."

"Five thousand pounds from Mr. James More, going once…" the man by my side said excitedly.

"Ten thousand," Edward said, looking at someone at the back. Was James More my cousin? I was trying to find his face in the crowd as I wasn't paying much attention before.

"11,000," an old man added, gaining many dirty looks from the ladies at his table. Was he thinking I was fond of older men?

"12,000," James said, or I believed it was him since I didn't see again where the voice came from.

"Twenty thousand pounds," Edward said, this time looking at me as if assessing the merchandise.

"Sold to His Grace, the Duke of Vidal, for twenty thousand pounds," was all I heard.

I exhaled loudly, almost with relief that it was over. Edward stood up, perfectly at ease, and came in my direction, taking my hand to escort me back to our seats.

For the remainder of the auction, there was a grave silence at our table that no one dared to break.

"And now we dance," Edward said when the emcee of the event announced the amount of money raised by the auction. He led me to where the couples resulting from the auction lined up to dance, including Seth and Alice, who seemed to be relieved to leave the table

"I can't dance," I warned him.

"Then it's a good thing I'm a good leader. Try not to step on my feet," he said, amused by my reluctance. I tried but messed up twice.

"So where shall we go on our date?" he asked after a couple of minutes of my attempts at dancing.

"I don't know. I thought this was just a way to raise money," I was hoping that the dancing counted as the date.

"We actually take it seriously. Let me clarify how this works. I paid an extraordinary amount of money for you to choose a place for me to take you out on a date, so you don't get to find a way around it," he said with a stern voice.

"Barcelona," I blurted out. I really didn't want to be with him in his own environment. He was too at ease and that made me terribly uncomfortable. Besides, I didn't have the time or inclination to play his little games in the near future.

"What?" he asked, surprised.

"I've never been to Barcelona, always wanted to… I have a conference there next month."

"You're kidding? That's the kind of date my dad would want," he answered, clearly displeased.

"I'll be there for five days."

"You're serious."

"Yes, I am," I smiled, knowing he'd probably tell me off.

"What hotel will you be staying at?"

"I have no idea what Greta booked for me." I honestly didn't.

He smiled brightly, actually pleased with the invitation.

"I'm sure your room will have plenty of space."

"Yes, and I'm sure Angela, my colleague at the hospital who will be staying with me, will love it."

"Okay, no room sharing, at least not officially. I can live with that."

"And unofficially too."

"You don't need to get defensive, I can see through you."

"I thought I was very difficult for you to read," I used his own words.

"Not when you're in my arms and I can feel your heartbeat."

"Your Grace, I didn't think you had that in you," I told him, a little displeased. I was not in the mood to hear silly pick-up lines.

"I can, and even though there's something terribly off with you tonight you have to know I mean it. I scare you," he affirmed almost solemnly, looking me in the eyes. "You don't have to keep running away from me, I'm not hunting you."

"Then why do I feel like prey?"

"I'm not the one you should to be afraid of," he said when the dance was over, escorting me back to our table where only Esme and Carlisle sat.

After a little small talk about who was who and the decorations between Edward and his mother, she finally turned her attention to me.

"I'm glad you came, dear. Alice was ecstatic to have you back in England. You have been a good friend to her over the past few months." She paused, waiting for my response. As I gave her none, she persisted. "Tell me, how do you like your dress?"

"It's perfect, as always, Lady Esme. Alice is really talented," I answered earnestly.

"Please, call me Esme. I'm really proud of her and how much she has accomplished."

I smiled in response and there was more awkward silence.

"So," the Earl began, trying to break the spell we seemed to be under, "What are you children planning for the night?"

"Honestly, I think I'm going home to try to get some sleep," I stated matter-of-factly.

"Oh, I recognize the resident symptoms. Many night shifts?" he asked.

"Two per week, but I have to make my rounds the following day so I really can't sleep afterwards. It alters my circadian rhythm completely."

"And when you're not working you have to study or make some presentation to a journal club or a clinical session…" he continued.

"And there are some crazy colleagues who do that and have children at the same time," I chuckled.

"Some do that, others have a multi-billion dollar company to run," Esmé prodded. "You look really tired dear," she said in a motherly tone.

Shouldn't she hate me? Or was she admonishing me because there was no way in hell I could do both?

My eyes glistened as I agreed. "And here I was thinking Alice´s make-up artistry did a great job," I tried to tease, but my voice sounded hoarse even to myself.

"Some things are really hard to conceal. I know that look, young lady. I've seen my husband like that too many times," she said, caressing his cheek. There was so much love and tenderness in that gesture it was nearly tangible.

And I needed to run.

"Thank you for the invitation tonight, I enjoyed myself. But since there is no way to conceal it, I think I'm going now, and try to get to sleep early. I'll just let Alice know I'm going home."

"Isabella, why don't you join us for lunch tomorrow? I'd like to know you a little better and I'm sure Alice would be pleased as well," Esme asked.

"Maybe some other time, I'm having lunch with my uncle tomorrow. I haven't seen him in a while."

"Why don't you invite him as well? Father Thomas is a very dear friend of our family."

"Honey, I'm sure Isabella would like to spend some quality time with her uncle. They don't see each other often," Carlisle said, looking at me.

"Of course, but please come by for some tea."

Edward chuckled by my side.

"Mom, I know for a fact that Isabella hates tea."

He remembered.

"Well, she can have coffee or a latté," she said, admonishing him.

"Please call me Bella." And with that plea I knew my guard was down, again.

"Well, then, Bella," Esme said, smiling, "is 4:30 good for you? Please bring Father Thomas along. I'll make sure I extend the invitation after tomorrow's mass."

"I'll see you tomorrow, then. Have a nice evening."

"I'll take you to your car," Edward said, following after me.

"I'm sure you're aware that I'm not going to get my own car."

"I know that, but I was hoping to persuade you to accept my offer to take you home."

"Thank you, but I came with Alice, so I'll just let her know I'm leaving."

"I know you'll be staying at Alice's and I happen to have the keys. She's having fun with Seth somewhere around here and you don't want to spoil her night. You know she'll probably go home with you. You're not being a good friend."

"And I should accept your offer and leave without telling her? Sure, that's the polite thing to do."

He grabbed his phone from his inside pocket and quickly texted a message.

"Now she knows you're with me and there's nothing to worry about."

"Edward, I really need to sleep. I'm too tired for this."

"I promise you'll be in bed in less than an hour. Let me do this for you."

"Why are so insistent?"

"Don't you feel like you're being watched?" he asked as he escorted me to the back of the building.

"I feel like everyone has had their eyes on me all night, yes."

"That's not what I mean," he said as he started the car. "I don't have the slightest intention of letting you out of my sight tonight. You have no sense of self-preservation, so you can't be trusted."

"I have a perfectly capable team of security."

"Didn't you see who was bidding for you?"

"James More. He's sort of my cousin, right?"

"Yes, he's sort of our cousin. He's scum and I don't want you anywhere near him. He didn't approach you at the party because you sat with my family and he knows he's not welcome. But as soon as he can, he'll go after you."

"I can defend myself. I know the sort of man he is, Uncle Thomas already warned me about him."

"Because if it was just me telling you, you wouldn't believe me," he accused.

"What the hell do you want from me?" And why didn't you call, I wanted to ask.

"God help me, if I know."

I leaned my seat a little back and closed my eyes as I felt them burn with the intensity of the day. When I opened them again I realized I must have zoned out for a while, since the car was no longer moving. Edward was caressing my neck softly, murmuring for me to wake up.

"We're home, sleeping Bella," he chuckled. He had already unfastened my seat belt and walked around the car to open the door for me. I took his hand as I was a little unsteady, and followed him inside.

I went directly to my room, mumbling good night on the way. I took the pins out of my hair and washed my face. Less than ten minutes after we arrived home I was already buried in fluffy pillows and white linens. It was heaven. I yawned as I set my alarm to 7:30 in the morning.

But sleep stayed away. Over an hour had passed and even though I was tired, my mind drifted back to the day's events and my mother. I grabbed my cell to call and check on her but decided against it. A couple of minutes later my phone started vibrating on the nightstand. I picked up without noticing the caller's ID.

"Are you still awake?" a soft voice asked.

"I can't sleep."

"Can we talk?"

"Yes."

The call was disconnected and soon after I heard a nearly inaudible knock before the door opened. Edward entered without a noise except for a click of the lock behind him.

"Why haven't you come?"

"Why didn't you call?" I asked back.

"Fair enough. It seems like we're always misunderstanding each other."

"And whose fault is that?"

"Ours," he answered with confidence. "I thought you were avoiding me."

"In a way, I was."

After a few moments in silence he approached my bed and sat on the edge. The room was still dark and I could only get a glimpse of his features in the dim light that came from the street.

"You have to go to the first trimester's performance session."

"I know, Greta told me."

"Shouldn't it be the other way around? You telling her you were attending," he said harshly.

"You know what I mean."

"I do, and you should know that she has entirely too much power over you. Every single one of Henry's old administrators have. You've been making strange decisions, in every direction, like you're missing the big picture. And you haven't been there to show your face around to support those decisions. You understand what I'm saying?"

"I think I do."

"Your dislike for me shouldn't be interfering with your decisions. When I realized you missed the annual board meeting for Morepharma and didn't let me know… I mean…"

I laughed when I realized what he meant.

"You thought I didn't tell you on purpose. Edward, I didn't even know you'd be there."

Should I tell him the truth? That I wasn't ready and really was hiding behind the best administrative team in the UK? Because I still had no idea how to run a company? I still saw him as an enemy, as someone who if given the possibility would take everything away from me. But as I took the time to think about it, I wondered if it would be so bad to get my life back?

What if he was being sincere?

"You're really still working as a doctor?"

"Yes."

"What the hell, Bella? You have literally thousands of lives in your hands every day and you're careless enough to continue playing doctor? This isn't a game."

"You think I don't know that? You think I chose this for me? I'm exhausted! I work 20 hours a day, every day! I haven't slept over 30 hours a week since January, my family hates me and you're scolding me like a little brat? I'm trying to learn, I wasn't raised for this, I wasn't prepared like you were and I'm sorry if I took everything away from you. But you know what? You can't have it back because I'm not entitled to give it to you! I know why you were disowned!" I accused angrily.

He grabbed my wrist forcefully. "You don't know anything. Don't say I didn't try to warn you. God knows you don't deserve my sympathy," he spat. As he was about to walk away I lost it.

"I know about Alice and the baby. But unlike Henry I know who the father is and I know the full extent of what you did."

He turned around quickly, his eyes murderous. Jenks hadn't been able to find unquestionable proof for our suspicions, but someday he would. I regretted confronting Edward about it too soon, but every day I delayed this conversation I felt like I was betraying Henry and Alice.

"What did you say?"

"I know Alice got pregnant at sixteen, and I know you covered for her. I also know she doesn't remember any of it and that you purposefully hid that information. Does Jasper know?"

His hands flew to my mouth. "Shut up, you don't know anything!"

I pushed him away from me but managed to stay under him, lying in my bed, struggling against his fierce hands.

"He raped her and you didn't do anything about it. Was the scandal too much for you to bear, Your Grace?" I spat.

"If you think I'm that vile how come you tremble when you're under me? Are you so fucked up that you like being riled up and dominated? Is that what you need?"

I felt him growing hard as he kept me immobile, with my hands trapped by his own alongside my body.

"Edward, you're hurting me. Let me go."

He kissed me then, forcefully, for a long time. I kept motionless, almost lifeless under him. His grip eventually faded and he stopped as he realized I wasn't responding – not with desire and somehow not even with fear.

He stood up, ashamed, his eyes hiding from mine. He diverted his attention to every single decorative object in the room, breaking whatever breakable ceramic that he could have a hold on as he unloaded his frustration and anger. I gave him time, and eventually he sat breathing hard in the chaise longue in the bottom of my bed, where I still sat unmoving, watching as anger took over and faded away from him. He sat for a while, his back to me, unwilling to look me in the eye.

"You have to tell her," I said after a long period in silence.

"I can't go back on what I did," he nearly sobbed.

"She deserves to know."

He turned to face me. "She deserves to be happy," he said. "What do you think will happen if I tell her? What do you think will happen to Esme and Carlisle, to their marriage? And Jasper? Do you know what he'll do if he ever finds out about this?" he whisper-yelled. "This has been my cross to bear for years. I made a decision to protect my family a long time ago and I'm not going to stand down now. It has cost me too much… it was a twelve billion dollar decision," he finished resolutely.

"Jasper doesn't know?" I asked, dumbfounded.

"That was all you retained from this? Another nail to my coffin? No, he doesn't."

"What if the child was born alive, Edward? Would you deny him the chance to be raised by his own family?"

"I'd make sure he was well taken care of. It was God's way to end that aberration. He was born with so many deformities," his eyes glistened with tears.

"Edward, the baby had alcoholic fetopathy."

"Siblings should love each other fraternally. But they don't love each other, they're in love with one another even after all these years. Things have started to change though, since you and now Seth came into her life. She distanced herself from Jasper when he started dating Madeline. The blind respect died and he was no longer her personification of a hero. When he marries Madeline then the spell will be broken forever. Can't you see? Everything will be alright after that. She'll marry someone else, have other kids, healthy ones, and this will be like a blur in her past life. If I tell her, all the grief will come back to life."

"What will happen to Jasper? You'll let him live without knowing? Without the guilt? He took advantage of her!" I nearly yelled.

"Trust me, I beat him up beyond recognition…"

"And it makes everything alright?" I shouted at him, furious.

"Shhh, you'll wake up Alice. No, it doesn't. The only reason he's still alive is because he guaranteed it was consensual, and I believed him. A couple of weeks after the… incident, he came to me, drunk as hell, crying about what he did to my little sister. He told me he loved her, but she had ignored him since they made love. He asked my forgiveness but he loved her, he wanted to be with her and everything be damned. I got out of control, and I didn't even know she was pregnant at the time, neither did she. I beat him up so badly, he had to be attended at a hospital. Jasper didn't even lift a finger to defend himself. Till this day, my parents still believe he was assaulted and robbed in some alley in London. He made up some story and I didn't contradict him. Alice suspected something when she saw my battered hands, but at the time she was going under – binge drinking and antidepressants don't mix well. That's why she was hospitalized in the first place – benzodiazepines and alcohol intoxication. They did a pregnancy blood test, they told me afterwards that it was a common thing to do in young women of reproductive age. That's how she found out she was pregnant. She tried to kill herself. Did you know that? Discovering the pregnancy was the one thing that kept her from trying again," he sobbed. I stood up on my knees, pulled by a strong need to comfort him.

Things were a lot worse than I first imagined, and it gave me a whole new perspective. Alice never told me any of this. She mentioned she had a hard time connecting with the opposite sex because she was date raped, and even though she couldn't remember the act itself, she remembered waking up in a bed, with the worst hangover of her life, frightened, with her legs dirty with blood and something else she later found out to be semen, in her parent's apartment in London. She didn't even remember how she ended up there.

Like he guessed, Alice must have heard the voices because soon after we heard footsteps in the corridor. Without warning, Edward launched himself under the covers, tossing his T-shirt on the ground.

"What are you…" and the question lingered in the air as he kissed me again, catching me off guard.

"Bella, I heard noises. Are you having another nightmare?" Alice said as she entered and switched on the light.

She was caught off guard by what she saw, her brother half naked in my bed, my hair all disheveled, my lips still swollen from his previous kiss… My cheeks turned red immediately at the thought and that completed the image.

"I'm really sorry, I didn't know…" and with that she turned to leave.

"Alice, this is not what it looks like," but the door was already closing behind her.

I smacked really hard against his chest, repeatedly until I got tired. He didn't stop me.

"Get out of my room, now."

"We still need to talk," he said, not making any effort to move.

"You have one week," I told him, desperate to get him out. He was trying to manipulate me.

"What?"

"You have one week to tell her. If you don't, I will. The ball is on your court now, decide what you want to do with it."

"You can't be serious… haven't you heard anything I said?"

"Have you noticed she hasn't been intimate with a man since? She needs to know to move on with her life."

"How long have you known about this?" Because I didn't answer straight away he asked again, "How long?"

"Three months."

"And in that period of time, you never told her, why?"

"Because I needed irrefutable proof."

"No, you didn't. You just couldn't tell her, because deep down you know what it'll do to her and you don't want to be the one held responsible for it," he stated as a fact.

"It's a family matter and I didn't want to…"

"You didn't want to what? Intrude? Well, Bella, that ship has sailed, hasn't it? You want to punish me, is that it?"

"No!" I denied vehemently.

"You want to show the world what a creep I am? Newsflash, everyone knows and no one cares. You want revenge for what I did? You hate me that much? Henry More used to say there isn't anything in the world more lethal than a scorned woman. Can you imagine the old man you consider a saint saying that? Haven't I showed you how much I care? I nearly killed myself to save you, it means something… I'm so stupid!" he huffed.

"Edward, this isn't about you and me…" I defended. He was making me feel like everything was my fault.

"Everything is about you and me. But I'm asking you again, did he tell you to do this? To set his goddaughter free from the wicked hold of her brother? Even if doing so will destroy our family in the process? Who the hell did he think he was to put you in the middle of this?" he asked no one in particular, seething. "He impregnated your grandmother, ditched her, and came running to his mama and his perfect high society life. He couldn't take the leap in the dark for her. After he found out about the baby he didn't do anything…"

"And he regretted it until he died. He told me everything, didn't sugar-coat the story. This isn't about Henry."

"Come on Isabella, think. Please, don't do this to me," he begged, changing his strategy. "Please."

The worst thing is that seeing him vulnerable might do the trick. But could I live with myself?

"Edward, this secret is suffocating me. I can barely look at her. She became one of my closest friends. I can't do this to her. She needs to have a choice."

"They'll hate me," he mumbled softly. "He took advantage of her and she'll forgive him, but not me. I've carried this secret for so long… I was young and I thought what I was doing was for the best, but I have to admit that I'd probably do the same again if I had to. This can destroy us as a family. You can't tell her, I won't let you."

"Edward, it's not my secret to tell. That's why I kept quiet for so long, because I didn't know everything. You have to tell her."

"I can't… you have to give me some time to figure out things."

"Will you tell them?" I asked, referring to Jasper for the first time.

"Let me think about it. Jesus," he exhaled soundly and laid down on my bed facing the ceiling. "I still feel disgusted about it, after all these years."

"I felt the same way when I found out. But think about it, they weren't raised together. Alice never got to see him as a brother, their parents got married but they don't have any biological connection between them."

"You thought about this?" he asked, turning to face me. "How can I accept this if he's my brother and she's my sister?"

"Honestly, it bothers me more the fact that he's a total jerk than his father being married to her mother. He doesn't deserve her, and no matter what his feelings towards her were at the time, and the fact that they are not really siblings doesn't mean I don't hate his guts for taking advantage of her. And really? You shouldn't have been the judge of what his punishment should be… his name should have been dragged in the mud…"

"But if it had been made public, my sister's name would have been dragged in mud as well, my mom would probably have divorced Carlisle, and her and Alice's relationship would never have improved."

"You're still trying to convince yourself that you took the best course of action…" I accused.

"I know that what I did was for the best. Maybe I had my own selfish reasons to do what I did, and in that Henry was right when he accused me of trying to avoid a scandal. Obviously I wanted to avoid anything that could taint my family. But that certainly wasn't the major factor in my decision; I just couldn't let him know the whole story."

At this point I was staring at the ceiling as well, imitating his position, thinking.

"You know everything and you didn't run or kick me out…" he mused.

"I tried to," I reminded him.

"And I'm sure you bruised more than just my ego…" he said caressing his chest.

I snickered.

After a few moments in silence he was still laying beside me, in the same position. Eventually, he held my right hand with his left one and started caressing it softly with his thumb. As his breathing grew deeper and more regular, his movements became erratic and I knew he was falling asleep. I finally allowed silent tears, or so I thought, roll down my face freely. He must have sensed them, because he turned around, groggily mumbling, "I'm here," and held me tight until sleep finally took us over.

AN:

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, SM does. Also, mum, whose name is Alice by the way, I love you a lot! She made me promise I'd let my readers know how great she is. Obviously Renée´s character isn't in any way related/inspired in my mother. There you go, mum, happy? Please bake me those cakes you know I love, he he.

Thank you Scooterstale for the beta work, I don't know how you put up with me after all this time.

A lot happened in this chapter, how do you feel about it? Please let me know, as always read and review, I promise I'll try to respond to your questions asap.

Take care,

Nofrure.