Hey kids! So I'm back after a week at work slaving my guts out for a princely 6 pounds an hour. Waitressing sucks, I don't recommend it :( But here's the fruit of my after work labours, I've not read it back since I wrote it because I know that being an OCD freak I'll end up re-writing the whole damn thing so here it is...please review as this chapter made me nervous. And just for fun its dedicated to all those of you who reviewed the last chapter, you guys make writing this worth while :)
Oh and by the way some suggested listening for the chapter: /watch?vTXPY61BeOwI
Tugging on the sleeves on his black suit, Harry Harding looked out over the Thames and took in a deep breath of the frosty air. Across the river, Christmas lights still hung uselessly on street lamps and on the naked branches of trees while the early morning London traffic refused to take any vacation and continued to wind through the roads over Tower Bridge and towards Victoria.
Shuddering slightly at the cold, he cast a glance at the small box resting on the bench next to him and swallowed hard, his hands shaking as he reached out to pick it up.
It had sat in his dresser for two weeks now, waiting for the girl who would never see it. Waiting for the smile, the laughter and the tears that would never come.
Because Lara Knight was dead.
And all he could think about as he stared down at the cold looking diamond was whether or not she knew how much he had loved her.
"I've left all 'is food and shit in the fridge," Pete rubbed the back of his neck as he stared at his mother who was perched on one of the kitchen stools, bouncing Alex on her knee. "You know how to heat them up, right?"
"Funnily enough I think I do," Moira rolled her eyes. "Jesus, Pete would you stop bloody fussing. I raised you and your brother on my own, I think I can handle my grandkids for a few hours,"
"I know," Pete sighed. "I know, I'm sorry, I just…fuck it," he flopped down onto the stool opposite, receiving inquisitive looks from both his mother and his son.
Poppy who he knew was much more aware of what was happening today simply continued to watch TV in silence just as she had all morning.
"Pete," Moira shook her head. "Sweetheart, I know how you're feeling alright but just try and keep it together…" she jerked her head towards Poppy. "And not just for your sake,"
Pete nodded and rubbed his face before standing up and pasting on a smile as he walked over to the large sofa in the kitchen and crouched down next to his daughter.
"Alright, monster?" he asked her, placing a hand on her knee. "What're you watching?"
"Finding Nemo," she replied, her little voice holding none of its usual excitement or emotion.
"Right," Pete nodded, casting a glance at the screen. As if his morning wasn't surreal enough, he now had to listen to talking fish. "Excited about spending the day with Granny?" he asked, hoping to get some reaction from her.
The tiny blonde shrugged, shuffling off of the sofa and picking up her glass of hot milk before strolling out of the large kitchen.
"Fuck," Pete whispered, resting his forehead against the arm of the sofa.
"She'll be alright," Moira told him, standing up and balancing Alex in one arm as she rubbed her sons back. "I'll take 'em out, maybe to the park or something,"
Pete nodded and stood up again, picking up one of Alex's feet and wearing a genuine smile as his son laughed and kicked.
"Yeah," he smiled tightly. "But it ain't just 'er that I'm worried about,"
"Allie's still not talking to you," Moira cocked her head sympathetically.
It was statement and not a question so Pete said nothing, just continued staring at Alex as he smiled back, his baby grow already covered in pieces of food.
"I'm seriously scared about what's gonna happen today," he admitted. "I 'ave no idea what's goin' on in 'er head and I just…I'm losing 'er mum, I know it,"
"Oh for Gods sake," Moira hit his arm. "You're not losing her, you just can't afford to give up on her. I know you're finding it hard at the moment but sweetheart she needs you…"
"And what about me, Mum?" he shot back. "Why is it that she doesn't get that I'm not dealing with this? Why do I 'ave to always be the one asking if things are ok? I lost my mate too,"
"Shhhh," Moira shook her head, rubbing his arm and hoping to calm him down. "Pete I know this is far from easy but just be there for her, ok? She'll come around, I know she will,"
He nodded, unwilling to go any further into the subject with her. But he wanted to ask her how she could be so sure that Allie would come back from this. Because right now, he honestly didn't know if she would.
Allie stared at her reflection in the bathroom mirror and sighed; it was amazing what make-up could do. Her eyes no longer looked like those of a fifty year old, her skin seemed to glow again and her honey coloured hair was shiny again, the soft waves hanging loosely about her face.
Straightening her black dress carefully so as not to jar her still injured shoulder, she picked up her silver necklace on the counter and pulled it over her head, the long pendant hanging gracefully around her neck; Lara had given it to her on her sixteenth birthday, the silver locket containing a photo of the two of them at their school prom.
She reached for it hesitantly, her hand shaking as it neared the silver locket, wimping out at the last minute and falling back down to the counter where she forced herself to apply another coat of lip balm just to keep herself busy.
The door behind her creaked open and she winced knowing it was Pete back to force answers out of her and announce that they were ready to go.
"I'm almost done," she told him in a high voice, trying too hard to sound normal.
"Mummy?"
The voice stopped her in her tracks and as Allie turned to face her daughter, her empty stomach dropped when she saw how pale and fearful the girl looked.
"Hey Pops," Allie smiled weakly. "I thought you were watching Finding Nemo?"
Poppy stared at her in silence for a moment before walking further into her parent's bathroom and sitting on the sofa next to the counter top.
"You look pretty, mummy," she mumbled, drawing her knees up to her chest and hugging them tightly.
"Really?" Allie laughed, coming to crouch next to her. "You think so?"
"Yep," Poppy nodded confidently, reaching out to touch a strand of her mother's soft hair. "Like a princess,"
She shuffled in her seat and pulled out an envelope on which she had scrawled Auntie Lara in purple crayon. Allie's eyes widened as she held it out to her, her tiny hands so steady as she offered it.
"I wrote this for you to give to Auntie Lara to take to heaven with her," Poppy smiled. "I put glitter in it and all my favourite stickers,"
Allie felt her eyes sting but forced herself to smile as she took it.
"It's beautiful," Allie told her.
"Can you…um…" Poppy kicked her legs nervously. "Can you read it to her so that she hears it? And can you give her a monster hug because Daddy said I'm not allowed to go to the church place,"
Allie smiled at her daughter and reached out, touching her round little face and marvelling at how she could have possibly created something so sweet and so innocent.
"Of course I can, sweetheart," she promised.
"Mummy?" Poppy bit her lip. "I'm sorry that I was playing in Auntie Lara's room the other day…I didn't know I wasn't allowed and I just wanted to see her make up again…"
"No," Allie shook her head firmly and took her chin between her fingers. "You listen to me…any time you want to go in that room, you go in. You can play with her make up and do whatever you used to," a tear trickled down her face and she ignored it. "Lara wouldn't have wanted it any other way,"
Poppy smiled and instantly threw herself at her mother, hugging her tightly and smiling into her shoulder when Allie's arms came up to hold her back just as hard.
"I love you, mummy," Poppy whispered.
"I love you, too," Allie cried softly. "So much…"
"You have to go soon," Poppy reminded her in a whisper. "You have to go say goodbye,"
Allie nodded but didn't speak. She couldn't; not right then anyway. All she could do was clutch her daughter tighter as she held onto the letter in her hand, unwilling to face what she knew lay ahead of her.
"I tell you something brother, nothing gets the ladies going quite like a war wound," Benjamin smirked, lifting his still plastered wrist in the air triumphantly.
"Yeah well that ain't exactly an image I want," Bovver snorted, taking one last lingering drag of his cigarette before throwing it into a nearby puddle.
The snow had eased off in the last few days but this morning had brought a new bout of sleet and so the roads were now coated in a faint sheen of shimmering water.
"I don't know if we should be talking about this kind of stuff," Matt snapped, looking around nervously as people around them began to file into the church.
"Matt, you met Lara, right?" Benjamin raised an eyebrow. "Trust me, the last thing that lass would want is us moping about with a face like a smacked arse."
At that Matt had to laugh, knowing in his heart of hearts that it was true.
"Aye," Benjamin jerked his chin towards the entrance. "Pete and Allie are here,"
The group of men all turned to look as the couple climbed out of their car, Allie looking tired and thin yet somehow beautiful as she wrapped her arms around her lithe frame as she strolled along side Pete, their body language giving away more than they wanted it to. It was clear there was stress between them but as Pete reached out to take her hand and she pretended not to see it, the boys found themselves almost cringing out loud.
"Alright?" Dave forced a smile as they came to a stop.
"Yeah," Pete breathed, rubbing his hands together. "We're still early, yeah?"
"Yeah," Dave nodded. "They've only just started letting people in so…"
"Has anyone seen Harry?" Allie asked, meeting their eyes and catching the shock there. It seemed almost as though they hadn't expected her to speak.
"Uh…no, sorry darlin'," Benjamin reached out to rub her arm, frowning when she almost flinched. "How're you though?"
"Fine," she replied, with a shake of her head. "I'm fine,"
"Of course you are," a voice carried over their heads. "You're wearing couture, no woman would ever be miserable wearing couture,"
Allie spun around and gasped when she came face to face with Jack, her and Lara's editor not to mention best friend since their days at University. The slightly older man smiled weakly at her as he opened his arms and pulled her in for a hug.
"How's my girl?" he whispered into her hair.
Allie and Jack hadn't spoken since the morning Lara's mother has asked them to pick out an outfit for her to be buried in; they had made their way through every wrack of clothing at work until they came across an ivy green dress that Lara had been planning to wear at her 30th birthday in two months time and decided on that.
The day had been too surreal, too traumatic for either of them to really look each other in the eye afterwards and so all contact had been done over the phone until now.
"Scared," she whispered back, closing her eyes tightly.
"Don't talk to me about it," Jack told her firmly. "He's in a state too, you know. Look at him Allie,"
Allie shook her head and pulled back, meeting Jack's eyes and seeing that he was serious. She needed to start speaking to Pete properly, to allow herself to do the unthinkable and fall apart in front of him. To let him help her and help himself in return.
"Sorry guys," a young man who Allie vaguely recognised as being one of Lara's cousins jogged over to them. "If you're sitting at the front you have to go in now,"
They all seemed to freeze, none of them ready to make the first move until with a huge sigh, Benjamin rubbed his hands together and shoved Matt's shoulder.
"Go on," he nodded. "Ladies first,"
The rest of the boys chuckled and even Allie smiled faintly, the nerves in her stomach settling temporarily as she watched Matt thump the Scotsman back before shaking his head and mumbling something under his breath as he strolled into the church.
They filed in behind him, Pete's hand somehow finding its way onto the small of her back, making her sigh at the small amount of comfort it was providing.
It only took a matter of minutes for the rest of the congregation to find their seats and a heavy silence took over the church. With impressive subtly, Allie craned her neck and quickly scanned the crowd, her heart plunging down to her stomach when she realised that she couldn't see her brother anywhere.
The priest began to speak, gripping the altar stand as he rambled on about tragedy and loss as though he actually gave a crap who Lara was and what she had meant to all these people.
Allie ignored all of it, her eyes staying trained on the coffin at the front of the altar, the brightly coloured lilies lining it were Lara's favourite, along with an 'L' made from purple roses.
She had no idea how much time had passed but it was only when she felt Pete touch her hand that she snapped out of her reverie, turning to face him with a glazed and confused expression.
"Babe," he whispered. "Its time,"
"Allie?"
She looked up at the priest who was staring at her warmly whilst the rest of the congregation stared at her with a mixture of annoyance and sympathy.
"Would you like to say a few words?" he asked.
Oh fuck.
She nodded and swallowed hard standing up and letting Pete's hand drop away from hers, her legs shaking like those of a new born foal as she clambered out into the isle and upward.
The last time she had walked up an isle like this, Pete had been waiting at the end of it, a stupid grin on his face as he took in her wedding dress, Lara on the other side of the isle winking at her and grinning as she reached out to take her bouquet from her.
That was only five years ago, she thought with a silent sob, how could she suddenly have ended up here?
"Take your time, child," the priest gently touched her arm and stepped aside so that she could stand at the altar, her hands shaking as she laid Poppy's letter down in front of her, not allowing herself to stare at the coffin this close up for fear of it all becoming a little bit too real.
Glancing out into the crowd, she saw Pete looking back at her, his blue eyes seeking out hers as he sent her a watery smile of encouragement.
Reaching up, Allie gripped her locket tightly for a second, her heart beat quickening as she cleared her throat, wincing at how loud it came out over the microphone.
"When…" Allie sighed shakily. "When Lily first asked me to do this I thought of a million and one things that I wanted to say." She shook her head and smiled. "But then I realised that someone like Lara was never going to be summed up in a two minute speech."
"Because anyone could stand here and say how lovely she was but I…I don't remember her because she was lovely," tears gathered in her eyes and began to fall silently one by one plopping down softly onto the wooden stand. "I remember her for having the world's filthiest laugh and an even worse sense of humour,"
A faint laugh rippled through the congregation.
"I remember her for being the only girl in my ballet glass who would show up in her Batman pyjamas because her tutu was in the wash. I remember her for the stupidly big hugs she would give me first thing in the morning completely unaware of the fact she was getting jam all over me," she half laughed, half sobbed. "I remember her for being the world's youngest secret Barry Manilow fan,"
The laughter grew louder.
"She was far from perfect," Allie shook her head. "Lara was messy, if you leant her anything you rarely got it back in one piece, she couldn't cook and I mean to the point where after graduating she and I bought shares in Dominoes Pizza because they'd kept us alive through the three years we were there,"
The crowd laughed again and looking up she saw Jack wiping his face, obviously remembering the nights the three of them had spent in their halls drinking cheap bottles of wine and wolfing down pizza all the while talking about how they would some day work in fashion.
"She had appalling taste in music, dedicated a good few years of her life to chatting up my husband," Pete's laughter broke through the others making her heart soar. "She even once got us thrown out of a Spice Girls concert for heckling Geri Halliwell,"
"But Lara was what every best friend should be, she was more than that…she was my sister. My partner in crime," she laughed. "She was there when I got my heart broken for the first time, when I lost my mum, when I met my husband, when I had my first baby," Allie clutched the locket tighter. "I didn't tell her enough how much all of it meant to me, I didn't tell her enough how much I loved her, how much I owed to her."
Taking a deep shuddering breath, Allie cast a look at the coffin and felt her throat tighten to the point where she panicked her airway might close up.
Lara was in there waiting to be put into the ground, the ivy green silk dress covering up the cuts and grazes from the accident.
Allie's stomach lurched at the thought and she clasped her stomach, fearing she would actually throw up.
"I have so many memories of Lara…so many of the vital moments in my life are down to her but if I had to pick one, if I had to chose the one moment that meant the most it would be the night of her 21st birthday. We were…we were supposed to go out to some fancy nightclub but somehow got stranded in Victoria station. So there we were dressed up to the nines sat on this platform waiting for our train when suddenly she turns to me with her big brown eyes full of tears and she just said, 'If the train never comes, I'd wait forever with you'."
Allie sobbed at the memory, recalling how stunned she had been.
"I asked her what she meant and she laughed, blamed it on the champagne and then took my hand and said 'You're the family I chose'. I never told her how much those words meant to me, I guess I didn't realise myself until now."
Pete watched as she shook slightly, closing her eyes for a long moment and pressing her fingers to her lips as she tried to keep from sobbing. He shifted in his seat, ready to run to her if she needed it.
"I'm sorry, I'm not doing her any justice. I don't know how I can because only those of you who knew Lara, who really knew her will understand how unfair and how wrong it is that we're here today."
"I um…" she stuttered. "I promised my daughter Poppy that I would read Lara a letter," Allie smiled through her tears. "And I'll never be forgiven if I don't do it so maybe she can explain more about Lara than I can,"
Fumbling with the pink envelope, Allie peeled it open carefully, laughing lightly as the glitter and confetti Poppy had promised her fell down onto her black heels.
Unfolding it, Allie's breath caught in her throat as she was faced with a photo of herself, Poppy and Lara having a 'girlie night' their faces covered in a bright green face mask all laughing at the camera. It had only been a month ago.
Behind the photo faint scribbles of green and pink marked the page, causing Allie to squint as she cleared her throat and prepared to read it aloud.
"Dear Lara Lizard," she smiled at the nickname. "I know you're sleeping but I hope you hear this, I've asked mummy to read it to you because I can't be at the church party today,"
The crowd laughed quietly.
"I miss you lots, I wish you didn't have to go away but I know that you're with the angels now and that makes me happy because you can have all the shoes you want in heaven. I wish I could see you again but I know that because you are so special and I love you so much that you won't go too far. I miss being silly with you and dancing in the kitchen, you were my Lara Lizard and my best friend. You made everything better and everything fun with your big smile and your funny shoes,"
Allie laughed, pressing her fingers to her lips as she sobbed, her chest heaving as she struggled to gain control.
"Every time me and mummy dance in the kitchen I will think of you, I hope you don't forget me, I love you lots, Poppy Scarlet Dunham,"
Allie sobbed and closed the letter, unhooking her necklace and opening it, staring at the photo of the two of them.
"I always thought that Lara would be there," she admitted. "I never thought that I would have to…to do this, to say goodbye but…"
Walking over to the coffin, she placed the locket on top of it and then pressed a kiss against the wood.
"Sleep tight, sweetheart," she whispered brokenly. "Don't forget me either, ok? I love you," she sobbed. "I love you so much, Lara,"
Stumbling back from it, she started down the steps, halting only when she spotted a figure lingering at the back of the church, her breath catching in her throat as she noticed all too late that Harry Harding had been there all along.
Pete stared down at the half eaten salmon on his plate and grimaced, pushing it away and standing up only to be greeted by someone else he didn't know thanking him for hosting the wake.
Half listening to the old woman, he glanced around spotting Allie stood staring out of the window.
"Sorry, I uh…I just have to go check on somethin," he smiled tightly at the old woman, not waiting to hear her answer as he plunged through the crowd, making his way over to where the blonde was stood, her forehead resting against the glass.
"Oi," he nudged her. "You've not eaten anything yet, have you?"
"What?" she frowned. "Oh no, I'm uh…not hungry,"
Snorting, Pete dropped the plate he was holding onto a nearby table and folded his arms over his chest.
"It was beautiful," he told her earnestly. "All the stuff you said in the church…she would 'ave loved it,"
Allie felt her eyes burn again, her mouth opening and closing a few times as she struggled to find words to say to him. It was Pete standing in front of her, the same Pete she had known for the last eight years, why was it suddenly so hard to let him in?
"Aye," Benjamin rolled his eyes as he came to a stop next to them. "Too bad we had to ruin the emotional moment by blaring Madonna through the church,"
"Vogue was Lara's favourite song," Allie told him with a smile, grateful for his presence at that particular moment. It bought her at least another few minutes of thinking of what to say to Pete.
"Yeah well someone should have warned the priest," the Scotsman winked. "Poor bastard looked like he was about to keel over…either that or start busting some serious moves,"
Allie laughed out loud for the first time in days and shuddered, feeling guilty for it.
Pete grasped her hand in his as he laughed along with her, his own way of letting her know that it was ok, that no one was going to judge her for it.
He couldn't help feel a little hurt as she stared down at his hand in horror, almost as though a stranger had grabbed her before easing her hand out of his grasp and fixing her dress.
"I'm just going to go check on Alex," she told them both with a tight smile. "I'll be back in ten,"
Pete didn't bother even looking at her as she walked past him, already resigned to the fact that she wouldn't meet his gaze anyway.
"Jesus brother," Benjamin whispered, shaking his head. "What the hell is going on with you two?"
"You're asking the wrong person," Pete snorted, picking up a glass of wine and downing it in one gulp. "I don't know how much longer I can do this, y'know. I'm trying my best here, mate but she's not givin' anything back and I don't know what the fuck to do anymore…she won't even let me hold 'er hand. I'm 'er husband for fuck sake!"
"Pete," Benjamin laid a comforting hand on his arm, urging him to lower his voice for fear that someone would hear them. "Come on mate, let's just go for a walk, yeah?"
"Nah," Pete scrubbed his face with his hands and softened his tone when he saw Benjamin look down. "Nah, you're alright, I'm just…I'll be alright, I just need a minute to sort my 'ead out,"
Smiling tightly at his friend, Pete stepped around him and made his way towards the front door which was thankfully still open so he could slip out unannounced to anyone else.
Letting the air out of his lungs he began strolling down the long drive, casting a quick glance at his car and noticing with a roll of his eyes that someone had blocked him in.
"Bastard," he muttered, kicking some half melted snow out of his way and carrying on down the paved road.
"It's too much for you too, huh?"
Pete looked up startled as Harry Harding sauntered sheepishly towards him, his bright green eyes sore and red looking from hours of crying and practically no sleep. They were signs that Pete was coming to know all too well at the moment.
"What?" he frowned.
"That lot in there," Harry jerked his head towards the house and snorted. "I uh, I went in for about a millisecond thinking I could handle it but I guess not…"
"It's a bit of a head fuck," Pete agreed, coaxing a short laugh out of the older man. "Harry, where the fuck 'ave you been?"
"Here and there," he answered with a smirk. "You know me…gone with the wind and all that shit,"
"I'm serious mate," Pete snapped. "Do you 'ave any idea how worried you're dad's been? And what about Allie? She told me about what happened that day at the hospital,"
Harry paled at the memory and looked away, gazing at the bare willow trees as they swayed gracefully in the icy breeze.
"How the fuck could you say that to 'er?" Pete hissed. "And then you just left 'er there,"
"I know it was wrong," Harry shook his head.
"Oh well halle-fucking-lujah," Pete snorted. "I'm glad someone around 'ere has something resembling a conscience, I was starting to think it was just me,"
"Oh yeah because you're a real hero, aren't you Pete?" Harry snapped harshly. "Tell me, how are you coping since Allie died?"
Pete blinked, taken aback as the blonde slapped his forehead and made a 'duh' sound.
"Oh, sorry wait my mistake…it wasn't the love of your life who just died, it was mine," Harry smiled bitterly. "I always get the two mixed up, what with you wallowing in self pity and all,"
"Self pity?" Pete narrowed his eyes. "Listen mate, I get that you're going through a lot of shit at the moment but guess what: you're not the only one. So you can go ahead and act like a complete fuck but that don't mean its any worse for you than it is for the rest of us. I mean you don't show your face around here for two weeks and then walk out half way through the funeral…I get that you're in pain mate but what the fuck is with all of that? Do you 'ave any respect?"
"Respect?" Harry repeated. "Its not about respect Pete, the woman I love is dead!" he screamed. "I bought her an engagement ring only to watch her corpse get pulled out of a car half an hour later!"
"Harry," Pete hissed reaching out for his arm. "Keep your voice down,"
"No, fuck it!" he shouted. "Why are we doing this? Why are we all walking on eggshells around each other and pretending that everything's fine?"
"You think that's what's going on here?" Pete laughed. "Mate, I haven't spoken to Allie properly in about a week because she's closed herself off so much that even I don't know what the fuck is going on with her! Poppy isn't sleeping, your dad looks like shit, Richard is still being a cunt as usual and the whole while I'm 'aving to tell every single fuckin' one of 'em that I'm alright just so I don't upset 'em. I'm not alright, Harry! My wife won't talk to me, one of my best mates is dead and I can't get my daughter to sleep at night…I am very fucking far from alright!"
Harry stared at Pete as he panted, trying to get his breath back, his eyes shimmering with tears as he turned around and picked up a stone from the drive, hurling it into the large pond and screaming wordlessly.
"Pete?"
The voice was soft enough to almost get lost in the breeze blowing around him, but it was a voice that Pete Dunham would have heard through even the loudest of noises.
Turning to face Allie, Pete sighed and shook his head, looking at her along with Harry as she stood there looking so small in the expanse of the drive, her black dress blowing about her in the wind.
"Pete…" she took a step towards him but he held his hand up, shaking his head.
"No," he told her. "I just…I can't deal with this right now," he met her eyes and laughed. "Allie, I'm done, alright? I don't know what else I'm supposed to do! I can't keep shrugging everything off just to keep other people happy. I'm tired and I need help and I can't…fuck it,"
He scrubbed his face with his hands and shook his head again.
"I need to get out of 'ere for a while," he muttered.
"What?" Allie whispered. "Wait no…"
"Allie," Pete breathed, shaking his head as he began walking backwards down the drive. "Just leave it for a while ok?"
Tears sprung to her eyes as she watched him walk away, his tall muscular frame looking so defeated, so lost that she fought the urge to run after him and pull him into her arms. She knew that he was right: he needed time away from her right now to get his own head around everything that had happened.
"You shouldn't push him away like that," Harry told her quietly. "He needs you right now, just as much as you need him,"
"And what the fuck makes you think I want advice from you?" Allie hissed, turning to face him, her green eyes wild.
"What?" Harry blinked.
"You blame everything that happened on me and then stroll out of everyone's lives for a fortnight without so much as a phone call and then just come back dishing out relationship advice?" Allie laughed. "You're a piece of work, you know that Harry?"
"Oh here we go," he rolled his eyes. "Come on sis, do what you do best and make it all about you."
"Fuck you, you pathetic little shit," Allie shoved him. "I'm not the one whose been hiding away in my flat for the past two weeks, I'm not the one going around pointing the finger at everyone else so I don't have to think about the possibility that I might be as much to blame as everyone else,"
"I didn't do anything," Harry barked at her.
"And you think I did?" Allie screeched. "You think I organised for that jeep to plough into the back of us or something? What the fuck is going on in your head? Do you think Lara would have let you get away with acting like this?"
"Like what?"
"Like a spoilt little bastard who's had his favourite toy taken away," she screamed. "Lara was my best friend, alright? She was Godmother to my kids, she was Lily's daughter…she didn't just belong to you! I had to stand up there in that church this morning and rant on about how much I loved her as though it wasn't killing me to do it and you know something, it should have been you. If you really loved her as much as you claim you do then you would have acted like a fucking man and kept it together,"
"You don't know what its been like for me," Harry shot at her.
"No," Allie shook her head. "Or maybe you just didn't love her as much as I thought you did."
It happened so fast that Allie almost didn't feel it, but the angle of her head and the hot stinging of her cheek clued her into the reality that her brother had indeed hit her.
Slowly bringing her face back around to meet his eyes, her hand shot up to her cheek, holding the skin as her eyes stung with fresh tears. Harry stared back at her in horror, his mouth opening and closing as he fought for something to say.
"Shit…Allie-Cat, I'm so sorry…" he whimpered, his voice shaking.
"Don't," she shook her head, backing away from him. "Just leave…"
"Allie…" Harry called again. "Please, I can't cope with this, I need…"
She didn't wait around for the rest of the sentence, instead turned and ran around the back of the house, ignoring the pain in her face as she shot past the pool and the half melted snowman Poppy and Pete had built out towards the gazebo at the end of the garden.
The sobs wracked her body so hard she knew that if she stopped moving she would throw up; so with that in mind she simply ran faster until something swerved into her path and she was forced to.
"Allie?"
Matt stared down at the blonde as she collapsed against his chest, her fists hitting him lightly as though she was trying to lash out but simply didn't have the strength.
"Allie, what happened?" he frowned, bringing her face up to his and gasping at the huge red mark. "Where's Pete?" he gulped, forcing the words out. "Allie, did Pete do this?"
"I can't…" she sobbed. "Everything is going so wrong, Matt." She cried. "I just…I want it to go back to normal, I want my husband, I want Lara, I just…I can't handle this anymore, I can't lose anyone else its…God, its not fucking fair!"
"Hey, hey, hey," Matt pulled her to him and rested his chin on top of her head. "Its ok, you hear me? I've got you, its ok?"
"No," she sobbed into his chest, shoving him away from her and wiping her face with her hands. "Its not, ok, Matt! Its not going to be ok…everyone keeps saying that but look at us! We're falling apart for fuck sake and I don't know how to make it better…I wish I did but I just, I don't even know what I'm doing right now."
She met his eyes and he saw the desperation there; she was at the end of her tether just like the rest of them and there was nothing she could do about it except cry. One day there would be a morning where they woke up and Lara wouldn't be the first thing they thought about but that was a long way off.
"Look me in the eye and tell me that you honestly believe it'll all be ok, Matt," Allie shook her head. "I want you to stand there and tell me that you truly believe in your heart of hearts that all of this will sort itself out and that I'm not losing my husband, that I'm not losing my brother and that the pain I'm in right now won't last forever because if you can promise me that then I'll believe you."
Matt stared back at her, unsure of what to do; she looked so beautiful despite her turmoil, her eyes a shimmering green as they bore into his, daring him to say something.
He tried as hard as he could, his mouth slightly agape as he desperately fought for something to say. Something comforting yet realistic.
He soon realised that no such sentiment existed.
And so with nothing else to do and his common sense temporarily failing, he did the only thing he knew how.
He took two steps forward, grabbed her chin in between his fingers and kissed her.
Matt, you frickin' idiot, what the hell are you doing?! I've gone back to being a fan of cliffhangers apparently, so leave me a nice long review and I'll get back to you as quick as I can. Thanks for reading! xxxxx