AN: This chapter is a little too raw; I warn you to jump ahead if you're not fond of angst.

Chapter 21

It was 5 a.m. when I woke up overheated, lazily trying to pull down the bed covers with my legs, since I believed them to be the cause of my discomfort. As soon as I got out of my sleep-induced mental retardation, I realized I had a space heater by my side – Edward.

No, no, no, no, no... I slept with Edward! Jesus!

He was sleeping beside me quietly, and stirred a little with my gesture.

"Edward, are you sleeping?" I asked, shaking him a little. He didn't respond.

"Edward, wake up, you fell asleep in my bed." Still nothing, so I figured he was one of those people who can sleep through an earthquake. "You have to go back to your own bed… I'm hot, Edward." I whined a little. I was grumpy from sleep deprivation.

I perceived a light chuckle from him, hinting that he was awake. So, I decided to do the only thing possible in that situation: tease him. I don't know what possessed me to do it, but I literally attacked him.

"Edward," I breathed against his ear, brushing my lips along his neck, "I need you." It took him a few seconds to grasp my words, but eventually he decided it wasn't fun anymore to pretend to be asleep.

"Isabella," he answered back before he grabbed a fistful of my hair and pinned me to the bed, kissing me voraciously.

"Edward," I managed to say between rasping breaths, "I'm not… used… to sharing… my bed."

"What?" he asked, dumbfounded.

"I'm not used to sharing my bed. I can't sleep with you here."

"You've got to be kidding me… you woke me up to kick me out?" he demanded, clearly indignant.

"Yes," I said after a little hesitation. He huffed at my response.

"I think we might have had a little bit of a misunderstanding. I think you lost me when you attacked me…"

"You were the one who assaulted me; plus, it was clear you were awake."

"I am awake now," he said, emphasizing each word. "Plus, you wouldn't be too hot if you were wearing something lighter. Were you expecting a quick stop to the north pole?" he inquired sarcastically.

"Out!" I said menacingly.

"Or what?" he dared. It was dark, but I could almost see the smile plastered on his face. Because I didn't respond immediately, thinking about how wrong everything seemed to be, he asked me to kiss him. Honestly, maybe it was the need to forget, or to forge some sort of human bond, but I obeyed him. I kissed him fiercely - there was nothing sweet or tender in the way I attacked him. He was still him. I didn't trust him, so every fiber in my rational self said not to do it, but for once in my life, maybe the first time in as long as I could remember, I acted on pure instinct, drowning every frustration of the past three months in my need for him.

"I want you so damned much, it's bordering on pitiful," he groaned, responding with as much intensity as only he could muster. And I knew from what I remembered of his touch, that I wouldn't be able to stop him.

He fought against the little buttons of my pajama top as he lay over me, without putting so much as an inch between us. It's like he felt my inner vacillation, and knew that if he gave me a little space I'd back off.

I lifted myself a little away from the bed and tore the offending item off of me. I wanted to feel his skin against mine.

"Impatient, aren't we?" he chuckled, but grew serious immediately. "You're so beautiful," he whispered, nearly awestruck, making me feel self-conscious before he went back to kissing me, trailing his lips along my jaw to the spot behind my ear, making me shiver. He then proceeded, moving down with open-mouthed kisses along my neck to my collar bone, and then moved his attention to my breasts. He started by caressing my areola with his tongue in reverent, circular movements before he took my nipple into his mouth and sucked gently. He repeated this process, dividing his attentions equally, kneading and groaning every time his ministrations elicited a moan. I arched a little, panting, grabbing a fistful of his hair, nearly tearing his scalp in the process of urging him to continue. I could tell he was committed to pleasing me, and that was really what did it for me. I pulled him up again to kiss him once more. And all of a sudden his lips were everywhere, his hands tracked my body, experiencing, studying, exciting me. When his right hand finally found his way under my panties, I was a goner.

"Jesus," he moaned, noticing that his efforts to entice me had not been in vain. He teased me with his fingers for a little longer as I did the same, feeling him hard and pulsing in my hand. His breathing sped with my touch as our movements grew bolder, then faster and erratic. When I thought I couldn't concentrate any more on what I was doing, when I was on the brink of that feeling of release I craved, he removed the last pieces of clothing in the way and repositioned himself between my legs.

He entered me without ceremony, in a quick, desperate movement, making me yelp. I hadn't been with anyone for nearly a year, so I felt a pang of discomfort as my body adjusted.

He exhaled loudly in a mix of pleasure and relief, and as he looked down at me, even in the dark, I noticed how his eyes shone joyously. His lips found mine again and he kissed me sloppily as he moved inside me, slowly at first, savoring, but rapidly growing frantic until he was panting against my neck. He was holding my hands high, tightly, as if trying to reign himself.

His skin was sweaty and sticky from the effort, and I remember burying my nose in the crook of his neck and finding the way he smelled incredibly appealing. We should be HLA compatible, wasn't there a study in Nature magazine about that?

"Bella," he said hoarsely, "I can't hold off much longer."

I moved with more intention as I felt him tremble from the effort, trying to find my own release. But as my sounds grew and my hands became more daring, pressing, grabbing his ass, inciting him to go deeper and harder, he shuddered and came hard, freeing a primal growl.

He stayed motionless on top of me, trying to catch his breath, gently kissing my face, all urgency gone from his body. He rolled us so I rested on top of him, with his chest as a pillow. He caressed my hair as I focused on his heartbeat to control my unfulfilled desire. It was wonderful, and intense, and I felt on the brink of orgasm, but it never came.

There was something missing.

I could tell you I hated missionary position, which by the way isn't one of my favorites, or that I needed a little longer, but I'd be lying.

"I need to clean up," I said when I managed to find my voice.

"So do I," he smirked. "Let's take a shower together. Let me make it up to you this time," he said suggestively.

I got up a little brusquely, suddenly too aware of being naked.

"I don't think that's a good idea, I'm really tired. I just need to freshen up a little." I walked straight to the bathroom, locking the door behind me.

I sat for a long time in the shower stall, long after washing every remnant of him off my body. There would be time the following day to worry about having been irresponsible, since we didn't use a condom. Pregnancy was not what worried me, though, because I was on the pill. Dumb paradoxes aside, the warmth of the shower wasn't preventing how cold I felt, detached even.

When I finally got out and dried myself, I was half-expecting to see an empty bed, and admittedly would have preferred that to have been the case. But as I opened the bathroom's door, I realized there would be no such luck.

He sat on the bed with his legs hanging off, his elbows over his knees for leverage as he supported his head's weight on his hands, which rested on his forehead. As soon as he realized that I stood in front of him, his head snapped up.

"Bella," he said slowly, "what's wrong?"

AN:

There was a problem over the last update… That's what happens when you use your phone to write and update a chapter.

Many of you will hate me now, and I'm glad I live in Portugal. This chapter is kind of raw, but hopefully it will serve its purpose. Now this was something huge… I decided to update a little shorter chapter sooner rather than a longer one later. I felt like this was a good point to end and regroup.

As always take care, and enjoy the reading. There will be a HEA if you make it to the end (but after this I'm not sure you'll stick around).

Take care,

Nofrure.