Chapter 17
"The barn's full of walkers"
It's echoing in my head as I stare at Glenn blinking
My immediate instinct is to take the kids and get the hell out of dodge, but I push it down as Rick finally speaks up
"I'm sorry? What?" he asks as if hoping that Glenn was just messing around
"There's walkers in the barn; a lot of them" Glenn says and before I can even form a complete thought everyone is on their feet and heading towards the barn, Shane in the lead
I glance at the kids and Daryl the only other people who didn't move besides me. He shrugs and starts heading towards the barn. Not wanting to be left out of the group I grasp Penny's hand and encircle my other arm around Anneliese protectively and follow the group.
Just as I come to a stop, Shane is walking up to Rick
"You can't tell me you're alright with this" he growls
"No, I'm not but we're guests here, this isn't our land" Rick replies as Shane brushes past him
"Oh God this is our lives man!"
"Lower your voice" Glenn tries to interject
"We can't just sweep this under the rug" Andrea adds oh so helpfully
"It aint right not remotely. We either gotta go in there, we gotta make things right. Or we just gotta go. Now we've been talking about Fort Benning for a long time now- "
"We can't go" Rick cuts Shane off
"Why Rick? Why?"
"Because my daughter's still out there" Carol cuts in and when Shane lets out a bitter laugh and covers his face, I edge closer to Carl and pull Jackson and Penny as close to me as I can.
"Carol, I think it's time that we all start to just consider the other possibilities" apparently Shane is going to try the diplomatic approach
"Shane!" Lori gasps at the same time that Rick says we're not leaving Sophia behind
"I'm close to finding this girl, I just found her damn doll the other day" Daryl says walking from the back of the group to the front
"You found her doll Daryl. That's what you did, you found a DOLL" Shane retorts mockingly
"You don't know what the hell you're talking bout!" Daryl practically yells stepping even closer to Shane causing Rick to put a hand up between the two of them. And all I can think is good luck Rick hope you don't lose your arm when those two let lose.
"I'm just saying what needs to be said around here. Now you get a good lead the first 48 hours and let me tell you something else" Shane is ranting all the while Rick is telling him to stop
"If she was alive out there and saw you comin' all methed out with your buck knife, geek ears round your neck, she would run in the other direction!" Shane yells and sensing an explosion I reach past Penny and grasp Carl's shoulder to pull him back into me, effectively sandwiching Penny between me and him.
"Shut up!" Rick tries at the same time Daryl lunges for Shane, all of a sudden everyone is yelling and trying to pull the two apart as they try to land punches on each other. I can make out Shane yelling that he'll beat Daryl's ass and I almost laugh, he couldn't if he tried.
They finally get them apart and Shane shoves Lori away from him "Keep your hands off me" he growls, and Lori looks around and meets my eyes from where I'm standing back from the group with all 3 kids practically cowering against me.
"Just let me talk to Herschel. Let me figure it out" Rick says as Shane starts walking away
"What're you gonna figure out?!" Shane yells and it seems that's the straw that broke the camel's back with Anneliese as she starts wailing
"Enough!" Lori practically yells at Shane
"If we're gonna stay. If we're gonna clear this barn. I gotta talk him into it. This is his land!"
"Herschel sees those things in there as people" Dale interjects, and I try not to take a step back while calming the screaming infant.
"Sick people, his wife, his stepson" Dale continues
"You knew?" Rick asks
"Yesterday, I talked to him" well damn not one but two people of our group knew we were neighbors with a barn full of walkers
"And you waited the night?" Shane asks and I can't help but kind of agree with him
"I thought we could survive one more night and we did" Dale retorts as I finally get Anneliese slightly settled with her pacifier "I was waiting til this morning to say something, but Glenn wanted to be the one"
"That man is crazy Rick! If Herschel thinks those things are alive!" and just like that Shane is yelling again Rick is yelling over him trying to get him to stop and Anneliese is crying
"No!" Shane yells at Rick and before Rick can say or rather yell anything back our attention is pulled to the burn at the sudden sound of chains rattling and rather loud growls
It seems we've attracted the walker's attention
Everyone save for Anneliese falls silent and I start pulling the kids away from the barn
"Come on get back to the RV" I instruct Carl and Jackson and give them a nudge up the slight hill to camp
"Let's go Penny" I say pulling her along and away from the barn all the while trying to soothe Anneliese
I don't bother looking back to see if any of the group is following. Do I feel safe being neighbors with a walker barn? No but will I be screaming my damn head off in front of it? Again no
I love this group and I feel safe with this group but sometimes they have no goddamn sense and it just seems to be getting worse every day.
I usher the kids into the RV but have them bypass the table and instead go to the bedroom area, I ask Carl, Jackson and Penny to just relax and look at their magazines or play a game or something while I calm Anneliese.
It doesn't take Anneliese too long to calm down now that we're in a calm environment and once she's calm, I join the kids on the bed playing candy land.
Me nor the kids leave the bedroom for a while and I'm doing everything I can to distract them when a knock sounds from the other side of the door.
"Yeah?" I call breaking from my reading
"Hey" Lori says pushing the door open
"Hi" I greet back
"Lunch is ready" she says, and I nod but after a second of none of us moving I get off the bed
"C'mon you heard her, it's time for lunch" I tell the kids and they move as one out of the bedroom and RV, but I hang back to secure a now sleeping Anneliese in the sling
"Thanks for watching him" Lori speaks up
"You're welcome" I say moving to walk past her
"Hey, uhm if it's okay I'd like to join y'all working on schoolwork after lunch" she says
"Okay" I say trying to figure out why she's asking permission. Carl is her kid after all.
The lunch she and Carol prepared is bland and simple, but I'm not going to complain. Afterall they still haven't decided on when they are going to do any runs or what those runs will be for.
After lunch the kids, Lori and I set up at a picnic table beneath a nearby tree and while Lori monitors Jackson and Carl in the workbooks, I work with Penny on letters.
"Mom?" Carl speaks up not too long after we get started
"Yeah?"
"Does Shane think Sophia is dead?" he asks making my head fly up to stare at Lori, she glances my way briefly before focusing her attention on Carl
"Shane's just scared"
"Of the walkers in the barn?" apparently, we are playing 20 questions about Shane's motives
"Yeah" Lori answers and I can tell she would rather not be answering at all.
"Mom, I'm not leaving until we find Sophia. And I don't want to go even after that"
"Well, we're not leaving, carl." Well we will be if Shane doesn't calm his shit
"You finish those problems" Lori tells him trying to redirect his attention
"I just think she; she's gonna like it here. This place, it could be a home" Carl says, and I meet Lori's eyes as she pulls Carl in for a hug
I've never met Sophia, but I can't even imagine Jack or Penny being able to survive in the woods with walkers and no weapons or food. With extreme luck some good person found her, but the chances were slim.
"Now c'mon get back to work" Lori says once again redirecting his focus
A little while later I pass by Dale heading out of the RV with a huge black trash bag and no one on watch, while heading into the RV to change and feed Anneliese.
I'm resnapping the baby's onesie when I hear Glenn calling for Dale, and I'm just about to see what's wrong when he practically flies into the RV
"Have you seen Dale?" he asks
"He was walking off with a bag when I came up here" I tell him, and he nods kind of tilting his head
"Alright I'm gonna go back on watch" he says, and I just stare after him as he leaves.
Trying to shake off the bad feeling that I have I go about making Anneliese a bottle, deciding that Lori couldn't possibly lose all 3 kids, I stay in the RV to feed Anneliese.
Anneliese is babbling up a storm as we leave the RV. And the first thing I notice is that Lori is not sitting with the kids, instead she's sitting at the fire cutting up carrots. Penny is coloring and both Jack and Carl appear to be reading.
I'm just sitting down at the table when I notice Shane approaching Lori and crouching down in front of her. I'm not watching them with all my attention but I'm definitely keeping them in the corner of my eye.
It doesn't take long for Shane to storm away from Lori, and Lori is left looking very shaken.
Shane is heading right past us and as he walks by Carl calls his name and stands up
"Can I talk to you for a sec?" Carl asks and Shane stops; glancing at me and then at carl before he grabs Carl's arm and pulls him a little bit away but not far enough that I wouldn't be able to hear what they were saying.
"You okay?" he asks Carl
"Yeah. I know you think Sophia's dead and that we should stop looking for her. But that's bullshit" my eyebrows shoot to my hairline in surprise at Carl's language
"Hey man, watch your mouth" Shane admonishes but Carl just keeps on talking
"We're gonna stay here until we find her"
"You think that's what we should do?" Shane asks and he's making me want to grab carl away from him with the way he's shifting.
"It's what I know we should do"
"Then we stay. That means we got to do whatever we go to do to make that happen." Carl makes a confused noise and I almost echo him this Shane makes me nervous.
"Like helping out with chores" Shane says leaning down to look Carl in the eye
"Carl!" Lori calls and Shane quickly stands up and tells Carl to see what his mom wants. Shane stands still for a few minutes and then heads towards the RV. And after a moment I follow him to get a blanket for Anneliese.
Whatever I expected him to be doing in the RV was very different from what I found. Everything was a mess and he was throwing shit all about the bedroom.
"Shane! What the hell!" I exclaim
"Where's the bag?!" he growls turning to face me
"What bag?" my own voice rising
"The gun bag, where is it?!"
"I don't know!" I almost yell back and he throws whatever he was holding down in anger and goes to storm out of the RV except that there's not enough room between the counter and me for him to get past so his shoulder collides roughly with mine, knocking me off balance and out of the way
"Jesus Christ Shane!" I exclaim and walk to the doorway to see him calling up to Glenn
"Which way did he go?"
"Who?" Glenn asks confused
"Don't even try to shit me, okay?"
"What?" Glenn tries but Shane cuts him off
"Dale, Glenn. Did you see where Dale went?"
"Yeah, he asked me to run and get him some water. Said he'd cover me on watch"
"And he was gone when you got back, huh?"
"Yeah, you think he's okay?" Glenn questions
"Oh, he's fine" Shane growls
"Then why'd he bail?" poor innocent Glenn I think
"So, you wouldn't tell me which way he went" Shane growls before storming off.
Sighing to myself I step out the RV door and peer up at Glenn
"What happened in there?" He calls down to me
"From what I gathered Shane was looking for the gun bag that Dale had" I tell him
"I heard yall yelling. You okay?" he asks
"Yeah he just knocked me off balance. I'm fine. All our stuffs a mess though."
"I'm sorry" he says, and I shake my head at him
"You didn't throw it everywhere" I tell him before going back inside the RV and attempting to straighten our stuff.
When I leave the RV Glenn is no longer on watch, in fact nobody is. It looks like everyone is gathered at the porch including the kids. Beth is braiding Penny's hair by the looks of it while Patricia sits reading a book, and Carl and Jackson read their comics. Just as I join them and am about to ask on the missing people's whereabouts T-Dog and Andrea approach and beat me to the punch.
"Do you know what's going on?" T-Dog asks at the same time Andrea asks where everyone is
"You haven't seen Rick?" Glenn questions standing
"He went off with Herschel. We were supposed to leave a couple hours ago" Andrea answers and while they're standing in front of the porch, I step up onto it next to Beth and tuck the blanket more snuggly around Anneliese, where she's relaxing in the carrier.
"Yeah you were. What the hell?" Daryl says approaching with Carol
"Rick told us he was going out"
"Damn it. Isn't anybody taking this seriously" Daryl vents "We got us a damn trail" he says turning around to gesture at the woods but falling short
"Oh, here we go" he says walking towards where Shane is fast approaching with the bag of guns and I'm instantly concerned that Dale isn't with him.
"What's all this?" Daryl asks
"You with me, man?" Shane asks rather than answering
"Yeah" Daryl says taking the offered shot gun
"Time to grow up" Shane says to the rest of us before asking Andrea if she's got her gun
"Yeah, where's dale?" she asks
"He's on his way" yeah that's not suspicious Shane, not at all
"Thought we couldn't carry" T-Dog asks taking a gun from Shane. I pull Penny off Beth's lap and wrap my arm around her. There's no telling what was about to happen
"We can and we have to. Look it was one thing sitting around here picking daisies when we thought this place was supposed to be safe. But now we know it aint" at this Carl stands up and moves as if to walk down the steps leaving me frantically trying to grasp his shoulder to pull him back to me, he may not be my kid but seeing as how I don't see either of his parents I'm going to watch out for him
"How about you, man? You gonna protect yours?" Shane asks Glenn and after glancing at Maggie he takes the gun
"That's it!" he says encouragingly before turning to Maggie "Can you shoot?"
"Can you stop?" she retorts "You do this, you hand out these guns, my dad will make you leave tonight."
"We have to stay Shane" Carl demands, moving away from me and down the steps to stand in front of Shane
"What is this?" Lori asks coming from the side of the house and glancing at everyone there, but Shane just ignores her
"We ain't going anywhere okay? Now look! Herschel, he's just gotta understand. Okay? He's well he's gonna have to. Now we need to find Sophia am I right?" he asks crouching in front of Carl
"Huh? Now I want you to take this." Shane says to Carl holding out a small pistol "You take it, Carl and you keep your mother safe. You do whatever it takes. You know how. Go on, take the gun and do it" But before Carl can take the gun from Shane Lori rushes down the steps and pushes Carl behind her
"Rick said no guns. This is not your call. This is not your decision to make" she growls at Shane
"Oh Shit." T-dog exclaims and almost in sync we turn and look in the direction that he is.
What we see makes my stomach drop and me to grasp penny and Jackson closer to me.
Rick, Herschel and Jimmy are leading two walkers out of the woods on poles.
The group takes off towards them, I try to hold Jackson back with me, not wanting to get any more involved but he breaks away from me and catches up to carl rather quickly.
"Fuck" I mumble sweeping Penny up into my arms and jogging after the group.
By the time I join the group who stopped outside the barn, Shane is angerly circling Herschel, Rick and the walkers.
"I see who I'm holding onto" Herschel yells in reply to whatever Shane said
"No man you don't."
"Shane just let us do this than we can talk" Rick tries placating Shane, but it doesn't seem to be working
"What you want to talk about Rick?" Shane yells as I place Penny on the ground and make her stand behind me while reaching out and pulling Jack to my side as we move more behind Lori
"There things aint sick. They're not people. They're dead. Ain't gonna feel nothing for them cause all they do, they kill! These things right here, they're the things that killed Amy!" he yells
I have no clue who Amy is or was, but it seems to have been someone close to Andrea
"They killed Otis! They're gonna kill all of us!"
"Shane Shut Up!" Ricks yells
"Hey, Herschel man, let me ask you something could a living breathing person, could they walk away from this?" at the sight of Shane taking out his gun and cocking it I press Anneliese's head to my chest, one hand covering one of her ears while the other is pressed against my chest and I do the same with Penny pressing her head into my hip, in anticipation of what was about to happen.
3 shots ring out and I feel both of my girls jerk and I know instantly that Anneliese is awake as she starts wailing but Shane doesn't stop there
"That's 3 rounds in the chest. Could someone who's alive, could they just take that?! Why is it still coming?"
2 more shots echo, and I catch a faint glimpse of Herschel's devasted face
"That's its heart, its lungs. Why is still coming."
2 more shots
"Shane enough!" ricks yells
"Yeah, you're right, man. That is enough" Shane says walking up to the walker and shooting it in the head Herschel falls to his knees as the walker falls and I watch as Shane starts pacing towards the barn
"Enough! Risking our lives for a little girl who's gone! Enough living next to a barn full of things that are trying to kill us. Enough! Rick it aint like it was before! Now if yall wanna live, if you want to survive, you got to fight for it! I'm talking about fighting right here, right now!" he yells before making a run for the barn
"Take the snare pole!" rick says trying to hand it off to Herschel, but he just stays on the ground unmoving, unseeing "Take it now Herschel!" I've never heard Rick sound so desperate and my heart breaks a little. But Anneliese is still wailing, and I can feel penny crying against me.
Shane starts hitting the chains on the barn with a pickaxe
"Shane no! do not do this, brother. Wait!" Rick tries to call to Shane, but I doubt Shane could hear him even if he did want to listen.
"Rick!" Lori yells and Rick echoes, it with his own please to Shane but Shane isn't listening, instead he's pulling the board off the barn and backing away.
Glancing around I see Maggie with her arms around her father, Carol standing off to the side and Lori trying to push Carl behind her. Making eye contact with Lori, she seems to make a split-second decision and pushes Carl towards me while withdrawing her own gun.
I fall to the ground gracelessly and make Jackson move so Penny is squished between us and then I gesture Carl in with my now free arm. Both boys cover their own ears and lean they're head down and into my sides while I frantically cover both Anneliese and Penny's ears.
The doors seem to open in slow motion, but once they're open walkers are pouring out. Shane takes the first shot as Andrea and T-Dog run up to join him. Within seconds most of the group is shooting at the walkers and all I can do is hold all four kids as close to me as I can. I faintly hear Glenn ask Maggie for permission and see her nod the okay. But then my focus is pulled to Rick as he starts shouting for Herschel to take the pole, but before he can Shane turns and shoots the walker causing rick to drop the pole and stumble. Rick glances back at Lori and then at me and the kids
"Stay back!" Rick yells back at us
Within a minute maybe 2 the final shot rings out and then there's an odd silence, filled with Anneliese's cries and the sniffles of the kids.
Everyone starts to lower their guns and then there's a small growl from inside the barn and everyone tenses raising their guns once again, and out steps a little girl.
"Sophia!" Carol sobs running towards the walker, but Daryl catches her just in time. Carols sobs are heart breaking and I press the kids closer to me as Lori stumbles back mumbling no over and over again.
No one moves at first, and then rick steps up
A single shot rings through the air.
Carol's cries are heart breaking as she breaks away from Daryl and runs back towards camp. Lori starts to move towards me and the kids just as Beth runs towards the walkers laying on the ground her sobs filling the air.
Rick tries to stop her, but she just rushes past him and rolls over a walker with what was probably gorgeous chestnut colored hair.
"Ma" Beth whispers just before the walker growls and grabs Beth's hair as she starts screaming. Almost everyone runs to pull her away from the walker, even Herschel. My eyes widen when Andrea picks up a scythe and stabs it through the walker's skull.
Herschel and Patricia start ushering Beth up towards the house and Lori comes and helps the kids and me up off the ground. Before we start moving too, but it doesn't seem like Shane is done yet
"We've been out. We've been combing these woods looking for her and she was in there all along" he says jogging after Herschel and after a look our way rick follows Shane
"You knew" Shane yells at the family who has just watched their loved ones, neighbors die a second time
"Leave us alone"
"You knew and you kept it from us" that's the last of the conversation I can hear as they're out of earshot.
"C'mon let's get them into the RV" Lori says, and I nod picking up Penny and following Lori and carl to the RV
My attention is pulled to the group at the base of the Green's stairs when a slap echoes through the air followed by Maggie yelling "Don't touch him!" shaking my head in disbelief I move further into the RV and secure the door behind me.
Lori and Carl sit at the table while me, Jack, Penny and Annelise sit in the bedroom.
It takes me almost half an hour to get Anneliese settled and, in that time, Carl and Jackson went with Lori up to the house and Penny fell asleep.
At the sound of the RV door opening I move out of the bedroom and pull the door closed behind me
"Hey" I greet upon seeing Daryl leaning against the counter and he just grunts in response
"You okay?" I ask after a second
"I'm fine" he replies gruffly, and I just raise my eyebrows
"How're the kids?" he asks biting his thumb nail.
"They're okay, Penny fell asleep and Carl and Jack are up at the house. This one is still calming down a little." I tell him glancing down at the baby whose letting out an occasional hiccup
My eyes fly up when Daryl moves towards us and he stops so close that my arm – that's cradling Anneliese – is brushing against his stomach.
"You'll be okay darlin'" he says to her softly while running a hand down her face and unsurprisingly it helps soothe her even more.
Raising my eyes Daryl and I hold eye contact and I barely breathe. I don't know what I wanted or expected to happen, but our gaze is broken at the sound of 2 voices screaming mom outside.
Pushing past Daryl, I rush out of the RV and stop at the bottom of the steps as Jackson slides to a stop.
"What's wrong?" I ask grabbing his shoulder,
"Beth passed out" he breathes out and my eyes widen
"Where's Herschel?"
"I don't know, I came to get you and Carl went to get his mom"
I glance frantically behind me at Daryl who is staring right back at me.
"Go up to the house I'll stay here with Penny" he tells me, and I nod my thanks before following Jackson back to the house
"Go back to wherever you were with Carl" I tell him, and he does as I move up the stairs towards where I can hear people talking.
"What happened?" I ask when I come across the room
"She just passed out and it's like she's awake but she's not?" Glenn tells me sounding very confused himself
"She's probably in shock" Lori's voice comes from behind me and I nod in agreement.
"Where's Herschel?" Lori asks
"We can't find him" Glenn answers and I just look at him, where could Herschel have gone?
I don't hang around much longer as there isn't anything, I can do so I head back to the RV and relieve Daryl and my gaze lingers a little longer than it probably should while he's leaving.
I'm just settling Anneliese to eat when the RV door opens again
"Hey Gen" Rick greets
"Hi Rick. What's up?" I ask
"I'm heading into town with Glenn to look for Herschel."
"Okay. Please be safe" I tell him
"I will, look Gen can you just keep an eye on Carl for me please" he asks
"Yeah of course"
"I just I don't know things feel weird now"
"I agree Rick. I'll watch him" I tell him, and he nods
"Be safe okay? We need you back here" I instruct, and he laughs
"Yeah I'll be safe. See you soon" he says before leaving the RV
I make the decision that it would be easier to watch the kids up at the house, so I wake Penny and gather the necessities, including a few board games and we head up to the house.
I have all the kids gather in the living room and then I check in with Maggie and Beth.
"Is she any better?" I ask and Maggie shakes her head
Since she doesn't seem to want company, I go back to the living room and oversee the intense game of candy land.