Author's Notes: Well, another year's gone by. Well, technically just another day, and June 13th is not a particularly special day at that, but this day's important because… (drum roll) …this is Continuance's second birthday! Birthday? Anniversary? Either way, this 'little project' has been trundling along for two years now. I'm not sure about you guys, but I've been having a blast, and I can say that there's still lots of story to come, lots of characters to get into and arcs to see before we're done. And you'll know when it's all done, because there will be tears.
Anyway, because this worked well with Change of Engagement (my Persona 3 fic, starring Minato and Mitsuru. Check it out if you're into that), I'll make some personal replies the reviews for the last chapter here, so none of my beautiful readers feel left out. And these are in no particular order:
Jake-Everfree – Tough love, my friend. I do it because I love all of you. And because it'll make this chapter that much better, so I hope you like it.
Meia42 – That is some pretty impressive timing, I must say. Good to know my work warrants a reread, and I appreciate your comments. It's encouraging that the little nuances I'm aiming for are coming across well. And I thought Souji did pretty well last chapter too – he and Naoto are becoming really fun to write.
GhostBit – Better late than never, right? I always find it hard to believe that my work can have such a strong effect on others, but if it does indeed help to eat up the empty hours, then I'm happy to keep going. There's still a lot more to come. The next few chapters will involve the rest of the Investigation Team, then we're back to mostly Souji and Yukiko, so I hope that you enjoy the ride. Thanks again for the PM.
ByLanternLight – Glad you like her. Exploring her character's proving to be quite interesting, especially with what I have in mind for her, with Souji, Kanji, and all the others in the future chapters. So if this tickled your fancy, then stay tuned.
Ulcaasi – Yep, that was the beginning arc, so lots more to come. And I'm glad they're coming across well. Getting in their heads is always the tricky part with the rest of the team, especially since I'm working on a post-game piece so I have to try and make them consistent, but developing in a realistic way as well. But if you say I'm getting that right, then I'll take your word for it. Thanks for the reviews, and hope you enjoy the chapter.
Blitzshine – I am indeed. Absent, but never truly gone. Not so long as this story needs writing, and it has quite a ways to go from here. Ups and downs and twists and turns, lots of fun coming up, and I'll be damned if I stop it after coming this far.
Kyral – If I can write the characters to satisfy a hard fan of theirs, then I'll take that as high praise. And it's much appreciated since this isn't the last we'll be seeing of them, directly or otherwise. And as for Souji, I like throwing my primaries into support roles sometimes, or having things happen that don't involve them at all. Gives the others a chance to shine, and they're all interesting people to explore. So, on that note, hope you like this one.
darrelodin – Thanks for the praise, and I will certainly try to keep it up. I'm not sure about perfectly, but if you and all the others say so, then I'll have to take that as fact. Thanks for the review.
Now that the dedications are tended to, go forth and enjoy!
Chapter 22
Tatsumi Kanji had been through a lot of ups and downs in his life. And all of those ups and downs had come with a complimentary ticket for the most twisted track of his own emotional roller coaster. His father dying and leaving him without a male role model when he was young; trying to take care of his mother to the point of tearing through the local biker gangs just so she could get some sleep; becoming the mask of the reckless, dangerous kid to do what he thought he had to do; having his past come to life in that gods-forsaken sauna; and, finally, Senpai's talks that led him to really feel like himself again. And he wasn't ashamed of any of that now. He could face the past and deal with it, like he'd promised Senpai, and he'd grow from his mistakes.
But that resolution was hard to hang onto when he was feeling this way and he had no one and nothing else to blame it on except himself. Sure, that wasn't a particularly new feeling, but it didn't make the realization any easier to take, and knowing the nature of the problem simply wasn't making him feel calm or in control. No, he was feeling like himself, and himself was leaving him pretty fucking pissed right now.
It was a few days after he'd told Naoto point-blank that he liked her, that she was pretty impressive on her own. And more than impressive, which she seemed to pick up on. That was the problem though – in the past few days, he hadn't heard a thing in return. No calls to say he'd been unprofessional or crossed the line, no complaints to his mother or his other clientele, and no message left saying that she wanted to discuss the matter. He'd thought that the worst that could've happened was her turning down his attentions and cutting him off. Much as that would've made things awkward around them when the group got together, he'd thought he could handle it. Or maybe they could work something out so things would be civil. But now he was reconsidering that idea because the silence was driving him up the wall. Sure, she didn't talk much in the first place, and that was fine because he never knew what to say around her anyway, but even her chewing him out would have been a welcome change to this.
For him, not knowing where he stood was the one position that pissed him off the most. He couldn't go forward because he wanted to see what Naoto would do, and he wasn't sure if he should call and apologize because, really, had he done something wrong? It left him at a mental stalemate, and he itched with frustration, heat and sparks putting his nerves on edge and shortening his now-volatile temper.
He shouldn't've listened to Kirigaya before he talked to Naoto. It was his fault that things were this awkward and that he made as much sense as he did.
It had been a few days before that last appointment. He'd been looking up at the shrine from the sidewalk, feeling an odd mix of peace and agitation stirring under his skin, prickling at his nerves like his limbs had fallen asleep and then come back awake. But remembering when Naoto came to get her clothes sized gave him a sense of calm that he was still getting used to, and it wasn't until his cheeks started getting sore that he realized that he was smiling. He thought about her hesitance, her inquisitive look around his work space, how much she'd grown since he'd seen her and started filling out her clothes, and her longer hair that added a softness and a maturity to her that he didn't think he'd ever see. She was plenty mature as it was, after all, so seeing her even more so while she hadn't changed in the least was a welcome and unexpected surprise.
Which, of course, made trying to talk to her on a deeper level, to push things a bit and see where they could go, if they could, and explore things together, a lot harder. She was hard to talk to when he wasn't sure how he felt or what he was trying to say – now that he had the words, saying them became that much harder. Which was why he found himself at the shrine, a messy human stew of twitchy agitation, steady calm, and, though he'd die before admitting it, deep affection.
He'd been about to head up to the shrine itself, considering how well he got along with the fox, when Kirigaya turned the corner at the intersection and called out to him, immediately coming over to talk. And that was exactly what happened – Kirigaya talked, starting by thanking Kanji for putting in a good word for him with Souji-senpai, then mentioning some new manga he'd picked up and their authors and characters, and finally mentioning the different drawing techniques used in some of those manga. The funny thing was, Kanji was still thinking over his situation with Naoto by the time Kirigaya finished, since the one-sided greeting had taken less than three minutes from start to finish, which was pretty long for Kirigaya.
"So what're you doing here?" Kirigaya asked, finally taking note of the torii and the shrine steps nearby. "I thought you'd be working or running errands."
"Needed to think," was Kanji's simple response, glancing up to the top of the hill again. Now that he thought about it, maybe the fox needed a new bib. Odds were that, for all the donation money it got, no one considered its needs. His mind immediately went back into his memories, recalling what he bib looked like and what designs were on it. Maybe a good deed like that would spot him some good luck. Enough for him to figure out this thing with Naoto. "And it's not bad out here. Good air, nice breeze, helps clear my head." To prove his point, he took in a deep breath of air so cold that it stung his throat and lungs, but it wasn't enough to make him shiver. Unlike Kirigaya, who was bundled up to the ears in layers and hats and still looked like he was trying to stop from shivering.
But the shivering wasn't in his voice when he spoke. "Something bothering you?"
Kanji blinked, then glanced to the side, looking at his friend. "Nothing more than usual. Why?"
Kirigaya shrugged, letting out a long stream of white breath on the exhale. "I'm not sure. You just seem more… I don't know what the word is. You're different from before, that's all."
Kanji wasn't sure what prompted him to say it, or if he'd given it any thought before he opened his mouth. Maybe he needed to talk to someone about the situation with Naoto, to hear his thoughts spoken out loud, to get some perspective. "Just thinking about a friend," he replied shortly, stuffing his hands in his pockets.
"Are you talking about Seta-san?" Souji-senpai hadn't had the time to talk to Kirigaya about Ebihara Ai yet, so it made sense that's where his mind would go first.
Kanji shook his head and readjusted his jacket. "No. Shirogane Naoto. We worked together last year, and she came into the store the other day. It was good to see her again, and just made things… I dunno. Different."
"Shirogane? Oh, you mean the Detective Prince? I've heard about him. Her," he replied quickly, even faster than his usual 250 words/minute when he was excited. "Like how she's one of the most popular students in her year, but she doesn't like the attention, so she doesn't talk to very many people. I heard that Seta-san was on her short list, though. Like, one of the people she'd talk to regularly. Probably not a big surprise there."
"Senpai got along with almost everyone," Kanji replied shortly once he interpreted exactly what had been said. "And it's not like she's a snob or looks down on people and refuses to talk to them because she's better than them. It's more like…" he looked into the trees, deep in thought and trying to find the right words. "…like she's better at facts and mysteries than with people problems. I mean, you'd never hear about her pining after some guy because she thought he was good looking or something. She's too smart for that. And that's why she's hard to talk to. For me, anyway."
Kirigaya was quiet for moment, and only a moment, as he processed the information, his eyebrows furrowed in thought. The look in his eyes showed that he picked up on what Kanji was really saying, or at least knew enough to put a few pieces together. Then he looked up with that familiar gleam in his eye, and Kanji's groan was swept away by a new wave of enthusiasm, riding on the current of manga-nese. "If Naoto-san's hard to talk to, then maybe she's kinda like Touma Saya, from SPEC. Really smart with books and academics and stuff, but she doesn't connect with people because she can't read to mood around people as well. If that's the case, then it's easy to see why she might not socialize much – because she has a problem with reading people's feelings."
Kanji blinked in surprise. For Kirigaya comparing Naoto to a girl from a manga or a TV show, or whatever he was talking about, that actually made a bit of sense. Some, but not a whole lot. "She's pretty good around people too, you know," he supplied. "Not like Senpai when it comes to getting through to them, but she's not bad on her own."
Unabated, Kirigaya continued with only the slightest pause, getting into his element. "Or maybe she's like Pao-Lin Huang, from Tiger & Bunny. I mean, I heard that Naoto-san doesn't wear the standard girl's uniform to school, so do you think she's got something against her feminine image? Prefers the male side of things because it's what she understands? She doesn't sound like the sort to wear makeup or skirts, from how you've described her." Kanji tried imagining Naoto in a skirt, maybe in a girl's school uniform, and found the image both weird in its unfamiliarity and very appealing, like he was seeing a side of her that he knew she'd never show anyone. The makeup was a total bust though – there was no way she'd wear stuff like that without there being a professional angle to it. Kirigaya kept going, unabated. "Could also be that she's like Asada Shino. Sword Art Online, if you've heard of it."
Kanji's eyes narrowed at the familiar title from the poster he'd seen on the book store's front window. "Ain't that a series of books about a girl who's into shooter games and gets trapped in an online game or something? Like, they have to play the game and win or it kills them? Naoto ain't like that at all. I mean, maybe the shooting part, but I dunno if she's ever played a video game."
Kirigaya, of course, picked up on where Kanji tripped up and tilted his head to the side, curiosity evident in his eyes and features. "Hm? She's into shooting? Like, guns?"
"Uh, well, kinda. Not like in games, but she– Nah, nevermind. Point is, she's not into gaming, so I dunno where you're getting that idea from."
That seemed to be enough, because his friend scratched behind his ear in thought, setting his earrings tapping against each other, before he made his next suggestion. "Asada's known for her distant personality. She uses the games to get over her fear of guns, which is the result of a trauma in her past. And because of all that, she's pretty distant. Maybe that's how Naoto-san is."
Naoto had lost her parents when she was young. Kanji remembered how calm she'd been when she told the story. But that was it – she wasn't hung up on their deaths. She was proud of who and what she was, more so now than before. She wasn't running from anything. She wasn't the type. "I wouldn't call her distant," Kanji murmured. "She opens up just fine around the others, and she doesn't run from anything. Just that I ain't got a clue as to how to talk to her."
Kirigaya continued, undaunted by the task of trying characterize a person he'd never talked to in person. "But there are bits and pieces of this that we can use, right? Like if we found some other characters to compare her to, maybe we could see what sorts of approaches work best. Then we can see what works for you."
"Are you basing these ideas of yours off of any real people?" Kanji demanded, getting tired of the questions. "Because it seems like all your examples are chicks from manga or shows or whatever. Naoto ain't some 2D brush job, you know – she's a real person. So if you're gonna help me, shouldn't we be looking at real people and how they react to figure this out?"
Most people would have cowered in the face of Kanji's temper. To his credit, Kirigaya just flinched a bit. And Kanji wasn't sure if that was a flinch or just more shivering. "Well… the creators of those shows and manga base their characters of real people and character traits, and the way you've described Naoto-san, it seems like there're some similarities. And lots of people like those characters because of how real they seem, so it's not that farfetched."
Kanji grunted, half turning in place. "I think it'd be pretty tough to get attached to a girl on a page. Nothin' against you, just that they ain't like normal girls."
One of Kirigaya's hands tilted up in a 'what can you do?' gesture. "Say that about Kinoko Nasu and one of his lead heroines from Fate/Stay Night, Tohsaka Rin. She's got her own international fan club because of how real she seems, and it's hard to overlook something when that many people agree with it. To get back to my point though, you seem to know Naoto-san pretty well. So why're you thinking it over?" There wasn't any sarcasm in the question. He was genuinely curiously.
Kanji narrowed his eyes. Why wouldn't he think things over? He did a lot of thinking, no matter what those idiots at school said. "What do you mean? Thinking what over?"
There was a rustle as Kirigaya shifted his weight from one foot to the other. "Well, you had a reason for why she was different every time I names a character she could've been like. Seems to me you couldn't do that if she were a complete stranger. If you're already this well acquainted, then why is it hard to talk to her?"
Kanji snorted in irritation. More at himself for tripping over his own ideas than at Kirigaya for making his points. "Because she ain't a complete stranger. I know her enough to describe her because we worked together, like I said before. We hung out with the same crowd, have a few of the same friends, that sorta thing. Sure, we knew each other well enough to keep things going easy, but this is different. I mean, some things just don't come up in discussions at the table over Topsicles and ikayaki, right?"
Kirigaya's eyes lit up and he became more animated, eager to make another point and, probably, to keep warm. "But maybe that's the point – if you're looking for the right situation or time and place and it's not coming, then maybe waiting's more trouble than it's worth. Make your own situation and setting and time, or just go ahead in spite of what's going on. Not making that decision's the same as overthinking it to death, right?"
Kanji's teeth gritted as his past attempts of talking to Naoto came to mind. How the wrong words always seemed to come out, no matter how he tried to make them work for him. "So I should just say it out loud then? Screw the buildup and the problems it might cause, just tell her that she's a great person to be around and that I wanna be more than friends. Point blank and in person, that what you think?"
He got a shrug as a response. "Well, it does seem like something you'd do. It really seems like something you'd do, actually."
Kirigaya was right on that point: It was something he'd do. That was the problem. "It's crazy. I've tried that, and it hasn't worked yet. Keep saying the wrong things, or she misses the point, or Yosuke-senpai makes some smartass joke and things move on. If getting things through to her were that simple, I wouldn't need any help."
"I'd say to tell her in a way that she can't misinterpret, then. Tell her or show her and make it so you're completely clear. She sounds like a smart girl, so I'm sure she'll get the point if the evidence is in front of her."
Oddly, Kirigaya being right about Naoto's strong acumen only irritated Kanji more. He leaned forward and down, closing the height distance between them, and gave a sharp stare that he knew was bordering on challenging. "Hmph. Yeah, right. Tell her straight. That worked for you yet?"
That made Kirigaya back up a bit, his momentum lost by the mention of his object of affections. "I'm… uh… I'm waiting on that for now. I thought I'd see what worked for you since you're further along with Naoto-san than I am with… well, never mind. I mean, until I talk to Seta-san, or learn more about Ai-san, there's not much to do, right?"
Kanji checked his watch and realized he had to get back to the shop – he had appointments to see to, and maybe working with his hands would help things make sense in his head. And whether Kirigaya had run out of steam, or had gotten cold feet when someone brought up Ebihara, he said his farewells a minute or two after and disappeared around the curve of the road leading to the book store.
Just tell her, eh? Maybe there was something to that. When he thought about it, he had a place that he felt more comfortable in, maybe enough that he could say something to her. And she was coming by the next day, so maybe he'd have a chance to test the theory.
Kanji pulled out of his memories and sighed. No, Kirigaya didn't deserve to be blamed. Behind the awkward comparisons and unapologetic manga-nese and otaku-speak, he'd genuinely tried to be helpful. That said, Kanji wanted to cuff him hard for putting those ideas in his head – maybe if Kanji'd kept his ideas to himself and not opened his mouth, Naoto wouldn't have been scared off. Or freaked out, because she probably wasn't scared. Or it could be that she was just busy with her own stuff. But couldn't she call just to let him know–
He bit off another string of profanities and slammed his heels into the ground, taking his anger out on the pavement. In spite of the cold, he was warm with frustration. His jaw alternated between clenched and loose, which only pissed him off more when he realized he was doing it, and he kept having to find something to do with his hands. Crossed. Uncrossed. Jacket pockets. Back pockets. Other pockets. He clenched them into fists and focused on keeping them still, but it didn't take the edge off. Nothing did. And as tempting as the store walls looked, he still remembered his cracked knuckles from when Nanako-chan died. As easy as it might've been, violence wasn't an answer this time. No, what he needed was help from someone he trusted. Someone who wouldn't laugh at the situation he'd gotten himself in. Senpai was off the list – he'd said he was going to Okina City with Nanako-chan, and Kanji didn't want to interrupt them with a phone call. And he preferred talking to Senpai face to face when he could. So he'd have to find someone else, and that list was pretty short already. He needed someone who could take him and the circumstances seriously, give him sound advice, and who knew Naoto and the situation he was in.
He doubted Chie-senpai could help, given her experience with relationships. Rise didn't know the score, so she was out. Yosuke-senpai might have some advice, but Kanji couldn't promise that he wouldn't try to flatten him when his brand of 'humour' entered the conversation. And it would, because it always did. And Kanji didn't even consider talking to Teddie.
Tch. His eyes narrowed as he stopped at the bus sign, tapping his foot idly. It figured – even when they were kids, she was someone he could count on for advice, no matter what the subject was. Even when they'd grown apart and gone their separate ways before Senpai's arrival shook everything up, he still thought of the conversations they'd had together and the advice her parents gave him when he'd visited the Inn. And it seemed like his feet knew that he needed her help again.
He gave a bracing sigh and checked his wallet for bus fare, waiting for a lift to the Amagi Inn. And he hoped it got him somewhere.
The Inn never changed. That was part of the point, he figured, since people loved the old feel of a good ryokan and the history of the building. To him, it felt like a return to his childhood, and always left him feeling awkward. His boots and bleached hair and black leather jacket didn't have a place in a place with a lineage so distinguished that the wood beams were older than the town itself, and he knew he stood out. Luckily, there weren't many people in the front entrance, but he had to stop himself from waiting until someone came to get him or fetch Yukiko-senpai. Instead, he texted her and she met him in a matter of minutes, taking him to one of the side rooms, complete with a low table sporting cups, a tea pot and snacks he remembered from their childhood. It was touching that she remembered those details, and went out of her way to make him feel comfortable. With as much restraint as he could, he picked out a few of his favourites and ate them as slowly as good manners dictated, trying to show a measure of decorum and not wolf them down. That wasn't why he was here.
Still, Yukiko-senpai's smile told him she noticed his restraint, and her familiarity and calm presence did a good job of easing the uncertainty in his mind. "They're not penguins crackers," she told him after she was done pouring the tea and letting it steep. "But they should do."
His lips pulled up in a surprised smile. Another detail of his that she hadn't missed. "Nah, these're great. Animal crackers can wait a while."
She settled in place, the very picture of poise that he, despite his considerable talents, would be hard-pressed to recreate if he were asked. She was wearing the pink kimono that he'd made her for work a few years ago, and he was proud to see that, despite how much he knew she worked around the Inn, it was still in good shape without any wear patches or frayed threads. "Of course. So, what did you want to talk about?"
Kanji put his tea down and whipped his thoughts into order. He didn't need another rapid-fire list of weird names, or a bunch of reasons why Naoto was sorta-kinda-almost like someone else. "I have a problem with Naoto," he told his friend straight out. She blinked a few times, but didn't respond any other way. "I know that's nothing new, but hear me out. I got some advice from a guy I know about how to talk to her, and I know that sounds weird because I talk to her when we all get together and have parties and stuff, but this was different. And I might've screwed up in a way that's…"
"More personal?" she supplied, and he nodded. Personal. That was a good word for it.
"Yeah. You know about how things are between us, and how I… well, y'know."
She had the grace not to laugh, instead nodding at his words with an encouraging smile. "I know you've had trouble talking to her before. Has something changed recently?"
He took a deep, bracing breath. Well, this was why he came here. No chance to be a wimp and bow out now. "She came to the shop to get some clothes and sizing done, and we got to talking. She wanted to cut her hair, and I said it looked fine."
A slender hand came up to her face, one of her fingers running the length of her cheek in contemplation. "So you're concerned about her fashion sense?"
"'Course not. What she does is up to her. But we got to talking about why. Had an alright discussion about it, I think. Then she came back for another sizing, and I… told her I like her. Just like that."
He said the last words in a rush, and Yukiko-senpai gave a small 'oh' of understanding, then looked at him thoughtfully. "What did she do after that?"
He pushed away the memories of how long the rest of that day felt. It wasn't easy. "Nothing. I said what was on my mind, and she didn't say anything. Just walked out like she didn't hear anything else. And I haven't heard from her since." He sighed and tried not to let his sour mood infect his words, but it was a hard battle – just bringing up the incident was bringing him down. "I know I say the wrong things around her a lot of the time. Maybe I should've just kept my mouth shut. Trying to talk to her never worked before."
"No," she told him immediately, a show of steel in her voice. "That's exactly what you shouldn't have done. Trying nothing changes nothing, and we don't grow if we stay in our own little boxes, right?"
"This is different. If I hadn't said anything, she wouldn't reacted that way."
"But if you're right, then nothing would have changed," she pointed out. "You showed some initiative, and no matter where it goes, it was a brave thing to do. And I don't think you would've been honest with yourself if you hadn't said how you felt about her. I think it was the right thing to do."
"Yeah." He couldn't keep the bitterness and the traces of anger from his voice, and he knew she wouldn't mind. She never did, so long as he didn't take it out on her furniture. "And look where it got me – fat lot of good, don'tcha think?"
She straightened in her seat, commanding his attention with her dark eyes that were so familiar, but so much more grown up than he remembered. "You don't know that. You said she hasn't called or responded yet, and that could be all it means – that she's confused or dealing with her own feelings and isn't sure how to talk to you yet, but still might. Not everything's been decided, right? So don't give up just because you tried something new."
He sighed, then reached for another cookie. "And if I screwed it up? Like, past the point of repairing it?"
Yukiko-senpai smiled at his words, accepting and comforting and not patronizing in the least. "I don't think Naoto wouldn't forgive you, at least not without talking to you first. But even if she does, she might not know all the sides to the story yet. And I can help you with that, if you need me to."
Yeah, that sounded just like his old friend. Sometimes he wondered if they'd grown apart as kids because he'd stopped talking to her, struggling with his own problems. He shook his head. That wasn't important. They were friends now. That was what mattered. "It ain't your problem, Yukiko-senpai. No need for you to get involved."
"We're friends, Kanji-kun. I couldn't live with myself if I wasn't there when you needed me for something." Her dark eyes were sober and intense, but not invasive. Sable and steel, the same eyes he'd seen when looking over drawing sheets and drafting pages when he'd been a kid. And he had the sudden feeling that he knew that look. Her expression, the set of her eyes and brows, even her posture, confident and solid, steady enough to support and unwavering if he ever tried to push her back: It was the same as Senpai. The differences were obvious, since Yukiko-senpai looked nothing like her boyfriend, but in that moment, he knew where her strength was coming from. And he knew that she wasn't wrong. Same as he knew Senpai wouldn't have been wrong if he'd been there.
"Maybe you're right," he admitted, feeling the air go out of him with each word.
"Have faith in yourself," she told him gently, the steel softening in a second. "And in her. You weren't wrong for saying what you did, and we don't know how she'll react. If things don't go well, then we'll take it one step at a time."
She made no special emphasis on 'we' when she was speaking, but Kanji knew that she'd move Hell and Earth if she thought his situation was going sideways. Her and Senpai both. He wasn't sure if that made him feel better or afraid of what they could accomplish. He still felt like a kid, coming to ask her for help like this, but in spite of that, it was good to have those reassurances. That he wasn't alone.
And perhaps that was what inspired his next question. Soft as snow falling, he asked "Hey, Yukiko-senpai? What would you call, y'know, what's going on between you and Souji-senpai?"
"We love each other," she told him immediately, without a moment's pause, and as certain as if she was saying that spring would come after winter. Not an opinion or a belief, but fact, spoken without a second of hesitation. And it wasn't just how she said it, or that she said it so easily. Her posture, her expression of happiness and acceptance and determination, they all told him that she knew what she was feeling, and she knew it was real.
He envied her certainty. Her unwavering faith in what she felt, something she could name and accept. "Must be nice," he told her. "I dunno what this thing is with me and Naoto. What I'd call it or if it even has a name. It's a pain in the ass, y'know?"
"Do you think it might be a crush?" she inquired lightly.
Kanji let out a long breath, not saying anything at first. Calling it a 'crush' sounded shallow to him. Cheap. And what he felt for Naoto, no matter how hard it was to explain, certainly wasn't cheap. "I dunno," he replied finally. " I don't think so, but damned if I know what to call it."
"I see," Yukiko-senpai responded, taking another sip of her tea, dark eyes distant and thoughtful.
"So," he started awkwardly, looking for a change in the topic, a short reprieve from the heavy topics, "how're things? I mean, you're gonna graduate soon, right?"
Her face lit up when he said those words. "Yes. After exams, and Souji will be able to make it, too. He said he'll be completing his classes by correspondence, so it's a shame that he won't be graduating with his friends."
"At least he's here, right?"
She gave a smile at his words and blushed a little. Strange. He didn't think he'd said anything embarrassing. "Yes, he is. Which reminds me, when you have everything sorted out with Naoto-kun, let me know. I might have a job for you. Something for Souji's birthday."
He perked up at that. "Sure. Anything for Senpai. Just give me enough time, and I'll make it happen."
The door slid open with barely a tap, revealing one of the Inn staff he remembered from years ago. Kasai looked to Yukiko, but then to her guest and stopped in the door frame. "Ah. I'm sorry, Yukiko-chan. I didn't know you were busy. It can wait."
But Kanji had what he came for. He had to be getting back to the shop – Ma had said something about another customer with a complex order to fill, and she'd give him an earful if he was late. "You're a professional now, Kanji, so you must present yourself as such. Be polite, punctual, and always do the best job you can." Or something like that. "It's no problem," he told his senpai and the inn lady. "I should be going. Thanks, Yukiko-senpai."
She rose out of reflex, her face friendly but her eyes searching. "Of course, Kanji-kun. Did it help?"
He let out a deep breath. His break from his problems was over. "Gave me a place to start, I guess."
"I see. Then I hope things work out." She gave an encouraging smile and a friendly nod. "You'll make the right choice when the time comes."
He didn't feel half as sure of himself as she sounded, but he returned the smile anyway. "I appreciate the boost." Then he turned to Kasai and told her "Sorry about the bother. I'll get outta your hair now."
"It's no bother," Kasai insisted immediately, but Yukiko just shook her head knowingly and walked with him to the side doors before attending to her own business. Kanji shrugged into his coat and started walking back to the downtown district. It was a trip normally done by bus, but he needed the time to think, and he did that best on his own. So he set off, his body recalling the steps from his childhood so his mind could turn his situation over in its metaphorical hands. He was so engrossed in them that he didn't notice the way the sky smoothed over, or the snow beginning to fall around him, or how cold it'd gotten since he'd left home.
Yukiko-senpai had helped put things in perspective, and her confidence in him was nice to have, but it didn't help him figure out where he should go or how to talk to Naoto about this… thing between them. That didn't help matters, not knowing what it was. Yukiko-senpai had asked if it was a crush, but he didn't think so. Crushes were for shy chicks who hid around the corner when the guy they liked walked down the hall, or guys who stuttered and tripped over themselves trying to talk to a cute girl, and fell apart around when they were alone with them.
He stopped in place and gave a sharp, angry snort, like a bull preparing to charge. Great. Now he was describing himself when he was around her. Still, it didn't feel like what he'd call a crush.
So what was this? Friendship? Puppy love? Hormones? He could admit that she looked… really good that last time she'd been in his workshop, tight pants and legs and… well, everything about her. She was a complete package, from beauty to brains and everything in between. But it was more than that, and it left him beyond pissed that he didn't have any words for it. All he knew for sure was how he felt when she was around, and when she wasn't. Was there a name for it? Did she feel the same way?
Hell, was he even ready for this? Sure, he'd talked about it with Souji-senpai, and it seemed like his words worked before. But if that were the case, then where was he supposed to go from here? Wait for her to call? She hadn't yet. Should he call her? What would he say? "Hey, I know that I mighta scared you before, but I just thought you should know that I'm still into you, and not in that way. I mean, yes, in that way, but not in THAT way."
He shook his head and muttered to himself, "Yeah, because that makes perfect sense." As ready as he thought he was before, maybe he'd been fooling himself. He didn't know what he felt about her, had no idea what to call it, and wasn't even sure it if was returned, or ever would be. Naoto wasn't easy to scare off, not even under the worst conditions, but he was getting the feeling that maybe he'd been looking at this whole thing wrong. Maybe he just shoulda stayed a friend and companion to her instead of trying to push things. Sure, Souji-senpai said that he'd need to make the first move, and Yukiko-senpai was in his corner too, but they could be wrong about this sorta thing, right?
He turned at the intersection, halfway home, and swore under his breath in a cloud of white. No, they weren't wrong. If they were, then why'd he go to them in the first place? And they knew him and Naoto, so they had a good idea of what was at stake and where he wanted to go with it. Of course, that destination and how he was supposed to get there was the problem.
Much as he hated to admit it, this was one time that he envied Kirigaya – girls in manga and anime were probably a lot easier to deal with than those who were flesh and bone. Sure, the guy still had a hopeless crush on Ebihara, but at least he could sound like he knew what he was talking about and what to do next. Kanji was left turning circles in his own mind and winding up cross-eyed for the trouble. Still, he sighed, at least the guy had tried to help. Weird as talking about girls on paper and analyzing them for character traits, he'd made a few good points. And at least he didn't say it was strange that Kanji liked the Detective Prince. That was more than he could say for anyone else at school.
He still hadn't figured anything out by the time he was passing the Konishi Liquor Store, still doing steady business thanks to Naoki's initiative and ideas, and the remaining steps to Tatsumi Textiles just made his shoulders stoop more. He tried not to let the prolonged silence get to him, but without something to direct his energy at, all he heard were his inadequacies and where he'd screwed up. He'd get over it, and would keep himself together as best he could next time he saw her. But not yet, and not now. Maybe he'd call Senpai later, hang out with Nanako-chan and make her some more platypus dolls. Yeah, that would work.
"I'm home," he called out half-heartedly as he shut the door behind him and unlaced his boots before kicking them into the corner of the landing.
"Welcome home, Kanji," his mother called, just across the room from him, rearranging the displays and setting out some of his newer creations. Funny. They'd seemed a lot brighter and more innovative when he'd made them. "How is Yukiko-chan?"
He shrugged, not willing to let her be infected by his mood. "She's alright. Looking forward to graduating, probably has something planned for her and Senpai afterwards, the usual for her. You know how she is – always thinking half a year ahead."
His mother chuckled as she continued her work. "That does sound like her." Then she turned to address him directly. "You have an appointment. The client's here for a fitting and to go over some details with you in person. I sent them into the back, so be quick. You don't want to keep them waiting."
He restrained the groan that would have given away his frustration, but couldn't stop from pinching the bridge of his nose. "Ma, I ain't in the mood for a one on one right now. Did ya have to schedule it for today?"
"The client was planning for this meeting for some time, Kanji, and the matter is one you're familiar with. It shouldn't be difficult. I wasn't expecting your meeting with Yukiko-chan to take as long as it did, but now that you're here, you should see them as soon as you can." He was tempted to argue the point, but she gave him a look over her glasses that he knew from his childhood. "It's unbecoming of a professional to be tardy and inefficient with his work, not matter what that work might be. We have a reputation to consider, after all."
There was no winning this one. Years of experience taught him that. So Kanji kept his comments to himself and sighed. "Alright Ma, I gotcha. It won't be a problem."
She immediately smiled and turned back to the displays. "Perfect! Now, be quick about it. No need to keep them waiting."
He shrugged out of his jacket, fighting with the sleeves and keeping the more colourful parts of his vocabulary quiet enough that his mother didn't hear him. Once he was free of it, restraining the urge to add some 'artistic' rips in the seams, he hung it up on the coat peg and made his way into the back of the store, heading toward his workspace and trying to find his centre. No need to make the day worse, after all, and he didn't want to snap at a customer who had nothing to do with his personal problems. That said, his mood was easy enough to detect, given how his jaw was locked and the floor was taking a beating from his less-than-calm footsteps. He tried to step softer once he heard how much noise he was making, but it didn't make any difference.
He reached his workshop door and slid it open, not bothering to look at who it was. "Glad you chose us for your order," he told the customer out of habit, trying not to sound curt. "What can I do for you?"
No answer. He completed the turn and slid the door shut, careful enough to not slam it. Professional. Courteous. Focused. If he kept saying it to himself, maybe it would offset the grinding of his teeth. He heard a rustle nearby, the sound of someone moving or shifting in place, and turned to look up, about to greet the client again, when he saw who it was. His mind froze.
There she was. Slender and elegant and not as short as even the last time he saw her, she was standing by the window, near where they'd done her sizings, decked out in the ensemble that he'd made for her. He hadn't been thinking about it when he made the clothes, but they suited her officer's cap like they'd come from the same set. And he couldn't remember ever making clothes that looked that good on someone.
Naoto's hands were laced together in front of her waist, and she was looking at him expectantly. When he didn't move from the entrance, still rooted to the floor by the sight of her, she stepped forward to address him.
"I arranged this with your mother, and requested that she not tell you that I was your client. I hope you don't mind." That… was strange. Why would she make an appointment but not want him to know about it? She didn't seem unhappy about the clothes, since she was wearing them. Unless…
Despite the sudden tempest of thought that raced through his mind because of her words, she sounded as calm as ever. Even through his tumbling emotions, he didn't miss how her voice was richer now than even when they'd met at Senpai's place after Christmas. It wasn't deeper, per se, but there was a vibrancy to it that had only become obvious since he'd seen her for the fittings. While he tried to make heads from tails of why she was there and what she might want to say, she cleared her throat, calling his attention to her.
But she didn't say anything right away. Rather, she fidgeted. She laced her fingers together, then separated her hands. Then put them together again. And started tapping her fingers on the back of each hand. He hadn't noticed her nervous ticks before, but he brushed his uncertainty aside and put the boot to his chaotic thoughts, bring a small measure of order to them. Even though the nervousness was still there, fluttering in his chest like a caged bird, the uncertainty was finally gone. She was here, so that had to count for something. Yukiko-senpai said he had to have some faith, so he let her advice guide him because his memory decided right then to be selective on him; everything else they'd talked about was nowhere to be found. He reached out, hands trembling a little, and set the fingers of his left hand on hers, and she jolted in place, backing up a little.
"Sorry," he told her immediately, pulling back and worried that he'd set her off.
But he hadn't. She just shook her head a little, sending her bangs feathering across her face. "It's not that, but… your hands are cold."
He glanced down at them and shrugged a little to himself. They were starting to sting from the change in temperature as the nerves kicked back to life. "Yeah. Hiked back from Yukiko-senpai's, and it got colder than I'd thought it would." She gave him an inquisitive look, and he clarified, "Didn't bother with the bus. Needed the time to myself, you know?"
"I see…" She seemed to be bracing herself for something, but he didn't know what. Well, she'd tell him when she wanted to. He pulled back his hands, intending to put them in his pockets or on the heater in his room, or, well, something.
But he didn't get the chance. As soon as his hands moved, so did hers. Her slim fingers spread as she reached out, a little hesitantly, and settled over his extended hand. The feel of them, smooth and soft, but still callused, immediately sent his mind in six different directions, distracting him from their warmth and how the feeling seeped into his frigid bones. What was she doing? Was this deliberate? Did it mean what he thought it meant? What did he think it meant? Her cheeks were turning red, slowly but surely, and she wasn't meeting his eyes as he fingers tightened around his, pulling him a little closer. "This…" she started, then stopped. He fought to keep his mind steady, and waited for her to continue. Because her eyes were twitching rapidly, like she was picking through her massive vocabulary for the right words and thinking of how they sounded in triplicate. Finally her eyes met his, she was still facing off-centre, and not looking at where they were connected. "I'm not accustomed to situations like this," she told him finally, hedging her words carefully, quietly. Not quiet enough that he couldn't hear her, but he wouldn't have if he'd been by the door. "There are no precedents upon which I can draw, nor is there anyone who can assist me in making sense of it. I received an inordinate number of propositions and offers of companionship since I started attending regular classes, but your words the other day were… different from them. This event is unique in nature."
That sounded like her, trying to put word and feelings into their own little boxes. Of course, he knew that was how she worked, how she thought, so it came as no surprise. "I'm glad you're here," he told her, finally getting his thoughts in order. "I thought I'd pissed you off or pushed things too far, comin' on outta the blue like that."
If his words offended her, it didn't show in the slightest. But her blush was subsiding a little. "I admit that I don't know what to classify this situation as. How to categorize these circumstances. I find it quite aggravating that this, whatever it might be, defies a simple name."
Her admission to at least thinking about that day, and in a positive… or at least neutral light, was like a weight off his shoulders. He felt a bit light-headed from the rush of relief, but her words brought a smile to his lips – at least he wasn't the only one not sure about what to call this thing between them. "I've been wonderin' the same thing. For most of the day, now. And none'a the words seem right, y'know?" She seemed as lost as he was, but since his admission to her last time had been enough that she hadn't been offended, he decided to trust Yukiko-senpai's advice and keep going. "But I ain't sorry I said it."
"Nor am I," she assured him without hesitating. Then a rueful smile crossed her fine lips. "You know, it cost me several nights of sleep, what you told me before. It opened up a great many possible options I simply hadn't considered before." She tiled her head back and looked him in the eye, sober and inquisitive, but also content. "Because I find myself at a loss, how do you propose we proceed with this matter? I'm afraid any suggestions I have are inadequate for these circumstances."
That was the trillion-yen question, wasn't it? He took a few breaths and sent a small prayer to Yukiko-senpai, hoping that she was right about all this. "I told you how I feel before. And I don't think we need to go over it again. Thing is, I got no clue as to where to go next." She blinked, aware that he wasn't done talking yet. "I mean, I ain't ever had a girlfriend before-" she leaned back and her eyes widened at the word, and he hurried to finish his thought "-and I ain't sayin' that's what I think you are." He nearly let out a sigh of relief as she nodded and returned to where she was standing before. "But I do wanna see where this goes. If we're friends, then great. I'd look forward to that. If… Well, if things change, then we can work at it and figure it out, right?"
She smiled at his words, closing her eyes for a moment before taking a breath of her own. "I don't disagree with your assessment. I haven't a clue as to what this might be, but," she tightened her grip on his fingers, now warm from their shared contact, "I'm curious where it might lead. I agree with your proposed course of action. We'll see where it leads us."
It took a moment for her words to sink in, but when they did, he had to restrain himself from hugging her. That would've been pushing things too fast. Instead he just tightened his fingers around hers and grinned. "That's great. I'm glad we, y'know, talked about this."
"As am I."
"This is pretty awesome."
"I concur."
In their agreement, they both looked down at their entangled digits. She cleared her throat and returned her limbs to her sides, but didn't step back. They were left without anything to say as they looked at each other, lacking in shame or self-consciousness for the first time.
"Uh, hey–" "So– "
They both stopped, glanced and each other, and chuckled good-naturedly. He nodded at her to start, and she did, though the little smile across her lips, so open and honest, distracted him at first. "I was wondering if I could consult you on a matter of apparel, considering what you made for the last order I placed was exceptional."
He blinked, confused by the sudden change in subject. "Uh, sure. That's not a problem. Did I miss something last time?"
"Not at all. But I feel that a greater variety to my wardrobe might be preferable to only having one or two changes of clothes. Also, some other styles might suit me better than what I have now, and I feel that you would be one to speak to on such matters. Different coats or shirts, different colours, perhaps something might suit longer hair than what I have now if you have the time."
That was the first time she'd mentioned her hair, and it sounded like she wasn't going to cut it. For some reason, that gave him a thrill that warmed him to the core. That she'd taken his advice and considered what he'd said on the subject gave him hope for where they were going, wherever it happened to be. "I can make that work," he replied, trying not to let his excitement show. "But if you want to try different colours and styles, then it could take a while. Especially if you want to try different cuts and lengths of shirts and jackets, things like that."
She nodded. Her face was neutral but her eyes glittered in the winter light. "I understand. And several visits would be in order. For consultation and measuring and brainstorming ideas, I believe. It would take quite a bit of time."
He picked up her train of thought and smiled. The weight on his chest and his head full of inadequacies were nowhere to be found. Now, here, around her, he didn't know what he was worried about or why he'd fretted so much on the way home. Sure, it wasn't what Souji-senpai and Yukiko-senpai had or might have done, but they didn't jump into love on the first try either. It took time. It would take time. And time was something he had a lot of. "I'm pretty sure we can make something work."
It wasn't much. If he had to think of a word to describe it, then it was an understanding, an agreement, to walk the same road with her and see where it went. To deal with their respective problems as they arose. Maybe it wouldn't turn out. After all, they were different people with different interests and desires in life. What if she needed to leave Inaba for her family or her job? What if it became more than a job? And what if his situation changed? He didn't plan on leaving Inaba, but he hadn't planned on meeting Naoto, either, and he knew from the murder case to never rule anything out.
But still, despite the uncertainty of their situation, the fragile shoots of their friendship were spreading roots and anchoring more firmly for the potential of something more. Would it grow? He hoped so. But that was for another day. Today was progress. It was anticipation to see what the future held.
It was a start.
Author's Note, Post Script: And that's a wrap for Naoto and Kanji. They'll show up in the next chapter and the rest of the fic, of course, but it's not strictly about them. I hope that this has worked for those who ship Naoto and Kanji. They were certainly fun to write. Many thanks to my editor, Enact, for his insight and ideas for this one, without which this would have been worse and taken even longer to get out.
Next chapter we're seeing the group at graduation, which includes Souji and Yukiko and Yosuke, with a lot of Chie tossed into the mix. Will that be all? Of course not. But you'll have to read it to see the details.
Well, 'til next time! Don't forget that little button at the bottom of the screen, too!