Cell-Not-So-Mates

Alex woke up to a very familiar pair of eyes goggling at him. "They said you were dead!"

Nile grinned. "Sorry to disappoint you."

Alex grumbled some half-hearted threats directed at Alan Blunt. "…going to stew his organs for breakfast."

Nile perked up instantly. "Go easy on the cannibalism. You don't know where he might have been."

Alex felt his eyes twitch. He had questions. "Wait, so how did you survive the whole, uh, setting you on fire and slicing you off the balloon thing?"

Nile groaned. "I fell back onto the building and then rolled to put the fire out. The bruising took three months to go away!"

Alex looked at him. "You tried to kill me first."

Nile frowned. "Yes, but-"

Alex rolled his eyes. "This was after you heard about all of my antics."

Nile huffed. "Still, you could-"

Alex looked at him. "I could have what? Offered you a tray of poisoned crumpets instead? Maybe a pot of tea?"

Nile started cackling. Alex supposed Nile might have thought he was mocking Winston Yu. "Okay, fair enough."

Alex leaned back against the cell wall. He immediately got poked in the arm. "What the hell?!"

Nile pouted. Alex was rather immune to the look at this point. "I need you to do your escape thing."

Alex gave the man a flat look. "How old are you?"

Nile blew on Alex. It was not exactly helping Alex's age estimate. "Twenty-six."

Alex rolled his eyes. Adults. "So, shouldn't you be planning our escape?"

Nile shoved him lightly. Alex smacked him upside the head. "NO FIGHTING! YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!"

Alex glared up at the intercom. He'd never been good with intercom announcements. "On second thought, I'll help. Start giving me the details."

Nile huffed. "So, some fucking psycho-"

Alex gave Nile a significant look. He was ignored. "-decided that we should all fight in gladiatorial fights for their amusement."

Alex frowned. He had technically been part of a lot of groups. "Which 'we'?"

Nile rolled his eyes. "Malagasto graduates."

Alex crossed his arms. "Technically, I didn't graduate."

Nile shrugged. "I think killing a board member is good enough."

Alex rubbed his eyes. Joy. "Have you spotted any weaknesses in the place?"

Nile sighed. And looked away guiltily. "Can't your spy voodoo help us out there?"

Alex glared. He was surrounded by idiots. "It's not magic, it's observation. There's just a little tiny problem since I came in here while unconscious."

Nile fluffed his hair. For some reason, the man has a fascination with his hair. Alex personally thought that it was because he didn't get enough soft things in his life. "Right."

Alex felt his eye twitch as Nile continued to pace the cell as he took a look around. Why were all the adults useless?! "Do you know how this place works?"

Nile brushed past him. "The guards come. You get escorted to a sandpit. The weapons are in the sand and then you have at it."

Alex raised an eyebrow at the man. "Did any of you consider, you know, not killing each other?"

Nile looked like Alex had hit him in the face with a shovel. "No?"

Alex threw up his hands. "Oh, for fuck's sake-"

Nile scowled. "Now listen here you little-"

Alex shouted over him. "I'M SURROUNDED BY MURDEROUS LUNATICS!"

Nile raised his voice right back. "YOU ARE A MURDEROUS LUNATIC!"

Alex felt a jolt of electricity blast through him. Nile dropped to the ground in front of him. Nile sighed. "They're really big on the no fighting in the cells thing."

Alex rolled his eyes. Controlling twats. "And that pertains to verbal arguments?"

Nile grumbled under his breath. "Apparently."

Alex sighed. He still had so many questions. "So, why am I in your cell?"

Nile rubbed his eyes. "Well, uh, about that."

Alex glared at him. Uh, huh. He knew that look. "You argued with all your other cellmates?!"

Nile crossed his arms. "Oh, shut up. They kept blaming me for this."

Alex squinted. That made zero sense. "Uh, why?"

Nile cheered up and then his face fell again. "Well, I was Mrs. Rothman's second-in-command. Then, after the thing where you and the board had your first little spat, things started going downhill. The board starts dropping like flies and everything sucks."

Alex was still confused. "Okaaaay? So, what does this have to do with you?"

Nile rolled his eyes. "Well, it's stupid, but they're saying that I should have stopped Mrs. Rothman from influencing that board vote."

Alex sat down. "Well, that's dumb."

Nile put his hand on Alex's shoulder. "I'm glad you see it my way."

His voice lowered. "Like she ever listened to me anyway."

Alex watched the man roll his eyes. "Why is there only one bed?"

Nile threw up his hands. "Extra sadism?"

Alex nodded. That was always an option. "Good point."

Nile sighed. "You know, they're supposed to listen to their second-in-commands."

Alex rolled his eyes. "Uh, huh."

Nile crossed his arms. "Look, I know you're MI6's golden boy who can do no wrong, but-"

Alex cut him off. "Oh, bullshit. Nobody believed me about Cray and that guy was going to nuke the world. Plus, all I get is complaints nine times out of ten. Alex, you shot the Prime Minister in the hand. No, Alex, you concussed the Defense Secretary everyone hates. Alex, that was too much property destruction. Blah, blah, blah."

Nile started sniggering. "You shot the Prime Minister while working for MI6?!"

Alex glared. "They banned me from gun lessons! That was totally Blunt's fault! And I didn't want that stupid job anyway!"

Nile started laughing. "You realize you've done more damage to British politicians than Scorpia, right?"

Alex glared. "Oh, fuck off."

Nile was still gasping for breath. "This is priceless."

Alex flung himself onto the bed. "I can kill you in your sleep."

Nile ruffled his hair while wiping away tears of laughter. "There, there, I'm sure Brendan Chase will still pay you when you finally manage to hit the Prime Minister fatally."

Alex made a noise that came out as a growl. Nile lightly rubbed his scalp. Alex was tempted to hiss but it actually felt nice. "Now, escape ideas, escape ideas."

Alex looked at him. "You know, my brain doesn't work like a genie lamp, right?"

Nile gave him an amused look. "But your hair is golden and, more importantly, soft."

Alex rolled his eyes. "You're the worst cellmate ever."

Nile chirped back cheerfully. "Motivation to get us out faster."

Alex glared half-heartedly as the man continued with his scalp scratches.

Alex jumped awake as something entered the cell. He ran his fingers over the walls. Huh. They weren't made of steel or even brick. It was drywall. Maybe with a wooden beam or two. Alex did sort of remember that the outer layer of the place wasn't brick or particularly sturdy. Alex stuck his finger in his mouth and stuck it against the wall. The wall absorbed the material and went sticky. Oh, he was an idiot. They were all idiots. "Alex?"

Alex scowled. This was almost too simple. "All we need is a sponge and water. These walls aren't held together with anything hard."

Nile perked up. Alex had imagined he would. "It's just drywall?"

Alex shrugged. "And the support beams. The construction must have been a rush job. I think it's just shingles outside."

Nile grinned. Alex was suddenly reminded that the man was a high-ranking Scorpia operative for a reason. "Getting the cheapest contractors, tsk, tsk, tsk."

Alex looked at the man. Normally, he was the only one with a dry sense of humor. "We'll need some water."

Nile lowered his voice. "Water my ass. I can just kick the wall out."

Alex snorted. He envied that pure muscle mass, though. "And here you were almost jealous of my stunning good looks."

Nile shoved him playfully before handing him a tray. "Eat up."

Alex stared at the bread and water. It wasn't even good bread. "You know, if you lot roast them for dinner afterward, I want a piece."

Nile laughed. "Nah, that's only Kurst's people."

Alex gaped. "WHAT?!"

Nile gave him a mischievous look. That piece of shit. "Eat your lunch."

On second thought, Alex was going to smother him with a pillow the night they got out.

Fin

Written for Prompt #109 by Zyzyax. This is the 19th work in the Winds of Change 2022 Alex Rider Prompt event, where a new prompt (plus a short 1-3K work) is posted every day. For more details, see the AO3 collection :) Want to discuss? Leave a comment beneath, or join the discord (Link on AO3 Fics or just PM me, lol).