I know it's been a while but this past year has been crazy to say the least.
I apologize for taking 7 months to get this chapter out, but I can honestly say that I had writer's block the entire time. There were moments that I would just sit and stare willing this chapter to write itself. I finally got inspiration to write it and here it is.
As always I only own my OC's Gen, Jack, Penny and Anneliese. I do not own the rights to The Walking Dead, it's characters or it's dialogue as this chapter does contain dialogue directly from the show.
And finally a heavy trigger warning. This chapter deals with things of a sensitive nature; such as suicide, self-harm and suicide ideation. Please read with caution.
Thank you for sticking around, and thank you to all my new readers! Hopefully it won't take 7 more months to get chapter 21 done and out.
XO
Val
Like clockwork the next 6 days pass in repetition of the one before. I wake up in the morning with Anneliese, more than likely before the sun is up and feed her, get both of us dressed and then I make breakfast for the group, wake the kids, serve everybody, and either try to eat onehanded or pass the baby to someone and shovel the food in my mouth as quickly as possible. Then Anneliese gets strapped into her carrier, we wash the morning dishes, the kids start their schoolwork and everyone else disappears.
I help the kids with their work, feed the baby again and wash laundry in the time between breakfast and lunch. Lunch is usually bland and small portioned, but no one complains. After lunch Carl and Jackson clean up and then we get back to work, more often than not I settle Anneliese and Penny down for a nap and have Carl and Jack read during that time.
By the time dinner rolls around everyone is mostly assembled around the fire pit discussing various things and at least one person has brought up Randall – that's usually Shane – Daryl has brought me some sort of meat that he's hunted that day and I've stopped asking what it is after the epic meltdown Penny had 2 days ago when she overheard his answer of rabbit. Dinner is usually meat, a carb and a vegetable. And the past 3 days Patricia has given me apples and I've cooked them into some form of dessert.
I wash dishes after dinner; have Carl and Jack clean themselves up and I clean up the girls and myself before we all get into bed where I read them at least a chapter of a book, feed the baby and then we sleep with only one or two interruptions in the middle of the night from Miss. Anneliese. Carl has only slept in the tent with his parents once in the past 6 days, so the RV has been a tad cramped, yet doable and Rick seems to understand that Carl is uncomfortable with everything going on between him, Lori, and Shane.
And Lori well she's a bitch as always – queen bitch who hangs out in the house all day with Carol acting like they're doing something, which I guess occasionally she's been helping Maggie keep an eye on Beth. Beth who has been in a comatose state and only woke up 2 days ago. From what I have noticed Herschel and Maggie have been alternating shifts with her but lately Herschel is either with the horses or in his office in the house.
"Mama!" Penny calls breaking me from my thoughts
"Yeah?" I ask looking to where she's sitting with the boys tracing letters
"Where are Mr. Rick and Mr. Shane going?" she asks
"They're going to take Randall and drop him off somewhere" I tell her glancing over to where Shane and Rick are putting a blindfolded Randall into a car.
"But why mama?"
"Because he's not a part of our group so he can't stay with us."
"But what if he can't find his group?"
"He'll be okay Penny, keep doing your letters. I'll be right back I'm going to change the baby" I tell her effectively changing the subject and ending that particular conversation.
Shaking my head to myself, I make quick work of changing Anneliese and prepare a bottle for her to eat before I start preparing lunch
Rejoining the kids, I call their attention back to their books and away from the car driving down the driveway
"C'mon if y'all get that finished you don't have to do anymore today"
"Really?" Carl asks narrowing his eyes at me playfully
"Really. Unless of course you would like to do some language arts or perhaps geometry" I joke back
"No no no we're good mom thanks" Jack rushes out and quickly looks back at his notebook
Within 20 minutes Anneliese is fed and settled in her mosses basket next to the kids and I'm preparing a light lunch of canned mixed vegetables and brown rice, our last box I note
Someone will have to go on a run soon, feeding 17 people shouldn't be Hershel's responsibility alone and while his farm produces some fresh produce and poultry, carbs are in low supply
"Can one of you remind me to talk to Glenn later about doing a run?" I ask and both boys give me an affirmative sound not looking up from their schoolwork they're hastily trying to complete.
No sooner than the food being done cooking does everyone working around the farm emerge from whatever they were doing, even Carol comes out of the house. I assume Lori is eating with the Greene's or not eating at all who knows what her morning sickness will decide to do today, so I don't worry about saving her any although I do leave a little to the side incase Daryl comes back from his hunt early.
While Carl and Jackson are cleaning up from lunch, I settle Penny in the RV for a nap and rock Anneliese to sleep and settle her in her sling, as soon as I'm sure Penny won't wake right back up, I sneak out of the RV.
"I'm going to take this basket Patricia lent us back up to the house. Can you two head into the RV and just chill in there until Penny wakes up or I come back please" I ask the two preteens
"Sure Gen" Carl tells me and the two of them hurry off to either play a board game or read comics while they wait
I make my way up onto the porch and through the front door and pause at the sound of raised voices from upstairs, sounds like Maggie is losing it at Beth I think to myself as I make my way into the kitchen where Lori and Andrea are
"What's going on up there?" I ask placing the basket on the island
"Beth tried to keep the knife from the lunch tray" Lori tells me, and I feel my eyebrows raise as I lean against the counter opposite of Andrea
"Where's Herschel?" Andrea asks
"Maggie didn't want him to find out yet. It's a family affair, let them work it out" Lori answers her popping a slice of cucumber in her mouth from her seat on the counter
"That's working it out?" Andrea questions
"If Beth stops fighting, then it's time to worry" Lori says hopping off the counter
"This could've been handled better" Andrea comments after another bout of screaming echoes from the bedroom
"How so?" Lori asks turning to grab dishes from the dish rack and a towel to dry them
"You shouldn't have taken the knife away"
"Excuse me?"
"You were wrong, like Dale taking my gun. That wasn't your decision. She has to choose to live on her own. She has to find her own reasons"
"Want me to tie a noose for her?"
"If she's serious she'll figure out a way." Andrea says and I can't help but stare at her
"Doesn't mean I can't stop her or let her know that I care."
"That has nothing to do with it, Lori. She only has so many choices in front of her, and she believes the best one is suicide."
"That's not an option" Lori protests and I can tell she's getting more upset the longer this conversation continues
"Of course, it is. She doesn't need to be yelled at or treated like a child."
"She needs a loaded gun, right? You'll understand if I don't send you in there."
"I came through it" Andrea protests
"And became such a productive member of the group" Lori retorts at the same time I say "Doesn't sound like you did"
Andrea spares a second to send me a glare before turning her attention back to Lori
"I contribute. I help keep this place safe"
"The men can handle this on their own. They don't need your help" Lori says throwing her towel onto the counter
"I'm sorry. What would you have me do?" apparently arguing is contagious
"Oh, there's plenty of work to go around" Lori snaps back and before either one can say anything else, I speak up
"Yes, there is, and before either of you want to start throwing stones about who does what, you should both evaluate the situation a little bit more"
"Are you serious? Everything falls apart, and you both want to be pissy about laundry duty?"
"It puts a burden on the rest of us; me, Gen, Carol, Patricia and Maggie. Cooking and cleaning and caring for Beth. And you, you don't care about anyone but yourself. You sit up on that R.V., working on your tan with a shotgun in your lap" Not that she fully has the right to be angered Lori does have a point I think as she leans against the counter next to me
"No, I am on watch against walkers! That is what matters, not fresh mint leaves in the lemonade"
"Yes, because there have been so many walkers"
"We are providing stability" Lori says shooting me a glance, apparently my commentary is not wanted or appreciated
"We are trying to create a life worth living" she continues
"Are you kidding me?" Andrea scoffs
"Look, I went after Rick. I took down 2 walkers"
"After crashing Maggie's car" "Don't act like you're the only one who can take care of herself" "Ever apologize for that" and we've descended into talking over one another
"Crashing her- you're insane" Lori grits out
"No, you are. And you're the one that's self-centered, the way you take it all for granted."
"My husband is out there, for the hundredth time" Lori says and that gets a raised brow from me because last I checked, they weren't speaking which is why their son slept in my bed and not theirs.
"My son was shot. Don't you dare tell me I take this for granted" Lori plows on leaning over the island to get in Andreas face
"You don't get it do you?" Andrea snaps leaning forward too "Your husband came back from the dead, your son too. And now you've got a baby on the way. The rest of us have piled up our losses me, Carol, Beth – but you just keep on keeping on."
"We have all suffered" Lori tries to interject moving back to the counter next to me, but Andrea speaks over her
"Playing house, acting like the queen bee, laying down rules for everybody but yourself. You know what? Go ahead. Go in there and tell that little girl that everything's going to be okay, just like it is for you. She'll get a husband, a son, baby. Boyfriend" and there it is: the true reason Andrea is so mad
"She just has to look on the bright side" Andrea scoffs heading for the living room leaving Lori and I in an awkward silence
"Am I wrong for not giving her the tools to take her life?" Lori asks after a few minutes
"No, I don't think so." I sigh "I've been that low before, it's not fun and it's not pretty. But Beth is a child. A child who has experienced trauma, what she needs is love and care. And if this is how Maggie gets through to her that she is loved and cared for then so be it" I say gesturing upstairs to where the sisters were shouting
"You truly believe that?"
"I do, it's not going to be a 180 flip. Trust me on that, but eventually, hopefully she'll be okay" I tell her softly reaching out, grasping her hand, and giving it a quick squeeze
"Now I'm going to go check on the little minions. Yell if you need anything" I tell her before taking my leave out the back door
Walking around the side of the house I check on my drying laundry, and yes my laundry because I'm the only one who has washed anything in the past few days. After checking on the boys and Penny I settle Anneliese into her mosses basket and myself into a chair next to her with a book borrowed from Dale – some murder mystery that would normally not hold my attention, but desperate times call for desperate measures.
My reading is only disturbed when a shadow falls across my lap, and squinting I look up to see Daryl two Tupperware bowls in hand
"Caught a few rabbits today, though ya might want to give some to the Greens" he explains holding the bowls out to me
"Alright, I'll go do that. If you could sit here with her for a second" I ask taking the bowls and sitting one next to the food bin while he claims my vacated seat
"I won't be long" I assure him before making my way up to the house for the second time today
I breeze through the living room into the kitchen, hearing someone moving in there but catching no sight of anyone
"Hey Daryl caught a few more rabbits than usual so I brought a bowl up here for y'all- what are you doing down here" I ask coming to a full stop at the sight of Maggie puttering around arranging dishes
"Putting dishes away? Thanks for the rabbit" Maggie answers me looking at me like I've grown two heads
"Who's with Beth?" I ask placing the bowl on the island
"Andrea-"
"Oh no"
"What?"
"You shouldn't have left her with Andrea" I huff out before turning and rushing up the stairs Maggie right behind me, I would not have put it past Andrea to quite literally hand this girl a loaded gun.
At the top of the stairs Maggie overtakes me and leads the way in through the open door of her shared room with Beth. We both look around for a second seeing it empty, before the sound of crying echoes from the connected bathroom
"Beth?" Maggie calls walking up to the door and just as she calls her name again the sound of glass shattering comes from the bathroom
"Beth?!" Maggie calls banging on the door before trying the doorknob and banging again when she realizes its locked
"Maggie?" Lori asks coming in from a connecting guest room
"She's in there, I heard glass" Maggie explains continuing to pull and twist at the doorknob
"Beth are you alright?" Lori asks joining Maggie in banging
"Don't do this Beth. Don't do this. Open up, please." Maggie pleads
"God, I left her with Andrea" Maggie huffs turning and rummaging on the dresser frantically
"Where's a key?" Lori asks
"I don't know" Maggie says dumping a jewelry box out and while Lori continues knocking and turning the doorknob, I look around the room for a key or anything to break the lock
"Beth, honey please open the door" Maggie begs just as I spot it – a fire poker leaning up against the side of the fireplace and I waste no time in grabbing it
"I'm not mad Beth. I'm not mad" Maggie continues
"Watch out both of y'all" I tell them coming up to the side and forcing my way in front of them and jamming it in between the lock and the doorframe and pulling until the door pops open to reveal Beth standing in the middle of the bathroom blood running down her arm.
"I'm sorry" she croaks
Throwing the poker to the side I move just enough for Maggie to get to Beth before following her in and grabbing a towel
"Get Herschel" I snap at Lori grabbing Beth's wrist and pushing the towel onto it
"Okay. It's okay." Maggie cries wrapping her arms around Beth the best she can with me holding one of her arms
"It's okay honey. It'll be okay" she continues whispering into Beth's hair as Beth sobs into her shoulder
It doesn't take long for Hershel and Lori to rejoin us and I quickly move out of the room to give them their privacy as Herschel stitches her wrist
It's not even 15 minutes later when Maggie rushes down the steps
"What's wrong" I call after her before following her out the front door with Lori right behind me
Apparently, she had spotted Andrea approaching from an upstairs window
"Where were you?" Maggie practically growls at her
"I heard. Is she all right?" Andrea asks
"She would be if you had stayed with her. Where were you?" Maggie snaps
"How bad is she?" Andrea asks instead
"It wasn't deep." I speak up seeing that Maggie is about 2 seconds away from decking Andrea in the jaw
"She wants to live. She made her decision" Andrea says with a sigh of relief and a smile
"She tried to kill herself" Maggie retorts
"No, she didn't" Andrea protests – excuse me. I was unaware slitting your wrist was wanting to live.
"My father is stitching her wrist right now."
"She'll live." Andrea says trying to move past her but Maggie steps in front of her
"Stay away from her. From both of us. Don't you dare step foot inside this house again" Maggie snaps at her and Andrea sighs glancing at me and Lori before nodding and walking away
"I'm not goanna say she was right, but Beth has made her choice" Lori tells Maggie as she walks back up the steps "She wants to live and now she knows it. And sometimes you have to cross the line" Somehow I think my words from earlier were misunderstood.
Shaking my head to myself I watch as they both move back inside the house, before walking towards the campfire where Daryl is now holding an awake Anneliese.
"What was that all bout."
"Beth tried to kill herself. Andrea helped her in a way. So now Maggie is pissed, and Andrea is no longer allowed in the house"
"Well shit"
"Yeah, that bout sums it up. Did you eat the food I left you?" I ask.
"Yeah, thanks"
"No problem here let me take her. I'm sure you've got things to do" I tell him plucking the baby from his arms before heading off to the RV to check on the kids.
The sun is almost completely set by the time Rick and Shane make it back to the farm and they still have Randall with them, all of them looking like they've been through the ringer.
We all watch as Shane hauls him out of the trunk and back into the shed as Rick heads our way.
"What happened? Why did you bring him back?" Lori asks
"He said he knew Maggie; we couldn't take the risk of him knowing where the farm is and bringing his group back" he explains dabbing at a still bleeding cut on his forehead
"We can ask more questions later, after you've both eaten and gotten cleaned up or tomorrow. Makes no difference whether we talk tonight or in the morning" I direct as Shane joins us and I pass the baby off to Daryl and hand both of them a bowl before pushing Rick into a chair
"Sit still I'm gonna grab a rag and some alcohol" I tell him, and he nods beginning to eat slowly
By the time I return from grabbing supplies in the RV it seems like everyone expect Andrea who is tending to Shane's injuries, Rick, Daryl, and the kids have retreated to their tents for the night.
"Y'all go get ready and for bed and settle in. Carl and Jack take turns reading a chapter. I'll be in when I'm done out here" I instruct the kids glancing at Rick then the pile of dishes waiting to be washed
I don't try to make small talk while I clean up Rick's face and his busted knuckles that he tried to hide
"You don't look like you need stitches" I tell him applying a butterfly bandage to his temple before stepping away and towards my dish pile
"Thanks" he says before resuming eating
"Daryl if she's asleep you can lay her in her basket"
"Nah we're fine"
"If you're sure. I gotta do these dishes before I head in" I tell him, and he just nods looking perfectly content to sit there and hold the baby
It's not long 'til Shane hands me his bowl and him and Andrea move off to his tent
"If you don't mind me asking what the fuck happened? You both look like you tried to beat the shit out of each other" I say just loud enough that Rick and Daryl can hear me but no one else
"That's because we did" Rick says with a humorless laugh