Chapter 30
Part II
A.N.: Here's the second part of a very busy day. I hope you enjoy it. It's still unedited.
"It's not you I don't trust," he said after a while. "I don't like the way he looks at you."
"For God sake, Edward, how does he look at me?"
"Like I do," he answered truthfully.
I moved away from Rosalie, to the farthest corner of the terrace for some privacy, because his answer nearly broke my heart. How could this man be the same cold-hearted man who plans every single aspect of his life methodically?
"I'm sorry." He remained silent, but I could hear some muffled sounds in the background that told me that he was moving as well. "I am," I reiterated. "I fervently believe in monogamist relationships. I would never betray you like that. Ever."
"I know."
"Will you trust me and let this go?"
"I don't want that man working for you anymore. You shouldn't lead him on like that."
"If you dismiss every single female and I guess male who works for you and are attracted to you, you'd probably find yourself short of staff."
"So you're admitting he's attracted to you."
"I always regarded it as an innocent flirt until recently. But, before you continue, I believe we can be professional about it. I can't lose one of the few people I trust Edward. "
He breathed in, probably trying to muffle his exasperation.
"Why is there a line of men waiting for me to somehow screw up to leap forth? Will you be with the girls for the rest of the day?"
"Yes."
"There's something you're not telling me but we can talk about it when I find out what it is."
"You won't need to guess long because I will tell you. And then, we'll turn the table and I'll be the one doing the questioning. How's that for you?"
"Now I'm intrigued."
"We'll meet you for dinner. I'll invite your sister and your parents."
"We'll have to make a real party then because it'll be the first Swan-Cullen family gathering."
"It's not a family gathering because we're not inviting Jasper."
"Anyway, I'll tell Carlisle, since he's coming to meet us for lunch as well and you'll tell my mom?" He asked, deciding to ignore my diatribe.
"Okay."
"Can I call this number if I need to talk to you?"
"Yes, you can."
"I have to go back because I'm the host and it's impolite to stay on the phone for long."
"I should go as well…" But neither disconnected the call. I was already feeling remorseful about the whole thing and he being cute wasn't helping. "Edward, why do you have to be you?"
"You wouldn't love me the way you do if I weren't the way I am."
"I never said I loved you," I stated defensively. "It's too soon."
"Did you know that you talk in your sleep? It's fascinating as it is informative. When will your mind acknowledge what your heart feels? How long do you think it takes for a person to fall in love? Is there some random minimum trial period?"
"Edward, it's not the time to talk about this."
"Really, how long does it take? Five months are clearly not enough for you, so how long could it be? One year?! Ten years?! Could you please give me a time span I can work with? You're aware that it takes you as much time falling in love as it takes other people falling five times in and then again out of love."
"If they fall out of love that often it wasn't really love to begin with, was it?" And I disconnected the call. I hated when our conversations went around in circles. Besides, I wasn't prepared to make myself vulnerable again.
"Is everything alright?" Rosalie asked taping me lightly on the shoulder. "He seemed quite angry but you do know how to push his buttons, don't you?" She teased, trying to access my reaction even though I was still looking over the terrace´s view.
"Jesus, Rose, I can't love him, can I?" I asked. Saying it aloud wasn't without trouble and it made it feel real. "He'll tear me apart and I know that I'm not good for him either."
"Then walk away."
"It's not that easy. There's so much going on…" and I burst into tears as it hit me that I was denying the inevitable. I was never the sort of person who could separate the physical from the emotional…
"Hi, Rosalie." I heard Alice's cheerful voice behind us. "Hi there, Bella! I hope we're not too late." The way she managed to seem so happy when she was crumbling inside never ceased to amaze me. Now she was someone who had the potential to initiate the demarches of a war that could rival the assassination of the Archduke Franz Ferdinand and that forced me to get my act together. I quickly tried to disguise my tears because it was neither the time nor the place for a breakdown. I could tell that Rosalie was worried and I gave her a weak smile and whispered "I'll be fine," before turning around to face Alice and the prospect mother-in-law, who I feared wasn't my number one fan.
"Did we come on a bad time?" Esme asked as she looked at me quizzically.
"No," I assured a little too harshly, "as a matter of fact I couldn't be happier for a distraction. Life sometimes weaves dense webs around you and it's easy to let yourself get tangled by them. I believe a few hours away from it may actually help me to gain a different and hopefully more enlightened perspective on the troubles at hand."
"You're probably under a lot of stress," Esme said conciliatory.
"Aren't we all?" Alice asked. "That's why we're going to shop till you drop today."
"What do you have in mind?" Rosalie asked.
"I don't know, have you been to Harrods?"
"Actually I haven't. Is there any baby clothing?"
"Oh, right." Alice swallowed hard, "congratulations on the baby."
"Thank you, we're very happy about it. And the good news is that Bella is going to be the godmother," she beamed almost beatifically. She was the only happy person sitting on that table. Our three course meal was served promptly and the service was impeccable even to Esme's standards. I don't have much recollection of what the food tasted like since I had to force it down. The conversation was pretty much benign from that moment on, apart from that first moment of discomfort that talking about babies always inflicted on Alice.
Esme grew more comfortable and ended up making a lot of personal questions, not in a rude way, but evidently she was a mother trying to figure out on her own if her son was dating someone worthy. She didn't seem taken aback in the least by the fact that my dad was a cop and my mom was Marie Thomas's daughter. Instead she asked about why I decided to become a doctor, how I endured going through med school, about my friends were and even how's my relationship with my family. Now that I looked back, it was a two hour interrogatory, but it didn't feel that way especially because she seemed pleased with the answers I gave her. After lunch, we went shopping and I have to admit that being with Alice really took the experience to a whole different level. She just always seems to know what suited best everyone.
"I have to get this out of my chest," I told Rosalie, "I don't think I ever spent so much money on clothing before."
"I can tell," chirped Alice in the back.
"Alice, you're being rude," Esme scolded her daughter.
"I know I should choose carefully what I wear since I don't have much of an excuse now, but I still opt for comfort and utility over looks."
"I don't think there's nothing wrong with being practical. Nevertheless, you don't have to sacrifice one in detriment of the other, dear. Accessories do help a lot in that matter," Esme offered.
"I think I have a long way to go until I make a successful transition to becoming a glamorous woman. To be honest I don't think I want to put much effort into it. It takes a lot of what in my opinion in a pointless effort to create that persona and it'd probably take more of my time than I'm willing to spend. I reckon I'll have to stick with passable," I teased.
"Esme, would you like to accompany me to the children's section? I'm dying to buy some clothes now that I'm in my second trimester while Bella buys herself something pretty for a party she'll have to attend next week."
We all knew that Rosalie was trying to get me some alone time with Alice because it was written all over her face that she needed to talk.
"You don't need to put any effort into being passable, and with only a little work you can become dazzling," she said.
"Quit the act Alice, what's wrong?"
"I actually mean it."
"Okay, I'll let you help me with my wardrobe. But tell me, what's really bugging you? You've been giving away signs all afternoon that something was amiss."
"Remember when I told you I was going to confront Jasper about how I felt?"
"Tell me you didn't," I nearly shouted. "Are you out of your mind?"
"Hush, do you want everyone listening to our conversation?" She said as she buried her face between some dresses hanged before us. "You should try this on," she added casually as she picked up a dress for me to try on. "No. I was going to but I chickened out."
So that was what relief felt like and she must have seen it in my face because her pupils contracted slightly when she looked at me.
"Can you imagine what this will do to your family?"
"I'm tired thinking about everyone else. When has anyone thought about me first? Not even my mother ever put me first. Why is everyone else's happiness more important than my own."
"Half the time you don't even like your stepbrother. How can you be sure that he's not just a teenage infatuation that you were never allowed to explore and as a result can't let it go?"
"Why do you have to make all the hard questions?"
"Because I'm the only person in the world you talk to about this; and I have to admit that I'm partial to Seth."
"Why don't you follow your own advice and start dating Jacob? He has a lot less baggage, he's probably hotter than my brother and he clearly adores you."
"It's not the same," I said in my defense.
"Is it really?" She asked as she dragged me to the dressing rooms to try the long goddess like blue dress.
"This dress is see through! It just has some appliqués around my thighs but it's pretty much like wearing a very short skirt. The sleeves and the demure neckline are very misleading," I huffed annoyingly as I came out for her to see.
"It's looks amazing on you. The perfect balance between sexy and demure. You have to buy it!"
"It's a 12000 pounds dress."
"Which you can afford. It's great for any occasion."
I went back to the dressing room facing the possibility that I had to buy a formal dress for no other reason than to appease Alice when I heard her say.
"I didn't talk to him because I kissed him and that really has taken him by surprise."
"I'm sorry?" I opened hastily the door that separated us, still in my underwear, completely shocked.
"I think he was lost for words afterwards, because he didn't say anything, not even when I asked him if it felt the same way when he kissed Madeline; instead he just stood there like a statue and stared at me like he was in shock. That wasn't the response I had in mind, and don't ask me what I was expecting because I don't think I thought everything through, and when I lost my nerve and turned away to a quick escape, he grabbed me by the wrist and kissed me back and all of sudden it's like we were on fire and he seemed as eager for that kiss as I was."
"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph," I was completely out of my depth.
"I think Carlisle might have guessed that something was going on because he heard a noise in the corridor and that actually was what broke us apart. I barely had time to straighten up my clothes before he entered the library. I think that we both looked a little wild and dazed and Jasper actually had to clear his throat in this very loud manner so that his voice could come out audible. And now," she breathed in and looked away with teary eyes, "I'm not sure if I should feel guilty because he's engaged to be married, relieved because Carlisle didn't actually found us together, or disappointed because he didn't. I don't know what to do with these ambivalent feelings." She sat on the floor completely helpless and I was at a total loss. "Are you aware that you're half naked?"
I was, so I quickly closed the door before saying "you got me distracted." And that was the understatement of the year. I panicked because I just knew she was going to remember, and I feared that creep could actually just come up clean.
"He's too old for you."
"He's 30 and I'm 23. It's not much of a problem now."
But when he impregnated her, she was a minor who was extremely inebriated at the time, so that makes it a huge problem.
"Aside from that," I said as I stepped outside the dressing room, "he's engaged. So even though I don't like Madeline, you're not the sort of person who messes around with engaged men. I think that if kissing hint wasn't enough of a hint then that man is a fool or he's just not that in to you. Either way, I guess we'll know how he feels about you."
"He called me about ten times today, but I couldn't face him yet."
"He's desperate then," and that was a bad thing. Why didn't I let the man talk to me the other day?
"I just want to hold on to the illusion that he might feel the same way about me as I do for another day. And then we'll talk."
I had 24 hours to convince Edward that he needed to tell Alice the truth because if she remembered on her own or worse if Jasper told her, I'm pretty sure she would never forgive her brother, and I didn't know how she would feel about Jasper afterwards. I still doubted that coming clean would make a real difference on how betrayed she'd feel, but it was a start.
"My phone is ringing again… could it be Jasper?" She took her phone from the side pocket in her purse. "It's Edward." She pressed the green button and picked up. "Hello, this is the most incredible sister in the world speaking… yes, she's here… he wants to talk to you." She handed me the phone. That man was a psychic.
"Your father is in great shape for his age."
"Is that a new way of greeting people? You British have the strangest idioms."
"Hello, sunshine," he was smiling for sure; his good mood was restored by a rugby game and I actually envied that ability that men seemed to have and that was elusive to women.
"Alice, I'm just going to pay for the dress. Why don't you meet Rosalie and your mother and I'll meet you there."
"That's my phone," she argued.
"I'm borrowing it for the moment. May I have some privacy to speak to my boyfriend?"
"Now he's the boyfriend…" but she walked away.
"Very entertaining indeed," he laughed.
"Are you alone?" I asked as I went back to the dressing room to make sure no one would listen.
"I just took a shower and I'm naked aside from a white linen towel. I'm not exactly alone but I'm far enough so that no one can listen to what you're saying, but I have to tell you that now might not be the time for dirty talking because your father and brother are here."
"Edward, I need you to pick me up immediately."
"Bella, what's wrong?" he sounded so worried.
"I'm fine," I assured, "it's just that there's something I need to tell you before dinner and I can't do it over the phone." I requested frantically.
"Are you pregnant?"
"What?" I swallowed hard and if not for the seriousness of the situation I'd have burst out laughing.
"It's okay if you are," he whispered.
"That's the most decent thing someone ever did for me," I thought aloud. And he took my answer as a confirmation because he said "I'll be there as soon as possible. I love you," and just like that he disconnected. I instantly tried to call him back, but not only he didn't pick up, it went straight to voicemail. Why did he switch off his phone? Was he insane?
I resigned to the idea that I'd have to wait an hour or so to clear up the misunderstanding. In the meantime, my heart skipped a beat when I paid for the dress and as I was trying to find the childcare section of the store, Alice's phone rang again. It was Jasper and driven by an impulse, I picked up her phone.
"HI, Jasper, it's Bella, I borrowed Alice's phone."
"Where's Alice?" He demanded as soon as he could overcome the surprise in hearing my voice instead of Alice's.
"She's with Rosalie and her mom. We're spending the day together."
"Can you please put her on the phone?"
"She's not here. Neither one of them is, actually." Come on Jasper, say something.
"Are you alone then?"
"As alone as one can be in a crowd."
"Have you been avoiding me, as well?"
"As well?" I asked nervously.
"That question only confirmed what I was already guessing. Please stay somewhere where no one can hear you. Can we talk now?"
"Yes." Could the day grow anymore surreal?
"Can I trust you?"
"You're not my favorite person in the world. I can't promise you that I'd never tell a soul whatever it is that you want to talk to me; especially if it concerns someone I truly care about. The only thing I can guarantee is that I will not use whatever you say against you and I'll try to keep it to myself."
"It's fair enough. Can I ask you something?"
"What do you know about my relationship with Alice?"
"More than I probably should," I admitted.
"I thought so as well."
"I kissed Alice yesterday," he blurted out, "I mean she kissed me and then I kissed her and if my father hadn't got in the way, I'd probably have sex with Alice at home, with very little finess, and without caring about who might have found us."
"Who told you she'd let things get that far?" That guy really got on my nerves.
"She would."
"Like she did when she was what, sixteen? She was a gullible teenager infatuated with her older stepbrother, someone she regarded as a hero. Why she put you - above all people - in a pedestal goes way beyond my comprehension. She was supposed to be safe with you. She trusted you and you broke that trust. She's still traumatized because of that fatidic night. You're about to marry another woman so get your act together and leave her alone."
"So asking you to talk to Edward about his stupid imposition is out of the table?"
"What imposition?" I made him clarify.
"My dear brother told me he'd make sure I'd get arrested because of that night. It was consensual; I swear to God that it was," he added forcefully.
"Are you trying to convince me or are you trying to convince yourself? Saying it aloud doesn't make it true. It just spreads the lie like pollen in the wind; you just never know where it might end up growing." I quickly cleaned up a tear that was threatening to stain my cheek. It was the second time that I was about to cry when not even Hall's crass words had any impact on me.
"I don't love Madeline. I can't marry her…"
"That's your prerogative, but don't bring Alice to it. Can you imagine the dirt that woman would sell to the press if you cancelled the wedding?"
"How is that supposed to convince me to stay in my current relationship?"
"I don't have to convince you of anything."
"You said Alice is still traumatized. I need you to explain that to me. I've never brought up the matter with her because I assumed that she was embarrassed and wanted to forget about it."
"Jasper, I have to go now because Edward should be here anytime. Can we continue this conversation tomorrow? Meet me at MorePharm in the morning. Seven o'clock is too early for you?"
"I'll be there," and he disconnected.
I had no trouble finding them. They were giggling like mad over tiny articles of clothing. Rose had already made a huge selection. "I think I'll have to buy an extra bag to take all this clothes back to Sydney," she said while I surreptitiously gave my credit card to the clerk, took care of the bill, and instructed where the packages should be delivered.
"Here's your phone, Alice. Thank you." I had been careful enough to delete Jasper's last call from her history. And just as I returned her phone, Edward called to ask where we were. I didn't get to speak with him but five minutes later, after a bland discussion with Rosalie about why she should accept gifts from the godmother of her baby, out of the blue I saw a red rose almost being shoved up my nose and he embraced me from the back.
"Sorry it took me so long," he apologized as he tilted my face upwards for the gentlest kiss. "Have you been crying?" He inquires when he realized how puffy my eyes were. And in that moment I almost whished that it was true, that we were a regular couple, I was pregnant and my boyfriend was the knight in shining armor doing the right thing and then we'd be happy ever after.
"Thank you for the rose. That's really thoughtful."
"You make me sick. Who are you and what have you done with my brother?" Alice teased.
"I'm actually delighted to see such a transformation. Just keep doing whatever you're doing, Bella. Rosalie, do you need a lift?" Esme asked.
"She'll go with Mathew and his team. I'll drive Bella and John will follow us. We'll be right behind you. Your father and brother are already on their way over to the Park."
I followed him to the parking lot where he parked his car, this time a Range Rover. I could feel Mathew's eyes in my back and I felt that I desperately needed to apologize for my behavior. I waved him goodbye and smiled so that he could be assured that everything was alright but he seemed so concerned.
As soon as we got into the car I had to tell him "I'm not pregnant. You didn't let me explain over the phone and then I called you back and it went straight to voicemail, but I'm not pregnant."
He was quiet for a while, just driving, and I was having a hard time gauging his reaction. I expected to see relief on his face, instead it seemed like he was going through some sort of turmoil inside.
"Edward, please say something." I begged.
"I don't know what to say; I feel quite stupid at the moment, thank you."
"You're not stupid because you jumped into conclusions"
"It's just that you were so upset when we first made love at Alice's because I didn't use a condom, and I did the math… I'm sorry."
"I'm actually quite happy that it happened."
"What?" He asked dumbfounded. "How come?"
"Cause now I know that I don't have to fear your reaction if I get pregnant a little ahead of time; it really is the sweetest thing you could do."
He nodded but he kept quiet for another 15 minutes or so.
"If you're not pregnant, what happened? It seemed like there was something really important that you needed to discuss."
"Edward you have to tell Alice what happened with Jasper."
"Are you out of your mind? We had this discussion many times before and the answer is still no."
"Keep your eyes on the road." I scolded him because he kept looking at me, his eyes were somewhere between anger and disbelief.
"I can't tell you what is going on, because I'd have to betray Alice's trust, and I value her friendship, please believe me when I tell you that she is going to remember and she won't get her facts from you first. She'll get them from him."
"You have to be more specific than that. I have to know what I'm dealing with."
"I don't have to tell you anything specific because the clues are very evident for you to see. He's not going to marry Madeline. They don't even have a date."
"It's going to be a long engagement. I'm sure I can find a way to get Madeline pressing Jasper in the right way."
"Edward, please listen to me. They kissed." Alice was going to kill me for this and I deserved to burn in hell because I was betraying her trust. "Carlisle almost caught them together in the library yesterday."
"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I'm going to kill him, and I'll dispose of the body, I swear I will. That fucker is still messing with my baby sister?"
"What if he does love her?"
"How could a grown playboy be in love with an innocent 16 year old? How consensual could it be? It's like she doesn't want to remember. My little sister was raped by my stepbrother. And I was the only one who carried that weight over his heart," he said slowly because emotion was overtaking him. "I wasn't even twenty when that happened and I had to make a decision. I'm not going to let him ruin my family. I won't let him hurt her again. I should have ended this a long time ago. Trying to forget it ever happened didn't work out, so I´ll just have to come up with something else."
"Edward pull over." I asked because he was driving furiously and it just started to rain. "Edward, I mean it, pull over now. You're scaring me." I pleaded.
His white knuckles regained some color as he diminished his grip on the wheel and he stopped.
"Is everything okay?" John asked after he pulled over to check on us.
"Bella wants to drive on the left side of the road and I don't want to deny her the pleasure."
"John, we're making a quick stop before we get to the house. We'll stay in grounds, I promise."
I switched places with Edward and got to the driver's side quietly.
"Thank you," I told him as I went back to the road.
"I didn't mean to scare you."
"I know you didn't. Will you please listen o what I have to say? There's nothing you can do to stop this. Even if Jasper got married right away, even if he disappeared out of the face of the earth, somewhere inside Alice is this memory and these feelings lurking and they will resurface. I don't think that either of them is too concerned about the scandal or about your family. Esme and Carlisle have been living a fantasy of their own without bothering to look around. I think that if they love each other as you say they do, they'll overcome whatever comes in their way. Alice isn't a teenager anymore and she deserves closure."
"No matter what you say, I'm still going to kill him. I should have done it a long time ago."
"No, you're going to tell Alice about it."
"This is not up for discussion anymore," he said quietly and I couldn't force another word from him no matter how I put it.
As we entered the grounds of the park, I took a right turn and drove for about 2 miles and showed him a little old cottage facing the bumpy road.
"What is this?"
"This is an old cottage that I decided to renovate to create a more comfortable and homey space inside the park. The main house's walls are tainted with bitter memories and sometimes even though I love the orangerie and the maze, I feel somewhat overwhelmed."
"Are you planning to move in?"
"Just a little over a year ago, I was engaged to someone who clearly didn't love me. He cheated on me with one of my closest friends. Have I told you that?" I didn't wait for his reply and continued with my ramblings. "At first, I thought I was in denial because I didn't feel the way I was supposed to feel – I didn't feel the right amount of pain. I mean, I couldn't have fooled myself into loving someone, could I?! As the weeks went by, my initial lack of real sadness was replaced by annoyance because they managed to go behind my back for who knows how long. Afterwards, I got angry with myself because I nearly married a man I didn't love. What if he hadn't cheated on me? Or worse, what if he had and I never found out about it? Could I have been strong enough to walk away if we actually set up a date? That thought distraught me like nothing ever before and propelled me to question pretty much everything I knew about myself. Six months ago, before meeting Henry, buying a little cottage like this - for me to just be alone - was everything I could dream about. I babysat my mother for years before and while in college and saw in the first person what the never ending search for something better, something hotter, for the mystery and the novelty did to my mother. And I wanted none of it, and in retrospect maybe that's why I settled. Six months ago, I was submitting resumes; I was worried about how I could ever repay my college loans and about how I could mend my brother's relationship with our mother. As I escaped for a couple of weeks from that insipid reality, somehow I ended up travelling first class to Sydney and met the man who for better and for worse, changed my life forever. And that leads me to you and this cottage. Six months ago, this was all I could dream for myself, because I had lost my ability to dream. I will make this little dream come true."
"I don't know what to-"
"Afterwards, I'd like to dream a different dream. I think you can play a major role in my dream, if you wish to. I want nothing more than to open up my heart to you but I'm afraid you'll crush it. You're scary when someone crosses you. I mean you're understanding, you say you love me, you save my life disregarding your own safety, you say you'll father my children, you acted like the most perfect gentleman today, but then you lie to get what you want, you make real threats against your brother, you use sex as a weapon, and worst of all you exploded a goddamned warehouse in Felixstowe."
"What are you talking about? How did you find out about it?" he demanded completely taken aback by that last remark.
"Does it matter?" I asked between sobs, hating myself because I was crying for the third time that day.
"No," he answered defeated.
"Did you do it? I need you to be honest with me!"
"Would you believe me if I said I didn't do it?"
"Yes, if you explained how you got yourself involved in the first place."
"Are you having me followed?" he queried with suspicion.
"No, if I had I would have known the answer to my question and I wouldn't be asking you about it. I'm just sick of everyone trying to make a fool out of me. I guess, we've been looking into the same things and our paths inevitably crossed."
"I'm not sure if I should be alarmed or proud of you," he added with a hint of incredulity in his voice.
"I feel exactly the same way about you."
He closed the distance between us, and pressed me against the jeep, holding my face in his hands and kissed me with abandon. My back was soaking against the wet car but I didn't care because it felt like we just made history and maybe a very aristocratic More and a complete plebeian Thomas descendent might actually stand a chance to make things work between them.
It started to rain again so he pushed me to the back seat of the car, and without another word he made love to me.
Love Kills, by Queen
(I love the new 2014 version, and it suits the story perfectly)
"Love don't give no compensation
love don't pay no bills.
Love don't give no indication
love just won't stand still.
Love kills
drills you through your heart
Love kills
scars you from the start.
It's just a living pastime
ruling your heart line
stay for a lifetime.
Won't let you go 'cause love
love
love won't leave you alone.
Love don't take no resenvation
love is no square deal.
Hey
love don't give no justification
strikes like cold steel.
Love kills
drills you through your heart
Love kills
scars you from the start.
It's just a living pastime burning your lifeline
Gives you a hard time
Won't let you go 'cause love
love
love won`t leave you alone.
Hey
love can play with your emotions
open invitations to your heart.
Hey
love kills. Play with your emotions
open invitations to your heart
To your heart
to your heart
love kills.
Love kills
hey
hey
love kills
love kills
love kills
love kills.
Love can play with your emotions
open invitations.
Love kills
hey
drills you through your heart.
Love kills
scars you from the start.
It's just a living pastime
ruling your heart line
won't let you go.
Love kills
hey
drills you through your heart
Love kills
tears you right apart.
It won't let go
it won't let go
love kills
yeah
yeah."