Chapter 31

A.N.: We're finally nearing the end and a lot will happen now. I'm not sure how many chapters I still have left because sometimes I get carried away and write a lot more than originally planned. I really need to cut back a little on the dialogues.

Thank you That'sMzPeachesTYVM for your reviews, I couldn't believe you took the time to review so many chapters.

Some of you asked about my wedding. Well, it was very traditional marriage because we're both catholic. I wore a lacy dress that had a big train and we had way too many guests. We went to Miami and the Caribbean. No phones, no computer, just a lot of sun and fun. I usually do the "cultural vacation" but it was nice for a change. Honestly, I can't imagine dragging my husband from one museum to another during our honeymoon.

The soundtrack to this chapter is the same: Love Kills, by Queen, the 2014 version (listen to it, it´s great and really fitting).

"Love kills
drills you through your heart
Love kills
scars you from the start.
It's just a living pastime
ruling your heart line
stay for a lifetime.
Won't let you go 'cause love
love
love won't leave you alone."

It took us a few moments to regain our breath. I was sitting astride him, my head resting on the crook of his neck and my arms were limply around him. I'm pretty sure his fingers bruised me as they dug in my hips while he pushed and pulled. But on the aftermath, they were caressing gently my hair as his nose brushed along the contour of my neck.

"I love the way you smell," he said, and his roughened voice burst the bubble around us.

"Before we get back, or you distract me in some other way, you have to promise me that you won't do anything against Jasper and that you'll at least consider telling Alice soon."

He closed his eyes and dropped his head noisily against the car seat, nodding his head from side to side.

"I mean it; I could never forgive you if anything happened to him. Do you hear me?" I was growing frustrated. "I'll know if you do something wrong."

"What do you want me to say? I lost nearly everything to protect Alice from this particular truth." He was yet again referring to Henry's inheritance.

"Yes, I know," I swallowed hard trying to dissipate the bitter taste in my mouth. "But you'll lose your sister's affection. And maybe it's not much of a threat, but you'll lose me as well. There are things that I'm not sure I could cope with."

"Please, don't say that. Just, let me think about it, okay?" His eyes were almost begging.

I knew that it was the best offer I could take from him at the time, so I didn't push it any further. Somehow I had to convince Jasper not to do anything rash to buy Edward some time, and I definitely had to keep an eye on him for the rest of the week. What bothered me the most was the knowing that as soon as I went back home, Edward would be alone with his machinations.

"Come now, we have a dinner party to attend and you still have a lot of explaining to do, Your Grace. Don't think even for a minute that you're not explaining your involvement with the Hall's situation."

Those words completely changed his stance, his eyes narrowed, assessing. I could see why that cold stare was so feared, but over those last months I probably grew something resembling to a backbone, because I refused to look away. Sometimes I still woke in the morning asking what happened to my life, because it felt like I was living somebody else's life, like that man sitting next to me would always be a stranger no matter how I tried to believe otherwise and like I lost my calling.

"Where are you going in such a hurry?" Rosalie asked as I was turning to the corridor that led to my room. I was hoping to go unnoticed because I was completely disheveled.

"The wonders of make-up sex," Rosalie teased as she assessed me.

"Is it that obvious?" I flushed.

"Yes," but she leaned and moved up her arm towards me like she was about to grab something, "I think you have something weird right- I'm kidding," she joked "there's nothing visible that could be construed as biohazard material. And if there was I'd never touch it; but you should have a shower because your hair looks like Amy Winehouse's." She burst out laughing.

"Great, Alice is rubbing on you," I mumbled as I ran back to my room.

"I have to admit that the boys took some pity on us," Carlisle said with raw amusement while Esme couldn't hold back the disbelief in her face.

"I can't say the same about this guy here," my brother added pointing at Edward, "you almost dislocated my shoulder," he complained.

"You," Edward emphasized, "almost dislocated your shoulder while tackling me!" Edward answered almost in outrage. "And I'm pretty sure I broke a couple of ribs in the process," he added rubbing the left side of his thorax.

"That's nothing for a tough guy like you, right?! Although you did lie when you said that you didn't wear protections: you wore a mouth guard, a headpiece and even shin guards…" Emmett teased.

"So did you," defended my father.

They bantered back and forth for the entire duration of the meal, keeping the conversation light and fun. Even so, from time to time, Edward's eyes became blank, and his mind wandered; Alice was quieter than usual as well. Even so, everyone seemed to be getting along fairly well, if not for the stress threatening to break the surface.

Alice ended up going home with Carlisle to keep him company, and Esme with the chauffeur who took her to London. Apparently she wasn't fond of driving and seldom did so unless it was a necessity. As we were saying our goodbyes, Edward lingered and when his mom asked him if he wanted to go home, he almost seized the opportunity but he quickly declined after barely taking a look in my way; that man was a smart fellow - I wouldn't let him out of my sight for the remnant of the week.

My father seemed bummed as well, after all he was a dad whose unmarried daughter was inviting a boy over, but what could he say? The guy in question had already slept there for the past few days and technically it was my house.

"Don't even think about getting out of my sight for the rest of the week. Having you followed doesn't come cheap, so spare us the trouble," I said as we closed the bedroom door behind me.

"I wasn't-"

"Don't lie to me," I warned.

"Then don't push me. I need time to think this through; I need a plan…" he said pausing between each word in order to create an impression. "I'm still mad at you for snooping around and probably putting yourself at risk in the process. So stop it!"

"I took Mathew because John is a snitch. Have it occurred to you that I don't particularly enjoy having my every step monitored?"

"Have it occurred to you that it's for your own protection because whoever tried to kill you is still lurking out there? Besides, if you don't like to have your every step monitored you should probably extend me the courtesy." He exhaled loudly frustrated. "God… Let me sleep, cool down, and we'll talk about it in the morning. How's that for a plan?" He slammed the door behind him as he entered the bathroom.

After his outburst, I called John to let him know that I had an early appointment at MorePharm and quickly dressed my pajamas and went to bed just to be soon followed by a sulking Edward who gave me the cold treatment but ended up pulling me into his arms barely ten minutes after I turned off the lights.

I thought I was having a nightmare when my phone rang at three in the morning. In my sleepy haze, I wrongly reckoned it was the phone's alarm, but I still had a couple more hours to sleep. I quickly muted the ringtone, but Edward woke up nevertheless.

"Who is it?"

"Go back to sleep," I prompted Edward.

"You have to educate your friends about the world time zone," he added grouchily, assuming it was Angela, before turning on his back and falling asleep again.

"Hello," I answered as soon as I entered the corridor and closed the bedroom's door behind me. When I saw Alice's name on the screen I was overtaken by a very bad feeling.

"Bella," she sobbed. "I- oh God," and she burst out crying.

"Where are you?" I questioned as I was walking down the corridor that led to the staircase.

"I'm… I… Bel-…" She couldn't even speak. "Oh my God…"

"Alice, please focus, where are you?"

"I'm not… sure. I'm…"

She was in shock; clearly something had happened. By that time I was already downstairs halfway to the library and wondered if I should go back to the room and wake Edward up.

"Please, you're scaring me Alice. Where can I find you?"

"I'm somewhere between my house and More Park" she managed to say eventually. "I can't drive anymore," he sobbed. "My hands are shaking and I'm so cold…"

"Alice, stay where you are and I'll get you."

I went to find my purse and just next to it were Edward's car keys. I must have forgotten to give them back which suited me perfectly, so I went straight to the car and drove off to find a very scared Alice. As I was leaving the safe perimeter, my phone rang again.

"John, it'll take me just 15 minutes. I'm picking up Alice," and I ended the call.

I redialed Alice's number but she wasn't picking up her phone anymore. Those 15 or so miles I drove until I found her felt more like a hundred. It was drizzling when I left the house, but after a few miles it started pouring rain which was bummer because I still struggled to drive on the left side of the road. Luckily, she was easy enough to find.

"Alice, are you ok?" I asked almost in a shriek as I opened the door of her car. She looked right through me, almost like an animal blinded by strong headlights in the middle of the night. I was getting soaked and apparently we weren't going anywhere. "Alice?"

"It was Jasper," she whispered. "It was Jasper. Why… oh… why did it have to be him?"

And my heart broke because it was too late, she remembered. It was probably that kiss that brought everything back to her. My mind was running so wild that for a moment I forgot I was in the rain.

"Come on, I'll drive you home." I said leaning forward to unfasten her seatbelt in what I hoped was soothing tone; she was having none of it.

"No, please don't," she screeched, "I can't go home, please." She sobbed and pushed me away from her, fighting me. "Is that Edward's car?" she asked looking at the Range Rover bordering hysteric.

"It is, but he's not here, it's just the two of us."

She broke down after that, and pulled me into a tight embrace, crying convulsively against my shoulder. It took her a while to calm down enough for us to move and when she finally did, everything became strangely quiet, to the point where every sound became more intense even in the heavy rain. It wasn't safe for us to be alone in the middle of the night in a deserted road.

"Come, let's go back to More Park and we'll have someone pick up your car in the morning."

She followed me silently to the car and no sound came out of her while we drove. Sometimes a rebellious tear came down her face in an otherwise unmoving mass of muscles. I'd rather have her screaming and shouting like before, that quietness bared more of her intimate turmoil than anything else; she was in close vicinity to her breaking point.

As soon as I parked the car, John somehow materialized next to me but refrained from commenting on the situation after seeing Alice literally paralyzed back in her seat. I'm not sure she even realized we stopped.

"She's somewhat in a shock. Do you think you can help me take her upstairs?"

John was never a man of many words, he just nodded and opened the passenger's door. As he was trying to pick her up, it's like a dam broke, and she resumed her kicking and screaming, it was like John's hand were burning her skin. I never saw such an extreme reaction, the revulsion, the anger and finally the exhaustion.

"Alice," I begged, "let John help you up. I'm right here."

"I'm sorry, John." She said after coming to her senses, her voice was no more than a whisper. "I can walk."

I helped her going up to her usual bedroom. Once there, she just took off her shoes and went to bed without undressing.

"Bella, stay. I don't think I want to be alone right now."

"Sure, scoot over," I asked after I got rid of the wet clothes I was in. "Your brother-" the word made her flinch. I was about to tell her that Edward was not in a good mood but I refrained when I saw how that word made her feel. Brother. My heart hurt for my friend, because what I feared the most just happened. I knew she had yet to hit the bottom and that maybe she wouldn't allow me to help her up once she realized that I already knew everything. It wasn't an easy situation to deal with and I blamed Edward for it, all I could think of was if he had just told her the damn truth I wouldn't be in this situation. I knew it was a wrong, selfish even thought.

"Do you want me to get you something to help you sleep?" I asked after a few minutes of quietude, only occasionally interrupted by a lonesome sob. She needed time so I waited. And waited… and waited some more. The only thing that gave away that she wasn't actually sleeping was her rugged breathing pattern.

"I lost so many years," she whispered almost inaudibly that I had a hard time processing what she meant. And it took her a while longer to manage the courage to continue. "I had sex with my brother."

She sounded disappointed so I started to hope that she didn't remember what happened before, maybe she just regretted what happened between them on that day.

"It wasn't magical." She continued. "It was horrible."

"Maybe you weren't ready for the intimacy coming from lovemaking…" I began, but she interrupted me.

"It was him, all those years ago, it was him… I didn't remember right away… I welcomed his kisses; I followed him to his bedroom, and it felt good for a while. Afterwards I started to stress about the fact that he had a fiancée and no matter how much I hated her it wasn't in me to become the other woman in a love triangle. I pushed him away, apologizing for leading him on, because what we were about to do was wrong!" She was breathing hard and she paused to regain her strength. "He asked me how it could be wrong when it felt so right. He grabbed his phone out of his pocket and asked me if I wanted him to call her and cancel the wedding. He wouldn't go through with it anyway; so I just stood there, feeling like I just won the lottery. We kissed, and he undressed me in a haze. I barely registered the moment when I was lying on my back naked and he just entered me. It hurt like hell." And it had to considering she wasn't intimate with any man for over six years. I remembered feeling somewhat void when I first made love to Edward, but I couldn't remember him being a selfish, uncaring lover. "He was surprised and asked me if he was hurting me, that I felt as tight as the first time." Oh Lord, that was even worse than I feared.

"I'll make it good for you this time, I promise sweetheart, just relax, he said, and then he began to move inside me. But it still hurt, how could I relax?" she burst out laughing hysterically before resuming her sobs.

"It hurt more the first time," she paused again, "I remember now how much it hurt…and I… And I realized that he didn't stop." She broke down again completely overwhelmed by despair.

And then it hit me why she forgot: it probably hadn't been consensual at all.

"Did he stop tonight?" I questioned tentatively. I didn´t know how much her answer mattered for me until he answered.

"I'm so ashamed of myself because it's like the memories had taken over and I was there, I was sixteen again reliving everything… but at the same time I wasn't - I was looking at us from up above, you know? I was detached from my body; I saw him moving but didn't make the connection between what I was seeing and what I was feeling; the meaning of that action where I was taking an active part. I think I was trying to embrace and maybe manage to go beyond the physical pain."

"Did he stop tonight?"

"I didn't ask him to. I just froze beneath him."

"Did you ask him to stop the first time?"

"Yes, I think I did…" her voice broke. "My head was spinning but I still cried the whole time. I didn't cry tonight though."

That was so fucked up. I was enraged to the point of insanity, how could she not ask him to stop? How the hell had he not noticed that he was fucking a corpse?! Did he even care about anyone else? I felt like shaking her for her stupidity but another thought rushed through my mind before I delved any further, "Alice did you use protection?"

"No," and she burst out crying again.

It took me a couple of hours to calm her down and I had to force 10 mg of diazepam down her throat. She fell into a restless slumber but I thought it was preferable to reality. I had to go to a pharmacy and buy a morning after pill for her. The last thing she needed was to go through an unwanted pregnancy. How could Jasper be so crass?

I left her temporarily, wondering what to do next. I had nine missed calls on my phone; all of them were Jasper's, so in an impulse I called him back because I doubted he was asleep. "Our meeting schedule is still valid. Meet me at the church here at More Park. You'll be escorted in and then out of it. Don't even consider coming in the perimeter of the main house because you won't be allowed in." And I disconnected without giving him chance to reply.

I went back to my room and dressed quickly and without a sound. I looked over at Edward's sleeping form; he was going to be out of his mind about this and I didn't know what to do.

"John, there was a change of plans, I was supposed to go to an early meeting in London but it was cancelled. Instead, I'm meeting Jasper Cullen around the same time here at the church. As soon as he's at the gates, make sure he goes there without any derail, and then from there out again. I don't want to risk Alice or Edward knowing he's here."

"Should we stay close to you when he comes?" he asked without a trace of shock.

"Yes, I'm not sure what he's up to."

Even though the small church was close to the main house, it was on the other side of the hill, and therefore it allowed us a little privacy. The rain had subsided, but it was terribly cold and it was still dark. I wondered somehow to the little baby's tomb, the one who unbeknown to her brought so much hurt and desolation to her parents and who never stood a chance in such a cruel world. She would always be a reminder of how everything can go wrong, but in the end there is always hope.

I was brought back from my reverie by the sound of tires rolling over the gravel. It almost seemed like a warlord's meeting. Jasper got out of the back door of the black SUV that Albert, our new member on the team, drove. John was the one who opened the door for him, and leaned against the car looking relaxed.

"This is nice…"

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't have you killed right now?" I spat as soon as I heard his treacherous voice.

"Is she here?" I nodded in response. "Thank goodness. Please, can I talk to her? She left without a word and then I couldn't sleep and went to find her, but she wasn't in her room or anywhere else and I panicked when I realized her car was missing." He seemed contrite, but how much of it was for my benefit?

"I asked you to wait… haven't I? You took advantage of her again." I said accusingly.

"I love her," he said brokenly, "and she still loves me!" He added more to convince himself.

"What kind of love is that? You stay the hell away from her!"

"Or what?!" He screeched leaning in my direction and forcing John to almost jump out of his skin.

"Back off, Mr. Cullen," John warned.

"You think I'm scared of you? Apparently you are considering you don't even give me the benefit of having a private conversation…"

"Let's go inside the chapel then."

"I want her and I'll have her." He said as soon as we entered the little building, his words echoing around us. "I was going to ask for your help because I know my little brother will want to eat me alive for this, but I assumed you were a romantic. I never had any intention on marrying Edward's former whore. You know he was the one who taught her how to fuck, don't you?" He spat.

"That's low even coming from you. You think you'll get on my good side talking like that?"

"The only side if you I could tolerate would have to be you down on all fours. You're hot, but not that pretty."

I gave him a big sigh of relief before I answered sarcastically "that's actually a relief… but well, I suppose I'm a little too old for you. You're more into virgin sixteen year olds." His eyes were murderous after that. "Don't make me call John again," I warned.

"She didn't seem sixteen. She dressed that little dress and gave me the most smoldering looks… She wanted me as much as I wanted her. How could I have known she was a virgin? You didn't know her back then; she was a rebel, always looking for some trouble. That night we both had too much to drink and I let myself go. That's hardly a crime. She was a beautiful young woman and I fancied her, and I thought I couldn't have her… but the she was the one who hit on me first. So I acted like any male with a healthy sex drive."

"A young woman?! If her age didn't discourage you then the fact that she was your step sister should have." It felt so good to tell him that.

"I only realized things got a little rough afterwards, but it was too late." He seemed repentant yet again. God I couldn't understand him. Was he some kind of psychopath? "Anyway, she never gave any indictment that it meant anything to her. She continued to party and a few months later she just disappeared. Esme was actually relived when Edward suggested that she should go abroad to study for a while. She had no clue of what to do with her and she was afraid my dad might ditch her, just like he had my mother. He just took her to the States and I didn't see her for months. When she came back, it was like she was someone else entirely, like Edward made her do a personality transplant. But she still looked at me, sometimes, when she thought I wasn't looking. I backed off and realized she needed time to grow the fuck up; I never wanted a scared child in my bed. This Madeline shit, I did it out of spite to get back at Edward and to provoke Alice to get out of her shell."

"You promised Edward that you'd stay away from her…"

"No one needed to know about this. Edward blew everything out of proportion with his idiotic ultimatum. If I want something, I'll get it. I'm sick of having just Edward's leftovers. Alice is the big prize and to hell with everyone in that patched up family."

"Do you want her because you really love her or because you can't have her?"

He burst out laughing and sat down amused a couple of benches away from where he stood.

"What does it matter to you? That's actually rich coming from a woman who fucked a septuagenarian. I mean, you're probably the best lay in the world considering you're worth over 12 billion dollars. Not even my little brother could resist that…"

I felt like slapping him, so I dug my nails in my own flesh to prevent me from doing something rash.

"What are you doing here, Jasper? I don't understand you at all." At best, he seemed bipolar.

"I thought you'd understand what it was like to want something you cannot have. We're the same. Don't you see the resemblance between your relationship with Edward and mine with Alice?"

"Apart from the fact that I don't personally like you, no matter how you look at it, you raped her twice. That alone is enough to make it different."

"I didn't…"

"Yes. You. Did. And I have no words to describe the monstrosity that happened tonight." My eyes were moist when I said that.

"I'm not marrying Madeline," he affirmed petulantly.

"Good for you, although I think you're actually perfect for one another."

"I'll fight for Alice. I don't give a damn anymore. Tell Edward that, will you? You know that once Madeline realizes that she's not going to be a lady, she'll dig up every sordid detail about this family and show it to the world."

"What do you mean?"

"She knows about me and Alice, why do you think she's so bloody determined on making Alice suffer?"

"You're going to jail then…" I threatened, but his cunning eyes showed that he knew that wasn't even a remote possibility.

"I doubt that, especially when I manage to convince Alice to marry me. Edward on the other hand has a lot more to lose. I assume he decided to stay with you because he couldn't find a way out of that will. Haven't you noticed that the MorePharm shares are going up again? Rumor has it that he's really the one in charge, as he was supposed to. He's a lot smarter than I gave him credit, because I advised him to stay away from you, that you were a bitch who got what was supposed to be ours, but now I'm not so sure. You seem somewhat besotted. That bastard fooled us both."

"Is this about some stupid rivalry between you two?" I asked taken aback.

"Maybe to some extent…" he seemed to be pondering his next words but I couldn't take it anymore.

"Get out, Jasper."

The shares weren't going up, they were stagnant.

Was the Hall thing just a maneuver to divert my attention?

No, of course not, it couldn't be…

He was just using a very old strategy, break apart and divide.

"I have a little gift for you - a token of my good will. Make yourself some popcorn when you see this because it's a fucking masterpiece. I'll be expecting your call later today, because I know you might be a little more sensible than Edward… And even if you're not, at least he'll suffer the same kind of pain I have over the last few years." He added as he left what seemed to be a pen drive in the empty bench next to him. "I assume your lackeys are driving me back to my car."

I only nodded, completely frozen not knowing what to make of any of this.