Chapter 32

What the hell had just happened?

I asked myself that question over and over again as I walked back home. The cold air didn't do much to cool me down. There was something terribly wrong with Jasper Cullen.

The pen drive was burning inside my pocket, and I feared its content because without a doubt he was trying to get back at Edward for everything. Bottom line, his motif wasn't any deeper than a serious case of jealousy. Being the elder step brother of someone like Edward was probably harder than he let people know.

I remember Edward saying they drifted apart over the past few years. Clearly, the image of the perfect family Esme and Carlisle tried to create was nothing but a mirage. It seemed to me that the only person who regarded their marriage with a healthy amount of concern and respect was Edward; even though I didn't initially agree with him or his decisions, I could now at least understand where he came from.

If just for a moment I could distance myself from all the filthiness around us… I thought about the man sleeping in my bed and wondered what this meant for us. Undoubtedly seeing whatever Jasper left for me to see probably meant there was something that could break us apart as a couple. Maybe he sensed that I wouldn't be an ally and decided to find a way to draw me away or maybe because he couldn't have Alice he decided to have some sort of revenge against us. Either way as I approached the main house, after refusing to take a ride back with Albert and John, my heart started to race so fast I knew I was on the verge of a panic attack.

It was seven in the morning when I returned home. Another sleepless night, I sighed.

"Good morning Dr Swan, I believe your father is already up and having breakfast," I was told by Hannah.

"Of course, he's probably a little jetlagged. What about his Grace?"

"Not that I'm aware of."

"Thank you."

And without hesitation, I headed to where my dad was having his breakfast.

"Daddy…" I called after him as soon as I entered the dining room.

"Good morning, Bells. I couldn't sleep anymore. I think it'll take Emmett a while longer to wake up."

"What would you like to eat Madam?" I was asked. My stomach twisted in little knots just at the thought of eating so I asked for porridge as I sat down next to my dad.

"Nice bunker…" My dad began. It was hard not to be impressed with the Park.

"It's an impressive house… It was Henry's home actually. One of the few houses not attached to the Duchy." I said casually.

"So Edward inherited the other ones?" I nodded in response waiting for him to continue. It seemed he was about to say something but decided against it. "You're serious about him?"

"I guess…" I said vaguely.

"I'm worried about you. Everything seems so… surreal."

"I feel a little out of place most of the time," I confessed.

"Honey," he hesitated, "no one would dare think less of you if you decided that you didn't need all of this…"

"Not everyone…" I answered thinking about my mom.

"You don't owe us anything. I know you're trying to bring Emmett and Rosalie back home, and nothing would make me happier than being able to see my grandkid more than a couple of times a year. But all of this is taking a toll on you. You don't smile anymore."

"I was never much into smiling…"

"No, you never were much into giggling or even laughing out loud, but your eyes did all the smiling…"

"I'm just so tired dad…" and my eyes moistened, his concern meant so much to me. I tried to blink away the tears, but nothing could fool a worried parent.

"Bells, what's wrong?"

"So many things aren't working out as planned…"

"Well I'm pretty sure there was no way in hell you could have planned this…"

"I know, dad… It's just that… sometimes when I wake up in the morning I can't remember where I am." I looked around the now familiar dining room before continuing. "It's just for a few seconds, until I come around, but it unnerves me beyond words and I feel completely out of control over my own life… Occasionally, I can't even remember who I am."

"You have to give yourself some slack. Slow down, you work too hard, you travel too much… and this relationship of yours…what about this thing with Edward? I know I'm going to sound a lot like a nosy father, but I have some reservations about him. It just seems unnatural to me that a man like him can see beyond the fact that you inherited what he believed to be his by birthright."

"Dad, I think he loves me. In some twisted joke of fate we just feel this invisible and completely irrational pull to one another…" I stopped because I didn't know how to say it in any other way.

"Bells, not even your mother could overcome the fact that Henry More picked you over her to be his heir…" I knew that, but it still felt like a punch in the stomach. "I just want you to make sure that-"

"That he's just not after a way to recover his lost inheritance…" I completed his sentence and my dad only nodded. "Why do you think I'm so afraid of really giving my heart away? That thought is constantly on the back of my mind. And I'm ashamed of it because if it's not true… Can you imagine greater injustice?"

My dad's eyes moistened in response and it took him a while to respond.

"Bells, I have no doubt you already gave your heart away." He stopped waiting for a reply that I couldn't give him. "That worries me because I don't have the means to find out if his feelings for you are completely altruistic."

"In times like these I think faith is all we have left…" I heard myself saying, defending him.

"But sometimes we need solid proof to make sure that the risk we're taking won't be in vain. I love you and I don't want to see you get hurt. The only reason I don't completely disapprove of him is the fact that I know he's doing a decent job at keeping you safe."

I nodded and forced down another spoonful of porridge. I wanted to ask my dad's opinion about Alice and Jasper but I didn't want to betray her trust. Besides, it wasn't his jurisdiction.

I forced myself to sit for another five minutes or so to enjoy my dad's unconditional love. Because I was afraid of what was coming next.

Alice was still sleeping when I went back to check on her. It didn't look like she was resting; she seemed almost in a locked in state. But forcing her out of her shell wasn't a better alternative so I closed the door behind me slowly and went back to my own room.

Edward had already showered and dressed. He stood in front of the mirror tying his tie effortlessly like he probably had hundreds of times before; he was always so sure of… of everything. I clicked the door behind me softly; the sound got his attention so he turned slowly in my direction, his tie hanged loose around his neck as I distracted him away from his task.

"Good morning, sweetheart. I woke up in a very cold and lonely bed. Am I to get used to waking up all alone?"

"Edward, we have to talk," I said with a monotonic voice.

"I know. Can it wait until breakfast?" He tried to joke but I guess he realized how serious I looked because he asked "are you alright?"

I only nodded as I sat on the bed.

"Alice knows," I said as soon as I could muster the courage to do so and tt took him a few seconds to register the meaning of my words, but when it did his face morphed into something I hated. His eyes went cold, his posture rigid and his face became expressionless. It was impossible to talk to him reasonably when he went into his ruthless mode.

"Did you tell her?" he nearly whispered, but the accusation didn't do unnoticed.

"No."

"How did it happen then?" he asked menacingly, as he began to walk towards the bed.

"Ask her."

"Don't do this to me, Bella. What happened?" He asked grabbing my arm and pulling me to an upright position.

"Ask her." I repeated again but slower this time, like he was retarded.

"Where is she?"

"She's here. She's still asleep, I just checked on her."

"She was the one who called you, wasn't she? Why didn't you tell me?"

"If she wanted to talk to you, she would have called you, not me."

"God," he exhaled as he turned around to face the window, as his hands disheveled his hair in an automatic way.

"I just talked to Jasper. He's not going to make this easy for you. I don't think he cares much about the scandal. He's breaking up with Madeline."

"I'm going to kill that fucker," he said as he ran past the door.

"Edward," I cried behind him. "Where are you going?"

"Stay here with Alice." He ordered without a glance.

"Edward, stop, we have to talk." But my words didn't do anything to deter him.

"Does she know that we knew?" he asked over his shoulder.

I realized that was the moment to make him stop, so I didn't answer right away.

"Bella, does she?" He asked finally pausing to look at me, in the middle of the corridor.

"What are you going to do?" I asked him, but was interrupted by a soft voice coming from the other end of the corridor.

"Edward?" Alice looked so haunted and fragile in that moment. "Did you know?" her voice cracked.

And I just witnessed the next few moments in slow motion, the doubt, the questioning and the despair in her eyes as soon as she realized the truth. She found out in the worst possible way.

"Know what, Alice?" He asked, after swallowing hard.

"You always knew." She accused. "And you too! I Thought I could trust you, Bella!"

"I can't deal with this right now. Just, take care of her for me will you?"

"Edward? Edward?"

He just turned his back and walked away while Alice went back into her room, both leaving me.

I stood in the corridor for a while, completely baffled by the whole situation. A part of me wanted to go after Edward and prevent WWIII, but I couldn't leave Alice, so as soon as I regained some sort of composure, I called Mathew.

"Mathew, his Grace is leaving the Park. Don't lose him but please don't let him see you."

"What's happening?" He asked worried.

"I'll explain later. Let me know."

"Alice, please let me in." I begged after realizing she locked the door. "I'm sorry you figured things out like this."

I sat on the floor by the door, hoping she'd eventually let me in. As the minutes went by and there wasn't any sound coming from the room, I'd figured I'd be there for a long time. After an hour, my legs were stiff and I was beginning to feel completely helpless, considering if I should just knock down the door.

"Alice, please understand. It wasn't my secret to tell. I begged Edward to tell you, but… I don't know… I guess he just wanted to protect you from all this grief."

No movement and another hour went by… I was beginning to really worry.

"Alice, if you don't open the door, I'll have to ask Hannah to bring the master key. Please, I'm really worried, you don't have to talk to me, I just need to be sure that you're okay."

A few seconds later the door opened with a thud and a very angry young woman came out of the room, but her eyes were no longer vacant but it seemed to me that she had a purpose.

"How can I possibly be okay? I trusted in you and you deceived me. I expected that from everyone else, anyone but you! You were my only friend…"

"I know, and I'm sorry… I just couldn't tell you… I didn't know how… I-"

"You chose my brother over me. That's what this really comes to…"

"Alice, you're being unfair, I-"

"Were any of you fair with me? Have you thought about me?" She screamed. "About how I would feel?"

"Yes, actually I did. And that's why I didn't know how to tell you. How should I break it down?" I asked her, and she turned her back to me and walked down the corridor.

"So you're leaving to? Really?" I asked dumbfounded as I saw another More walking out the door.

"I can't do this. I need to think and I don't want to be here when Edward comes back." That was the first sentence she articulated. She was angry, and anger was good. I could understand that. Anger was better than a lifeless shadow.

"Okay, I'll just grab my keys and we'll go wherever you want."

"No, I need to be alone. I don't want to talk to you right now. I need time to think."

I followed her downstairs trying to reason with her, to no avail.

"Where is my car? I thought you said John was going to pick it up for me in the morning…."

"He didn't have the time. Alice, please look at me. I'm not letting you drive in that state of mind."

"What now? Am I being held hostage?"

"Don't be silly, of course you're not being held hostage. John will drive you whenever you want to go."

She stood there weighting her options, but she probably saw that I was determined not to let her drive.

"Fine, call John. I want to go to London."

"Sure."

After asking John to bring the car, I followed her out. She didn't look at me again and I had a feeling that I was going to pay for this. I shouldn't have intruded in their personal affairs, I got caught in the middle and I didn't have anyone to blame but myself. I kept berating myself about asking J to continue his investigations.

"Alice, for what it's worth I am truly sorry and I hope that one day you can forgive me. I was in a though spot…"

I saw a tear escaping down her face but she didn't answer. Instead, she walked straight into the car, without even glancing back.

I morosely walked back into the house and locked myself in the library. As I paced around the beautiful old room, with so much knowledge stored on its shelves, I grew more and more distressed because I didn't have the slightest clue about how to manage the situation. Rational Bella kept yelling at me to stay away from the whole thing for a while because there was nothing I could do to ameliorate the situation. Another part of me wanted to ask John to force Alice to come back and to kick Edward in the shin.

The reasonable part in me figured that I've done enough already and that I should wait to see how things turned out. As I sat in my chair, prepared to accept that there wasn't anything that I could do at the time besides within reason making sure they were alright, my phone buzzed in my pocket.

"Mathew, what's going on?"

"Bella, I'm sorry. I lost him! He came to his parents' house for an hour and then I saw his car leaving the property again. I followed him from a safe distance but he must have known that he was being tailed because someone of his staff just stopped to refuel. Edward isn't in the car."

"Damn it."I should have guessed that he'd see through my pathetic attempt. "It's fine, just come home Mathew."

"Yes, Ma'am"

I tried to call Edward several times but it went straight to voicemail. At first I was worried, but later, as the time went by I grew angrier by the minute. John drove Alice back to her apartment in London and to my great relief dropped her off at the airport. I didn't know how to thank him for protecting my friend the way he did.

"Where's Edward?" Rosalie asked evenly after dinner. We'd spent the whole day together and even though everyone knew something was amiss, no one dared asking so far. My dad had already gone to bed, jet lag had finally caught up to him, and we were comfortably sipping tea in the orangerie.

Emmett sat across the table looking at me intently.

"I don't know," I answered truthfully. "He's somewhat in the middle of a personal family crisis."

"I've been dying to ask you all day, but your dad just didn't gave us much room today," Rosalie added.

"He's uncharacteristically clingy today. What's up with that?" Emmett concurred.

"Had it occurred to you that maybe he just misses you a lot more than he lets you know?" I asked my brother.

"You're right, I know."

"I feel terrible, you know?" Rosalie continued, "I know that the reason you're separate is me. I'm the one who whisked Emmett away to Australia…"

"Don't. I've never seen you happier." And it was the truth. They created a family of their own, they were whole together and the child they were bringing to this world was a very lucky kid. "If you're happy, we're happy."

"I don't want you to feel that we abandoned you…"

"I could never think that. You're just a call away, really. It means so much to me to have you here, to share this bit of our story with you."

"Seeing this house really made things real for me. This whole thing about Henry More and our grandmother is just tragic, you know?"

"There's so much sadness in these walls, Emmett."

"Can you imagine Lady More living here? Living in the same property her husband built a shrine to his dead daughter without being able to bear him children, the heirs he so desperately needed?" Rosalie asked.

"I've never thought of that… It must have been quite brutal. I can only guess how Her Grace's life must have been."

A shiver went down my spine, like a cruel memory that was trying to surface. But it wasn't mine to remember.

"You've got the goose bumps, Bella." My brother noticed.

My phone buzzed in my pocket and I quickly picked it up from my pocket, hoping for some news.

"It's Angela," I said aloud, a little disappointed.

"Hi, Angie, how's it going?" I asked trying to sound cheery.

"Bells, I was asked to call you to remind you that your presentation has been rescheduled."

"What?!" I shrieked. "When?"

"Next Monday…"

"Angela I'm on vacation… I go back to work on Monday."

"I know, I found it strange as well, but apparently our clinical sessions had to be rescheduled because of the auto-immune diseases forum that will be held on Friday."

"I didn't bring the images to finish my presentation. I have to scan the ECG and the chest X ray… and I still have to ask Dr. Swanson permission to use the MRI images to document my case…"

"Bella, send me the patient's ID that I'll do that for you and I'll talk to Dr. Swanson."

"When did our chief decided to move up the presentation?"

"On Monday, apparently Eric offered to call you. I just found out, otherwise I'd let you know sooner. You know how it is, you have until Friday to email your final presentation."

"Angela, you're a life saver, thank you so much!"

"Don't mention it. In the meantime I'll kick Eric in the shin for you. "

"Thank you."

"What happened?" Emmett enquired when he saw me sighing.

"I have to go to work. I was just informed that I have an early presentation on Monday morning. I have to have it done until Friday. God, it never seems to stop… Anyway, what are our plans for tomorrow?"

"I was hoping we could go sightseeing," said Rosalie. "It's my first time here, I was thinking about exploring around. We'll take your father and leave you to work. How does it sound?"

"I feel terrible that I forced you across the globe and I don't have the time to be with you…"

"You don't have to entertain us all the time," my brother replied. "We know you have a very tough schedule and you do the best you can. Besides, it's not like you could spare the time to go to Sydney now and I want to know more about my roots."

"So far, the only person I truly enjoyed meeting was Uncle Thomas. Everyone else seems just a little too creepy for me. You'll see what I mean. But feel free to explore… There's just one thing I'd like to ask you. We're not exactly anonymous in the area, so I'd appreciate if you took someone of the security staff with you."

"Why? Are you afraid we might be in some kind of danger?" Rosalie asked, clearly taken aback by my request.

"Not that I'm aware of, but there is someone out there who tried to hurt me really bad not long ago, and I just want you to be cautious."

Emmett was going to protest but decided against it when I told him I was serious about it.

"I'm sure there's nothing to worry about, it's just for precaution."

"Maybe we should call Alice as well. She said that she was on vacation," Rosalie chirped, changing the subject. She must have noticed my brother's eyes darken at the mention of the necessity of security measures.

"I don't think she'll be available for a long time now," I said ominously.

"Why?" The both asked at the same time.

"She went to New York this morning. I don't know how long she'll stay."

"That's a bit unexpected. She never mentioned it yesterday…"

"Rose, she didn't know she had to be somewhere else today. It's really complicated. Suffice to say that I'm terribly worried about her… Anyway, I have work to do. I'll see you tomorrow over breakfast?" I asked as I stood up. They both nodded and kissed me goodnight.

As I walked back to the library, I tried to call Edward again and his phone was still switched off.

"I give up," I said to myself.

I sat behind my desk, trying to concentrate but the focus I craved for eluded me. I spent the whole day with my family, so I almost forgot what lay in my left pocket - Jasper's pen drive.

I knew that I wouldn't be able to have anything done until I saw what was there, but nothing prepared me to the full blow. My hands shook as I connected the pen to my laptop, and it seemed it took forever for my PC's virus scan to complete its function, because as soon as I could, I opened the only folder in the disk. It was called 'surprise', but not even its title could prepare me for the contents. It was a homemade video, with very poor lightening, but I could get the gist of it.

It was a sex video with Edward and Madeline. I pressed pause after a couple of minutes. It wasn't explicit enough that I could see the actual act, but I could see his face, even if he wasn't facing the camera. My imagination only made things worse because I knew that face, I've seen how he looked when he was aroused and it killed me to see that expression on his visage, because it was another woman who put it there.

How could he say he loved me? How did he manage to appear disappointed just 24hours before when he realized that I wasn't pregnant?

The Tanya incident came into mind. I probably could never really get over that. It was obvious that sex and love never went together for him.

As the treacherous tears streamed down my face, I pressed play once more. It was more than self flagellation; it was like I wanted to desensitize myself, forcing me to face larger doses, like I do to my patients when they are allergic to penicillin. But unfortunately for me, it was going to hurt a lot more than a rash. I was going for the full shock effect.

He was bossy and almost moody the whole time. Every single whim she seemed able to comply.

I ended up stomaching the whole length of it; in total, it was 23 minutes of pure hell and by the end of it I decided with enough amount of certainty that I wanted nothing more to do with that man.

No rationalization would prevent me from taking that decision. He admitted before that they had fucked, his words, a long time ago before Tanya, he'd said. It didn't matter… Not anymore.

To hell with the Mores and the Cullens and all the Tanyas and Madelines of the universe, because I just couldn't bear that cross anymore.

It was just me against the world again.

I think I felt asleep eventually as exhaustion took over. At 7 a.m. my phone rang. I was completely sleep deprived, and it took me a while to find my phone. My back hurt from sleeping in a chaise long that was probably conceived with a purely esthetic purpose.

It was Edward.

"Hello?"

"Bella?" He seemed frantic.

"Who else?"

"I'm sorry I didn't pick up the phone yesterday, but it was a very busy day…" he laughed humorlessly.

"I can only imagine. Alice went to New York; I couldn't hold her here against her will."

"I know. I'm flying there now. God… everything blew in my face. This is so fucked up." he sighed. His voice was somewhat roughened. I didn't envy his position but I really didn't want to get involved anymore. I felt like I've done enough damage already. If only I hadn't been so nosy…

"You're so silent. Aren't you going to say 'I told you so'?"

"What for? It really doesn't matter anymore; the cat is out of the bag."

"You're mad at me too. I'm sorry."

"It really doesn't matter. I mean it. Go find your sister, make sure she's okay. I know she'll forgive you soon enough."

"Jasper told my parents that he loved Alice and that he was going to call off the wedding. My mum is devastated…"

"I can only imagine." But I couldn't really pity Esme's situation. She'd always put her happiness over his kids well-being.

"Can I ask you something?"

I waited but he was silent for a while.

"I can't be with you right now and I'm sorry but-"

"Don't. Don't worry about me. Alice is all that matters now." And it was.

"Could you please come back sooner to the US? Perhaps meet me in NYC?"

"I don't think that's a good idea, besides my family flew half around the world to meet me here. I have to think about them as well. They had been put through a lot lately because of me and we need this time to bond… to heal."

"Of course, that was inconsiderate of me." He paused as if waiting for me to contradict him. The simple fact of being civil to him was taking its toll on me. It's not like I wanted to be the hurt girlfriend at the time when he had so much on his plate already. But I needed to distance myself, to protect myself. "Could you please not see the news while you're in England?" He asked eventually.

"Why?" I queried icily.

"Please. I'll explain everything to you later, but I don't want you to suffer all by yourself the full blow of the tabloids."

"Aside from the fact that I'm not alone, it's not my name that'll be mentioned on the tabloids."

"Bella, please, I beg you. This is going to get ugly really fast and Jasper is very mad at me so he'll do pretty much anything to get back at me."

"I know, I had a very enlightening talk with him yesterday morning."

"He just realized that Alice didn't remember what happened between them. And yesterday my mum in a fury accused him of getting her baby daughter pregnant. He didn't know that either."

"Your mother knew?" I asked sidetracked.

"Apparently I hadn't done a good job erasing all the evidence of Alice's pregnancy. She chose to pretend not to know."

"That's so messed up…"

"Everyone is blaming me… My parents are furious at me!" He yelled outraged.

"Edward, you screwed up. Just go find Alice."

"I will. Just… please don't leave now. Don't see the news, I'll tell you everything you want to know later. I can't lose you too."

"What are you so afraid of?"

"Please, I know I'm asking too much, but trust me just this once."

I knew that Jasper probably threatened to sell the video of him and Madeline to some shady tabloid, but that ship has sailed.

"Edward, if this is about some X rated tape of you and Madeline… I've seen it. Jasper gave it to me yesterday. It was probably the only act of kindness that he could have ever done to me."

I heard a muffled sound in the background, and it felt like he was hitting something.

"Bella, it was years ago. It didn't mean anything… Fuck! I've told you before about it."

"I know, but a picture is worth a thousand words – in this case a video. Just go to your sister. I'll manage just fine."

Talking to him was making my decision waver. I was pitting him, for God's sake. My subconscious was nagging me that I couldn't abandon him when he needed me the most.

"Be ready in twenty minutes, I'll pick you up. I'm not letting you out of my sight when you're like this. We'll talk on our way to NYC."

"Don't. I mean it. We'll talk later."

"I can feel you're already detaching yourself from me and I won't allow it!"

"What gave you the impression that you could order me around? I will talk to you once things settle down. I don't feel like talking right now because you won't like what I have to say. Go to your sister and then we'll see from there. I'm still deciding how I'm going to make things right, because I failed her as a friend. That's all that matters. Our so called relationship is just white noise at this point; neither of us wants to delve much on it."

"Have you finished your little speech?" He demanded angrily.